Ron Bennington's Line Of The Day

[TonyBagels]

last night again


Oh it was a horrible thing being at a dead concert and the acid wears off.

[TonyBagels]

another last night (about Phish shows)

Fez: I don't understand those fairy wings.
Ron: You of all people, I thought would understand.

[TonyBagels]

There's gaps in this show that you can drop a 747 through. I mean, BIG air pockets.

[SeaFoamGreen]

Caller:I was walking into whole foods and a woman in short shorts spit on my back.
Ron: And you did nothing? I'd be front page of the post next day. "Woman in short shorts found headless"

[JOHNNY HAIRDO]

On Fezzie's nephew:
"He looks like a jelly roll with a smile."

[TonyBagels]

(from tonight's show, about driving drunk)
I can pull it off. I've driven to San Fransisco and don't remember any of it.

[TonyBagels]

(FM, while commenting on the dinner between shows with XM execs)

...most jobs out there, my attitude, not helpful.
:clap: :clap:

[TonyBagels]

(since I did a short stint as a mover, FM)

After driving 20 hours, then you have to strap a refridgerator to your back.

[TonyBagels]

(FM, about the house in Freehold that got hit by a meteor)

Those damn teenagers are throwing rocks at the house again

[TonyBagels]

(FM, about Earl passing out at the previously mentioned dinner)

Exec: What's with him?
Ron: I don't know. He hasn't been feeling that good. He smelled Febreeze 3 months ago.
:icon_mrgr

[MilkmanDan]

Black Earl - "I dont remember being in the fetal position in the restaurant"

Ron - "Dont you remember when I said to Wiki, "Hey let me go over this idea with my fetus?""

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: You need to go see a therapist. Now break that down...the, rapist. Someone ***** you with a hamburger / chopped sirloin / steak-like material!!

[Arch Stanton]

I'm not gonna have a man in a dress talk to me about the 1980 World Series!

[bill333]

Ron to ESD: "You're bi-lingual?" "When was the last time you sucked a guys cock?"

[lilconnornorton]

ESD does his stupid wacky bit...

Ron: Let's take a break...

[Wilmington WOW]

I want you to apologise to Manny Trillo

[Wilmington WOW]

fainting goat
kilt boy
and Fez's final breakdown

I should be up for saint hood

[LiddyRules]

There was a line about Ron "smothering" Fez like an old lady remembering his glory days which got me crying.


"Was this black ghost running with his friends and couldn't get on a truck? 'Cuz you might have been watching Rerun on the TV."

[Arch Stanton]

FreeFM:
Listen here you Kilt wearing faggot. A guy has hot girls with him, you bring them in here.

[LiddyRules]

Caller talking about Sam Jackson berating him for doing bad at math. "I'd say Sam, you were a crack addict for 7 years, it's taking me some time to get my life together too."

[expungablerobot]

Two from yesterday:

"See I think the only time to hit a woman is when she's yours. You don't go around hittin other peoples' women. See I'm progressive. I believe women are equal. Get in the ring, honey. Get in the fuckin ring."

and

"You keep your fuckin whore nose, out of that product... because if she doesnt fuckin respect you, you think any of your customers will? and I know you've been fuckin blowin em anyway you fuckin whore, you'll blow anyone for two rails!"

[BigWilly]

"You keep your fuckin whore nose, out of that product... because if she doesnt fuckin respect you, you think any of your customers will? and I know you've been fuckin blowin em anyway you fuckin whore, you'll blow anyone for two rails!"

I laughed out loud at work yesterday with my headphones on again. I've gotta stop doing that.

[JimsNewHairDo]

Hey all,

Does anyone have an mp3 copy or link of the Matthew Modine Interview with Ron and Fez last year, or was it 05? It was great and I would like to hear it again. Got Matts book for Christmas, pretty cool.

Thanks,

JNHD

[TonyBagels]

(after Fez got fed up)
Normally when you point to your neck and sau you've "had it up to here", I think you mean cock.

[TonyBagels]

Dave: No, it's a kilt.
Ron: What?
Dave: A Kilt.
Ron: Really? You mean you can make ceramics in that?

[TonyBagels]

(FM, to Dave about Dave getting a 'x' as an sutograph from Jeff Goldbloom

Ron: You know I had that happen to me too. I meta aceleb who signed with only an X.
Fez: Really!? Who!?
Ron: Malcolm X

[TonyBagels]

(to Dave, from the replay of a best-of?, from the power-hour clip)

Drinking 5 beers is not like doing the iditarod. Which to you is porn.

:clap: :clap:

[TonyBagels]

(same replay of a best-of clip)

Dave: The mistake last time was that I did it on an empty stomach.
Ron: The mistake, last time, was your dad not pulling out of your mom. We've been paying for that since.

[opack1]

this is from a couple weeks ago when talking about the NBA going back to the leather balls.

ron: hey earl what does the N in NBA stand for?

earl: national

ron: oh jeez, earl next break remind me to call my father, I have to let him know he's been wrong about something!!!

ron bennington...the best ever

[LiddyRules]

From a couple nights ago:

Caller *with slow voice*: I spend 4 hours a day playing my kid's DS
Ron: Then what, eat vicodin?

[Vyce]

I laughed out loud at work yesterday with my headphones on again. I've gotta stop doing that.

That whole segment was hysterical.

Ron: "I'm gonna get on a plane and fucking finish this! I'm STILL pissed!"

[Garyisajoke]

And yes, I'm saying this knowing about the Incas, but we may be the dumbest race in history.

[Garyisajoke]

David Hasselhoff is in the German Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame. He's in there with Hitler.

[Standby]

"I swear to God, I don't know how I do it. Every day, a new gay joke."

[Wilmington WOW]

did come bubbles come out?

[shroomman_100]

"Tommy can you hear me? Tommy? Tommy can you hear me? 1-866-RON-0-FEZ"

Kills me everytime.

[earlshog]

and by blacks I mean black, latino, and low income whites

[expungablerobot]

^
[On Iraq] "I say we either pull out... or flood the place with blacks, and low income whites, to where you cant step outside your door without running into a black, or a low income white. because even in my family, you know what we're scared of? blacks, and low income whites."

[LiddyRules]

*On Global Warming*: I don't know if I believe it but I want to at least be open to it. I don't want to be the guy who's like "You're crazy Jor-El!"

*to a caller complaining about Ron's ny-centrism* "Denver? What state is Denver in?"
"Colorado."
"I have a map here, there's manhattan, brooklyn, then a whole lot of woods and L.A. No, don't see it. Wait, Chicago?"
"You don't know the rest of the United States. You think Ohio is in the west."
"Where?"
"Ohio"
"Some of these sound like made-up Indian names."
*A Couple of Minutes Later*
"I guess Denver is in North Jersey."
Also, Ron mocking caller: "You think New York is everything. But there's also Connecticut, Long Island and New Jersey."

[FAZ8218]

On FreeFM:
Woman caller: I used to work in a restaurant...
Mr. B.: I've got two radio shows.

[KAI]

On FreeFM:
Woman caller: I used to work in a restaurant...
Mr. B.: I've got two radio shows.




THATS FUCKING BRILLIANT!!! I love the genius that is Ron Bennington!

[MilkmanDan]

Ron to ESD

"Well I think its come to a close, this Board Gossip. First the puppets, kilts now this is done."

Esd - "Well the puppets were kidnapped!"

Ron - "What happened here, someone kidnapped your sense of humour?"

[LiddyRules]

*Clicky Language*
*A call from Nigeria! Also, Earl, pick up milk on the way home."

[tommytwobucks]

"You blew your guts all over my couch this weekend!"

Ronnie talking to Fezzie about following his 'gut feelings' and waking them both up with his queef. :icon_lol:

i miss buckeye fezzzz

[TonyBagels]

About domestic violence

Caller: Problem is you can't hit them back.
Ron: Yeah, 'cause then you'll never stop.

[TonyBagels]

Ron to ESD

"Well I think its come to a close, this Board Gossip. First the puppets, kilts now this is done."

Esd - "Well the puppets were kidnapped!"

Ron - "What happened here, someone kidnapped your sense of humour?"
Damn Canadiens and their useless "u"

[TonyBagels]

Yoko Barber

(discussing who's fault it is that Tiki's leaving)

[LiddyRules]

*If he were a cop*
Ron: If I were a cop, I'd go down to Chinatown, shake some of them down, break some things, they couldn't tell. This way I can remain a cop, a clean, honest cop.
Fez: They'd figure out some way to tell.
Ron: What are they going to do? Draw a picture?

And his new catchphrase: "I can't say. we're on the radio."

[FAZ8218]

Dave to Earl: You fucking black...
Mr. B. : I'll tell you what, I won't put up with racism... you fuckin mick bastard.

[NortonsHeiny]

Two Words "Leather Twat"

[DREW]

It smels like Saddam H. was left here along with James Brown

[KnitterRich]

"It smells like a mummy shit itself... like a real.. century old shit smell"

Fucking killed me.

[DREW]

Fez, luckly u f-n stinkin geneous

[KnitterRich]

"Maybe it's not you, maybe some smelly monkey fucked a corpse in here"

[KnitterRich]

"What'd you brush your teeth with? Cancer?"

Fucking stop Ron

[Standby]

"I think in some way, chicken wings can be considered a potato."

So simple, so fucking funny...

EDIT: Removing that line cause JD got it down...

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Ugh...smells like slave quarters in here.....I didn't say black slaves Earl! I coulda been talking about ancient Roman slaves. Though they happened to be black too...
Fez: Talk about being in the wrong place all the time
Ron: Earth!

Fez: It's like I've got a pink pirate flag on my arm
Ron: That's you alright...

[Jimmy's Dignity]

ESD: I agree Mr. B! I want us to do it down the middle and fair
Ron: Yup. Vote him out

[dilznick101]

"For a minute there I thought you were two-thirds of emerson, lake, and palmer.

I was going to go, 'well I guess I'll be Greg Lake'."


^if you caught this in context. I was fuckin funny. to me, anyway

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron, talking about the new Apple phones

Ron: Oh yeah, it's a phone, got a camera on it, can play music, you can perform abortions on people without them knowin' it....

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Yeah, but I'm stuck with you. Mikeyboy I chose to like; with you I feel obligated

[TonyBagels]

washington and lincoln-

Lincoln: You go first George, my head's killin' me.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

ESD: Let me remind you of another underdog, Mr. B.....Rocky Balboa. At the end of every movie, he wins.
Ron: What about the first one...ya fuckin' idiot?

Ron: I'm telling you, between both their callers & their comics, West Coast guys have no timing

Ron: Bronx Johnny, I noticed you weren't really talkative until Pitzy came in
BXJ: Yeah, I'm a little shy. I'm not all that articulate with my words...I'm better with my hands
Ron: So go pick fruit

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Ya know Dave, I'm pulling for you here. I want to you to pull this off tomorrow
ESD: Thanks Mr. B.
Ron: And when you leave the show, after being voted off tomorrow, I'm going to be as upset as anyone

Ron: I'm not gonna have a funeral
ESD: See that's kind of sad. I'd like to show up and do a reading
Ron: That's the problem

Ron: "Oh I love to give skull! I'll take it in the can whenever!!" You're making it out like you're different from every other girl, you're not.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Jay: C'mon Earl...it's like when you get anestesia. Everyone can get down to at least 90
Ron: I got down to 4
Fez: He just won't go out!




Jay: I'm like, do you hear what Bennington is saying? And my wife is like, "Yeah, but you know how the pauses make the symphony? Fez is like the pauses!"
Ron: Great. We're splitting a paycheck and he's the fucking pauses

[MilkmanDan]

ESD : My asshole hurts so much, you have no idea.

Ron : Fez Does

[Arch Stanton]

Free FM 01/11/2007

Ron:Hey, turn down your radio, caller takes a while, Fez asks, how far is that radio from him. Radio is turned down.

Ron: Now hang up your phone.

[SOS]

AND I have two radio shows...

[Vyce]

Ron: Bronx Johnny, I noticed you weren't really talkative until Pitzy came in
BXJ: Yeah, I'm a little shy. I'm not all that articulate with my words...I'm better with my hands
Ron: So go pick fruit

Holy shit, I didn't catch that the first time around. Fucking brilliant.

[westben2002]

caller: i was a medic in the army

ron: we'll I've got 2 radio shows

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Well we're off on Monday...it's Earl's Father's birthday or something...


Ron: We're going to lose him, cause his wife wants to move the glamour city of Philadelphia, or maybe a Trenton or maybe a Harrisburg

[westben2002]

(after ESD won the vote 11-10)

Ron: get me fucking Paul O, i'm pissed off

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Tenacious C: I could possibly take my first punch
Ron: If you want I can break your fuckin' jaw right now...

[ern]

Ron: I'm really gonna miss him. (not that funny, unless you don't like ESD)

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: You know Earl, I think it's because you're black! See, if you were white, you wouldn't care at all. I can hear it and won't even care. Sometimes I'll hear it just constantly again and again and again and all I say is "Mah, please! I'm trying to watch the game!"


Ron: Oh and by the way, it's a Styxx and Stones weekend on Q 104...
:haha7: :haha7: :haha7:

Ron: Earl, before you even think about buying a house in Pitzy's neighborhood, you may as well buy a nice pile of ashes...because that's all that you'd basically be buying

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Okay buddays, it's 866-Ron-0-Fez, 866-Ron-0...whoops, I'm at the other place


Fez: Well Tenacious C, the 5 years have been good to you
Tenacious C: Oooohh, thank you Fez. You doing anything later?
Ron: Eeehhh....lemme tell you, you're fishing with the wrong bait

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: We not only teach you radio, but we make a man out of you....a broken man

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: That's the first thing George Bush has to do. Bay of Pigs 2, then lift the embargo

[TonyBagels]

(from FM on wednesday, Mikey D call)

"You know what I love, here's Yvonne DiCarlo died today. Mikey calls and makes it a break all about him. You don't hear us bragging about our little league thing, 'and then I hit a triple and we're able to beat E&M Hoagies 6-4'"

[TonyBagels]

(from tonight's FM, about Earl not tippping because a waiter was pushing the special)
[said as Earl] here's my excuse not to tip, he's proud of his veal.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

(FM)
Caller to Earl: Typical Black!
Ron: Earl, I dumped out of that...and by that I mean sent him into the prize closet

[NortonsHeiny]

Po tells Earl to stay there after choking him out. Jay Mohr replies "Where is going to go Po, is he going to jump on the D train to Yankee Stadium?"

