Ron Bennington's Line Of The Day

[tourettesguy]

My favorite today (discussion about soldiers wives cheating):

Caller: Some people didn't get enough hugs when they were kids...

Ron: Earl...

Caller: Some people were ***** when they were kids...

Ron: Fez...

Caller: Some people are just fucked up...

Ron: Dave...

Caller: Some people just have common sense...

Ron: Me

Ron even laughed at himself on that one.

I laughed fuckin' hard at that one too, the best part was that the caller didn't even hear Ron muttering his responses. BRILLIANT!

[Balogny Tits]

Speaking for the white race let me say that a) I appoligize for that....and slavery...and the **** of your women...and selling your children

[MilkmanDan]

Speaking for the white race let me say that a) I appoligize for that....and slavery...and the **** of your women...and selling your children

Shutup Thread-Derailer. Back to the Quotes

[Balogny Tits]

Shutup Thread-Derailer. Back to the Quotes

That was a quote from last week's show when somebody called in and made fun of black Earl.

And yes, I accept your apology.

[NortonsGravyLeg]

Fez: i have unconditional love for you ron
(ron throws cowbell at fez)
Ron: do you love me now?

I laughed like an idiot for 10 mins at this one. It was complete silence for two seconds after Fez said that and the clank! and onto the floor sound of the cowbell along with an Owww from Fez. I'm still laughing at it.

[BigBuffaloFan]

Talk about babylove:

Ron- I don't want an asian. I have a tough time telling if they are sleeping.

[Vinman]

When Ron was at the hospital visiting Fez and he said he took the pain killers from the table when the nurse asked about the missing pills Ron answered back "what am i ? the pill accountant ? priceless

[expungablerobot]

"We don't want a crack baby. Other than the fact that they always look like they're dancing- and I do find that adorable- we don't want that."

[bobimpact]

"Look, I'm just saying that if a chubby black baby shows up around here I know who was involved."

[BruceKellysJunk]

Talking to earl about travelling through maine:


"what are you doing in maine, stealing l0bstr traps?"




oops... silly wackbag censoring

[RotorHead]

Ron: Ever been to Malibu, Fez?

Fez: Never been to Malibu.

Ron: Shithole.

Just hilarious.

[Tommy Ceez]

On the subject of adoption prices someone mentioned a price of like 25,000 ron respondes with "You're thinking white prices" This man is an Absolute Genius
Were talking white prices here, Fez, you go for a black baby, and your looking at a nice chunk of change in your pocket

[timmykidd2104]

"Weird Al literally became a millionare because of MTV... and for that they should all burn in hell."

[MilkmanDan]

Ron on ESD's troubles with his about to cheat girlfriend...

"You know it might be the lack of AC, she might be thinking "I'll lick balls right now if I can cool off""

[Swede Boy]

Ron to ESD about his girlfriends friend: No that's a "homo path", I don't have a "homo path", You gotta have a "guy who's on top of the situation path"

[user name]

The caller had a great line in the background earlier...


"Bret is willing to cut onions"

[phillybri76]

"You ever heard 'There's no 'I' in 'team'? From now on, there's gonna be no 'Dave' in 'team'"

[Swede Boy]

"You should get a V for Vendetta mask, show up and say: Now it's on motherfucker!"

[LiddyRules]

On the girlfriend thing, bringing a gun, having it drop to the floor and say

"If the cops ever find this, I'm fucked."

"You should get a V for Vendetta mask, show up and say: Now it's on motherfucker!" The line was "It's all over mother fucker!!!."

[joefrombklyn]

:clap: Brilliant. Fucking brilliant.
truly a fucken comedic genius!!:clap:
it is amazing on how fucken fast he responds and he always makes sense and is never corny with the improv skillz.. i wish they were on for 4 hours it seems like the last hour always seems like the best!

[olchknnecktits]

Mr. B: "If you and me were sittin' around smokin' angel dust this would be a great conversation'.

[faggothawk]

Did 202 get the R&F promo idea from this thread? Seems pretty similar, how they run one of the best lines from the day before now.

[Swede Boy]

The line was "It's all over mother fucker!!!."
Thanks for correcting me

Talking about Dave getting into swinging:
ESD: Maybe if they were blindholded
Ron: ...and dead

[jobson]

Ron talking about how hot it is in NY

"I was walkin down the street today and a fuckin lion jumped out and took down a zebra. It's fuckin Africa hot."

[biga's basement]

On tall people blocking the view at a concert:
"I'll chop your fucking legs off like the toot-see's or the teet-see's or where ever the fuck Earl's from."

[TheJew]

On tall people blocking the view at a concert:
"I'll chop your fucking legs off like the toot-see's or the teet-see's or where ever the fuck Earl's from."

that one made me laugh real hard at work and got some people's attention.

[Polack]

Fez: we need a song
Ron: Hit the road jack. Thats our song
Aslo.....when John Mayer called in....
Did they tell you this is John Mayer. It just shows you they really don't care about guests at all. or the show.

[dodisman]

goddamn this has got to be the best thread on any message board...I only wish we had the audio for each of these quotes...

[FAngel]

Again on the subject of tall people at concerts, referring to really tall guys putting their chicks on their shoulders: (not exact, but I tried to salvage most of it)

"The only time a chick is on my shoulders should be nose to inner thighs. I don't fuckin' eat pussy with the back of my neck."

[watsonnostaw]

caller: no no no dont put me in a box

ron: I would love to..... a coffin

[biga's basement]

Again at concerts, this time on waiting to use the bathroom:

"I'm a sink pissin' motherfucker. And if we're outside, that's a bathroom. I'm not waiting on line like were a bunch of women with vaginas."

[TheBattleVirus]

Imitating dumb Louie Anderson, quoting something he said at the World Series of Poker, "I'm not a card-shark. I'm a card manatee."

[Douchebag Listener]

This one was from a couple weeks back, but it just popped in my head and really made me laugh. On why he likes KRS One:

"He's the only person that hates white people as much as I do."

[indymike]

Damn.... Ron calling out the "Fleas" to go after Shirly Hemple (Whats Happening).

Not sure if that is a line of the day but it sure as hell was funny!!

[ChoppedLiver]

Damn.... Ron calling out the "Fleas" to go after Shirly Hemple (Whats Happening).

Not sure if that is a line of the day but it sure as hell was funny!!


Hemphill.

FUCKING RONNIE !!! :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

[Wrecktum]

Asking About Crib Death Thats just fucking great

[TheJew]

on how baby love would address ron-
"unless it's by law or by blood, mr. bennington is fine"


"you know pigrattle could be her nickname for you fez"

[timmykidd2104]

I might be part gypsy cause every time I see a baby I want to steal it.

[LiddyRules]

From yesterday, "I want to wear a white shirt with a tie and a hard hat. This way I fit into both fucking worlds."

[rndystvn]

To Big A you can teach the baby the ABCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC's

[watsonnostaw]

Thats very nice of you Big A, now you can teach baby love her A B C...C...C...C...C...C...C...C's

[SmokePants]

"If I spin around like they do the hammer throw, I can throw this baby 60 or 70 yards."

[SaveToughCrowd]

I have to say, I giggle everytime Ronnie says "that don't make you a bad person."

[johnny39]

(talking about mikeyboy's baby)

"She's so adorable Fez. It's taking everything within me right now just to keep from french kissing her."

line of the week right there.

[expungablerobot]

Teaching the baby not to do drugs: "You shouldn't do too much drugs. Because until you do too much, it's fine."

[JOHNNY HAIRDO]

On throwing Baby Love:
"I would put two fingers under her arms and throw her overhead like a football, but then you would have to hope the baby would be in some sort of superman pose to increase the aerodynamics."

[ReganFan71]

ES Dave mentions he leaves the diner right away when they call him Carrot-Top...

Ron: "In tears?"

[dankone]

To begin today's (Friday) show.......

Ron : It's a sad day with the loss of Aurthur Lee. Love was such a great band for their time.

Fez : I don't know much about Love.

Ron : I know. That's why I don't really talk about it on the air.

[LiddyRules]

Correcting Earl when he said the first (and only) episode of the BRC went well.

Ron: "That's the same as saying..."
Ron *as Earl*: "I had a really great job interview."
Ron: "What do you start working?"
Ron *as Earl*: "I don't."

"Can't get a better food magazine than Maxim. At the same time they voted The Killers the most awesome band."

[watsonnostaw]

If your going to get busted, be rich

if your gonna get busted, be rich it really helps alot

[Swede Boy]

Great line during talking about Mr & Mrs Smith, Unrated version.
"...but you're acting like Brad Pitt's balls are slapping against something, and it's simply not happening"

[SmokePants]

A few from Monday.

To ESD after he remarked about Ron's extensive drug knowledge.

"So what's your fucking point? You wearin a wire?"

Talking about a bridge collapse in Oklahoma.

"Those bridges there are built with sticks and molasses."

and

"Do you know how many cousins who were fucking were killed in that accident?"

[TheBattleVirus]

Ron to Fez, "If you want a white baby, it'll cost you $150,000 at least. A black baby, they'll pay you 14 grand."
Fez: "That sounds more like what I want."
Ron: "Yeah, I'd pick up ten."

And another...

(Ron pulls out cigar in front of baby)
Fez: Ronny, you'll stunt her growth.
Ron: How big do you want her to get?

[AdolfOliverBush]

"Fez , how far do you think I can throw that baby?"

[westben2002]

Fez: TNA wrestling is just unwatchable

Ron: i bet it is

(all in the delievery)

[mikepop]

Ron:Go ahead Matt (caller)
Caller:This is Matt
Ron:I guess.

[westben2002]

(ron discussing his HS football career)

Ron: my HS football coach said "if you want to be on this football team, you have to give 110%" and the next thing he said was "Mr. Bennington where are you going?"

I said I can't do that, i have to many other intrests.....i can give you friday nights!!

[olchknnecktits]

The first time I have ever actually done a spit take...

"Dear Grandma, how's that dried up gash"

[Petrol]

line of the day:

"Believe me, once you have time travel you're *going* to kill a baby"

priceless.

[mildlyamusing]

On throwing Baby Love:
"I would put two fingers under her arms and throw her overhead like a football, but then you would have to hope the baby would be in some sort of superman pose to increase the aerodynamics."

That entire conversation about how far they could throw baby love was hysterical...everytime I think about it i start laughing like a retard with a pinwheel...

[SweetRelease]

While talking about bands for the R&R HOF:

Caller: What about YES?
Ron: uh...no

[Mesothelioma]

Caller: "Ron, how many midgets can you beat up at one time?"

Ron: A fucking infinite number.

[expungablerobot]

"Believe me, once you have time travel you're *going* to kill a baby"

Seconded- "Believe me, when you time travel, you're going to kill a baby. That's redundant."

[t.bag]

in reference to time travel again:

"[if i went back in time] i would take a lighter with me and tell everyone I'm God...'hey, its me, and i brought a piece of the sun with me...who wants to learn how to give a blow job?'"

[Haeder]

After a couple of bad calls.

1-866-Ron-zero-Fez, that's 1-866-Ron-zero-Fez (takes a breath)....fuck.

Now that I've written that out, it looks fucking lame but Ronnie's delivery made the line kill.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez talking about a new Alabama billboard having Ruben Studdard, Bo Bice, and whoever this last one was

Ron: "What's the slogan, 3 guys you'd hate your daughter to fuck?"

[jobson]

Ron talking about all the horrible stuff in the news

"when i see whats on the news, it makes me wanna stay drunk"

[watsonnostaw]

All we do is deal with scumbags, we're used to it

[JOHNNY HAIRDO]

"If Poison was playing outside my house I wouldn't look out the fucking window, in fact I'd be calling the police with a noise complaint."

[watsonnostaw]

your phones shit man, your phones just garbage

[ReganFan71]

Dave was repeating what Ron was saying (I forgot the topic...)

