Ron Bennington's Line Of The Day

[Klepto]

(About Lilly being on Fuse)

What do you gotta say?....Here's The Strokes...I'm attractive. Done.

[TonyBagels]

(yesterday XM, about jacking to an ex)
Dave:..especially if you got a blow job in a bath tub that'll pop up for the rest of time.
Ron: Yeah, but you got that from a guy in the health spa.
Dave: No, no! It was a girl!
Ron: Your mom?

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: You know it's really the black's fault, right?
Earl: I blame the whites...
Ron: But you know it's really your fault...What do you blame the whites for? Bringing you over here?
Earl: Among other things...

Ron: Where would you be without the white man? Face down in the dirt, saying "How do we cure this AIDS?" Africa has never had a good day in it's life

Ron: If there were no white people on the planet, you know we'd all be sitting around a bonfire just saying, "Gimme some more zebra"

[LiddyRules]

Dave: Well we [white people] are go-getters.
*pause*
Ron: You have to give him that. We are go getters. We invented the alarm clock. We invented getting up in the morning.

[MilkmanDan]

Earl - "Blacks have come up with some good inventions..."

Ron - "Yeah I love that peanut butter. "

[MilkmanDan]

Ron on Whites born in South Africa at night - " Did you hear something? Is someone inside the house? Thats every night for them"

[boomgoesthedyna]

Ron on whites in Africa.......the good news is if a lion gets in the house at night

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: I'd rather have had crying Fez in here yesterday, crying for 3 hours because he's scared that broccoli may kill him instead of you

ESD: Well it's sometimes nice to pamper yourself
Ron: I pamper myself every day!
ESD: Yeah?
Ron: Yeah, so I don't have to get up to go to the bathroom

[maz]

about the third or fourth call
"fez, you still sick?"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: See, that's my philosophy...open up the bag and pass around the straws. We're gonna get more dope tomorrow, last thing we need is yesterday's coke laying around.


ESD: If you had to put your head on an animal's body what would it be?
Ron: Are you serious? I'd put graft my head onto a rhino, run myself into a brickwall and die! You know you're just setting up Photoshop Mike to put our heads on animal bodies!!

[LiddyRules]

On grafting one's head onto an animal's body:

"I would graft my head onto a Rhino's body. Run as hard as I can into a brick wall and die."

*same topic*
BxJ: "Apollo Creed"
Ron: "Apollo Creed is not an animal you stupid fucking Ecuadorian."

[MilkmanDan]

Dave - "If you had to graft your head on another animal in order to survive, what would it be"

Ron - "What the fuck. A Rhino, then I'd run head first full speed into a wall and kill myself you idiot"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: First of all, you know how much you cum...how many fucking guys do you have to get through to hit the 2 gallon mark? And how the hell could you keep it down? It's not like you'd need to get it pumped out



Earl: I'd like to thank Dr. Steve for a really nice gift to Amazon
Ron: For the Sycle Cell?

[PartyRockCoat]

About Babygirl leaving the internet:

Ron: Who leaves the internet? It's not like it's Europe.

[MadHatter]

Ron: "RuPaul has a better chance at getting elected than Ron Paul does"


:haha7: :clap:

[LiddyRules]

The best opening to anything ever ever

"It's the Ron and Fez Show. 866-Ron-0-Fez; 866-Ron-0-Fez. The absolute height of Western Civilziation is 'Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am.' That is where we peaked. And everything has rolled back since. That was it for us folks. That bright shining moment in 72, 73 Earl? Give me a date. (Earl: 72). 72. That bright shining moment, 1972 where men can dress as women and pick up chicks and yet for some reason we didn't get over the hump. We slowly rolled back into the knuckle draggers that we are today.

It is the Ron and Fez show. I am Ron, no Fez in today, no one else in on 202. Hey Ron, why don't you just wander in. I have the oddest feeling that these mics aren't even turned on. That this is some elaborate prank to make me feel like I'm on the radio. And make me feel like occasionally, 'this is my life.' I come in here, I talk about nothing, there's no one else around and then me and a young intern by the name of Pepper Hicks have to blow smoke outside of a window because I live in an effeminate city that doesn't want people to smoke anymore and sit and talk about bands he wished he saw back in the day. This is what's happened to me. This is where I turned out.

In the meantime, have I seen Fez? No. Have I seen the boys? No. Why should I? Sit in the dark, sit in a cave, and hear the occasional thing from Earl, 'I haven't heard back from them but..' and that's the end of it. That's what my life has become. I never knew that there was a God but now I know there is because now I know what it feels like to be on that end of the punishment."

[fleshy silo]

Earl - "Blacks have come up with some good inventions..."

Ron - "Yeah I love that peanut butter. "


Earl.............."We invented the traffic light ..and the comb"


RON................."So you're telling me, if not for blacks, white people with messed up hair would be running into each other?"

[YourAmishDaddy]

Caught it on the second listen.

"Just a little bit of tough love.. That's what I tell the chicks it is when I tie em up and smack the shit out of em... THIS IS TOUGH LOVE!! WHOSE PUSSY IS THIS?? Daddy's.... It's tough love, is what that's called."


Let's hope whores don't get offended now. Cunts.

[jimmyolsenblues]

Ron: "I am ice station Zebra".

Caller: "my girlfriend is into other girls what should I do?"
Ron: "Sit next to her and put a Party Hat on".

[cal5000]

"Im taking Rampage Jackson in the upset."

Nice call Ron.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: And Black Earl, you just had an African-American birthday yesterday...Zum kambwa....zum kambwa
Earl: Thank you...thank you
Ron: Do you even know what that means?
Earl: No...
Ron: It's a made up word!

Ron: And Lilly, you're wearing the ugliest shorts of all time. You look like Rodney Dangerfield golfing!

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: So you just sent her out with that awful car?
ESD: I, uhh...didn't really feel like going down there
Ron: Good, then I hope she is chugging trucker-cum!


Ron: Okay...4-2-0-7--
ESD: STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP!!!!


Ron: God, she's so full of cum she doesn't even know what she's talking about.
ESD: Maybe that's what she's calling the truckers...Virginia
Ron: Cocks. That's what she's calling their cocks, cause "Virginia is for Lovers"

[Garyisajoke]

To Dave:

"What is your fucking obsession with Jiffy Lube?"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

<earlier>
Ron: Okay well Dave, I'm getting word from Casey, through HTG...Lilly, I want you to read this
Lilly: Trucker cum tastes like funions...


Ron: Trucker cum tastes like funions is line of the day....
http://blogs.tampabay.com/popmusic/images/funyuns_2.jpeg
http://claytonzone.com/wp/images/deranged_for_funyuns.jpg

[Garyisajoke]

When a caller didn't know the Velvet Underground.

Ron: Is that your husband?
Caller: No, it's my fiance.
Ron: Tell him to fill up the tub and hold your head under because I can't be there to do it.

[typer464]

ron: is that your husband?
caller: yes
ron: please ask him to fill up the bathtub and hold your head under it cuz i cant be there to do it

edit: damn beaten to it, but it was funny enough to post twice

[LiddyRules]

"Wackbag is the best. When I'm over there I love reading the Ron Bennington Line of the Day. Fun for the whole family."

[thegreenninja]

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/39856000/jpg/_39856890_cocaine203.jpg

[kevtv]

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/39856000/jpg/_39856890_cocaine203.jpg

"Doesn't make you a bad person, though."

[drum kit jimmy]

While discussing gypsies on yesterdays best of a caller mentioned being a part of some travelers.
Ron: " I come from carnival stock myself ".

[Lunchbox420]

Somebody help me out..

The line was in reference to earls birthday..those people and the underground railroad.. I laughed so hard I spit tea thru my nose.

[jimmyolsenblues]

Topic: Comparison of Marriage to Slavery
ESD: When you marry someone they belong to you.
Ron: The last time we had that it ended in the underground railroad.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Best Of...

Ron: So Big A, I hear you wanted to take a picture of Fez & Baby Luv?
Big A: Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-yes
Ron: Well what are you gonna do with it?
Big A: ...I was g-g-g-going to k-k-k-k-keep it
Ron: You should put it in your wallet...then when people ask you if you have a family you can show them the picture and say, "This is my wife and daughter!"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: I actually heard it called "the H word" today! C'mon, lets at least go back and call it "the W word." Ho isn't even a word you fucking idiots!

Ron: I forgot I run the Hayseed Hotel...so I'm going to move on here...


Ron: Okay so it's good that you didn't bring this up to me before Fez, cause I'd have said it on the air because it's so fuckin' funny


Ron: Was a humjob from her more like a little gnaw-job? Just <blowjob noises> nibble on the tip?

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Caller: Hey Big A, I had a heart attack about a week ago and my human piece of garbage friend took me to the Emergency Room and left. Should I bother trying to salvage this relationship?
Ron: Okay Big A, can you answer that question without using the N word? Cause I can't....

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Baby Luv: Shooooze
Ron: Yeah you got shoes on...we all got shoes on! Quit bragging!

Ron: I'm gonna sit over in the Wackbag section....#1 reason...heckling!


Ron: Okay so Casey is saying if anyone yells out "Dog Fucker!" she's pulling out of the wedding...which means she should be scared of the Wackbaggers

Ron: Well it's not like J.Lo is doing anything for the wedding, he wants to do "First come, first serve." Fucking Turtle and Striker are going to camp out for this damned thing!


Ron: Okay Dave, I just got this from Casey's Myspace..."Dave & Casey, I'm offering you each $1 million to sleep with Casey for one night"
ESD: FUCK. THAT. NO WAAAAAAAAAAYY!!! Who was it from Ronnie! Tell me who it was!!!
Ron: Umm...I think it's from A. Cumia

[Stink Pickle]

I know it has to be here before but my favorite by far:

Replay today with Skellington the tattoed chick talking about her tattoo of her first ferret.

Ron: Fez has a tattoo of his first gerbil... on his soul.

[TonyBagels]

(yesterday XM)

Dave: It's my relationship too, so in a weird way..
Ron: Yeah, it's like you were with a ferret face.

[TonyBagels]

(found this one written down in my car, I believe from last week)

Come on, let's face it, every teenager is a problem. We should get rid of the word teenager and call them what they are...Khmer Rogue

[TonyBagels]

(yesterday about Babylove)

She's got a little sippy cup. I'm gonna get Fez one of those, so he doesn't spill everything.




(also about Babylove)

She smoke cigars? I've got a bunch here.

[TonyBagels]

Ron: Why hate Beanie?
Fez: I don't hate Beanie...I hate Dave.

[TonyBagels]

(fez got comics)

Oh! Great! I want to get those for my 8th birthday, so I can read along.

[TonyBagels]

(about P-Hick's opening songs)

Earl was going with Journey, into Kansas, then Styx. When he was done with that...he went back to Journey

[jimmyolsenblues]

Caller: Obviously you are not from a small midwestern town
Ron: Yes that is fucking true
Caller: Its a small town called Coldwater
Ron: Is the water really that cold?

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Let's face it, Jersey is the fucking South! You've got the shitty water towers with the town's name on em! You're farmers, shit-kickers

[jimmyolsenblues]

Ron: Basically you have a taste for shit and any flavor of shit.

[MilkmanDan]

Dave : "Please come Mister B!"

Ron : "I like it when girls say that..."

[TonyBagels]

(about Ron not coming to the wedding)

Dave: Please come Mr. B.
Ron: ewww

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: What happened to O&A? I know they used to be on, but when I tune in all I hear is two homos talking for 24 hours a day. Well...I know one of em is...and the other one has a bad heart

Ron: I can't deal when watching "On the Lot" whenever the women are on. They're all saying "I'm doing this for Girl Power"...I can't get up there and say I'm doing it for White Power

[jimmyolsenblues]

Guy Fieri line of the day: "When I eat sushi, I have to get a home equity loan".

