Ron Bennington's Line Of The Day

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Why does he not understand what I'm talking about? Oh, I know...because he's stupid

[blee]

Dave- you can do whatever you want in heaven.
Ron - Can you r@pe in heaven?

[blee]

Can you have anal in heaven?

[blee]

I will be cock out in heaven.
...
...
Mouth level, talking to Marie Antoinette.

[LonnieHazard]

Fez: The founder of Popeye's has died.
Ron: Well then Earl has his fried shrimp at half mast

[dilznick101]

Fez: my sister is petite.

Ron: not her vagina. ...and i'll just say that.

Ron: ...ms. pacman...

*laughter*

[dilznick101]

Ron: a lot of times, you like a short woman and pretend she's a kid.
Ron: and then everybody wins. they can't arrest you

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Earl, you ever afraid of the dark?
Earl: Oh god yes!
Ron: So a mirror must have just been terrifying to you, huh?

[Haeder]

Ron - Earl, were you afraid of the dark as a kid?

Earl - Oh God Yes.

Ron - Must have been looking in a mirror?

[Chuck Schick]

Fezzzzzz: What is one thing in your life that you wish you could master?

Ron: Bate.

[Arch Stanton]

Ron: If your in San Diego Fez, I can be there in 7 days.
Fez: Why so long? How do you travel?
Ron:
I still travel by covered wagon

[Arch Stanton]

What you worry about shackles and drugs? I used to call Thursday. So, we push it to back to Friday

[Arch Stanton]

Ron: You used to eat roofies and not throw up?
Fez: yup
Ron: Then tell 'em to go old school and give you roofies

[Arch Stanton]

Ron:Ching Chong Ching Chong

Fez: That is not Chinese
Ron: oh

[Arch Stanton]

To Fez: Why do you sit there and become a punching bag for some of these Assholes?
Fez: I don't know. Don't want to fight
Ron: Starts singing Rocky theme

[FAZ8218]

Fez talking about keeping the lights on at night...
"Oh I bet that thing is lit up like Yankee Stadium... I bet that thing looks like you're laying down at 2nd base."

[FAZ8218]

Talking about calling a celebrity before you die...
"Let me guess you would call "Mean Gene" Okerlund."

[FAZ8218]

Calling celebrities...
Earl: Walt Frasier
Dave: He was on the show two months ago!
Ron: ...and he was dull.

[TonyBagels]

hypnosis show

Gros: I would like to hear that from Number 4 (Friday)
Ron: Yeah, I don't think you can get her

[boardsofcanada]

I don't trust the Irish , they're fuckin filthy people.

[TonyBagels]

(as Don is bringing the hypnoytized back)

{whispering} Kill People. Kill Whore. Kill kill

[TonyBagels]

(about Dave's impression of Anthony)

You answered a question I had, what would Anthony be without any talent or timing

[Chuck Schick]

Earl: You can go to hypnotic touch.com-

Ron: Me?

(over and over and over)

[TonyBagels]

(3-27)
Ron: The Chinese are going to be taking over the world.
Fez: Oh Yeah. It's just a matter of time.
Ron: I don't mind, they've got beautiful women and good food. That's all I ask.
Dave: You can't have Chinese every night.
Ron: I CAN!
...
Dave: But it gets monotonous and you have to use chop sticks.
Ron: You know what, I'm gonna say it's 2008 and use a fork.

[FAZ8218]

Fez: NBC's brining back all these old shows like Family Feud...
Ron: Well years later that's the same game... it's like saying "let's bring back basball".

[FAZ8218]

Playing "Woop there it is"
Ron: You know if you're at Shea and someone hits a 3 bagger, you know you'll see Pitzy up there dancin'

[dilznick101]

i have thing where a don't watch a film made by anyone married to madonna. i even had a short period where i wouldn't watch a sean penn film.

[Chuck Schick]

Big A, Doctor DoNothing: Big Aaaaaaaaaaaaa.

[Chuck Schick]

Do you think on some level that you have love for Ric Flair? Or is it just his smell.

[Chuck Schick]

Shoot that shit to the sky. As Comic MacDonald would say.

[askewcore]

To Earl:

If you like 12 Monkeys so much why did you get mad when I wrote it on that picture?

Oh, because it was a family portrait?

[Chuck Schick]

Ever since you got your haircut, you're not Sheepy. You're G.I. Sheepy.

[duggernaut]

On film being better in the 70s.

Ron: Then that got fucked up by two mongoloids...named George Lucas and Steven Spielberg who ruined film as we know it now.

[TonyBagels]

Bagels? Is that just a code for Jews?

[TonyBagels]

Caller: Yeah, it's really tough for me to get off on a blowjob.
Ron: That's because you're fuckin' giving them

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: So if you get in a fight in the street, what are you going to do first?
Female boxer 1: Hit him in the balls
Ron: Huh...that's the worst thing that ever happened to men, balls.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: That was a serious engineering failure right there. They should be buried somewhere up inside instead

[LonnieHazard]

She hit dave so hard she actually hit his clitoris

[Arch Stanton]

To Dave: ( described getting a ticket for putting Dogshit in a garbage can

Why don't you say this, and he won't know what your doing:

I think I smell Bacon!

[TonyBagels]

Ron: Go back to the gun thing. Do you think black people should be allowed to have guns?
Earl: Uhh, yeah
Ron: Wow, that's the fuckin' scariest thing I've ever heard

[Cum_Son]

Sheepy (regarding blowjobs) : They're uncomfortable.

Ron: What's more comfortable than having your dick in someone else's mouth?

[Sack of Chisels]

Dave: but just because this 'Heisenberg' says that he has a principle...
Ron: you know what HE is....

[little e]

Talking about predicting the future, Dave brings up prophets..

Ron: Yeah that's in the bible, I'll give you another book with dragons in it. What the fuck does that mean?

[TonyBagels]

Ron & Fez we are live

[Jimmy's Dignity]

ESD: Earl, why don't you take a picture of her on a stool or something!
Ron: I'd rather see a picture of her stool!

[Jimmy's Dignity]

talking about how awful Earl's photographs were...

Ron: I wish Mars never got the fuckin' show back on

[Dragonwaggon77]

Ron: I'm going to go wih the King too, and I'll tell you why. It will really Impress my mom and my aunt.

[Wilmington WOW]

dave - I thought I was going to follow my gay brother

ronnie -yeah you did, with sticking stuff up your ass

[Man Man]

"Why don't you put that in the book "None of my business" written by a dumb clerk"

[MilkmanDan]

(after flipping out about his staffs inadequacy)

Fez : Charlton Heston passed away.

Ron : I fucking envy him. Laying in dirt, sounds great right now.

[LonnieHazard]

On Fez & Ron's wife's friendship: What are you tellin her? Keep it down she's supposed to be doin stuff for me. I'm sittin there waiting for lasagna and shes like- "what fez, are you ok fez?"

[Sack of Chisels]

*ring*
Ron: Get that fez, we're on the air.
Fez: ......................... it's a sales pitch from a travel agency.
Ron: I think you oughta go.. whatever they're selling you, GO!

[Arch Stanton]

To the tune of It makes me Fez:

Does it make me gay if I'm going nuts

[dilznick101]

talking about booboo from yogi bear:

"Just fucking pull your weight, Boo. Yeah Yogi doesn't always have the best ideas, but you have NOTHING."

[Arch Stanton]

Remember, If you get a handi-lift, you get a handy

[MilkmanDan]

Also to the tune of "It makes me Fez"

RonfezVoice : IT DOESNT MAKE YOU GAY IF YOU SUCK A BIG COCK

[sd187]

Some Dogs Have One Eye!

[MilkmanDan]

Fez : What did you do alot of when you were a kid?

Ron : Jack off? I Just loved it.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: No tails, but it had ruffles
Ron: They have ridges

[dilznick101]

Referring to Abbott & Costello's "Who's On First":

That was their only really great bit. That was their version of Shoulder M'Pads.

[Chuck Schick]

Pat Morita's dead? I thought I interviewed him last week.

(This deserved way more than it got).

[TonyBagels]

Wow! That was a reference from 7 years before he was born. That'd be like you giving someone a Toots Sure as..oh wait, you did

[duggernaut]

In reference to Earl not jerkin it in two years.

Ron: That's like saying I haven't wiped my ass in 2 years.

[crippledalbino]

After a caller says that seeing your child for the first time will change your life.

"Just hearing him say that makes me want to get in touch with some of my old kids, see how they're doing..."

[Arch Stanton]

Hey Earl, how about thinking of something to help me instead of making me think this the day I leave Radio

[Chuck Schick]

Even a baby can die from a bullet.