Ron: "Will you stop, I dont need someone doing that! If I did, I might as well go to Sirius and have a large black woman agreeing with everything I say..."

[watsonnostaw]

To Dave on his comment way off subject:

what does this have to do with anything that me and fez are talking about, you hear retard and you automatically have to add something

[ChimneyFish]

Simple, but had me rollin'.

"....that's why Christians aren't funny. You ever been to one of those Christian comedy festivals???? Fucking terrible."

[SmokePants]

Not sure what this one means but it made Dr. Pepper shoot out of my nostrils. When ESD was talking about jacking in front of a mirror.

"You must've looked like a fucking dolphin with a hard on."

and.

ESD: "I'm a very visual person."

Ron: "So why don't you comb your hair?"

[westben2002]

Caller: I'd pick TV because theres porn there

Ron: (really low voice) ughhh fuck these callers

[olchknnecktits]

Caller: I'd pick TV because theres porn there

Ron: (really low voice) ughhh fuck these callers
:clap: :clap: :clap:

Great shit, especially after like the third call bringing up this point. I'm really digging the ripping on the callers the past few days.

[watsonnostaw]

The only show I want to see in Vegas is two hookers going down on each other as I hit them with my belt

[JOHNNY HAIRDO]

"I know Republicans hate the french, but you got to admit taking August off is very civilized. Earl, what do they do in Africa, take 12 months off?"

[jobson]

The only show I want to see in Vegas is two hookers going down on each other as I hit them with my belt

this may need to go into the line of the day hall of fame

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Right at the beginning of the show, coming in out of some Janis Joplin...

I just want to take that album and beat every American Idol winner to death with it! This is what it's fucking about!

[expungablerobot]

"Give me my fucking Zippo, bitch, my Uncle used that to burn down Vietnamese huts- it means a lot to us- a lot."

Then
"...forget the Bill of Rights. Give me the Bill O'Reilley."

[BillyLiar]

The only show I want to see in Vegas is two hookers going down on each other as I hit them with my belt

for me, the best part was "I'm getting off the airplane with my belt in my hands"



Also, "I just come in, lie for 3 hours, and go home.. and I'm estatic"

[ChimneyFish]

"That whole bus seemed really gay. Then there's this rude Italian guy, right in the middle of it all of the sudden."

Ronny on Tourgasm & Bob Kelly.

[timmykidd2104]

Caller: "Earl, are you a top or a bottom?"
Ron: "You take it in the ass right?"
Earl: "NO!"
Ron: "So you fuck another guy in the ass?"

[Furtherman]

Ron upon hearing the opening song by Janis Joplin.

"I'd like to take Janis' album and beat to death everyone of the American Idol people with it."

[Iron Duke]

Don't know if its up here because I'm to lazy to look. Heard it on the midnight replay.

About ESD needing to jack.
"Look in the mirror........you look like a dolphin with a hard-on."

[BGrant]

The only show I want to see in Vegas is two hookers going down on each other as I hit them with my belt


Tell me THAT doesn't belong on a T-Shirt! Sure, you'd get killed within ten feet of stepping out of your home in the morning, but that;s pure comedy gold!

[Douchebag Listener]

I know a million people have said it (and I've probably been one of them), but this is the greatest thread on Wackbag. It just makes me giggle like a retard.

Oh, and seeing how we're up to 24 pages, could a mod please close this so we can try and start up part 2 again?

[KnitterRich]

Talking about surprisingly straight people with gay tendencies, and of course I'll butcher the line like eveyone else does.

Ron: How about me Fezzie? What kind of gay tendencies would you say I have?

Fez: (long pause) You like fine food.

Ron bulls-eyes Fezzie with the cowbell

Fez: Owwww!

Ron: Who's gay now?

[Absolutely]

Mr.B: I'll take one of those hideous snowcones right now, even a blue one.
Fez: The blue was always my favorite.
Mr.B: I bet it was huh. You've been known to do it from an early age.
Fez: I meant blue coloring.
Mr.B: Oh! I thought you meant Bluejob.

I laffed.

[JOHNNY HAIRDO]

Talking about surprisingly straight people with gay tendencies, and of course I'll butcher the line like eveyone else does.

Ron: How about me Fezzie? What kind of gay tendencies would you say I have?

Fez: (long pause) You like fine food.

Ron bulls-eyes Fezzie with the cowbell

Fez: Owwww!

Ron: Who's gay now?

Right after that:

Fez:"You hit me right where you hit me before, that's never gonna heal."
Ron:"Well why did you have to hit me with the gay stuff, I never do that to you."

[olchknnecktits]

Talking about surprisingly straight people with gay tendencies, and of course I'll butcher the line like eveyone else does.

Ron: How about me Fezzie? What kind of gay tendencies would you say I have?

Fez: (long pause) You like fine food.

Ron bulls-eyes Fezzie with the cowbell

Fez: Owwww!

Ron: Who's gay now?


:clap: I was just about to post this one...I think Mr. B's end was "Now who's fucking gay?" however, it had me fucking rolling.

Then today:

::Low voice:: "These fuckin' callers...tryin' to do a show here...they're dumb as shit"

[expungablerobot]

"There's never a revenge act, Fez, that I come up with, where I die too."

&
"If you suffer from depression, you are better off going to a drug dealer than a doctor. You will have more control if you take a walk down to MLK Boulevard, find a guy and say 'what are you holding?'"

[westben2002]

(Talking about politics)

Ron: i would like to see a politician without a R (republicans)or a D (democrats) after their name.

Fez: Yeah, i would like run for a position, and when i give my speech, there won't be a D at the end

Ron: yeah, because its already up your ass

[westben2002]

(reading engraving on grandfathers lighter from the Vietnam war)

Ron: "and they screamed as i burned their hut down"

[Sprite]

My favorite today (discussion about soldiers wives cheating):

Caller: Some people didn't get enough hugs when they were kids...

Ron: Earl...

Caller: Some people were ***** when they were kids...

Ron: Fez...

Caller: Some people are just fucked up...

Ron: Dave...

Caller: Some people just have common sense...

Ron: Me

Ron even laughed at himself on that one.

Thank you SO FUCKING MUCH for posting this GEM. By far, the funniest thing I've ever heard Ron say on the show. Best part was how he said it quietly enough where the caller didn't hear him so he kept going on and Ronnie nailed it perfect. :clap: :clap: :clap: :icon_mrgr :icon_mrgr

I laughed fuckin' hard at that one too, the best part was that the caller didn't even hear Ron muttering his responses. BRILLIANT!

Exactly!

[Sprite]

Ron to Earl...

"If you only came to work on the days you felt like it, you'd come in once or twice a week. Tops.......tops!"

So true.

[doc]

* After a female caller tells a story that was boring *

Ron: is there anything dumber than a woman?

[Arch Stanton]

Fez's Funeral plans.

During the guitar solo from Freebird, I take the Confederate Flag off the cofiin and give to your Mom or your Sister, They are the same person anyway.

[infectedwow]

I know it wasn't Ron's line but it went something like this when they were talking about the party that they were un-invited to....

Ron,"I am just so used to people asking me to plug everything"

Sheepy,"EEEEWWWW"

It took a little while for me, but I love R&F now..

[dirtydunky]

have to say it again as many have b4
great thread
i laugh so hard i tear
best thread on the internet

[JOHNNY HAIRDO]

I had this recorded on my MiFi, from a couple of weeks back:
"Earl here's what you do, always keep a saxophone in your car so when the police pull you over you can just say your on your way to the Springsteen show."

[BigBuffaloFan]

Talking about when you go into a bahroom and knock on a stall door and everyone gives the same answer. " Someone is in here"

Ron = I like to say who is this someone.

[BM_Richard]

Seconded- "Believe me, when you time travel, you're going to kill a baby. That's redundant."


Thanks for posting that one, I needed an excuse to laugh like a little boy with Pete Rose hair.

[Spencer Cat]

"You know why Hitler never drank, don't you? Alcohol made him mean."
Maybe that's not original to Ronnie but it made me laugh all day.

[Dick Whiskey]

To Black Earl: "Put a bow on your head and give yourself back to Opie."

[watsonnostaw]

caller: what do you do for Fez?

Ron: you've got to be fucking kidding me

[askewcore]

This was from a couple days ago, and might not be exact.

Ron: Fez, do I have any gay tendencies?

Fez: You like fine foods.

Ron throws a cowbell at him.

Ron: whats gay about me now?

[westben2002]

Fez: Why aren't gays allowed in the military?
Ron: BECAUSE GAYS MAKE JESUS CRY!!

[Sprite]

Ron to Earl during Earl's report... (hope i got this one exactly right)

"You're too dumb to hold a plate in your lip!"

:icon_lol:

[DustBuster]

RAMOOOOONE!!! Tell Fezzie to stop felching his own brother!

[lawjockey]

Ron to Earl during Earl's report... (hope i got this one exactly right)

"You're too dumb to hold a plate in your lip!"

:icon_lol:

Yep, that's the one from yesterday! I was driving and I drooled some water onto my lap from that one

[Catsmasher]

Today when Talking about the "beef" with O & A, Fez said something along the lines of : "The Beef is not with O & A it is with O & N".

Ronnie: Who are O & N?
Fez: Opie and Norton.
Ron: Oh, Opie and Norton, I thought you put Earl in there.

I know I butchered this, perhaps someone can more accurately describe the line.

[fatflyguy]

LMFAO< I missed that damn lined, holy shit Im pissing myself

[LiddyRules]

Not exactly a line but he has amazing timing with the tossed cowbell. Like when talking about the top 3 athletes of all time with Dave.

Ron: Start at number 3.
Dave: Jack Nikalus.
*Clang*
Dave: Ow!
Ron: Right back, Ron and Fez.

[Spencer Cat]

Not exactly a line but he has amazing timing with the tossed cowbell. Like when talking about the top 3 athletes of all time with Dave.

Ron: Start at number 3.
Dave: Jack Nikalus.
*Clang*
Dave: Ow!
Ron: Right back, Ron and Fez.

The cowbell is great, makes me laugh every single time.

[natedawg2471]

I forget the exact quote, but when Ron was doing Ramone stuff today I was dying. That was the best.

[watsonnostaw]

Discussing the "Fez, Opie and Norton" "situation"....directed towards Fez

Ron: Why dont you make them put wackbag into Pat Battle mode

[supertool]

Ron, with regard to the show: "Shit, is what this whole show is. The only thing we can do is change the consistency.

[Sprite]

Can we all agree that there is nothing funnier in radio than Ron throwing an accurately aimed cowbell at another human in studio? :)

[acnessen]

I completely agree, I can listen to that *ding* and a good screeching "OW!" for days on end.

[Douchebag Listener]

Not exactly a line but he has amazing timing with the tossed cowbell. Like when talking about the top 3 athletes of all time with Dave.


I had to stop and think about whether or not Ronnie is actually throwing the cowbell and decided he definately is when it's Dave and maybe just faking it with Fezzie.

[NortonsHeiny]

I howled for hours at the Earl is to dumb to hold a plate in his lip. Ronnie is just adorable

[olchknnecktits]

Earl: "It's Paul Wall"
Ronnie: "Was he in Harlem Heat?"

I'm still fuckin' laughing. Followed soon by Fezzie...

"DLo Brown on Keyboards"

[dodisman]

Fez: "Fez always WINS in the end".

Ron: "I thought it was Fez always Eats from the end".

[jimmysmoob]

I think it was tuesday but Ron had a great line:

following a discussion about hippies...
Ron: I'd like to tell you about a hippie. Had long hair, a beard...wore sandals...hung out with a bunch of friends............ripped off my Uncle!

Fez: Oh, I thought your were talking about Jesus.

Ron: NO!, Jeff Anderson (I think that was the name anyway). that asshole!

