PyThomas
02-23-2004, 08:58 PM
Since this show is a Worst Of compilation, I thought I'd expound on the bumper that kicks off this show, which is one of my favorites. I call it the "Matrix Bumper", since it starts off with Neo's film-ending phone monologue. The spot is crammed with all kinds of funny soundbites, which I will list for you. So now, without further ado, here's the transcript for the "Matrix Bumper"!
"I know that you're afraid. You're afraid of us. You're afraid of change."
"We are not what you think."
"I'm going to hang up this phone ... and then I'm going to show these people what you don't want them to see... a world without rules and controls, without borders or boundaries... a world where anything is possible."
"This is the Opie & Anthony show!"
"On my signal... unleash hell."
(short fart noise followed by gunfire all over the place)
"Welcome to the bottomless pit of ignorance!"
"Here's a clip."
"WAHOOUHWAHOOUHWAHOOUH..."
"Jesus Christ, this is gonna suck."
"Is it a mind or a papaya?!"
"That'll get our ratings up!"
"How're we supposed to win in the ratings... if we can't talk about doing our pleasure?"
"Suck it up, walk it off, deek!"
"HOO-HAH!"
"I love camel toe."
"They're shaaaa-ving for America!"
"hoohoohoohoo"
"Ohhh... owww!" (Sandy Kane)
"I gotta see that ass."
"NOOOOOOO!!!"
"I'd definitely be willing to have sex with you if we both already had AIDS."
"Ohhh... owww!" (again)
"Opie says... it isn't bad!"
(strange laughter followed by Imus's laugh)
"This is the Opie & Anthony show!"
"Rude, disgusting, self-centered pieces of trash."
"You guys suck!"
"Blah blah blah..."
"Wellllllll doggies!"
"BOWELLLL!" (well, that's what it sounds like)
"Thank god we get back to the anal!"
"OK TERRIFIC!"
"Insert joke here."
"A handy's(?) great in a pinch."
"Did I just hear that?"
"Hellewww!"
"Hello?"
"Pull your pants down!"
"Ewwww!"
"You got dat aaasssss!"
"The Opie & Anthony Show."
"Number 3! You fouled up your sister!"
"You're all burning in hell, damn you!"
"With alcohol, this is great radio."
"Opie & Anthony."
"Bleep out of the tape!" (my best guess - I have no idea what is being said here)
(Bart Simpson laugh)
"Making the First Amendment seem like a bad idea... This is the Opie & Anthony show!"
Now, on with the show...
First up, Jim Norton discusses "eating a taco", which segues into an "Unlucky Lottery" report in where a worker at a chocolate factory falls into a vat of melted chocolate and drowns. Also interspersed in this bit is Ant's hilarious Bruce Springsteen impersonation. "Watchin' all the people at the Jersey Shore... HWOH WOH WOHHHH!"
BREAK 1
Hold on to your underage AIDS-infected trannie prostitute, Jim Norton, because YOU'RE in the hot seat! Colin Quinn, Patrice O'Neal and Rich Vos are here to watch a taped Norton standup act from 1993, and rip Lil' Jimmy a new a-hole. Mike Dinacola is along for the ride, too, but he hardly ever says anything.
BREAK 2
The Norton roast continues.
BREAK 3
The Norton roast wraps up, and Vos keeps getting caught in the crossfire. Someone calls in impersonating Vos.
BREAK 4
Comments about Sarah Jessica Parker lead to Sarah herself calling in to the show.
Stephen Lynch performs "Why Your Mommy Left Us".
BREAK 5
The Diceman is Born Again? It's the time-honored "Jesus Is Over Here Now" segment.
The classic "Greaseola" bit, where Ant-as-Greaseman introduces the Greaseola line of crayons, including "Chink Yellow", "Homo Pink", "Polish Purple" (it's green), "Mick Green", "Wetback Brown" and the "Italian Crayon" (it's a grease pencil).