[Arch Stanton]

Dave eats shit in a hat .com

[Arch Stanton]

I think there are Dave stupid people who follow anything a Celebrity says

[duggernaut]

Caller: hey just calling in from Phill-
Ron: Big Ass Prize closet.

[duggernaut]

Ron: Everyone's got wacky names now.
Fez: Yeah, I don't get it.
Ron: Ok...Todd.

[FAZ8218]

Fez: The airplane game seemed different when I was a kid, it never involved shit.
Ron: Yeah, it involved cock.

[ChoppedLiver]

Ron: Everyone's got wacky names now.
Fez: Yeah, I don't get it.
Ron: Ok...Todd.

:haha7::haha7:

[NortonsHeiny]

"Earl you are so retarded I dont even know what to do with you anymore" made me smile

[NortonsHeiny]

Look at Earl smiling he looks like Satchmo....

[dilznick101]

Fez: I believe her name was 'Vanessa Hudgens' or something like that.

Ron: Yeah. I have no idea. You could have said whatever you want. You could have called her 'Speedledick 360' and would have been like "ok".

[MilkmanDan]

Fez : When I was a kid I always dreamt about ..

Ron : Cock ?

[Dragonwaggon77]

Worst has Come to Worst and Its Name is Earl Douglas.

[djeter220]

(discussing the XM sensitivity test)

Ron: I took the test last night, and i just wrote "i fuck who i want when i want, and i dont care what the blacks and jews have to say about it"

[TonyBagels]

(4-15, about staff's tasks)

I just put this in my drawer, Make People Laugh, so I've done my part.

[TonyBagels]

(4-15, about Earls' Beefcake photo shoot)

Now, Ant already told me that he wants your shirt off, with your teeth out, and people coming by to see you.

[MilkmanDan]

Dave : Getting a blowjob in the bathroom stall is the best !

Ron : Sure, you're a shitsmeller, you disgusting fuck

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: You look like the last hole of a miniature golf course!!

[spittinmad]

After Dave showed his tongue and how to eat pussy:

Ron: You look like the last hole at miniature golf.

Great.

[MilkmanDan]

Ron : "Dave your kids are going to get teased, you eat shit on the radio."

[boardsofcanada]

anybody remember the line he had about miles davis maybe a few weeks ago?

that was fucking hysterical

[Johnfromjersey]

anybody remember the line he had about miles davis maybe a few weeks ago?

that was fucking hysterical

"If somebody told me I only had an hour to live, I'd spend it choking a white man. I'd do it nice and slow." - miles davis

[Arch Stanton]

How many times do I plug Wackbag's Ron Bennington's Line of The Day?

They were the first. I don't plug others.

[mikek]

Caller: Did you ever write you phone # on the bottom of a turtle, so the next kid that found it would call you?

Ron: No, I was never gay.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Caller: <completely unintelligable>
Ron: Ted, you make me miss quaaludes

[Chuck Schick]

Fred from Brooklyn: I've lived in New York my whole life. Whats the state bird?

Ron: I literally think its the middle finger.

(set 'em up and knock 'em down)

[Arch Stanton]

I'm the seventh son of the seventh son

[LonnieHazard]

(About Paul McCartney)

Fred: He just got cleaned out.

God: Yeaa Stumpy took him for a ride.

[duggernaut]

To Fez regarding impressions-
Jay: I didn't know you did Norm McDonald?
Ron: Literally.

[Arch Stanton]

Earl, does it bother you even a little bit that everyone thinks they are better then you?

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Did jewwww know...who's running Hollywood right now?

[Goober]

While discussing Lenay D's poem, Ron guesses what the title is......

Ron: Why Daddy, Why?

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Lenay, now this is a quote that I picked up, years ago from Nietche..."That which does not kill you, will make you hate adults."

[djeter220]

Ron: I told Lilly how i thought she looked today, and she laid down and spread her legs and said how does this look? and than started crying

[TonyBagels]

(from 4-16, to Arch Stanton)

Talk to you later, my friend. Thanks for sounding like Vos.

[TonyBagels]

(4-16, to Paul-O about Gap)

Can I just throw an idea out there, silent film.

[duggernaut]

In regards to the 4 hour sensitivty test...he was on fire, obviously there are multiple lines here.

Ron: Do what I do, I wrote 'smell my finger' and sent it back. You don't need to teach me about this. My fucking finger wouldn't smell like this. And then I put, ps - no i haven't been fishing. Then I put a big smiley face...and a swastika. And I say its not a Nazi thing, I just like drawing them.

[TonyBagels]

(4-16, to Dave about his lack of knowledge of babies)

You naive mother fucker. You think these kids don't shit every 15 minutes? How many times do you think you'll be changing that baby at home. You think they shit like an adult male? You can change a baby 9, 10 times a day sometimes. You don't understand something, you're life is going to be totally consumed with that baby, very shortly. And you're going to be changing, and wiping, and washing, and feeding. It's fucking constant. It's like having a Ms. Pacman with you.

[TonyBagels]

Ron: Have any of you ever had a role model when you were growing up?
Dave: Yeah, Mattingly.
Ron: Yeah, and just like him, you'll never get a ring either.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

from Ronnie's birthday call-in for Ant...

Ron: Can you believe how bad things are when Anthony & I are the sane ones?

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: It'll be like the ol' Chuck E. Cheeze days...we know the cops aren't gonna be hangin out there. Just take a few bumps, sit down in front of the ball pit & relax!

[LiddyRules]

From the Anthony birthday phone call about the state of the show:

"Geez I don't know where we go when we die Fez, that is scary."

[NortonsHeiny]

Regarding shipping his own cupcake from Chicago..."It would be like shipping pussy..."

[TonyBagels]

4-17
Here's what scares me about the Japanese: Their love of robots is going to destroy the world.

[TonyBagels]

You know, except for me, this is the most unAmerican show there is. Luckily we have me, a true American and patriot.

[boardsofcanada]

I was dying when he was like ...Why dont we just put fred from brooklyn on for 6 hours and let him talk about those women he hates.

[Chuck Schick]

There's only two things I've been proud of. Ron Bennington's Got His Own Cupcake and Ron Bennington's Line of the Day.

[TonyBagels]

(after Dave comments on the 'surprise' of the pumpkin spice cupcake)

The surprise is we let you on the air.

[TonyBagels]

I met Stephen Hawkings during a book signing. I just put my hand over his mouth and nose and said, "Now who's smart? Let's see if you're smart enough to breathe."

[TonyBagels]

Did you know that Stephen Hawkings did the voice for the computer in War Games? {computer voice} Want to play a game?

[TonyBagels]

(during a long drawn out story that had nothing to do with anything, but this started to make me laugh)

It was 9-11 and we were 60 blocks from there. And why were we crying? Because they were playing Billy Joel songs.

[Arch Stanton]

Hicksville...Do you know who came from Hicksville? Billy Joel

[Arch Stanton]

Billy Joel....I call him The Piano Man, from one of his songs.

You know who he is married to...an Uptown Girl

[Arch Stanton]

Like jerking off on a Bike....you never forget

[Arch Stanton]

Fuck the Crazed Haters

[Arch Stanton]

Your out Big A..

You might want to think about crawling under something and dying.

[Arch Stanton]

Big A, we don't have Tomorrow but we have Yesterday

[Arch Stanton]

Fez why don't you stay home Tomorrow.

I want somebody here that is not gonna end up in a nut hut

[NortonsHeiny]

During Earls extremely repulsive photo shoot Lily asks Earl for a "sexy look" to which Ron replies "His sexy looks like he is about to **** you, like he just broke in..."

[NortonsHeiny]

Again regarding Earls looks during photo shoot Ron states "It looks like a New Orleans picture. We need to get him a stack of DVD players and some Heineken."

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron, talking about Reverend Wright and his shenanigans...

Ron: He reminds me of fuckin' Paul Mercurio, right now. He's putting himself above the show!

[Furtherman]

"Everyone in this country grew up in a crazy church."

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Ahh...the Africans always think they came up with everything. Africans only came up with two things...Adam and Eve. After that, I haven't been much impressed

[TonyBagels]

Fez: Is there anything you don't do well, that you wish you could do better?
Ron: RADIO!

[duggernaut]

Ron: Earl, your pubes look the beard on the black GI Joe.

[djeter220]

crazed: well, to make a long story short
ron: you can't

[TonyBagels]

Even a baby can die from a bullet.

He followed this comment up with: "I'm not gonna tell you how I know that, just that I do."

The whole thing fits more with the Ronnie B dry, make the listener think for a sec, type humor.

[TonyBagels]

(4-17 to Dave, after he claimed that he's happy when celebrities endorse candidates, so they do the work for him)

You are a waste of time. Fezzie, when are you gonna get better, so I can talk to you and not him?