(I felt this line was so good it deserved to be here, especially cause it made Ron laugh)

[flatterfit]

On the Best of Today:
Ron: Earl's going to the black looney bin
Fez: They have a black looney bin?
Ron: They have to - or else the crazy whites would never get on the basket ball courts!!

[flatterfit]

Best of Show:
Ron: He died in his sleep.
Earl: Aw, that's not good.
Ron: It was for me, I owed him money!

[hangoverbuffet]

from the other day


Ron talking to either Dave or Earl about Fez

"he shops at cheap fucks"

[monkeyjuice]

Ron: lets see how quick did we get into the fact that you have stents.....well about 62 seconds into the show

[WanderDukeCubs]

anyone remember the old lady rusty grapefruit spoon abortion line from friday? I can't remember it word for word and can't believe it didn't make LOTD consideration. I thought I was going to die

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Caller: That's it Dave, it's herpes. They never go away.
Ron: That's what Fez is to me! Fez is my version of herpes, I made one mistake; I said, "C'mon in and to the show" one day and now I can't get rid of him

[jimmystaint]

Don't step on me when I am giving my line of the day, I am trying to get to 3000.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Is Blowhard invited?
ESD: Yes! Of course!
Ron: Eventhough he hates you?
ESD: What? Why does he hate me?
Ron: Cause he likes good radio...

[KickToTheUterus]

Ron: "you think hitler could apologize, like hey, sorry, we got off to a bad start with this one"

[MadHatter]

From Thursday, 5-31-07

Ron: What happened to O&A? I know they used to be on, but when I tune in all I hear is two homos talking for 24 hours a day. Well...I know one of em is...and the other one has a bad heart




I spit smoothie on the dash at that one...

[TonyBagels]

Earl: Well, I'm not gonna step down.
Ron: Why? You've never stepped up!

[TonyBagels]

(about Earl at the Bash, when Dave challenged him to a singing contest)

He would have won, if Fez didn't show up. {Baritone gay guy voice}: It makes me Fez. Oh, my stent!

[TonyBagels]

(about the wedding)

Maybe we start this thing off with a reading from the LIne of the Day THread.

[TonyBagels]

(to Dave who was misquoting Ron)

Don't quote me without it being fuckin' hysterical.

[mightymalachi]

Ronnie talking about the Replacements

"They're like the Dane Cooks of rock and roll."

[Standby]

Caller: I saw Al Green [...] He played 3 songs, two of them were Sam Cooke covers, and he walked off the stage.

Ron: That's more Al Green than I could take. I'd be crying so much I'd need fuckin' oxygen.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Crazy Jen: So I turn down off onto a rural road; ugh, I can't say rurual
Ron: Or anything


Sheepy: I think we're gonna have to re-till the field tomorrow after the rain
Ron: Re-till? I'm so glad I don't have a real job...

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Hard Rock Johnny: Well you know we want white tables and chairs...I think there should be a nice place for the family to sit!
Ron <under his breath>: Fuck em


Ron: You know why you have these feelings of lonliness? You are unworthy of friendship...

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Caller: Hey Ronnie, I'm callin in to get into the prize closet cause Fezzie's crying. My heart goes out to you, Fezzie; but rules are rules
Ron: Okay, here ya go you fuckin' awful person. Head on in there...
Fez: You'll be getting a copy of Patty Smith's newest CD
Ron: Hey Earl, before you send that out to him, do me a favor. Take a nail and scratch the hell out of that disc



Ron: You know what you'd bring to any relationship?
Fez: No...
Ron: A SHIT LOAD OF MONEY!!!!

[LiddyRules]

Caller: "you're hosts of a great radio show."
Ron *under his breath*: "it's not even good"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Earl could write a book on incompetence, but only if he could fucking write it!
Fez: :haha7: :haha7: :haha7: :haha7: :haha7: :haha7:
Ron: Why don't you write a half-written book on incompetence Earl?



Ron: So you're getting drugs from you doctor today?
Fez: Yeah, going to get loaded up
Ron: Oh boy...well later this week, it's Zombie Fez <zombie grunts>
Fez: Or it could be jittery Tourettes Fez...
Ron: I'm not gonna lie...I'd rather Zombie Fez. Just make sure they give you nothing but downs...

[timmykidd2104]

Crazy Jen: I end up lookin like Aunt Jamima with this thing in my hair
Ron: You can't say that in a post Imus world. You have to say that you look like a syrup personality.

[DumpsterSide]

There's one I heard last week... I can't remember if it was during the actual show or during one of the many Best Ofs we've been hearing but it was something like "I don't give a fuck about anything that happens, any place, any time." If somebody knows what the exact quote is... it'd make my month.

[2damage]

(tie)

(The gang talking about preferences vs. fetishes)

ESD (to Ron): I think you mean preference
Ron: Unless you're a dictionary or an encyclopedia, I don't care what you think.


I'm going to butcher this one, but it's still funny as hell.
(Ron talking about friendships)-

Now MickeyBoy, if he came to my house with a dead body, I'd let him in and we'd split up the body. I'd be like "you take this upstate, to where that other thing happened, and I'll take these parts to Jersey and no one would ever find out." If Earl came to my house with a dead body, I'd say "hold on a minute" and I'd call 911. "Isn't there a reward for turning in black people or something?"

I almost hit a garage with that last line

[jimmyolsenblues]

Topic: comparison of al dukes to black earl
Ron:"Al is the type of guy you love to hate, Earl is the type of guy you hate to hate".

[TonyBagels]

Fez: I sleep alone in my queen size bed.
Ron: Queen..heh heh

[Arch Stanton]

To Earl who will not say Opie...


Ron: Coughs out... PUSSY!!! in the stylings on Bluto from Animal House

[Arch Stanton]

To Earl:
He doesn't know the answer!!!! He Doesn't KNOW!!! AHAHAHa!!

[TonyBagels]

(yesterday)

I was at the worst Dead show and the best Dead show..and it was the same show.

[TonyBagels]

(I heard this yesterday, but I think it was from a best-of that had shit from Friday..fuckin' Earl)

(about Gail-O, to Paul-O)
Fez: Either that or she'll come back and haunt you.
Ron: She haunted him when she was alive.

[FAZ8218]

On a Best-Of talking about Planet of the Apes...
"The Tim Burton version was awful. I like to think of it as the Godfather III of ape movies."

[Jimmy's Dignity]

'NEW Best of from 2002 (which is awesome in and of itself), talking about "inventions that basically just piss us off"


Ron: And let me tell you, 2001 never came! I saw the movie, and we've got none of that stuff. I now live in the future and it blows like the present.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Shirley Phelps Roper: With all this rearranging of deck chairs...
Ron: Did she just say "dick chairs?"
Fez: I think so....

[jimmyolsenblues]

Caller: In my day a blowjob was out of the question
Ron: So they never gave you a blowjob
Caller: No
Ron: Then why would you ever give them some of your coke, 866-Ron0Fez...866...

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Congratulations Fez, you're on the same drugs as the weird intern. THIS SHOW SUCKS


Ron: Fez, if something happens to you..no, let me change that, when something happens to you--
Fez: Hey!
Ron: ...I'm not gonna go it alone. I'm gonna put Nicco in the Fez Whatley suit and just go on



Caller: Ramone, free Opie & Anthony!
Ron: Earl, you gonna dump out of that?
Earl: Yeah, I'm going to try to...
Ron: Bitch.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: So I'm going to have a meeting across the street tomorrow about the booking. Earl, are you gonna be there?
Earl: No, I wasn't invited
Ron: Gee, wonder what that meeting is going to be about...

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Why don't you have your phone with you?
ESD: Cause I don't want it to disrupt the show
Ron: Why? It's interrupted by you most of the time


Ron: Ohhh, look at this picture. That's my Bijou...she sang to me
Lilly: She's being gagged
Ron: Oh she'll get gagged alright



ESD: No, I was going to get married to my old girlfriend in 2012
Ron: You still might.

[flatterfit]

Ron: I would always be suspect if I was making love to Wonder Woman-I would always be afraid of getting a Wonder finger up the ass!!!

[sd187]

Ron: What's your name?
Intern: Nico
Ron: No one is named Nico

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Don't put that in the Line of the Day! I fucked up...

[Stephen_M]

Ron on football with Jay Mohr:

"You would sooner run into unicorns than white cornerbacks".

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Jay: I like how whenever I go into a thread on Wackbag, by the 3rd post someone talks about me eating Bobcat's cum out of my wife's cunt
Ron: Ehh..I...I don't think you did it
Jay: No I did, it's just that I don't think they should talk about it
Ron: You did? Shit that should be your sig pic!

(love Jay Mohr (http://www.JayMohr.com))


Ron: Okay Jay, here's my phone number...212-223-
Fez: HEY!!
Ron: What?
Fez: That's my number!!
Ron: Oh...then what's my number?

[MilkmanDan]

Ron : Sometimes I like to lay down on the floor and let Earl walk by, he looks like Patrick Ewing.

Mohr : Dionne Warwick

Ron : Little of that too

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Alright Earl, give Jay Mohr my number, but make sure Pitzy doesn't get it...Pitzy drinks


Ron: Earl, make sure he gets my cell cause I'm never home...and by that I mean I don't answer my cell.


Ron: Are you going to the Rock-a-hula Luau?
G-Vac: Yeah, I am
Ron: Good...but don't dress up, cause I don't want to


Ron: Okay, for Africa, I'm going to have to go with the country that gave us so much fun in school...Niger! <as teacher> "Okay, who put another G in the book?" <little Ronnie> "Not me, I swear that someone already put it in there."

Ron: Okay, South America, for reasons I cannot discuss...Peru, and that's all I'm going to say about that.


Ron: So Fezzie, there isn't even a Congo anymore. You're gonna be in Zaire with Dave, while I'm up in Niger just laughin my ass off. And I'm gonna stand on my porch and just yell, "All you Nigers get outta my yard!!" and there's nothing you can do about it Earl!

[mightymalachi]

Ronnie: I'll be over in Niger mispronouncing things.

[Danesy]

Ronnie - "Your Chick is excited?"
Dave - "Of course... her family is actually excited"
Ronnie - "Well of course, they're in on the joke"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

ESD: And even her family is getting excited for the wedding
Ron: Of course they are, they're in on the joke


Ron: I can't keep up with what the kids are wearing...I shop at a place called Blowhard's

[Danesy]

BoBo - "My daughter gets those shoes from the dollar store, ironically they are like 6.00"
Ronnie - "See, I would sue that place"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Earl, you want to know the feeling of the room? 9/12. It's the day fucking after, that's what it feels like in here


Ron: And you're trying to say, "And they called you the Bandit," they should just see the paychecks rolling in while they decide what to do!

[MilkmanDan]

(During Sextravaganza)

Bronx Johnny : "Paris actually got a award for this shit"

Ron : "Did she get a Danny Glover?"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: What about Bronx Johnny in a blonde wig? He looks innocent but is kind of dirty. "Now this is what we call a blumpkin!"
Fez: I've always wondered, can you sleep outside?
Ron: ........how the hell did we go from a blumpkin to sleeping outside??


Ron: Did you ever try it?
ESD: No, I can boogie board, but can't surf
Ron: Well you can't do radio, but you come back here every day...

[Stephen_M]

Earl: I'm not gay.
Ron: Really? Then I owe Fez $40.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: What about letting her spend the weekend with Uncle Inky?
ESD: NOO!!! That man's a professional porngrapher!!
Ron: Eh, we all are in our own way

[TonyBagels]

(wednesday)
Ron: Your dad's catholic & your mom's jewish. You know what they called that in my neighborhood?
Nico: Wat?
Ron: Jewboy.

[TonyBagels]

(about the wedding)

Maybe we start this thing off with a reading from the LIne of the Day THread.

I misquoted this one.
It was actually "a reading from the Book of Bennington"

[TonyBagels]

Here's one from a while back

(FM, God I miss typing that..to Fez, about his diet first show back)

Gravy is not a beverage.