I was rolling around in my own urine laughing....then Ron made that joke.

[askewcore]

After a caller says Brooke Hogan is hot:

"You know who you should try running a batch to? Lurch from the Addam's family. Jerk off to that and see how it works out for ya."

[HeroOfTheDay]

Ron: He takes memory as a sign of intelligence. Like if you don't remember something he'll get angry. It's not about that, it's about understanding wisdom and not only using it, but be able to communicate it to others.
Dave: That just sounds like open-mindedness. Hippies would be the most intelligent people in the world by that system.
Ron: Well let me tell you about another hippie. He had long hair. He used to go places with his friends. Smoked a lot of pot. Then he ended up stealing some stuff from my uncle.
Fez: Oh..... I thought you were going to tell us about Jesus
Ron: No it was that son of a bitch... uh, Jeffry Anderson. Runs by the name of "Speedball"

[mildlyamusing]

Black Earl: Did your parents ever put their false teeth in the fridge?

Ron: No....I grew up in a white house...

[njpete]

Fez: "Sometimes I'm a savant."

Ron: "Well, you're an idiot. I don't know about the savant."

[LiddyRules]

Fez *singing*: I will survive.
*cowbell clang*
Fez: OW!!!
Ron *serious and angry yet quiet and monotone* Turn it off. Turn it off.

[Budyzir]

Fez *singing*: I will survive.
*cowbell clang*
Fez: OW!!!
Ron *serious and angry yet quiet and monotone* Turn it off. Turn it off.

The whole "I Will Survive" thing was the bit of the week to me.

[LiddyRules]

The whole "I Will Survive" thing was the bit of the week to me. "I Will Survive" was probably the best payoff of any long running bit on 202. Like people were talking in the other threads about how they wondered what the payoff would be, would it be worth it. IWS was sheer pefection.

[Arch Stanton]

Ron: I don't want paintings hanging up in my hallway painted by retards.
Fez: She is not a retard, She's running for state office.
Ron: What State
Fez: Florida
Ron: (quietly) Thank You

[BM_Richard]

When R&F were discussing what to get Winnie Cooper for her birfday:

Ron: "I'm gonna give her the copy of 40 Million Slaves that <author> sent us."

Fez: "Can it be from both of us?"

Ron: "No, it's from me and Earl, I'm gonna sign it and put Earl's fucking picture in it."

I know I butchered it, but this is the first chance I had to get on WB since Fri. As soon as I heard it, I thought of this thread, can't believe I'm the only one to post it.

[SilasMarner]

Ron: I don't want paintings hanging up in my hallway painted by retards.
Fez: She is not a retard, She's running for state office.
Ron: What State
Fez: Florida
Ron: (quietly) Thank You


Also, but with a "different" state;

Caller claims that dinosaurs all drowned during The Flood,

Asked what about Pterodactyls, who could land on the ark?

Caller= (no answer)

Fez = maybe they kept them away with pointy sticks.

Ron (getting bored with the call)= sir, what state are you calling from?

caller (hesitates, then....) = Mississipi

Ron and Fez (melodically) together = ahhh, Mississipi.

[Spencer Cat]

Ron to Fez: AREN'T YOU FILLED WITH BEN-WA BALLS AS WE SPEAK? What do you know of dignity?

The entire Friday show was comedy gold, from start to finish.

[Blake Karringto]

(Ron throws cowbell at Fez)

Fez: OWWW!!! Son of a gun!!

Ron: Watch the language.

[BIV]

Wow, I hated the i will survive bit....except for Fezzie getting hit by the cowbell, that's always funny.

[austex]

the day last week when john mayer was in studio and anthony had left ron and john were talking about gays and somehow about them fighting dont remeber the whole conversation. John mayer asked if gays fight and ronnie under his breath said yeah they slap the shit out of each other. dosent sound that funny written down but it had me crying for and hour for somereason.

[Douchebag Listener]

During Earl's report:

"They were destroyed millions of years ago Earl. Not fucking in the 1950s".

Gotta love ronfez.net for posting the audio from that show. Some of the funniest stuff I've heard them do.

[Samhain]

Ron to Fez: AREN'T YOU FILLED WITH BEN-WA BALLS AS WE SPEAK? What do you know of dignity?

The entire Friday show was comedy gold, from start to finish.

Lets not forget Fez's equally hilarious, if not more suble, response
Fez"I am not filled"

[BeersOnTheBoat]

Don't know when it was done, but listening to Ron on spirituality from ronfez.net:

Talking about how hot it's been this summer. Says to God with The Doors "The End" playing in the background, "Is that all there is got Mother Fucker? If you're burning down the shit house, we'll all dance on top if it. What else you got?"

21st Centry Prophet. Why not just call this section The Book Of Ron

[SKANE]

Talking to ESD, "If I found out I had cancer I would shoot you in the balls just so I could laugh everyday till I died"


Mr B is truly a genius.

[tourettesguy]

Don't know when it was done, but listening to Ron on spirituality from ronfez.net:

Talking about how hot it's been this summer. Says to God with The Doors "The End" playing in the background, "Is that all there is got Mother Fucker? If you're burning down the shit house, we'll all dance on top if it. What else you got?"

21st Centry Prophet. Why not just call this section The Book Of Ron

Could you re-type that?

I have no idea what the fuck that says.

[LiddyRules]

*to a hick caller doing the fake threat of "if someone ever touched his kid I'd kill them"*
Ron: Who wants to touch those buck toothed gangly bastards?

Also his spiel today about how people are overreacting because John Karr had some shrimp on the plane over to America.

[tommytwobucks]

i gotta give esd an assist to ronnie today, when they were talking about other names to give 'earthlings'.

'carbon units' came up, then esd said 'blood machines', and 'bones and hair', to which ronnie said, 'why not hearts 'n' bones?'

i was crying like a baby, punching my leg and i put my truck into the rumble strips twice at that. as always, it looks like shit written down, mr b is all about tone and timing, and i think esd has learned a thing or two.

now i'm fuckin starvin

c-ya
:clap:

[SilasMarner]

[QUOTE=LiddyRules]*to a hick caller doing the fake threat of "if someone ever touched his kid I'd kill them"*
Ron: Who wants to touch those buck toothed gangly bastards?


That exchange continued with;

Caller= well, i think they're ok

Ron = you're attracted to your children?!


(quick + hilarious 1-2 combo)

[SilasMarner]

i gotta give esd an assist to ronnie today, when they were talking about other names to give 'earthlings'.

p:

I also liked his parental porn bust (these stories always make me cringe);

ESD=....my dad wouldn't look at me, mom was waiting in the next room...with black and white, volume 14 "

Also, the GF-porn seduction non-starter;

ESD="...i ended up having to play pool with her all evening...."

[SilasMarner]

While my sunglasses almost went flying off my head, I still don't completely understand this, (of course, beyond that the service guys are from Ecuador? )....it's one of those that you absolutely had to hear Ron saying it;

Explaining that he wants his car to be thuroughly(sp?) cleaned by the local service carwash;

"I tell those guys, i want it Ecuadorian clean."

[olchknnecktits]

This one was all in the delivery but had me laughing all the way from Denver to Salt Lake City. Ron as Phil Margera talking to Bam about the Vito situation:

Ron (as Phil): "Are you satisfied now Bam?... Maybe if you didn't start slapping him while he was on the shitter none of this would have started up"

[faggothawk]

Let me be quiet, I want to see how bad the show will be when I'm dead.

[JOHNNY HAIRDO]

"Y'know what name doesn't make sense, Earth. What does that even mean? I wouldn't mind renaming this planet Jackrabbit Slim's."

[timmykidd2104]

Earl: My family is from North Carolina.
Ron: So you're a tarheel.
Earl: Yes.
Ron: Got any pictures from when you were a little tar baby?

[cknight725]

In response to caller saying based on Katrina mess he'd live in New Zealand:

"New Zealand caught on because of those Hobbits -- Who wouldn't wanna live around Hobbits ..."

[westben2002]

(talking about Bronx Jonnys new girlfriend)

Ron : She's asian, your ecuadorian, which would make your kid unemployable

[MilkmanDan]

(Talking about our own little Danesbitch, Julie)

Dave : She's gonna cheat, I know it
Ron : It's Wackbag, they wouldnt do that. I look at them as the Naval Academy

[plexo66]

Ron: You should have been at my school it was balls vs underpants

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron, talking to/about Dave and bad decisions...

"You know what is the worst choice yet? When your mother let that pregnancy go full-term"

[Garyisajoke]

Ron: I'm starving. We got any kind of brunch food?
Earl: I think we have some muffins.
Ron: What am I, the fucking muffin man?

[Arythmetics]

Ron: You should have been at my school it was balls vs underpants

:clap: :icon_mrgr That was the best today. I just managed to catch that before I arrived at work and turn off my radio. I sat in my car listening for anoth 15 minutes... so what if I'm late for work :)

[Garyisajoke]

If someone handed me a bobblehead at a ballgame, I'd ask a little kid, "hey, you want this?" and then throw it in the trash. and watch him cry.

[csftech]

To ESD:
"The show is named after me, and I have to sit here quietly?"

[shanetrain]

(In regards to what you eat during sporting events, where the caller had called and said that he ate whatever the opponents were, i.e., Bears, Dolphins, etc.)

ESD: "What about Redskins, how do you eat Redskins?"
Ron: "Go to the reservation and go down on a squaw"

Had me smiling for a good 3 1/2 minutes. :icon_mrgr

[westben2002]

fez; time to go down someones throat
ron: ew....sexually?
fez: no, not literally
ron: oh, i thought you meant cock and balls

[BIV]

fez; time to go down someones throat
ron: ew....sexually?
fez: no, not literally
ron: oh, i thought you meant cock and balls

Except that should have been "....ballsssssssss."

[Douchebag Listener]

During the trivia contest yesterday:

"Shhh, I'm sleeping."

Again, all delivery and timing. Ronnie rocks.

[LiddyRules]

"We Lost Pluto because of the fucking Empire. When will we join the Rebel Alliance?"

[MilkmanDan]

East Side Dave : My chick cried for about 2 hours last night

Ron : What'd she see your dick?

[Douchebag Listener]

I had to post this one immediately:

ESD: My chick was crying last night.
Ron: What, did she see your dick?

Edit: I stink, got beat to it.

[Garyisajoke]

Two things I do not find funny: Hitler... and Fez.

[dilznick101]

two things i do not find funny: hitler and fez

edit: wow that was quick man, you beat me to it

[Garyisajoke]

two things i do not find funny: hitler and fez

edit: wow that was quick man, you beat me to it

some lines are worth being posted twice. that is one of them.

[MilkmanDan]

Black Earl : Is there really anything better then sweet potato pie?

Ron : I dunno, my people weren't sharecroppers.

[westben2002]

(talking baby talk to baby love)

Ron: Your not of crib death are you

[westben2002]

Ron: can you imagine the disappointment of your father (fez)....to think he had a boy and then he didn't

[olchknnecktits]

This is the first "day before vacation" day I've heard since I've been appreciative to the genius that is R&F and I hope they are all this good. So many lines from the day but I would have to say my favorite was:

Mr. B: "Bruce Springsteen is the worlds slowest pussy hound"

*Edit: I had forgotten about the "My people weren't sharecroppers"...I was in Dennys and spit my eggs all over the table. It was a scene.

[FickStuck]

On why he can't go into politics:

"Some people want to be a doctor, some people just want to play doctor..."

[HeroOfTheDay]

*Retard caller commented on Adam being made on the 8th day*

Dave: And he said on the 8th day, I'm not sure when that was
Ron: I think the only ones that could ever work 8 days a week were The Beatles. That was from the book of revolver or the book of rubber soul I believe.