[TonyBagels]

Dave eats shit in a hat .com

(after Dave made fun of Forbes.com)

No, it's called Daveeatsshitandthenputsitinahatandwearsit.com

[TonyBagels]

I think there are Dave stupid people who follow anything a Celebrity says

(about people following celebrity endorsements)

I think there's certain stupid people, or what I would call Dave, or Dave-McDonald-people that go with what celebrities say.

[TonyBagels]

4-17

Fez: What would you think your grandfather or great grandfather say about living in today's world?
Ron: I think he'd say it'd be hard for him to breathe, because he's been dead for years.

[TonyBagels]

4-17, to a caller that said the only celebrity endorsement that would sway him to vote a certain way is Ronnie B

Ron: Where you calling from, sir?
Caller: Bos..I mean Philly
Ron: Big Ass Prize Closet!

[TonyBagels]

4-17, minutes later

Ron: Jeff, you're on Ron and Fez.
Jeff (caller): Yeah, well, I'm from Phil..
Ron: Ah Big Ass Prize Closet!!

[TonyBagels]

(4-17, about internet radio shows)

Ron: What about High Society, they blow?
DJ Newstyle: No, HIgh Society is good.
Ron: Alright, see. If that's what your saying is good, I know these other shows must be awful. Because they don't try. They should be called We Don't Try Society.

[Arch Stanton]

Fez, you should stay in the Nut Hut for a year or two.

Do me a favor, make me a pot holder and an Indian key chain.

[Arch Stanton]

Your already crazy, in a nut hut right?

Just go choo choo choo choo, act like a train and get march right out of there.

[Arch Stanton]

Fez: I can't bring in a Hello Kitty to the nut hut.

Ron: Just go to sleep with it and hold it like a Fuckin' Maniac

[Arch Stanton]

Fez: I can't shit in a strange bathroom
Ron: Your gonna hang on to that shit like it is a diamond
Fez: Do you think they will check?
Ron: Yeah, they write it in a book

[dilznick101]

Talking about banging Fez's sister

Fez: That's my SISTER!

Ron: Tell me about it. That's what I kept screaming

[TonyBagels]

(4-18 about Fez repeating to himself "don't get lost, don't get lost" as he drives)


Your mantra should be anxiety and depression, anxiety and depression

[Goober]

Ron: I put Jimmy Buffet in the same place I put Seals & Croft.

[Goober]

In a discussion about where you are willing to live for 20 million dollars.

Ron (To Earl): For 20 million would you be willing to go back to Africa? I know people, I can make calls....... Can you also take Al Sharpton with you.

[Goober]

Ron (To Earl): Hey Earl, are you a fan of any Black magicians? ....Harlem Globetrotters?

[and a assist for Fez] Fez: [Black Magicians] make a VCR Disappear.

[Goober]

During about discussion about 'A Million Little Pieces':

Ron: A lot of books that are written are not true. The Bible! Who really wants to fact check that thing.

[gleet]

After the Matthew Modine interview:

All I'm gonna say about Mr. "Ride a bike everywhere"; he had us send a limo for him.

[Polack]

After the Matthew Modine interview:

All I'm gonna say about Mr. "Ride a bike everywhere"; he had us send a limo for him.

I was fucking rolling when he said this. I love it when he points out the hypocrasy of these save the planet douches.

[Goober]

05/01/08 - Sports discussion.
Ron: My Dream is a Daytona 500 Hurricane. Turn that red state into a blue state.

[TonyBagels]

(4-18)

Ron and Fez hanging out with you here, actually this is a prerecorded show. And I know what you're thinking: 'Prerecorded show because you guys are off today? Why don't O&A do that for us?' Well, 'cause I don't think they love you as much as we do. There's a love that you get from Ron and Fez.

[TonyBagels]

(4-18, about daydreams where you are a hero)

Dave: I still do on the subway, I always fantasize about a chick about to get r@ped.
Ron: By you?
Fez: That doesn't make you the hero, Dave.
Ron: Doesn't it? Alright, then I'm wrong.

[TonyBagels]

(4-18, seconds later)

Dave: There's a very urban type person, about to r@pe the girl and I just kung-fu his ass.
Ron: And then you hand him your coke?

[TonyBagels]

(4-18, daydreams cont.)

When I was a kid, I always imagined that I was the second coming.



--many of us believe that this wasn't a daydream

[TonyBagels]

(4-18)

The hero thing is in our psyches, so much, as little kids. Buried treasure: we think, I'll bring this back and my family will be alright. And there you are, you're 30, your wife's pregnant, and you're shitting in a hat for an extra two hundred.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Do not worry my friend...they cannot take out your brain twice

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: Don't pull the plug Ronnie!
Ron: As long as it's not too much on the costs...if XM wants to foot the bill, it's fine by me, but I'm not dippin into Ronnie B's pocket!

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: They said that I couldn't bring sweatpants, or anything with a drawstring. They said they'd have to take them from me
Ron: Your drawstring, you could probably kill 40 people

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Here we are...the young upstart Sam Roberts going up against the Terry Funk of radio, Fez Whatley

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Pitzy "I'm not getting any vacation, the Dragon" Pitzerelli

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Dave: What was the Freebird rule?
Ron: I believe it's that it must end every concert in the South....

[TonyBagels]

(during wrestling trivia)

Dave: Fez, what was the freebird rule?
Ron: I believe that freebird has to end every concert in the south.
{Laughter}
excuse me for trying to bring some entertainment to this thing.

[TonyBagels]

(as Fez holds Sam's girlfriend's lingerie)

I dare you to wear that to the nut-hut.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Sheepy: My comic book place is over in Lake Hiawatha
Ron: How far away is that from Hihowareya?

[Ball of Hate]

Pitzy should change his name to Dr. Death of a bit.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

ESD: Guy or a girl?
Fez (absolutely disgusted): Two k's and an i, take a guess
Ron: I'm gonna say guy...

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: If I have this discussion in group..."You know Earl Douglas?!?"
Ron: "Yeah, he r@ped a friend of mine..."

[TonyBagels]

Ron: Will you do me a favor Arch and sound more and more like Vos every day.
Fez: He hung up
Ron: Well, unlike Vos, he knows when to get out.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Caller: I think that was the first time I wore a bikini, I was like 11 years old. I think that was the best I've ever looked in a bikini too...
Ron: That's sad.

[samnyc08]

5/2/2008 Ron (to Fez): And I'll be here for you when you get out too.

[TonyBagels]

(4-18)

Dave (in hos ridiculous way to prove he's not lying): I swear to God. You can punch me in the dick.
Ron: In the dick? I can't fucking hit anything that small.

[MilkmanDan]

(talking about esd)

Ron : Disfiguring tattoos all over him

Anthony : There's the Wackbag.com tattoo , and I've never been more proud to be a member of that community.







(/bow Danesy)

[TonyBagels]

(4-29, about Lilly's video by CypherFilms)

The odd thing is, I haven't gotten past a minute and a half. I don't know why. I'm dying to see how it turns out.

[TonyBagels]

(found this written down buried under paper on my desk, God knows when it's from)


(to Paul O about selling his house)

Fez: How much are you asking for Stink Acres?
Paul O: Well not yet. I've been painting it.
Ron: You know what you ought to do is paint that place with invisible paint.

[TonyBagels]

(4-30, to Earl about his shitty opening music)

Why did you bring back the ghost of Muni, Earl? What is the use of being on satellite radio if you're going to play the same things they play on terrestrial? You want to go to terrestrial, they don't want you. Live with it, Reverend Wright.

[MilkmanDan]

Ron - The #1 Killer in Africa is the #1 Killer here, guess what it is Earl? I'll tell you... Blacks

[TonyBagels]

(4-30, about the Mylie Cyrus pictures)

If you really want to give your daughter something to be in, have her take control and responsibility for her own actions, and nothing about Hanna Montana. Teach her that her body is hers and no one, NO ONE, can tell her what to do.

[TonyBagels]

(4-30, about photos and magazines)

It's all bullshit. It's all about selling products. That's all anything is. You think that if you're gonna get a hot tub you'll be fucking happy? It doesn't happen that way. I've had money and I've been broke. and all the shit you see in those fuckin' magazines is all bullshit. It's 100% sales. From the time you wake up in the morning to the time you shut your eyes at night, just take a day and try to think about how many logos you see in a given month, as you're walking down the street, as you're driving. They are trying to sell to you constantly. You know you're in credit card debt and everyone you know is in credit card debt. Have these fuckin' things made you happy? Have one of these things made you happy? All these things are bullshit.