[moochcassidy]

sound clip-

ron reminisces about the innocence of childhood (http://media.putfile.com/ron-reminises-about-the-innocence-of-childhood)

[Lachrymology]

(talking about Harry being conceived in Ecuador)

Ron:You know the odd thing about that conception? Anal...
Harry: How can you tell?
Ron: Smell

[mightymalachi]

Ronnie to Dave: This episode of Board Gossip rated P for Pussy - after you got your ass handed to you the other day.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Caller: Don't be a Black Judas, Earl
Earl: Judas was black
Ron: I heard he was bald too...shaved his head every day and wore a black Yankees cap.....prick


ESD: Supposed to get to 92 degrees in the city today
Ron: I hope you fucking explode in all that black


ESD: I hate the Atlanta Hawks uniforms...all that red and black and yellow, what are you trying to blind us with, colors?
Ron: Primary colors


Ron: Dave, how about for a wedding gift, Fez and I send you and your beautiful wife to the bottom of the ocean
ESD: Oh that would be fantastic! If we could get some good naval equpiment
Ron: None! Just gonna put you and her in a garbage can with some cinderblocks! Aaand by "bottom of the ocean" I basically mean the East River

[jimmyolsenblues]

Ron: I think Da Vinici would look at Edison and think, "What a piece of shit".

[jimmyolsenblues]

Caller: "Ronnie, i think you are wrong about Edison".
Ron: "Oh no, I am locked in on this prick."

[MilkmanDan]

Caller : I was born in Philly, but I was raised in Jersey, now Am I from Philly or ...

Ron : Slow down, I'm writing down Springsteen song lyrics

[mightymalachi]

Ron to a rambling caller talking about being born in Philly but living in Jersey: "Hold on, I'm writing this down for lyrics to the new Springsteen song."

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: You know what you make me want to do? Torture, and I've never wanted to do that before. Now I understand serial killers cause I want to filet you


Caller: Ronnie, I'm confused...I was born in Philly but my parents brought me over to Jersey and I was raised in Jersey but I was born in Philly and I --
Ron: Slow it down, I'm trying to write this down for another Springsteen song




Caller: I mean who doesn't love Piano Man?
Ron: Me.


Ron: Earl, we've got something from Hostel II, right? Lets play that
<plays clip of Bijou Phillips singing to Ronnie, & him saying "Come to Daddy! Get on Daddy's lap!">
Ron: Like bangin' Betty Boop!

[TonyBagels]

ESD: Supposed to get to 92 degrees in the city today
Ron: I hope you fucking explode in all that black


Hey JD, I believe it was: I hope you fucking explode, Earl. Into a pile of black ash.

Otherwise, now I feel like a dope for writing down all of these great lines as I'm driving, coming in to post them and see that you have :action-sm Oh, and I think to truly honor the genius of these lines, I would humbly suggest that each be given their own post (plus you may be able to overtake Stig if you do)

[TonyBagels]

(listening to one of the last FM shows)

(to/about Lilly & blowing through the toll plazas {Jersey still has coin baskets})

Yeah, we know that Paperclips. She's throwing in lint & baby turtles.

[TonyBagels]

(about the Devil Rays changing the team colors and name)

Fez: Well, they thought it worked for the Bucs where they changed their colors and won.
Ron: Yeah..but they had players and a coach.

[TonyBagels]

(about Earl not saying O&A's names)
Patty: Well, here's obedient
Ron: Yeah, like a dog.

[TonyBagels]

(after a fake Earl saying Opie & Anthony)

I'd make Earl the shop steward at the new union!!!

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Ya know, I'm going to write a book about picking you Whatley. Boy Did I Fuck That Pick Up! The Ron Bennington Story


Ron: Earl, how far are you into the Best Of's? You on Monday yet?
Earl: No.
Ron: Throw the O&A stuff on there, cause you're fuckin' killing me
Earl: I'd catch a hot of shit for it...
Ron: I don't care WHAT you catch

[DanfromBoston]

Talking about the Logo Network

Fez: Its like a gay MTV
Ronny B: Thats redundent

[GriffinVB]

Ron: I'll start a fist fight if I see someone put peanut butter in the fridge!

[DanfromBoston]

Patty: I keep my peanut butter in the fridge
Mr. B: Why dont you just rip your bread in half!

[BaLZaC~308]

Ron: So your dads a catholic and your moms jewish

intern: yea

Ron: you know what we would've called you in my neighborhood? JEWBOY

[TonyBagels]

(last week of FM)

First of all, all Red Sox fans are women. You don’t call in here and say, “I’m a woman and a Red Sox fan.” That’s redundant.

[TonyBagels]

(5-21 FM; like I said I'm catching up)

(about the Yankees)
Earl: I lived through the early 90’s, the dark days.
Ron: You grew up in dark days, in dark neighborhoods.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: How much does it cost?
MafiaLife Chris: Oh, it's uhh...free
Ron: I dunno, that still sounds like it costs too much to me

[TonyBagels]

("playing" MafiaLife)

Ron: Hey, good news, I got an atomic bomb.
ML Chris: Ah, no atomic bombs.
Ron: Yet!

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: So last night, right as the Sopranos ended, my Mom called me. I cannot remember the last time she called me. I answer the phone and she goes, [Mom voice]"What the hell was that?"[/mom voice] So I said, "Mom I'm crying right now, they shot Tony right in front of Carmella and AJ!"
[Mom voice]"What? When did that happen, my screen just went black!"[/mom voice]
"WHAT?!? YOUR CABLE WENT OUT?!??!?!?!? I was just lying in bed laughing at that...

[Jimmy's Dignity]

[writing a note to Howard Stern] Dear Howard, if you take Earl, we will give you money...
I would bankrupt the company if that's what it cost to get rid of you Earl

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: Yeah I think you keep your medical coverage for like 6 months after you get fired...or you can do that COBRA stuff
Ron: COBRA is just way to fucking expensive. It's like $595 a month...didn't I just get fired? Where's the $595 coming from, Pretendland?

[TonyBagels]

(from FM 5-21, I really miss typing lines from two different shows...this sucks)

(with Mikeyboy on the line, to Dave)

Mikey: The scales are always unbalanced, the only site that gets a positive interest is FBA.
Ron: Oh, that's true, it's always pro-FBA, and your girlfriend Flea.

:clap::clap::clap::clap::clap:

[LiddyRules]

"I'm 34 and I have no keyboard."

The entire spiel on the Mafialife people was classic but that one line, I have been laughing from that all day. Hours later and I'm still laughing so hard I have to catch my breath

[Turtle]

"I'm 34 and I have no keyboard."

The entire spiel on the Mafialife people was classic but that one line, I have been laughing from that all day. Hours later and I'm still laughing so hard I have to catch my breath

:clap::clap:

[thefirebuilds]

*typing* Dear Howard, if you take Earl, we will give you money.

[thefirebuilds]

[writing a note to Howard Stern] Dear Howard, if you take Earl, we will give you money...
I would bankrupt the company if that's what it cost to get rid of you Earl

Damnit! I== repost. Great line. Love his delivery.

[TheEternaString]

Guess what...now I got robot arms.

[TonyBagels]

(How did we not catch this?)

(5-21 FM, one of the last days)

I got two radio shows..for now.

How prophetic, although I'm sure e knew, but we just didn't catch/heed the prophet's words.

[TonyBagels]

(5-21 FM)

Dave: I don't think they'd rig a game show.
Ron: Yeah, you don't think so. Everything;s rigged in America.

[jennyrose]

" My mafia name will be CUT and PASTE" - Ron B.

[jennyrose]

"Sometimes like when you play pretend mafia it makes you angry" - Ron B.

[TonyBagels]

(about Jonathan thinking about Casey)

She's such a great person, I can't ahh, let her make the mistake of her lifetime with this redheaded golfball.

[jimmyolsenblues]

Ron: "Guys are the Philadelphia Phillies. Guys are the losingest team in the history of the game of love".

[mikeybot]

Ron: "Jesus you're stupid" (to Dave)

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: See Dave, you haven't been with many women and here you are getting married...how many women have you been with?
ESD: Umm..with Casey would be 4
Ron: See where I'm from, if you've only been with 4 girls it means you're a 15-year old gay boy

[MilkmanDan]

Dave - "Mr. B I'm just so insecure and frustrated right now, jealous and..."

Ron - "You're a fag"


(I made that one up.)

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Neil Young: Hey hey, my my, rock n' roll can never die!
Ron: Wrong.

[ntg84]

When he asks dave if he wants to be like fez or earl

[AngryDragon]

Caller: "Ronnie, i think you are wrong about Edison".
Ron: "Oh no, I am locked in on this prick."

Oh My god!! That caller was me. What a great day in my life to be part of the book of Bennington.


Ron: Just remember she has a friend that she can lean on at any time.
ESD: See that's not helping.
Ron: I mean for my own amusement

[TonyBagels]

(from 5-22 FM, about Earl eating different foods)

Earl says, “What is this?” It’s a clam. You never had a clam? “No. How do you eat it?” You eat the non-hard part.

[RMPGP]

"red headed golf ball"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Caller: Well we aren't going to see it coming
Ron: Why can't we use the Hubbell or something like that?
Caller: Well cause no one's looking in the direction that it'd be coming from
Ron: What direction, up?!? We're all looking up!

[timmykidd2104]

Yesterday with Dave drunk

Ron: You know I worry about you, right? Know what I want you to do? Drive home really fast and call me when you get there so I don't have to worry too long.

[Arch Stanton]

Fez, would you get out of bed at 7:00 in the Morning if I made Shrimp for you?

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: I have a taste for bologna!
Ron: You have a taste for cock and I'm just gonna leave it at that

[Arch Stanton]

Fez:God, how can this have happened to me?

Ron: You got up in the Morning and made yourself a Bowl of Ice Cream!

[jimmyolsenblues]

Ron: "I have had my head on a swivel looking for bees since I been 3 years old".

[RMPGP]

"when he brings up Denny Doyle I'll be happy fez"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: You strike me as a clear beverage drinker
ESD: I am!!
Ron: Cum. He drinks cum with every meal

[TonyBagels]

(from the last FM show, :icon_cry:)

You do hate yourself, Dave. I think that's why we get along, because I hate you too! We have so much in common. We both despise you.

[TonyBagels]

(last FM show, about two little leaguers beating up another, while the dad watched)

Caller: You're not getting the whole story.
Ron: Of course not, I got it from Dave.

[TonyBagels]

(last FM show, about guys from Jersey)
Basically, guys from Philly go to Spring Lake and make them their girlfriends.

[TonyBagels]

That other planet that they call the 'Other Earth', I'd like to send them these (nukes) and blow that fucker up. And attach a note that says "and this is for nothin', wait 'till you pull something."

[TonyBagels]

THere's something in our DNA that makes us know that robots will kill us. And those assholes (Japanese) keep building them. If it was up to me, I'd send the atomic bombs over there and...oh, that happened already...and they're still building them!!!

[TonyBagels]

I'll tell you the things that weird me out, I'm so happy that they're not bigger is bees and ants. Those fuckin' little nazis!

[TonyBagels]

You won't find bologna on any Italian sandwich. Bologna is for people who don't know what lunchmeat is. 3 year olds like bologna. Bologna is flattened hot dogs.

[RMPGP]

Caller - "Ronnie why have you been so rough on Cleveland?"

"It's not me who has been rough on Cleveland, it's God."

[Hoagie]

"Right now the entire country doesn't care about basketball. And it isn't me being rough on Cleveland...it's God."

[Hoagie]

Dammit, beat me to it. But my hate of Cleveland compels me to leave my post.