BREAK 6
Anthony recalls his wedding day, and we hear lots of "audio" from that fateful day.
BREAK 7
The death of Allen Funt, founder of "Candid Camera", is discussed.
"I know that you're afraid. You're afraid of us. You're afraid of change."
"We are not what you think."
"I'm going to hang up this phone ... and then I'm going to show these people what you don't want them to see... a world without rules and controls, without borders or boundaries... a world where anything is possible."
"This is the Opie & Anthony show!"
"On my signal... unleash hell."
(short fart noise followed by gunfire all over the place)
"Welcome to the bottomless pit of ignorance!"
"Here's a clip."
"WAHOOUHWAHOOUHWAHOOUH..."
"Jesus Christ, this is gonna suck."
"Is it a mind or a papaya?!"
"That'll get our ratings up!"
"How're we supposed to win in the ratings... if we can't talk about doing our pleasure?"
"Suck it up, walk it off, deek!"
"HOO-HAH!"
"I love camel toe."
"They're shaaaa-ving for America!"
"hoohoohoohoo"
"Ohhh... owww!" (Sandy Kane)
"I gotta see that ass."
"NOOOOOOO!!!"
"I'd definitely be willing to have sex with you if we both already had AIDS."
"Ohhh... owww!" (again)
"Opie says... it isn't bad!"
(strange laughter followed by Imus's laugh)
"This is the Opie & Anthony show!"
"Rude, disgusting, self-centered pieces of trash."
"You guys suck!"
"Blah blah blah..."
"Wellllllll doggies!"
"BOWELLLL!" (well, that's what it sounds like)
"Thank god we get back to the anal!"
"OK TERRIFIC!"
"Insert joke here."
"A handy's(?) great in a pinch."
"Did I just hear that?"
"Hellewww!"
"Hello?"
"Pull your pants down!"
"Ewwww!"
"You got dat aaasssss!"
"The Opie & Anthony Show."
"Number 3! You fouled up your sister!"
"You're all burning in hell, damn you!"
"With alcohol, this is great radio."
"Opie & Anthony."
"Bleep out of the tape!" (my best guess - I have no idea what is being said here)
(Bart Simpson laugh)
"Making the First Amendment seem like a bad idea... This is the Opie & Anthony show!"
Now, on with the show...
First up, Jim Norton discusses "eating a taco", which segues into an "Unlucky Lottery" report in where a worker at a chocolate factory falls into a vat of melted chocolate and drowns. Also interspersed in this bit is Ant's hilarious Bruce Springsteen impersonation. "Watchin' all the people at the Jersey Shore... HWOH WOH WOHHHH!"
BREAK 1
Hold on to your underage AIDS-infected trannie prostitute, Jim Norton, because YOU'RE in the hot seat! Colin Quinn, Patrice O'Neal and Rich Vos are here to watch a taped Norton standup act from 1993, and rip Lil' Jimmy a new a-hole. Mike Dinacola is along for the ride, too, but he hardly ever says anything.
BREAK 2
The Norton roast continues.
BREAK 3
The Norton roast wraps up, and Vos keeps getting caught in the crossfire. Someone calls in impersonating Vos.
BREAK 4
Comments about Sarah Jessica Parker lead to Sarah herself calling in to the show.
Stephen Lynch performs "Why Your Mommy Left Us".
BREAK 5
The Diceman is Born Again? It's the time-honored "Jesus Is Over Here Now" segment.
The classic "Greaseola" bit, where Ant-as-Greaseman introduces the Greaseola line of crayons, including "Chink Yellow", "Homo Pink", "Polish Purple" (it's green), "Mick Green", "Wetback Brown" and the "Italian Crayon" (it's a grease pencil).
BREAK 6
Anthony recalls his wedding day, and we hear lots of "audio" from that fateful day.
BREAK 7
The death of Allen Funt, founder of "Candid Camera", is discussed.