[TonyBagels]

Barbara Walters wrote a book, she was depressed. Every human being is depressed. Lets stop acting like that's not normal. If we just say depression is normal than no one will have to write a book about it. Who the hell hasn't felt bad.

[TonyBagels]

(this one's from a week or so ago, found it written on my desk)

Caller: Dave, you really are a drama queen.
Ron: He really is..only I'd drop the drama

[TonyBagels]

(another note without a date, judging from it it must have been a replay)

Caller: Dave does your girlfriend (westside) know that you're such a pussy?
Ron: I wonder if she knows that she's having lesbian sex.

[TonyBagels]

(to Mooch, I think)

That's 'cause you're Catholic and you swore on the bible. Fez is a Lutheran, they wipe their ass with the bible.

I went to Fez's church and they had the bibles next to them. I was like, "I'm not gonna touch those!!"

[hudsonharden]

Congratulations to Ron for passing Roger Clemens to move into the #2 spot on the all-time Strike-Out list. Only 1,030 more to go!

[Garyisajoke]

(when comparing members to the show to characters in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest):

And I'll be the guy who went to the Bahamas.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Don't blame us, blame Eve. It's that apple-eating bitch's fault, not anyone else's

[Arch Stanton]

This is what Fez's call sounded like. (from the nut hut)

Cues....Hello Muddah..Hello Faddah

[Arch Stanton]

I'm wondering is this what he needed? Kick ball and Macaroni art?

[Arch Stanton]

You know what? I'm gonna go down there and beat the shit out of her.
Fez: She is an old woman now
:Ron: Yeah, exactly, it's payback time now.

[Arch Stanton]

I'm gonna fill a pillow sack with oranges and beat the shit out of her.

[Arch Stanton]

I had a nickname from one of my parents, noy gonna say which one that I was the Village Idiot

[Arch Stanton]

If I had to be home by 5:00, and I was having fun, I would stay out and take the punishment.

[Sack of Chisels]

Why didn't you go and hang yourself like the guy in Shawshank?..... "Fez was here"

[Sack of Chisels]

I'm going to give you an "A" for this whole experience....... I also gave an "A" to the girl who pissed her pants..

[Arch Stanton]

They say 34% of Mothers cheat on thier husbands.

I would think after she pushes the kid out that little Irish dick.....

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: That's not "post-partum depression" that's just the realization that now you've got TWO fucking anchors holding you down

[gleet]

Talking about sex to induce labor:

I did that for my daughter, then for two of the neighbors.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Popcorn Ronnie B: (talking about Speed Racer) Everything's neon. It's like Skittles jizzed in your face

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: You can stop whenever...cause I really want to see the Dark Knight
Ron: He's right in there. Doing a horrible job, his first day back on the board...

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: There's some controversy about the Martin Luther King Jr. statue that's going up in Washington DC
Ron: IT'S BLACK

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: The Nazis did a lot of normal stuff aside from all the crazy shit! I'm not gonna use a pencil like Adolf! Get rid of that Hitler-stick!!

[Jimmy's Dignity]

(talking about how Obama needs to bring Hillary along on his ticket as the VP)
Ron: Sometimes you've gotta take the fat chick to prom so you can get in!

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Earl: I really like Bill Richardson from New Mexico
Ron: Oh so you can get maybe New Mexico? It's bad enough there's a black guy, so lets go get a Mexican!

[Arch Stanton]

I had a bowl of cherries that was so good I thought is was a bowl of Blonde Lebanese Hash

[Arch Stanton]

I grew up thinking a Pomeganette was a Chinese Apple

[Arch Stanton]

If I gave you a Pomegranette and took it back would I be an Indian Apple Giver?

[Arch Stanton]

They put Avocado on a Turkey Sammich like you would use lettuce.
It was so good I almost cried.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Earl, if this country winds up looking like that fucking ghetto Airplane movie...

[duggernaut]

While discussing who Obama will pick as vp.

Ron: Hey Earl, who is Obama gonna pick...Rerun?

[boardsofcanada]

Anytime someone tells a joke anywhere Lorne Michaels gets a buck.

[Pearce]

You're more likely to find God on drugs than in church

[Sack of Chisels]

Fez: there's nothing wrong with these shoes!
Ron: it looks like the 80's threw up on your feet!

[Sack of Chisels]

Lilly: crazy girls are always good lovers
Ron: well, until you cum and they still wanna keep fuckin! that's the problem with it..

[Sack of Chisels]

Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States..
<plays gin & juice>

[Rauensnake]

If they are mixing disco and rock and roll... why don't they just call themselves Queen?

[crippledalbino]

about Dave's baby being born in the ocean:

"And Earl, I want you lying in the pool, at the bottom, holding a sign that says 'why aren't black people more buoyant?"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Mothers chum and they don't even know it!

[crippledalbino]

Earl: I'm totally capable of love!
Ron: I'm writing a book. An eggplant can love!

[Arch Stanton]

I'm writing a book:

The Eggplant That Learned to Love

[Arch Stanton]

Are their people that just sign books? Not write them, just sign them. I love sigining books.

[Arch Stanton]

Is that Groz? I thought he quit.

[Arch Stanton]

Fez, when you have Dejavu, do you blame it on the dog? Because you may have farted.

[Arch Stanton]

With Dejavu, do you ever yell out, who ever smelt it dealt it? Because, you may have farted instead.

When you have Dejavu, do you say pull my finger? Because you may not have Dejavu, you may be farting.

[Arch Stanton]

a little bass in it!!!!!

[Sack of Chisels]

"That's not deja vu, that's hayseeds not being able to think of anything new"

[LiddyRules]

On Throwdown With Bobby Flay

This poor woman from Wisconsin. "I make the best waffles." It's all she has. She's spent her life working on this one waffle recipe. Flay has 8 restaurants and 3 TV shows. She loses and she has lost all her dignity. It's like he went to Wisconsin to **** her.

[Sack of Chisels]

earl: i've been down south
ron: south jersey..

[Sack of Chisels]

earl, you said obama's perfect running mate would be just RIMS!

[crippledalbino]

"My favorite animal, and I will keep this as a pet, is a sausage sandwich."

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: You, my friend, clearly don't listen to Bob Marley and that song about his horse. Get up! Stand up! Stand up for your life!

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: I am like, "Great song, here's a comb...."

[Goober]

Ron [To Bob Marley]: Great song, here is a comb

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Earl, your people were eating spider monkey up to 25 years ago

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron to Earl: You're only 1 boat ride removed from eating Spider Monkey!

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron to Lilly: Do you feel bad for vegetables?
Lilly: No, I don't feel bad for them
Ron: I do because they can't run away

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: To me, the most perfect food, would be a paralyzed baby....

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: I hunted from a train once! We didn't go anywhere near the woods...but we did go through West Philly. Earl, stop looking at me like that!

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Would you consider it an invasion of her privacy if I hit a girl in the head with a bag of nickles, took her back to my place and made a girl suit out of her?

[jimmyolsenblues]

ESD:if i wasn't married i be banging black women
Ron:if you were not married you be sucking cock

[jimmyolsenblues]

Ron: I have a pet, a sausage and I put it in a bed of bread, it never lasts longer than 10 minutes, but I still love it.

[jimmyolsenblues]

Fez: "You were never at Nasa"
ron: "What are you a cockblock".

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: You were with ET before your wife!
ESD: She was a lovely girl...
Ron: You're out of your mind, she was a tree stump with a purse!

[Sack of Chisels]

"I can't wait until you divorce, I'll be laughing in your face."

[Sack of Chisels]

Everytime I turn on national geographic I see "IS THERE BIGFOOT?" -- NO!!! end of story.

[Sack of Chisels]

I'd like to get every fucking horse back for what they did to superman.

[Sack of Chisels]

caller: Ron, I actually emailed you last week about my chick breaking up with me...
Ron: Oh, yea, I'm sorry I wrote back "LOL"

[TonyBagels]

5-14 about Rikki Lake and child birth

Dave: Well, maybe I should go to Miss Lake's.
Ron:I wish you would. I wish you'd go to the Great Lakes..dive in.

[TonyBagels]

5-14, about HTG

Ron: In my opinion, Deb is the real father of that baby.
Dave: Well she's lacking a certain, you know, organ.
Ron: Well, you barely bigger than her. BARELY!

[TonyBagels]

5-14

You know what I'd like to get, Fezzie? Two people actually producing over there. In a kind of what I call, a Mooch-Pepper Hicks capacity. Because we haven't found anyone over there to fill in for Mooch. The other day, I asked about some production, my three paid producers said to me, "Well, today's not Pepper's day. We're waiting for Pepper Hicks to come in." How do they live?

