Ron Bennington's Line Of The Day

[LiddyRules]

This is similar to the Genius of Ron Bennington but everyday Ron has that one line that makes me laugh hysterical and, while all his lines are good, one of them just strikes out the most at me. So I want to try this out and remember one vote per day, and wait until the end of the show to vote. Anyway, today's was

Ron *after playing Gary Glitter/Soundboard Fez Remix*: It's hard to believe but at one point in our lives, that made us laugh hysterically.

[ChinkyRick]

lol agree to that.

I have to say that this week's shows have made me laugh out on several occausion in unexpected places. I don't know if they have a fresh start after vacation or I'm finally "getting" Ron & Fez.

[Chester'sLiver]

I'm finally "getting" Ron & Fez.

I think this is it because they have been this great since they came on XM. People just expected Opie and Anthony 2 which they aren't. Ron makes me laugh everyday. My favorite line of his was "If it was **** then why did you cum?" I laughed so hard I had to put it in my sig.

[Martini Tony]

Ive been listening to R&F since day one on XM, and loved them ever since. Ron is effing hysterical.

[Arch Stanton]

"I attended George Mason.....well I went to a Bowie show there and it was great....."

[ChimneyFish]

"You know what my Mom called it, Fezzy????
Shit.
She'd be like, 'If you have to go take a shit, go. I don't want you shitting in your pants.'
Very blunt, my Mom."

[badcellphoneguy]

ronnie b is a radio genius. he comes up with things on the fly that are just hysterical.

later

[lilconnornorton]

the bit on the seal clubbing in Canada had me rolling...as my brother wrote me, 'only Ronnie B can make seal talk interesting'

[punchingmunchki]

Chi Chester 28, Sun Valley 15

[BabyHat3R]

"You've got nothing to worry about Fez, Master Po and I are both trained killers. The only difference is that I am a trained killer of children."

[ChimneyFish]

Chi Chester 28, Sun Valley 15


As having played Sun Valley my senior year, that bit never gets old.

[BigBuffaloFan]

Not really the line of the day but I like he did not back down from Rob Dibble on todays show. Yo Rob if you play major league baseball that means you have good hand eye cordination. Adding Steroids to the mix is to enchance them you dummy. You yourself admit a lot of players juiced when you played. Don't ever talk to Mr. B the genius in tone you did today becasue you will look dumber then you did today.

[jagsfans]

If ants were the size of ducks we would be in chains.

[earlshog]

Ron: I love those Chinese needles...

Fez: Acupuncture???

Ron: Heroin

[FlavoredDecay]

There was a tear in my eye as i was molesting her. She's so fuckin' adorable.

[Arch Stanton]

Black Earl... Why don't you do voice over work for the radio show...

[Arch Stanton]

Tilt your head back and let the cum slide down.........

[MilkmanDan]

I dunno, "D for a black man is like an A for anyone else".
not bad )

[LiddyRules]

EDIT TO CLARIFY.

Ron to *Woman talking about The Notebook*: I haven't beaten a woman to death since 1989.

[Arch Stanton]

Woman *talking about The Notebook*: I haven't beaten a woman to death since 1989.
Classic

[phillybri76]

EDIT TO CLARIFY.

Ron to *Woman talking about The Notebook*: I haven't beaten a woman to death since 1989.

I felt like an asshole for laughing so hard at that. What a line...:clap:

[askewcore]

"I'll light a baby on fire for 100 dollars so dont ask what I'd do to a puppet."

[ChimneyFish]

While talking about the new DVD parental filter settings -
"I would set it at 'some bush, no gash.'"

[ProfessorAnt]

when they were talking about the DVD player that filters out harsh language and violence:

RON: "I want to get one that filters out violins. That shit really bugs me."
FEZ: "Its a classical instrument."

I LOL'd

[ChimneyFish]

During the show on 02/10/04, while taqlking about Fez' cat, Fuzz Whatley -
"Even the blind can see you're lying."

[ChimneyFish]

While speaking on black high school football cheers;

"When a cheer ends with 'suck my dick', I think we're going to win this game. I think we're going after this one."

[LiddyRules]

There are two I can't decide on:

When they were talking about Fez seeing poison "Before you get excited, bring in a calendar. It's 2006, not 1988."

And with Tops and Bottoms, ron: "It's exactly like Catty Moments." fez: "No it's not" ron: "Maybe just jokes and delivery"

[earlshog]

Ron to Earl: For the first time in 25 years the population of blacks is dropping ing New York. Its just to expensive.

To Fez: Fez you know how many blacks live in New York

Fez 6 million

Ron: Fez I know to you it seems like that... there are actually 18

[Turtle]

While speaking on black high school football cheers;

"When a cheer ends with 'suck my dick', I think we're going to win this game. I think we're going after this one."
thats the winner

[Tax Kuntz]

If I read something in the Fez voice, I get a craving for a banana.

[Hoagie]

If I read something in the Fez voice, I get a craving for a banana.HEY! Rude and rude.

[Arch Stanton]

If I read something in the Fez voice, I get a craving for a banana.
Now I'm starvin'

[Cloominati]

"Ron Bennington's Line of the Day" seems like some sort of betting service.

[Tennessee Jed]

it's the second greatest show on 202. when i first got XM back in early Nov. (exactly 1 week before Fez's heart attack), that was the first i've ever listened to them. I haven't been able to turn them off.

[LiddyRules]

"Ron Bennington's Line of the Day" seems like some sort of betting service. I never realized it until this post but in the 1980s, this title had a completely different meaning. Not that it makes you a bad person.

[Douchebag Listener]

I love this thread. I just wish more lines got posted. Then again, I'm not exactly helping the cause...

[blee]

Yesterday, when they were talking to Eastside about his pantsless puppet...
"Check Dave's mouth and see if he has any splinters."