[MilkmanDan]

Ron : "You know what 70's blaxploitation movie was scary... ROOTS. I was like oh my god, are we ever gonna be able to stop them! Now they're moving up north!"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Blowhard: Hey Ronnie, you remember those blacksploitation films? Like Blackula?
Ron: Blackula, yeah that's what I call Earl when he's really pissing me off. "Blackula, you're sucking the life out of the show!"


Blowhard: And there were these other blacksploitation movies...<babble babble babble over Ron>
Ron: Okay, I got lines to do...

Ron: You know what was the scariest Blacksploitation film? Roots, where the just get more and more free...you're like, "are we ever going to be able to stop them? Now they're moving up North!! UUUGHH!!"

[Arch Stanton]

To Fez: Do you realize you are the only Human Being that eats Ice Cream for breakfast?
Mr. Frosty doesn't even get up that early.

[Arch Stanton]

Why don't you get up at 5am and eat a bag of Skittles

[Arch Stanton]

I found out the inside info on the Transformers Movie:

There is one guy that...and that's the end of our show DONK!

[Lachrymology]

All re: best live albums (6/11):

Caller: Best live album has to be Eagle's Hell Freezes Over
Ron: I'm gonna pretend like you never even called.

Dave: There's no difference between the Eagles live album and their studio albums.
Ron: They both get broken and thrown out my window.

[TonyBagels]

Ron: I could never let anyone hit my daughter. If I did, I could never live it down...I'd honestly be punching the kid in the face and head until my daughter would be like, 'Dad...he's been dead for 2 hours.'

(here you go, the full quote, last FM show)
(to Dave, who said he'd let his niece get beat up by two boys)

You are so lucky I'm not your brother. Because, if I knew that two boys beat up my daughter and MY brother sat there and watched it take place..I would seriously beat you until you were dead. They would not..I would be there punching the dust that was your skull, until finally, my chick said, "Stop it. He's been dead for two hours."

[TonyBagels]

(last FM show (FUCK with Brilliance like this why the hell would they ever switch to playing 90s bullshit rock that everyone has on CD already), about saving Dave's two kids, 3 and 4, from a burning house)

Dave: How old?
Ron: Ahh, 3 and 4. Just 9-1/2 months apart. Irish twins.
Dave starts talking again
Ron: He doesn't even get the joke.

[TonyBagels]

(last FM show, about Dave being saved as a kid from drowning, Dave had been talking about not saving children)

Caller: Hey guys, I was wondering wasn't Dave saved as a child.
Ron: Oh yeah, that's right Dave. When you were a little kid, you fell into an ocean or lake.
Dave: It was the bay.
Ron: And you mom had to dive in after you, to save you.
Dave: Well it was like two feet of water. Basically she waded in. Big Deal.
Ron: To rescue you.
Dave: Yeah
Ron: So if there was a riptide, you would have said, "Mom let me go"
Dave: Well I don't know how I would have reacted, I wasn't conscious at the timeI was blue.
Ron: The only time you've ever had color. Your mom should have taken as many pictures as she could have then, just to see what you looked like with a little bit of color.
Dave: Well, I was clinically dead for 20 minutes.
Ron: And still brain dead, you haven't gotten over that. Here's (caller), you're on Ron& Fez.
Caller: Dave has color, he's yellow.
Ron: You have actually taken people back to 1930's insults.

[TonyBagels]

(last FM, about Dave having kids)
Ron: I really don't want you to have children.
Dave: I'm going to.
PitZ: You better child proof that house.
Ron: ...Child proof that house. Yes, keep children out of that house, alone. That's the child proof thing. Let's take you out, Let's get you fixed, spayed and nuetered.

[TonyBagels]

(last FM)

Caller: If Beanie had to run to get an adult to save Dave, that day, what would we have.
Ron: Well, first of all, we'd have a much more cheerful show today.

[TonyBagels]

Alright, folks, that is it for us. I was talking to Fez the other day, and he wants everyone to know that he's absolutely he's ah jumping back and he's feeling good. We were talking about this, the opportunity that we had here, thanks to people we know here, people like Olive and ahh John Manelli who brought us back. We really enjoyed being on here, doing this talk show for us, for you guys. We had The opportunity to come back to New York. ONly here for one book, and that book just exploded. We jumped up on the 18-49s to number two. And it's been fantastic. So, You always want to take the opportunity to say to everybody, "Thank you very much" And there's nothing like being on the air in New York City and we appreciated it. RonFez.net is the website. We hope you go and check that out. And if you ever need to email us, it's ronandfez@aol.com. And once again, thanks a lot everybody. Thanks a lot for welcoming us back to New York...You guys are the best. Take care and God Bless.


WHY!? WHY would they take such a classy individual off of the air. Do they have any idea how they've deprived him of doubling his LOTD on this thread. Fuckin' Idiots!!

[Arch Stanton]

...You guys are the best. Take care and God Bless.


WHY!? WHY would they take such a classy individual off of the air.

A moment of silence. ................................



BTW, Tony, you have done an amazing job here. Huge effort. Thanks

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: So tomorrow is going to be great, it's the 15th, O&A are going to be back...Earl can you say O&A yet or do you have to wait until tomorrow?
Earl: Uh, I've gotta wait until tomorrow
Ron: Prick.

[LiddyRules]

"Opie's ok, he's a broadcaster. But the other two are reckless. Air pirates really"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

ESD: With the 15 minute delay it'll be nice, we won't have to get in here on time
Ron: I don't anyway. That's why we play the song...

[MilkmanDan]

Caller : I'm from Canada and we dont have the 1 hour shift over with the seasons. Will this be a 1 hour 15 minute delay?

Ron : The first thing I thought of is "What about Canada?" the show will remain the same for you, but will be broadcast in Flannel.

[mikeybot]

Caller : I'm from Canada and we dont have the 1 hour shift over with the seasons. Will this be a 1 hour 15 minute delay?

Ron : The first thing I thought of is "What about Canada?" the show will remain the same for you, but will be broadcast in Flannel.

and wearing a tuk(or however its spelled).

[latenightrabbit]

"I'm sitting here looking at my paycheck now and I say this is a fantastic thing"
-- Ron Bennington commenting on the 15 minute delay

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: "Someone's knock knock knockin at the door, someone's ringin' the bell..." I was thinking to myself, "Did my dad write that song?" That's all he'd used to say to me...I'm sitting there looking at him saying, "Did your wife give birth to a son, or a fucking DOOR MAN??"


<having just met Carolyn Kennedy>
Ron: I looked her in her eyes and said, "Your mom used to fuck John Kennedy."

[commish13]

As Tony LaRussa about catcher Ron Bennington:

"The kid's got a cannon but he's been workin' in radio for the past 15 years!"

[jimmyolsenblues]

Ron: "You are like a jellyfish wearing shirt and pants, don't sting me".

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: We're about to become the losingest team in all of sports! We're going to lose our 10,000th game!
Earl: Really? 10,000 :haha7: :haha7:
Ron: Shut up! It fuckin hurts!!

[RMPGP]

"The Philly Fanatic... It's a fucking Muppet, I'm at a ball game. We're losing 7-1 and you're jumping around on the dugout"

[jimmyolsenblues]

ron: "i find the philly phanatic to be more embarrassing the sylvester stallone, we are losing 7-0 and you are dancing on the dugout".

[MilkmanDan]

Ron : I'm looking at the Phillies losing 7-1 and there's this giant muppet jumping up and down on the dugout, I hate him.

----

Ron : And the Philly fans, the Phanatics running around with a newborn on his dune buggy, and they're chanting "Kill that baby!"

[jackjack]

Earl: 'I've lived in New York my whole life, and there's still parts of it I haven't seen'.

Ron: 'White parts'

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Caller: We use semen on our bait to attract fish...
Ron: Sure ya do...you ever wonder how we won that war? Stupid fish-fuckers. "Shhhh...we'll just sneak up on them. Stupid Rebels, they're fucking fish"

[Hoagie]

Caller: John Paul Jones from Led Zeppelin will be there. How can you beat that?

Ron: Anyone else from Led Zeppelin. That's how you beat that.

[BRIVOLBN7Q]

Ron: Oh, you know who I bumped into on the street, and this will blow you away... [board gossip intro music]

(Then the "thats the end of our show... Donk)...

But I cracked up hearing that.:haha7:

[fuckwit]

Ron: Theres no such thing as 10 year old fiancee. Outside of the Gypsy community.

--------------

Dave: blah blah blah recreate the magic of that 10 year old time with my adult life.

Ron: You dont feel that magic with Casey right now? In these, the salad days of your relationship.

[RickMcCrank47]

Ron: Cal Ripkin is umm...American colored....ya know what im sayin Earl?

[RickMcCrank47]

The best opening to anything ever ever

"It's the Ron and Fez Show. 866-Ron-0-Fez; 866-Ron-0-Fez. The absolute height of Western Civilziation is 'Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am.' That is where we peaked. And everything has rolled back since. That was it for us folks. That bright shining moment in 72, 73 Earl? Give me a date. (Earl: 72). 72. That bright shining moment, 1972 where men can dress as women and pick up chicks and yet for some reason we didn't get over the hump. We slowly rolled back into the knuckle draggers that we are today.

It is the Ron and Fez show. I am Ron, no Fez in today, no one else in on 202. Hey Ron, why don't you just wander in. I have the oddest feeling that these mics aren't even turned on. That this is some elaborate prank to make me feel like I'm on the radio. And make me feel like occasionally, 'this is my life.' I come in here, I talk about nothing, there's no one else around and then me and a young intern by the name of Pepper Hicks have to blow smoke outside of a window because I live in an effeminate city that doesn't want people to smoke anymore and sit and talk about bands he wished he saw back in the day. This is what's happened to me. This is where I turned out.

In the meantime, have I seen Fez? No. Have I seen the boys? No. Why should I? Sit in the dark, sit in a cave, and hear the occasional thing from Earl, 'I haven't heard back from them but..' and that's the end of it. That's what my life has become. I never knew that there was a God but now I know there is because now I know what it feels like to be on that end of the punishment."



The genius of Ronny B....

PISS 941
DIC 321

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Earl: He is my father
Ron: Why, cause he's black too?

[MilkmanDan]

Ron : I used to date a crazy chick, she was a cutter. I'd just leave sharp things around the house so I could catch her later and go "WHAT DID YOU DO!"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Seeing Baby Luv makes me think, "Deb, you wanna try one more time?"
ESD: What?
Ron: I promised Deb that I'd get her pregnant, but my gimmick was that I'd always pull out, so I could get one more time

[TonyBagels]

(as BabyLove & Mikey leave the studio)

God, she's so cute. (whispers) I hope she doesn't get that crib-death thing.

[TonyBagels]

BxJ: With this movie, they atually use a hypodermic needle to go through a nipple. I don't see the sexual pleasure in that, but..
Ron: I do.

[yvj]

Here's an old one from the 10-26-06 show. During the Mr. Perfect Era

Ron on gambling.

Ron: Only once in my life have I ever really won big

Fez: When was that....

Ron: It was floating crap game in Wilmington Delaware and I'm down big, I'm down. And then suddenly I get a brilliant idea, I kill the other four guys in the fucking room and I got out of there with the money. And that was the only time in my life gambling I ever felt like a winner.

:clap: :clap::clap::clap:

Ron: He knows nothing about college football he just picks games out of the air

Fez: I've never even seen him watch a college game

Ron: He doesn't have to Fez. He doesn't have to, that's your problem, you're a bum, who sits and reads book and magazines written by other bums, you call 900 bum lines, every tip you get is bum....This kid is fucking magic.

:haha7::haha7::haha7: :clap::clap::clap:

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Caller: Wait, lemme get this straight, Ron...you were there 5 minutes before the show started??
Ron: Yeah, I actually caught a cab today


Ron: Pepper Hicks is just stupid, he gave up a great showbiz name. Do you mind if I say your real name?
Pepper: No, go ahead!
Ron: Pepper Hicks' real name is Todd Hilyer
Fez: Really? I think that name is bad for the air
Ron: Too gay?