[TonyBagels]

5-14, to a caller who wasn't impressed by the Ron Bennington cupcake

You know what, I got the perfect place for you: Dunkin Donuts. You ought to go to a place called Ham & Eggs

[TonyBagels]

5-14, about the cupcake

Ron: And the special ingredient, do you know what the special ingredient is?
Fez: No, what?
Ron: Love

[TonyBagels]

5-14

Alright, Ron & Fez Show we're going through news, grasping at straws here. Why? We don't show prep.

[TonyBagels]

5-14, when a musical cue was missed

I'm gonna get a producer for my next show. I'm gonna get a producer. And Earl, make sure you're listening to it.

[TonyBagels]

5-14, about having deja vu while talking to Fez's brothers

Guess what, I talk to you and your brothers and I go through the same conversation over and over. That's not deja vu, that's hayseeds not being able to think of anything new. {in Southern hayseed voice} You like football? You think Gators gonna be great this year? You like smoked pork. You come on down here we'll smoke you some pork. We'll watch Gators on TV. One time, I was watching the Gators, and I looked at my pool and guess what was in there, Gator! And guess what I was eating, Gator!

[TonyBagels]

5-14, deja vu

Fez: It feels like you dreamed it and all of a sudden you are reliving your dream.
Ron: Come to me when that happens, because it means there's a glitch in the Matrix, and we'll have to look out for Mr. Anderson.

[MilkmanDan]

Ron - Now Fez, who was your favorite most realistic TV couple?

Fez - Roseanne and John Goodman, from the Roseanne Show.

Ron - Oh the Roseanne show, thanks for clearing that up, I was totally lost there for a second.

[MilkmanDan]

Dave - My Girlfriend likes to know when I spank it and sometimes watch

Ron - Does she taunt you while you do it?

[MilkmanDan]

Ron - Earl I'd ask you about women but you've never been with one. What's the biggest problem, Skin color?

[LiddyRules]

You know what I found out about Margaret Cho? Her mom talks funny.

[boardsofcanada]

A deer is the second fastest fuckin animal on the planet..first is a street crack dealer...they're fuckin GONE

[NortonsHeiny]

Ron refers to Daves ex as a "Tree Stump with a Purse"

[RMPGP]

"Earl, What's the moral of the story after you get past the dull boring part?"

[RMPGP]

"Being the number one woman athlete is like being the number one blind bowler."

[Sack of Chisels]

(on discussion of news sources)

I go to aintitcoolnews.com, and they told me that Indiana Jones, quote, "sucks balls"... unquote.

[boardsofcanada]

The best con men to me run churches, those people that stand up there and they're getting peoples money so that after you're dead you're going to get something wonderful. Theres no way that you can come back and say I did not get the product I wanted. THATS a great con.

[Sack of Chisels]

Fez: the intimacy thing gets to me, so I'm just.. you know, if there's something you're uncomfortable with do you do it anyway?
Ron: Yea, lick dat ass! that's what you're curious about?!

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Earl: I have a friend, a very successful lawyer, in a very nice car...he got pulled over
Ron: As soon as the lights go on he runs under the refridgerator? They scatter like cockroaches!!

[MilkmanDan]

Ron to Dave - You know what I want to do? Get you and your friend Crazed grilled cheese sandwiches then you can sit on the floor and watch cartoons.

[spittinmad]

....thats where Ted Kennedy fucked up. He did well at not getting shot. He just forgot...don't get sick

[spittinmad]

(From a few days ago)
You're like a kindergartener. You should be making macaroni art and playing kick-ball. Earl I'm starving. We got any art back there.

[duggernaut]

Ron: And then Crazed, can he come stay with your parents?
Crazed: Uhhhh who?
Ron: Dave......your doppleganger.

[Sack of Chisels]

They oughtta change the name of this country to Disney.

[FAZ8218]

On black lifeguards:
Ron: Wouldn't it be funny if you didn't see anyone swimming in front of his section. Like "Just give me a fuckin chance. I'm certified."

[FAZ8218]

Talkin about sandwiches (which had me fucking starving and I had already eaten lunch):
Ron: And Lilly won't mix meats, like it's the Ghostbusters beams.

[sd187]

Von Hayes and his golf swing...that mother fucker.

[R.BuddDwyer]

Talkin about sandwiches (which had me fucking starving and I had already eaten lunch):
Ron: And Lilly won't mix meats, like it's the Ghostbusters beams.

x2

[R.BuddDwyer]

Yesterday, In the middle of Crazed's woman pizza beggar story.

"There a payoff here?"

The boredom in his voice was gold.

[NortonsHeiny]

To Sheepy--- And Sheepy stay stupid. You know what Sheepy you better hope Flea keeps listening to 202 or you'll be the stupidest one out there. You should keep Flea alive....

[R.BuddDwyer]

RB: "...for exposing him as a liar and a theif"
ESD: "I haven't stolen anything"
RB: "You stole the pride of North Jersey"

[R.BuddDwyer]

"You can surf in a goddamn water park, does that make it an ocean?"

[R.BuddDwyer]

"If Jesus was playing the ukulele I wouldn't pay 3 grand for me and my chick."

[TonyBagels]

5-21, to Earl

Why don't you, Fez, and Craze pull an asexual train on Patty..where you never touch her.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Wouldn't you like to get your dick sucked without taking your pants off?

[Ball of Hate]

Good news! It's Hawaiian Shirt Thursday and we celebrate with a ****!

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: See now I'd like to see Jonathan get back together with Casey and raise this child properly...

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: When [Earl] cums it's gonna look like Jed Clampett was hunting for some food...black gold

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: If he doesn't swim, how can his sperm? I'm worried his sperm will drown...

[Jimmy's Dignity]

[talking about Lilly & Ant getting together...]
Lilly: Maybe that's the fantasy threesome I should have
Ron: You do owe him one...

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron to Earl: If you have sex the way you produce a radio show, you're gonna wind up fucking yourself in the ass!

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: I. Am going. To die.
Ron: Yeah, but so's Dave if that makes you feel any better.

[BigWilly]

About Paul-O:
"Well, he loves movies...and hates Florida."

[TonyBagels]

after a kick-ass Arch call

Time to get Arch's line of the day.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: I'll show you an e-mail saying Bill Clinton wants to eat my ass, that's how easy it is to fake an e-mail

[Sack of Chisels]

Ron: Lilly, you have a **** fantasy
Lilly: Yes.
Ron: This could be your lucky day, you know why? it's Hawaiian shirt thursday, and we celebrate with *****.

[LiddyRules]

"I decided this when I was halfway through Speed Racer, in terrible pain."

"American Idol, Let's go to the phones"
*dial tone*
*dial tone*
*dial tone*
*dial tone*

*On running for president*
"I'm going to be in an Evel Kinevel suit, with an American flag pin and a picture of Jesus- white Jesus- saying "I'm glad my mom didn't abort me because I grew up straight." I would probably get 65% of the vote."

[NortonsHeiny]

Just going through my saved Best Ofs and heard this line which holds up as well as Jaws regarding Dave getting his Coke taken by a homeless giant on the subway:

"Why didn't you just queef at him?"

[NortonsHeiny]

Ron tells Lily to join the asexual group "We need one more girl and we got an asexual Mommas and the Poppas"

[IDidItAll]

"Earl, there's no way anything white comes out of you."

[BIV]

Fez's ping pong on this was great but didn't get anything:
Ron to Earl: If you have sex the way you produce a radio show, you're gonna wind up fucking yourself in the ass!
Fez: He's have to get his head out of there first....

[Arch Stanton]

I don't know who I want to come back, Joe Strummer or Jesus...

I couldn't make the call

[Arch Stanton]

I think a liar like you Earl would even back me up on that.

Right Liarboy?

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Well if that's the case, why don't you just stay home and play Nintendo all day? Cause that would be God's plan too

[Arch Stanton]

Caller: We found a road...
Ron: Now that you got that, why don't you blow each other

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: And you know what else we should do while we've got that white flag up? We should just surrender to Australia entirely. Then Earl, you'll be an aborigonie

[Arch Stanton]

Smoke break? Why have a smoke break if you can smoke at work?
Oh, you can't smoke at a cubicle...you'll burn the cubicle down

[Chester'sLiver]

*about Earl being a fluff girl*

"I'll pay you 14 an hour..You just go around polishing knobs."

[R.BuddDwyer]

RB as ED: "Dis' is a fo'ty five cent ciga'!"

[Turtle]

We lie all the time in radio, any time we do a live read we are telling a lie.

[jimmyolsenblues]

topic: Black outs are a cop out
Ron: "Oh I am sorry I shit in your wastepaper basket, I blacked out"

[NortonsHeiny]

About Floridas uber tan Governer "Hes tan like he is a European photographer tan."