[Turtle]

"I got my own radio show" It's great, such a put down to the caller and he does it such a I dont give a shit voice.

[JoeFromDetroit]

When talking to that chick Po was trying to impress. "Po knows **** prevention, prevention"

Something like that...hope i didn't fuck it up.

[thrawn42]

"Bloody cake"

[LiddyRules]

"When I was growing up there was a kid with leg braces. We beat him into a coma simply because his knees didn't work. "

[mendoman]

"By saying you were "running away from your dad" did you mean you were running towards his dick with your mouth open?"

[ChimneyFish]

caller: "....unfortunately, my son's autistic, and...."

Ron: "Well, if he can paint, he can paint."

[blee]

Caller:"What's up?"

Ron: "I guess Earl's dick, after listening to Fez's story."

[Save My Up's Dick]

caller: "....unfortunately, my son's autistic, and...."

Ron: "Well, if he can paint, he can paint."
Heard that one today.....very funny :icon_lol:

[Big Dick Mcgee]

caller: "....unfortunately, my son's autistic, and...."

Ron: "Well, if he can paint, he can paint."That one almost made me piss myself.

[GoatAss]

Not really a Ron line but this fucking cracked me up!

caller called in and said his friend's son spit in his face and he had to spank him.

Ron: "Fezzy, what would I do if you spit in my face?"

Fez: "You'd hit me."

Ron: "What if you spit in Bronx Johnny's face?"

Fez: "He'd cut me"

[punchingmunchki]

Ron: Thats why you soak him with lighter fluid... I'm not going to light him on fire, but I'm standing there with a match saying go ahead.

[dumb dago]

My favorite Ron line-- when talking about a diet--

"Here's a diet plan for you. One bump right after you wake up, and another bump every 15 minutes for the rest of your life. This way you don't have to worry about having a sensible dinner".

F'n hilarious

[7cent]

chancing a retard, ha..

had me and the old man howling.

[Railroad5]

IT'S BONER TIME!

Just take the ammunition away from 'em.

[al885]

I got my own radio show...

[Tippy'sBallsack]

On talking about Cal Ripken Jr.'s record:

"Any record that involves just showing up on time, to me is not a real record. Nobody really gives a fuck about it. The Perfect Attendance medal in High School Graduation: not a resume stuffer"

Teacher: "Ron Bennington, where have you been? It's third period!
Ron: "I was smoking a joint. What the fuck you want from me?"

[flyerfan116]

heard on best of today....

caller bombs with a joke..

Ron - So you went with the joke angle there

caller - yeah

Ron - did ya think it would turn out better?

Caller - yeah

ROn - Yeah so did I

click

[Tippy'sBallsack]

To Bronx Johhny: "One thing you always got to remember, always watch out for the Chupacabras"



Caller: Ron, would you get fucked in the ass for a million dollars?

Ron: "Yes. And I would milk it for all its worth. I would tell my kids: You better finish your steak! I got fucked in the ass for that. Or 'I don't go out every morning to get fucked in the ass for you to waste that slice of pizza like it don't cost a thing!'

[BigBuffaloFan]

Fez: I am scared of someone coming into Denny's with a gun..

Ron: I would walk in there with my vest wide open so everyone can see I am packing saying "Today is a good day to die"

[FAZ8218]

This was from yesterday...

Ron: Are you a gun owner?
Caller: Yes, I own many guns.
Ron: Good, take one, put the barrell in your mouth and pull the trigger.

[LiddyRules]

From the replay. They're talking about the black kids who killed the NYU students in Harlem and while the caller was taking the O+A side of "innocent kid" you can already ALREADY hear in Ron's voice the pieces being put together which led to this exchange.

Ron: I remember when I went up to Harlem, it was always to help the homeless.
Fez: Off to do more charity work?
Ron: Yes I am.
Fez: But it's 2 in the morning!
Ron: I'll be home when light hits me, I'll tell you that.

[Sprite]

i can't remember it exactly, maybe someone can.... something like....


Ron - "Chief Knockahomo....that's what I say then I punch Fezzy in the back"

:clap:

[ChimneyFish]

When talking about Earl killing him....
"You're gonna be like 'I gave him enough morphine to kill a person', and you're going to come back, and I'll have a Velvet Underground album on and I'll be smoking. It's just not going to work."

[dodisman]

someone needs to tape these lines and throw up links...i swear all of these when i heard them had me laughing like a fucking retard in my cube...Its just refreshing humor...what a gift that guy has...truly a gift...My favorite lately mentioned already

"Oh yeah, so I have my own radio show"...

[IDidItAll]

From the 4/19 show when taking calls about the greatest white athlete:

caller: "richard petty."

Ron: "sure, if you're talking about people that have drivers licenses than you gotta go with Petty."

[YellowTreatz]

From the 4/19 show when taking calls about the greatest white athlete:

caller: "richard petty."

Ron: "sure, if you're talking about people that have drivers licenses than you gotta go with Petty."



:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

[Kyle]

I've got two from today:

East Side Dave: They say the pen is mightier than the sword

Ron: I'll run a fucking sword through that guy's heart.


and

Caller: I'm gay...

Ron: I bet.

[JOHNNY HAIRDO]

From a couple of days ago,
"Women love to laugh at guys getting hit in the balls, it must the same way we laugh at abortions."

[Absolutely]

Ron: You don't know nothing about women do ya?
Fez: Not much
Ron: Hmmm, but you wanna be one.

[Lambo]

describing black earl:

your basically oil, with a nice smile....


ron rulez.

[mikeybot]

Holy shit, that one was great. I'm definitely starting to get them more. I love the 'Yea, and I have a radio show'.

[Frankie_Ballz]

"I don't forget about the sun, that fucker burns every day"

[joefrombklyn]

ron on east side dave .."it must be nice going through like you, like a fucken head wound victim"

[BeersOnTheBoat]

When the bible thumper who protests soldier's funeral was on, ended the interview, "well, see you at the next Waco."

