Ron Bennington's Line Of The Day

[MilkmanDan]

"The sound of your first baby being born and crying is dogshit compared to won money!"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ronnie comparing winning vs. your own kids

Ron: You know how I felt when I held my kids Fez? Hungry! And a little bored...

[TonyBagels]

God Damn JD, If I'm gonna beat you to this thread, I'm gonna have to make lines up.

[mightymalachi]

Ronnie responding to a caller who suggests he keep watch over Earl all night by bringing him home with him:

"I'd love to bring Earl home with me, but I live on the Upper East Side."

[iridium130]

He's talking about this thread as we speak :icon_eek:

You heard the man, let's get this thread going!

[TonyBagels]

1000 posts? Come-on. 'cause I'm chucking 'em out there..(snaps fingers)

[TonyBagels]

alright, I'm taking this one out of context, but it should be mentioned...


Ron: KICK DAVE OFF THE SHOW!!

[TonyBagels]

Dear Ron: We miss a lot of your fabulous lines, because we can't possibly type as fast as the brilliance comes from your mouth. You're still our hero!

[TonyBagels]

Ron: Your FBA buddys don't like me throwing the cowbell at you.
Dave: Right.
Ron: Let me see.



Ron: You have a lot going for you.
Dave: Really?
Ron: (missing some here) You have red hair. You have translucent skin. You live in a basement in Queens. You had a dog lick your balls...
Dave: this isn't really helping.
:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

[TonyBagels]

God Damn they're too fast

Ron: see you come back and do comedy again.
Fez: I have been doing comedy.
Ron: I mean on the air.

[J. PETERSON]

Ron : "Fez you may in fact be dyslexic. Where as the words are just scrambled or backwards, you get confused. Or you think you're with a woman but you're fucking a guy."
:clap: classic
the genius that is Ronnie B

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Okay honey, but I gotta tell you...some guys ****. No matter how nice they sound on the show, all they do is ****


EDIT: Ronnie talkin about this beautiful lair of wisdom...
Ron: 1000 Posts? I hate to say it, but you're only picking up about 10% of the lines...

ah, if only we were all as fast as Ron. Gotta get the lines down here as soon as they're fresh:icon_mrgr

[Garyisajoke]

Edit: Jimmy's Dignity is too fucking fast.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: Maybe we should find a couple of therapists...
Ron: Why? I'm fuckin fine...

Ron: You still want to do the show?
Fez: Yeah!
Ron: SHIT!

[Arch Stanton]

I have trouble with r@pe memories, I was the r@pist. I have nightmares of screams of stop...stop

[iridium130]

I'm not sure if I'm getting the line correctly, but...

Ron : Money isn't everything...it's also the goods and services that you can buy with the money.

[stinkbud]

Ron on the confluence of rap greats at the O&A Halloween party...

"It was like 'The Last Waltz' for black people"

I did a spit take when I heard that one

[bayzbol44]

I will have to come on here and type some of his great lines. Usually I am too busy cracking up, because he is so great.

[NortonsHeiny]

Ron to his bookie "Maybe I'm sticking my lucky fucking quarter in your mother's twat"

[BIV]

I love this thread, it's like Deja Vu, but brilliant.

[TonyBagels]

I love this thread, it's like Deja Vu, but brilliant.
It's like Tom Cruise's character in Taps:
"It's fuckin' beautiful man!"

[TonyBagels]

Missed one apparently, and since we were given our orders not to:

Ron: I say become a National League guy. Fezzie you're American league right?
Fez: Totally. White Sox.
Ron: Gay League.


Since Ron has mandated that this become a Great Line thread rather than a line of the day thread, perhaps we can ask a Mod to rename it to
"Ron Bennington's Brilliance of the Day"

[TonyBagels]

just trying to catch up (almost 24 hours later)

Ron: Fez, would you (life or like) better with Jim from Alabama? You guys could light a black church on fire and ahh. go back to where you were before.
Earl: What!?
Fez: You have to follow your heart's love.
Ron: What I'm saying is you have to take your mind off of things. If you gotta be a dumb hayseed and go down there and do that shit, I'm all for it.

[Chester'sLiver]

"Im looking at you JFK. Earl would have ducked that bullet and kept on going."

[expungablerobot]

"We ate Unicorn after Unicorn until it was too late."

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Talking about Mr. Perfect's pick of University of Texas over Oklahoma State by +18

Ron: My entire life is on the line, and I'm supposed to be worried about ruining your fucking Saturday!
Ron: If there's a Virgin Mary up in Heaven, please let her get her son in on this...

talking about the newest gay Preacher story....

Ron: I just don't understand it! He's taking these old people's money and it's going right to crystal meth and some guy's hairy asshole!
Ron: I can do $200 worth of Crystal Meth on the way to a crystal meth purchase!


Dave: Well I think as long as you don't **** or murder you'll be alright...
Ron: Oh geez, that's 2 against me! Even down to 2 Commandments and I'm fucked!

[Schnit Dick]

"My wifes pussy is so fucking wide right now, I need a teenage boys ass" - Ron

[Jimmy's Dignity]

talkin about Fezzie's nerves and worries when it comes to the anniversary of his heart attack...

Ron: Come November 11th....I'm gonna punch you in the chest

[Wilmington WOW]

ronnie: "you're only catching 10% of the great lines"

ha ha

let try to get that number up to 20%

[TonyBagels]

Johnny you look like a bagel with a funny hat.:clap: :clap:
And what's with the camo Yankee hat? Is that when the Yankees are playing in Korea?

here's DB with BxJohnny
http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h137/TonyBagels/Ron%20and%20Fez%20ESD%20tattoo%20day/RFESDtattooday12.jpg


It just seems wrong to even type anything here, with the solemn show. We love you FEZ!!

[TonyBagels]

Ron: Yeah, I like tying up women.
Fez: That's sadistic.
Ron: Really? What if I told you I had to to keep them from getting away?

It's not the exact..

[Just Joe]

This may actually be the funniest thread in the history of Wackbag. Keep it up peeps.

[opie's rage]

after that douchebag called wanting a prize for Fez crying..

Ron: There's not any people i hate more than the people who listen to this show. The only people that i've enjoyed dealing with around 202 is Flavor Flav's posse.
Fez: The purse snatchers?
Ron: Yeah. One of them gave me some lipstick

Fuckin Ron rules!

[opie's rage]

Ron (to Dave) : Who are you? Joe Constitution?
Dave: I have cop friends.
Ron: Call them right now. I'll tell them you blew a dog.

[Ball Snot]

It absolutely is, and i have 41 pages to go.

[English Gent]

Definite candidate for Ron B's line of the day: "I just want the believers to know that, when they get up early on a Sunday morning to listen to this guy, he has to get up an hour earlier to shower the cum out of his ass."

Classic!

[TonyBagels]

Rubes go out of their way to find the Carnie.

[TonyBagels]

(about church donations)
You want 10% of my money, you better have a gun to my head.

[TonyBagels]

MafiaLIfe Chris: Dave, who bought you the lapdance?..

Ron: Was it a cockerspaniel?

[TonyBagels]

Caller: I believe that song is from Man of La Manchia.
Ron: Just knowing that, you stink of cum...and not your own!

[watsonnostaw]

Ron to a caller about Army recruiters when his phone keeps cutting out @ 1:51PM EST

"I keep blowing you on your phone"

[TonyBagels]

.

[MilkmanDan]

"Don't worry Fez, just have another fistfull of Xanax and relax".

"Fez do you want some more Xanax and maybe a 40? need some alcohol to chase that down"

so wrong...so wrong....

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Talking about if CD's will be around in the future or not. Fezzie said they'll be gone yet Earl says they will definately still be around

Ron: Can you back-up Xanax-head, please?

[yvj]

Great rant by Ron on Rev. Hagggard

"The fucking guy who's anti gay marriage is smoking cock every weekend and he's getting wired on Meth. And here's the problem it's not that he was with guys or for me, that he was on meth. It's that he turns around and tells everyone else not to do what he does every Saturday night and then he asks for money. Then these fucking imbecills give it over. And if they have a son with a lisp, they make his fucking life hell. He's forced to go out for the football team instead of being what he is...a cheerleader like our president."

[Wilmington WOW]

Talking about if CD's will be around in the future or not. Fezzie said they'll be gone yet Earl says they will definately still be around

Ron: Can you back-up Xanax-head, please?


I second the xanax-head line

[Turtle]

Something like this...

Ron to ESD "Because Turtle hates you, he is my favorite person"

[Tooz]

ESD tells a man like Mr. B that he had a dog lick his balls, proving once again that ESD is one of the stupidest people on the planet.

[TonyBagels]

From Friday's show
(after caller corrects Dave)
Why can't I fuckin' count on you fuck-o?

[Cum_Son]

"The only way anybody gets 10% of my money is if they got a gun to my head."

Discussing how much of Earl's income goes to his church. The man has like 20 lines of the day everyday. Brilliant.

[FAZ8218]

Talking about the old feel of record stores and meeting the one guy...
"By the way, there's new weed in town... it's as red as my beard."

and...
"You're anything but cool, you could be sitting in a freezer and you still wouldn't be cool."

[LiddyRules]

On the stupidity of religious bottoms:

Moses walks away for two minutes and those people are praying to a golden calf.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

I feel like I'm John Lennon and I'm surrounded by 3 Yoko's!

[TonyBagels]

(talking about living with Dave)
Must be living with a ghost. You're pale and howl in the middle of the night.

[TonyBagels]

(about having the White Album signed by the Beatles)
Ron:I ripped Paul's name off.
ESD: What!?
Fez: Did it go up in value?

[TonyBagels]

First of all, bro! He can do what he wants and Jesus wasn't even born on Decemebr 25th.

[Cysquatch]

on linda mccarthy:
"that girl was missing more than just a leg"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Get out there and vote today. I can't vote...I'm a convicted felon

[TonyBagels]

Ahhh, Poor Man's Coney Island is Coney Island!!
:clap: :clap: :clap:

[Boba Dousch]

Earl: I can't believe taht stuff is still going on, what year is this?

Ron: 2006 goin into 7...how do you not know the year Earl?

[TonyBagels]

(about leaving the seat up)
YOU DON'T LIKE IT, GET A FUCKIN' URINAL FOR US!!

[Jimmy's Dignity]

(about leaving the seat up)
YOU DON'T LIKE IT, GET A FUCKIN' URINAL FOR US!!
QUIT ACTING LIKE THE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND YOUR VAGINA!!!

[TonyBagels]

the weird thing is that you can know that intellectually and yet you still continue to screw up. (about talking to women)

No truer words have been spoken

[TonyBagels]

(to woman caller)
I wish we had better emotions and you were smarter.

(I might have blown this one)

[TonyBagels]

about Earl's ex-girlfriend

Bertha Butt

[RMPGP]

Ronnie is right, we aren't catching them all... here's what I heard just from today:

"I feel like John Lennon surrounded by 3 Yokos"

"You would probably get called for jury duty for the slammies"

"Fez, are they going to lay down Xanax on Rooselvelt Island 20 years after you die?"

"If anyone gets their red hair on this sound board, knock it off"

"If you're to the point where you get freaked out by billboards you shouldn't be driving"

"I have a new name for you Dave, Small Market"

"We stopped doing comedy pyramids for 2 reasons, hay seeds."