[FAZ8218]

You ever see those fuckin black guys drinkin out of a dixie cup... like what are you supposed to do with that? Gargle?

[NortonsHeiny]

Impressing women with ice:
Here honey just come stick your head in the fridge while I finger bang you with your head next to the butter dish...

[NortonsHeiny]

Discussing Earls version of a keg party...
"Earl your people just gathered around a 40:

that one really got me!!

[NortonsGravyLeg]

Discussing Fez's childhood.

Ron-I was the one who r*ped you as a child. I pulled your pampers down and pounded you in the ass, can we move on now!

[NortonsGravyLeg]

Ron to Earl when Sal told him he had mac n cheese for him.

Ron-You want some mac n cheese Earl? Or as you call it the black mans lasagna.

[gleet]

Earl "I have 6 sisters, I know when a girl says no and means no."

Ron "Your sisters didn't say no. They said mo'. And mo' means mo'."

[Sack of Chisels]

"Lilly, you gotta find yourself a nice muslim man.... you gotta start hanging out in caves."

[R.BuddDwyer]

RB: "Earl, you once told her (Lily) 'It's time for the "Black Cock Roll-ition'."

[TonyBagels]

about the new black television news channel

You will see weather girls with the biggest asses. They'll be able to show the weather on the ass.

[MilkmanDan]

Ron : A Black News Channel? There will be women with such big asses they'll project the weather right onto them

[crippledalbino]

Fez: "Apparently there was an autistic kid in the class..."
Ron: "Amazing how well those kids can draw!"

[MilkmanDan]

Fez : Soon there'll be a Fez Whatley highway out there.

Ron : That's a dirt road, it'll back up right on you

[NortonsHeiny]

Regarding Lilys Muslim music-

"You grew with music that sounds like someone is beating a bunch of cats with a tennis racket."

[NortonsHeiny]

Regarding Earls Black TV News Network:

"Todays big story....Rims!"

[NortonsHeiny]

For reasons I still can not understand a woman calls and admits to finding Earl interesting but alas she is married to which Ron replies...

"Hold on I think I hear your husband throwing up!"

[NortonsHeiny]

When Earl hears that the above caller is married he states that is the story of his life to Ron replies...

"No it isn't, the story of your life Earl is a 1/2 a chapter long."

[R.BuddDwyer]

About Black news:

RB: "Try to get a BRC segment. Call that thing piss break."

[NortonsHeiny]

When Lily states that Fezs Chinese food takeout goes right through him Ron says "Of course it does, he should just throw it in the toilet and cut out the middle man."

[Patrick B.]

Lilly [to Fez]: You don't dine al fresco in the summer?
Fez: No, I don't care to do that.
...
Ron: He dines Al Dukes, he eats something off Al Duke's ball sack.

[Sack of Chisels]

Ron: Earl, what feels better for you, piss or shit?
Earl: a dump..
Ron: (interjecting)..on your chin

[LiddyRules]

*on the sex and the city movie*

I've never seen the TV show but maybe I'll see the movie just to make you sit through the review.

[jimmyolsenblues]

Ron: "Oh, Girls are so stupid!"

[askewcore]

To Earl:
Look at how you cure diseases in Africa, "Oh you got smallpox? Rub your ass on this mushroom"

[R.BuddDwyer]

I'm truly excited at the prospect of getting this fucker to 5000.

[Sack of Chisels]

"Earl, I don't know how to say this.. but you were working yesterday."

[duggernaut]

On Daytona, FL and kegs -

Ron: That entire fucking town smells like a keg. The inside of all the hotel rooms smell like a keg and a biker's ass.

[LastDeadMouse]

Earl, if you want to, break a watermelon off at the DMV and just sit there and start eating it.

[R.BuddDwyer]

RB about CE: "She's the only woman I know of that took 18 minutes to give birth. Very easy. She said it was like shooting a grape seed.....*pchooo*"

[Arch Stanton]

I can't get close to Jesus with all the idiots around him.

[NortonsGravyLeg]

Ron - How come your mom doesn't make us any pie anymore. I love your moms pie. Love to stick my finger in it.

[boardsofcanada]

I hope somebody remembers from yesterday the exact quote....

He said something about how every one at p funk shows goes up on stage, and that at one point and looked in the crowd and saw george clinton.

this had me dying, would love the exact quote for my quotes collection.

[boardsofcanada]

guess not

[LiddyRules]

Fez: Would you rather be a giant or a midget?
Ron: How tall do you mean by giant?
Fez: 10, 12 feet.
Ron: 10,12 feet! How big is your midget? 7, 8 inches?

[FAZ8218]

RE: Cannoli lady story.
"Fuckin starvin. Earl, you got anything I can eat in front of Fez? 'Cause I'll do it."

[R.BuddDwyer]

RB "Try and get him to reach into his wallet. He still has an Esso card in there."

[NortonsHeiny]

Ron asks Earl what games they played in grade school "Lets chase darkie Earl, is that what you played?"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

talking about the Sons of the Confederacy wanting to fly a massive Confederate flag over Tampa

Ron: You know what they should have on that flag? 0-1

[Arch Stanton]

Shit your pants and keep going.

[Arch Stanton]

I'm gonna call George Thorogood and tell him his life is a lie

[Arch Stanton]

This is one nutty ass show

[Arch Stanton]

About Dave wackin' to an underage girl :

This is a moral conundrum. We have a Moral Conundrum

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Would it make you feel more comfortable if when you were getting close to the hole it had a cockhead and shaft...maybe some balls?

[jimmyolsenblues]

topic: hooker pictures
Ron: "I don't like her , she looks too confident.
i like the Asian girls who look like they been forced into it.:

[Herbie Robinson]

On whether Casey was in puberty from looking at her first grade picture:

Ron: "She is not a bleeder."

[Sack of Chisels]

"From my own experience, you CAN'T kill yourself with pills! it can't be done!"

[Sack of Chisels]

"in what context can i use the N word? because i'm looking for it.."

[Sack of Chisels]

"i remember being taunted as a kid: hey whitey, your dad got a new car, hey whitey, you have a house without other houses attached to it, hey whitey, you got lunch money!"

[MilkmanDan]

I treat a baby like anybody, one day in a restaurant kids just screaming his head off, I look over and say "Shut the Fuck up"

[Chester'sLiver]

"Happy New Queer"

[peas hode]

Fez is back!!!

Happy New Queer...Happy New Queer


Damn you chester :stomp:

[Sack of Chisels]

"you're not gonna be ashamed to cash your check this week, fez!!!!!!"

[Sack of Chisels]

"i get up, yell this movie sucks, go to the bathroom, come back and sit somewhere else"

[crippledalbino]

"John McCain has two things going for him. One, he's white. Two, the other guy isn't."

[Hidden_Rage]

Fez: You're a strategist!
Ron: You're gay.

[jimmyolsenblues]

Ronnie to his kindergarten teacher:
Ron:"You turn your back on me motherfucker and I am gone...fucking gone".

[jimmyolsenblues]

ron about school days:"if I saw a thong in my class I would have immediately stood up and jacked, i could not contain myself"

[TonyBagels]

Ron: Are you telling me you could marry a women with less than 10 toes?
Dave: Yeah, I could.
Ron: No wonder why you can vote for Obama, 'cause I'm much more conservative than you.

[jimmyolsenblues]

ron:
i get more accolades out that cupcake than this shitty radio show

[jimmyolsenblues]

ron:"Who do love more your baby or your mom, the Nazi's are coming"

[jimmyolsenblues]

ron:i dispise this show so much that everyday I get a little heartburn

[jimmyolsenblues]

ron: earl you feel you are ready to join the show
earl: Yes, I am always ready to join the show
ron: I don't .....Back on the couch.....ron and fez show.

[jimmyolsenblues]

topic: boxing women against earl and esd
fez: earl would get very low
ron: which is great if your catching.

[NortonsHeiny]

When Earl was trying to defend Obamas babys momma using the term "whitey" and it depended on what context she said it Ron asks him "What context can I use the N-word? Because Im looking for it."

[NortonsHeiny]

A possible McCain Slogan "I keep my couch inside the house like Im supposed to."

[NortonsHeiny]

Another McCain possible "Because I barbque on a grill not a barrel cut in half."

[Sack of Chisels]

caller: dave, your daughter has more shame already having you as a parent than i will ever have in 30 years of having an alcoholic father.

ron: big ass prize closet!!!!!!

[Sack of Chisels]

earl: if i make a mistake, i'll own up to it
ron: you're great that way... you own up every day!

[askewcore]

"That fuckin Frank's place guy goes like this, 'oh here's some food, why dont I put my 80-year old balls in it'"

[Goober]

In a discussion about NJ cuisine, ESD claims that the NJ tomatoes are the best......