[Jimmy's Dignity]

<atrocious caller>
Ron: Yeah, the by when we talk about screening the calls, we mean "screen out the retards." Is that so hard? Ron & Fez show...


<Rich & Bonnie wedding promo>
Ron: Geez, no wonder neither of them won Last Comic Standing

[LiddyRules]

*On Fantastic Four*

Fez: Which one of those powers would you like to have?
Ron *laughing about how stupid the question is*: Give me fire

[flyerfan116]

Ron talking about the firing of black talent @ ABC....


ABC used to mean All Bout Coloreds but things change

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: And you know what else I'm taking a vacation from? Those fucked up 12 steps!
Fez: A vacation TO your problems!
Ron: Ahh, "Hello old Demons, it's great to see you again!"


Ron: There's only one thing more beautiful than a woman on this planet....and that's two women

[Stormrider666]

I can't rememeber it line for line but:
Ron: "God forbid that my jokes that naked women on them to get posted on FBA"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: Tiger Woods is a father for the first time. His wife had a baby boy
Ron: What'd he name it? Tiger? Panther?

[Lillibaby]

"Fez, this always helps me feel better...I just think, "we are all going to die. The Earth is a crashing plane, and we're all headed toward death."

[Kid Brock]

Fez: "I have gender problems".

Ron: "You are genderally a good person".

[MilkmanDan]

Ron cheering up Fez : "Fez you're Fez McCool, you're flicking ashes in other peoples eyes, you dont give a fuck. Fez McCool!"

[RMPGP]

In reference to Dave's wedding:

"I don't know if you saw Kill Bill or not...."

[HammerStriker]

Wondering about what Fezzy is crying about...

"I thought the meds were going to take out all the highs and lows; a pink robot with a lisp."

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: You gotta think of Planet Earth as a crashing plane....And you can't sit there on that plane thinking 'I haven't got the SHOES I want'...


Ron: We're gonna have to make some phone calls to special interest groups...there's one called "It's a Girl, DAMNIT"

[NortonsHeiny]

Regarding Daves eyes "I feel like I am looking at two yellow flashlights"

[TonyBagels]

Fez: "I have gender problems".

Ron: "You are genderally a good person".

It's so not a typical Ron line, it's ridiculously corny, and yet his delivery had me laughing my ass off.

[TonyBagels]

I've been blessed with something, I don't care about other people.

[TonyBagels]

(about McCartney firing stage staff b/c they ate meat)

Right, he's a vegan and normally, I wouldn't care, but if I didn't have any good food, the last thing I want to be surrounded by, is people eating steak.



I believe I butchered this one, but it certainly needed it's space on the thread.

[mikeybot]

Ron "Now I want to put Jivin's face on a stamp"

[mikeybot]

Ron "God forbid, my jokes aren't naked women, where that'd take off like wildfire"
(regarding FBA and the line of the day thread)

[Digital_Trauma]

one kind of throw away-line about the Lily situation was really funny,

"Hey, that's Hugo's chick"

[maz]

you people are making it very hard to hold out till 7/1/07
DAMN YOU FUCKERS
DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL
i'm not reading this thread for another week and a half
miss RONNIE B

[TripHawk]

Ron hating on Missouri:

Ron: The Show Me State, fuck you! I'll show you something!

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: So Lucci is walking down with Earl?
ESD: Yeah :haha7:
Ron: Oh I want to call Lucci a name, but Earl's still here...I was just going to say BLANK-lover. BLANK-lover....

[alclark]

On Sleeves' wedding promo: "Just listening to that makes you feel that Casey should be arrested for marrying a mongoloid."

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Earl, tell me, how are we gonna get the show back together?
Paul O: I have an idea!
Ron: Who's that, Paul O?
Paul O: Yeah
Ron: Shut up.

[SteveFromBayshore]

"You can put a sports coat over a pile of shit. It's still a pile of shit."

Nice.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Great Earl, show me your thanks with incompetence!





Ron: And we'll say the Rosary, meanwhile Nikko is sitting there thinking to himself, "What's the Rosary? We're Jews, all we do is put a little frisbee on our head and that's it"

[FAZ8218]

Caller: Hey guys, love the show.
Ron: Yeah, it's fantastic... You should have heard us in 2002...

[TonyBagels]

Caller: Hey guys, love the show.
Ron: Yeah, it's fantastic... You should have heard us in 2002...

..when we had energy. I'm so depressed today.

[TonyBagels]

(after Fez said that Dave getting married is not good for him, b/c he's so messed up leading up t it)

Nah, nah. It's the best thing that's ever happened to him. Now Casey, on the other hand, I think she's making a huge mistake.

[TonyBagels]

I swear to God Earl. This fuckin' two week vacation couldn't have happened at a better time for you. (taken from a tirade at Earl, after yelling at another caller)

[alclark]

Dave: ...action figgers (figures)

Ron: Hey…Earls’s here.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Earl, do I have that one yet?
Earl: No I don't think so
Ron: What's on it?
Earl: You know, the normal baseball stuff...Aaron, Yazstremski, Robinson
Ron: I think I'm gonna fast forward through the Aaron stuff, then watch Yazstremski, then fast forward through Jackie...
Earl: I think I'm detecting a pattern...
Ron: Meh...I don't have a colored TV

[flatterfit]

Ron: PNEUMONIA! Why aren'tyou home? What are you doing on the elevator with me you plague spreading Bastard?!

[Hidden_Rage]

Ron: You have the balls to judge someone else's timing? You're a fucking producer. You should be able to know where the show is going and hit music and sound effects, you never do it all. You want to talk about timing, I can sit here and do an air check with you and point out what can be added to the show. Now the fucking guy was talking to you, why do you have to attack every caller? If you attacked every 10th caller, I wouldn't give a shit, but you everybody who calls this show.

Earl: The man did insult me...

Ron: He fucking did not. He said he came up with Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny like we all were. At a certain point, you no longer believe what you taught as a child. It's a fucking decent point. You can make your point, instead of turning into dog shit. That's why I can't fuck depend on you to jump into this show without turning with you screaming at people.


Ron: This fucking 2 week vacation couldn't be coming any god damn sooner for me. That you sit around and you say
you worry about the show and you do the same thing day after day. Where's your fucking time right now?

Earl: I'm sorry, I apologize

Ron: You take this show as a fucking insult. :clap::clap::clap:

[Wilmington WOW]

Ron: You have the balls to judge someone else's timing? You're a fucking producer. You should be able to know where the show is going and hit music and sound effects, you never do it all. You want to talk about timing, I can sit here and do an air check with you and point out what can be added to the show. Now the fucking guy was talking to you, why do you have to attack every caller? If you attacked every 10th caller, I wouldn't give a shit, but you everybody who calls this show.

Earl: The man did insult me...

Ron: He fucking did not. He said he came up with Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny like we all were. At a certain point, you no longer believe what you taught as a child. It's a fucking decent point. You can make your point, instead of turning into dog shit. That's why I can't fuck depend on you to jump into this show without turning with you screaming at people.


Ron: This fucking 2 week vacation couldn't be coming any god damn sooner for me. That you sit around and you say
you worry about the show and you do the same thing day after day. Where's your fucking time right now?

Earl: I'm sorry, I apologize

Ron: You take this show as a fucking insult. :clap::clap::clap:

lol

[Wilmington WOW]

Ronnie: earl, you start every entence with "no"



I notice it too ronnie

[FAZ8218]

To Fez...
"Wear short shorts. Whatever shorts you wear, I wanna see some balls."

[FAZ8218]

"I wanna call her a name but Earl is still here...

"Blank" lover, "blank" lover..."

[FAZ8218]

Dave: An envelope? For me?
Ron: You know why? No place to put it in my shorts tomorrow.

[TripHawk]

You considered him a young, shit eating Fez Whatley.

[NortonsHeiny]

Speaking about the Muslim greeting
"Asalaam alakum (or whatever) I dont know what it means but it sounds more like jive to me then Muslim

[NortonsHeiny]

God isn't a man or a woman its something to stop you from panicking

[NortonsHeiny]

Rons god bless you "May and and his holy son and all of the angels restart your heart"

[NortonsHeiny]

Reply to Earl following Jesus around mumbling holy over and over "Your version of an angel sounds like a pigeon just peck peck pecking...."

Ron you are a genious

[Hidden_Rage]

Arch: I'm calling into the Big Ass Prize closet, I think I heard Earl crying

Ron: Earl did you cry?
Earl: I got very choked up, I got very emotional
Ron: I can't send you for Earl crying but I will send you in for the Rich Vos sound alike contest we've been running all week. You are the big winner.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: By the way, this is what Freddie Mercury would have looked like if he lived longer...

[alclark]

(referring to Fez and his casual dress) This is what Freddie Mercury would have looked like if he didn't pass away.

[MilkmanDan]

Ron : Not only is Babylove on the panel, but she's also going to be an Entree later !

[mikeybot]

A scratched up card that an untalented baby drew on

[MilkmanDan]

Ron, Regarding Babyloves second scribbled answer on Match game : "I'm not sure what age you check for retardation, but it might be time"

(sorry Mikeyboy!)

[alclark]

We're the guys that suspended Opie and Anthony, XM Sattelite Radio...

[mikeybot]

Hey Ant, how come he doesn't get more mic time, he's great.
(about Than)

[alclark]

Bachelor #3, how long does it take you to hang up a picture?

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Yes BabyLuv, everyone is happy and dancing. Now you're ready to have a show
Fez: She just wrote "Puppet" on a card...it'd have been a match!
Ron: You see, this is why I won't let my chick carry to term...


<wedding party comes out>
Ron: Looks like an IRA line-up up there!

[buffcomic]

Ron: Thats something you don't see a Dominican with a baby on her hip

[LiddyRules]

You know it's real because Dawn said so.

[Dr. Hoffman]

"And while all this was happening Silera had two more children."

[alclark]

The nature boy, that's a lot better than crying

[Alabamaluda]

I dont like to post but this shit was funny as hell:

Ron: Not so close big man (to dave dancing with his mom)
Ron: Back in the day we used to say a little space for the Holy Spirit!

Had me rolling!!!

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron & Fez: Well that was fast!
Ron: As she's said many times...



Ron: Whoever the garter hits, dies!


Ron: Okay, so what happens next with the garter & bouquet? I live in sin....


Ron: If I was here with a beautiful woman, seeing all this wedding stuff, maybe it's time for an announcement? See Opie's chick is from Philadelphia, down near me...whenever you see a chick with a diamond ring on her finger you gotta ask, "When's the baby due?"


Ron: Okay and we're gonna do the dollar dance for them, so swing on by and dance with the bride.......get a cheap feel

[Zeroman]

talking about Fez being single


girls.....grow a penis and take a shot at this one

[tampa1]

when lucci was walking up to the stage

Ron: heres lucci, normally you don't hear cat calls at a wedding

Fez: right

Ron: but then again you also don't see cans like that

[jimmyolsenblues]

Ron:"It makes me fez, from his new album "Learn a new fucking toon".

[jimmyolsenblues]

ron about fezzie doing mr.perfect....
Ron:"Shitcan the other guy, just walk around and act like that all the time".

[opie's rage]

Mr. Perfect?
Come on, dude pay attention.

[MilkmanDan]

Ron on Dave from todays Best Of - "Not only is he retarded.... but people are paying to hear the retard talk."

[jimmyolsenblues]

Ron: "I drank to the point of Alarming people. I never needed a game to drink. Just me, my self-loathing, and my problems."

[Endless Mike]

(on fucking a manatee)
Ron: I got news for you, and maybe this makes me sound fucking gay, but I ain't fucking anything with a flipper. it just grosses me out.
ESD: too much noise, too. manatees are very noisy animals. it would be too freakish....you would need a quiet animal to fuck.
Ron: well first of all, I wouldn't fuck any animal without duct tape. I don't wanna hear any of their squawks or fuckin calls.