Ron- "No he takes the N-train"

I loffed and loffed.....

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: No matter how "off" it got you, no one would ever choose to put a wild animal in their ass!

[TonyBagels]

(Monday's FM)

If I was a dolphin all I'd want.. is a towel and a chair. I would just love to towel off and finally just sit down. "Cause no matter who you are, even if you love swimming, you've got to get out of the water once in a while.

[TonyBagels]

(FM MON)
Fez: Lutherens don't pray to Luther Vandross.
Ron: Hmm...it's odd
Fez: Pray to God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Luther Vandross isn't even part of the equation!
Ron: Then why don't you try to get Catholic. Why don't you try to get out of AAA and move up to the big leagues.

[TonyBagels]

(Monday FM)
No offense to Al Sharpton, I've still got him lower than Rerun.

[TonyBagels]

(Monday FM, after a swiss miss call)

What a surprise, a little German girl is talking about natural selection.

[FAZ8218]

To Earl...
"You know why things go over your head? Because you're always laying on the ground, you fainting goat!"

[TonyBagels]

(monday FM, about the swiss miss natural selection call)

Fez: I guess it works for her.
Ron: But does it work for Poland?

[TonyBagels]

(monday FM, about Earl wanting to be a salamander)

Let me guess what you'd like to change to...white. That's what you'd be looking for, to get to Manhatten, switch to white, and move on. Do you understand what a cry for help what you're saying is, on MLK Day? On Martin Luther King Day, you're sitting here and first thing you'd do is change your skin color? FOR SHAME!

[TonyBagels]

(Last FM MOnday, what can I say it was a great show, Ron's animal powers)

I wouldn't mind having the flounder thing of having two eyes on one side of your face. 'Cause I like to lay down on the couch and watch football.

[Legend of Snuka]

Ron (to Earl) - At least your notting getting chased by Lions...

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Caller Rich: Ron...worst bit ever. Who decided to do this bit?
Ron: What are you talking about? This isn't even close to the worst bit ever. Rich, this isn't even the worst bit TODAY!! This show is so bad that it's never the worst bit ever...

[Jimmy's Dignity]

talking about how ESD is like one of his "outside children"

Ron: I just look them in the eyes and say, "Calm down. Have a drink with your old man." That gets em all teared up. So we talk, and I ask them about their kids. I'd love to meet their children...just not them

[Jimmy's Dignity]

asking Earl if he ever asked "total hottie" Allison Stewart out

Ron: You ever ask Total Hotty out?
Earl: No...
Ron: Too busy loving cock?
Fez: :haha7: :haha7: :haha7: :haha7: :haha7: :haha7: :haha7:

[Wilmington WOW]

discussing hooty and the blowfish being a corporate band now

everyone who liked that song got a job in a cubicle

[Wilmington WOW]

when Nirvana started all the hair bands started crying because they were irrelevant

[LiddyRules]

discussing hooty and the blowfish being a corporate band now

everyone who liked that song got a job in a cubicle Dick, that was mine!!!

[Garyisajoke]

inequality for blacks

Earl: I mean, how many blacks have been in space?
Ron: I'm ready to send them all.

[jayroo69]

hilarious

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Midnight Rider: <something about Earl>
Ron: Anybody who doesn't like this bit is an asshole!

Ron: This is like "Bring your Daughter into work day." Mikeyboy has Baby Luv & I've got Sheepy
:haha7: :haha7:

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Don the Hypnotist: Well the Paranoia level was pretty high...
Ron: Yeah, well with cops being called in and people vanishing and the building breaking...yeah I guess that could do it

[WanderDukeCubs]

Ron: Anybody who doesn't like this bit is an asshole!



QFT!

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Caller: You guys need to fire this Midnight Rider asshole and fire Black Earl
Ron: You want us to fire the Midnight Rider? Fine, Ill do the vote off if you want; we'll just bring in the Macho King next week!!

:haha7: :haha7: :haha7: :haha7: :haha7:

[RNFFAN]

Midnight Rider: <something about Earl>
Ron: Anybody who doesn't like this bit is an asshole!

Where are the haters now :action-sm ? Ronnie rules! :clap:

[Jimmy's Dignity]

tonight's FM show...talking about missing limbs

Fez: You know, if I had a choice between getting the hook, which has some functionality, or one of those useless fake hands...I think I'd take the hand. If I had the claw I could only pick up little stuffed animals, if I was in the right position
Ron: Knowing you Whatley, you'd manage to pick up a butterdish even with that claw!

[Garyisajoke]

After Ronnie cued Earl to play a Beatles song repeatedly:

"Earl, hit the fucking music."

I got chills.

[NortonsGravyLeg]

Midnight Rider: <something about Earl>
Ron: Anybody who doesn't like this bit is an asshole!

:clap:

[Jimmy's Dignity]

talking about Earl's ridiculous dreams. Jay Mohr describes his own....
Ron: Why don't you take that nightmare Sapphire, cause you don't have any material of your own

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Okay, thanks a lot for those screeners Dave....Goddamnit, why am I the fucking worst at this?!? I can't wait for someone else to fuck up so I can just blow up at them

Fez: I was just reading this list and when I got to "Dukes of Hazzard," I saw that look in your eye
Ron: That look was glee, my friend! I just wanted to see how stupid Mr. Last Year looked

[FAZ8218]

To Earl:
"I've picked up girls at abortion clinics that came out peppier than you..."

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ronnie on O&A talking about Steve's stellar acting

Ron: It's like he lost his adrenal gland
Ricky Gervais: <hysterical laughter> I love it! That's one of the greatest excuses ever! [as Steve] I've lost my adrenal gland. "Where'd you have it last?" Well it was in my car, I was getting excited about something, but now it's gone. [/Steve]
Ron: [as Steve] There's a nail in my balls. I should take it out [/Steve]


Caller: Oh my god, this is the funniest show ever
Ricky Gervais: Oh? How's this different than usual?
Ron: Well I came in early, so that helped out...


Ricky Gervais: We're not all gay...that'd be libelous
Ron: Bi?

[mikek]

Ronnie on the O&A show (referring to the shitload of hate mail he's getting over Midnight Rider bit):

That's the beauty of XM. You can punish the audience in ways you could never dream of on FM.

[LiddyRules]

"This is not enough coke for the FBI to hire midgets and train them to jump rope!"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Jimmy: How long has it been since you've done coke?
Ron: Long time, I'm like you...all fixed
Ant: Yeah, it was essential to do in the 1980's
Ron: ....yeah, and the 90's.....and the early part of the Millenium

talking to Roland
Ron: C'mon...tell me what surprises you. Aside from your hairline...it's receeded during the show!

[MilkmanDan]

Ron to Roland about his Diahrrea

"Can you shit through a screen without touching anything?"

[Cromwell]

Well done, Milkman!

(And well earned by Ronnie)

[TonyBagels]

(from Last night's FM, about Coming to America)

Earl: That was filmed right by my high school..off of Queens Blvd.
Ron: Oh, I thought you meant the Africa scenes.

[TonyBagels]

(last night, FM, about dealing with winter blues)

Caller: Make a big pot of soup, make a fire in the fireplace, open up a bottle of red wine..You're good to go for the winter.
Ron: Now, I did, some nights, if I get myself depressed. Make a big fire, sit back, until I realized, I don't even have a fireplace.

[TonyBagels]

(last night FM)

Caller: Suck it up.
Ron: Where you calling from, Russia?
Caller: I'm calling from Brooklyn.
Ron: Oh, OK, same thing.

[TonyBagels]

(last night, again)

Dave: 3 Men and a Baby. That's a fun NY film and it's one of Ted Danson's finest. You don't get to osee him these days.
Ron: You want to be off this show? You don't want to sit in here? You want to go back to your cubby hole?
Dave: No, I'm just sayin'..
Ron: You're gonna bring up, that we're coming up with a hundred films..You're gonna come up with 3 Men and a Little Lady!?

[Jimmy's Dignity]

from AFRO during Worst Of

Sandy Kane: Just suck on it! If you get sick, you get sick!
Ron: That's what I said to Rock Hudson! Just suck it, you get sick, you get sick....

Paul O chews on Sandy Kane's ass-roid
Ron: I just poured bleach in my eyes, and now I feel better!

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Davey Jones has slept with more minors than Gary Glitter!!

Earl: I'm just going through a rough patch right now
Ron: What kind of patch? Don't say melon...

Ron: You're playing 2nd fiddle to a guy in a luchador mask & a girl's cowboy hat!

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: I want to do DreamEarl's...where Earl is exactly what I want him to be

[Standby]

On the lighter side of news, a man ran through a petting zoo today, punching the shit out of the animals.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Caller: What about fighting a baby killer whale?
Ron: Well am I fighting it on dry land?
Caller: No, you're in the water
Ron: In the water? What the fuck, why do I have to have a road game? I'm a fucking human, I don't need to do that shit!

[Wilmington WOW]

Ronnie on O&A talking about Steve's stellar acting

Ron: It's like he lost his adrenal gland
Ricky Gervais: <hysterical laughter> I love it! That's one of the greatest excuses ever! [as Steve] I've lost my adrenal gland. "Where'd you have it last?" Well it was in my car, I was getting excited about something, but now it's gone. [/Steve]
Ron: [as Steve] There's a nail in my balls. I should take it out [/Steve]


Caller: Oh my god, this is the funniest show ever
Ricky Gervais: Oh? How's this different than usual?
Ron: Well I came in early, so that helped out...


Ricky Gervais: We're not all gay...that'd be libelous
Ron: Bi?


Ronnie killed on O&A today.
He was defiantely more knowledgeable about Ricky
he knew Extras, his podcast and book,
that ricky loved the adrenal gland line

[Vyce]

Ron was on fire earlier today.

Anyway, from the Free FM show tonight, talking about Pittsy not knowing his father:

Ron: Earl, did you ever know your father?
Earl: YES, I knew my father.
Ron: Talk about one in a million!

[ChoppedLiver]

Ronnie on O&A...

Caller: Oh my god, this is the funniest show ever
Ricky Gervais: Oh? How's this different than usual?
Ron: Well I came in early, so that helped out...




:clap: :clap:

[Standby]

From the Big Ass Simulcast:

Fez: We're going save energy by turning off our Christmas lights and no AC at work.
Ron: Not me my friend. My Christmas lights are staying on. Year round.
Fez: Well you're not helping.
Ron: It's okay, I got 'em powered on woodchipssss...

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Well my first job was pharmaceutical sales...I was in "free-lance" pharmaceutical sales. I figured I made enough money doing that, and I didn't want to be tied down, in case I had to move fast

[MilkmanDan]

Earl - Ron, I dont have a poultry Vagina. I dont even know what that is.

Ron - Sure you do. I bet if I look down there it'll be a feathery Vag

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Sapphire, you know you can't just wait for an egg to come out of that little chicken vagina of yours
Earl: I don't even know what the hell that means
Ron: You do know where eggs come from, right?
Earl: Yeah, but I don't have a poultry vagina
Ron: You don't? You want me to take you down to the doctor and have it checked it out? I think you've got a feathery little chicken vagina down there

damnit...Dan you beat me

[LiddyRules]

Earl: "I'll definitely get started on that."
Ron: "yeah, definitely do that."

Also his cover of the Sanford and Son theme.

"I ain't gonna barefoot fight any of these animals, my mother didn't raise me that way."

[Sack of Chisels]

right at the beginning of the fm show.
(talking about bush's entrance at the state of the union)
"it took like a full 14 minutes for his entrance.. it was like seeing the sandman come in... he was just takin his time.. he's slappin five... he had a beer that he killed... everybody's goin crazy.. he climbed up a ladder and danced."

[Bit Wrecker]

Fez talking about a new pet peeve: So I go to the store and buy a loaf of bread.
Ron: I bet you do breadie.

[Standby]

Ron: I'm gonna put this in Wikipedia... black failure.

[Sack of Chisels]

like martin luther king, i have a dream. only mine's much hotter.. and nobody's gonna shoot me for mine.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: How do you get the cum out? Turkey baster?
Fez: I do not use a turkey baster!
Ron: Lemme just say one thing...turkey baster. Get all the cum out?
Fez: I don't have to get the cum out!
Ron: Ew. You just leave it in there?


Ron: So do you take turns? Or is there a top and bottom each?
Fez: I don't even know what you're talking about!!
Ron: Cause if there's gotta be a top, I'm gonna call that like it's bunk beds. If he says he wants to be the top I'd look at him and say, "Well then you gotta find yourself another 'mo to be with"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: So $500,000 to cut off your right arm. How much to cut off your left arm?
ESD: 750
Ron: So for a Million two, I can cut off both of your arms? I'm going to make a couple of phone calls and I'll cut your arms off tonight!


Ron: Dave, you know what group you would join while in prison? "Big Guy's Bitches!" You're going to make someone an ugly prom date

[buffcomic]

some one slap this BITCH

run earl run...and take a Basketball

[fezticle98]

To Earl: "Get out there on N-date..."