Ron: That is like saying my mom's a great cook, she makes apples

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Okay, Dave sing your song & Blowhard you do yours.
<ridiculous noises>
Ron: Now let me point and laugh at XM for paying me

[Arch Stanton]

I want to be on a panel of Global Experts. I will be an expert on everything on the Globe

[Arch Stanton]

I know how to solve the water shortage crises. Faucets. I have one, you turn it on and water comes out.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: You know how I get around by not saying the N-word? I just call 'em Chinks!

[Arch Stanton]

I never use the N word. You know what I call Balck people? Chinks

[askewcore]

Caller: Hey did you hear about Journey's new singer?

Ron: You're gonna be shocked, but I haven't kept up on Journey. I dont get the newsletter anymore.

[askewcore]

Ron: Earl sing "Home Sweet Home"

(Earl tries to sing)

Ron: You sound like the abused Jackson brother

[askewcore]

Ron: I thought Ol' Betsey was the name Fez had for his scrotum.
Fez: Why would I call that Ol' Betsey?
Ron: Cause its musty and it stinks.

[boardsofcanada]

Caller says Kansas were the last to open for the doors before morrison passed away.

Ron: You know who Kansas opens for now? Walmart.

Hi we're Kansas welcome to walmart.

[NortonsHeiny]

Ron says if Obama gets elected reparations talk is done. Earl naturally says it would be an enourmous first step....Ron states "Thats the step, its over."

[NortonsHeiny]

If Obama gets elected Ron thinks the first thing he should do is "Put a black man on the moon. Its not fair everyone else gets to go but us!!"

[NortonsHeiny]

Ron commenting on what he would have asked Ted Kennedy when he was having brain surgery: "Was she still alive when you swam out of there?? Was she pregnant?"

[NortonsHeiny]

Ron as Hillary Clinton "Fuck You fucktards I dont know what I gonna do."

[Jimmy's Dignity]

from last night @ the Animation Festival.

Ron: I just got it, this whole thing is about you guys. "Hey come watch 2 hours of cartoons about Ant & me." You need therapy

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Animation Festival


Ron: I don't even know what I'm doing here, so I just drew a picture of a dead fetus

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Animation Festival

Anthony: East Side Dave...this is a man who said he would cut his baby daughter's arms off before he would cut off his mother's arms.
Ron: Of course he would, who'd jerk him off?

[TonyBagels]

I always refer to the O&A Road Shows as the traveling Altamont

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: You're the worst father since Chris Benoit

[NortonsGravyLeg]

^^^Damn you Jimmy's Dignity, you stole my thunder. :( hahahaha

[Arch Stanton]

Caller: Explains and starts preaching to Dave that he has to stop drinking and put the Baby first.
Ron: OK, your turning this into a meeting. Can not tell you how many times I got this talk from someone.

[Sack of Chisels]

earl: i've never badmouthed opie ever!
ron: you call 'em "the two fucks"!

[NortonsHeiny]

Dave stumbles over his thick tongue and says his mom has never let him "forgot" about bringing her finger to which Ron replies "Forgot? What are fucking Huck Finn?"

[NortonsHeiny]

After Dave chooses his mom over his baby---- "I dont know why Franklin wants into your family."

[NortonsHeiny]

On Jill & Ant "Im gonna say she is his Linda McCartney not his Yoko."

[NortonsHeiny]

Ron asks Earl what his favorite cartoon is soooo..."Earl whats your favorite cartoon? Junkgle Book? pause....... Song of the South?"

[NortonsHeiny]

Ron mentions "Earl just stood up like a negro maid."

[NortonsHeiny]

Regarding the song Dust in the Wind "it really is the best song about dirt."

[dilznick101]

The guy was 145 lbs as a Met. He was 245 lbs as a philly. You could have broken a dog over his back he was so fuckin’ ripped.

(sorry if this was posted before, I'm listening to the replay)

[NortonsHeiny]

A guy calls & tells Ron that Kansas was the last band to open for the Doors before Morrison left for Paris to which Ron says "The weird thing is that now they are opening up doors at Walmarts."

[BroGonzo]

I was listening to Best Of this weekend:

Ron to the guys from Cipher Films: "You two couldn't get noticed if you shot up Columbine High School."

[Arch Stanton]

To Fez: What did you get together with Huey Lewis and come up with :

It's hip to be square

(Best of aired 6.9.08)

[mikek]

Talking about the 90+ deg heat:
I was walking down the street today and I saw a woman with 2 toy poodles. One of them spontaneously burst into flames.

[MilkmanDan]

Ron on Lillys disheveled look : "Can we just put a bag over your head today?"

[NortonsHeiny]

On being a minority Earls says its tough sometimes, Ron says "What? Cant breath through that big nose?"

[NortonsHeiny]

More Minority speak...Earl says you cant go into some stores without being watched and Ron asks "Really? What stores? Because I want to go there and stand with my wallet out."

[jimmyolsenblues]

Please help did anyone catch this, I want the exact wording:

Ron: "Is there anything better than leaving somewhere, I love driving with something fucking rear window that I am leaving, I would be happy driving away from heaven".

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Earl, who'd you root for in the L.A. Riots? Africa or the L.A. Cops?

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Caller: There's nothing worse than a 7th generation Italian over here who's got those Italian flags & soccer jerseys
Ron: I call that Long Island...or Staten Island

[TonyBagels]

If they gave me twenty million, you'd fuckin' see a movie called Ronnie B Sucks Strangers' Dicks

[mikek]

Talking about Ed Norton getting paid ~$20M for 'The Hulk':

If they gave me $20M, you'd see a movie called, "Ronnie B sucks dicks."


edit: damn you, bagels!

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Caller: I've got 37 jumps under my belt...
Ron: Well I've got 2 radio shows...so fuck you and your parachutes

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Franklin: I've noticed that old people's ears and noses get big...
Ron: Earl must be old

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: I though Puff Daddy was the best name he had
Ron: I've got a name for him, but I won't say it because Earl's here. Best name for him...

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Lilly: I had to keep pulling up my fly
Ron: That's because your cock's so big

[Barbwire Mike]

R: Any way you're going to get better Fez? So I don't have to hear this rambling? Give me a date.

F: Ummm... tomorrow.

R: Yeech, I can't wait til tomorrow.

[Hidden_Rage]

Dave talking to Fez about getting hit

Dave: Have you been hit by any objects
Ron: ...a vagina

[Chester'sLiver]

Talking to ESD and his bright red forehead:

Ron: you look like aurora borealis

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: It's like we have a new enemy...the shark
Ron: The shark's always been my enemy. Ever since the summer of '74...
[cues Jaws music]

[stardog]

This is from tuesday. Pitzy tells Earl that they didn't do an Ichiban story and Earl doesn't mention it to Ron.

Ron: Earl, your like an information goalie, nothing gets by you.

[Sack of Chisels]

("Iron Man" playing)
"By the way, a great song to sing through your mom's fan.."

[FAZ8218]

"Hey it's our friend Arch. Arch, could you sound like Rich Vos today? Thanks."


:action-sm

[FAZ8218]

"Why don't people care... and I know they're busy with their I-Pods... about what went wrong over the last 8 years, so they can do the right thing for the next 4."

[FAZ8218]

Talking about the kid from the Dr. Phil show.
"I would be breaking a bar-stool on this motherfucker right now."

[FAZ8218]

Talking about Dave's mom hitting him with a wooden spoon.
"The closest that mick ever came to using that spoon was hitting her kids. Because she wasn't cookin anything."

[LiddyRules]

If only we'd listened to Al Gore. He's like Jor-El, nobody believed him and now it's too late. Luckily he put his infant son in a rocket ship and sent him to a new planet.

[flyerfan116]

To an ass kissing caller who said listening to ron was the only prize he needed..

"I'd send you to the prize closet but i wouldn't wanna hurt your feelings"

[flyerfan116]

...describing Earl and Fez as producers

It looks like bring your child to work day and Fez is Mr. Drummund


:clap: :clap:

[Deadbent]

In discussion of Fez not wanting to piss in front of people in a crowded public bathroom, etc.


"So, your penis is an idiot."

[MilkmanDan]

Playing the password game, the word is "Homo"

Ron : FEZ...... FEZ.......

[duggernaut]

Regarding the "Brown" gun that makes people shit themselves.

Ron: You know has that....Dave Matthews. He comes out and hits the first chord and everyone shits there pants.

[NortonsHeiny]

Regarding the fat kid on Springer slapping his mother Ron says "I'd slap him with a bag of hot nickles."

[NortonsHeiny]

About the same kid: "I'd boil hot water and throw it on him. Maybe the only thing he'll understand is burns over 80 percent of his body."