[ChimneyFish]

Talking about if anorexia is a disease:
"I just have a hard time calling something a disease, if the cure is a slice of pizza."


I laughed like I was on nitris.

[MetalSign]

I laughed like I was on nitris.

Or nitrous. Haha.

Ron was KILLING me today with those kids...

[Stormrider666]

I hope I do it justice but here it goes:
Ron was talking about the preacher in Florida who was addicted to porn and had become born again. The preacher was now on crusade against shock jocks. Ron said we shouldn't have to suffer just because this guy can't take a didlo out of his ass without hearing Jesus. Had me fucking rolling.

[Atomic Fireball]

Just to give Fez some love and I'm sure it's an old joke but Earl says "My family is part Cherokee" and Fez says "Yeah your Indian name was Running With Stereo" - heh heh

[crescentwrench]

Lobbing those jokes just over (most of the time) that little girl's head was destroying me.

[al885]

Linay D took the "I got my own radio show" line today

[thirdmikefan]

When Ron was asking the aptitude questions to the kids... Jonah got the ones about Christopher Walken and Green Day. Little Linay's question was how many cans do you need to collect to buy a bowl of soup? I laughed like a f-ing lunatic.

[DliciusApendage]

You can pretty much pick any line from the (human) Dr. vs. Veteranarian discussion they had. Ron was killing me with that.
My newest favorite might be, "to me, Anything killed by a human was killed humanely." about the Seal clubbing (i think). Ron is Genius.

[BruceKellysJunk]

Caller: "Id just like to say that my girlfriend's a vegan and she wont suck my dick because she wont put meat in her mouth."

Ron: "She probably wont suck your dick because everytime she leans down there some other guys head is in the way. [pause] Was that too far?"


Wow, just heard it and i think i managed to butcher the line...

[mikeybot]

Fez: "I had an incident on Retard Island"
Ron: "Shit yourself again?"

It really made me giggle.

[ChimneyFish]

After ESD interrupted him -
"No wonder your girl is blowing chefs."

[Jenosyde]

This goes back to the first month they were on XM, but it cracks me up to this day:

Good news is, there's one more rail. Bad news is, you're doing it off my cock.

Here's another gem. In response to Gale O commenting on Paul hitting her :

I would never stop hitting you!!

[phillybri76]

"You're as dumb as a bag of red hair!"

God, Ron is a friggin' master...:clap:

[Five Angels]

When Dave said he wanted to name his kid "Couch" -

"If he's short, the other kids will call him Ottoman."

:clap:

[Kyle]

From today:

Dave: (in mid story) I knew a girl in college...

Ron: Yeah, one.

[TimHorton]

More Sparkle Pony Please......

[ern]

can someone post that line Ron used earlier today, when talking to Earl and Fez about ****. They were commenting on how it just hangs in the air, Ron asked Earl about it, Earl commented something to the effect of it being creepy or something then Ron said something like "you got wood huh". It was so funny, because it came at a time that can best be described as somewhat uncomfortable.

I was driving my work car and dropped my bottle of ice tea on the floor (after hearing that I was howling), the dam thing then rolled under my brake pedal, and I almost nailed the car in front of me. I gotta know the line that almost got me killed, or at least injured. And made me pay about 4.00 to vacuum all that ice tea off the floor. I hope my supervisor doesn't notice the big ass stain.

Maybe they need to start the intro with a warning.

[LiddyRules]

I laughed for 5 minutes from:

Fez: What did Ann Coulter say while being *****? A little to the right.
Ron: My God, something like this happened to Ann?

[Absolutely]

Fez: That's Bronx Johnny
Ron: That's Bronz Johnny alright, men can't take their eyes off his penis.

[thirdmikefan]

"Dave, you look like something Ron Howard just shit."

[Arch Stanton]

"Dave, you look like something Ron Howard just shit."
Very good buddy.

[Dopie Opie]

The line when he was talking about slapping a kids ass and he called it

"Sucking in their asses"

Still chuckling right now.

[jscully]

from today's show...

caller: I went and saw Nirvana, and they didn't do "Smells like Teen Spirit"

Ron B: That's why he put a bullet in his head...he didn't want that song following him around like Jacob Marley...

[Blake Karringto]

Everytime I hear that new Chili Peppers song I think of Rons line from a few weeks ago:

(Comes back from break)

"Thats the new Red Hot Chili Peppers song, off their album Every Song We Right Has To Have "California" In It"

[Blake Karringto]

I cant edit posts :icon_sad:

[okterrificsk2]

"his hand to god, he thought the phonebooks would sink."

[LiddyRules]

Not a line but the pre-Sydney Pollack interview huddle with the four main cast members and they're talking about how embarassed they are having him in because of how pathetic they are and whispering. Then Fez talks about having the image of them moving the puppet tank and it breaking and a little puppet hand washes up to Sydney Pollack's feet. That might have been one of the funniest things I have ever heard on the radio. I'm so listening to that again.

[Garyisajoke]

I think Fez had the line of the day today.

Ron was talking about hanging out with Sidney Pollack and Sean Penn and questioned, "What'll do if someone sees you, calls you a fag?" (or something to that extent.)

And Fez said, "You'll defend my honor, that's what you'll do."

I laughed my ass off. How about a Fez Whatley's Line of the Day thread?

[joefrombklyn]

I think Fez had the line of the day today.

Ron was talking about hanging out with Sidney Pollack and Sean Penn and questioned, "What'll do if someone sees you, calls you a fag?" (or something to that extent.)

And Fez said, "You'll defend my honor, that's what you'll do."