"With these neighbors near you, they must think they live with a ghost, your pale, you scream"

"Are you taking a Xanax? I was going to chalk the rosie odanell thing up to Xanax"

"Some people have to travel upon the surface of the world, we can all fly in the clouds"

"Be a pilot, not a trucker, fly above it all"

"Fez would have done it and said I have some gum once"

"I don't give a fuck if you know Jimmy Norton"

"That girl was missing more than just her leg (referring to Linda Mcartney singing Hey Jude)"

"I will never underestimate sheep as long as I live"

"A poor man's coney island is coney island"

"His dad is the only one who I remember who died of gatorade."

[SweetPotatoPune]

Earl: I can't believe taht stuff is still going on, what year is this?

Ron: 2006 goin into 7...how do you not know the year Earl?

This got me reading through again after hearing it today

[Cum_Son]

"I will never underestimate sheep as long as I live"


I laughed hard at that one. He was talking about the "hayseeds" voting republican time and time again.

[MilkmanDan]

Ronnie is right, we aren't catching them all... here's what I heard just from today:

"Fez, are they going to lay down Xanax on Rooselvelt Island 20 years after you die?"

"I have a new name for you Dave, Small Market"

"A poor man's coney island is coney island"



Classic ) I missed a good portion of todays show

[Turtle]

Ron to ESD, Fez & Earl. "Turtle is my favorite caller"

[TimHorton]

Ron to ESD, Fez & Earl. "Turtle is my favorite caller"


That was funny...

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: You shouldn't be over NY if you're in a Driver's Ed plane!!

Caller: C'mon it's Lidel...not Lye-dell. You're pullin an East Side Dave here...
Ron: Does it matter?
Caller: No, I guess it doesn't
Ron: He's a dead-man

[MilkmanDan]

Ron to Fez - "Your bellybutton is disgusting, I think a child got lost in there one day, its the deepest bellybutton ever."

Fez - "Do you want to see it?"

Ron - "I'd rather see your balls then that thing!"

[TonyBagels]

Fez: You can lose a lot of blood out of your ass.
Ron: Boy, you would know that better than anyone.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: When two girls get together, 90% of the time it's not serious...when two guys get together, it's as serious as serious can be!

Ron: I don't see much of a difference between High Yellow & pitch black

[RMPGP]

I can easily say I missed a BUNCH of great lines today, because of working and other reasons... but here's what I got:


"I got pulled in Canada once for NOT having an open container over there."

"Not for you, your sitting down."

"That's your vagina, and what you've done is fingered yourself."

"Little girl that fell down there in the 70s."

"Put that away. I'd rather see your balls."

"There's shit coming out of the end of it."

"She has the breasts of an 11 year old"

"What's this little thing called the clitorus" (cowbell ringer thing)

[Wilmington WOW]

instead of line of the day
Ron deserves story of the year
he and rap tore it up today - one of the funniest shows ever

did fez and earl take off today?

[SeaFoamGreen]

2 words -- Seatbelt shirts!! Had me fucking rolling

[mikek]

instead of line of the day, Ron deserves story of the year he and rap tore it up today


100% agreed!

I sometimes think, "Man, I've had some crazy experiences." But whenever I hear Ron talk about his past, I remember I'm more Wonder Bread than Anthony Michael Hall in 'The Breakfast Club'. :icon_eek:

[Jimmy's Dignity]

well we missed a lot cause of the Bag falling down...but here's a gem

Ron: I'm telling you. Society is telling you. You DON'T fuck condiments. EVER

[CitizenV]

On Brazil (from last week..)

"I didn't even think they had television in Brazil.
I thought they just sat along the river waiting for white people to come by to hit em with blowdarts.
For medicine..."

-V-

[MilkmanDan]

Earl - "Well whats been happening is now alot of black people are moving back down south again from the north"

Ron - "Can they go faster Earl?"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Earl: Well black people are moving south in large numbers. So that'll change the complexion, no pun intended, of the vote down there
Ron: Can they move faster, Earl?

EDIT: Damnit Dan! You beat me...

[MilkmanDan]

Fez - "I'm having trouble sleeping, etc."

Ron - "What you need is a nice Xanax sleep"

Dave - "Everything wakes me up too"

Ron - "How about I hit you in the face with a shovel everynight, would that work?"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: I'm always scared if I sit down too hard, something's gonna go off in my ass
Ron: Something'll go off in your ass, but that has nothing to do with a gun

[MilkmanDan]

Ron to Dave and Fez after they both admitted they were close to tears today .... "I've got a suggestion, why don't you both just rub your Vaginas together and hold each other"

[Garyisajoke]

Fez: Genesis will be reuniting for a European and American tour, but it'll be the Genesis without Peter Gabriel.

Ron: And without Ron Bennington. I'm not going.

[Wrecktum]

Ron: What do you call Cum. Uncle Juice ?

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: That was a bad uncle
Ron: Or good....you owe your entire career to him. Or else you'd be doin sports

[TonyBagels]

WB failed, I worked. Damn me for not keeping up with this thread too

Look at that boy's head. It looks like Easter Island. (about tuttle)

[TonyBagels]

(to Dave)


Look at me!..Creep

(doesn't read as funny as it sounded)

[TonyBagels]

(i might screw this up a bit, so I won't put it in quotes)

If there was a fucking noose hanging from the ceiling, I'd fuckin' have my head in it right now!

[BillVal108]

Ron: Earl better be good so he can get to Black heaven
Fez: There's 2 heavens?
Ron: There fuckin better be

[TonyBagels]

Ron: Earl better be good so he can get to Black heaven
Fez: There's 2 heavens?
Ron: There fuckin better be
And oldie but a goodie!
That was classic Ronnie B

[BigWilly]

Ron: Earl better be good so he can get to Black heaven
Fez: There's 2 heavens?
Ron: There fuckin better be

This freaking cracked me up. Everytime I read it. Keep'em coming.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

(i might screw this up a bit, so I won't put it in quotes)

If there was a fucking noose hanging from the ceiling, I'd fuckin' have my head in it right now!
I think it was..."If there was a noose over there, I'd jump right into it and be fuckin hanging myself swinging out the window over 57th St!"

[TonyBagels]

I think it was..."If there was a noose over there, I'd jump right into it and be fuckin hanging myself swinging out the window over 57th St!"
Thank you sir! Another classic line butchered by my stupid ass

[Skinflute]

Mr. Perfect: Alot of black are moving back south.

Ron: Can they move faster Earl?

It was so fast I almost missed it, Ron: the king of all Radio

[expungablerobot]

ESD: Will you be delicate about it?

Ron: "Like strangling a baby chick."

[MilkmanDan]

Ron - "Johnny how do you think Fez is gonna die?"

Bronx Johnny - "In his sleep, like he should"

Ron - "Smothered by his partner?"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: If I find out that I've got a life-threatening disease, I'm going to kill you first. I know you won't be able to make it without me. Then if I pull through...it's a double win!

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Let all those gunshot wound patients wait outside like the strap-hangers that they are! I've got a heart patient right here...

[MilkmanDan]

East Side Dave - "I got fez the SS Schooner"

Ron - "I cant believe you got a fucking job with us. "

[TonyBagels]

and we're done with weak week:clap: :clap:

[typer464]

Fez: (talking about how the heart is the most important organ)

Ron: Second most important

Fez: Brain?

Ron: Cock

[TonyBagels]

I think it was..."If there was a noose over there, I'd jump right into it and be fuckin hanging myself swinging out the window over 57th St!"
listening again. It was both!

[frago]

Gunshot Patients out front.
Strap Hangers and ham and eggers , I'm like , I've got a heart patient here ladies and gentlemen.

[Turtle]

Ron to Fez, ESD & Earl. "Turtle, my favorite caller."

[jimmyolsenblues]

Don't get me wrong I love Scientologists.
If I could join anything , I would join the Scientology.
I need to get those Thetans off my ass.

[TonyBagels]

from Friday's show:
Dave: I'd like to keep the ball rolling.
Ron: That's what alcoholics try to do.

[TonyBagels]

(to Dave about screamingin the shower)
I know you're upset but would it hurt to throw some bass into your voice ,when you're yelling at someone?

[TonyBagels]

I would have loved to not been introduced to classic rock. To me it would have been a perfect life.

[TonyBagels]

(about Fez)
Pitsy, you couldn't pull a trailer in here so he'd feel totally at home?

[TonyBagels]

(about being at an overcrowded concert)
There's no show worth burnin' to death with a bunch of fuckin' idiots.

[TonyBagels]

Fez: ...just really going through everything that I had done a year before.
Ron: What is that, like homo magazines? You know, I don't run out of hese...how does he find a new angle for the same fucking joke.

[TonyBagels]

O&A need Master Po to protect them from the outside world. We need an EMT to protect us from ourselves. We are the danger to us.

[TonyBagels]

(about Florida)
Fez: It's a state that has everything.
Ron: Except for a hill!

[TonyBagels]

(at the hospital)
If he starts to lose it, then I'll start to lose it, and then we'll fuck shit up

[TonyBagels]

(about beer)
Fez: ...more liquid down my throat
Ron: Ill, cum?

[TonyBagels]

Fez: He had a decent run there for a while
Ron: What's that mean? So did the Titanic!

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: He had a decent run there for a while
Ron: What's that mean? So did the Titanic!
Ron: Do you say 'great half a voyage!' NO!! You congratulate them when they dock in New York, not at the bottom of the ocean!!

[TonyBagels]

Fez: Is there anything I can do for you now?
Ron: GIVE ME ALL OF YOUR FUCKIN' MONEY!!

[hoo cares]

Dave on Casino nights: In my church it was unethical to give out money

Ron: And it's ethical to lick a kid's balls?

HA! I beat Tony Bagels!!!!!!

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: What is that shit, Karma? Who believes in that, Buddhists? I've never done a fucking good thing in my life!! And maybe that comes back and fucks up your gambling.

[Arch Stanton]

To Fez:
I love you like a fuckin' retarded Sister

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: Elton John is calling for a ban to religion because he says that it causes hatred against gays
Ron: I thought it was your fuckin music, Elton. That's what got me started

:haha7: :haha7:
Ron: <disgusted> Every fucking day with the tears...it's like the Black Starz version of Weak Week!

[Vyce]

(about beer)
Fez: ...more liquid down my throat
Ron: Ill, cum?

The whole quote is great.

Fez: At that point it was just more liquid down my throat.
Ron: Eww, cum?
Fez: ........No!
Ron: I just naturally assumed.

[TonyBagels]

Frankenberry: I think you should take a deep breath.
Ron: I should take a deep breath out of the back of a fuckin' tail-pipe.

[MilkmanDan]

Crazy Jen - "Ronnie I used to get beat up on a daily basis when I was a kid."

Ron - "Why did they stop?"

[TonyBagels]

Wow, this is the stupidest show ever

[TonyBagels]

Serious one here..

Even though Earl lost all that money...You're terrible in there, Dave

[crumpetmuncher.]

(After listening to the fez crying clip)
Ron: Give some fucking money for that.

[TonyBagels]

(to Dave)
Do me a favor, try to figure out what it is that Earl does and do it everyday

[cozzie]

you guy's are great , I can't scribble fast enough to catch the good ones

[yvj]

Seriously paraphrasing

Fez:He had a decent run there

Ron:Yeah well so did the titanic. Do you want to give the captain a medal for sailing smoothly halfway across the Atlantic. You celebrate when they dock in NY not in the bottom of the ocean.