[NortonsHeiny]

When the baby on friday entered the studio became scared her dad commented that she has never seen anything like Earl before Ron says "Of she hasn't, its like she was thrown into a Tarzan movie."

[Barbwire Mike]

On guilt vs. free will:

Ron: Just like with Fez, if he was ever really going to do that Broadway thing. I don't like Broadway plays. Would I show up there to see him? Yeah, I'd be there for the first act. Why? Because I wanted to see my friend.

Fez: Just the first act?

Ron: They're gonna close that shitty fucking play halfway through.

[Taint Monthly]

(On living forever)

I saw the Jonas Brothers on Regis this morning, Im not sure I want to make it till this afternoon

[NortonsHeiny]

Not sure it was posted but heard this today listening to a replay I saved...

"We are trying to make an Earl cupcake but we are having a hard time making a cupcake out of government cheese."

[Sack of Chisels]

Dave: I kissed that big... man.
Ron: You almost used the "N word"!!!!!!

[Sack of Chisels]

Fez, I'd like to do a show with you called "Masked", where I just learn less and less about you.

[RMPGP]

Franklin: "I don't think I can get any enjoyment watching those two girls kiss after just seeing Dave and Earl kiss"
Ron: "Because you already blew your wad"

[LiddyRules]

Stew, let me explain this to you and you can think about this when you're high, just because you get a New York TV station doesn't mean you're in New York. You're in fucking Long Island, and that's bad chi.

[TonyBagels]

6-12-08 Seriously, how did this not get picked up during the live show or even the replay?


Don't be that guy that gives in. What if Martin Luther King said, "We can't do it. Whitey's too strong."?

[TonyBagels]

6-11

Ron: Let me ask you this. Now do you think it's gay when a man cries?
Fez: No, I don't think it's gay when a man...
Ron: Wait. I didn't finish. Do you think it's gay when a man cries on another man's balls. 'Cause I think it is, but you're in such a fuckin' hurry.

[TonyBagels]

6-11

Ron: Let me ask you this though, Fezzie. Seriously. Do you think it's gay for a man to listen to opera?
Fez: No...
Ron: Wait! What's your hurry? Do you think it's gay for him to listen to opera while he's getting fucked in the ass. 'Cause I think that's gay! I think that's 100% gay!

[TonyBagels]

6-11

Ron: Like, do you think it's gay for a guy to watch Sex in the City?
Fez: No.
Ron: Wait. While he's drinking cum? 'Cause I think that's gay. That's absolutely gay. It comes off as a bit gay. God forbid I should be able fuckin' to finish a thought here, before somebody jumps in and tries to end everything.

[TonyBagels]

6-11 (later)

Ron: Do you think it's gay for a man to watch a reality show?
Fez: NO!
Ron: Wait. While he's got his finger up another man's ass?
Fez: Yeah, that's gay

[jimmyolsenblues]

Ron: "did you hear about the new MKnight movie, People live under water and the fish pay taxes"

[RMPGP]

"these 45 cigars will last me to the end of the show"

[Chuck Schick]

How old are you Huck Finn?

[Arch Stanton]

I was a mean kid. I used to make the retards fight each other.

[Arch Stanton]

Your Dad was right:

Sometimes the only way to get sand out of a fat kids ass is with cum

[Arch Stanton]

Earl has not changed a bit. Fuckin' breaks something and blames somebody else for it.

[Arch Stanton]

Fez...you punched a pregnant retarded girl in the stomach?

[hudsonharden]

Fez: What was the movie where Marlon Brando wouldn't talk to the director and have another guy talk to the director for him?
Ron: Yes, it was called "vague."

[LiddyRules]

Opie did what we all dream of doing. He took a guy with terminal cancer who called the show, turned him over to the cops so he can spend his last days locked in a jail cell.

[Barbwire Mike]

ESD: What would the trade be? What would it entail?

Ron: You leaving, and me not seeing you.

[NortonsHeiny]

Earl takes what he calls a Staycation

[NortonsHeiny]

Ron says that Earl is sitting next to Fez & it looks like it is bring your kid to work day & "Fez is Mr. Drummond."

[Sack of Chisels]

On patrice groping HTG and choking out a brazilian girl at the animation festival.
"i'm like somebodies gonna shoot Patrice by the end of the night, it's the only way he can be stopped"

[Sack of Chisels]

"sometimes when I look at my show I hope this is like a matrix thing... and the real Ron is in a pod somewhere, and this is just a computer world"

[Sack of Chisels]

Dave: I bought Ron two very big-time cigars today.
Ron: Hmm, yea, you got em at a place called "generics"

[Sack of Chisels]

"Now, Earl, your grandmother's picture is on the maple syrup, that's her?"

[Sack of Chisels]

"Dave, maybe it's time to make the deal where you jump to the O&A show... now I'm gonna drive a hard bargain.. I'm looking for a bunch of old wow stickers."

[Sack of Chisels]

"Tito's: So Good You Can Drink It Out Of The Asshole Of A Black Man. Black Man Sold Separately."

[NortonsHeiny]

When the two really annoying Jersey girls were in the studio & one them says she is going to marry George Clooney Ron says "She's like a toddler with great tits."

[NortonsHeiny]

When above same Jersey girls says that they take offense to something Fez said Ron says "Sure if you get it you will."

[NortonsHeiny]

Franklin says he would throw his poo at a protest Ron says "So now its a monkey protest?"

[Spader]

Regarding Ed Norton in the new hulk movie:

Then again if you gave me 20 million you'd see me in a movie called Ron Bennington Sucks Random Strangers' Dicks.

edit: damnit!

[Garyisajoke]

(on great American bands)

Stupid caller: What about R.E.M?

Ron: What about them?

Stupid caller: Don't you think they transcended all sorts of genres?

Ron: Yeah, one: college radio.

(editor's note: R.E.M. sucks).

[krisko]

Ron to Earl about blacks:

'Are you guys ready to start acting like citizens?'

bwaaahaha

[jimmyolsenblues]

Topic: Obama's father's day speech
Ron: "Stop spending your money on rims!"

[TonyBagels]

(about watching National League ball, then trying to watch the AL)

How can you go back to watching that controlled softball league, after watching real baseball.

[TonyBagels]

(having Fez's eulogy ready)

Today we lost our Fezzie. and Immediately, he lost his bowels. The smell was so awful, we now know why he was scared to use public restrooms.

[TonyBagels]

Dave: I have other goals that I haven't yet attained.
Ron: Yeah, like pushing Fez off of the show.

[TonyBagels]

(about Fez's beard)

Fez: IT'S PREMATURELY WHITENED!
Ron: No, it's whitened right on time, poop-deck pappy.

[duggernaut]

Discussing sci-fi movies about the future that may come true...

Ron: What's your hope Earl? Planet of the Apes?

[duggernaut]

So dry - so god damn funny

Caller: in 2030 an asteroid will hit us.
Ron: Well good. We deserve it.

[EarthCrisis]

Discussing sci-fi movies about the future that may come true...

Ron: What's your hope Earl? Planet of the Apes?



hahaha ya beat me to it!:clap:

[dilznick101]

caller: i had to get rid of my girlfriend. she made me turn off ron and fez

ron: how could she make you turn off ron and fez? you should have taped her fucking head to the dashboard. i could have screamed. you could have called me and i'd scream in her fucking ear.

[NortonsHeiny]

Dave was mentioning that Opie & Fez were laughing with him on Friday Ron shoots back "I was pointing and laughing."

[NortonsHeiny]

When Will wouldnt come on the air because he didn't want his clients used for on air fodder Ron says "What about their mothers?"

[Sack of Chisels]

Earl: I'd absolutely vote for Wayne Brady
Ron: So you would vote for a white man!

[LiddyRules]

You ever got on a train with a bunch of low lives and wonder how those people can have souls?

[Chester'sLiver]

Tony Bagels : "All you have to do is make fun of dave 3 or 4 more times"
Ron: "What? Make fun of dick breath?"

[Bill Lehecka]

"What, make fun of Dickbreath?" Ronnie to ESD.

[Bill Lehecka]

"The Phillies Entire Payroll? Nintey Five Thousand Dollars a Year..."

[shittooth]

The Russian's are Fucking Pricks!

[ghirshorn]

They are not going to be playing in the dark as you sit there and make up pictures in your mind

[Bill Lehecka]

"I was stunned by the great dialogue... When you hear an actor yell out 'Hulk Smash'...."

[Bill Lehecka]

"If you fucking plants think you can turn on us..."

[ghirshorn]

we will come after you with weed whackers, lawnmowers, it's fucking over!

[TonyBagels]

I always felt sorry for him (Jesus) because his birthday falls on Christmas.