Senile Members of your Family

[Jables2002]

I'm sure you all have some great/creepy/funny stories about the older members of your family, so lets hear 'em.

The other day I was at my Grandma's house and we were talking about the SAG awards and she asked me if I was going to see "Bareback Mountain". I nearly shit myself trying to hold in the laughter.

[PrncssNikki]

Christmas 2004 my grandma started freaking out because she didn't know who my sister was. Then my grandpa threatened to kill everyone with his machete (he doesn't even have one and never did) because my grandma got more Christmas presents than he did.

Mine are just insane.

[LiddyRules]

Nikki's story is an example of senility. Moe's story is an example of an old person simply not being with it. Nikki's story wins.

[HummerTuesdays]

I'm sure I have plenty about my grandmother, who suffered from dimentia. My favorite is the one about her glasses. For as long as I can remember she wore bifocals. When we moved her into the home for patients with Alzheimers/dimentia, they disappeared, which happens a lot in a place like that. My mom kept asking her about them, and gram was very adamant that she didn't need glasses. Mom took her to the optomotrist, and her vision was fine. Since she was already pretty far gone, there was no way we could find out why she wore glasses for all those years.

[JoeyDVDZ]

My grandfather used to get drunk and threaten to kill me if I didn't give back his silver dollar collection....

Turns out he had gotten them stolen from his girlfriends grandson, and always suspected I did it. She never told him until just about the end of his life, because I wasn't her grandson & the other fucker was.

I didn't much care, didn't like the old fuck anyway. :)

[mascan42]

My Grandmother has Alzheimer's. Most days she can get by, but can't carry on a conversation because the words get all mixed up in her head. "Are you going to get the escalator?" Wha? And then she gets all upset because nobody knows what the fuck she's talking about.

And then there are the bad days, when she's convinced that we're working against her and trying to take her house. I can only imagine what will happen when the money for the home health aide runs out and she has to go to a nursing home.

[Myhairygrundle]

My Dad will say random things that have nothing to do with what we are talking about. We could be sitting around the table talking about the weather and he will say something like,

"We should all take a cruise as a family."

"I like Cheetos better than Doritos."

"I got a new air filter for my car."


He also has a fancy sword he was awarded as a military officer. Sometimes he uses it to cut birthday cakes and pies. Some people just use a knife, but whatever.

But we love him anyway.

[brittnee]

My dad's mom was/is a crazy bitch. She lived around the corner from us on a busy road on a hill. Cars would speed up and down the road. There was also a "Rescue Mission" down the road that housed ex-convicts, rapists, murderers, etc.

She was babysitting me and my brother one summer. My mother was out-of-town for 2 weeks so we were staying over there. I was 6 (and very tiny for my age) and my brother was 2, (a total horror and nearly as big as I was), so the dumb bitch decided to lock us up outside to fend for ourselves. Well, the little shithead decided he wanted to play in traffic (55 mph, no-line road). So I tackled his ass and was screaming for help, but the senile old bat never came. I had to drag him up to the house and sit on him so he wouldn't go anywhere. Even after pounding on the door, she wouldn't let us inside. When we were finally allowed inside, I called my other grandparents and complained to them and they came and got us :D.

She would also beat us with wooden spoons when we were babies (around 18 months) if we spit out our nasty pepper-coated food that she made us. Crazy bitch.

[THE FEZ MAN]

my mother is out of her fucking mind, I cant take her anywhere with out her saying something totally inappropriate. She also makes a lot of people uneasy with her comments. I never realized how much my father had to put up with till he died, the best one was when I showed her the photo of jimmy and she just asked me who the creepy faggot was, now she keeps asking me how my new boyfriend is doing. oh and to topp it off she isn't even 60 yet

My grand father was out of his mind, when we finally had to put him in a home he kept accusing the help (some of whom just happened to be black) of stealing his cloths and bed sheets. They were doing his laundry. He also used to accuse them of stealing his sodas, now I very carefully regulated his soda intake because of his diabetes, one 6 pack every 2 days, I would sit and watch him drink them all in one sitting or hide them in the oven, then accuse the help of drinking them. Every one was always stealing from him. I think back in his earlier days he must have been quite the thief.

[soiled pj's]

:icon_evil well my wife is fucking looney she is always saying stupid shit like........ well I realy never listen to what the fuck she is mumbling, but I'm sure it's just crazy talk and I should have her commited.

[Outer Limits]

There was TV show "Convicted" last night on BBCA and during it one guy tells a joke.

This old guy goes to the doctor.
The doctor tells him "I have bad news. You have alzheimers and bronchitis."
The old guy replys, "Well thank god I don't have bronchitis."

[PrncssNikki]

My grand father was out of his mind, when we finally had to put him in a home he kept accusing the help (some of whom just happened to be black) of stealing his cloths and bed sheets. They were doing his laundry. He also used to accuse them of stealing his sodas, now I very carefully regulated his soda intake because of his diabetes, one 6 pack every 2 days, I would sit and watch him drink them all in one sitting or hide them in the oven, then accuse the help of drinking them. Every one was always stealing from him. I think back in his earlier days he must have been quite the thief.

I think that's really common because I deal with elderly deemed legally incompetent and I have to deal with that alot. Them crying from the homes, claiming the help was stealing their belongings. Its sad because sometimes I believe them. I wouldn't put it past some of the people that work at the homes.

[Boston Funbags]

My great aunt has Alzheimer's and refuses to shower and has HORRENDOUS old people BO.

My grandmother had Alzheimer's too and one time at Thanksgiving, she didn't recognize my cousin (he was like 20 at the time). So my dad and uncle told her that it was some homeless guy they found on a corner and invited for dinner cuz they felt bad. She kept giving him the evil eye and avoided him the whole time.