Edit: Already posted should have checked the thread earlier still funny though

[yvj]

On losing the bet

Fez: I don't know how much God has to do with this.

Ron: You don't believe in God

Fez: Yea I believe in God sure but I don't know--

Ron: I used to until Saturday night when I stopped. That's when I started believing in the devil. Probably wearing a fucking Earl Mask

[sd187]

"where you going to go, nigeria or nigertown?" as black earl's cell phone goes off making me realize he's on the other side of the glass.

[yvj]

On Casino Night at the Catholic church

Dave: At our Church it was unethical to give out money.

Ron: And yet it is ethical to lick a little boy's balls. So fucking tell me how the churches work.

Edit: Already posted should have checked the thread earlier still funny though

[westben2002]

On losing the bet

Fez: I don't know how much God has to do with this.

Ron: You don't believe in God

Fez: Yea I believe in God sure but I don't know--

Ron: I used to until Saturday night when I stopped. That's when I started believing in the devil. Probably wearing a fucking Earl Mask

:clap: :clap: :clap:

[TonyBagels]

I want to hear somebody that doesn't have a fuckin' Bon JOvi tape to tell me that Rutgers belongs in the top six teams.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Oh could you imagine if I had one guy who could save the day? Could you imagine how good that would be??

Ron: There's something I can't stand about you...I need someone to take me out of it. Turtle! Welcome to Ron & Fez

[watsonnostaw]

To ESD from Ron about the chicken embryo rebuttal

"Turtle owns you"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Kurt Angle was just in with us....burning bridges and making new friends

[TonyBagels]

Wait a minute, Dougout Doug is straight? alright Fez, here's the 10 bucks.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Well that's cause you weren't raised like I was...pilgrim!
Fez: You were?
Ron: Yeah, look at the shiny buckle on my hat

Ron: Oh wait, here's an Indian...<cues Oh My Gawd complation>...oh wait, that's just a drunk. I get the two confused
Fez: A savage anyway...

[TonyBagels]

Ron: I was raised Pilgrim.
Fez: You were?
Ron: Yeah, look at my hat. It has a buckle

[TonyBagels]

God damn JD God damn!

[TonyBagels]

Now we're into what I like to call...Suicide Time!

[TonyBagels]

This is my CHristmas prayer..(fez drunk clip) Oh MY GOD! OH MY GOD!

[Arch Stanton]

Like if you drink and r@pe somebody, they will throw that out. If you drink and murder somebody, the courts will just throw that out.

[TonyBagels]

Bobo, you're Jewish right?
Bobo: Yeah Ronnie.
Ron: OK I just gotta put this on my list.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Hey Bobo, you're Jewish, right?
Bobo: Yeah
Ron: Okay, I just have to put you down on this list....
Bobo: Is it a good list? Like one for Santa?
Ron: The Schindler one is...the other one not so much. Just something the Bush Administration wants me to do....

EDIT: damnit Tony! Your turn to beat me...I was too busy laughing

ESD: Who wants to think about death? :yuck2:
Ron: I think about yours!

[TonyBagels]

Dave: Who wants to think about death?
Ron: Well I want to think about your death.

[TonyBagels]

Ron: Hey Bobo, you're Jewish, right?
Bobo: Yeah
Ron: Okay, I just have to put you down on this list....
Bobo: Is it a good list? Like one for Santa?
Ron: The Schindler one is...the other one not so much. Just something the Bush Administration wants me to do....

EDIT: damnit Tony! Your turn to beat me...I was too busy laughing

ESD: Who wants to think about death? :yuck2:
Ron: I think about yours!
there you go, you got me with the death one! Its like we're here more then the listening thread.

[TonyBagels]

may not be exact

I'd love to go through life like you guys. Not realizing that you're another year closer to death -edit- and dumber to dirt. (thanks J Peterson)

[Arch Stanton]

We had a lovely childhood, let's leave it great. I don't want to watch you get old.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: I was sitting at the table, looking at my parents and said to my sister, "As soon as they're gone, I'm never seeing you again. I do this for them!"

[TonyBagels]

(to Dave)
I think your parents are that old couple with the retarded child.

[Arch Stanton]

Ron: I was sitting at the table, looking at my parents and said to my sister, "As soon as they're gone, I'm never seeing you again. I do this for them!"
This is such a killer line. Holy S

[TonyBagels]

hahahahaha....so childish but so funny

Ron: Maybe they'll just give us a Hertz Donut
Fez: What's a Hurtz Donut? OWWWW!!!
Ron: Hurts, don't it?

he put it in the listening thread so I'll put it here for him.

[SweetPotatoPune]

just another fantastic day for Ron

[Hellfrog]

From the early 90's...


"I swear to Christ Fezzie... I would punch a shark in the nose and knock his ass out cold."

I've been laughing with Ronnie B since way back in the day... This is the funniest thread I've ever seen. I had to register just so I can share all the great lines I can remember from way back when I was a youngster listening on WJRR in Orlando.

"Just Ron and Ron in the Morning... Just Rock and Roll the rest of the day.

[Arch Stanton]

From the early 90's...


"I swear to Christ Fezzie... I would punch a shark in the nose and knock his ass out cold."

I've been laughing with Ronnie B since way back in the day... This is the funniest thread I've ever seen. I had to register just so I can share all the great lines I can remember from way back when I was a youngster listening on WJRR in Orlando.

"Just Ron and Ron in the Morning... Just Rock and Roll the rest of the day.
Welcome and do check out our listening thread. Plenty of goodness for you buddy.

[Turtle]

Wait a minute, Dougout Doug is straight? alright Fez, here's the 10 bucks.
with out a doubt the best line today.

[TonyBagels]

From the early 90's...


"I swear to Christ Fezzie... I would punch a shark in the nose and knock his ass out cold."

I've been laughing with Ronnie B since way back in the day... This is the funniest thread I've ever seen. I had to register just so I can share all the great lines I can remember from way back when I was a youngster listening on WJRR in Orlando.

"Just Ron and Ron in the Morning... Just Rock and Roll the rest of the day.
Your insight is welcome.

[TonyBagels]

Ron's lines revisited

Since going through old shows to grab clips, I've come across some gems. These may be on here, but I'm too busy to check so I'll just repost them.

- Earl, you're too dark to date midnight.

- (about Dave) I guarantee you the guy would walk through a pet store with a hard on.

- (to Dave) There's Starbucks everywhere, doesn't mean we fuck dogs.

- (to Dave again) If we were a civilized country we'd all throw rocks at you until you were dead.

[TonyBagels]

Caller: I'm a paralegal.
Ron: You know what, if you want, Fez and I can raise some money and get you a new wheelchair.

[Garyisajoke]

On OJ's karma (or lacktherof)

"If you're listening to the show now, let me say this: OJ has gotten more pussy in the past ten years than you. And everyone says, 'oh what goes around, comes around.' No it doesn't. It goes around, comes around, then sticks to his cock."

[ProfessorAnt]

"If you are listening to this show then i guarantee that OJ has gotten more pussy than you in the last ten years...for those of you who say "what goes around comes around," that's wrong. What goes around comes around and stick to OJ's cock."

[Jimmy's Dignity]

From the first, best, and original Ron & Fez walkover....

"My uncle died in a concentration camp ....




he fell out of a guard tower.
get it we're Nazis!"

Ron: I've only got 3 bits; Fez is gay, Earl is Black, Dave is dumb, boom boom boom, give me my check, I'm out of here.

Ron: Okay, so your bit is to, uhh...kick a woman in her vagina?
Caller: Uh huh
Ron: See I wouldn't do that cause I don't wasnt to ruin the scuff on these shoes

[TonyBagels]

Turtle: Dave..Fuck You!
Ron: That was his best call!

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: There's Earl...just bringing it in. She's finally filled! "Oh, I'm so glad that I have your big black African cock. So much better than the little white pixie stick he's been fucking me with."

[TonyBagels]

(to Dave)
Relax, and visualize...Earl's big black cock slipping into her

[Jimmy's Dignity]

(to Dave)
Relax, and visualize...Earl's big black cock slipping into her
I so thought that that was going to be a set up for a couple of cowbell shots

Ron: You ready for my review?
Fez: Yeah!!
Ron: F

[TonyBagels]

I so thought that that was going to be a set up for a couple of cowbell shots


Same here. Oh well he still got them.
What was the line cook line? and the celery line?

[TonyBagels]

back from 9-29

(about S&M)
Dave: I'm gonna look into some of this.
Ron: Come over here, I'll punch you right in the face right now.

[hoo cares]

Just after the "walkover" to XM - Ron as Opie with a mouthful of food. "Well, at least we can coast for the next three hours, since we just did the "real" show over at CBS". Thought I was gonna lose it.

P.S. 500 posts baby!

[SeaFoamGreen]

I don't know why, but one of Ronnie's best bits got me today....


Caller:I'm a New York City cop
Ron:I got my own radio show

[TimHorton]

Ron: "Where are the comics?"

[TonyBagels]

Just after the "walkover" to XM - Ron as Opie with a mouthful of food. "Well, at least we can coast for the next three hours, since we just did the "real" show over at CBS". Thought I was gonna lose it.

P.S. 500 posts baby!
phenominal

[navord2]

Two words...

cow bell...

[TonyBagels]

Same here. Oh well he still got them.
What was the line cook line? and the celery line?
OK here is the transcript


Ron: Earl, would you be honest, as a Christian, have you ever jacked thinking about Claire?

Earl: Never.

Ron: I have. Well, after that chef story. I fuckin had this thing that all the line cooks were lined up, one after another. Sick, but I thought it.

Fez: That's a good one.

Dave: It hurts though, you know? When you say things like that. Johnny's laughing it up and everything like that..

Ron: Then that other time that we were at Hooters. Remember? I had the celery stick and I was working it in and out of her mouth. (Dave mumbles) 'Cause I fantasized about that a little bit. Remember what I said to her? What if this was a cock? (Johnny laughs) How would that be? Show me how you suck. and she was like aauuggghhhhllllrr

[MilkmanDan]

Caller - "Ron I'm not really sure if you're on my side but Fez is right behind me"
Ron - "Be careful, I'm sure he would be"
Fez - "If it would help, of course!"

[TonyBagels]

caller: How about Natalie Cole. She's legit.
Ron: You think she's too legit....to quit?

[TonyBagels]

(as Wolfgang Van Halen)

Dad, don't quit. Dave didn't mean it.

[TonyBagels]

Fez: She's grown up to be a beautiful girl.
Ron: So have you.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: You never saw Dog Day Afternoon!! Yet you know who Drew Lachey is. It's things like that that never stop to amaze me

[TonyBagels]

(after Earl does an impression of Steve Harvey)
You do the best black voice, Earl.

[MilkmanDan]

Earl - "I think it was Steve Harvey that said "I paid 45$, you work it for me!""

Ron - "You do the best black voice Earl"

[TonyBagels]

Best fans in baseball. Maybe the only true New York baseball fans..Mets fans.

[TonyBagels]

(alright I gave JD a chance here and now I'm not sure of the exact quote)

I love Easy E's kid's new song, Fuck the Crossing Guard.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: <disgusted> Ugh, there is nothing I hate more than your stupid gossip

Ron: I've got a cousin who's a trigger-lover...my parents won't even let me talk to her anymore

[TonyBagels]

Aw shit.. I have to listen to the replay to get the transcript of the Trigger comments

[TonyBagels]

Here's the thing with me and Fez, life has beaten us down so much that we no longer care.