*on Ant's girl*
Ron: but ohhhh, what a cute girl. *puff*
Fez: Ronnie, we're on the radio!
Ron: I know darling. 12 to 3. Eastern time, baby!

[FezPaul]

Caller: Guns don't kill people, people kill people.
Ron: Yeah thanks, because none of us have aver seen bumper stickers before.

[HeroOfTheDay]

*When talking about Fez's "feud" with Opie*

Ron: You know how you get back at Opie? Order 100 pizzas to his house
Dave: Maybe cheeseburgers?
Ron: Fuck, I'm starving. We got any cheeseburger pizza back there?
Earl: No, we don't.
Ron: *pause* Why lie?

[LiddyRules]

*On the Alabama paper bashing them*

"And this one really hurt, 'New Yorkers.' So I wrote back saying 'We're Florida boys, like Skynyrd.'"

[Tommy Ceez]

I know its from a best of, but this must be repeated.

On concerts;

"Yeah I hate it when the guys throw thier broads on thier shoulders, I mean, are we gonna chicken fight or what? Lets throw down.

You know when I throw a broad on my shoulders, she's going backwards, nose-to-pussy.

I dont need some chicks pussy on the back of my neck, I got enough problems in my life"

[HeroOfTheDay]

Line of a lifetime, but not because of humor:

*Ron mentions his friend had a near-death experience and saw nothing*
Fez: Doesn't that scare you?
Ron: No; I wasn't afraid of anything before I was born.

[Kyle]

during the non-comedy pyramid last week:

Ron: There's two things I don't find funny...Hitler...and Fez.

[Standby]

during the non-comedy pyramid last week:

Ron: There's two things I don't find funny...Hitler...and Fez.

Hahahaha... just the fact that he had to constantly claim it was not a...

COMEDY PYRAMID. COMEDY PYRAMID.

And then go right to the phones...

[LiddyRules]

What made it even better was everytime he mentioned it or people added to the pyramid, was the shame he had in his voice for Fez, the listeners and all of humanity.

[dilznick101]

i know this is from a replay and it's been on here already, but...

"here's a joke: your girlfriend blew a chef."


just a little something to help us all get through the vacation.

my favorite part is when fez makes him tell the joke again and howls with laughter. funny, funny shit

[Kyle]

What made it even better was everytime he mentioned it or people added to the pyramid, was the shame he had in his voice for Fez, the listeners and all of humanity.

That and the absolutely child-like joy in Fez's voice when he would come up with food dishes named after obscure Nazis made that thing last week

The listener who called it the "Stairway to Hell" in lieu of the traditional Comedy Pyramid...Comedy Pyramid...got the right name for it.

Really funny, though, until the retarded hayseeds ruined it, like they do all comedy pyramids and every bit on R&F and O&A in general.

[LiddyRules]

One I missed from the best ofs... *re: tall guys at concerts putting chicks on their shoulders and how he would need a chick to go on backwards*

Ron: I don't need pussy on the back of my neck, I've got enough problems in my life.

[westben2002]

caller: i love dave matthews band

ron: me too and so does everyone in my frat

[Sprite]

In less than 12 hours, this thread shall be ressurected from the dirty depths of radio vacation.

The boys are coming back and we'll have some new gems from Ron. Joy! :icon_mrgr

[MilkmanDan]

Ron to Al Dukes

Ron : So you got your masters degree right? Thats great. And thanks for getting all that water for me.

[SinA]

on who made the black earl video:

"it wasn't photoshop mike. he just makes fun of fez"

[LiddyRules]

"If I had to meet the guy whose son I blew, I would be freaked out!!"

[JOHNNY HAIRDO]

Fez:"Then we have 9-11 coming up."
Ron:"Y'know I keep hearing those numbers, what do they mean?"
Fez:"It's September 11th, and it's coming up a week from yesterday."
Ron:"Shit it feels nearly five years ago to me."
Fez:"It was five years ago. I'm talking about the next 9-11."
Ron:"The next 9-11, holy shit what do you know?"

[Moose Knuckle]

Ron: saying the show's new motto "ron and fez always lose in the beginning"

[JOHNNY HAIRDO]

Fez: "Is there any job, today, that you still do not trust a woman to do?"
Ron: "Roll a joint."

[Wrecked]

fez: any job you don't trust a woman to do?

ron: roll a joint. they can't roll a fucken joint.

[dilznick101]

ron: what are you haulin'? tampons?

female trucker: no, eggs.

ron: I know, all women are.

female trucker: not, anymore, i'm not.

[TheBattleVirus]

ron: so you're a female truck driver and you're still single? what are you hauling there, large Marge? Tampons?
large marge: i'm hauling eggs.
ron: yeah, all women are.

EDIT: Wow. Beaten by a minute.

[Wrecked]

Ron: what're ya' haulin'? tampons?

female truck driver: no, i'm haulin' eggs.

Ron: all women are.

[Wrecked]

Fez: what about a female cop?

Ron: what about him?

[MilkmanDan]

Ron to East Side Dave

Ron : Your eyes are so red today even the skin around it. How do you do that? It looks like 2 assholes staring at me

[evolution5v1]

Ron: Well Dave just quit.
Dave: You tricked me.
Ron: That was hard.

[APortablePhone]

Ron: I had a dream. That a little black girl, and a little white girl…both climbed up on my lap and started making out. I think it was the same dream Martin Luther King had.
Fez: I don’t think his dream ended that way.
Ron: It should have, cuz it was fucking hot.

Fez: Usually what happens in my driving dreams is something gets in my eye…
Ron: Is it cum?

Caller: You can’t ever trust a woman to put a rubber on for you.
Ron: Let me tell you something, she don’t put on the rubber for me it ain’t getting on. Really the only kind of preparation I take at all is giving out a fake name.

Caller: Ronnie, would you ever trust a woman to sell coke.
Ron: If they have coke, I’m gonna trust them. Have coke, will trust. I’m not going to sit there a fuckin’ say no. I’ve done fucking blow with Nazis, you think I’m gonna sit here and be prejudice with anyone?

Female Caller: I’d rather talk to men and hang out with men, be in a garage than put makeup on any day.
Ron: Yeah, you’re the one that we want to hang out with too. Because if there is anything we want in life, it’s just a big tomboyish type gal to spend the afternoon with.

Caller: I don’t trust women firefighters…
Ron: You know, I would say anybody that shows up you should be happy with them. Someone shows up in the middle of the night trying to put your house out, I’m not going to yell out “Why do you have tits?”

Caller: I’ve got absolutely no trust at a comedy club when a woman comic comes on stage, I have no faith that it’s going to be anything funny…
Ron: I feel that way about 95% of the comics, no matter who it happens to be.

Caller: I don’t trust black prostitutes…
Ron: First of all, is there another type?

Ron: And another time I went to Yankees Stadium, and it was ball day. And I’m watching the game, but I’ve got a ball, and I just go “What the fuck, am I in the game?”

[Dr. Haiku]

Ron is a legend.
Everything he says is gold.
This thread is just proof.

http://www.earmedicine.com/Images/100337.jpg

[TheBattleVirus]

He is a legend. I actually didn't realize how many genius lines he got in each and every show, and some of them are said just thrown in there that I might miss them the first time. It's fantastic. I loved Ron talking to East Side Dave today, where Dave was explaining his theory that the brain can't comprehend if a person is in a pool on a cruise ship, because the person is confused as to whether they're in water or not.

Ron: I was also confused when I was drinking a cup of water on the cruise ship. I didn't know what the hell was going on.

[goon21]

To ESD during daves ramblings of the bends and cruise ship pools - god i hope i get this right
Ron: I'm not going to sit here while you run around this cul de sac of stupidity.

[olchknnecktits]

I had the assholes line, which was awesome. But this was so short and sweet it had me fucking rolling.

Ron (to ESD about the bends): "You're fucking retarded, and I'm not even kidding"

[LiddyRules]

Ron: And another time I went to Yankees Stadium, and it was ball day. And I’m watching the game, but I’ve got a ball, and I just go “What the fuck, am I in the game?” Thank you so so much.

[jimmyolsenblues]

Ron to Earl about Pdiddy, "Why do you hate him Earl, because he is a successful black man?"

[bigbill]

This may be the best thread on Wackbag. Ron = genius

[cozzie]

1st post---- A caller calls in and tells Dave , since he has no car to get a motorcycle. Ron says something to the effect - get a bicycle and ride around like Radio. Best one of the day

[Turtle]

"Great call, I think the listeners are finally starting to get the show."

[Absolutely]

Ron - Yeah, they always put them in panties. Girls panties
Fez - Well they got their nutcase locked up for this one, that's nice.
Ron - Cmon Fez it's panties not a nutcase. Jesus I hate any kinda gay slang for underwear

[BCH]

"Great call, I think the listeners are finally starting to get the show."

Whore.

[Turtle]

Whore.
Don't hate the player, hate the game.

[LiddyRules]

I'm not going to go to a jazz funeral.

[Gonzoid]

this is my favorite thread on any messageboard. I cannot comprehend how funny and quick witted this man is. Fucking genius.

[HeroOfTheDay]

Dave: The blood is coming out with the yellow. It's like ketchup and mustard on a really bad hamburger.
Ron: Fuck I'm starving. We got any really bad hamburgers back there?

[cozzie]

that 1 made me laugh my ass off ,as i was eating McDonalds!!!

[BM_Richard]

To ESD during daves ramblings of the bends and cruise ship pools - god i hope i get this right
Ron: I'm not going to sit here while you run around this cul de sac of stupidity.

Holy shit he is the funniest motherfucker in the entire world.

[LiddyRules]

Fez: Remember awhile ago when those tribal arm band tattoos were in?
Ron: Yeah those were really cool...

"I can't handle a fucking jazz funeral. Have one white day, because you've made so many white friends.

[faggothawk]

Well my father's son has his own radio show, so I guess they're both doin alright for theirselves

[Alcoholocaust]

Ron: As I was wathcing the towers burn, my dad called me up and said, "Do you see what those fucking truck drivers did to us?"

[westben2002]

(reading like an old southern man)
Ron: they say that bennington is down here to teach the negros to read

[Wrecked]

Ronnie: "It's like we're a Hee-Haw comedy team."

[westben2002]

(talking about earl's crazy gf)

earl: No I had protection
ron: What was that? A stun gun to her neck while you were banging her?

[MilkmanDan]

Ron : So Earl you think maybe that girl from the insitute gave you something?

Earl : No I had protection

Ron : What was that? A stun gun to her neck while you were banging her?



edit - Damn beat me )

[westben2002]

Caller: what does BBF mean...butt buddy friends?
Ron: no it means big black fag (earl)

[westben2002]

Ron: You know what i want to get you?
Fez: what?
Ron: a life.....something that makes your life intresting

(all in the delivery)

[EvilMonkey71]

I'm the only one that read To Kill A Mockingbird and thought he did it.

[Wrecked]

Ron: "so now you can't do your job?"
Earl: "i'm tryin' best i can..."
Ron: "THAT'S the problem!"

[Wrecked]

Ron: "i bet that finger went in like a Bachhi ball thru the Lincoln Tunnel."

[rekkedhog]

Discussing the season premiere of Survior, with its new concept of race-based teams:

"The Hispanic group will be good at gardening. The Black group will be good at sports. Asians will be good at math. And the White tribe...will land on the moon."



█████▓▓▒▒░░

[EvilMonkey71]

To ESD in discussion about no one on the 2 show crews having kids except for him:

" I need to see a kid or an abortion receipt.....and I got both."

[WonkaVision]

Discussing Earl's Cancerous genetics...

Ron "Go Buy a pack of PalMals....smoke em out!"
Fez "Doesn't smoking help them grow?"
Ron "No! They Can't breath! Then you pass em' in your urine"

[APortablePhone]

Ron: "The only way you're going to get another woman is r.ape."

[Wrecked]

...they'd rather go do donkey porn than lay with him, and that aint a shot at you Dave.