I laughed my ass off. How about a Fez Whatley's Line of the Day thread?
classic line from aunt fezzy!!:clap:

[thirdmikefan]

Ron to ESD... "What kid wouldn't want some red-headed guy living in their house jacking it to their mom?"

I laughed so hard, I spit my Moutain Dew all over my keyboeard.

[mikeybot]

Ron to ESD... "What kid wouldn't want some read-headed guy living in their house jacking it to their mom?"

I laughed so hard, I spit my Moutain Dew all over my keyboeard.


What's a read-head?
:action-sm

[Devilock]

Ronny's not supposed to be doing lines...it's a disssseeeees!

[askewcore]

But it dont make you a bad person

[Devilock]

Someone get the man some downs!

[Chimpo]

"I'll give you a Philips-head screwdriver and three hours and you're still not gonna get a bottle out of Ted Kennedy's hand."

[NortonsGravyLeg]

"I'll give you a Philips-head screwdriver and three hours and you're still not gonna get a bottle out of Ted Kennedy's hand."

Very funny fucking line, that whole break on the Kennedys he did. That man is a fucking genius.

[LiddyRules]

We're Fighting and fucking and drinking and pissing and fighting and fucking and drinking and pissing. Then play Danny Boy and they'll break down into sobs...

Bronx Johnny says hello.

[led37zep]

This is my favorite thread on wackbag since I've been a member. Ron makes me laugh my ass off. I'm suprised nobody's mentioned when harry dropped Ronnie a note reminding him it was the Marine Corps Birthday and he wrote back "Buy a cake and eat it". A classic moment!

[jagsfans]

I missed the buy a cake and eat it line.

[askewcore]

I missed the buy a cake and eat it line.

He didnt say it on the air. Someone else brought it up a couple weeks after it happened, thats when they talked about it. I think it was Bobby the No Homo Champ who brought it up actually.

[jagsfans]

I wish XM would put old R&F shows on Audible. I did'nt start listening until Jan this year.

[LiddyRules]

When discussing Superman Returns:

"The only good thing about this argument is that East Side Dave's not in here screaming about how Superman never wore a cape."

[SteveMKIIDub]

ESD: "the juries out on that one!"

Ron: "what jury?"

hahaha.. just how he says it is GOLD.

[askewcore]

"You ever tape her eyes back and make her scream ching chow while you're doing it, remind you of the old days?"

I'm still laughing

[BigBuffaloFan]

ESD: Mr. B did you watch NBA playoff game last night?

Ron: I didn't have time I was busy watching a monkey in a fish tank.

[FlavoredDecay]

ESD: Mr. B did you watch NBA playoff game last night?

Ron: I didn't have time I was busy watching a monkey in a fish tank.

Your getting this Mr. B.

White people are so scared of Black people

[thrawn42]

Not sure about the accuracy of this line since it was earlier today, but:

"Turn my chinese food into maggots? I'll fucking kill you!"

[phillybri76]

From the day when Lenay and Jonah Bobo were in studio:

"Lenay, how many cans would you have to collect to get a bowl of soup?"

[led37zep]

He didnt say it on the air. Someone else brought it up a couple weeks after it happened, thats when they talked about it. I think it was Bobby the No Homo Champ who brought it up actually.

I just remember when Anthony called in and was laughing about it. Ron said "its one of those things I don't even remember writing"

[George W. Bush]

I wish i was ron. Refering to Nicole Richie's anorexia, " She is two pukes and one shit away from being perfect"

[OsamaPlinko]

When talking about action movies and Dave brings up Sean Connery....

"The last thing Sean Connery did that I liked was beat his wife"

domestic abuse ALWAYS funny

[Arch Stanton]

I don't care if your Potsy Weber.......... ( American Idol rant)

[JOHNNY HAIRDO]

"We're all human, except eskimoes. Filty, filthy eskimoes."

[Blake Karringto]

Fez: "Maybe Bucwild should interrupt more."

I always talk about how brilliant Ron is, but then I realize that Fez is really just as brilliant.

[dilznick101]

I am butchering this perhaps someone can help.

[Talking about the guy who got fucked to death by the horse.]

Ron: Fez, if you had to have sex with a horse would you rather give or recieve.

[Long uncomfortable pause]

Fez: recieve.

[Long uncomfortable pause]

Ron: This is the Ron and Fez show we'll be right back.

[goes to commercial]

[Laplicker]

Yesterday (I think) when they were talking about that minor league Baseball player that got suspended for throwing a bat at the umpire.

ESD: I didnt know that was his third incident, if thats the case it should be 3 strikes and your out.

Fez: Since when is it 3 strikes and your out in Baseball.

(Or something like that)

[flyerfan116]

Caller - I was in boy scouts until i was 18

Ron - Yeah that's ok I have a cousin who's gay too..he brought his 'friend' from work over for christmas.

all in the delivery...gotta love ronnie

[askewcore]

While talking about the Boy Scouts

"They told me if you wanna stay in you gotta join the Weblows, I said, tell your mother to join the fucking WeBlows"

[aromain]

Its late and quiet here so i had to stifle my laugher on those last 2

[tacobelldoug]

Ron: "You keep trying to bring your weirdness back more than the dancing frog from the WB."

Ron: "I don't know if that metaphore made the slightest bit of sense."

I know I butchered the first line. :action-sm

[NortonsGravyLeg]

Ron talking to Fez about Dave
"He shits himself and you somehow have to throw yourself into that whole thing and check yourself for a turd"
fucking histerical although I probably fucked up the line

[LiddyRules]

When talking about Fez' hospital checkout day: "It's better to have her [his wife] than a guy like me who'll just say 'I don't know, sign it.'"