[Endless Mike]

(on whether or not Dave should tell his girl he let a huskie lick his dong)
Ron: If you disclosed anything to your girlfriend it would be over. that's the problem for you Dave.
ESD: w...wh..what people don't know won't hurt them. that's a famous addage that people have said for generations.
Ron: you know who came up with that?
ESD: ..Ben Franklin?
Ron: ETHER RAPISTS.

[Endless Mike]

Ron: there's only one thing worse than an Eagles fan.
Fez: what's that?
Ron: anyone in the the band The Eagles. they're the absolute worst.

[jimmyolsenblues]

Fez: "Why would you put me on JDate?"
Ron: "I want you to meet someone successful, I wouldn't put you on NDate.
(white people are so scared of black people plays in the background.

[Endless Mike]

I'm spreading the genius of Ron Bennington right here. http://www.lambgoat.com/mb/thread.aspx?id=979472

spreading the good word across the internet. converting the people. I've got a ton of old shows saved and will be contributing to this thread as much as I can during the break.

[commish13]

I'm listening to the FreeFM stuff from earlier this year... man, I miss RnF on FreeFM. Anyway, from January 9 at the very end of the show:

"I used to love Penn and Teller... 'til there was a fire and Teller saved us. Then I started hatin' em."

HAHA

[jimmyolsenblues]

Ron: "A woman looks at the bottom of her empty glass and thinks how here life turned out to be a disappointment. Its not going to be a pretty thing."

[TheCableNazi]

I'm spreading the genius of Ron Bennington right here. http://www.lambgoat.com/mb/thread.aspx?id=979472

spreading the good word across the internet. converting the people. I've got a ton of old shows saved and will be contributing to this thread as much as I can during the break.

HI PANDA!

-g_g

[Endless Mike]

HI PANDA!

-g_g

HI!

caller: DOOOOOOGHOOOOOUSSSSEEE!!!
Ron: bababooie, bababooie, bababooie. cookie, you're on Ron and Fez.

[Endless Mike]

cookie: no, I got upset with him (her husband) because he wouldn't communicate.
Ron: right. no wonder, you're like one of those...it's like the old Ed Sullivan show and you're one of those Russian guys just smashing plate after plate!

[Endless Mike]

(on hitting a woman who hits you all the time just once)
Ron: that all makes sense until you end up in court, and you try to explain. "I dropped her once, your honor, tryin to get her to think."

[Endless Mike]

Ron: there's a lot of excitement to be with a crazy woman. it's like dating Errol Flynn! what more could you ever want in life!

[RMPGP]

Ron: "I feel the same about breast reduction surgery as the President feels about abortion."

[RMPGP]

About Alyssa Milano's Team Steam:

"You got a 15 year old girl and her shorts riding, and your thinking 'OK I order the tape and they bust me?'."

[RMPGP]

"A guy messaged me and said 'YOU SUCK' so I replied 'Then why are we so rich?'"

[alclark]

Billy Staples: (for the 15th time) "You are so hot."
Ron: "You should have told that to her earlier."

[MilkmanDan]

7-5 Best of:

Caller - "Ron why dont these parents do anything about their kids destroying peoples fences?"

Ron - "Like the parents know whats going on? Like they're thinking "Hey my kids probably running facefirst into someones fence tonight."

[Haeder]

From the Subway Superhero on Deal Or No Deal show - just after he opened the million dollar case: "There's a perferct word to call him, but we're in a post-Imus world. It's better just to let it go."

Looking forward to the return of Ron & Fez live on July 9th.

[Gyp]

Best of- Billy Staples getting shot with paintballs
"Billy, you've been stapled, yet standing there sideways in your underwear you still look like a 'before' picture."

[RMPGP]

"Shut up Earl"

[jimmyolsenblues]

Ron: "Pope Blowhard".

----made me laugh out loud , Ron's name for the new pope.

[BCH]

The Car's Not Working!!

[jimmyolsenblues]

Ron: "Mary, Jesus, the four tops...all shit".

[pure_waves]

Ron: "Mary, Jesus, the four tops...all shit".

i enjoyed that one as well :clap:

[MilkmanDan]

Harley : Because I've got an extensive record collection and have studied music for years...

Ron : I've got 2 radio shows.



(?????!!!)

[MilkmanDan]

Ron to Lilly : Thank god your Vagina is huge, he stuck his dick in said it was like a window, couldnt even find the sides

[typer464]

Fez to Al Dukes about being so weird "How close do you think you are to being me?"

Ron "One eight year old boy."

[typer464]

Ron "Jonathon's dick is like a colts leg, all veiny."

[Jimmy's Dignity]

ESD: And Superman got all of his practice beating up on thugs and cheap crooks
Ron: That's like me going to an elementary school and punching children in their stomach

[Arch Stanton]

About Earl:
Doesn't matter what you say about it, you know it, I know it and Earl knows it.

[Arch Stanton]

Earl, you got todays Punk award. You got Fez, egg all over his face.

[Arch Stanton]

Ron, what would you name your band?

Fez and the limp cocks

[LiddyRules]

Caller: "My daughter's 15 and she's always going to concerts."
Ron: "Why don't you send us some pictures of her?"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Caller: What you've gotta do is go to the local music scene and you'll hear all the new good bands with great names. My daughter is only 15 and she knows all these bands...
Ron: Why don't you send us some pictures of her? 866-Ron-0-Fez, 866-Ron-0-Fez...

edit: damnit, you beat me Liddy

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: G'won Fezzie...tell Big A you love him.
Fez: I don't want to tell him that I love him...
Ron: C'mon, tell him that you love him!
Fez: I love you Big A
Ron: FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG!!!!!


Caller: I suck, go fuck yourself
Ron: I will, as soon as I'm done hanging up with you I'm gonna go fuck myself...

[Arch Stanton]

In reference to Un-masked:
Patrice:
You claim your Black...Prove it!

[TonyBagels]

(from July 9th, regarding vacation)

I woke up two times while I was in bed, during vacation, saying, "God Dammit, Earl!"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Caller: Well Ron, what about if you just name 5 people you want to kill?
Ron: I'd kill Curt Schilling in a heartbeat for leaving Philadelphia!

[RMPGP]

"Jesus has a kryptonite - it is a Cross."

[MilkmanDan]

Fez - "Mushrooms have to be natures grossest food"

Ron - "What about Boogers?"

Fez - "They arent food!"

Ron - "Maybe, but I've seen people eat them"

[LiddyRules]

Fez: "I'm not an iron man."
Ron: "You're not even the Tin Man. Wait, you don't have a heart. You may be the Tin Man."

[ern]

By the way fez, its filled with your cum.

Was fez too quick to pick the cum filled?

[Vyce]

Earlier on today's show:

Fez: Blueberries aren't as bad for you - of the fruits you can eat when you're a diabetic....
Ron: At what point did you figure this out, the third or fourth heart attack?


*Turtle hangs up the phone*
Ron: He's a real man. Unlike Fez. He's the anti-Fez.
Fez: He called in yesterday about cum-filled eclairs!
Ron: Which you said you'd eat.
Fez: To save someone....
Ron: No, just for your appetite.

[TonyBagels]

(July 11, about not as many cowboys as people think)

Why would people risk their lives to go out West, to make cows go to one place to the other, when there was gold in dem thar hills. The real people that went out West, weren't thinking of settling. They were thinking of grabbing some gold and getting back to New York as quick as they could with it and finding hookers and opium.

[TonyBagels]

(July 11th, while discussing the 13 colonies)

You know they were the first state, Delaware. Have you heard from them since?

[TonyBagels]

(I believe this was the 9th or 10th, the Mafia-life Chris / Paige fake-out discussion, after Dave and others admitted to jacking to her fake pic)

Fez: I've never jacked to Paige.
Ron: Have you jacked to Mafia-life Chris?

[alclark]

"We've been on the air for 12 minutes, and we've mentioned Prince twice. What year is this?"

[Burble]

Ron - "Where are you calling from?"

Caller - "Tallahasse, FL"

Ron - "Ahhhh the Panhandle.... I dont know what it is about that area, it should be called the shitstink"

[MilkmanDan]

Ron to Earl ...... "I cant kill you because I love you too much, but I dont love you enough that I wont yell out "HE ***** A WHITE WOMAN""

[LiddyRules]

After a drunken Paul sings "Crocodile Rock" the real song begins

Ron *going from serious to radio voice*: Paul-O this one is going out to you and Melly IN TAMPA FLORIDA DRINKING HARD!!!

[Danesy]

Ronnie - "Remember... no matter what's going on in your life... you're never as bad as the people that work on this show"

[Hughdini]

"I call it Bored Gossip - B-O-R-E-D Gossip"

Ron = God

[Hughdini]

"I must be a carrier or something, but I can't keep a normal goddamn friendship" Ron = God

[Hughdini]

Why does Ronnie B have to be the Sheriff of Radiotown?
Ron = God

[Garyisajoke]

Princess Diana, Martin Luther King, Jesus, the Four Tops... they've all said to themselves, "Man, I gotta take a monster shit right now."

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: And this weekend I'm doing a double-date thing with HTG and Mike-caca...where I'm finally going to get a chance to switch it up and get some man-on-man time with Mike-caca
Fez: Oh! Switch it up that way :icon_eek:
Ron: Yeah, I'm done with all that shit. I'm all hetero'ed out



Ron: We gotta stop your family line. I don't care if we have to cut your balls off, but we've gotta get America back on top

[jimmyolsenblues]

Ron:"The Vagina gets to a point where you could bowl in it"

[Arch Stanton]

To Dave: (about makin' a kid)
Why don't you just fill a beeker right now?

[Arch Stanton]

To Dave:
It's not easy being a good son, it is just as hard to be a good Mother.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: You know who takes drugs and bangs hookers? People who can

[TonyBagels]

Ron: We gotta stop your family line. I don't care if we have to cut your balls off, but we've gotta get America back on top

He followed that up with this standout line:
I think that's something that Bush and Michael Moore would agree on.

[Standby]

(Ron about anime porn money shots)
"It's like a wonderful Fourth of July celebration"

[Garyisajoke]

Fez: What job do you think has the most drug use?

Ron: Jazz trumpet player.

[yvj]

Was I the only one who was howling when Fez first brought about the monster movie stuff and Ron quickly changed the subject to the Philies.

[TonyBagels]

(Friday's show)
For some reason, when you're in high school, you think the majority of girls aren't fuckable. I don't know what's wrong with your young mind...and then when you get older, all of the high school girls are fuckable.

[TonyBagels]

(from Friday's show, a quiz contest b/w Dave and a caller, these are the questions)

Why does Pearl Jam suck so much?
What smells like shit? (answer: Pearl Jam)
What sucks cock more than Pearl Jam? (Ron's answer: nothing, caller's answer: Dave on Earl)

[TonyBagels]

(about the bodily fluid radio war)

Fez: So you want to keep this war going?
Dave: Yeah.
Ron: He needs to keep it going, he hasn't done anything on this show lately.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: You are the Eiffel Tower of Shit-eating...



Ron: O&A if you want to go up to the top of a hill and watch our listeners fight eachother, I'm all for it...

[Arch Stanton]

Fez: Well, they applaud Dave here.

Ron: So this thing went back and forth and we won before I knew we were at War?

[TonyBagels]

(backing of Dave in radio war)
Couple of other guys have called in to support East Side Dave. Ahh, John Manelli called in with his support. Dice Clay is behind ya, and Mancow.

[Arch Stanton]

Is Frank's Place not the home of the Ron and Fez show???

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Oh hold on, Dave's shitting in the corner!! Dave's shitting in the corner!!!

Ron: Is this healthy?

[Arch Stanton]

I don't know Dave...I don't like the Shit eating

[Arch Stanton]

Po is Puking away

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Ya know Fez, in a war like this, there are no winners...