[TonyBagels]

Fez: But that makes me a failure!
Ron: No, more of an anchor.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Caller: Ron, you surround yourself with failures to make yourself look better
Ron: Ya know...you're right!
Caller: Big Ass Prize Closet?
Ron: No.

Fez: That means I'm a failure...
Ron: No, you're not a failure. The show's a failure, you're more of an anchor

damnit Tony!

[TonyBagels]

Ron: If you're on this show, you're a failure. Dave, you're a failure, you're from Jersey.

[TonyBagels]

Caller: Ron, you surround yourself with failures to make yourself look better
Ron: Ya know...you're right!
Caller: Big Ass Prize Closet?
Ron: No.

Fez: That means I'm a failure...
Ron: No, you're not a failure. The show's a failure, you're more of an anchor

damnit Tony!
Ahhh, I picked up where you left off. Nice.

Oh wait, just read the bottom of your post (and forgot I posted the one previous to yours)

[TonyBagels]

(about being dumped to Dave)

I can't wait 'till you get your post-it note.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

talking about a Great Dane wearing a robe & hood

Ron: I swear to christ, this thing looked like it should have been hanging out with Yoda. If it started speaking to me, I wouldn't have freaked out in the least

[FAZ8218]

Whispers...
Fez's real name is Todd.... and his sexuality is "None of the above"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Are you a fucking sped?
ESD: No, I got straight B's in school
Ron: In the sped classes? Did you ever wear a helmet to school?
ESD: I don't think so...no
Ron: Did you go to the zoo alot?
ESD: Umm..yeah
Ron: I think I know what type of classes you were in...

[MilkmanDan]

Ron - "Pitzy you're Italian right, do you think you're white?"

Pitz - "Yeah I consider myself white"

Ron - "uhuh. Not to us."

[ProfessorAnt]

Jay Mohr - Long Island looks like a big cock, y'know that
Fez - Yea
Ron - Of course you do. He used to jack of to an atlas

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ant: Long Island has Pat Benatar!
Ron: And she invented the cameltoe and never gets credit!

[FAngel]

Talking about states and how they only count if they touch--

"Alaska and Hawaii can blow me."

Simple and brilliant.

[TonyBagels]

More from yesterday:
Dr. Steve and Turtle, right now are 1 and 2 in my book.

[TonyBagels]

Dave: (snidely) Bye Tony
Ron: He’s good people.

[TonyBagels]

Breathe out, shut your eyes, just relax, and think to yourself that you’re fuckin’ in a relaxed place right now..just as you can visualize..Earl’s big black cock going into your girlfriend and she’s going to finally be pleased, I’m so used to that fuckin’ tiny white pixy stick he tries to please me with. Finally I got your big African cock making me feel like a woman.

[TonyBagels]

Ron: Then when I see how happy you loook and how quick you are to pull the trigger (ani difranco)..Trigger. Trigger.

Earl: It sounded awfully close dude.

Ron: No, I was calling you.

Earl: You were?

Ron: (whispers) I wasn't. I just want you to know what it's like to be accused of racism...

Earl: I'm Sorry.

Ron: Trigger.

Earl: Hey!

Ron: What!?

Earl: You did say trigger, didn't you?

Ron: Mmm, hmm. It's a horse. Matter of fact, I, umm, have a cousin who's a trigger lover. (whispers) Parents won't let me talk to her anymore. (ani difranco) Earl, I'm talking really black. NOt like you. I mean really black.

Earl: Almost purple?

Ron: Edi Amin black.

Fez: That is dark.

[faggothawk]

Kurt Angle had wolf eyes, hungry like the wolf.
Yeah, and I tell him all i got is this duran duran burger, best i can do for ya.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

I hate Pat Battle Mode...so hard to find the thread

talking about how he thought the Berenstein Bears were gay
Ron: Bears should suck cock instead of raising their kids with a woman that looks like that

After Dave talks about how there is going to be robot hands in the extremely near future. Caller calls in and says Dave should cut off his head...
Ron: You know Dave, they will have robot heads in the future. I am Robot Dave! I still have red antennae! Robot Dave fucks jelly. Robot Dave ads nothing to show. Robot Dave brought up new way to jack

Caller chimes in with the story about how some guy fucked a dead deer.
Ron: Dave, you gotta be careful. You gonna go fuck a dead deer?
Dave: Oh for Fuck's sake! Hell no!
Ron: When you say "for fuck's sake" that's exactly what it's for...fuck's sake

talking about the hacky signs that people have at sporting events
Ron: It's on ABC, right? We can do "At Bo's Cremation"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: I guess there's just something about keeping a shark in hose water
Fez: You can't keep a shark in plain hose water
Ron: You're tellin me!

Ron to boring-ass caller: Granted I enjoyed your story, but I gotta wake up, I got a show to finish up

[FAngel]

A bit paraphrased, sorry.

"I used to tease the shit out of dogs. I would throw snowballs at 'em. Sometimes I'd soak 'em in water and make like a little fuckin' iceball."

[faggothawk]

Caller: I broke my ankle in a car accident, and got $35k, went through it in 6 months
Ron: 6 months? George you sound like a man that doesn't have a coke problem.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

:haha7: :haha7: :haha7: :haha7: :haha7: :haha7: I finally caught the luchador line...

Fez: I just want to know who he's going to have on the red carpet with him
Ron: She'll be wearing a mask like a luchador so Gail O doesn't know who it is

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Alright, you're in here doing that damned annoying bit again. You wanna be little Al Dukes? I'll cowbell you to death right here, beat you with a fucking soundboard

[jimmyolsenblues]

Ron: "Do you think that if they had the picture of OJ in the Bruno Malli shoes he would have been convicted in the first trial?"
Fez&ESD: Yes.
Ron: "Let me wake you up and smell the coffee, that jury would not have convicted OJ if they had a picture of him bowling with her head. That case was over the day they picked the jury".

[TonyBagels]

Earl: There isn't a word for white people that has the power of the 'N' word.
Ron: Yeah there is, taxpayer.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Earl: They were ****** them!
Ron: ******? Then why was she wet?

Michael Richards: Blablablabla ****** ****** ******"
Ron: At this point, still funny.

Ron: Let me just say this...there has never been anything false said about the Irish. The alcoholic thing is all true. My grandfather could drink more than any man alive, and my grandmother could out-drink him.

[dilznick101]

******? ...well then why was she wet?

[dilznick101]

good one, jimmy's. beat me to it...

[TonyBagels]

good one, jimmy's. beat me to it...
He's the LOTD MAN!

[TonyBagels]

RON: I lost any interest in my career some time ago

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: JJ, did you just say Jimmy Buffett?
JJ: Yes I did
Ron: I'm sitting next to a guy who fucked a jar of jelly and I'm telling you I have more respect for him


Ron: Well congratulations to Ryan Howard, and I'd like to say you're going to make a wonderful Yankee one day

Ron: I don't think anyone would want a shirt that says "Dave shut up, Fez is gay and Earl is black," that's all you really get from me.

[TonyBagels]

Caller: Jimmy Buffet
Ron: Did you just say Jimmy Buffet?
Caller: Yes I did.
Ron: JJ, I'm sitting next to a guy that fucked a jar of jelly and I'm telling you I have more respect for him.

[TonyBagels]

I hate to hate him. That's how I feel about East Side Dave

[TonyBagels]

You're a little cranky Fez. YOu know who you should talk to...

BIG AAAAAAAA

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: You know who i wish would keep up with Big A? The Big N....

Ron: What, do you want a new nickname?
Fez: Yeah, I would like one
Ron: Big Gaaaaaayyy!

edit - Big Gay whatever. I couldnt even think
well shit, which is it? I've edited this damned post about a dozen times....

[Wilmington WOW]

Caller: Jimmy Buffet
Ron: Did you just say Jimmy Buffet?
Caller: Yes I did.
Ron: JJ, I'm sitting next to a guy that fucked a jar of jelly and I'm telling you I have more respect for him.


the minute the caller said Jimmy Buffet, I knew he was in trouble

[yvj]

Ron addressing the African Americans of the world:

"And again why take this out on the Goldman family. I understand that you’re upset by the way your people have been treated for the last four hundred years. I know you’d rather be back in Africa running up a tree with a Lion fucking two steps behind ya. But hey it worked out the way it worked out."

:clap: :clap: :clap:

[watsonnostaw]

Ron addressing the African Americans of the world:

"And again why take this out on the Goldman family. I understand that you’re upset by the way your people have been treated for the last four hundred years. I know you’d rather be back in Africa running up a tree with a Lion fucking two steps behind ya. But hey it worked out the way it worked out."

:clap: :clap: :clap:

line of the week

[HeroOfTheDay]

Ant: It (racism) is going through your head at some point in your life
Ron: And sometimes just sexually. Even when the, uh, when you're with a black chick you're going to act like "Hey, I had an idea for a little game...". That always comes up. It always starts like "Get your black ass over here" and "Who's black ass is this?".
Ant: And then you go to far "Hey, ******- oh..."
Ron: But at that point I re-came anyway, so whatever. Do your screaming; I can't top it.

[TonyBagels]

Here's a classic -

Here's the thing. When you hear the term 'fuckin' nuts', you don't mean that that person is fucking a nut. Right now, Earl, you're fucking nuts for real.

[LiddyRules]

When discussing his best lines "Dave is stupid, Fez is gay, Earl is black. There. That's all my material."

Also from a couple of weeks ago
R: I grew up pilgrim
F: Really?
R: Look at my tri-corner hat. See my buckle?
F: Oh Yeah!

[expungablerobot]

"You know what JFK Jr. was wearing when he went down- little short suit. He was saluting the military, it was adorable."

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: We've got blacks at our school. So fuck you and your rich houses. So what that our houses are connected, we're just closer

[expungablerobot]

"Oh, yeah, poor Aliyah. She brought an extra suitcase and she died."

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: I've got your flight manifesto...you're on Deathbucket Airlines, they haven't crashed today. Boy are they due...

[TonyBagels]

You're on death-bucket airlines, they haven't had a crash
today

[TonyBagels]

GOD DAMN JD, are you on hold and get the feed before it gets shot into space and comes back down?

[TonyBagels]

Peter Pan's fake, plane crashes they're real

[TonyBagels]

(to Dave) His name is Sven? Then he's probably Swedish you fuckin'...

[Jimmy's Dignity]

ESD: I hope you're listening Sven!
Ron: <laughing> His name is Sven?
ESD: Yeah
Ron: Then he's probably Swedish you stupid fuck

EDIT: damnit Tony...I had to put down my fork first and you beat me

Ron: Earl, you're gonna bust on someone for being blacker than you?
Earl: No!
Ron: You're so black you can bend time, that's how black you are!

[TonyBagels]

You're so black you can bend time. (to Earl)

[expungablerobot]

Caller: Since I'm half German half Irish, what am I?

Ron: Um, faggot

[plexo66]

Ron's on fire today

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Caller calls in to bet Fez in the Cowboys-Buccaneers game on Turkey Day.

Fez: What am I going to give up? It's 11 points!
Ron: Put up Oral, that way you don't lose

[TonyBagels]

Hey I can cook a turkey in like 20 minutes, yeah but you have to wait an hour hour twenty before it cools off.