[tacobelldoug]

When talking about Fez' hospital checkout day: "It's better to have her [his wife] than a guy like me who'll just say 'I don't know, sign it.'"
that is subtle but quite funny. :clap: :clap: :clap:

[sweetdick]

i forget who he was talking to,(i think fezzy

ron---you should got to a psychiatrist and bolt the door shut

[thegomez]

Bronx Johnny you are everything to me, my only problem is i lost a litte respect for you when cried for Mr. Hollands Opus. Those fucking tears of shame, thats what they are to me.

[mikepop]

Fezzy mentioned something about Colt 45 (Gun)
Ron:We played a basketball team called the Colt 45's
Earl: Did you all go out for drinks after the game?
Ron:No,after the game we looked for our wallets.

[ChimneyFish]

When Dave was saying how nervous and sorry he was for ruing the Karavas gig -

ESD - "I am very nervous."
Ron - "Then tell your face."

[capnrico]

"Where you goin, Earl?!"

Every time they start getting into something gross and Earl's weak stomach kicks in. Especially the "accidental injury" discussion. "Earl, listen to me... His dick broke. Why are you laying down, Earl?"

[BillyDubbs]

ron made a fag joke about fezzie, then explained to him that sometimes he needs to do that to get from one commercial break to the next, he knows anthony's girl will get mad at him for it, but he cannot just say, "hey anthony what have you got today, hey bill burr, what have you got today, hey norton, what have you got today", and they go on for half hour while he sits back like opie does, he is working with nothing, so from time to time he has to lash out to get to the next bit and they should not get upset.

fucking gold, i apologize for butchering it

[faggothawk]

I figure I'm gonna need about 120 gators to make this thing happen, get on it Earl

[tacobelldoug]

last week when ron said: "there's only 3 people I wanna hear using the 'N' word. Earl, Bronx Johnny, and myself. (when I'm mad at earl)"

My wife has no sense of humor and she found that fuckin' hilarious.

[Jenosyde]

When Ronnie was talking about Fez being Crazy Jen's new dad.

"A daddy without wet fingers"

Ronnie B is a comedy genius

[Slurp]

"Kids that are 16 should have angel dust not puppets."

[tedskystab]

"Your dumber than a bag of red hair."

[SteveMKIIDub]

I'm just posting a comment not a quote.. but the best is to write his lines down while listening to the show.. they are toooo funny but I seem to always forget them. There has to be 10000's.

[Garyisajoke]

To Earl, on what he should have said to the attractive, black hostess:

"Tell her she smells like a white girl."

[askewcore]

Ron was on fire today. More so than usual, if thats possible.

[Kid Brock]

"You know what Earl, he played baseball too, first base, not first baseman but the actual base."

[ianmagnus]

"Earl, make sure nothing happens to my neck. I don't want to break my neck."

It was all in the delivery.

[Garyisajoke]

"My dream is to have all the races together - except for the fucking Eskimoes. You know why... fucking blubberchewers."

[Furtherman]

Earl: I've always been a good listener.

Ron: Then you should go home, get an XM unit and stop bothering me.

[phillybri76]

Early today, describing Katharine McPhee facing the judges on "American Idol":

"She's up there shaking like a dog shitting razor blades..."

[LiddyRules]

"What does he have to do? Direct a movie no one wants to see before you can book him?"

"If I find out my chef had no arms, there wouldn't be a block standing in that building."

[ProfessorAnt]

Fez: "DMX was involved in an airplane disturbance"

Ron: "You know where the found him?" <pause> "up in here."

[Dopie Opie]

When he was talking about poking the guy in the eye, and he had a glass eye...fucking hysterical.....I am still giggling right now.

[thrawn42]

Again sorry if these are slightly off, but askewcore is right. Ron was on fucking fire today and so was Fez.

Caller: "Ever heard of the Riverside Baptist Church?"
Ron: "Ever heard of the Riverbottom Nightmare Band?"

----------------------------------------------------------------

Ron: "Out in the west Texas town of El Paso, I fell in love with a Mexican girl."
Fez: "That sounds made up."

[blee]

When they were talking about the cruise deaths...
Fez-"I didn't know that there were so many. It was never reported nationally til last year with that guy went missing and they found the blood under his window and on the banister"

Ron-"Figures"
Earl then plays the White people hate black people song.
Ron-"Earl, I said figures"
Earl plays the song again
Ron-"Well Earl if your gonna be that way, Your a figures"

[oggeenice]

"I can't do Foot Food. I'd tip the server a fiver for the info, and let him know this is nothing against you. I gotta know." Classic

[Polack]

When they were talking about the cruise deaths...
Fez-"I didn't know that there were so many. It was never reported nationally til last year with that guy went missing and they found the blood under his window and on the banister"

Ron-"Figures"
Earl then plays the White people hate black people song.
Ron-"Earl, I said figures"
Earl plays the song again
Ron-"Well Earl if your gonna be that way, Your a figures"

Fucking Hillarious Mr. B Hillarious.

[expungablerobot]

"I can't wander the earth, Fez."

[faggothawk]

"Two of every animal on the planet? The thing would have to be the size of fucking Utah"

[Garyisajoke]

To a caller saying he missed "Pre-East Side Dave R'n'F"

Ron: You just want the three of us... Ron 'n' Fez?
Caller: And Earl.
Ron: Earl's the "N"

[LiddyRules]

To a caller talking about whom would you choose for gay sex:

Ron: Of course you'd be crying, you finally found yourself after all these years

[Kyle]

I don't remember it exactly, but here it goes:

Ron: I don't know what's going on in that booth but Earl is screaming at Dave...it's like that episode of Seinfeld with George...he looks like Coco the Monkey jumping up and down in there.

Hope I didn't butcher it too badly, but it was a great line today.

[BillyLiar]

"[Fez's eyebrows] Look like two catapillars butt-fucking"

[GoodDaySir]

"[Fez's eyebrows] Look like two catapillars butt-fucking"

I thought he was talking about Andy Rooney's eyebrows. That was hysterical.