[MilkmanDan]

(Talking about good Muslims)

Caller : What about that chick from the Golden Child

Ron : I'd plaster a batch on her titties right now

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: I don't want to hurt anybody! You know why?
Fez: No...why?
Ron: Hippie! I'm basically a hippie!

[Vyce]

Ron: Watch your language, Earl. Children listen to this fucking show!

[Standby]

Ron: We have other things to keep us warm.
Fez: Like what?
Ron: Turtleneckssss...

[LiddyRules]

Ron: "We have other things to keep us warm?"
Fez: "Like what?"
Ron: "Turtlenecks."

Ron: You should see the Al Gore Movie.
Fez: An Inconvenient Truth.
Ron: Not that one.
Fez: Which one.
Ron: Vacation, he was hysterical in it, he played the father.

[jimmyolsenblues]

Ron: I fucking hate Saturn, those fucking moons, blow that shit up.

[Standby]

I hate all robots... I hate a blender. If I go to bed at night, I unplug the blender, I unplug the toaster.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Fez, know what I say to two junkies overdosing?
Fez: What?
<clang clang clang clang!!>
Fez: A winning cowbell??
Ron: Send that man into the Big Assed Prize Closet!


Earl: I owned every Billy Joel record
Ron: .....how black are you? You have every Billy Joel album, do you even count as being black?

[TonyBagels]

Ron: Isn't that the exact opposite of what you should be doing with your, ahh, heart thing? Stay away from noodles and and start going for the veggies?
Fez: Yeah I should, but I'm actually knid of hungry for lo mein now that we were talking about Chinese food.
Ron: Yeah, fuck living. Fuck the fact that your doctor's actually begging you to change your diet.

[TonyBagels]

Wouldn't that be nice Earl? One planet, one color, like my dream. The exact opposite of the MLK dream. My dream there was a little black girl and a little white girl, but they were both white.

[NortonsHeiny]

Referencing any racists comments that can be made about whites:
"Yes, you can say they are tax payers that went to the moon" So true Mr. Bennington, so true.

[Garyisajoke]

On Earl dipping his pen in company ink with intern Lilly:

"He may not shit where he eats, but he will eat where she shits."

[TonyBagels]

(from Friday's FM, Eatig at Smith & Woll)
Earl, was waiting in the alley. We threw him a meatball, out in the alley, 'cause it was a nice place, we couldn't get him in there.


(a bit later)

Earl, you were in the restaurant business, for a while, right? You used to put on a jockey uniform and stand outside the 21 Club? Remember, it was the old days?

[TonyBagels]

(Friday FM, about Earl owning every Billy Joel album)

How black are you?

[_GUNSLINGER_]

"I don't think there's a baby animal that can kick a Humans ass. I'm ready to go to a petting zoo just to prove a point."
That line killed me.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Even more than tennis, I'll tell you what Kournikova has changed for me....Russian pussy!

Ron: He's got a new e-mail...it's EarlDouglas@fuckyouFezzie.com
Fez: Aw man! I don't even want to type that in!
Ron: Google "Fuck you Fezzie"...at least 50 pages pop up


Ron: Okay, now Crotch? You realize that nothing happened because Paul was busy cheating on his wife! Cheating on his very sick wife of 30 years...

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Gail O: I don't know what it is that this girl does for you...
Ron: I got an idea!

[TonyBagels]

(FM)

Earl maybe we can call you a black cracker..blacker, wait that won't won't work.

[TonyBagels]

(FM)
Here's how women are: They're like the movie Highlander. They believe that there can only be one and they see each other and run at each other with swords.

[TonyBagels]

(FM, to Dave, after he tries to explain a sexual thing)
What is wrong with you, Bro? What is wrong with you? Do you not want to be here?...I don't want you to go with this. You don't know how to be on the radio. You don't know how to do it. You're like a caller.

[TonyBagels]

Can I quote Easy E to you Earl? Fuck the Police! Fuck! Fuck!

and he was talking about the British group

[thrawn42]

I hate to reiterate, but...

"Fuck the pohlice!"

[BroGonzo]

"I'm not impressed with Trump's Taj Mahal, but the original Taj Mahal may well be the flat-out nuttiest building in human history."

[BroGonzo]

Another gem:

(Discussing Ron's "smoke pants" invention)

Fez: I don't think I would need the elastic waist band. If they're made of smoke, they should be able to expand themselves.
Ron: Not enough. It's the Ron and Fez Show. (Goes to break)

[TonyBagels]

Fez: I am a disaster in the kitchen that's why I don't cook.
Ron: You're a disaster on the radio, but you're still here

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: I try my best!
Ron: Really? Now I'm startin to fuckin cry here...

[TonyBagels]

Ron: By the way, do we have any Chinese food back there?
Earl: Umm, no.
Ron: What oes on, in here? This is the worse kitchen in radio.

[Standby]

Earl: No Chinese food, sorry.
Ron: What the fuck? Earl, this is the worst kitchen in radio...

[LiddyRules]

Ron *to Earl*: "One of these days I swear to God I'm going to cut your fucking heart out for the way you taunt me."

[LiddyRules]

"I honestly think it was JFK that knocked that ball out of Tony Romo's hand. If not him, then little John-John in that short suit."

[TonyBagels]

(about best retarded roles)
Caller: How about Luca Brazi.
Ron: He wasn't retarded, he was (said slowly) ITALIAN.

[TonyBagels]

(from yesterday)
We may have to get rid of Earl, Rider, and Dave. Clean the whole house.

[Standby]

(About Mary Kate Olsen...)

It's like fucking a praying mantis. And who doesn't want that?

[Jimmy's Dignity]

(talking about the Olsen twins)
Fez: She's all eyes!
Ron: So sexy...fucking her would be like fucking a bug! Be like fucking a Praying Mantis, and who doesn't want that?

damnit FS!

Ron: The Tony Romo song! For my friends down in Dallas...ya murderin' bastards! Every time your team loses a championship, I believe that there's an Irish angel smiling down from up above

[TonyBagels]

(FM)
Now you were a tomboy growing up? Now it's called lesbian.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

(FM)

Ron: I've got my own Skippy from Family Ties story! I'm down on the Boardwalk down in Atlantic City, just walking along. I look down the way and there's Skippy fighting with a seagull over the last french fry! They're goin back and forth and then the damned thing takes off with it!! Be right back, Ron & Fez...

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: If I could go back and give Kurt Cobain one bit of advice..."Muuuurder-suicide. Muuuuurrder-suicide, Kurt!" He's the lucky one, he got away from her and we're still here suffering

[LiddyRules]

Ron *to Fez about getting HTG on the show*: Just like I wouldn't fuck it up if you were with Jason Schwartzman.

I don't know why but that made me laugh. (It was referring to Fez's crush on Nick Swardon)

[Standby]

Ron: I could do NPR if I just stopped saying "fuck" all the time.

[tommytwobucks]

fez walks in to his diner and they yell, "fatty needs his pancakes!"

i miss niagra falls, ontario, canada fez

[Jimmy's Dignity]

FM - talking about high/drunk foods

Caller: Ronnie, whenever I'm high I totally need a full 5 course meal! Soup, salad, appetizer, main course and desert!
Ron: Why is it that I think for you a five-course meal is a basketball team darlin'?

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: I'm going to say that Paris Hilton is the Helen Keller of fucking! I've seen some of those movies, and she just doesn't get it

[Standby]

Ron: I don't want you disparaging that carton of fries, Fez. It's what the cool kids are watching. And you know what they're having for lunch?
Fez: What?
Ron: Cigarettes.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Isn't it weird that even when a woman's telling you that she's leaving you...you still kind of want to see what's on tv?

[JeepJeep]

Ron: Isn't it weird that even when a woman's telling you that she's leaving you...you still kind of want to see what's on tv?
Ronnie's a one-liner gold mine. :clap:

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: No, you see you don't realize that the Rider knows something that you don't...and that's that he's a pussy repellant! He couldn't get pussy if I gave him an ounce and a half of blow!
Midnight Rider: Well Ronnie B, that's a bit of an exaggeration
Ron: If anything, it's an understatement....


Caller: What about "The Break Up"? I think a lot of guys would admit to liking that chick flick...
Ron: You have a vagina. 866-Ron-0-Fez, 866-Ron-0-Fez...


Ron: Dear Steve,

You owe me $200 and I hate you for what you've done to my partner. And you've ruined The Office. Your Friend in Jesus.....Ron

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: I'll get the first round...
Ron: You'll pay for the whole thing or else I'll announce how much you make. I'll announce how much you make and these guys will stare at you like you're Julius Caesar and just want to stab you to death!

[Garyisajoke]

Ron showed a different side today and I'm loving it. Ron sounded very irritated.

After Lilly started to talk over him:

"Can I speak? You know... the day I need help from an intern..."

[Garyisajoke]

During the FRED recommendations - hey, who's that guy who came up with FRED again? Why do I have to always go home with an empty bag, Earl? When's my beak going to get wet?

Fez: It's a space documentary.
Ron: No, that's a Spock-umentary.

[TonyBagels]

Love the line from Wednesday's FM show -

Earl: What, I'm not black enough for the show?
Ron: You're not black enough for yourself!

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Ughh....after hearing all of that, aren't you glad you chose cock? I bust on all of you guys for not having a woman, but after hearing that, it almost looks like you made the right choice...

[Haeder]

"With your sperm, the most you can offer her is a stillborn."

[TonyBagels]

(about Baby Love)
And since she's a girl, we don't have to worry about Fez molesting her.

[TonyBagels]

(baby love's with Fez)
It'd be great if we can get her to say, "No. No. Bad Fag."

[LiddyRules]

*On Fez holding Baby Love*: You look like a gypsy stole a baby.

[TonyBagels]

AcksGrl: Is that a bruise or ink.
MikeyBoy: That's Magic marker.
Ron: Yeah, sure it is. You don't know how many times I said that to the cops.

[MilkmanDan]

Fez holding baby love

Ron - "You look like Poopdeck Pappy holding Sweetpea. Its really uncomfortable. Hold her like she's a cock"

Anthony - "Take her out of your mouth though"

[TonyBagels]

(about Fez's diner boycott, from Thursday XM)

You eat like a bird...a Pterodactyl!

[TonyBagels]

(about the Rider's breakup)
Know what I like? That here you are, at the worst time of your life, and you still have to wear a girls hat and a yellow mask.

[TonyBagels]

(about the single guys going drinking after the FM show, Thursday XM, to Fez)


Talk to them about your experiences with women over the years. You'll be out of there by 9:01.

[TonyBagels]

(Thursday XM, to the midnight rider)

Now I have a motto about people coming on the show. You either have to say a joke or be a joke. And so far, you haven't told any jokes.

[TonyBagels]

(Thursday XM)
caller: I just want to remind the Rider that Wackbag always wins in the end..
Ron: Yeah, but you see, this time you picked a fight with a retard.

[TonyBagels]

(Thursday XM, about Bronx Johnny having a boom box)

That fucker is a walking boom box..You wonder why they stab each other? It's too loud!

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: I think it was when he found religion...when he turned Jehovah's Witness and was going door to door up there in Minnesota
Ron: He's always been like that. Even if you listen to his stuff from the 70's it was all about Jesus and buttfucking...

[TonyBagels]

(thursday XM, about Fez bringing up Splash as a romantic comedy)

A guy fucks sushi and Fez is sitting in the theater crying.

[TonyBagels]

Ron: The Rider knows that he's a pussy repellant. He couldn't get pussy if I gave him a fuckin' half ounce of fuckin' blow and seven thousand dollars. He still could not pick up pussy. It's just not his way.
Midnightside Dave: That may be overstating it just a tad.
Ron: No, not even slightly. I may even be understating it.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Dear Tony Dungy,
Congratulations on the Super Bowl win....finally. Ha Ha

ps> Do you realize that you belong to a religion that would burn your son in fire for eternity?

Your friend in Christ,
Ron Bennington


I love his little letters

[Magaman]

Ron on Katie Couric
"It looked like she just got fucked on the beach"

[MilkmanDan]

Sapphire : Now I'm getting auctioned off to the highest bidder for this?!

Ron : We're going Oldschool.

[ChimneyFish]

"I know you. You're a brick shootin' motherfucker." - Ron to Earl on him coordinating the upcoming event

[Jimmy's Dignity]

FM - talking about your teams...

Ron: You don't have a choice in your teams! You're lying there in your basonette and what you see on tv, that's your team! You think I WANT to be a Phillies fan? That's like getting a foot cut off as a child! I'm hobbled by my baseball injuries...



Caller: So I've got all this Rutgers stuff and people are like, "Oh yeah? Well tell me who was on the team a few years ago!" I'm just like, "Dude, I've been a fan, I went there, I got drunk at 8 in the morning -"
Ron: Wait, I got drunk at 8 in the morning, does that mean I'm a Rutgers fan? Is that all it takes?

[TonyBagels]

(FM, last night)

Caller: Her family doesn't like him, that's a big one...
Ron: Here's the odd thing, MY family doesn't like him. They're BIG fans of comedy...they're like, "Can't you get somebody funny on your show?"

[TonyBagels]

(FM, last night, to Cowboy fan caller)
This Dallas team, that you love so much, they killed JFK. They Killed him in the street and then covered it up! That's what I think of the Dallas Cowboys.

[TonyBagels]

(FM, last night)
This country's been molested by Dallas!...Lord, please don't be so easy with these people.

[TonyBagels]

You don't get to sit there and cheery pick these things. 'When I went to 9th grade, my teacher was a friend of Billy "White Shoes" Johnson, so I became the world's biggest Houston Oiler fans, and then when they went to Tenn., I became a fan of the Titans.

[TonyBagels]

(FM, last night, to Dave)

You lived between NY and Philly, you should be a fan of the Hershey Bears.


Let's tell the truth, you're from Central Jersey. You're nothin'! You don't have a team!