[cozzie]

talking about K fed having 4 kids, "He's got 2 of each, 2 white ,2 black"

[cozzie]

talking abotut Dave's skin pigmentation- " you're too white for white people"

[BruceKellysJunk]

talking about fez taking baths:

F: "I think its cleaner."
R:"yeah, sitting in dirty water while your balls float, thats fuckin clean"

[NortonsHeiny]

Your sweating like a slave over there! Very funny Ronnie

[EvilMonkey71]

"Let me tell ya, the coke I bought and the coke I sold definitely had a completely different taste. The coke I sold tasted like Tide or Clorox."

[jimmyolsenblues]

Caller: "I think 10 years ago Nancy Grace had a boyfriend who killed himself".
Ron: "I think anyone who met Nancy Grace would kill themselves".

[Wrecked]

"youre regional manager of mcdonalds. that means eleven bucks an hour. fez AND ramone are laughing at you."

[Wrecked]

jesus..."when you said everyone did the same thing i thought you meant your mom."

damn Ronnie rocks...

[jimmyolsenblues]

About best songs in bars when you drinking....

Caller: "How bout Billy Joel 'Piano Man'?
Ron: "That is a business man's song, that song is playing in a fucking hotel bar".

[jimmyolsenblues]

East Side Dave: "I like to drink Sangria"
Ron: "Does that make your pussy feel better"?

[Lachrymology]

(about Christopher Reeves)

Ron:...and i never bought that whole wheelchair gimmick
Fez: you didn't think he was paralyzed?
Ron: no, i got my own theory
Fez: what's that?
Ron....lazy....he was lazy

[cancerwig]

Any of the lines about how tight that one chick that Christie Brinkley's husband had the affair with was.

[typer464]

"that pussy was so tight it was like trying to fit your cock into a watch pocket"

god i love mr. b

[theNJsyndicate]

East Side Dave: "I like to drink Sangria"
Ron: "Does that make your pussy feel better"?


I would have to agree w/ this. Had to do a spit-take.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

"that pussy was so tight it was like trying to fit your cock into a watch pocket"

god i love mr. b
He actually said that her puss was tighter than her ass!

[typer464]

He actually said that her puss was tighter than her ass!

he said both

[LiddyRules]

Everything about Li'l Fez and calling everything a coke. From "I'm going to see if there's any coke in the cokebox." to "Lindy has landed, I'm going to have a coke to celebrate." "What type?" "Lemonade!!"

[Kyle]

Here's one from the archives...a classic Mr. B line of the day...or more like a sequence:

Ron on the movie "The Outsiders"

Ron: This reminds me of my own childhood, Fez, growing up in Oklahoma...I wasn't from the soc side of town, I was from the greasers

Fez: You didn't grow up in Oklahoma...you're from Philly!

Ron: Me...Tom Cruise...Matt Dillon were part of that whole crew...that Karate Kid kid, he passed away...

Fez: Johnny!

Ron: And Soda Pop Curtis...maybe the best of us all...little Soda Pop

Fez: You didn't grow up with Ponyboy and Two-Bit!

Ron: And the guy from Ghost was like our big brother...he could have been a soc if it wasn't for us.


(Later on admist this same rant)

Ron: If this movie was on tonight, I'd be crying like a chick...crying like I miscarried

(this is followed by Ronnie crying and screaming "Johnny!")

[mildlyamusing]

Sleep like an out of work black man with Lunesta...

[jobson]

Ron's response to Earl saying that he cant sleep and sometimes is up till 4:30 in the morning:

Ron: Why dont you do what you normally do when you're up at 4:30 in the morning and steal fuckin car radios

[shroomman_100]

Ron describing the old pope as a question mark rocked

[Catsmasher]

Today when discussing lack of sleep a caller called in and said something regarding energy drinks. Ron's response: "I don't do well with fake speed either. I drink two red bulls and the next thing you know I am on the phone with a guy and I'm chopping lines." Might have butchered it

[captainboner]

When ESD was getting his Wackbag.com tattoo he said something like "the blood and the ink looks like ketchup and mustard on a really bad hamburger"...

Ron: I'm fuckin' starvin. We got any really bad hamburgers?

[yvj]

Ron:Have you ever met a guy named Shawn(Shaun) that wasn't a loser?

A few seconds later

Dave: I have three cousins named Shawn(shaun)

Ron: Thanks for backing me up

[LiddyRules]

Going back to what I was talking about earlier with the 'coke' in Florida.

Ron *as customer*: I would like a coke.
Fez *as shopkeep*: What kind Sir?
Ron: A coke? What the hell do you think I'm asking for.
Fez: Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
Ron: Try and throw me out Johny Reb.

[mike6937]

On calling everything a Coke...

"It would be like if everyone was named Fez...

I want to talk to Fez.
Which one?
Get me the gay one that calls everything a Coke."

[olchknnecktits]

On the end of the world:

Fez: "There's a Mosque there now"
Ron: "That's no hill for a high stepper Fez"

[SilasMarner]

On calling everything a Coke...

"It would be like if everyone was named Fez...

I want to talk to Fez.
Which one?
Get me the gay one that calls everything a Coke."



That whole "everything's a coke" segment had me coking (by that, i mean laughing out loud)


(Very approximately) :

Ron (in Johny Reb drawl): i need some more cokes!
.....by that i mean bullets! ...........no wonder your guys lost the war.

[iridium130]

Caller : I hate you guys
Ron : Your nickname is fucking "Hillbilly"
Caller : I hate you guys because you interrupt me
Ron : Interrupt you when you're fucking your uncle??

I hope I didn't massacre that line too much :(

[dilznick101]

fez: then what does the scarf symbolize, then?
ron: choke yourself you ugly bitch.

[dilznick101]

"willard scott died 18 years ago this very day."

[MilkmanDan]

East Side Dave : This has been a sad show with the depression era talk, the funerals, etc etc.

Ron : You know what the saddest thing about this show is? That you work on it.

[JOHNNY HAIRDO]

On Grandpa Al Lewis' memorial service:

Fez: And the wife wanted the drag racing car from "The Munsters" to be there.
Ron: Of course she did. Why wouldn't she, it's a memorial service.

[frago]

The whole hero bit from today was priceless, much better than any single line.

That fuckin speech almost brought me to tears.
sniff sniff.

[krux]

talking about useless degrees...

Ron: I never went to college and don't have any degrees and every time I go home I fuck a bag of money:clap:

Hahah... this is the best thread ever.

[yvj]

*Cue Hero by Mariah Carey* Hero Speech highlights

Ron: I once saved a guy's life during a bad coke deal

Fez: How'd you dot that?

Ron: Eh let's just say I had a gun to his head. I was just getting ready to pull the trigger....But then I remembered I'm a hero...I pulled the gun back and saved that mutt's life. It was unbeliveable

Fez: But you were the one endangering him

Ron: Yep and I saved him. You know Superman's a cartoon Fez but Ronnie B's a hero.

A few seconds later

Ron: The point is this....you kids have someone to look up to. Somebody to teach you how to make it through life Teach you how to treat women. You faggots can put up posters of me if you want to. Try to live like me.


The hero's leaving ladies and gentleman I'll be gone but when most needed I'll be back

[earlshog]

[QUOTE=yvj]*Cue Hero by Mariah Carey* Hero Speech highlights

Ron: I once saved a guy's life during a bad coke deal

Fez: How'd you dot that?

Ron: Eh let's just say I had a gun to his head. I was just getting ready to pull the trigger....But then I remembered I'm a hero...I pulled the gun back and saved that mutt's life. It was unbeliveable

Fez: But you were the one endangering him

Ron: Yep and I saved him. You know Superman's a cartoon Fez but Ronnie B's a hero.


that should have been todays promo...

[Wrecked]

"come out of the closet, fez...don't stay in there with the other...men."

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ronnie talking with Fez about this "woman" he's in a "relationship" with


"You're in love, and someone's in love with you?"
"Yes!"
"Now I know it's bullshit..."

Talking about Ant & Joe telling Fez that he's gonna get a beat down if he comes around to see Dawn anymore...

"What type of a stent fight would that be with the 3 of you rollin around on the ground?"

[bucket-of-aids]

"This is like Homeo and Juliet"

(referring to Fez's crush on Ant's sister.)

[flyerfan116]

Talking about Fez & Dawn....

Ron: It's like Homeo & Juliet

:clap:

[bucket-of-aids]

Talking about Fez & Dawn....

Ron: It's like Homeo & Juliet

:clap:I still beat you to it deek! jk

[Jimmy's Dignity]

hahahahahahhaha....

"I saw you, a piece of lint could cover that cock"

[dilznick101]

calming dave's fears while being pierced by the genitorturers: "don't worry about it, just think of it as steel through your nipple."

[dilznick101]

earl asking about david duke: "did he talk about white power at all?"

Ron: "Yeah, we all were back then. It was Florida."

[Kyle]

Someone really just needs to post a transcript of today's show.

Ron had what can be compared to Wilt Chamberlain's 100 point game as far as his performance today went.

[ChoppedLiver]

"What type of a stent fight would that be with the 3 of you rollin around on the ground?"


:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

[olchknnecktits]

Today's show was the best I have heard since I started listening. The fighting during the soundboard Fez had me rolling on the floor, I had to stop working. "You pinched me".

[diggerdog]

To ESD
No one knows what it's like
to be the dumb man
behind red eyes

I also like when a Tommy calls in and doesn't get the
Tommy can you hear me?


Tommy....



Tommy...

[Owen Day]

"You fucking pinched me!"
Holy shit, I don't know why, but that floored me. Then later when he asked "What do you do for a pinch wound?" it killed me again. I love Ron more than pizza.

[ChoppedLiver]

"You fucking pinched me!"
Holy shit, I don't know why, but that floored me. Then later when he asked "What do you do for a pinch wound?" it killed me again. I love Ron more than pizza.


"Damn..... now i'm starvin'.....Earl, we got any pizza back there ?"

[LiddyRules]

"Sometimes a hero comes along and that hero is me and I'm going to tell you young people something, find the hero inside yourself. You know what I'd like to do is wait for all this fervor to die down, all this hoopla and wait to get back to my normal life. I'll probably just put the medal that I get in my closet."

*Mariah Carey's "Hero" starts playing*

"This is a song for me. Holy shit, there's a fucking phone in this cab. And it's on. I'm going to have to get this phone back to this guy. Don't tell me I'm crazy. I believe I can do it. I'm gonna return this phone. Fuck those 9/11 firefighters, I'm gonna return this phone myself. I don't care if I get brain cancer. Ronnie B day, a salute to Ronny B. Try to find the Bennington in yourself. You're not gonna do the kind of thing I do, find a phone and return it but any little small thing, a little act of kindness. Fez, this hero has to get up to take a piss, as I leave I want everybody to watch me leave, do a slow applause breaking into a big one with cheers."

[jobson]

Fez talking to Ron about the bad situation with dawn's parents:

Fez: What would you do if you were me?

Ron: First thing i would do is get a fuckin AIDS test

[Wrecked]

ronnie re. earl: "there was a play at the plate, and earl hit the other player so hard he knocked her bra off."

[dilznick101]

Ron discussing strategy if aliens try to take over the planet: "i ain't giving up my money. take it from me you fucking lizard face pricks."

[Wrecked]

"every alien you've ever seen looks like an alligator suitcase. i can't stand 'em and i ain't here to make friends with 'em."

[baggio]

Talking about the spanking stuff from yesterday:


Ron - The S&M world , filled with rules. No chaos there. Cause like with a dominatrix, your not allowed to hit her back.

Fez - Oh right.

Ron - So for as tough as she is, she can't take a fucking leg sweep.



I almost spilled my coffee, when he said that.

[Wrecked]

"after that we shot some kids, burned the village, and got the hell outta there."