[pmoney316]

Ron gets an email on his Blackberry from HQ saying they did not approve of drinking in the studio.

Ron's reply: 'Earl said we could'

[LiddyRules]

From Friday

Ron *as caller: Jerry*: Go Germany. Germany Good.

[sd187]

Caller: Is this an intervention?
Ron: No you have to care about teh person.

[JOHNNY HAIRDO]

From a week or two ago,
Ron: "Your crazy, you would'nt take a million dollars for a chest punch."
Fez: "No way I'd die."
Ron: "Hmm, can I spit in your mouth then?"
Fez: "How much?"
Ron: "A buck."
Fez: "....Yeah."

[ProfessorAnt]

I really wish I could have rewinded today. Ronnie started saying something about Katherine from American Idol lactating all over the stage during her final performance and a cross-stream of milk. It was so funny that I couldn't even keep up with him while he was ranting...if someone hears this during the RnF replay please please please quote it better.

[LiddyRules]

My LOTD: "We would have been back sooner but someone had to smoke a cigar."


"I actually colored a picture of Barabaro and sent it to Kenneth Square. It's just a big heart and says "I love you Barbaro" and I wrote "Ouch" next to his leg."

"She does have some big milk filled brestes. Maybe for the finale as she just hits that last note she just starts lactating up in the air...I'll do a singing in the milk impression"

[ern]

not a line, well not all of it.

R.B. talking after the fire drill about Earl:
We got our own Blackdraft

[dilznick101]

I'll fucking knock steven hawking out of that stupid chair.

then i'll say "now who's smart? now who's fucking smart?"

-ron bennington

[phillybri76]

"You can't bunt somebody to death..."

[TimHorton]

Ron describing how Fez and a potential rival would settle things..as Fez calling the rival out
"Get out here, I'll knock you down and, and...do your hair..."

[LiddyRules]

As the "Fez character" "I vomit after every meal and I look fabulous."

[chiefo104]

Some caller called up asking about the big ass card and he said he had been listening for 6 months and then Ron said some thing to the effect of "well ive had my own radio show for longer than 6 months." I dont no why but i thought that was fucking hillarious.

[askewcore]

This one is like a week or two old, but everytime I think about it it makes me laugh.

While talking about Dave and his lady skills a caller calls in

Caller: "Ron needs to break out his schoolbooks and take East Side Dave to school."

"....."

Ron: "I'm sure he thought the schoolbooks line would have us all jumpin around like fuckin Cosby Kids."

[BigBuffaloFan]

After the Mikey D and ESD argument

RB- "Earl I need you to be my Point man. Like in Vietnam when the black guy would take the lead. If you blow up I know I have some bad shit coming my way."

[ChinkyRick]

Ron: Fez did you cry when you saw "Ghost"
Fez: yes
Ron: I did too... I was wondering when it'll be over.


Something like that.

[FAZ8218]

Ron describing how Fez and a potential rival would settle things..as Fez calling the rival out
"Get out here, I'll knock you down and, and...do your hair..."

:clap: :clap: I wanted to post that. I got water all over my windshield from that one!

[timmykidd2104]

Earl: I could pick her up
Ron: What, in the train?

[dilznick101]

Earl: I've always considered myself an artist.

Ron: Look, being able to get three fingers into your own ass does not make you an artist.

[Kyle]

(Ron's solution to Earl's girl woes)

Ron: Fuck an infant.

Earl: I am not having sex with an infant.

Ron: You know how big your dick looks with that...super.

[Kyle]

Ron: Madonna's on her latest tour...I think it's called the "I Love My Grandchildren" tour...

[Slurp]

"I'm a fucking ADULT, you think a candy bar is going to make me forget about my problems? I need seditives."

[joefrombklyn]

After the Mikey D and ESD argument

RB- "Earl I need you to be my Point man. Like in Vietnam when the black guy would take the lead. If you blow up I know I have some bad shit coming my way."
lmao ... holy shit ron is the best!!:clap: :clap:

[joefrombklyn]

"I'm a fucking ADULT, you think a candy bar is going to make me forget about my problems? I need seditives."
u beat me too it.. classic one of the many!!!:icon_mrgr

[us1087]

When Mr. B was talking about American Idol.......
"That kid had a homo meltdown when Clay Aken came out"

Fucking Brilliant. Always.

[BuddhaLotus]

I'll fucking knock steven hawking out of that stupid chair.

then i'll say "now who's smart? now who's fucking smart?"

-ron bennington


Ive been saying this ALL FUCKING DAY.

This was the closest I have come to peeing my pants laughing since I was a child.

Great great line

[Eric5476us]

O.k let me try .... Fez talking about people bad voting on American Idol .... Fez : They all drank stupid soup ...... Ron : Man I'm starvin. Earl we got any stupid soup, I'd even settle for dumb broth :clap:

[SeaFoamGreen]

Mine was from yesterday

ESD: I called the cops once before.
Ron: What, when you lost your dick?

Mr. B is a genius

[LiddyRules]

A line Ron said awhile ago that I still laugh from was re: American Idol

Our fucking presidential voting is rigged and people are up in arms because Chris Daughtry might have to become the lead singer of Fuel.

Some of his best moments are the ones that put everything in perspective.

[Garyisajoke]

"I'll be quiet."

If you missed it, you won't get it. But while egging on Earl on to talk to the chick, Ron would chime in and blow up his spot... only to say "I'll be quiet."
Fucking great. I was in fucking tears.

[ChimneyFish]

Ronny talking about the overly tense first hour of the show :

"Just burn it like a cross in your yard, Earl. Just burn it."
"What's dat, momma, what's dat????"
"Looks like we're moving again, Earl. Looks like we're moving again.

[Garyisajoke]

During the Top 10 Conservative Songs bit, on "Sympathy for the Devil" by the Rolling Stones:

"The reason why conservatives love this one so much is because a black man was stabbed to death while it was playing at Altamont."