[TonyBagels]

(FM, last night, obviously he was on fire)

Friends a Garcia..you know what it means

[TonyBagels]

(FM, last night, to Dave)

You're the worst kind of person. And honestly, Dave, I hope the Midnight Rider kills you in the ring..JUst kills you..Right There!

[TonyBagels]

(FM, last night)

Dave: in the second half, when I was allowed to watch the super bowl. I was saying, "We" with the Colts.
Fez: You're stealing someone else's team!
Ron: That's a bandwagon jumper. You're not sincere. You're not real. You should never have said you're a Giants fan. You're not. You said, "we", with the Colts. You're nothing! That's why you don't have a girlfriend! And your job's going no where!

[TonyBagels]

(FM, last night, about the scene in the Titanic when the mother's comforting her children before they die, to caller who saw it while expecting a child)

That changes all movies, too! When you start having kids and then you think to yourselves, "I'm never gonna get another peaceful night's rest."

[TonyBagels]

(FM, last night)
What about you, East Side Dave, when did you cry..when you found out that your hair was gonna stay like that?

[TonyBagels]

(FM, last night, to caller who said he cried when South lost in movie North & South)

That was the one that made us laugh and laugh, up here. Just think about how easy it was, you know? They thought they'd have their own country. And we just swept in. My favorite part of that and I think it was one of the funniest scenes in the movie, was when they burn Atlanta to the ground and they go, "Let's keep doing this all the way to the sea." They don't make movies like that anymore.

[TreeFortRichard]

xm yesterday "Maybe the lord can focus on the middle east now that he has taken care of the colts winning the superbowl"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: So is that based on the Bible?
Fez: No, it's not...
Ron: Earl, what's today's date?
Fez: It's Februrary 6th, Ron
Ron: Okay...February 6th..."Fez says Bible is bullshit."

[MilkmanDan]

Fez : "They're not gonna split your lip, that's some pair of balls!!"

Ron : "How often do you yell that out..."

[frago]

UGH That fuckin Lip <sigh>

Looks like the fucking Badlands!

[Arch Stanton]

Smoke some guy's dick you don't know when it's 15 degrees out........Rider, I want yo to follow him around.........

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Ugh...is that...is that aborted fetus? Did you eat aborted fetus?
Fez: No I did not eat aborted fetus for breakfast!
Ron: Your ass smells worse than the hippo cage!

[LiddyRules]

Ron: I sent my hockey skates to Africa.
Fez: That probably didn't go well...
Ron: Actually, I got a letter back. "Got your hockey skates. Killed a zebra with them."

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: I sent them my old hockey skates...over there to Africa
Fez: They're probably just sitting there
Ron: No, I got an e-mail from them. It said, "We got your hockey skates...killed a zebra with them." I'm really happy, I sent them my skates and I just think about some kid just kicking the shit out of the a Zebra

EDIT: Damn you Liddy!


Fez: An Israeli company is working on developing a flying car and is hoping to have them out by 2010.
Ron: Great, just what I need...Jews flying over my head! All of my problems and now I have to deal with Jews flying over my head

[JOHNNY HAIRDO]

FM tonight, to Earl:
Ron: What does your family do for Black History month, steal each other presents?
Earl: No we do not.
Ron: Well, I don't know my parents raised me caucasian.

[Maynard K]

Ron: That fuckin' ashtray's a boomerang.

[TonyBagels]

(last night FM, to Dave)
I don't think there's any other option for you but suicide.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

O&A Worst Of.....Earl meltdown after fucking up the Grammy audio from last year

Earl: You should see my phone and bathroom door...
Fez: Shit all over it?
Ron: You shouldn't ever wipe your ass with your phone or your bathroom door



Opie: Earl, I'm talking to you as a friend, not the asshole who runs the radio show.
Ron: Difference?
Opie: Slightly
Ron: Cause I know both of em...and I think you're worse off the air!

[LiddyRules]

"'I love the Rider but I hate Dave.' Oh my god, I'm going to fear for you Earl."

[Jimmy's Dignity]

While reviewing Earl...

Ron: I'm hopin' cock-size comes up Earl! I think that's where you can really surprise us


Ron: EARL!! I got shot during a liquor stor robbery! I had a bottle of Jack & some morphine and I TOUGHED IT OUT!!

[TonyBagels]

Yesterday's FM

I don't have the exact line, which is a shame, maybe you can help with it..

'chelle: You'd think the PR people would have something to say about it.
Ron: Come on. They're not all PR's. Some of them are Dominican, right Earl?

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Caller: I've never seen A Clockwork Orange guys
Ron: Yeah, I've never made it past the **** scene in that movie. Every time I hear "Singin' in the Rain" I still get wood

[LiddyRules]

Ron: *To caller with 3 legged cat* “I guarantee you the kids in your neighborhood says your house is haunted.”

Ron: This one time, a friend of mine has these orange barrels so he buys a thousand and he starts putting them in some foil and we're going through this whole thing and he's like “What the fuck?” He's tripping, the orange, the ink a little bit got into his fingertips and all of a sudden he starts tripping his ass off. And he's sitting there thinking this is a business deal going down so now he got a thousand hits of acid and about $3200 from something else sitting on the table. And he says to me “I can't fucking believe this, I'm tripping.” So I'm trying to think of what to do. I take my gun out, I put it on his forehead and say “put the fucking acid and the money in the bag and nothing happens to you.” And then I was out of there.
Fez: That was you helping the guy out?
Ron: No, that was me helping myself to his acid and his money. And then later I found out that same guy got killed by his dealer.

[JOHNNY HAIRDO]

Caller:"I'm a recovering heroin addict."
Ron: "I got two radio shows."

[TonyBagels]

Yesterday XM, about Gone with the Wind

Now, I don't want to give away the end, but I'll say one thing, We win. And in the end it comes back to haunt us..Earl works for us.

[TonyBagels]

XM, about Fez's back hair

Let me take you to the Jersey swamps, take a picture of you, and see if I can pass it off as Bigfoot.

[little e]

I don't know how everyone missed this one from yesterday, but when Ron was talking to Earl about how many women he had slept with, he said 5. Ron asked him if they were all white...

Earl: They weren't all white.
Ron: How many were?
Earl: 3 to 2, white.
Ron: Okay, so you've been with 3 women.
<Fez steps on Ronnie's line>
Earl: Wait, what?

I pissed myself. Well done Mr. B.

[LiddyRules]

*To his kids on Anna Nicole Smith's death* "I'll never forgot the shock on their little faces when I told them no dinner tonight. I was all jacked up on trim spa, I couldn't eat anything anyway."

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: I have a pair of shoes...well they're more like boots. Steel tipped boots...
Fez: Uh huh...
Ron: And I tied the shoelaces together....I had just gotten my kids a puppy
Fez: Yeah...
Ron: I just started swinging them around...just started beating the puppy with them
Fez: Yeah, it's so sad
Ron: Now that I look back on it, it was two days before Anna Nicole died.
Fez: Yeah, these days are going to just blend into eachother
Ron: Yeah, it was the drinking...

[dilznick101]

Fez: They won't have her to kick around anymore.

Ron: Well actually they can kick her around for a few days before they bury her.

[peopleselbow]

"Name her Baby Trim Spa."

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: Earl, are you gonna give it to her?
Ron: Than's going to
Fez: Someone's giving it to her tonight...



Earl: There's nothing I can do! I can't fire her for who she sees
Ron: You're a vagina with size 12 feet!!!

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: How old is this baby anyways?
Fez: Umm....5 months old
Ron: You could roll this baby down the aisle at any pharmacy and it's mouth will just start going like Miss Pac Man...eating every pill in sight. And if she gets to one of those dots...she will eat those ghosts

[LiddyRules]

On the the death of Anna Smith and her son: "Mysteriously died...or smothered by a baby?"

"I know I'm in the minority here but I think that baby should be put down. We can't have this happening to another generation."


Every line spoken today about Anna Nicole Smith and the Smith baby was fucking platinum.

[Gyp]

2-9 Re: Earl liking Lilly
"He's like Cyrano with the big fuckin' nose. But instead of long it's wide."

[Midnight Rider]

(To O&A) Always the price you pay for selling out

[DarylPryor]

"I like a black chick where you gotta knock the flies off her face"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: I like the South Africans...they're like Nazis, but with better weather!

[DarylPryor]

bahahaha, the only thing earl wants is a tiny white cock

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Okay, welcome back to the Ron & Fez show...if you're just joining us you just missed an on air abortion. We just lost East Side Dave & the fetus...his puppet

[mikek]

Ron to Fez:

You could be a priest: You like eating dinner at others' houses, you like children, and you like secrets.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

on O&A, while asking Earl what songs he can play...

Ant: Paint it Black?
Ron: Comma. Paint it comma Black. Paint it, Black!

[jimmyolsenblues]

Ron: it really comes back to something else. She fucking somebody and it ain't you, and that drives you fucking crazy, she used to fuck you , she said liked fucking you who she's with now , who exactly is she with now and that my friend you better get your ass to a shrink,cause you are going out of your mind you are going to do something dangerous, you are going to go over there to cut her break cable, you are going to fucking hit somebody in the head with a weightbench that doesn't need to be hit, because you are out of your god damn mind.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

either J. Dubs or El Jefe: The big story was that yesterday some kid got sodomized with a drumstick
Ron: A drumstick? Chicken? Turkey? Like a chicken leg got shoved up his ass?

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: So here I am, after having gotten this retarded kid laid, I took that $140, got myself half a spoon and spent the rest of the weekend out of my mind! Then there was another time when I tried to make him feel like all of the other kids and I gave him a plastic gun and sent him into a liquor store. I don't really want to talk about that though...lets just say that perhaps the guy behind the counter doesn't know the gimmick, and sometimes they have their own real weapons...

[Jimmy's Dignity]

:haha7: :haha7: :haha7: :haha7: :haha7: :haha7:
oh PLEASE tell me someone caught all of that live-read for I-57. I only got parts

Ron: So Fez, you said athletes use this stuff? I was at a track meet once and I saw a pole vaulter run down and <Bang> dove straight up 16 and a half feet. Then the Judges came down and told him, "Hey, next time you do this, you've gotta have the pole in your hands."
Fez: <continues plug>...with this special herb from Brazil
Ron: Brazil or Columbia?
Fez: Brazil.
Ron: Huh. See what I would do is chop it up, <snort> each side. I'm already cutting mine with <something>, not to make more money, but just to chill it down
Fez: That's I-57!



Ron: I'd rather have Hitler sitting behind me on a plane instead of teenagers
Fez: But he was repsonsible for the Holocaust!
Ron: Not to people like me he wasn't....

[Garyisajoke]

During a live read for a lacross game of all places:

Fez: something about cheerleaders
Ron: Let me put this out there - let's keep the cheerleaders away from the team. I mean, they're lacross players. I just don't want to see anyone get hurt.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: I can talk about things that I see every day, right Al?
Al Dukes: Yeah, you should be
Ron: Cause I need to be able to say 'Dog's asshole.'

[Midnight Rider]

(On the promotion girls being worried becuase Earl is going to FreeFm angry)
Tell them the truth..some black men r@pe.

[MilkmanDan]

(Ron to Sheepy)

Ron - "So how far did you ever get with a chick?"

Sheepy - "3rd"

Ron - "oh Asspipe?"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Sheepy: I thought we were just gonna make out
Ron: She did...with your COCK!!

after it comes out that Sheepy didn't finish

Ron: Oh yeah, it was late, cause we're all too tired to cum then!

later on...
Ron: You should just jerk off into a mayonaisse jar and send it to her. "Here, this is what you missed out on!"




Ron: I love Big A...he has the best advice for everyone
Fez: What are you talking about? All he said was 'Hang out and get drunk!"
Ron: Yeah, but it's all in the way he says it. The way you say it it sounds like shit

[user name]

Hold on... the reviews are comming in

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Caller: We aren't that far away from having robotic football players like in the Jetsons
Ron: Maybe that means we're not too far away from my dream, monkeys with robot brains. Taht's what I want. Speaking of which, have we had any word from Earl?
<raucous laughter>
Ron: What'd I do? What did I do wrong?

[MrUgly]

OH GOD! RONNY'S IMPROV FOR THE I57 COMMERCIAL IS FUCKING HILARIOUS!

"Efedra? Fezzy, it's better than Crystal Meth!"

LMFAO

[Hidden_Rage]

Fez : Truman wanted to drop the bomb on Berlin.
Ron : Truman wanted to drop the bomb on St. Louis because his girlfriend lived there!

[blee]

The I57 commercials are awesome!!
"I can now hear the color purple."
Ron - Is this stuff legal?
Fez - Yes it is completely legal
Ron laughs loud in between saying it is legal.

[ChoppedLiver]

Ronnie laughing madly in the background on those reads is priceless !

[underdog423]

"Axl lost his last colonel when Buckethead left."

Ronnie is upset that Wackbag is missing his lines on the FM show. So come on guys, don't let Ronnie down.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

talking about Fez's Autism...

Ron: You're going to be the Magic Johnson of autistic people....and by that I mean HIV Positive

Ron: Earl, you've gotta have more opinions of your own. There are threads all over the place saying that
Earl: I have my own opinion!
Ron: Oh I know you do, Smithers...


Ron: If Earl was saying that "I was thinking about it," but didn't make any of the calls, would you think that he's doing the job?
Fez: No...
Ron: And you want 49%??
Fez: 48%?
Ron: Well we're moving in the right direction...I'd like it to pick up speed though

[LiddyRules]

*On Fez having Assburgers* "What do you want me to do? Cut up his hot dogs and keep his chocolate milk in the same place every day?"

[MilkmanDan]

"Look at Ant sitting there drinking a beer, living it up... I want to go home and slap my kids and yell "You're eating it all up you fuckers!" "

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Dave: I don't hit women...
Ron: When you don't hit women, you get a house that looks like Frenchie's!! A filthy place with a child running around who hasn't been fed!