"usa...maybe you heard of us."

[EvilMonkey71]

R: Trippin' our brains off, killing kids, ****** women...Viet-fucking-Nam! God I fucking miss it!

F: When were you in Vietnam?

R: '93, come to think of it, maybe it wasn't even Vietnam. Maybe it was South Philly.

[spittinmad]

From O and A, Talking about Blowfly and Uncle Tom:

Opie: We eat guys like that for breakfast
Norton: Or Lunch. Or even Dinner
Anthony: Now I'm starvin. Earl, we got any Blowflies back there. To quote Ronnie.

Went unnoticed but I laughed. When Anthony gives Ronnie props, you know he is THE funniest thing on any radio.

[WonkaVision]

Discussing Aliens...

Ron: I gotta kill every one of those lizard faced things. They ain't getting my money!

I butchered it...but the whole aliens discussion was gold.

[Spencer Cat]

The entire Dawn Cumia bit was hysterical, including the song interruptions by Soundboard Fez. I'm still laughing. Great work by both boyzzzzz!

[iridium130]

The entire Dawn Cumia bit was hysterical, including the song interruptions by Soundboard Fez. I'm still laughing. Great work by both boyzzzzz!

"This is NOT a bit!!!" - Fezzie

[Turtle]

Caller: "Ron do you like English muffins"?

Ron: "No, English muffins are for fags like Fez, I'm a toast man."

[Swede Boy]

Fez: We're so far away from being to star trek time
Ron: Why, we're landing and taking off, we're doing shit... stop putting down your species, get with the program

[boomgoesthedyna]

talking about earl: "He plays softball so hard he slides home and knocks the catchers bra off."

[Sprite]

during 'Nam story - "Do I have on black fuckin pajamas? Do I look like VC to you?"


to Earl not being on the ball - "What were you doin, listening to old Muni tapes?"

[JOHNNY HAIRDO]

Ron on his hatred of all aliens:

Fez:"Well Superman's good."
Ron:"Yeah tell that to anyone who tried to steal a purse. If I ever see Superman try to stop a purse robber, I'm coming up behind him and hitting him with an ether rag full of kryptonite."

[Aero 1]

Ron on helping Bronxs Johnny getting on his Dean list:

Ron: "I also help with teenage pregnancy"
Fez: "You help with teenage pregnancy?"
Ron: "Yes, helping them get an early start"

[DREW]

Fez" If u were me what would u do?" (about Dawn)
Ron" I would get AIDS test"

I think it was 2 days ago

[Sprite]

Jay Mohr - "I can't believe how the show grinds to a halt when Fezzy stops talkin..."

Ron B. - "Yeah and here's the weird part...we split a check."

:icon_mrgr

[askewcore]

When talking about Fez's beef with the Crazy Cumia brothers:

"You, Ant and Joe can duke it out. What a fucking stent fight that would be."

[JOHNNY HAIRDO]

"Fabreeze don't fail me now!"

[HeroOfTheDay]

I'm paraphrasing here

*To Frankenberry*
Ron: Don't bring yourself down to OnA's level, I mean why lower yourself to "interesting"?

[Turtle]

"Fabreeze don't fail me now!"
we have a winner

[LiddyRules]

Frankenberry: "Is this bad?"
Ron: "I don't think it's good."

*On Earl still being part of 'NEW's softball team* "There's a midday guy who wants to play outfield but can't."

[MilkmanDan]

Ron : Fez's Indian name would be " Him with Dick in Ass , Daves girl would be Smells like Chef Cock".

[cozzie]

when having the discussion about comics with the guy from marvel' Ron " I have my own radio show", Bobby Pantera " I have my own myspace page" laughed my ass off

[Polack]

Ron : Fez's Indian name would be " Him with Dick in Ass , Daves girl would be Smells like Chef Cock".

DOH !!! You beat me to it. Fucking brilliant.

[The Stormrider]

Ron talking about Frankenberry, it was something like:

"When life gives you lemons, you run into a school with a gun and grenades and start shooting people..."

[olchknnecktits]

Talking about American Idol's poor quality:

Mr. B: "I still sit there finding myself trying to choose between Mcfever and the fuckin' gray haired idiot"

[MilkmanDan]

Fez : Terrell Owens tried to committ suicide yesterday, he's in the hospital.
Ron : I Know, there's a 6 1/2 mile Conga line going around Philadelphia right now.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: I bet you thought that you had gone to white heaven...
Earl: There're two heavens?
Ron: There better be!!!

I was fuckin howling

[SKANE]

Ron: I bet you thought that you had gone to white heaven...
Earl: There're two heavens?
Ron: There better be!!!

I was fuckin howling

He had me howling when he added that his Dad will be fucking raging if there isn't.


E-Lo, can we please give these guys another hour. Pretty please:icon_lol:

[Flea_Man]

E-Lo, can we please give these guys another hour. Pretty please:icon_lol:

agreed

[olchknnecktits]

agreed

I've given up any negative thoughts on O&A (be it first half or second half)...I am confident they know best and all will be well eventually. All I am sure of is if O&A are going to do 15 minutes of bonus time on a good day why can't R&F be in there at 9 *(MDT)* instead of the same old best of? Bonus time=AFRO (although living in Utah I have only heard such a show 1 time and the concept seems a bit mythological to me).

[fattypnemonia]

mr b: 'you know if i made a racist remark im the last to admit it'

[Garyisajoke]

(Earl was calling B.L. so the boys could wish her happy birthday)

Earl: No luck getting BL.
Ron: You're the first...

[dilznick101]

on his strategy when fighting a dolphin:

"I'd try to clinch a lot. get inside. cover that blowhole with my glove, and then just uppercut, uppercut, uppercut."

[WonkaVision]

on his strategy when fighting a dolphin:

"I'd try to clinch a lot. get inside. cover that blowhole with my glove, and then just uppercut, uppercut, uppercut."

Agreed..line of the day!

[Jimmy's Dignity]

After asking Fez if he was touched as a child.....

"I figured if my Uncle loves me this much, the rest of the world is gonna go crazy for me!!"

[ChrisH]

He had me howling when he added that his Dad will be fucking raging if there isn't.


E-Lo, can we please give these guys another hour. Pretty please:icon_lol:

Yeah, I just heard this on the weekend replay, and was dying. Fucking hysterical.

[Kyle]

fuck...someone beat me to it...nevermind.

[ruckstande]

I don't know how interested anyone who reads this thread would be, but I took some liberties and copied every single Ron B. quote from this thread and put it into a text file so I can use it for my one of my Google Desktop Gadgets. If you don't know what it is, go to Google.com and look up their software tools and download "Desktop". Next you will need to install a Gadget called "The Quote". If you want the text file to use you can get it here (http://www.fileden.com/files/2006/9/30/249649/RBLOTD001.txt).
It sounds nutty but it gives me a chuckle while I'm at work.

One more thing, if you use it and you notice some aweful spelling or grammar mistakes, change it or let me know and I'll change it and I will reupload it. Thanks.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

One more thing, if you use it and you notice some aweful spelling or grammar mistakes, change it or let me know and I'll change it and I will reupload it. Thanks.
awful:action-sm

[ruckstande]

awful:action-sm

Can't spell since college. :)

[Sprite]

I'll start off this week's...

When talking about Fez eating a vegan pizza at his house...

Ron - "A fuckin ballerina delivered it!"


and of course we now know....

"To BE a state, you have to TOUCH a state."

[olchknnecktits]

Yes sir, "TBASYGTAS"...and that ass calling in about Rhode Island, I live in Utah and cringed for his dumbass.

[yvj]

Ron on Eskimo women

"They'll chew on your boots right. An eskimo guy will come home, his boots are all icy. The woman will chew on it. If she's willing to do that what won't she do. You think she'll chew your boots and draw the line at anal! These fucking broads are open for anything. Yeah ok they may not be beautiful but they'll make up for it with their adventurelessnes--adventuressness--They're fucking wild that's what I'm saying."

[MilkmanDan]

"Cmon lets do this right, we're not running around here like a bunch of Gun-crazy N's. See Earl I classed it up and said N's"

[johnny39]

"It was a bitter-sweet death. The bitter part was my friend had died so young. The sweet part was that I noticed he had 380 dollars in his pocket before any of his family got there." Ron Bennington

[dees4u]

About Fezzy losing to Jay Mohr in his weekly football picks:
"Jay Mohr will now start gloating to his Hollywood friends. Like Scott Baio" -Ron Bennington

[Wrecked]

Ron: "you're gonna wind up down there with j.v. and elvis."

Jay: "i don't know who they are."

Ron: "EXACTLY."

[ron2000]

Yesterday Ron said to Earl:
"Your nostrils are bigger than Monica Lewinski's twat "

[vaglvr]

Fez gay line of the day
Ron: "Fez your my cross to bear"
Fez: "Hey, I shouldn't be your cross. I wish I was your bear."

This was awkward.

[Garyisajoke]

"It was a bitter-sweet death. The bitter part was my friend had died so young. The sweet part was that I noticed he had 380 dollars in his pocket before any of his family got there." Ron Bennington

That entire bit was brilliant. I love the "Hero" theme and I love the lessons Ronnie B passes on to us.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Yesterday Ron said to Earl:
"Your nostrils are bigger than Monica Lewinski's twat "
hahaha, how about today's when asking why Earl wasn't going to play in his softball league today...

"What's wrong, did you catch your shoulder in your nostril?"

[HeroOfTheDay]

Ron:and what was your nickname, Earl? Sickly McBrainshoulder?

[TimHorton]

Just an interesting exchange between Ron & Fezzie

Ron: Who's the show princess??

Fez: I am

Ron: Right!

I laughed and laughed, Ron has a cowbell and Fezzie a tiara

[FAZ8218]

"Anyone who speaks to you from a microphone is lying... and you can take my word for it."

[olchknnecktits]

Mr. B: "I think you should be allowed to drive after two. Personally, I know I could drive on 11, 12 Jack 'n Cokes. And I'm a guy that had to give himself a time-out."

[TEXAS TRUCKER]

Originally Posted by Jimmy's Dignity
Ron: I bet you thought that you had gone to white heaven...
Earl: There're two heavens?
Ron: There better be!!!

I was fuckin howling

Me too. I loffed for a good 3 minutes after that one. Ronny is the best.

[thelord68]

When they were doing cartoon voices, Fez and Dave were doing the Resevoir Dogs scene with the Simpsons characters:

Fez: I don't think I was Mo enough
Ron: Oh no, you're too 'mo, that's the problem.


/I think I'm paraphrasing - I'll catch it on the replay

[LiddyRules]

I'm surprised no one mentioned this...

Caller: "I love you but how can you say Dane Cook is great?"
Ron: "It's called sarcasm, if you love me so much, pay attention to the show."

[disgustip8ed]

Its been said a lot, and I'll repeat it.

Best. Thread. Ever.:clap:

[MilkmanDan]

Ron : Fez, I'm thinking about sneaking you into the Arlington VA cemetery when you die.

Fez : That'd be nice

Ron : It'd be the grave of the unknown homo

[evolution5v1]

Ron : Fez, I'm thinking about sneaking you into the Arlington VA cemetery when you die.

Fez : That'd be nice

Ron : It'd be the grave of the unknown homo

caller laughing: great line.

ron: write it down then....wackbag

[cozzie]

caller "great line ron", Ron "write it down -- wackbag"

[Sprite]

ron: "it'll be the grave of the unkown homo."

fez: "rude and rude"

then....

caller: (laughing) "great line there"

ron: (low voice) "write it down then......wackbag."


EDIT: fuck. no posts when I hit the thread, and 4 by the time i finished my post. damn you guys are fast. :)

[cozzie]

Ron "you get any crazier, Earl will fuck you"

[olchknnecktits]

To Dave on his hair

Ron: "What do you comb your hair with a baby chick?"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ronnie to Dave....