LINE OF THE FUCKING YEAR.

[SinA]

A line Ron said awhile ago that I still laugh from was re: American Idol

Our fucking presidential voting is rigged and people are up in arms because Chris Daughtry might have to become the lead singer of Fuel.

Some of his best moments are the ones that put everything in perspective.

he followed that one with
"why does dumb hot florida control the world?"

[Douchebag Listener]

Totally butchering this one from the other day, but Fez mentioned that someone sounded like the guy that married Martha Raye and Ron repsonded "What are you talking? You sound like the guy that married Martha Raye!"

[westben2002]

again....not exactly, but i think i got it right

(talking about american idol Katherine McPhee)

"every time she opens her mouth, and i don't want to sound redundant, she sounds like an unfuckable retard"
~ron b

[ianmagnus]

I just heard this one on the replay this morning:

(Talking to ESD):
"The fucking first sign of alcoholism is being born with red hair."

[dilznick101]

fez was talking about how he enjoyed the oxygen tube in his nose and people would ask him how he could stand it.

ron says...

"people used to ask me the same thing about me when I had a dollar bill stuck in my nose. and I'm like 'why take it down'. that was my little feeding tube. my own little feeding tube."

[Arch Stanton]

Caller....hey, is that me? Ron: I guees it is, your....

[JonnyRobinson]

Two from todays show:

(To Dave): "Yeah, we understand how to use a beverage"

also,

(To Dave): "Who doesnt like a depression era cake"

[dilznick101]

arch stanton, that was really funny and i'm not sure why. i guess it was just that the guy was so busted being a dummy. anyways, i was laughing my ass off.

[Garyisajoke]

Caller: My uncle was diagnosed with throat cancer...
Ron: I've got my own radio show.

Never gets old.

[ChoppedLiver]

from todays show:

(To Dave): "Yeah, we understand how to use a beverage"


That was great!

[NortonsGravyLeg]

Two from todays show:

(To Dave): "Yeah, we understand how to use a beverage"

Ya beat me to it, very funny fucking line:action-sm

[okterrificsk2]

Two from todays show:

(To Dave): "Yeah, we understand how to use a beverage"

also,

(To Dave): "Who doesnt like a depression era cake"


Classic, Ron Bennington. rye, sarcastic, and almost secretly mean.

[askewcore]

This might not be dead-on but you get the gist.

Fez: "There's cake in the corner, although it could be shit."

Ron: "No, it just tastes like shit, but its cake"

[I am Sparaticus]

(Talking about the new lesbian superhero)

Caller: We already had a lesbian superhero...Aquaman.

Ron: Just because you eat fish doesn't make you a lesbian.

[SinA]

"There's no place in the world that Gina Gershon doesn't make BOING."

[faggothawk]

Think Fez got it today

"Flies On My Face Fest 2006"

[mikepop]

Bronx Johnny says something off mic in the background.
Ron:Line of the day Fez,line of the day...
Fez:What???

[OnASouth]

From the ESD vs. Mikey D show when Ron is talking about the latin guys he saw yelling at some girls from a 57 chevy:

"They looked like they were on their way to fight The Jets."

[wet panties]

Just now...

"well, you still have your shoes"

[earls rage]

yah i may murder this quote.. but talking about the 3 armed baby..

fez: the one arm , not the third arm, has a hand like a talon....

ron: then the whole baby gets a bullet.

heh i spit out orange soda on my dashboard. classic.
like i said.. my short term memory is shot for reasons that will go unmentioned.. but thats the gist

[LiddyRules]

On Keith Hernandez: "Every story he says ends the same, 'those N's sure can't handle the coke.'"

After Fez tells him how none of Three Arm Boy's arms work : "Maybe the kid needs a bullet."

"I think Tom Petty ripped off Tom Petty and the Red Hot Chilli Peppers ripped off the Red Hot Chilli Peppers and they should both send a check to Dylan."

[grail]

Funniest one to me from Ron today..

"Jeremiah was a bullfrog"...

Stupid cunt keeps talking...

[expungablerobot]

"I try to make everything a positive. Even r@pe and murder. I worked at a r@pe center, and there's this girl they brought in, and it had I gone on for I guess fourteen hours, and I looked her in the eyes and said

'At least ya still got your shoes...'

...

Course she was catatonic at the time, so I wrote it on her stomach in Sharpee."

[ol' Cabey leg]

Talking about Ricky Williams going over to the CFL for a year.

"It's gonna be amazing. He will only get to carry the ball 100 times or so but he will not get tackled once." or something like that.

[Garyisajoke]

...you know, I am like the third highest rated bass player in the United States.

[ianmagnus]

I'm a little late to the dance with this one, but it's worth posting. It's from last Friday's show...

(To East Side Dave, after he received a new puppet in the mail):
"How shanty Irish did you grow up when you think bubble wrap is a toy?"

[dilznick101]

"you'll never get dressed as quick as when you wake up next to a naked dead chick."

-ron bennington

[dilznick101]

look at fez with the assist today...

"I'm not leaving the velvet spike!"


sadly too few of these from fezzie since the heart attack. i still love him, tho.

[Mobis]

Fuckin' mescaline and murder books.

[BigBuffaloFan]

"you'll never get dressed as quick as when you wake up next to a naked dead chick."

-ron bennington

You beat me to it.

[GoodDaySir]

After that religious bitch got done having the kids sing "The Pope is on Fire"...

"You know, you and I...we don't agree on everything, but at least you're good with the kids"

Talking about the church money basket being passed around a second time...

"If that basket comes around a second time I'm taking something"

[GoodDaySir]

I have to update one of the quotes for accuracy..

"If it comes around a second time I'm takin' something out. Now you're playing games".