Ron: What's wrong with doin 2 rehabs?
Fez: Well I think you should at least have to stay for one day, if not 30 or 90!
Ron: Why? All it is, is you go in sit down and they say "Hey...no drinking." Then before you get your jacket back on on your way out, "One more thing...no dope!" That was the one that got me....

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Talking about the Mills-McCartney divorce...

ESD: She was a prostitute! You guys aren't taking that into your equations
Ron: HE WAS IN FUCKING WINGS!!!

[LiddyRules]

*Talking about Lenay's asian friend Cindy* "When your friend Cindy asks for a lice tea, don't scratch your head over some tea. She means iced tea."

*After shivving the bitch Sabrina* "And tell them, 'I got another if any of you want to dance.'" and "Remember, no kid wants to die."

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Some rube came up to me and asked, "Why do you have crosses on your head?" So I looked at him and said "It's to keep the vampires away! You're in New York City now...."


talking about not showering at night & keeping the Ashes from Ash Wednesday
Caller: Ya know, after hearing this conversation, it makes me really glad I'm Jewish!
Ron: Don't be too glad, Germany is getting stronger every day!! And they haven't forgotten!

[Jimmy's Dignity]

talking about whether or not to tell your buddy that his chick hit on you...


caller: See, I've got a 3 part system for this. The first time, you don't tell your buddy. The 2nd time, you tell him. He probably won't believe you. The third time, you hit it cause you've gotta teach him a lesson and show him that she's just a whore
Ron: And when you do get with her...you've got to CRUSH it. Not only that, you should really probably tape it just to prove it to him

[Arch Stanton]

Ron: Would you date a girl like Shelle?
Fez: No
Ron: What if she was a guy

[Absolutely]

Lenay and Ronnie talking about how Lenay can't be in radio b/c she's a girl.
Ron - It's a man's job
Lenay - Well, the Radiochick is doing it
Ron - Mmmmm Hmmmm.......

I also loved the Lice Tea line

[TonyBagels]

(from 2/13 XM, catching up now that I'm back in the states)

Jefe used to be married to a black woman. So Earl, he did what you've never done: fucked a black chick.

[TonyBagels]

(from 2/13 XM, catching up now that I'm back in the states)

Now he said he went out with a Thai chick; which by the way, beautiful fucking women. I went out with a Thai stick for a few years. :clap:

[TonyBagels]

(from 2/13 XM, catching up now that I'm back in the states)

regarding Earl:
He is the Earth 2 size queen. He wants a 1" white dick.

[TonyBagels]

(from 2/13 XM, catching up now that I'm back in the states)

Dave: I'm not gay, Ron.
Ron: I saw your girlfriend ..(pause).. small man. :haha7: :haha7:

[TonyBagels]

(from 2/13 XM, catching up now that I'm back in the states)

You know until the time I was 17 I thought Cy Young was Chinese. I was like, who's the Chinese guy with all these wins.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: So with this Busta Rhymes arrest it makes you wonder...which hip-hop guys get in the most trouble?
Ron: All of them...

[MilkmanDan]

BANOF

"Fez there's an Intern here, he's never heard you sing that song he's never heard it. He's way younger then you, he's like 40"

[Hidden_Rage]

Crowd : Faggot, Faggot, Faggot, Faggot, Faggot!
Ron : They spotted Fez.

[thegreenninja]

setup: Ron talking with tattooed chick about the ink soaking into a baby from the mother
Fez: "yeah, the baby would come out blue"
chick: "Aww, I want a blue baby!"
Ron: "We had a blue baby once, it didn't work out so well."

Fucking beautiful line. My stomach hurts, I laughed so hard.
Just one example of the radio gold that my hero, Ronnie B., creates every day.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Mikeyboy, you're a lawyer, right? How much would it cost for Fez to adopt a baby? Even a little black one..
Fez: Yeah
Ron: Cause I was talking to some of my friends and apparently it costs like $140,000 to adopt a white baby.
Fez: Well that's a bit out of my price range
Ron: I heard that when you adopt a black baby though, they give you $14,000.




Ron: Everytime I see a baby, I want to steal it! I must be part gypsy...



Ron: Hey Earl, this freaking you out? A man holding a baby? That just doesn't happen in your community...

[Jimmy's Dignity]

hahahaha....talkin bout Baby Luv

Fez: Mikeyboy is making just lots of beautiful babies
Ron: Have you seen his wife? Hell, I could make a cute kid with her...
Fez: Well there were rumors...about 9 months ago
Ron: I know, I started them! I couldn't get that girl with a bag of coke!

EDIT: Ooooohhh....1,800th post in this thread!

[Hobo_Cum]

jimmy's dignity, does ron actually use that many exclamation points? seems like most of his funniest lines are delivered completely deadpan... just sayin :)

[NortonsHeiny]

On the replay he simply said that he ought to punch Dave right in the throat and I loffed and loffed.

[TonyBagels]

Gail O: You know how much I love Paul. I'd give him both my kidneys.
Ron: And both your kids.

:icon_eek: :icon_eek: :icon_eek:

[TonyBagels]

(about Gail and Paul)

I think they're gonna work it out.

[TonyBagels]

(from the 2/14 AFRO show, about 'talkies')
Ant (in ole tyme voice): A lot of people say that its a fad, but we hope that it takes off.
Ron: No, that's my partner.
Ant: No, I said fad.

[Absolutely]

We've all been drunk, but you don't grab people's dicks. - Mistaa B

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: That's not a scene from Cops, Earl you under a kiddy pool, that's a scene from Cops
Earl: Well all the people on Cops aren't black
Ron: No, they're all black or hayseeds...which in my family is the same as being black. Not you hayseeds listening...the other hayseeds. Your neighbors, who look and act just like you

[mikek]

ESD: She gave me a mandate.

RB: A mandate is what you & Big A have lined up. He'll give you $40 to suck his cock.

[MilkmanDan]

(Ron imitating Chefside Claire)

"Oh Cheffy, I know whats on the menu, its Cum and a Brown finger"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: She just puts her finger in her mouth, after all the cum was in there. "Oh your ass tastes so good!"
Dave: Oh Mr. B...the visuals
Ron: "I know what's on the menu, fresh cum & brownfinger!"

damn you Dan!


Ron: He did what all of us would do. He mouthfucked this little thing until he was finished

[LiddyRules]

"Todd you're on the Ron and Fez show."
"It's Fezzy!"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Coptic, what is that?
Caller: It's Christians from Egypt
Ron: Christians from Egypt? What's that, strapping a bomb to your chest and running into a church? Flying planes into buildings isn't Christian

[little e]

On Free FM, to Dave after getting caught up thinking about whether children pop in his head during sex...

Ron: Stop. I'm going to ignore the fact you got caught up in a cul de sak of logic and move on.
Dave: ...okay.

[EvilHomerJ666]

My post stunk I removed it and will save it for a later date.

[frago]

"Todd you're on the Ron and Fez show."
"It's Fezzy!"

Win!

[Garyisajoke]

After your chick has an abortion:

Ron: Ever on the ride home have you asked for a blowjob?

[ichi_gami]

ron: he said ecuador was like puerto rico without a beach...
don "wicky" wicklin: well, that one i agree with...

[Jimmy's Dignity]

When Dave essentially attacks Fez to keep him from getting in the door....
Ron: Dave, you've never been part of a bit before, and you don't know how they work.




Ron: Fezzie, I need you to stay calm and let Bronx Johnny aim something at your neck
Fez: No!! It could be a heroin needle knowing him!
Ron: In that case we wouldn't be giving it to you...

[little e]

Talking about shitting on listeners...

Fez: That was an accident.
Ron: No it wasn't, you were crouched over him giggling.

[little e]

To Earl, after Earl is told that if he is going to lie, say he's part white...

Ron: Look at him, he knows he should be offended but he doesn't know why

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: So Big A...Israel-Palestine...what should we do?
Big A: Uuuhh...b-b-b-Bomb Palestine
Ron: :haha7: :haha7: Big A, shockingly a hawk! I guess White Supremacist Big A

[Hidden_Rage]

Ron : Now what was wrong with your lungs?
Fez : I have Bronchitis there
Ron : Now what happens there?
Fez : My lungs are all filled up with fluids..
Ron : Cum?
Fez : No, Not Cum
Ron : I always thought he was gay

Fez : It's always trying to walk around with 2 water balloons in your chest
Ron : Like you got a tit job.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: I got blown off by Bill Daily at The Fishhouse!
Ron: Aren't all of the restaurants down in Tampa fishhouses?
Fez: Yeah, you basically have to just choose which fishhouse you want to go to
Ron: I went there one night for some lesbian entertainment and it wound up being an actual dining establishment...

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: You probably have a calf of golden Cheddar that you worship in your apartment!
Ron: I'm starving.....we got any cow cheese back there?
Earl: No, we don't
Ron: Hmph........okay, then I'll just take some bee honey

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: We never found out who was under that mask!
Ron: Yeah we did, it was Dave.
Fez: Oh

[LiddyRules]

*With Rider leaving*
Fez: And we never found out who was under that mas k.
Ron: Yeah, it was Dave.

[TonyBagels]

Ron: That's not a scene from Cops, Earl you under a kiddy pool, that's a scene from Cops
Earl: Well all the people on Cops aren't black
Ron: No, they're all black or hayseeds...which in my family is the same as being black. Not you hayseeds listening...the other hayseeds. Your neighbors, who look and act just like you...
...but don't listen to XM radios.
:action-sm

[TonyBagels]

from 3/1/07 XM

(to Dave, Fez out sick)
I can't believe it's me and you having a conversation. I can't believe this is where my career is.

[TonyBagels]

from 3/1/07 XM

(about Westside)

Dave: She doesn't like me.
Ron: None of us do!

[ChoppedLiver]

Fez: We never found out who was under that mask!
Ron: Yeah we did, it was Dave.
Fez: Oh


LINES of the fuggin YEAR !! :clap:

[thegreenninja]

Talking abut white dogshit:
Caller: "It's petrified shit!"
Ron, without missing a beat: "scares the hell out of me!"
great.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Sarah: Ronnie, I've been on so many dates that are just dinner and a movie
Ron: Sarah, you've been on so many dates that are just a black guy, a high five, another black guy, another high five, another black guy, another high five, another black guy, another high five, another black guy, another high five,

[little e]

Ron to Dave after talking about losing his plant 'plantie' and light bulbs in the breakup with Westie:

Ron: You are the only guy I know that lost $24 in a breakup.


AND


To the caller saying she thought the connect 4 idea was great and had been on a ton of dates that were just dinner and a movie:

Ron: You're dates are more like, black guy, high five, black guy, high five, black guy, high five, black guy, high five....
Caller: Thats so wrong.
Ron: You are what we call a conductor.

Very nice Mr. B.

[Gyp]

I thought it was hilarious last week when Fez was trying to get in the studio and Ron said something like-

"Dave settle down. I know this is the first time you've been part of a bit but just calm down a bit."

[thrawn42]

And I won't point out the significance of this statement but...

Ron: "Fuck Sony."

[pmoney316]

I wish I was paying more attention. But Ron's reply to 'how to take down Mike Tyson' referring to Wizard of Oz rhyming 'I'd hit him with a bison.' gave me a good laugh.

[yvj]

Paraphrase from Free FM

Fez: My problem with the St Pats parade is that they're not enough floats. Just a bunch of marching

Ron: I think its great. A bunch of cops walking around with the same face. It's like the Clone Wars.

:icon_lol: :clap: :haha7:

[ChimneyFish]

Talking about West Side's "mandate" to Dave:

"A mandate is what Dave and Rob were on."

[little e]

Ronnie says we're slacking on the lines of the day.

Are there any other boards that copied the gimick, or was that directed to us?


P.S. The only reason why I joined wackbag (instead of just reading it) was to be emailed Ronnie B's line of the day. Ant talked about it on OnA last year and I signed up just to have the email sitting in my inbox to read with my coffee. It's the right way to start the day.

[little e]

Rapid fire after talking about winning the lottery.....

Ron: The first thing you hear is F U Watley comin' out of my mouth....

Ron: I may just take 3 mill and beat you to death with it (to Fez).

Ron: Most of it will be spent through a straw.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ronnie says we're slacking on the lines of the day.
Are there any other boards that copied the gimick, or was that directed to us?

P.S. The only reason why I joined wackbag (instead of just reading it) was to be emailed Ronnie B's line of the day. Ant talked about it on OnA last year and I signed up just to have the email sitting in my inbox to read with my coffee. It's the right way to start the day.
:( I think he was talkin about us. Glad you joined up based on this though :icon_mrgr


Planty!
Ron: Hey Dave, you know what they say about Planty 2? They said that Planty 2 is going to help ESD turn over a new leaf
Ron: Dave, stop thinking about Planty, you're going to turn Planty 2 Green with envy!. Earl, write down every thing I'm saying here, see if you can get them up on Ron Bennington's Line of the Day....but I gotta be honest, I feel like it's really slacking off
Ron: Dave, just let Planty 2 help you get to the root of all your problems



Lotto

Ron: If I hit the lottery, first thing you'd hear is a big FU Whatley right outta my mouth. You wouldn't ever hear me on the radio again....
Ron: Now that I think about it Fez, I think I'd just take 3 million dollars and beat you to death with it



off topic, we got slacking cause I got chastised at work & TonyBagels was busy stealing himself a baby from Ethiopia :rolleyes:

[little e]

Mocking what everyone in studio would do if they win the lottery, he picks on Fez for wanting a building named after him....

Ron: The Fez Whatley Dinner Theater and Bowling Ring.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Mocking what everyone in studio would do if they win the lottery, he picks on Fez for wanting a building named after him....