[MilkmanDan]

Ron - "Dave do you do anything at your house?"

Dave - "Ah I dunno, me and my brothers do..."

Ron - "Ok thats unmentionable."

[TonyBagels]

Actually, if you slept with less than 15, you're definately gay.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Bronx Johnny: I'll only call a girl a bitch if I don't know their name
Ron: I'll do that when they're being uppity...like making eye-contact

[TonyBagels]

imitating paltalk


Hi can you see me? I can see you too.

[Wilmington WOW]

imitating paltalk


Hi can you see me? I can see you too.


hey look at your living room
man this is incredibly boring

[Wilmington WOW]

I love the Chichester vs. Sun Valley football game

thanksgiving day football is a bid deal in Delaware County, PA

My dad was knifed in a Chester game

[LiddyRules]

*While Playing SOL*
Ron: Some people say Lou Reed is a genius. But if I wrote this song, you'd think I was being silly.

[Sailor_E]

I remember this one and still quote it today, few months ago, they were talking about NYC being overpopulated, Dave (in his infinite sucks at lifeish wisdom) suggested that they start building cities in the clouds like in Empire Strikes Back. Ron's reply, without missing a beat:

"why don't you go take a brick and put it on a cloud, tell me how that works out for you"

dammit im laughing at it again now.
Too good:clap:

[Dicktator]

Talking about satelite of love

Ron: I don't know if Lou Reed can't sing or he's the slowest rapper in history.

[Wilmington WOW]

just heard the replay of Wednesday

again the chichester v. sun valley
so our house are stuck together, we got the balck on our team
yeah, your girls are better looking, but ours fuck
have fun with the virgin at the prom

[tommytwobucks]

http://www.delcotimes.com/site/index.cfm?newsid=17510128&BRD=1675&PAG=461&dept_id=18171&rfi=8

Sun Valley 41, Chichester 14

[BCH]

I remember this one and still quote it today, few months ago, they were talking about NYC being overpopulated, Dave (in his infinite sucks at lifeish wisdom) suggested that they start building cities in the clouds like in Empire Strikes Back. Ron's reply, without missing a beat:

"why don't you go take a brick and put it on a cloud, tell me how that works out for you"

dammit im laughing at it again now.
Too good:clap:

Just got a chuckle out of me again.

Long live Mr. B.

[hammersavage]

Great Ronny B story: 'This chick wanted me to be her surrogate father but I said i'd only donate my sperm through sex. So I'm banging this chick, and when its time, i pull out and glaze her. Every time, just cover her in the stuff. We do this about 70, 80 times.

Finally, i come insider her, get her pregnant. A week later i forced her into an abortion.'

[Jimmy's Dignity]

talkin about Chichester's close loss

Who's girls suck cock? Ours do
Who has better dope? We do
who has bigger houses? You do
Who's going to college? You guys

[Standby]

"I want to separate that family from that money."

In context, brilliant throwaway line from Ronnie...

[Jimmy's Dignity]

talking about Staples' Very Dirty XXX-mas
Fez: How do you sign a turd?
Ron: ...I think with a felt tip

[Wilmington WOW]

Ronnie: there's a new kid in town
fezzy: I don't want to hear it
Ronnie: there's a new kid in town
fezzy: I don't want to hear it

[Standby]

"The problem with you Earl... I think you're trying to take the Kwan out of Kwanzaa."

"Now the Spanish, I know, are doing something different, Juan-za... which I think is a total ripoff."

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: I'm gonna tell you why you people do this Earl....and by "you people" I mean the entire Race

Caller: So Earl, are you saying that black people are disruptive?
Earl: No! We're just an emotional, excited people
Ron: That's like me seeing a set of tits on the street, say I like them, and just go grab them!

[MilkmanDan]

Ron yelling at Earl about Blacks in movie theatres - "Earl, we know, they just yell out the obvious shit "That's Luke Skywalker!" , yes, we know that !"

[Standby]

To Dave singing Danny Boy drunkenly on Paltalk:

"You are losing a trivia contest to a bag of fuckin' Scrabble tiles."

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Earl: Was that just beer or were you drinking something else?
ESD: There were shots
Ron: Beers and cum, only things he drank all night

[Standby]

"He shits in a bucket and goes 'Look Mom, it's your granddaughter.' And it's covered in sperm."

[TonyBagels]

You only know three people and you call each other.

[markrules]

Is this really line of the day anymore... or just anything funny. I think the thread was much better earlier when you didn't have people just transcribing the show.

[Standby]

Is this really line of the day anymore... or just anything funny. I think the thread was much better earlier when you didn't have people just transcribing the show.

We are doing what Ronnie told us to, sir. And that is to not slack off on the thread. We're missing most of the good ones...

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: What's wrong with just pulling out and just putting it on her? I think it's even more enjoyable to watch her sit there in her own shame

[TonyBagels]

I have news for you. I'm not taking my cigar out, even if I'm going down on her. I mean, I'll put it to teh side, 'cause I'm a gentleman.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Hey guys, you want extended frustration?
Female Caller: This is what women have lived with for centuries
Ron: This is why we're glad to be born with cocks

Ron: It's shame cum!
ESD: I like clear cum.
Ron: Is it fucking delicious? Do you get that nice vanilla taste you were after?

[MilkmanDan]

Ron - "Now we can fly some shit over to Africa in boxes and leave it. "Here's some Shoes, dont eat them"".

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: This is about as far as Earl can take his family tree back. He knows who his mom is, but isn't sure about his dad. His family tree is a stump!

Ron: Earl, I think you look like half the guys in the NBA, don't mean they're your father!

[Vyce]

Dave: He's a pasture!
Ron: What, do you think cows are eating off him?

Dave: P-A-S-T-O-R. Pas-TOR?
Fez: Did you say past-whore?
Ron (to Dave): No, that was your mom.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: I saw you fuck jelly. Now you think you're above society?

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: I'll put you up on J-Date. Hve you find some nice people. Notice I said people, cause I don't judge
Fez: Why would I want to be on J-Date??
Ron: Cause I want you to meet successful people! I'm not gonna go put you up on N-Date

[Douchebag Listener]

Fez: Why would you send me to J-date?
Ron: I want you to meet someone successful. I'm not going to send you to N-Date.

[SlugMcSlug]

With all the good ones there were today I thought it was the one Ronnie had to explain when he said he had to pay sixty dollars and take out the garbage.

Call it "Obscure reference of the day."

[Douchebag Listener]

Ron: I'll put you up on J-Date. Hve you find some nice people. Notice I said people, cause I don't judge
Fez: Why would I want to be on J-Date??
Ron: Cause I want you to meet successful people! I'm not gonna go put you up on N-Date

Great, 3 hours later I realize I've been beat by half a second... :action-sm

[BCH]

Ron - "Now we can fly some shit over to Africa in boxes and leave it. "Here's some Shoes, dont eat them"".

Put those on!

I was going to vote for this one.. I spit soda.

:icon_mrgr

[LiddyRules]

The traditional Kwanzaa song of "Boil the White man, boil the white man"

[Vyce]

On the subject of black churchs, and Ron advocating silence:

Black Earl: Church should be a place where you could have a good time, act the fool and run around.
Ron: See you in hell, ya idiot.

[Standby]

Put those on!

I was going to vote for this one.. I spit soda.

:icon_mrgr
This must have been when I wasn't listening to the show but holy S, I just had to stifle laughter a day later reading it...

[Arch Stanton]

We are doing what Ronnie told us to, sir. And that is to not slack off on the thread. We're missing most of the good ones...
Absolutely. Since we do not a reasonable replay we sometimes get caught listening (it is a radio show) and not catching many gems.

Every line Ron says by definition can be considered line of the day.

[JBLouisville]

In Ref to Ron's pope comment

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y180/safetypunt/itsallforyoudamiencopy.jpg

[JBLouisville]

I remember this one and still quote it today, few months ago, they were talking about NYC being overpopulated, Dave (in his infinite sucks at lifeish wisdom) suggested that they start building cities in the clouds like in Empire Strikes Back. Ron's reply, without missing a beat:

"why don't you go take a brick and put it on a cloud, tell me how that works out for you"

dammit im laughing at it again now.
Too good:clap:


I just drooled from loffing

[TonyBagels]

Every time I eat a steak, I say, "Hey at least I'm not eating a baby."

[MilkmanDan]

Fez - "Like lots of that stuff. I like one thing I won't mention."
Ron - "Cock?"
Fez - "no.."

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: What the hell is that fucking movie about? Being dumb is fun? Women who fuck should die??

[MilkmanDan]

Overrated movie talk

Caller - "Pulp Fiction"
Ron - "Oh cmon I'm not gonna put up with that. Thats like calling Jesus the N word, am I right Earl?"
Earl - "huh??"
Ron - "Yeah thats just degrading"

[Standby]

Overrated movie talk

Caller - "Pulp Fiction"
Ron - "Oh cmon I'm not gonna put up with that. Thats like calling Jesus the N word, am I right Earl?"
Earl - "huh??"
Ron - "Yeah thats just degrading"

Ron: Besides, he was a white man.
Earl: He was?

[hangoverbuffet]

not sure if this one has been covered but

Earl: there is not a word that means the same as the n word to white people

Ron: yes there is

Earl: what is it?

Ron: Taxpayer we hate that

Genus like that comes once in a life time

[Vyce]

Fez: Every now and then it slips out.
Ron: Eeeeewwww.
Fez: My dark place.
Ron: I thought you meant your dick.
Fez: *laughs* No!
Ron: In an ass. In a kid's ass.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

caller: Morning Guys! Ugh, morning...it's afternoon. Oh well, it's still morning here in Chicago
Ron: That's okay, you can call it morning. Hell if I lived in Chicago I'd call it mourning all the fucking time. Just look up and see those awful grey skies...

[Arch Stanton]

Talikng about bad rain weather:
Fez got 6 inches last night and it wasn't even raining.

(Fez) it was from the weather man though

[TonyBagels]

(to caller)
When you're dialing that phone next time think if you've got anything funny and any timing in your family.

[ChimneyFish]

"I hate a band that acts like they're wizards." - Ron on Led Zepplin

[BalloonKnotB]

Dave tells his joke: "What's the proper name for a shishkebob?"

Ronny: "I don't know, what?"

Dave: "A shishkeRobert!"








Ronny: *Cowbell CLANG*

[TonyBagels]

(talking about the last crop of interns, specifically Frankenberry)
Last week he winked at me.

[BIV]

"I hate a band that acts like they're wizards." - Ron on Led Zepplin

"...and don't think I've forgotten about you, Uriah Heep."

[TonyBagels]

(talking about the last crop of interns, specifically Frankenberry)
Last week he winked at me.
Last week, that Fucker winked at me.

[TonyBagels]

I can catch goodness that I wasn't fast enough to type the first time around:

Dave: ..remember you used to write to Columbia and you can get 8 CDs for a penny?
Ron: I used to write to Columbia for something else.

[TonyBagels]

Dave: ..couple of things I need to tie up.
Ron: Girl?
Dave: No.
Ron: Dog?
:clap: :clap:

[TonyBagels]

Starvin' we got any TonyBagels back there?