Earl: No, I was never a frat-guy
Ron: That's cause you went to a community college, and they didn't have any

Ron: Earl, you know what school you want to go to?
Fez: Grambling?
Earl: No...
Ron: Bethune Cookman?


Ron: Earl, lemme tell you, the N in NYU stands for "New." Not that other thing...


Earl: You can study African Culture
Ron: Chapter 3 - AIDS. Chapter 4 - Famine!
Earl: What's chapter 1?
Ron: Mmmm...

[TonyBagels]

(to Earl about going back to school)

Just so you know, the NY in NYU..the N is for New. I was wrong

[Stormrider666]

Ron-"You know the N in NYU stands for new, it doesn't stand for what you think it does".

[alclark]

What do you have to study in African Studies? How to run faster than a lion?


Chapter 3: AIDS
Chapter 4: Famine

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: Some tickets to NYU football would be nice...
Ron: They don't have a football team, they have hippies playin frisbee

[Awful Me]

On NYU Football:

"They don't have a football team, they have hippies playin frisbee"

*EDIT: This is the real post, J.D. copy and pasted me from another thread.....

[TonyBagels]

(after Earl steps down)

Earl: This is the best show on radio.
Ron: Well thank you. I think we proved it today when Dave did what he did.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Did you jump down in the water at Fisherman's Wharf and lay by the seals, see if she could tell who's who?

[alclark]

Fez: Is there a dark horse candidate?
Ron: There is...and I'll tell you why during the next break.


[Joe Biden's] running on that Carlos Mencia ticket.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Joe Biden is running on the Carlos Mencia platform...where people keep calling you out on using other people's stuff

[NYDBLOCK]

Goddamn Lunch Meetings

[Arch Stanton]

Back and to the left

(Love when he drops the Dallas event of 1963)

[commish13]

Caller: Fuck... whatever he said.

Ron: Well I got my own radio show... well I'm being paid for two... and there's that whole Unmasked thing.

[TonyBagels]

(while talking about Unmasked, specifically more shows)

Ron: We want to do more, and by we, I mean XM and its share holders.
Fez: Seems to be taking up a lot of Ron and Fez time with Unmasked.
Ron: No, just Fez time.

[TonyBagels]

(shit war)

Dave: I'm gonna do something I call the Greg Luganis.
Ron: You're gonna blow a guy and hit your head?

[Standby]

Dave: ...the cum will be mine.
Ron: Wasn't that a Michael Jackson song? With Paul McCartney?
Fez: That's The Girl is Mine...

[mikek]

ESD: I'm going to do something I call the Greg Louganis (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greg_Louganis).
Ron: What are you going to do- blow a guy and hit your head?


UPDATE: Damn you, TonyBagels! Fucking LOTD whore.

[Standby]

"The only thing beneath you is a Cuban poolboy. Oooh, get that one in the line of the day."

[latenightrabbit]

So you feel you won cause Dave didn't get to brush his teeth with shit?

[mikek]

R&F fans aren't aggressive. Most of them still live with their parents. They're proud if they have a separate entrance.

[TonyBagels]

(again about shit war)

Ron: I did a search about XM, and found a thing that says, "O&A always win in the end." I'll tell you something about the Ron & Fez Show. Ron & Fez always start off slow. Ron & Fez always sucks in the middle. and Ron & Fez always lose in the end.

[TonyBagels]

Fez: I'm waving the flag.
Ron: First of all, they're called Gay People..Oh you mean FLAGS

[TonyBagels]

(not having a shit war at the Hard Rock, because of Health Codes)

You've been to the Hard Rock. You've seen the stuff on the wall from Hendrix...You see any GG Allin things hanging up in there?

[Standby]

Ron: And will you just take off that stupid Fez.
Fez: We are at war, Ronnie! This is my war helmet.
Ron: You should be wearing a Roman Helmet, ya mo...

[mikek]

The R&F crowd... the guys are virgins, and the girls are sluts. I dunno how we got them together.

[Hidden_Rage]

Fez: and were going to keep going until they say "No Mas!"
Ron: Who's that?

[TonyBagels]

Somehow, all of our male listeners are virgins and all of our female listeners are sluts.

MikeK you beat me {raises fist in air and shakes it}

[jimmyolsenblues]

Ron to ESD: "Looking at your face is like looking into the sun, I have wear a welding Mask".

[Standby]

"Dear Mom, Your vagina hasn't been wet since Eisenhower. Love, Dave."

[jimmyolsenblues]

ESD: "My mom listen's to this radio program"
Ron: "Then I am sorry about the Vagina not being wet since Eisenhower".

[cokelogic]

Ron: I did some research online: O&A always win in the end.

It's no joke, it's line of the day!

[Picklestyle]

Ron: MY BIG GAY MEMORY?!, I have to say my uncle sucking my cock...

[alclark]

(In reference to Earl's primitive studies class)
Here is his first paper: "They used spears instead of guns."

[Kid Brock]

"Do you have any fire-hydrants Earl can run through?"

[jimmyolsenblues]

Ron: "Explain to me the science how to create a low fat buttery blueberry muffin".

[jimmyolsenblues]

Ron: "When I was a kid....(I prayed)....Now I lay me down to sleep and if I die....wait a minute...I could die in my sleep..I am staying up later".

[JOHNNY HAIRDO]

The kids like to call me Uncle No-No.

[RobeSoup&Tears]

Fez: "...so I was climbing..."

Ron: "Isn't it clumb?" ---------- "...you sure it's not clum?"

[Standby]

Lilly: I was doing some thinking...
Ron: You? Thinking?
Lilly: Yeah.
Ron: Now by thinking, do you mean cooking?

[ern]

Fez...Brown and crusty (talking about the muffin)
Ron (in a half second or less) Fez thats your underwear.

[MilkmanDan]

Ron to Dave - "Your arms look like cottage cheese squeezed into sausage cases."

[mightymalachi]

Ronnie to Dave who is "close to passing out": "You want to hold on to a plate of glass?"

[Standby]

Caller: ...I have two tattoos on my back.
Ron: What do you have on your back... target?
Caller: Haha... no, I have a big fairy on my back...
Ron: I've got a big fairy with me as well.

[BCH]

To Truly have feelings, you have to have your genitals on the outside of your body.

[goldenbunz]

Fez: I always pace in a elevator when I'm alone.

Ron: Why not just take the steps?

[TonyBagels]

(to Fez about his fear of dying)

Next time you go to your teenage analyst, tell him: Ron thinks we die in here every day.

[TonyBagels]

"Do you have any fire-hydrants Earl can run through?"

(to caller)

Do you have a coast guard that just goes into fire hydrants? 'Cause thats like a water park to Earl.

[TonyBagels]

(about not firing producers)

I'm the same way with women and employees. I just drive them away, so they think its their choice.

[TonyBagels]

(further calming Fez about his fear of dying)

Just do what I do before I go to sleep, say to yourself, "I'm not always going to exist."

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Redneck Caller: I'm sure you're SHOCKED that a guy who sounds like me has a black gay friend...
Ron: No I'm not shocked, a lot of you guys like to get buttfucked

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Why did you turn down the Lucci situation? Or why don't you knock the kidney stone out of _______ (I forgot/missed the name)
Sheepy: Yeah, how is she doing with that, is she okay?
Ron: No, we lost her last night, she's dead

[jimmyolsenblues]

Any question that Ron leads:
"If Nazis had your parents"....."Quick they are going to shoot your dad".

[TonyBagels]

Ron: If I had to sleep with a guy, it's be Stephen Hawking.
Fez: Really, why?
Ron: Just to punish that fucker. NOW WHO'S BRILLIANT!?!?!

[jimmyolsenblues]

Ron: If I had to sleep with a guy, For me it would be Stephen Hawking, just to punish that fucker, mr.smarty pants, so i can smash his fucking head while i am doing it "NOW WHOSE BRILLIANT". [robot voice] you are. your are....It would be more of just Bukaki.

[TonyBagels]

(about routing against your team, in betting)

I'd route against anybody. I'd route against Kennedy. I'd pick Dallas over Kennedy, if I knew I had that bet.

[Arch Stanton]

What can be more then Ultimate? I don't think we need to go higher then ultimate?

[Arch Stanton]

Carnies and Rubes, Carnies and Rubes, you just played the part of the Rube.
Make sure you get some cotton candy before you leave.

[Arch Stanton]

There is only one Survivor show that is worth anything:

Monkey vs. Robot (cue song)

[Arch Stanton]

To Al Dux on the phone:

Ron:Then you look at each others pieces...

Al: No, we don't

Ron: Tell the truth

[alclark]

Caller: Great show Ronny B...
Ron: Yeah it is, I was telling Fez that earlier, and he spit in my face.

[TonyBagels]

caller: Ronnie B, great show!
Ron: Yeah it is, I was telling Fezz that earlier, and he spit in my face

[Arch Stanton]

caller: Ronnie B...Great Show
Ron: Yeah, I was tellin' Fez that and he spit in my face







( had to do it)

[Arch Stanton]

Caller: Rush 2112
Ron: Sorry I can't hear ya....

Next Caller: Boston
Ron: Sorry....I can't hear ya

Next caller: Marvin Gaye
Ron: I hear ya loud and clear

[LiddyRules]

"I've never seen a single episode of Law and Order and hope to say that on my death bed."

[Turtle]

Caller: Dave there is no rehab for shit eating, stupid.
Ron: Turtle is the best.

[Absolutely]

Ron: That's not how it works, it only works that way with a liar.
Ron: You are Liar Man
Earl: I'm not lying!
Ron: You are, you should be on tv telling lies one after another

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: I want us to go far...I want to see you maybe take a little torture. Maybe have one of those crazy Russian strippers hit you in the chest with an axe
ESD: If I have to die to bring the boards back together...I'm all for it

[Angelfuck]

Dave: Chris Angel is from Long Island

Ron: I had no idea, I thought he came from the depths of hell

[timmykidd2104]

Ron: Maybe we should tatoo "The Sopranos" over it so people will know what it is.

[goldenbunz]

Ron: What was he getting head in the living room. Can't he take her to the closet or a shower like a gentleman?

[mikek]

ESD: I'm a one woman man now.
RB: You're one woman.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: Every corporate logo has gotten updated! I think even Uncle Ben is now like the company president
Ron: Wow...talk about reparations, Earl. He's the president and you're still stuck in lower management



Ron: Redhead or a Down's Syndrome chick?
Dave: Oh a redhead definitely
Ron: I'm taking the Down's chick. Earl?
Earl: Definitely Down's.
Ron: Yeah, that's so you can do your dominant bit and not have her laugh in your face


(talking about banging every woman on the planet, just so you can get the really hot ones)
Dave: Just think about it, you can get all the high school girls -
Ron: Yeah!
Dave: -- who turned you down back when you were in high school
Ron: Oh, I was just thinking about the underage chicks....like even babies



Ron: Oh I'd put em all in a line...make em stand in a row all along the equator in the hot sun. Do you know how many crying ones you'd have? "But I love my husband...but I love my husband!" SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU KNOW THE DEAL!!!



Uncle Inky: I'd have to take the deal just so I can go up to any guy and say, "I fucked your woman"
Pitzy: I think that'd work even better for her dad
Ron: Your wife, your daughter, your mother, they're all fantastic!!

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Bronx Johnny: I actually have a bad date story...I picked up a chick from Craigslist
Ron: Craigslist? Well...that's a good place to get old furnature, but a woman?


Ron: I was on Craigslist once looking for a hooker....I wound up with a $10 bike. I guess the people were moving...

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Ya know what, I think I may tie off for tonight at VIP.
Fez: What?
Ron: I think I'm gonna show up with a spike, just in case...

[jimmyolsenblues]

[ron's letter to mike tyson]
Ron: "Dear Tat face...."

[jimmyolsenblues]

Ron: "Now with Big A on our side, I might be on our side".

[commish13]

Ron: Hey Earl, how come you never suck up to me?