Ron: The Fez Whatley Dinner Theater and Bowling Ring.
Ron: You want to name a building after you, that's the most unrich rich person thing to do!!

from this afternoon....

Ron: Hey, if the fish hits, it's good bait!

when talking about Westside (aka Planty) taking all of Dave's shit
Ron: Did she take any of your ham and eggs?

Ron: You're the only guy I know who lost $24 worth of stuff in a break-up
ESD: Hey, She took a really nice chair! It was from IKEA
Ron: Yeah....$24

[Absolutely]

If it actually went down, the best lines ever said on the RnF show.
So close to earl quitting, dammit.

Ron: Hold on, hold on. Wait, he's quiting. Earl, are you quitting again?
Earl: Naaa, he seems to want to undercut me at every turn.
Ron: So you quit as executive producer.
Earl: No
Fez: So Close!

[little e]

To Dave after talking about his sword fight....

Ron: Hold on, hold on, you're not telling the story right. Rob was 7, you were 24 (Ronnie laughs)

Ron tried to school Dave on either the XM or FM show (can't remember) about delivering a line deadpan and how much funnier it is...but I'll be damned if the best lines aren't the ones where Ronnie cracks up delivering them...

[Absolutely]

Ron tried to school Dave on either the XM or FM show (can't remember) about delivering a line deadpan and how much funnier it is...but I'll be damned if the best lines aren't the ones where Ronnie cracks up delivering them...

That was today when Ron said something like "Comedy is all about shock and the element of surprise, you can't surprise yourself unless you're so (something) that you don't know what the other half of your brain is thinking"

In response to some awful line Dave said and was laughing at. However, I've said and laughed at what I'm saying or while I'm saying it and not consciously thought of doing it while or after I said it. So who knows.

[jimmyolsenblues]

Girl Caller: "I have been on some dates".
Ron Bennington: "The only dates you have been on have have been, A black guy , high five, another black guy , high five, another black guy, high five, another black guy. Honey, when we talk about the train, you're the conductor."

[jimmyolsenblues]

Regarding Dave losing $24 to his breakup.
Jay Mohr: "Hey Dave, I had a break up and I had to write a check with two commas in it, cry me a river".

[TonyBagels]

That was today when Ron said something like "Comedy is all about shock and the element of surprise, you can't surprise yourself unless you're so (something) that you don't know what the other half of your brain is thinking"

In response to some awful line Dave said and was laughing at. However, I've said and laughed at what I'm saying or while I'm saying it and not consciously thought of doing it while or after I said it. So who knows.
Here's the line:

Hey, you know what funny people always do, though, ahh deadpan the line. That way, you let others laugh. Because, when you start laughing, it looks...the whole thing about laughing is, aahh, you laugh from surprise. That something surprised you. It was either clever or shocking, and it makes you laugh. So there's no way a human can surprise themself, unless you're so fucking pathological that one part of your head doesn't know what the other is doing.



A comedy gold nugget of wisdom and a Dave bash at the same time. Ronnie B rules!!

[LiddyRules]

Caller: The only consistent thing in life is change.
Ron: Yeah, sometimes bumper stickers help.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Change is good! Head west young man! My family made it all the way to Chester, Pennsylvania and stopped there. About a good day and a half in from the coast and they stopped...


after talking about dates with some southern caller

Ron: Okay, here are some dates I want you to remember. 1861 to 1865. 1861 to 1865. You remember that asswhuppin? 866-Ron-0-Fez, 866-Ron-0-Fez.

Ron: 1861 to 1865! Those are the years I want you to focus on Hayseed!!! [as Hayseed]What's he talkin about? I just don't get it. (later) It ain't over yet! We're only in the 4th quarter! We're gonna 4th Quarter it!!! [/Hayseed]

[TonyBagels]

(regarding ESD's upcoming date)

Is he gonna blow this? Absolutely

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Okay and after "Fuck it!" I want you to write this down...
Fez: Alright...
Ron: 1861 - 1865. And under that write, "North 1-0." I think we could have won in Vietnam and in Iraq without those guys

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: And let me tell black people this...it feels great to cum on tits! Pull back, aim for the face! You don't need to keep going for 18 years...


Fez: Where did you sit at the family table during Thanksgiving?
Ron: Right between my dad & my brother...hits from both sides for my fucking table manners! One time I pulled my knife back and said, "I will cut your fucking throats if you won't just let me fucking eat!"


Caller: So when my dad is talking sports with my brother he gets excited, they have stuff in common. But whenever I talk to him it seems like I just bore him
Ron: Yeaaaahhh....but I'm getting the same thing here.



Caller: My dad was the type of guy who would always get into fights with people who didn't like the Mets
Ron: Wow...he musta fought a lot
Caller: :haha7: :haha7: He really wanted me to grow up and be on the Mets
Ron: Then he shoulda moved you to the fuckin Dominican Republic!

[TonyBagels]

(about Dave pretending to be John Lennon)


....and later that night, get shot!

:haha7: :haha7: :haha7: :haha7: :haha7: :haha7: :haha7:

[Garyisajoke]

Ron: "Mitch, You know who says 'Bro's before Ho's?' Guys who suck each other's cocks."

[TonyBagels]

(about the bros before hoes thought)

I have never made a friend better than a blowjob
JD might be right with "I've never had as good a friend as a blowjob"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

(about the bros before hoes thought)

I have never made a friend better than a blowjob
phew...I was trying to remember that exact line. :clap: :clap:

Ron: Oh there it is...there's the headline on Drudge: "Old Jersey Slut Dead"


Dave talking about going out on his date with an "Irish Drinking Team" sweatshirt
Ron: How are you going to go on a date with broken ribs? Cause I'm going to punch you in the ribs

[MrUgly]

From today's live read for I57 Ignite

"This stuff makes Crystal Meth look like Koolaid"

:clap:

[TonyBagels]

(from FM last night, about the combination of numbers 1-2-3-4)

Fez: {fez adds the numbers} 10.
Ron: And who was in the movie 10?
Fez: Bo Derek.
Ron: And what does Bo know?
Fez: Sports.
Ron: Who has an album called Sports?
Fez: Huey Lewis & The News.
Ron: And what was he called as a kid?
Fez: Huey.
Ron: And what were Huey & Louie?
Fez: They were ducks.
Ron: (whispers) duck
Fez: {COWBELL CLANG!!} OW!!
Ron: If you would have paid attention, you would have known. If you hear those numbers, duck.

[TonyBagels]

another great quote, oddly enough came from Blowhard

"You know something Dave, your third rate WWE gimmick isn't gonna work with me."



-edit- I put it in this thread by error, sorry.

[TonyBagels]

last night there was a quote but I didn't note if Ronnie or Fezzie said it and I wanted to put it in the respective thread, any help?

(to Dave, practicing his date moves on Elan stand-in, PitZ)

Dave, you're not even attractive enough to get PitZ.

[TonyBagels]

(last night, FM to Dave during his practice moves on the big date)

...that's flop sweat. It smells like the Devil Rays in here.:haha7: :haha7:

[TonyBagels]

(again FM, Dave's practice run)

Dave: I'm so nervous.
Ron: Whay are you nervous? Who's the Big Cheese?

[TonyBagels]

(FM, Dave's upcming date/romance)

Our boy is finally growing up on us. He's finally heading to first base. If anyway, let's hope he walks or gets hit by the pitch.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Oh Fez, let me tell you, if there's one thing I hate in this country, it's truckers

Nick Swardsen: I'll invite you guys backstage! You 14?
Fez: Uhh..a little bit older than that
NS: Okay, well you got both legs?
Fez: Yeah!
Ron: He's got 3....

[little e]

ESD saying he's from the same state as Jay Mohr.

Ron: what are the chances there? 1 in 50?

Edited to add:

A few seconds later...

Ron: Hold on a second, don't step on Fezzie's laughter.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

ESD: Yeah, Jay Mohr...he's not returning my calls. We're from the same state
Ron: What are the chances of that? 1 if 50?

Dave steps all over Fez's laughs
Ron: Dave stop and let Fezzie get his laughs out! Ronnie B throws out a lot of lines, he'll be doin it a lot

[little e]

Fez saying Earl took care of him with his rectum...

Ron: Rectum...almost killed him.


PS You may love us Dave, but we hate you.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Whenever I see you take 2 drinks it's like I'm watching you die!

during the slapboxing...
Ron: Oh my god you hit Lilly! You hit a white woman! There's going to be a lynching!

[little e]

Talking about Rapp's buildings..

Ron: I don't know if you play monopoly, but all his buildings are on Baltic Avenue.

What doesn't Mr. B know (besides Fez's favorite actors)? How he remembered the cheapest property on a Monopoly board and worked it into a line...

[little e]

Caller: What does Fez drink when he's eating tubesteak?
Ron: The chowder.

[little e]

Caller: What about, not regular cheeseburgers, but mini-burgers?
Ron: A short beer. (right into another topic)

I don't know why, but the speed and timing made loff.

[TonyBagels]

(about the upcoming date)
I think Casey is gonna think she's dating the other sister.

[TonyBagels]

Caller: What about, not regular cheeseburgers, but mini-burgers?
Ron: A short beer. (right into another topic)

I don't know why, but the speed and timing made loff.
It's the deadpan delivery too!

[LiddyRules]

Ron: "What was the name of that movie?"
Fez: "Bagger Vance."
Ron: "I've been saying it wrong..."
Fez: "Bagger, Bagger"
Ron: "What I got to do is take down that marquee sign because that's going to lead to trouble."
Fez: "I don't know why you ever put it up."

[jimmyolsenblues]

Ron: "60 dollars of hoagies that tasted like shit, I am gonna have to double down on Benito's".

[LiddyRules]

*After getting filet mignons*
Caller (Mark): Ron, you're forgetting, you're Catholic, no meat on Fridays.
*See Me, Hear Me plays*
Ron: Hello? Mark? Can you hear me?

[little e]

Talking about Dave trading up...

Ron: ...you can see her with an Arabian Prince, you could see her with a drug dealer...

[little e]

To Fez who would rather find the next dead sea scroll rather than a new dinosoar...

Ron: You tell a woman, hey I named this animal after you...your gonna get some.

[little e]

Dave saying that if Casey dated Tony Reali he would throw his stool right through the window and jump...

Ron: You'd throw your stool through the window? Disgusting. Be right back, Ron and Fez Show.

[little e]

That I57 live read was too long to capture, but Ronnie hearing the future Fez eulogy and laughing at the funeral was pretty good.

[little e]

Dave: If she comes to New York, I'll be the happiest... (strugles for the word)
Ron: ...girl alive.

[JOHNNY HAIRDO]

From the other day:
"Say what you will about Bono, but the guy would suck a dick for those Africans."

[TonyBagels]

You take the money out of it, there's nothing to be proud of having a TV show

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: There have been times when I'm in the shower, find out that someone used all the shampoo, and I wanted to shoot myself right there

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Caller: I got a great success story...you, Mr. Ron Bennington! You should be dead or in jail but look at you now, you're at the top of your profession!
Ron: But let me tell you this...I'm not done yet. I get really jinxy whenever anyone says, "Ahhh, life is good...

[Wilmington WOW]

Friday Night Lights is basically the O.C. with an occasional tackle

[little e]

Caller tells Ron his pick is a Baptist school and God is on his side:

Ron: Neil, pray with me please. Dear Jesus, I got so much money riding on this, please let Belmont beat, as you call them, those Godless N's from the schools. In Jesus's name we pray, amen.

[TonyBagels]

Ron and Fez show, some of the worst bumper music in the business.

[little e]

Ron: I hate guys who are like, 'this guy was like a father to me.' What do you fuckin' need a father for? Uh, the only time the father figure thing works out is when a chick is into it. Hey, uh, Paul, Paul you're on...

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Have you guys seen this Sarah Silverman show? She's playing a straight-up retard. I don't get it...I watch it and I'm like, "Holy shit, I'd fuck a waterhead!"

[Zeroman]

"If Jesus came back today, he would throw up in his mouth...."great line

[little e]

Fez: I don't think I need to be treated like the King of England.
Ron: I didn't say King, I said Queen.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

during the I-57 Ignite read, Ron beats up Dave

Ron: Thanks I-57 Ignite! You've turned me into a killing machine, be it with a cowbell or with my thumb...

[little e]

Ron talking to a female caller from Westchester:

Ron: You need good service because you have 7 inch nails...

[aromain]

Ron: How about the guy that created Mad About You, how does that guy stay out of the shower with a shotgun.

Ron: Alot of people think...i'm gonna wash my gun's hair, condition my gun's hair and make a nice little day out of this...

[little e]

Ron: I have a problem with buffets. I have a problem with buffets or any place that says discount sushi.

[little e]

Ron: Allright, I think he got a deal. $56 million's not bad when you got a billion. I do have a problem with the joint custody. I do not like seeing the kid after the divorce. I think it's better that they think of you as the mystery man. I don't want to be spending all my time at Chuck E Cheese on the weekend.

[little e]

Ron: I know Bowie has done very well for himself. VERY well. He could go out and screw up a one legged marriage, too, and not have it bother him.

[little e]

Ron: Why can't you kill yourself slowly the way I been doing. Just constantly try to kill yourself through pleasure. Endless amounts of pleasures, one after another. And in a way everyone's like, well he wouldn't give up. Everyone told him not to, but he keep's going on.

[little e]

Ron: You know why most people the reason why they kill themselves?
Dave: No money.
Ron: To get out of fatherhood. Most of the times they kill themself just not to talk to the kids anymore.

[little e]

Dave: I don't want to go out like the chick in million dollar baby.
Ron: No, I plan on million dollar babying you. When I was watching that, I saw myself as Clint and you as that chick.

[jimmyolsenblues]

Ron on Iran's being mad about how Iran was portrayed in 300.

Ron: "Hey Iran , make your own fucking movie instead of bashing one of ours, make your own."