"Shut up poofy-head. You look like a poodle in headphones"

"Shut up, you look like a bag of freckles in a bad shirt"

Fez asks Ronnie to come out to Retard Island and threaten the awful 4 year old
"No!! I am NOT a hitman for a child!"

[Connorsboat]

Ron: A 4 year old swings on me and I'm knocking out baby teeth

[BigRedMachine17]

" I love Fezzie but I could kill him right now and then sit down and have a snack and not think about it...."

I pissed myself loffing

[7cent]

Its been said a lot, and I'll repeat it.

Best. Thread. Ever.:clap:


I only wonder if that line would be used so often here, if WBL thought the "Post Your Pic" was the best thread ever..

[Mike Foxtrot]

'Tomb of the unknown homo'

:clap:

[faggothawk]

Do you honestly think you'd have a job if XM gave a shit about quality?

[Vyce]

I'm surprised no one mentioned this...

Caller: "I love you but how can you say Dane Cook is great?"
Ron: "It's called sarcasm, if you love me so much, pay attention to the show."

Ron shitting on Dane Cook (in a round about way) sincerely brings warmth to my sould.

[palefishbelly]

Fez: she was having tea with her little friend, and I just walked up and said 'hello, Ladies"

Ron: Was your dick out?

[JOHNNY HAIRDO]

From the best of yesterday on beating up retarded 9 year olds:
"The first thing I would do is try to distract them by saying things like, Hey did you hear Scooby-Doo died?"

[MilkmanDan]

Ron : Fez I'd never stuff you into a locker

Fez : Thank you Ronny

Ron : I dont have a locker that big, I couldnt even fit you into a meat locker

[steamingpile]

Ron shitting on Dane Cook (in a round about way) sincerely brings warmth to my sould.

Yeah when he said that statement I knew he had to be either bullshitting the caller to get them to shut up or was gonna crack on him. Think he avoided the crack just because hes friends with OnA.

[yvj]

How hasn't this been mentioned yet

Caller: I went to see Employee of the Month this weekend and it was the worst movie

Ron: To me that's like coming to me and saying I fucked a really thin African boy that's a herion user, and saying now I feel like I'm getting sick. If you don't fucking know walking into Employee of the month starring Dane Cook and Jessica Simpson that it's going to be the worst fucking film of all time I don't know what to tell ya.

I probably butchered it but it was hilarious

[Douchebag Listener]

caller laughing: great line.

ron: write it down then....wackbag

Damn, missed that one. Good to hear that Ronnie knows about his thread.

[Sevenyars]

Fuckin Ron is the funniest man ever. Since I have been listening to this show I had to invent a new laugh for myself, the old one couldn't get it all out.

[jimmyolsenblues]

afro show 10-11.
o&a leave.
Ron to Fez: "Fez, next time you see me talking to the cool kids, hid your fucking girly colored folders".

[dilznick101]

"Listen to the pipes this whore has."

-reffering to mariah carey singing "hero"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

"Goddamn listen to the pipes on this whore. If I banged her in the ass she'd hit 6 different octaves"

Caller calls in with a catch phrase for Earl..."I agree Ron"
Ronnie: You're the Robin to my Howard....

[sob]

Ron to Dave: "I've had 2 kids and 5 abortions by that age!"

[Turtle]

Wort line. "When are you guys going over to free FM"? Nooooooooo

[kevtv]

At the beginning of a catty moment...

Fez: Say Ronnie...

Ron: You comin' out? (of the closet)

Awesome

[boomgoesthedyna]

hey sevenyars.......your sig doesn't even spell phrase right...hehe

[dilznick101]

the whole exchange where they're talking about Big A like he's a baby was fucking funny.

[tonypop]

ron: Maybe this makes me sound gay but I'm not fuckin anything with a flipper.

[MilkmanDan]

(Callers putting in their votes for perfect albums, Ron with the quick response)

Caller : Hey hows about Fleetwood Macs Rumours?

Ron : Here's a rumour, you're gay.

[supertool]

I love coming to this thread every once in a while and laughing my ass off. What a credit to how fucking brilliant Ron is. Misqouted or dead-on, just reading his lines in text is hillarious.

[jobson]

(Callers putting in their votes for perfect albums, Ron with the quick response)

Caller : Hey hows about Fleetwood Macs Rumours?

Ron : Here's a rumour, you're gay.


great line, just heard it in the replay

[Sprite]

Long Live This Thread! It Shall Never Die. :)

[Sprite]

Ron (to ESD) - "You've got wind coming out of your dick. You're fucking cumming air."

[Budyzir]

Ron To ESD; The Iditarod is porn to you.

[Crudman]

To ESD: You & Earl together is like watching "I Spy"

[olchknnecktits]

"ET touched that fuckin' kid"

[boyhowdy]

Anyone know where I can find the audio for "9 year old fight-club" that was replayed last week? 45 minutes of pure gold.

[frago]

Ron fez . net has it

about the middle of the page.

http://www.ronfez.net/multimedia.cfm?CurrentPage=6

[Garyisajoke]

"If 'Napoleon Dynamite' is your favorite movie of all time, then I don't know what the fuck to tell you."

Not even sure why that's funny. He just sounded so condescending and irritated from the caller. Brilliant.

[tar_baby]

best ron line ever was when he hung up on jeff daniels..or whatever that guys name is

[mikeyboy]

Ron fez . net has it

about the middle of the page.

http://www.ronfez.net/multimedia.cfm?CurrentPage=6

direct link (http://www.ronfez.net/displaymedia.cfm/id/2916)

[Absolutely]

I'm going to throw out this Xm Classic line of the day from the Fezzy comeback show I'm listening to.

Ron: I work more in the dark arts, the opposite of Master Po. They've stopped me from my arts. I teach how to R_ape.
Jamie Lynn: wow
Ron: Mm Yeah

Master Po: No one will R_ape you.
Ron: We'll see my friend, it may be check and checkmate

[MilkmanDan]

East Side Dave - "Well Mr. B, Wackbag made the East Side Dave sucks at life T-shirts about me, so..."

Ron - "Yeah, I know. I got one for my mom."

[phillybri76]

"I once ate a steak off a hooker's head while she was going down on me!"

[mikek]

"I'm eating a steak off of a hooker's head while she's blowing me"

[LiddyRules]

*On Committing Armed Robbery With Fez*
Ron: Say "Up against the wall mothefucker!"
Fez: Up against the wall motherfucker!
Ron: Oh boy, that would be one stupid fucking robbery.

[Arch Stanton]

Shit, almost need to transcribe every word Ron says lately. Great posts guys. He is on fire.

Miss TalkRadioFans

[JOHNNY HAIRDO]

I have posted numerous Ronnie lines, but now I have to post my line of the day(on the subject of Earl and Fez not stealing only because it's illegal):
Ron:"Mike, your on Ron and Fezzzz."
Mike(me): "I just like to let Earl and Fez know that they steal paychecks every week."
Cowbell rings, I'm in the Big Ass prize closet.
Fez then tells me he's sending me a piece of shit.

[MilkmanDan]

This doesnt even make sense but the delivery is great.
Ron talking about Brooke Hogan (Hulks daughter)

Ron - "Is there a magazine called Big Girl eating a Goat? She'd be perfect"

[EvilMonkey71]

"I once ate a steak off a hooker's head while she was going down on me!"

"For 2 weeks afterwards, you'd just keep saying, 'Remember that time I ate a steak off a hooker's head while she was going down on me?'" :icon_mrgr

[Budyzir]

Ronny boy has been on fire! I need to start writting lines down at work and posting them when I get home.

[rangerNY]

Maybe not the funniest line ever, but definitely noteworthy for being so surreal.

Ron to East Side Dave on the topic of meeting famous people in heaven:

"I'll introduce you to Michaelangelo, then I'll rip you a new asshole in front of him. It'll be a heavenly beat-down."

[MilkmanDan]

Caller - "Buddies my Wifes Black and I'm white, we never have a problem at Cracker Barrell , go all the time"

Ron - "That's great. Enjoy your black wife."

wait... 2 quotes.


Ron - "I Ended up leaving Cracker Barrell too with my whole family in a huff".

Fez - "Why ?"

Ron - "Black guy walked in"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Talking about Fez's thoughts including about death...

Ron: Lily what about you?
Lily: I fantasize about my funeral
Ron: Like how it is?
Lily: Nah, more so about who's gonna come
Ron: On the casket? Cause I will....


Ronnie: Prostetic? You mean dildo?...Did any of them taste really life-like?

Ron: I remember one time I went to a fortune teller...she told me I'd be killed by Fez Whatley
Fez: She used my name?
Ron: This was before we even worked together! I said 'Who would use such a fake name?'" When we first started working I thought your name was Todd. I just named you Fez cause I wanted to try to pin a murder on you!
Fez (laughing): There's line of the day
Ron: Go put it in!

[Douchebag Listener]

"Enjoy your black wife".

[Philly loser]

I was in the car and couldn't write it down, but Ron was talking about running into the kid he used to abuse in a mall one day. It was years later and the guy had a wife and kid. Ah, fuck it, I'm punching out. If anyone remembers this, do it some justice because I just butchered it, but it might be the first time I actually laughed out loud while driving.

[LiddyRules]

JP (Caller) *All proud of himself*: There are two kings of Rock and Roll: Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd.
Ron: Thanks for calling from shop class JP. Good luck working on your bong.

[cozzie]

I was in the car and couldn't write it down, but Ron was talking about running into the kid he used to abuse in a mall one day. It was years later and the guy had a wife and kid. Ah, fuck it, I'm punching out. If anyone remembers this, do it some justice because I just butchered it, but it might be the first time I actually laughed out loud while driving.
Ronnie said he ran into a kid he huse to beat up in 3rd grade, in the mall. the guy was married and had a kid,and asks me , "do you remember this face?"" So Ibeat the shit out of him infront of his wife and kid ,then u beat up the wife and the kid. Think that's closeto what he said.

[faggothawk]

Let Alec Baldwin be, his brother wrote a beautiful book about jesus.

[Philly loser]

Cozzie - Thanks for trying to bail me out of my awful post.

[northernfan]

Ronnie said he ran into a kid he huse to beat up in 3rd grade, in the mall. the guy was married and had a kid,and asks me , "do you remember this face?"" So Ibeat the shit out of him infront of his wife and kid ,then u beat up the wife and the kid. Think that's closeto what he said.

Beat the shit out of him with his wife and kid watching and crying, Then he ripped off the wifes shirt, and looked at her fat ugly tits, then as he was leaving he slapped the baby

[Footthing]

wish i could record the show so i could go back and get some of these lines

[hoo cares]

A little love for Fez: (From yesterday: as close as I can remember it)

Ron: Michael Jackson - King of Pop.
Fez: Yeah...King of poppin' boy cherries.

[MilkmanDan]

Fez - "I had a nightmare last night"

Ron - "No Reacharound?"

Fez - "No, it involved relatives"

Ron - "Eww."

[Alcoholocaust]

A little love for Fez: (From yesterday: as close as I can remember it)

Ron: Michael Jackson - King of Pop.
Fez: Yeah...King of poppin' boy cherries.


you beat me to it
:clap:

[Footthing]

"eww cock tease is probably what you are"... lol

[jimmyolsenblues]

Ron Bennington talking about political parties:
Ron to Fez: "Fez I got a political party for you"
Fez, "What?"
Ron: "Homo"
Fez, "Believe me that is no party"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Now you should see me with a tab these days. I grab it and hit this asshole in the chest with it!!
Fez: I liked the old days better
Ron: I loved the old days too!! When you were making producer money!

[FezPaul]

To Fez:"There's a good chance that you might be stupid."

[BIV]

It's not a specific line, but Ron's honest laughing at Fez's pain when Fez was talking about the dinner had me rolling.