[JonBenetRamsey]

my grandparents are dead. they don't remember shit.

[THE FEZ MAN]

I think that's really common because I deal with elderly deemed legally incompetent and I have to deal with that alot. Them crying from the homes, claiming the help was stealing their belongings. Its sad because sometimes I believe them. I wouldn't put it past some of the people that work at the homes.

this was a realy nice home and i went to see him often, it was right around the corner from my house. but you are right some folks cant help but steal

[wakeboardfit]

One time it was my nana's birthday and my little brother, about 4 at the time, wandered into her bedroom and took a book from her book shelf and handed it to her. She thanked him for the nice gift, not realizing it was hers to beging with, and then followed up the thank you in a letter a few weeks later. My family laughed pretty hard at that one. She then was put in a home about a year later and thought we were, and called us by, dead relatives from England.

[Slow Bollards]

My wife's grandmother had full blown Alzheimers and is pretty harmless at this point because my inlaws keep her pretty well medicated. I was privy to her decline as when I first met her, you could carry on a basic conversation, you would just have the same conversation 8 more times in the next hour. She could be entertaining and she was fun to play around with becasue she was kind of a cunt. By all accounts she was not a very nice person before she lost her mental faculties. She's bigoted against people with glasses and people who are overweight. Both I and my wife are near-sighted fatties. I'm almost ashamed to admit how empowering it is to tell someone to go fuck themselves, after they call you fat. My inlaws used to spray her with a water pistol when she would start wandering, going through drawers, or otherwise meddling. I thought it was cruel at first, but it was really fun once you gave into the temptation; and it was just water.

She went through a phase where her answer to every question and her explanation for everything was "piecemeal." No matter what you asked her or what the situation was her response was always the same. Piecemeal. Sometimes she would come into a room and survey her surroundings and just say "piecemeal" with a nod or a shake of her head and walk out.
One christmas my mother in law (who is a fucking saint) asked Grandma to sign the tag for a gift for her other daughter. She walked over, scribbled something down, and left the room. My mother in law was in the middle of a thousand different tasks, and when she got around to finish wrapping the gift she saw that grandma had written "man thought." Its just so fucking random and weird. We still talk about it to this day.
OK, that reminds me of her birthday a year or two later. Her cake had those trick candles that light up again after you blow them out. All I'll say is that if a loved one in your family has Alzheimers or dimentia and is about to celelbrate a birthday, invest in a pack of these becasue they are comedy fucking gold. She spent an hour blowing them out and then getting all annoyed that they re-lit, blowing them out ad infinitum. We were fucking rolling. It was one of the hardest times I ever laughed. Then these sickos all dug into the cake! They were suprised that I didn't want to sample Choclate cake with octagenarian saliva icing. Call me crazy.

[mascan42]

There was TV show "Convicted" last night on BBCA and during it one guy tells a joke.

This old guy goes to the doctor.
The doctor tells him "I have bad news. You have alzheimers and bronchitis."
The old guy replys, "Well thank god I don't have bronchitis."
The punch line's backwards. As Ant used to say, what other disease can you just forget that you have?

[Hudson]

Aunt Pauline... She once showed up at Thanksgiving Dinner wearing her underpants on the outside of her dress. She would stay with us at Christmas and once woke up in the middle of the night 3:00 am and went downstairs and started screaming and cursing thinking we all left her alone in the house and went to church without her.

[Boston Funbags]

My inlaws used to spray her with a water pistol when she would start wandering, going through drawers, or otherwise meddling. I thought it was cruel at first, but it was really fun once you gave into the temptation; and it was just water. Holy fucking shit that's hilarious! That's how old people should be dealt with, like a fucking cat.

Another tidbit about my grandmother...she used to give me and my sisters money when we would go to visit...about 10 minutes after she gave us like 5 bucks, she call us over and give us more. We made a killing there until my parents found out and made us give it back.

[HummerTuesdays]

When my grandmother was still able to get around, we had her over for one of the holidays. Now, I never liked my step-dad, so I found this extra amusing. Apparently gram wasn't a very kind person, and she didn't like my step dad for whatever reason. Could be his abrasiveness, could be that he's Jewish and we're Catholic, I don't know. Durring dinner she would kick him under the table. After dinner we were sitting around the table talking, and she got up to wander around the house. She comes through the door behind him and starts hitting him and calling him a bitch. I tried so hard not to laugh!

[GLENN_THE_TOOL]

my father's pretty senile and he's still in his 50's. well, either senile or really dumb. well, there was a pretty big blizzard in...2004 was it? well the roads were covered in a foot in a half to two feet of snow, and my father wanted to take our van to the shop for repairs. well we shoveled both of our vehicles out of the snow, tried getting onto the Garden State Parkway, and got stuck in the unplowed snow on the on-ramp. then we got stuck two more times and ended up in Newark, far from our mechanic's garage. so i'm standing in the snowy Newark street, screaming at my idiot father for dragging me out in a blizzard to try to get to a mechanic that probably wasn't even open because of the FUCKING BLIZZARD. i don't even think he bothered to call ahead first, but if he did i doubt the endlessly ringing phone didn't deter him from his moronic mission that day. we finally managed to get back home, and just as i expected, we found out the next day that the mechanic had been closed anyway.

so we spent hours in the snow shoveling, getting stuck multiple times, braving the snowy, hazardous Garden State Parkway in a van that was in serious danger of overheating, and nearly crashing when a plow on an overpass dumped tons of snow right down on my windshield, ALL FOR NOTHING. i mean, did he really think the fucking mechanic would be open that day? NOTHING was open that day. moments like that make me question my lineage.