[TonyBagels]

Earl, you know me, I don't have a prejudice bone in my body..unless it comes to dating my kids

[PartyRockCoat]

Ron (on I57): I can hear Fez's eulogy.


Oh, and I read an earlier post about getting the RBLOTD emailed to you. I was wondering how one would go about doing this. Danke.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: I heard "Be My Baby" before the backhands and I thought it was shit! It was a lot better after the beatings
Earl: I heard that when he gave her the divorce settlement, he paid her in nickels
Ron: Yeah....lucky he didn't pay her back in lead.

[TonyBagels]

Dave (about the upcoming date): and Friday we can maybe go out and drink.
Ron: Let her see the dark side, huh?

[TonyBagels]

Fez: Winning isn't big for Jesus.
Ron: He won the hearts and minds of most of the whites on the planet. (and some blacks Earl, don't get upset)

[TonyBagels]

(to Dave)
I like it the old way, when you were with that other girlfirend. When you would come in here with shame, from what happened the night before. When she would put the strap on on...

[mikek]

Ron: Buddah could beat everyone but that 10-armed Indian elephant god. What's his name, Fez?
Fez: Vishnu?
Ron: God bless you.

[westben2002]

Ron: Buddah could beat everyone but that 10-armed Indian elephant god. What's his name, Fez?
Fez: Vishnu?
Ron: God bless you.

beat me to it

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: I think I'd start small and just sell elderly people pens that are really low on ink...
Ron: What I'd do is I'd take out a large life insurance policy on you and then it's nothing but pork, 3 meals a day
Fez: And I'd totally fall for that too!


Fez: Are there any people that you just don't trust-
Ron: Blacks!!
Fez: ...people that you just don't trust on first sight?
Ron: Ohhh.....blacks

[TonyBagels]

(to Earl, about buying an expensive lunch for everyone)
Ok, go large on this thing. I'll crush you.

[MilkmanDan]

"Excitement Video! It's a great place to go to meet other gay guys"

[LiddyRules]

Ron: "I need some senior celebrity to just blow yours out of the water. Is Johnny Carson still alive?"
Fez: "Nope."
Ron: "Shit"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Fez keeps his wallet in his front pocket
Fez: It's so I can keep it safe
Ron: I thought you had an excited square dick!
Fez: I wish!
Ron: I bet you do...

[TonyBagels]

(Friday FM, about overnight radio, quote is not exact)
Lou Paite: Even the daytime guys looked down on the overnight guys.
Ron: and the record guys too. You’d have to go to the music director to get some coke, “Hey, I think I should share in this too.”

[TonyBagels]

(Friday FM)
I hate everything that lives underwater. And that includes you, dolphins!

[timmykidd2104]

Caller: In Louisiana they already banned smoking in any buildings
Ron: Well nobody should smoke underwater

[little e]

Caller says they are worried about kids seeing you smoking outside a bar:

Ron: I see a fucking kid walking by on the sidewalk I'm gonna flick a butt at him.


Caller who works for cigarette company informing Ron and Earl most menthols are bought on the East Coast:

Ron: Ken, thats all you had for us?
Caller: Thats all I got for ya, man.
Ron: Allright, go back to the death business. 866-Ron-0...


On Phil Jackson saying that even if Jesus was on the team they couldn't win the championship:

Ron: Well, I know for a fact, Jesus Christ really didn't go to the boards. There was something about him, I don't know whether he was afraid of injury, but he would not mix it up...


On Jesus in sports:

Ron: What I would love to do if I was the ref, at least once, I'd have to blow the whistle and yell Jesus walks...


Caller saying that Jesus was one of the best shortstops in the game:

Ron: Again, that's blasphemy, and I don't want to put up with, but if anything I think Jesus would have played centerfield. And I'll tell you something else, it'd be where triples go to die.


Discussing the Travelers and Ron's facination:

Ron: We are all used to lying, but we never get to lie with your whole family.


Caller: ...but you always see the women ones, they all look the same, there's blonde hair ones and dark hair ones, but they have the same, almost fetal alcohol syndrome face....
Ron: Hot.
Caller: ...and they dress up little girls...


Caller: First one is guys with pony tails...
Ron: The thing with a guy with a pony tail, you always know where to get coke from. Anytime you're gonna see a guy after the age of 25 with a pony tail, always is okay with the sniz. Uh, Brandon, you're on Ron and Fez.
Caller: Yeah, I don't trust people in wheel chairs
Ron: I don't always beleive them either. I like to test them a little bit. I like to put a pen in their leg. Just to to make sure. If they belong in a wheelchair I don't have a problem with it, but I don't like lazy people just using wheelchairs for that.


Caller saying that if anyone is rioting at the end of the week, its the Irish:

Ron: That's not a riot my friend, that's a parade. 866-313..


Earl trying to defend rappers in the Rock-n-Roll Hall of Fame:

Ron: Only one rapper belongs in the Rock-n-Roll Hall of Fame....and that's Eminem.


Ron using fake French with Dave (Twochicksinthebed):

Ron: I studied abroad. And uh, when I say a broad, she was really fantastic.


As Ron is giving Dave advice on how to get HTG and Casey in bed at the same time, right after the "Hey, wouldn't it be funny if you two started kissing" line, he tells Dave to break out a bindle, which I assume he meant a little baggie of drugs and not the hobo bag on a stick (although that would be a radio safe way of saying cock and balls):

Ron: Hey, the next rail is coming off of here.


I called in to ask Dave if Casey was dating anyone else because her paltalk cam was asking Dave if he liked leftovers. After Ron explained the joke to him, Dave reveals he is in love and will do anything she wants:

Ron: You are ready to be a cuckold, if you will, where you are waiting outside for her.
Dave: Yes.
Ron: Wow, this girls has really got you.
Dave: Oh yeah.
Ron: Enough that you are ready to drive her to other dates.

[LiddyRules]

*On Fez's terrible therapist*
Fez: I want her to feel a little more pain.
Ron: A little more pain? I'm literally going to leave her without the use of her legs.

"Leave her *****. Let her sitting there wondering what she said to you that lead to a gang ****."

[Midnight Rider]

I'll say your name when I cum

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: You wanna get in on this :rap:?
Fez: No, I've seen her...
Ron: That won't stop me one bit. Fez, how many times have I told you that :rap: isn't about sex and you still never want to get in on it?





Caller: You should have "your people" call them up and say you want to eliminate this without drugs and they'll teach you how to identify the triggers
<Ani DiAnfraco>
Ron: You know, I think they're only cause part of his anxieties
Fez: Triggers! He said triggers!
<Ani DiAnfraco>

[little e]

Talking about Dave serenading Neo on paltalk:

Ron: I believe Neo is the one.


On Fez being turned away by the shrink:

Ron: The problem is you're a jumper. She knows it, she felt it, but...
Fez: In 20 minutes?
Ron: Beleive me, I was with you for 20 minutes and I wanted out...


Ron saying that Fez is unhelpable

Ron: Earl, get me a fucking clothesline. I'm gonna tie him to the front porch and we're just going to keep him here at home. There's nothing we can do about it. He's unhelpable...


After Fez says at least Ron isn't trying to hide him, Ron yells at the neighbors:

Ron: You're family's so perfect? You don't have a retard in it?


On why the therapist wouldn't take him:

Ron: You know what this is, Fez? This is some ham and egger school who doesn't want to put USC on the schedule. That's all it comes down to. She doesn't want to ruin her one loss record with you coming in there...


Fez says he doesn't want to join in on the **** because she's not attractive:

Ron: How many times do I gotta explain to you that it's not sexual. That **** is an act of violence. I tell you time and time again and you never want to join in.


On Dave saying he doesn't remember if he was abused as a child:

Ron: I wonder if that would hurt your abuser to know that you don't even remember. That would kill me.


On learning Paul Newman is half Jewish:

Ron: Unbelievable. Now I know...greatest actor ever. Never once did I see him act Jewish.

and

Ron: Believe me, if you're half, you're all. Like I told Earl.


After androgynous June hangs up:

Ron: Wow, man or woman. 866-RON-0....



<MODEDIT> Please consolidate your posts...

[little e]

After a caller got under Ron's skin for being mean to Fezzie, Ron tries to console a weeping Fez:

Ron: What do we care Fezzie. So what, you're retarded. Who isn't. Look at Earl. Look at Dave.

On a side note, who doesn't get that the only person who can pick on Fez is Ron, because he KNOWS him? None of us have that personal relationship. Light hearted bowl of gravy jokes are part of the show, but attacking anyone will incur the Wrath of Ron (WOR), which coincedently is how the hayseeds pronounce war....

[jimmyolsenblues]

Ron: I think every woman after sex would like to make their man a big dagwood sandwich. I would say, "Don't forget the chips", cause sometimes you want something salty on the side.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: No one told me that in this therapy I need to be honest with Todd from New Jersey!
Ron: What about being honest with Todd from Florida, huh?

[RMPGP]

i57 ignite - when i took it i killed my neighbors animals - it brings out the coyote in me.

[timmykidd2104]

Ron: So when's the next Than and Sam show?
Than: It's Sam and Than
Ron: Really? Why change it up? Why not put the funny one first... that's what me and Fezzie do.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

ESD: Well I've been saving up pretty big
Ron: Yeah...cause we all know what a woman wants; a huge wad of cum


Ron: You said that with your last chick, you only got it up 50% of the time. Which, you know, I've seen her and I think you're a stud for getting it up that much!

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: The unread, unwashed, and inbred! That's who's going to love your show
Sam: Backbone of America!
Ron: Yeah, sister-fuckers will be calling in all the time and love your show

[MilkmanDan]

Ron : "It's the Ron and Fez show, just kick back, have your "I love Fez" urine bottle and listen to the rest of the show""

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Caller: I just can't stand this ungrateful cunt Lilly!
Ron: I gotta disagree with you there...I think she's a very grateful cunt

[TonyBagels]

The Greatest Thing On The Internet!!!

[Elliot]

How about when Earl was talking about the guy's dad and he said "Well, Tennessee, you guys are related to each other."

Good one.

[jimmyolsenblues]

Topic: Movies in 24 hours
Caller: What about falling down
Ron: Falling down is basically how I walk home everyday

[MilkmanDan]

Caller - "What about the movie Falling Down?"

Ron - "That's basically me coming home everyday, it should be called the Ron Bennington story"

edit - Bah Jimmyolsen blues !

[TonyBagels]

In honor of Ron honoring the thread:

(last night FM, about Dave's upcoming date, to Dave)
Where you're going, sooner or later there'll be an error and you'll advace to third.

[TonyBagels]

(FM, regarding to a shooting outside a comedy club and the comedian keeping people from going outside)

Hassan: Am I a hero?

Ron: I'd say no, mainly because I listened to the rest of the set!

[TonyBagels]

We'll play it again, but I worn you, if you have children around, it is Hassan's comedy.

[TonyBagels]

I-57 read

..that's what I do. I double down. They call me Double D, Fezzy, for double Dose.

[TonyBagels]

Hi kids, it's Ron Bennington from teh Ron & Fez show. Fez & I want to talk to you I-57....Hi kids, it's Ron Bennington.....Hi kids, it's Ron Bennington.....Hi kids, it's Ron Bennington.....Hi kids, it's Ron Bennington....

[TonyBagels]

Ron: As you know Fez, I went to George Mason.
Fez: You went to George Mason?!?!
Ron: Went to a Bowie show there.

[aromain]

Ron: I always wanted them to end up together, no offence Earl but the thought of Mia and Marcellus...(pause) just makes me sick.

[little e]

From the 3/14 FM Show

************************************
Talking about the grand jury indictments:

Ron: If Shaun Bell was white, obviously he would have been home sleeping hours before. He would have had work the next day.

*************************************
Asking Crazy Jen about what super hero she will be:

Ron: Tell me the truth, are you going to be Mongoloid Girl?

**************************************
Talking to Dave about the bases

Ron: Do me a favor, for all the guys on the show. And we’re gentlemen too. You get to 3rd, don’t wash your hands.


Side note: I’m going to vote me for worst line of the day. It wasn’t even that good of to begin with, but Ronnie did a great job with the setup. Right as he goes to me on the phones, my business partner walks in with a stack of tax forms and I forget my line and turn into a stammering idiot. I ban myself from calling in for a while.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

hahahahaha

Ron: You know, this is really romantic! How many digits did you get in?




Ron: So you didn't finish?
ESD: No, I refused to
Ron: You refused to finish from a handie, nice. Strong man
ESD: We decided that we're going to wait until Saturday for anything to happen after the Wheelchair concert
Ron: My only hope is that you get hit by a bus

[LiddyRules]

*On a large therapist challenging Ron to a fight*
Ron: "I said come on down here. I have short red hair and no eyebrows."

[little e]

From the XM 3/15 Show

***************************************
Ron: I never took you for a dater, I thought you were married to the booze.
Pepper: Well, it’s an open relationship.
Ron: I see, by open it means you can suck other cock.
Pepper: Uh, no.
Ron: Okay, maybe it’s not as open as you want it to be.

****************************************
Ron: Well at least Fez, I think, is a completely different person off-air. I can’t begin to tell you how funny he is. And I say very little. I just sit there and go, “uh huh…yeah.” It’s like a guy with a talkative wife.

[RMPGP]

"HI THIS IS RON BENNINGTON FROM FREEFM"
"HI THIS IS RON BENNINGTON FROM FREEFM"
"HI THIS IS RON BENNINGTON FROM FREEFM"
"Are we on the air yet?"

best live read ever....

[sd187]

referring to choking women during sex:
"when they cant breathe, i can"

[little e]

From the FM 3/15 Show

**************************************
Lady letting her little kid say hi to Fez:

Fez: Who’s this?
Caller tells her kid to say “This is Violet”
Dead Air
Ron: I’m guessing it’s Violet, Fez without even knowing.

