Norton's One Liners

[PatriotAM22]

....post your favorite Norton one liners that made you literally fall off you chair.

"I'd rather have a blood transfusion in Haiti" hahahahahaha

[NiceHeadDeek]

"Get a in clothes dryer with Magic Johnson and some razorblades"

[palefishbelly]

"you have the warmth of a trout"

[slap happy]

"your breath smells like the box of a cadaver"-Norton while slamming Fat&Fatter

[oppie1]

i always dug..

"i had aids, but i beat it with tylenol"

[FOFOLINA]

"why dont you fall into bucket of aids"

[Spank Daddy]

Norton : "Hey Ralph, you mind if I smoke ?"

Ralph : "I don't care if you burn"

I know.......I STINK AND I DON'T LIKE ME !!!!

[mascan42]

I would definitely be willing to have sex with you if we both already had AIDS.

[pdfranch]

I owe my daughter some money and I'm dodging her.

[SPEWEY]

"Get a in clothes dryer with Magic Johnson and some razorblades"Also....

"I'd rather hug Magic Johnson after he rolled around in barbed wire"

[ILuvDogShit]

"You should slip on your own puke and crack your head on a toliet!!!"

[Big Zilch 7]

I hope you die as you walk your daughter down the aisle at her wedding

[wideback retard]

It's not ---- if they blink twice for yes.

[wideback retard]

mmmmmmmmmm........I guess we can't say "r@pe" on the message board.

[blackout-]

I owe my daughter some money and I'm dodging her.
haha, nice!

heres a link to a bunch of jim's best:

http://www.hc-interactive.com/norton_quotes.htm

my fav has got to be:

If I had hepatitis in a squirt gun, I would blast you and your stupid kids!

[spittinmad]

Huddla-huddla
Crinkle-crinkle
Love ya Ope, love ya Ant

[Boston Funbags]

Obvisouly the two in my sig, as well as:
- Men don't do laundry unless there chinks--to Martha's p-whipped husband who does laundry while she works on the car
- What's the name of the birth defect you have, "Trampled by a Horse During the 2nd Trimester?"
- Your body belongs in a bicycle basket in front of the moon--to Sandy Kane
- Generally, I'm about as photogenic as a pail of stillborns--his website
- There's a trench coat and a tragedy in your future
- You're looking at me like I just beat kiddie porn charges on a technicality
- She has the sex appeal of the diaper of a cancer victim
- Talking dogs are only funny if they're inspiring you to kill couples in New York--i think he was talking about scooby doo or something
- Look at that little bloody thump on the floor, that was gonna be something!

[FreznoSmooth]

See the sig

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[MAVRIC305]

"Patty, you have the sex appeal of Brundlefly"

I never laughed harder at one of his lines. It was such an unexpected reference and Patty does kind of look like Jeff Goldbloom on crack with a flowbee.:rotf:

[STD]

Ant: Send flowers to your 2 mommies or 2 daddies, if your a new kind of family.

Lil' Jimmy Norton: You don't have 2 daddies. Heres the thing, If you take seeds on the face, or in the balloon knot, your a mommy.

Thanks FedEx for the rediscovering of that brilliant line.

Norton Tribute (http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/imasickf/Children_of_the_Grave__You_Stink_.mp3)
Many of your favorite lines are in it.

[SPEWEY]

"...you nonpluarizing murderer!"

[Ballbuster1]

Lil Jimmy's self description off his web bio:

I am 5'7, 150 lbs with brown hair, brown eyes and have a torso with the muscle tone of Christopher Reeve's thighs.

[ih8Uboo-boo]

That's a good link... but it doesn't list my favorite...



I like brains on a girl, cause they're fun to bash out...

[xajpx]

Commenting on his awful body...

"I have the metabolism of a glacier"

XAJPX

[pdfranch]

"ying yang party"

[MetalSign]

See the sig...

[pdfranch]

"I realize I haven't updated the site in a while, just been busy with Tough Crowd and doing gigs."- from his last mass e-mail

[blackout-]

oh yea that was a good one too.