[RotorHead]

About commercials in the movie theater prior to the movie:


"The first time we saw a Coke commercial we should have charged the fuckin' screen"

[watsonnostaw]

Fez: There are no Nazi's making the 2007 Mercedes Benz

Ron: I would not say that

[HeroOfTheDay]

A few all time greats:

*During the Eddie the Murderer fiasco*
Ant: Eddie, why didn't you throw Ron and Fez a bone and call them instead?
Ron: Yeah, why can't I be on the front page of The Post tommorrow you son of a bitch?

Eddie: My mother lives upstairs-
Ron: It's him in a wig!


Ron was interviewing the guy that wrote Jarhead, and an intern passed him a note saying it was the birthday of the Marines. And Ron returned the note to the intern and on the back he wrote "Go buy a cake and eat it"

*Ron's now infamous rant against the PD who said Fez wasn't working hard enough*
Ron: Call here again and I'll rip that damn phone out of the wall. I'm not playing games with you. I'm not playing fucking games. I'll chase you down the damn street with it. Don't make me sit here and tell what we really want to do Cameron, because my agent tells me to stay cool until he gets here. That's all you got going for you right now, cause if you want to see the "Your Mom's Box Show" I'll do it tonight, bitch. I'll do it tonight, and I'll say EXACTLY what takes place in these fucking halls.

[TonyBagels]

Ron: You know who I wish would keep up with Big A?
Fez: Who's that?
Ron: The Big N! He's driving me fuckin' crazy today.

[TonyBagels]

Ron: See, Fez.
Dave: Homeless?
Ron: I was going for homo. Where we used to be.

[TonyBagels]

Hawaii is Puerto Ricans that don't stab people.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: No what I hate about Juneau? They hate Jews! Jew-NO! That's how they spell it! With a big X through the Jew

Ron: Do you fucking see Puerto Rico touching anything? I call Hawaiians Puerto Ricans who don't stab people!!!

Ron: Really & truely if it was up to me, you'd only be a state if you fought in the Civil War. I was thinking about having those guys out west fight it out just cause we had to!

Ron: His guy cut him off! He said, "I don't want a magic N in here taking my money!" That's his quote Earl, not mine. I'd have used the whole word.
Earl: What?!

[Vyce]

Ron: His bookie said, 'I don't need a magic N in here picking my pocket every week.' That's his words, Earl, not mine........I'd say the whole word.

[TonyBagels]

Here's the only people I'm gonna talk to (said as if writing a list)
GVac
and
all
the
chicks

[TonyBagels]

yes, they have jobs, but they still aren't working. Am I right, Earl?

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ronnie: Okay and here's the enemy...Monica
<chats for a bit>
Monica: You know we're not the enemy here
Ronnie: Yeah you are. Take Care

Bronx Johnny: When I get really down I hit Myspace hard
Ron: Ugh, that's the worst thing you can do. What you have to do is keep it in until you get stomach cancer like a man

[RobeSoup&Tears]

[Screaming ESD background]

Ron: "...you need more hot sauce."

[big farles]

I agree, Ron's "do you need more hot sauce?" line had me crying.

[axxis64]

I agree, Ron's "do you need more hot sauce?" line had me crying.


agreed

[faggothawk]

We all fall for a stripper, and everyone says to themselves "Im goin' to find that fuckin uncle of yours and kick the shit out of him"

also:

Who cares about division II, its like saying "who's the fastest blind kid in the world"

[TonyBagels]

Here's one that goes to Ron AND Fez -

Dave: Well my brother dropped me on my head..
Ron: When you were blowing him?
Dave: No, I was way too young for that.
Fez: What's the proper age when you can blow your brother?

[TonyBagels]

It wasn't a bet against me or Fez. It was a bet against nature.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Some of that hot sauce get down in your vagina?
ESD: I don't have a vagina
Ron: Really?
ESD: No!
Ron: Fez, here's those $10...
Fez: Thank you!

[TonyBagels]

Then 75% of the show will be bald. It'll be a Mo and three curlies

[dilznick101]

if jesus was alive today, he'd throw up in his own mouth

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: There he is again...not only is he retarded, but people are paying to hear the retard speak

[TonyBagels]

Lou Reed starts playing
Ahh, when you hear that this song it means one thing:
We're done with you.

[underdog423]

If she came home with one black baby, I'd go fucking nuts. I'd break every fucking dish in the house. No offense, Earl.

[TonyBagels]

Fez: I can't imagine...
Ron: Being with a women?
Fez: ...the weird sensation of getting a condom sprayed on.
Ron: You couldn't believe the weird sensation of getting pussy around your cock.

[TonyBagels]

(after Radio Shark's call)
Dave: Beras aren't allergic to Febreeze or deodorants of any kind.
Ron: He's doing a racist joke.
Dave: Oh
Ron: How come you can't get anything?

[TonyBagels]

(to F, E, & D)
Can I just say something, retard pack? You've gotten off the fucking initial thing. This is why I worry about us against the bears. You guys..somebody rolls a ball you go chasing it.

[TonyBagels]

(about Dave sheltering and feeding himself)
This fucker only knows one way: His parents.

[TonyBagels]

Could you imagine if we didn't have have tools, how fucking suspect the world would be for us.

[TonyBagels]

Dave: They..they don't seem to have a good gameplan, just in general, retards. I'm not sure that would work.
Ron: You people have game plans. Don't put yourself down.
Dave: I'm not a retard.
Ron: You want me to replay the bet where you let us put hot sauce on your head?
Dave: I was tricked.
Ron: Retards always are.

[TonyBagels]

(to Dave)
Seriously, you're so incredibly stupid, that I can listen to you forever. I'm not kidding. It's like seeing a fucking retard with a microphone. It's amazing to me. This to me..aa..I never thought I could get away with that...(a bit later)
Alright, again, not only is he retarded, but people are paying to hear the retard talk.

[LiddyRules]

From a couple of days ago "Earl why don't you sing me one of those hymns like 'when you're dead, everything will be better' and 'there's fried foods in heaven.'

[Standby]

From a couple of days ago "Earl why don't you sing me one of those hymns like 'when you're dead, everything will be better' and 'there's fried foods in heaven.'
Can't believe that one didn't make it here earlier. Had me howling...

[Arch Stanton]

Funny, I go to take a nap to get away from what you are dreaming, a threesome. I am living it.


There is nothing like being in the middle of a threesome and they styart punching and clawing at each other.

[Turtle]

ESD's parents got rich from retard money
HEheheheh

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ronnie: Utica...Utica...east of Syracuse? Syracuse....Syracuse....how far are you from Upstate-Yonkers?

Ron: Memphis is like 60-40 black, which I'm okay with! When I was in Nashville, it all felt too fake to me. When I was in Memphis I was like, "Keep your head on a swivel and alright!" You know, it wasn't "leave your keys in your car" but you'll do alright!

[jobson]

Ron commenting on the song "there she goes":
you listen to this song and you fuckin start to lactate

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Next thing you hear, is us not talking to you. We're done with you and your shitty phonecalls, and your constant need to be entertained. <DONK>

[LiddyRules]

On the misleading advertisements for Starship Troopers: "Yeah! When the bugs attack we're going to be rocking to Blur!"

On XM's Hannuakah Channel: ""If you tune in right now, you can hear the Dreidle song."

[TonyBagels]

(to Big A)
Was there ever a time when you went through as the sorta nerdy, almost Fez type of guy?

[Arch Stanton]

Fez, I'm so sorry for pissing in your coffin. I was drunk

[Jimmy's Dignity]

(to Fez's Ghost)
Ron: I'm sorry that I pissed in your coffin...I was drunk....so drunk. And that I banged your sister....
Fez: Which time?!
Ron: ....in the ass. But you know I was really really drunk that time...I really hope that you can hear me down there in Hell

Ron: I called him a pussy at his funeral...
Fez: Ronnie!! Why?!
Ron: I said..."He was the only pussy I didn't try to fuck."

[Arch Stanton]

and sorry that I took your wallet while you were in the coffin. You know what was in there? 152,000 dollars. Fuckin' cheap skate

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: You know what Taylor Hick's new album is called?? It's called See You Next Tuesday! It should be #1 based on that alone!

[HeroOfTheDay]

*During the seance*
Dave: I felt something go through me
Ron: Was it a cock!?

[commish13]

That dead Fez bit was FANTASTIC today. I'm listening to my MyFi recording right now...

Fez (on taylor hicks): I think this fad is just about over.
Ron: Fag?
Fez: Fad! With a big D!

AHAHAH I LOVE YOU FEZZIE MARIE

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Earl, when was the last time you had red meat?
Earl: Umm...probably about a year and a half ago
Ron: Yeah, cause normally when we go out to lunch this guy gets a salad and a baked potato, then goes and throws it up like Paris Hilton

[GORILLABOB]

During a conversation about the heirarchy of animals and which could be eaten, Dave told us that cows and pigs were stupid and therefore eatable,while other animals were too inteligent to consume...
Dave: Would you eat a cute little dog?
Ron: If it was delicious!

[TonyBagels]

From Monday the 4th's show:

Women are the fucking Muhammad Ali of the world. They can't be touched. They can't be defeated.

[TonyBagels]

From yesterday:

I guess all Italians know each other. I guess they're all intertwined in a mob of..
whatever, whatever..common interests.

[TonyBagels]

(as Dave's head is getting burned from the hot sauce and screaming for water)
Ron: I've got some water right here, see. (Ron drinks the water)
:clap: :clap: :clap: Classic Ronnie B

[LiddyRules]

When talking about Fez eating steak and a shake and how that diet nearly killed him.

Ron: Should I go have a drink then?
Dave: Not you, you shouldn't have a drink.
Ron: Oh! I get it! Only Ronnie B. has to walk the line!!

[ESDisamick]

lol nice

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Okay lets hear a little of Ferg-i-licious
<Earl starts music>
Ron: Hate it.

Ron: Is this from her new album "Someone shit down my throat?"

[TonyBagels]

I wonder how the Insurgents haven't overrun us. We are fucking bat-shit crazy.

(talking about the public listening to horrible music)

[TonyBagels]

-edit- whoops thought I was in the listening thread, so used to posting so many lines here during the show

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Caller: How does his husband fuck her and still respect himself?
Ron: In the ass

[TonyBagels]

Dave (reading a thread): FRED is an opportunity for payola.
Ron: True

[Turtle]

Ron: Fez I think you're the white Michael Jackson.

[TonyBagels]

Dave: It's loyalty, that's what sports is about.
Ron: Should I try to get Harry back then?

[TonyBagels]

One thing I always dug about Princess Di. She'd always mix it up in the paint...under the boards

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: I'd wake up in the morning, and see one of my groupies. I'd tell them all the same line throughout the tour..."GET OUT PIG!" Just so they know where they stand. Okay, you fucked the legend, now get out

[LiddyRules]

*On the highest Diana could go if she came from America*

Ron: If she grew up in Iowa, she would be on the volleyball team.

[TonyBagels]

I need to be a little numb. I don't want to be push-push-cum, the Al Duke's banging.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: I'm not gonna lie, I need it to be a little more deadened. I don't want to be a push-push-cum...the Al Dukes type of banging

edit: damnit Tony!

[Vyce]

Circumcision talk:

Fez: I can't imagine it feeling any better.
Ron: How 'bout trying some pussy on the end of it, you'll be fuckin' shocked.



I nearly choked on my own tongue with that one.