**************************************
From the 8m15s live read for I-57, with RayBan and the Titans being mentioned:

Ron: These RayBans give me the focus and energy that I need to make it through the day. I’ve painted my house 42 times since I started wearing RayBans. Hi kids, it’s….

A few seconds later:

Ron: It’s shotabugra…
Fez: (trying not to laugh) It’s RayBan. Never hide.

[LiddyRules]

"Black kids had people to look up to. In Star Wars you had...Chewbacca."

[Wilmington WOW]

oooo ronnie gives much luv to wackbag and this thread

thanks Mr. B for all your great lines

[BroGonzo]

Caller: ... if we could close the show with the ultimate rock song, Boston's "More than a Feeling"....
Ron: Absolutely...
Caller: WHOOOOOOOOO!
Ron: ...absolutely not.

[jimmyolsenblues]

caller: hey that last caller was lying he was not jewish, because its friday after sundown and they can't use the phone.
Ronnie: hey that is right, that's right, cause the rates go up.

[HumpX]

Re: On the lack of respect for Earl by the Interns noting his similarity to Jim Bachus in "Rebel Without a Cause"


Ronnie: "They've already seen ya with the apron on Earl, it's too late"


I so wish that I could pull out references like that in regular conversation.

[Yobbo]

Re: On the lack of respect for Earl by the Interns noting his similarity to Jim Bachus in "Rebel Without a Cause"


Ronnie: "They've already seen ya with the apron on Earl, it's too late"


I so wish that I could pull out references like that in regular conversation.

We all do, thats why this is the greatest threadon the internet:clap:

[LiddyRules]

*On best directors*
Caller: Mike Nichols
Ron: What part of Womantown are you calling from?

[LiddyRules]

"Hip Hop Hippity Doo!"

I don't know why, I'm just not used for Ron to explode like that.

[TonyBagels]

(KISS playing in the background)

Hey everyone! We're the Banana Splits!

[LiddyRules]

From the new batch of I57 bits over at The Dot Net.

Ron says he learned Latin from I57. Fez asks him to say something in Latin:

Ron: "Who you trying to get crazy with Ese? Don't you know I'm loco!!"

[Hidden_Rage]

Ron : You know who else did I-57 Ignite?
Fez : Who?
Ron : Gandhi.

[LiddyRules]

Earl looks so old he should be narrating the show.

[lilconnornorton]

Dave: I'm sorry Sensi
Ronnie: Sensi was my dad, Call me Ron

[LiddyRules]

"I'll make you a deal. Drop the reparations talk and we'll give the name Martin Luther King to the moon. And we'll also give you two oceans *aside* the Arctic and the Indian Ocean, none of the big ones."

[RMPGP]

R "We went to the black sea when I was a kid"
F "Oh how was it?"
R "Our hubcaps were stolen"

"It's on CMT, which is our version of BET."

Rev Al's Barbershop Show

"I would call it 'High & Clean'."

"I like a lime green tuxedo as much as the next person, and I'd like a big gold clock around my neck, but I have to think about my future."

"Every time there is a high tide, you can thank the black people"

"Jesus Copperfield"

<mod edit>Please consolidate if you know you're posting about 8 of these in a row.

[TonyBagels]

(about Eddie Veddor's talking between songs)

I like everything that stops a Pearl Jam song.

[LiddyRules]

"I'm not speaking about Paul McCartney, he's a fucking girl."

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Caller: I'm just sick and tired of Bono. Before when he was talking about what was going on in Ireland that was fine but now...
Ron: Yeah, he's a fucking scumbag. I can't believe that he's trying to feed fucking starving poor people in Africa. What a piece of shit :icon_roll

[TonyBagels]

Fez:..they said that the average person isn't paying attention to what they're doing 30% of the time.
Ron: Huh?

[TonyBagels]

"I'm not speaking about Paul McCartney, he's a fucking girl."
I saw him last night, dancing with one leg.

[BeersOnTheBoat]

paraphrasing:

Earl: "My father came home, saw us watching The Dukes Of Hazzard and got really pissed".

Ron: "My father came home and saw us watching Roots and got really pissed."

[little e]

From XM 3/16

***************************************
When Pastie (ESD) the intern was in:

Ron: How’s the PC connection going?

After Dave figures it out, Ronnie can’t say Pastie – Casey without laughing.

***************************************
Ron: I’m going to tell you the truth, this is romantic. How many digits you get in?

***************************************
On Dave possibly getting laid after the concert tonight:

Ron: I only hope you get hit by a bus tonight.

***************************************
Caller worried about Shabooty being picked on and going postal:

Ron: …I’m even more scared Pastie will go paste-ol.

***************************************
Ron: If you get another fish, you know what you should name it?
Dave: What?
Ron: Claire. Just so as the love making goes on Claire’s forced to watch.

***************************************
Ron: Why does HTG open with folding her panties and then sweatshirts? Fucking close with your best material!

***************************************
Ron (to Fez): We’re teasing because you’re better now. When you’re bad we make you better, when you’re better we make you bad. It’s that simple.

***************************************
Ron (about Casey): She’s so lucky. She’s living the life of a pedophile right now. It’s like she’s having the experience of sleeping with a little boy but she can’t be arrested for it.
Dave tries to defend himself.
Ron: But everything else you that you that you brought up, Mario Cart, Pez Dispensers, licking your own pre-cum, is immature.

***************************************
Ron (on first black princess): I don’t think she’s going to be looking out the window singing “one day my fried prince will come.”

[little e]

From FM 3/16

***************************************
On whether women like personality more than looks:

Ron (to Casey): I know women say that, but you’re proving it.

***************************************
Ron: Why don’t you call yourselves the CD Connection and then make each other mixed tapes.

***************************************
On turn offs, Earl says he’s turned off by really loud, domineering women:

Ron: Won’t any women be louder than you, and more dominant than you, and actually a little more masculine than you?

***************************************
Ron asks why Fez wears makeup at Duran concerts, Fez says he’s just doing it to be a fan:

Fez: A Duran, Duran, Fan, Fan.
Ron: You were a Durrany.

***************************************
On the thought process that goes through your head when a chick is telling you dirty stories about her past sex life:

Ron: Isn’t it funny how that happens. Like, right at first you’re like ‘This is great. I’ve never been so turned on. My life is coming apart.’

***************************************
Dave says that he and Casey share a heart:

Ron: Maybe you could get like those lockets that have the half a heart on.
Dave: Like little orphan Annie.
Ron: Yeah, and then when you want to get your heart on together, it’s, uh…not that difficult. :clap:

I wish my brain worked like this. Holy shit…

***************************************
From the Titans live read:

Ron: I take my thumb and put it over the last part of the Titan’s ticket. Look what I’m going to see…(can’t finish because he’s fake laughing)

Ron: You get it right Fez?

Ron: Look where I put my thumb…(more fake laughing)

Ron: Witty, right? I took Titans and put my thumb over the end of the word…(more fake laughing)

Ron: (as Fez talks, in the background) Look at this ticket!!
Fez: We see it.

Ron: With Black 47, I’m able to have more energy and stay focused, all thanks to Black 47.
Fez: That’s I-57.
Ron: Huh?

***************************************
Casey grabs HTG’s hand as Dave goes to read her his poem:

Casey: I’m ready to be touched.
Ron: That’s what I used to say to my uncle.

[little e]

From XM 3/19

***************************************
Ron: They’ve already signed up a sequel, too. Three-o-one they’re calling it. What three hundred and one men can do.

***************************************
Ron: I think if you put Yes in the hall of fame, you gotta put Enya in the hall of fame.

Right after that, Dave says "Carpe diem as Robin Williams said." I don't know if he really is that dumb or was trying a line that wasn't funny, but either way I just wanted to punch him.

[TonyBagels]

(about Dukes of Hazard being racist)
Again, it's a TV show, based in the South. It doesn't make you racist just because you got a hayseed accent. It's like saying that every white guy out there that bangs his sister is racist. Not true, Fezzy, their inbred.



(love the hidden call back to 1000 reasons)

[TonyBagels]

(about Earl's dad being upset by his sons watching the Dukes of Hazard)

I know what you mean Earl, my dad was upset when he came home and we were watching Roots.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

ESD: Well Fez thinks outside the box...
Ron: Fez can't get into the box, I think that's his problem!


Ron: Isn't it funny how the abuser never remembers? "Well I don't think I fucked her, but if she says I did....fucking a baby doesn't sound like me, but okay"

Ron: If you fuck an adult, in a playpen...and make her suck on a pacifier, you're still fucking an adult, so you're fine!


Ron: Have you seen his new chick? I'd have ditched Claire while she was giving birth to my twins!!

[jimmyolsenblues]

Topic: Dawn cumia when she was 12 year olds.
Fez: I don't think we should think about her when she was 12.
Ron: I think about every woman when she was 12.

[jimmyolsenblues]

Ron: Did you see this new chick. I would have gotten rid of Claire when she giving birth to my twins.

[RMPGP]

"She has a sour taste of me"
"Yeah Saurkraute - yells in German"

[jimmyolsenblues]

Ron: you know who is a real cunt. Your Mom.

[TonyBagels]

(yesterday)

Ron: I'm willing to give the name Martin Luther King to the moon, if we can stop the reparations talk. And then, everybody looks up and goes, "Hey! It's supposed to be a full Martin Luther King this Thursday" or "Stay up kids. It's supposed to be an eclipse of teh Martin Luther King."
Fez: Wow! The entire moon?
Ron: Yeah, I'll give you the entire moon, and two oceans. (whispers) I'll give them the Artic Ocean and the Indian Ocean, Fezzie. None of the big ones. Don't worry.
Fez: (whispers) good thinking.
Ron: and I'll throw in the Black Sea, which I think is already there. You know the Black Sea, to me, it already works.

(yesterday)

Ron: Ever been to the Black Sea?
Earl: No, I haven't.
Ron: My family went there when I was a kid. We actually went there for vacation. We were there for a week.
Fez: How was it?
Ron: Somebody stole our hubcaps.

(yesterday)
Caller: I want to ask Earl how he was affected by slavery, personally, to deserve reparations.
Earl: Well the whole slave mentality..still throughout this day..Follow me into a store every day...
Ron: First of all a slave couldn't even get into a fuckin' store. Let's feel good about that. Now, you're walking around stores...followed closely, with all of those little pings that go off. But now you're walking around stores. Also, you have a moon named after Martin Luther King.

(yesterday)

And I will even say that Pink Floyd has to fuckin' change the song to Dark Side of the Martin Luther King. And I know the joke that every part of Martin Luther King is the dark side. But, I'm not part of that, Earl. I'm not a racist. I'm the guy that gave you the moon and two seas (mumbling) (The small ones Fez).
Fez: I'm with you.

[jimmyolsenblues]

(during show pause due to paltalk being down)
Total silence for 15 seconds then.....
Ron: Boy , Earl is black , I mean really black.

[mikek]

(while the show was on pause because of the Paltalk crash)

Boy, Earl's really black.

[TonyBagels]

(yesterday)

Jay Mohr: Even I'm with her, I realize that I'm the guy I always wanted to be.
Ron: The guy I've always wanted to be..was when I was holding up a liquor store. When I was holding a gun up to people, I was like, 'This is the guy I always wanted to be.'

[jimmyolsenblues]

Caller: "Ronnie, how many boy scouts do you think you could take?"
Ron: "Eight, but then I would haft to cum."

[RMPGP]

"It's funny when abusers never remember what they did - 'I don't remember fucking that baby, but if you say so, don't seem like something I'd do...'"

[thrawn42]

"Girls know nothing of good movies or great actors."

[thelord68]

I know I'm going to hack the lines to pieces, but I'll give it a try:

While talking about the movie Pride:

Ron: I predict that movie will win an Oscar for special effects. It actually looks like those kids are swimming.

--------------------------------------------------

Earl: I want a woman who is taller than me.
Ron: What 6' 7", 6'8"? You want Rick Barry.

---------------------------------------------------

Ron: Earl, why don't you go on J-Date. Find yourself a nice Jewish girl so she can piss off her parents.

--------------------------------------------------

About the black Honeymooners movie:

Ron: It looked so bad, I walked out during the trailer.

-

['lil conner]

03-20-07...refering to Fez getting psychiatric help from nicki and jay, Ronnie screams out " he's on the mohr cox system" (he's on the more cock system). I pissed someone elses pants, thats how funny that was.

[TonyBagels]

(FM)
Big A is the only one who gets me. He can be my Ed McMahon in another life.

[TonyBagels]

(about Constitutional Amendments that take things away)

What about the amendment that takes away our right to own slaves.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: If I was black or Latino, I'd be pissed anyway

[TonyBagels]

Fez: And Patrice called here earlier today.
Ron: (whispers) that's Earl, black people don't all look the same.

[TonyBagels]

(Fez's acid meltdown)

Fez: Jay Mohr did call me, and Patrice was on the phone today.
Ron: Great, you think you're Opie now.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: So the big opening this weekend is the black swimming movie
Ron: Yeah, it's called Drownings

[Hidden_Rage]

Ron : What are you in the hospital for?
Elfish : Suicidal tendencies
Ron : Great band.

[MilkmanDan]

And there it is folks .... 2,000 and going strong. :D

Ron Bennington : "That is the greatest thread on the internet"

<mod edit>: Bravo, Ronnie, keep them coming, and we'll do our best to keep writing them down.
http://www.familyhood.com/img/index-congratulations-logo.jpg

[flyerfan116]

Earl just admit it...you are embarrassed you work with white people

[TonyBagels]

BRAVO RONNIE!!! Thanks for the years of entertaining us!! (and making us laugh uncontrollably)

[Arch Stanton]

Shhhoootttaaabbooooogggrraayy!!!!!