Earl: No, uh...

Ron: By suck I mean my balls! Outcue, Ron and Fez

[LiddyRules]

*On Fez Telling His Therapist About The Prize Closet Whenever Fez Cries*
Ron: "Don't tell her! That might make me seem inhuman."

[MilkmanDan]

Ron on Fezzies relationship problems

Ron : Would you be willing to start off by trying to hold hands with someone?
Fez : Sure that sounds ok.
Ron : What if one of your hands was actually a cock?

[Awful Me]

On the Screaming Death Metal Band - Don The Reader:

Ronnie B: "It's called 'The Reader' obviously you already got that from the lyrics"

[Awful Me]

Ronnie to Fez about keeping his nuts in his shorts during the show at VIP Club:

"I will walk out and put it on Wikipedia: He left the show because his partner's nutsack popped out"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: Now Fezzie, you're dancing tonight over at VIP. I will walk out and put it on Wikipedia: "He left the show because his partner's nutsack popped out"

[Iron Duke]

From yesterday while talking about Fez's dancing audition on O&A.

Ron "I didn't know they made a thong in a size 42"

[ChimneyFish]

"This is the exact moment when all the other countries started to pass the United States." - Ron on the song "Baker Street"

[RMPGP]

message to the regular contributers: can you please try and get this thread to break 3000 next friday (aug 3rd)

Thanks!

[jackjack]

Ron: What do you guys call them, African Canadians?

[Endless Mike]

whenever I walk out of a movie I always throw my drink at the screen and yell, "fuck this place!"

[Endless Mike]

message to the regular contributers: can you please try and get this thread to break 3000 next friday (aug 3rd)

Thanks!

I'll try to step it up a bit.

[RMPGP]

I'll try to step it up a bit.

Well - try and break it ON that Friday, before the show starts, but don't break it too much sooner... see if you can time it right :)

next FRIDAY is going to be a fun day ;)

[Endless Mike]

my apartment.....$9900 a month and there's no bathroom. NO BATHROOM. I gotta go down to Starbuck's if I want to pinch a loaf. it's awful.

[Slayback]

Ron: Lilly's hair looks like a flock of dead sparrows.

[jimmyolsenblues]

Ron: "If there are 3 drunks in the bar, I got cash money one of them is Anthony"

[goldenbunz]

Ron: Do you cry when you're with Elsy?
Fez: Yes
Ron: You don't tell her I give out prizes when you do, do you?

[Belasco]

Anybody remember the exact phrasing of Ronnie's Ann Margaret/Elvis line? It was something about Elvis making her suck on the "unclipped King".

[Newmania]

"I have a calendar at home that says 'Pododys Nerfect'"

[Endless Mike]

Ron: real estate people are the #1 worst people, Fezzie....and second, Nazis. distant second.

[Endless Mike]

Ron: as soon as you see a crowd of German people forming, NATO should step in immediatly.

[Endless Mike]

from 12-26-06 FreeFM show:
(Ron on Rudy Guilliani making a presidential bid)

Dear Rudy,

You're a Republican, you're divorced, and you're Catholic...you're pro-choice and you're not anti-gay. how do you expect to win in THAT party?

Love,

Earl

[Endless Mike]

(talking about bald Presidents)
Fez: Eisenhower, oh he was as bald as a bowling ball.
Ron: and what about Yule Brenner? he was definately bald!
Fez: he was in The King And I, he wasn't the president.
Ron: oh, I knew he had something to do with politicsss.

[Endless Mike]

Ron: I'm cryin so hard I almost dropped my soda on my vagina, Fezzie.

[Endless Mike]

(from the Big Ass Simulcast of the State of the Union Address 2007

G.W. Bush: we've created 7.2 million new jobs.
Ron (without missing a beat): all for Mexicans.

[MilkmanDan]

Ron on Black people not pulling out during sex.

Ron - "Don't you act like it doesnt feel good to pull out and cum all over a pair of tits. Aim for the face, christ some variety."

[jimmyolsenblues]

Caller (Foundry Music Jeff) : "My dad was the type of guy that would get into Physical fights cause people did not like the mets.
Ron: "Wow, your dad must have fought a lot".

[ern]

R&F replay: Ron getting all over Fez for missing questions on Three's Company, and Fez angry/upset for Ron B. ringing the bell.

Fez: Stop ringing that cowbell, I'm being set up.
Ron: STOOOOOOOOOPID

[ern]

Ron to Southern Hayseed caller who was attempting to correct Ron B. about the Indians having calendars.

Ron: Yeah the Indians had dayplanners, I got some dates for ya, 1861-1865, mark that on your calendar.

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Ron: The only blackouts you have are when you look in the mirror, ya Somalian

[Sack of Chisels]

"Gimme the quarters and watch the magic happen."

[Awful Me]

On why Jonathan didn't help Dave and Casey move:

"He will only help her move the panty drawer"

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Fez: It sounds like you're saying that Casey is an infant!
Ron: A retarded infant

[MilkmanDan]

Earl : Spike Lees been accused of being anti alot of things, anti-jewish(silence), anti-woman(silence), Anti-italian

Ron : Well we all are on that one

[goldenbunz]

Fez: I look at all those commercials and they show you how their product kills all of the germs and keeps everything clean.

Ron: What the fuck do you think they’re supposed to do on their commercial? You see how I lie about every spot we do.

[goldenbunz]

Fez: (talking about Dave being ungrateful for all the help he got moving) Turn the car around Deb.

Ron: Then turn the beat around.

[Endless Mike]

Fez: when I eat pizza, I like to have like a napkin under the slice of pizza.
Ron: disgusting! you're a paper eater! it's probably what happened to your heart! it's clogged with PULP!

[Endless Mike]

ESD: we got a rib that was so small, probably two inches by two inches...
Ron: what...was it a baby's rib?

[Sack of Chisels]

Bobo: I found an apartment for $400/month.
Ron: Were are you stayin' at? the corner of "crack" and "shot dead"?

[Sack of Chisels]

Bobo: I'm thinking about moving to New York in 6 years.
Fez: That gives us 6 years to get out.
Ron: Don't worry about that!

[earlshog]

On Bobo not leaving Baltimore

I know you want to live near Ace of Cakes

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Earl fucks up and orders Soul Food for lunch an hour and a half early...

Ron: I should put you up against a wall and spray you with a fire hose
Fez: That's the picture on the menu!


Lily: Anywhere but the eye...
Ron: That's why I want it there! Anywhere but the eye, you said?
Lily: Yeah
Ron: Alright, you better have that ass ready

[Dingbat Charlie]

(doing the voice of Fezzy the WB Frog): Sorry Elsa, I'm too busy sucking cock to come down and see you today.

[goldenbunz]

Bobo: She also loved my name.

Ron: For 600 their gonna love your name. What is she going to say you have a stupid name?

[goldenbunz]

Bobo: I have joint custody of my daughter

Ron: My daughter has custody of my joints

[goldenbunz]

Bobo: She’s Mongolian

Ron: That's the oldest trick in the book. She wasn't Mongolian she was a Mongoloid, you idiot

[goldenbunz]

Fez: Why would you through a cow bell at me?

Ron: Don't ask me ask you shrink.

[TonyBagels]

Alright Buddays, I've got to catch up from vacation. Here's one from the 25th, while discussing age of consent.

Caller: Morally, how smart is an 18 year old girl, does she really know what she's getting in to.
Ron: Can I bring this up to you, Morally, how smart is a 30 year old girl? {Fez laughing in background} You know, I really don't see them brightening up over the next 12 years.

[TonyBagels]

(25th again, while deciding on a song for Fez to dance to on the striper pole)

Arch (caller): Aw buddays. I gotta hear him dancing to Mighty Horse.
Ron: The MIghty Horse song {plays drop}. Fez, can you imagine Tracy's face when you come dancing in to that song?
Fez: Aw, that'd be a moment to remember there.
Ron: But I see you more as Monkey House.

[TonyBagels]

25th, about Fez's pole moves

E-Rock (to Fez): Are you able to do the climb up the pole, flip upssdie down, and hang by your legs.
Fez: I've always wanted to...I'm a little back heavy, but I'll try it.
Ron: I'd like to see you just be able to touch your own toes.
Fez: I don't know how erotic it is.
Ron: Try it. If you can just drop a stick and hit your toes.

[TonyBagels]

25th, about Fez at the VIP club

(Goodbye horses playing)


Ron: Is there a pit at that place that maybe we can get you in?
Fez: I don't know if they have a pit.
Ron: Well, let's just turn off all of the lights and then we'll all put on those night goggles.
Fez: I' not the fat senator's daughter that's gonna have diamond shapes cut out of her back.
Ron: You're American Girl. Now drive in in a van. The place will go crazy.

[TonyBagels]

7-26 (about Opie and Anthony)

Can they do their show a little bit later. I'd love to listen. what are they on, 3 AM?

7-26, about Fez's dress during his pole dancing

Fez: I had on my golden boxers, over my black thing.
Ron: Thong? or Wrong?

7-26, after Fez's "dance"

I feel like the dad in 8mm. Just, how do I get him back?

[TonyBagels]

7-27

Fez: I wouldn't mind popping out of a cake, like if it was a bachelor's party or something.
Ron: An awful big cake. I have a hard time making sure you can pop out of the Lincoln Tunnel.

[WanderDukeCubs]

On Fez diming out Ron to god:

Ron- I will build the biggest ladder in hell to get you.

#2
Ron- I didn't know there even were any back dorks.

Earl- Oh there are plenty
Ron- Don't I know, just look in the mirror.

[TonyBagels]

7-26, after Dave's list of stunts


I'm gonna start drinking again. If I told my sponsor, he'd start drinking again. Betty Ford, herself, would have a shot after listening to this show.

[willful boy]

About Don McClean

"He plays slide guitar with his vagina"

[goldenbunz]

Ron: Some guys grow up and other guys are Dave.

[LiddyRules]

On dying:

Pepper: "And Maggots."
Ron: "Hey, it doesn't matter what he is. Besides, they both crawl in your ass..."
Fez: "One's a fly larva!"
Ron: "...and the other's an insect."

[Dingbat Charlie]

Fez: he said Maggot. MAGGOT
Ron: what's the difference? they both crawl in your ass.

[goldenbunz]

Fez: Ouch!!!!
Ron: Are you thinking about the bridge?
Fez: no,
Ron: Cured!!!!

[Sack of Chisels]

on Earl finally jerking off

"What did you think about? the civil war?"

[Danesy]

Ronnie to EVERYONE: Re: Earl
I've heard him say someone is beautiful.... Cedric the Entertainer.

[Arch Stanton]

To Earl....Show me how you jerk off....
Earl: I use my left hand
Ron: But I your right handed, oh yeah, your right thumb is always up your ass...line of the day

[Danesy]

Ron to Earl:

Don't take it personally, we're laughing at you and at 39 years old your inability to function as a human being.

[Arch Stanton]

Earl: I am less social then I used to be
Ron: You didn't get pussy then either

[Arch Stanton]

To Earl:
Legally, you have been with 3 women

[Arch Stanton]

Earl, I don't know where the Lies start and the Lies end

[goldenbunz]

Ron: I never heard a guy say he jacked off and his friends say, "no you didn't".

[Arch Stanton]

To Earl: Why can't you say to yourself, I can't date a girl, I am gonna try a guy

[Danesy]

Fezzie - "I went with Earl to the movies the other night"

Ronnie - "Let me guess... that's the night he jerked off"

[Arch Stanton]

About Earl:
Anytime when a guy wants to talk more about Rock, he is a-sexual

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Earl: Cause my Mom would always...
Ron: Blow you?

http://www2.jsonline.com/sports/brew/yount/image/yount12.jpg
:jump :jump

[goldenbunz]

Dave: Did you have you socks on while jacking?
Earl: No
Ron: the Barefooted jacker.