[SweetPotatoPune]

might as well keep it high and tight, like his scalp is going to be

[TonyBagels]

Ron: I'm not gonna lie, I need it to be a little more deadened. I don't want to be a push-push-cum...the Al Dukes type of banging

edit: damnit Tony!
for once, the 30-second rule helps me

[ern]

Ron: I'd wake up in the morning, and see one of my groupies. I'd tell them all the same line throughout the tour..."GET OUT PIG!" Just so they know where they stand. Okay, you fucked the legend, now get out

Ron B. - I might write a song about it. Fez - Call it Fat Pig.

***Paraphrased, more or less***

[ern]

I might need some help with this one Tony Bagels, Liddy rules, or Jimmy's dignity.

Ron - You might be a retard, but at least you got energy. Everyone look at dave, hes in here swinging at nothing, but hes swinging.

[hangoverbuffet]

Jimmy's Dignity: Caller: How does his husband fuck her and still respect himself?
Ron: In the ass

That had to be line of the year for Mr Bennington...

fucking Line of the year

[faggothawk]

This line was so stupid, but it made me laugh hard...

Fez: I don't think a towel is the opposite of a blanket
Ron: I was going to say pigeon.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Caller: You know, everyone was talking about Ron & Fez, we really want to see him bald.
Ron: If you really want to see him balled, get up to 53rd & 3rd on a Saturday night...


Ron: What about you Dave, your family is childless?
ESD: Yeah, none of my brothers have children
Ron: Thank you. On behalf of a grateful nation...thank you

[Turtle]

Ron: "Don't say it, Dave, I'll paint the walls with your fucking blood."

[ChimneyFish]

Beat me to it, ya fuckin' prick.:icon_wink

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Caller: Pittsy, what the hell did you mean by "you people?"
Ron: Yeah, seriously...it's like you were talking about blacks.
Fez: Yeah...or something worse!
Ron: <under his breath> What could be worse?

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: There are sometimes people that you just wish bad things upon. Like anything that brings them pain, it brings you joy....like some financial problems or a stillborn...as long as it brings them pain, it makes you happy.

[tommytwobucks]

we'll get you a chicken smoothie right away, earl.

[MyKneeGrows]

"One thing I hate in this country, Is people. They drive me fuckin' crazy."

[TonyBagels]

Ron: "Don't say it, Dave, I'll paint the walls with your fucking blood."
I swear to God, I'll paint the fuckin' walls with your blood.


BEST LINE EVER!!

[TonyBagels]

Oh, thank you Mark. I gotta send him a thank you note. Tell you what, I'll say it here. Thank you. Mark, you write it down and read it whenever you want.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: But we did make it to the moon. Gotta give us credit for that. Every time you look up and see an airplane, you've gotta go, "How did the white people do it?"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: They have the compartments which is good, because I like to eat things one at a time
Ron: Cock. Balls. And finally asshole

[Michael Agosta]

Ron Bennington is a douchebag

[Turtle]

Ron Bennington is a douchebag
Fuck off asshole, get out of here

[nofate301]

Ron Bennington is a douchebag
15 posting douchebag

[Arch Stanton]

Aw, Opie and Anthony, hearts of gold. They are taking Fez shopping Saturday and getting all new clothes........

Fez: I am not going shopping with the homeless.

Ron: Get the shoes first.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: This would be like a preseason game for both of you! A scrimmage....a sexual scrimmage if you will!

[TonyBagels]

Dave: Can I look this up, please?
Ron: Go ahead. You can do whatever you want to get you away from that microphone.

[FAZ8218]

Ron Bennington is a douchebag
You're a disgrace to Italians and you should be banned just for your comments.


Mr. B-
"What are they poppin about over there?" (Talking about African groups whose languages use "clicking" noises.)

[SeaFoamGreen]

My favorite today --

Patti: Congratulations, I read all about it on the message boards
Ron:(Very low and fast) Don't believe everything you read.

[FAZ8218]

My favorite today --

Patti: Congratulations, I read all about it on the message boards
Ron:(Very low and fast) Don't believe everything you read.
Hahaha Patti, blowing up R&F's spots alwayssss. Last time she was on, she mentioned Fez's wife. Fuckin moron.

[TonyBagels]

When speaking about Secret Santa:

Ron: Fezzie, why don't you join this year, Secret Santa.
Fez: I'm not gonna get in a Secret Santa.
Ron:I know what I'm getting you.
Fez: What's that?
Ron: Banana butt lube.
Fez: Don't get me banana butt lube.
Ron: Mango?

[Gonzoid]

Hahaha Patti, blowing up R&F's spots alwayssss. Last time she was on, she mentioned Fez's wife. Fuckin moron.

WHa-wha-what? What was their response to that?

[thegreenninja]

Talking about African languages:
"They're all clickin' and clackin', what's all that popping about? It's like they're half cricket, rubbing their legs together."

[FAZ8218]

WHa-wha-what? What was their response to that?
Basically they just rolled over it and Ronnie just continued with the conversation clenching his teeth.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: It's Poppycock!
Fez: Alright, you got yourself a nice snack! I got the Ultimate Scorcese collection
Ron: Motherfuck

Ron: You really are like an 8 year old...whenever you're in here it's like I'm on "Kids say the Darndest Things"

[LiddyRules]

"I can't believe you made a check out to Watley. Where is he going to cash that? Pretendville?"

[jimmyolsenblues]

The genius that is ron bennington regarding Lord of the Rings movies....
"Its for little kids that took acid"

[jimmyolsenblues]

On the reason why you would fuck yoko ono.
"Who would not put their dick where John Lennon's dick was, all night , did lennon do this <smack> did he do this <smack> <smack> who broke up the beatles <smack> <<sobbing as yoko>> "i did".
I would use the white album as a condom.

[TonyBagels]

Look at the Let it Be album cover. They look like four amish guys with no where to go

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Ew...a vault? It's not a vault! It's old and dry, but it's not cement! Bet it feels like wet cement...you don't want it to dry around you though. You'll never get your cock out

[buffcomic]

Talking about fucking Dolly Parton...It would probably take 2 months before fucking her pussy occured to me....fucking brilliant

[ChimneyFish]

"They're so stupid, it's like working with a bunch of communists." - Ron Bennington on his staff

[Stormrider666]

From yesterday. Don't remember all of it, but when he said he thought it was to soon when they made the movie "Glory Road".

[Gonzoid]

Basically they just rolled over it and Ronnie just continued with the conversation clenching his teeth.

Is there a date of that show anyone knows? I would love to hear that.

[faggothawk]

I'm sitting here with fuckin poppycock, while fez has 4 movies he's not going to watch, cuz there's not a cartoon in the set.

gotta admit I sent the Scorcese set to fez to bust ron's balls

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Earl gave Fez & I each a bathroom key today. He's right on it
Earl: I even gave one to Dave
Ron: I don't give a fuck about Dave. He could die for all I care. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart

[ChimneyFish]

Ron: "I want you to stop using the Betty Boop voice."
Fez: "This is my real voice."
Ron: "Ah, geezzzz."

[jimmyolsenblues]

Ron on maintaining order with school kids and body sock.
Ron: Fez would you use a body sock to reprimand them
Fez: No , I would not restrict them.
Ron: I would chase them like Planet of the Apes riding a horse.

[watsonnostaw]

Ron during board gossip
"I dont think this board gossip is working out"
In Dave Voice:
"is it time we say Fuck You Dave?"

[LiddyRules]

"All those homeless guys carrying you on their shoulders as you're waving your church pants."

"If the bridge collapses because of a terrorist attack, at least you'll die with your best friends."

[jmsrules]

Hahaha Patti, blowing up R&F's spots alwayssss. Last time she was on, she mentioned Fez's wife. Fuckin moron.


fez's wife????

fez is married????
to a woman????

wow....my mind is blown.....

[WonkaVision]

fez's wife????

fez is married????
to a woman????

wow....my mind is blown.....


He had a bit about his "Wife" in canada....he is as queer as a 3 dollar bill.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ronnie on his phone call into O&A, asking about getting Fez into the Homeless Shopping Spree....saying he needs some new Church Pants

Ron: Wide in the waist, tight in the crotch, & zipper in the back...

[SeaFoamGreen]

From yesterday, and damn, I can't remember who he talked about. But, after mentioning fucking Yoko with the White Album...

Unknown Celebrity -- Ron: You know what's weird? I would fuck her with the White Album too

[LiddyRules]

I believe it was Priscilla Presley

[GorilaBoyNorton]

here is an old school one:

from 9-21-05

Guess who is on their way to a heart attack?

oh my god......

[SeaFoamGreen]

Thanks Liddy!!

[watsonnostaw]

Ron: I am going to get you on J-Date
Fez: J-Date, isnt that Jewish
Ron: What do you want N-Date.... I dont think so

[commish13]

I'd like to nominate the team of Ron and Fez for the world's tallest man/Andre bit from Thursday

[DeLLBerto]

When speaking about Secret Santa:

Ron: Fezzie, why don't you join this year, Secret Santa.
Fez: I'm not gonna get in a Secret Santa.
Ron:I know what I'm getting you.
Fez: What's that?
Ron: Banana butt lube.
Fez: Don't get me banana butt lube.
Ron: Mango?

Right after that talking about two headed dildos:

Patty: They have those?
Fez: Who's they?
Ron: (under his breath) Faagsss.

[TonyBagels]

(about Fez during the Homeless Shopping Spree)
You know, the baggy clothes I get. The ht I get. But why did you piss yourself?

[TonyBagels]

What happened was a guy got shot 50 times by a cop the other day. Of course he was black. But the cop that shot him was black too, right Earl? Because, Mayor Bloomberg was heard saying, "Whew!"

[Furtherman]

"We'll be on right afterneath Opie and Anthony tomorrow. Afterneath!?"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Anthony: Well there was this one guy who just kept yelling 'Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!!' at Dave...
Ron: That was me


Talking about the Black march on Saturday
Ron: They were all down on 5th Ave...so I took advantage of that. I went up to Harlem, broke into 45 houses and came out with about $30....not a bad day for me

The ENTIRE FCC-compliant "chat" Ronnie was having with Al "I'm FCC Compliant in my real life" Dukes...
Ron: How about, 'You're such a prick, I should shove you in my ass!', would that work?
Ron: How about, 'Hot breath on your vagina'?


and just like Furtherman said...."We'll be on right afterneath Opie & Anthony tomorrow. Afterneath?!? What the hell am I talking about? That's not even a word!"

[Dark Reyule]

I don't know if this was posted but this was when R and F were talking about TV Dinners.

FEZ: I like the compartments, I'm one of those people who likes to eat things one at a time.

RON: Balls, Cock, and then finally asshole.

[TonyBagels]

To Dawn Cumia -

Well here's the thing, Dawn. You're everything I ever wanted in a woman: Anthony

[ChimneyFish]

Quietly, as the synth starts in the Pual McCartney "Wonderful Christmas Time".

"Oh, God."

[JOHNNY HAIRDO]

On Fez's homeless shopping spree experience on TV and the internet:
Fez: "My family was mortified."
Ron: "Found out you were gay?"

[faggothawk]

Fez: Its like all my senses are more keen with this blindfold on.
Ron: Hmm... Where's common?

[TonyBagels]

(regarding Retard Island as part of Manhattan)

It's the same way we view Hawaiians as Americans. Yes, technically, yes. But no one believes it.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: No! I won! I want people to carry me around the room and celebrate!
Ron: There are people who would do that for you...but they're busy getting chemo. They don't quite feel up to it

[TonyBagels]

Now everybody wins, Fez. We're all winners because you lost.