[BigBoiBILL]

my favorite from the meety breasted nothing:

[Juanfartez]

I'm a worthless zilch, I need to be milked into a bucket, and r@ped with a bottle rocket. From His CD

[mainliner]

"Your honor she blinked twice, I rest my case"
do future quotes count?

[100 Grand]

I use "BLECH" all the time!:yuck2:

[Stoogotz]

Comments said to Rich Vos:

You should be eating a Vlasic pickle with that joke

You had teeth like a Bosnian Serb

You were doing Rascals Comedy Hour comparing yourself to a band and you flossed with beef jerkey

[Stoogotz]

Comments said to Rich Vos:

You should be eating a Vlasic pickle with that joke

You had teeth like a Bosnian Serb

You were doing Rascals Comedy Hour comparing yourself to a band and you flossed with beef jerkey

[pdfranch]

Comments to Rich Vos:

Can I eat her ass while she sucks your dick?

[Rob]

Men don't do laundry unless there chinks--to Martha's p-whipped husband who does laundry while she works on the car

wasn't her name louanne?

[masbueno8]

Yeah, it was Louanne. Martha was the woman who called O&A "soft porn." The uncensored bit is on oavirus.

[ILuvDogShit]

"A batch looks good everywhere its shot, even on a mascetomy scar!"

2-11-02 Show

[ShaunC1000]

"And while all of your friends are grieving at your wake, I hope the sprinkler system turns on and sprays them with AIDS, hepatitis C and liquified genital warts. And while they're all running out and crying, I hope one of them slips and accidentally molests a child"
I don't know what show this was on but I saw this on that website.

[Boston Funbags]

Yeah, it was Louanne. Martha was the woman who called O&A "soft porn." The uncensored bit is on oavirus.
Ah yes. Martha called in about the 55 Gallon Drum Challenge. And Louanne called in cuz Norton always makes "nasty" comments about women, and she wanted to shit on him--didn't work.

Another line I liked was when some girl called in when they were talking about the progeria kids, I think her name was Becky, and Norton asked what she did and she said she goes to college and he goes "You're a pot-smoking dummy with a C average!"---What a good'un!

Also, we're forgetting the most popular one liner: "He stinks and I don't like him"--Norton on Spiderman (duh :idiot: )

[vos' mercedes]

"Any woman who calls a penis a weenie should be strangled with piano wire and kicked in her fat stomach, you LA Gear wearing pig"

[Imovahherenow]

What the f*ck is that? youre looking at me like I just beat kid porn charges on a technicality

I have never laughed that hard before. Norton is Priceless

[Sanford7]

"The biggest mistake most men make after having sex is not digging a deep enough hole" -JN

[Imovahherenow]

If i bring a girl home, the lights have to be dimmed so my fat b cups can't be seen

[Weldhelmet]

After listening to "Insane Irene" I laughed myself silly after this one,. Ready??

..after she curses and hangs up,.
"Thats it, show your true colors you uneducated ancient pig, you cryptic filthy mouthed old grandmother with no love left in your one breasted life "I'm 125 lbs." and she dosen't have red hair, it's probably orange with grean eyes boy thats really sexy you glow in the dark bag of pig meat."
That's one line, right??

[Rob]

nice one...

[ILuvDogShit]

"It started with an Uncle, a Knuckle and a tear stained pillow!!"

2-13-02 Show

[nikoloslvy]

that blowjob sound he does i cant type it but ill try
blehg,bleugh,blehbleh
is that a one liner?

[Garcia525]

- Talking dogs are only funny if they're inspiring you to kill couples in New York--i think he was talking about scooby doo or something


Scooby Doo !?!?! I think he was referencing the "Son of Sam" murders in New York.

[SOS]

Scooby Doo !?!?! I think he was referencing the "Son of Sam" murders in New York.
Hmmm... :biggrinea

[palefishbelly]

"There is a trenchcoat and tradegy in your future." -to a kid who plays Everquest