[JOHNNY HAIRDO]

On Fez being both old and cheap:
"This fucker still has Confederate money in his wallet."

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ronnie talkin to Dave about his night...

Ron: You take $100 to a pound last night? Tossin around dollar bills like you're at a titty club while puppies jump on your nuts?

[phillybri76]

Fez: "Was Kristy MacNicol *****?"

Ron: "Not by me!"

Didin't miss a damn beat. He's a God...

[ABoringLawyer]

Ron: You keep a pellet gun at your house?
Dave: Yeah
Ron: What are you, afraid of being attacked by targets?

[thegreenninja]

ron, talking about the toys for guns campaign:
"What happens when you go to meet the Columbians, and you come in the house with a toy? They're going to anti-santa your ass, and take your shit."

[FranksED]

I think Fez took the prize today, with:

Ron: Hey, Fez, are you gonna see that new movie, "Fags of our Fathers"?
Fez: I think that's FLAGS, Ronnie.
Ron: Oh.
Fez: ...Which holds no interest whatsoever.

[MilkmanDan]

Some of these should be merged into Fez Whatleys line of the day thread. I'll bump it up, maybe the mods can help.

[Five Angels]

Holy shit, I just heard this on the replay - "Kids, don't let cerebral palsy get in your way. Especially if belongs to some other kid."

[hoo cares]

(Paraphrased)

Ron: This dinner cost you over 4 billsssssss?
Fez: Yeah.
Ron: That's gotta be killin' ya, because you're the most frugal man I've ever seen....And this is comin' from a guy who works in the same building as Opie!

[DirtDog]

Dave: It explains Axl's relationship with women, he likes to slap them around.

Ron: Who doesn't.

[wackfag]

Ron talking about how Fez should rob a bank to get his mind off Dawn, Fez says he doesn't know if he could really do it or not...

Ron "well sure not with that fucking attitude, you got to go into it with all of your confidence"

[DarylPryor]

(On fez seeing liza minelli)

Ron: She probably runs into guys like you all the time
Fez: Guys like me...... Musical Theatre Enthusiasts?
Ron: ........that's part of it.

[TonyBagels]

Line of the day goes to Lilly:clap: :clap: :clap:

ESD: What's it about me, you don't like?
Lilly: You fucked a jar of jelly!

[Arch Stanton]

Line of the day goes to Lilly:clap: :clap: :clap:

ESD: What's it about me, you don't like?
Lilly: You fucked a jar of jelly!
Yeah, that will do it. Really trying not to get a visual of that.
Good line buddy, Thanks

[SeaFoamGreen]

My personal favorite today, when showing the bruise that ESD put on Mr. W's foot.....

Lily: You have such small feet
Ron: You should see his balls:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

[csftech]

My personal favorite today, when showing the bruise that ESD put on Mr. W's foot.....

Lily: You have such small feet
Ron: You should see his balls:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:


I have to agree....But it was "You should see his TINY balls."

I almost smashed into another car on the turnpike

[rekkedhog]

Discussing buttsecks with Lilly:

Lily: "I feel like I should save that for marriage."

Ron: "Why don't you just save that for shitting?"

[Skinflute]

After Dawn sings a song to Fez, Ronny quips "In some states it's against the law to tease a retard."

[Sprite]

Ron to ESD - "There's Starbucks everywhere. Doesn't mean we have to fuck dogs."

Ron to ESD again - "Dave, you can't be saved. You might not even be human."

[Sprite]

I have to agree....But it was "You should see his TINY balls."

I almost smashed into another car on the turnpike

WAS IT.....

DID YA...... :icon_roll


http://www.wackbag.com/showthread.php?t=48176

[Standby]

Dave makes a point in the sports team loyalty discussion...

"You're right again, jellydick."

[Southside]

Here's an old one, but just as relevant today:

Dave was talking about Ron throwing the cowbell at him.

Dave: I like to think of it as tough love.
Ron: Yeah, it's tough, but there's no love there. Think of it as tough hate.

[hangoverbuffet]

After Dawn sung to fez

Ronnie: i did not know it was legal to tease retards in this state

[TonyBagels]

From the near end of Tuesday's show:
Ron (to Dave): Do you think that if I cared the slightest bit about the quality of this show, I'd have you in here?

[TonyBagels]

Wednesday candidate:
Dave: Everyone has a bad day.
Ron: Yours is every day.

[TonyBagels]

Ron (to mother in preseason little league parents meeting): ....I will dig your fuckin' eye out in front of your child. Now let's have some fun this year!

[mikeybot]

Handicapped kid playing baseball
"Push that fuck"

[TonyBagels]

just found a note I left in my car for one of Ron's lines from yesterday...

Ron (about shredded wheat): If you're eating it you're like, "Turn on the radio. I wan to see if Lindberg landed."

[TonyBagels]

Here's a strong candidate for today:

Dave: I was very stupid when it comes to tastebuds.
Ron: Only with tastebuds? How about with math and reading?

[FAngel]

To Dave: "The only thing I like about you is after the show, when I start complaining, you start crying."

All about the delivery, Fezzzzzz.

[watsonnostaw]

No one from Philadelphia jacks off online,
if anything the do it in front of a school like a gentleman

[Jimmy's Dignity]

You know what I think is the worst STD? Babies.

[jimmyolsenblues]

ESD: "we could have daddy's pancakes"
Ron: "what makes daddy's pancakes so good"
ESD: "he takes care"
Ron: "what am I reckless"

[SeaFoamGreen]

I know this may not be the best but it made me laugh today. When discussing the pie sent by Dr. Steve...

Winnie: What is in this?
Ron: The secret ingredient? Love

[SeaFoamGreen]

Just remembered one more and I will probably butcher it a bit. When talking about the road trip

Ron:Your going
Fez: NO!
Ron: That was a statement Fez, not a question

[Garyisajoke]

On sex in small cars:

"I could fuck in a bread box if I had to."

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ronnie: A veg sandwich? What's that, when she fucks two retards?
Fezzie: No, that was the bachelorette party

[Garyisajoke]

Edit: Nevermind... guy beat me to it.

[Budyzir]

Ronnie: A veg sandwich? What's that, when she fucks two retards?
Fezzie: No, that was the bachelorette party

That one had me busting out loud in the office today.

[Spencer Cat]

This goes back a few days but when ESD was trying to f* the jelly he asked for porn or something so he could get hard. I swear I heard Ronnie bark at him.

[jennyrose]

You did hear it and I agree.:icon_lol:

[infectedwow]

first of all this is XM. if i hit the dump button it just says "fuck" over and over

[TonyBagels]

Earl (speaking about watching the Departed): It was a two and half hour head rush.
Ron: Then you'll like ether. I like ether.

[cozzie]

love this thread, ialways have paper next to me when the show is on, writing like an S.O.B, but it's already posted when I get on. Keep up the ggood work all.

[TreeFortRichard]

yeah, I hear like 10 lines a day, but always forget them...I got nothing

[Tooz]

Ron talking about the pie..
"I was crying while eating it"

That just made me laugh

[Dr. Haiku]

Ron : "I knocked a girl up once......when I was younger."
Fez : "What'd ya do............???"
Ron : "I took her back to my house and introduced her to my Mom. I said, 'it's your problem now.' And I left."
Fez : "Wow. What happened.......???"
Ron : "I don't know. I don't even know if it was my house."

[Skinflute]

This is XM, if I hit the dump button it just says fuck.

[hoo cares]

yeah, I hear like 10 lines a day, but always forget them...I got nothing


Thanks for all you do. :action-sm

[thelord68]

Laughed out loud the other day when the caller started out his call by apologizing for bothering them at work.

It was such a "Ron" thing to say.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

When finding out that Dave was happy and actively rooting for the streak to end....

*bearly audible through the door* "DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING ROOT AGAINST MY FUCKING MONEY!!"

[WanderDukeCubs]

Earl Butt Fucked October!!

[TonyBagels]

When finding out that Dave was happy and actively rooting for the streak to end....

*bearly audible through the door* "DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING ROOT AGAINST MY FUCKING MONEY!!"
It's not gonna be beat today. No way. Especially in the context of him chasing him out of the studio.

[MilkmanDan]

"Fez first of all all these guys you bang are Spanish. I'd like to see you bang an American once in awhile, sure it'll cost a bit more..."

[RMPGP]

It's not gonna be beat today. No way. Especially in the context of him chasing him out of the studio.



Possibly line of the year. It was one of those moments in time, you wish you could bottle it and enjoy it forever... It was beautiful on so many levels, it really went beyond a "line", it became its own entity.

[Wilmington WOW]

every invention has to do with sex
the first words by a caveman were food
the next words were - dont forget my balls

[JOHNNY HAIRDO]

"I perfer hot nickels, when I'm beating someone with a sac full of nickels, I don't want them to be cold ones."

[mikek]

Brian Ateem: I like to think of myself as a young Alec Guiness.
RB: I like to think of you as a young asshole.

[mikek]

This is XM, if I hit the dump button it just says fuck.

I was dying over that line.

[MilkmanDan]

Ron Intro'ing R.E.M.'s "Shiny Happy People"

"This is from their album, songs to suck a cock to".

[Puddle O AIDs]

I think R.E.M. should be in there, although i do agree with Ron on most of the hall of fame shit

[LiddyRules]

Too many to mention today.

When discussing Engisn Pulver:

Ron: It's the first World War 2 play put on while World War 2 was still going on.

Ron: It ended with “YMCA” and “Macho Man.”

Ron *after Fez tells the boat story*: I'm sorry, was that supposed to be interesting?

Ron: “Do you remember your big line...”
*Fez begins talking*
Ron *as Fez*: “I'm coming out and I'm gay.”

[LiddyRules]

Fez: Was that In the Outsiders?
Ron: Yes, that was one crazy summer. One crazy summer of dirty dancing.

[TonyBagels]

Ron Intro'ing R.E.M.'s "Shiny Happy People"

"This is from their album, songs to suck a cock to".
I think it wins hands down. The Mr Roberts line places second. And honorable mention goes again to a missed line in the REM discussion: "They're on tour right now with the Cheetah Girls."

[MilkmanDan]

Fez : Now when my beard grows back it'll be pure white

Ron : CumStained?

Fez : No like a polar bear

Ron : Polar bear came on your face?

Fez : No !

Ron : Swallowed it all huh?..

[MilkmanDan]

ESD : "For awhile AXL was doing the Freddy Mercury thing"

Ron : "Sucking cock?"

[Wilmington WOW]

fez is staring at me like an oil painting

[TonyBagels]

maybe not LOTD but it deserves to get mentioned

Ron (about callers): Great Producers out there, if only I could get one or two of them in here.

[expungablerobot]

"You think I'm gonna have that baby- I'll kill the mother and the baby. That's my idea of safe sex."

[dilznick101]

"Are you INSANE taking on New Brunswick. Why, they even evented where the holes go."

[TonyBagels]

"You think I'm gonna have that baby- I'll kill the mother and the baby. That's my idea of safe sex."
Ron's a hero!

[TonyBagels]

OK, 1000th post in the thread so I should make it good. Ron ended the day with a gem. It pretty much sums up our feelings...

Dave (about bowling): What!? I average a 72.
Ron: yeah, and that's your IQ.


Here's the odd thing, I'm walking through a corn field in Hillsborough, NJ and got a wireless signal!!! I love America!

[MilkmanDan]

Ron : "Fez you may in fact be dyslexic. Where as the words are just scrambled or backwards, you get confused. Or you think you're with a woman but you're fucking a guy."

[flyerfan116]

thought someone would have posted this one heard it on the replay and i'm paraphrasing cause i'm slow...

Ronnie B. (after a bust on ESD) - slow down that was a great line you gotta slow it down for those line of the day fuckers they miss like 10-12 lines a day