(about Fez shaving his head for headsforhope.org)

[TonyBagels]

(about Fez)
Anything he has is probably good for you Dave. You can use whatever he has.

[TonyBagels]

(to Dave about wackbag having his address)
So you're saying in order for us to believe, she'd have to be beaten and r@ped.

[TonyBagels]

(to Earl, about agreeing with him so fast)
Don't be a House N. You're a fuckin' person!

[Sprite]

(to Earl, about agreeing with him so fast)
Don't be a House N. You're a fuckin' person!

I haven't posted in a while and was going to post this gem just now but TonyBagels took care of that for us. Oh wait, it looks like TonyBagels has taken care of EVERY SINGLE GEM Ron has said. Great job Tony! Thanks for hanging on Ron's every word and typing everything you laugh at 3 seconds after Ron says it at about 87 words per minute. :icon_roll

[Cromwell]

"Water or hot sause?"

They both sound the same to me :)

[MilkmanDan]

Ron - Right now I'm the only one that doesnt have a shaved head. You know what I'm thinking, you guys want to be a team?

Everyone else - Yeah ?!

Ron - Seriously, we should all do the same thing and be a team

Everyone else - Yeah !!!

Ron - Ok everyone grow their hair back.

[TonyBagels]

I haven't posted in a while and was going to post this gem just now but TonyBagels took care of that for us. Oh wait, it looks like TonyBagels has taken care of EVERY SINGLE GEM Ron has said. Great job Tony! Thanks for hanging on Ron's every word and typing everything you laugh at 3 seconds after Ron says it at about 87 words per minute. :icon_roll
I only got here in time to post it because Jimmy'sDignity wasn't available.


FIRST FREE FM RON LOTD POST!!!!
From the Free FM show:
(about getting Fez clothes that don't look ragged)
You know what I'm gonna do, Earl. I'm gonna give you $500. You take Fez out and get some Roca Wear. Where ever it is you get those clothes.

[TonyBagels]

Fez: I wouldn't mind working with some orphan boys.
Ron: Well you're not allowed to. And you know why.

[TonyBagels]

Right now in the history of the Earth it goes: Eagles fans worse and Nazis second. Nazi's are a distant second.

[TonyBagels]

Jesus Ron is on fire:
(on the Mara son)
There's only one way to deal with a taunter, and that's physical violence....
If he didn't hit him, he'd probably have to go and light his car on fire.

[Steve Kingston]

I don't remember the show or the topic, but Ron once talked about Fez "sipping jizz like it was coming out of a garden hose". That line had me rolling!

[TonyBagels]

From the first show they buddays did yesterday (XM)

Alright, so we've taken the blacks out of New Orleans, or as we call it, Operation Bush: a success.

[Arch Stanton]

to Fez and Dave:
Your two bald headed fucking idiots.

[ChimneyFish]

Can't believe you fuckers missed this one yesterday.


"Texas is just a big, dumb mystery to me."

[Jimmy's Dignity]

sorry...I've been getting chastised at work lately...so I can't play as hard or as accurately

from tonight's FM show
Ron: Okay Fez, you've got 3 seconds, where would you rather eat...a subway car or a morgue?
Fez: Ummm...uhh....Iiii'm gonna have to go with the morgue
Ron: With all those dead people there? Naked?
Fez: Iiiii'm still gonna have to say the morgue. It's not like there's many germs in there
Ron: I forgot to tell you...they all died of terrible diseases.............and there may be a Zombie or two walking around in there

[Hobo_Cum]

Ron:"Whatever he's done with at 68 seconds, that WILL be east side dave's hair, there will be no touch ups.
ESD:"What?
Ron:"Yeah"
ESD:"I didn't sign up for that though...."
Ron:"You didnt sign up for anything son, thats the beauty of this."

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: So Miss USA is stuck in rehab for 30 days
Ron: Pfffft. I can do 30 days without sobering up

Fez: This just in...all charges in the Duke lacrosse case have been dropped (http://sports.espn.go.com/ncaa/news/story?id=2706267)
Ron: Oh, and Earl? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA

Ronnie, talking about Matthew McConahey
Ron: He's like pussy paper! I don't even know if such a thing exists, but if it does, he's just like it!

[MilkmanDan]

(Talking about Wackbags Inno gift to West Side Claire)

Ron - Fuck this, I want this Inno, I could listen to your fuckups all day.

[MilkmanDan]

(Dave singing "Silent Night" after drinking)

Ron - "You sing so high I can almost hear your clit"

[HeroOfTheDay]

Ron: You know what I'm getting you for christmas, Fezzie?
Fez: What is it?
Ron: *disinterested* Eh, I don't know. Some gay stuff.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Wow...what if we had to put up with Dougout Doug all the time? That would be so fucking annoying!
Fez: Yeah, that would make me throw my radio away...

[Gyp]

I've got it saved on my MyFi from a best of that was on the other day and goddam, I could listen to Fez's story about him taking his Canadian relative's out to eat over and over again and laugh every time. When he says "They all order pina coladas!" And Ron shouts "BOAT DRINKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TODDY BOY'S BUYIN' BOAT DRINKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Not a hilarious line in and of itself but just Ron's complete amusement by the scenario crack me up.

[Tooz]

Hearing Ron really laugh at shit makes me both happy and laugh ! When Fez was bitching about the e-mail Ron replied to with "Curtis Cameltoe, Tossy the Salad, roman warhelmet, Pittsburgh Platter" You could hear the joy in his voice and that made me laugh really hard.

[buffcomic]

I cannot wait till both shows get back.....Buffalo Radio sucks

[MilkmanDan]

Black Earl - "I was gonna go see James Brown laid out at the Apollo but it was kinda scary around there"

Ron - "Too many black people for you?"

[Boba Dousch]

Earl his dick broke!

[RotorHead]

All you pillow f*ckers out there, be careful!

[MilkmanDan]

Ron - "Fez, there's only one way to have sex with a woman safely"

Fez - "How's that?"

Ron - "Well yeah here we go. You hold her down, you put a knife to her throat, doesnt have to be sharp and tell her not to say a word."

[TonyBagels]

(about Mikey D's broken cock story)
Get out of Fuckin' Queens. If I want a greek salad, I go to Queens. If I want the best Italian Ice, yes Queens. Mets game, Queens. But if I broke my cock, I go to Manhatten. That's a Fuckin' 212 operation!

[TonyBagels]

(during Mikey D's broken dick story, Earl's passing out)
Mikey: It looked like an eggplant.
Ron: I'm looking at an eggplant. He's passed out on the console.

[Standby]

"I don't see the difference between Bruce Springsteen and Bam Bam Bigelow."

[Standby]

"My father had the nine removed from our phone so we couldn't dial 911. There was no nine on the phone at my house."

[westben2002]

(Talking about Board Gossip Songs)

Fez: I hate how the songs don't match up with the segment titles

Ron: (sigh) thats the least of our problems

[TonyBagels]

From last nights FM show
(about delivering a baby)
What do you have to do? Yell, "Push, push", and then bite off the cord.

[TonyBagels]

Fm again

A lifeguard at a kid's pool is basically an adult.

[TonyBagels]

FM (but I don't know the exact line)

I consider a baby being thrown out of a window as the shortstop's ball. I'm old school. If he's calling me off, he gets it. He's the captain of the field

[TonyBagels]

FM last night

...but you'd hate to save a baby and it turns out to be Saddam.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: You ready for some drinkin' Lincoln?

[westben2002]

(Talking about Hinkley's assasination attempt on Regan)
Ron: women are hard to impress....the next day he's on tv everywhere and she acts like she wants nothing to do with him

[Arch Stanton]

FM last night

...but you'd hate to save a baby and it turns out to be Saddam.
you go top all the trouble to save the baby, just to kill it.

[Arch Stanton]

Hey Earl, what do ya say we bring back slavery?

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: When a kid is like, "Wow!! You tie your own shoes!" You're just like, "Ah..finally, someone I can impress!"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: I'm trying to think of a word, cause Earl will get offended....I CAN'T!! But you know where I'm going with that...

[TonyBagels]

I want to explain something to you, Dave. If I ever find out that you make a disparaging remark about any of the 1980 Phillies I will go fuckin' gangland in this place. I don't want to hear you bringing up Shake-&-Bake McBride. I don't want to hear anything about that. Manny Trio you don't fuckin' mention. Bowa that goes without saying. Show boatin' Pete Rose you keep you mouth shut. Bob Boone, shut up. The Big Polock, Lezinski, don't start. And you say one word about lefty, Steve Carlton, and I'll fuckin' rain hell on you. I'll fuckin' rain hell on you...Hold on I have to wipe a tear out my eyes, just thinking of those guys. Aaaa Philly Fever, heh.

(that one's for Redding)

[Arch Stanton]

I want to explain something to you, Dave. If I ever find out that you make a disparaging remark about any of the 1980 Phillies I will go fuckin' gangland in this place. I don't want to hear you bringing up Shake-&-Bake McBride. I don't want to hear anything about that. Manny Trio you don't fuckin' mention. Bowa that goes without saying. Show boatin' Pete Rose you keep you mouth shut. Bob Boone, shut up. The Big Polock, Lezinski, don't start. And you say one word about lefty, Steve Carlton, and I'll fuckin' rain hell on you. I'll fuckin' rain hell on you...Hold on I have to wipe a tear out my eyes, just thinking of those guys. Aaaa Philly Fever, heh.

(that one's for Redding)
This is so fuckin' good, everyone needs to see it twice!

[iridium130]

Yesterday's XM :

(At the end of Board Gossip)
Dave : And remember...we're always watching. Shhhhhhhhhhh...
Ron : It.

[TonyBagels]

From Yeah, what do you want

You're no better than the frozen wolves of the north. And by that I mean Canadiens.

[TonyBagels]

From the FM show on the 2nd

I would say this to her, Betty (Ford), you're 88 years old, you just lost your husband, why not have a drink.

[TonyBagels]

(from FM 1/2)
Dave: So it's kind of like blackmail.
Ron: Do, I'll never be with a black male. I'm talking about a woman.

[Arch Stanton]

I am putting on some Best of and we are going down to the ATM and your getting me a real Christmas gift.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

:haha7: :haha7: :haha7: :haha7: :haha7:

Ron: You got him a suit? Goddamn, I'd love a brand new suit. Where were you shopping, the funeral store?

Ron: El-Lo's taking us out for dinner tonight? We've gotta fuckin crush this meal. Double-steak this motherfucker

[Arch Stanton]

On Jim Lamply's ex:
She has no hands, I can see her coming in like an Irishman headbutting him.

[MilkmanDan]

Fez - "I haven't hit a woman since I was a kid, I cant imagine"

Ron - "You haven't fucked one either ! What you havent done with women is uncountable"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Oh you're way up there in Minnesota....you guys are bearly fucking homo sapiens up there. Bunch of missing-link people you are

Ron: I'd crush his fucking sternum
ESD: Family Ties was a great show!
Ron: Was it?

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: That's what it is...that's what you've brought to the show. The ability to appall

[TonyBagels]

From last night's FM show

I was at a dead show and actually saw a pregnant women's belly get bigger. It's been a great concert, the first two trimesters were phenominal, but I have to get out of here.