[SeaFoamGreen]

I am probably butchering this but when discussing the NBA Finals...

Ron : "You know why I can't pull for Dallas? November 22, 1963 my friend.


:clap:

[SinA]

"Bronx Johnny: The Sweetheart of the Rodeo"

[MilkmanDan]

"I'll put up the money for a Late-Term"

Ronny talking about impregnating every girl he cares about then dumping them 4 months into the pregnancy

[Slapdoodle]

"I'll put up the money for a Late-Term"

Ronny talking about impregnating every girl he cares about then dumping them 4 months into the pregnancy

Yeah, I'm gonna have to second that.

[SeaFoamGreen]

Probably not exactly how it was said but...

Ron: I never admitted this in public but I was a cutter. Not myself, other people. If I was anxious, I just drew a little blood. I didn't cut a vein, unless she mouthed off.

[zentraed]

After a caller mentions OJ:

"What's he saying, Fez? I don't understand hayseed."

and then, on why he doesn't hate OJ:

"Well, personally I don't because a) that was OJ's wife. Who am I to step in? And b) I believe we've all had bad service in restaurants before."

[Shaggz]

Caller: I have four 6's in my birthday, what's that mean?

Ron: That means that you're the Devil, and you're gay.

[yvj]

Fez: Billy Preston had been in coma since November

.5 seconds later

Ron: I thought he was just quiet. I had no idea that was what was going on. Up to that point I thought he was just press shy.


Once again quick and hilarious

[Blake Karringto]

(Whispering) "Wake up Fez, you just had a dream where you can talk logic to Christians."

On Daves childhood encounter with Keith Hernandez:

"He sees a fucking lightbulb with red hair coming towards him..."

Going back a few weeks:

"I see Mickey Rourke, looking like 45 bucks."

[JOHNNY HAIRDO]

On Dave saying he's part German:
Ron:"Get the fuck out of here, have you ever looked in the mirror your so Irish you look like Bono's dick."

[Hottub]

"If I see a kid in my yard. Just takin' a shortcut to school, I'll fuckin' clip him! No warning shot!"

[Turtle]

Ron's rant about people being negative/down on O&A/and not helping out the shows was great. It needed to be said and he did a great job of driving home the message.
Bronx Johnny for third mic

[LiddyRules]

On Shirley Phelps Roeper protesting Fez's funeral.

Ron: I'd give her a microphone,
Fez: What?!
Ron: I'd go to your family and tell them "Wait 'till you hear this nutty song."

[faggothawk]

On whether or not to shit and piss through your smoke pants

"I think I'd have to turn them off, I really do, but that's me I'm old school"

[RotorHead]

I submit that just about everything that comes out of Mr. B's mouth is funny. You'd have to write the whole show in this thread.

[Cunty McShitballs]

On whether or not to shit and piss through your smoke pants

"I think I'd have to turn them off, I really do, but that's me I'm old school"

The whole "smoke pants" bit was brilliant. You got the best line, but here are some other good ones:

On the privacy issue:
"I'm not going to have my cock swing out of my smoke pants"

Responding to potential issues:
"farting in smoke pants.....hmmm, I'm going to have to run tests on this."

Prototyping smoke pants:
"right now I'm just going to light a cigar and blow smoke on your ass"

Response to ESD suggesting boxer-briefs was as important an idea:
"hey...you really think that's a leap ahead, like smoke pants?"

In the movie theater with your girl:
"She wants to put her face in some smoke, that's up to her. It might even come in different flavors"

ESD contributes a dumb idea:
"Why don't you just get some denims? I don't see you in smoke pants."

[Garyisajoke]

"If my chick was killed, I don't think 1.6 million would help me sleep better at night."

Not funny, but very touching. We don't get to hear that side of Ron too often.

[JOHNNY HAIRDO]

Earl discussing a date he was supposed to have.
Earl: "That fell apart, she had a major emergency."
Ron: "Yeah I'd have that too, if I had a date with you."

[MilkmanDan]

Ron "It's like having Donnie Most go through your Computer"
Fez "He's our Donnie Least"

Fez wins line of the day

[Garyisajoke]

On Finding Nemo:

"You know what I do with fish? I fucking eat them!"

[I am Sparaticus]

Ron "It's like having Donnie Most go through your Computer"
Fez "He's our Donnie Least"

Fez wins line of the day

Fezzie wins...but for the "West Side Highway" comment about Dave's girlfriend

[Furtherman]

To little 9 year old Lenay D:

"Would you rather have braces or a sign that says Holland Tunnel?"

[Kyle]

Ron: Have you ever kissed a boy?

Lenay D: No!

Ron: How old are you?

Lenay D: Nine

Ron: Hmm...by the time I was that age I already knew my way to the clinic...but those were different times.

[MilkmanDan]

Ron to Dave "You add 6 inches to everybody, just like your dick"

[Redding]

Ron on MLB Pitchers: They cant even jerk off...there worried they might pull there ACL

[ChimneyFish]

caller: "I had a hemet save my life, back in '76."

Ronny: "Well great, why don't you go give speeches at churches and schools."

[dilznick101]

fez: i'd prefer the grim RAPER.

ron: of course. you'd probably prefer that over stones tickets


As always the genius was in the delivery

[TJLamb0518]

I don't even think a homeless person wants to drink a Mountain Dew...

[JOHNNY HAIRDO]

Dave:" I like a little adventure, a little carzy in my life."
Ron: "Really, is that why you keep your hair that way?"

[Kyle]

Disclaimer: I know I'm probably butchering this quote.

(Ron lecturing Earl, Dave, and Fez on dating)

Ron: And what I'll never understand about you guys is if you don't have a chick, you at least have a beast that nobody knows about

[TheKris]

When they were talking about true love and Ron said something like "I know I had a girl that I was so madly in love with. And everytime I fucked her friend, she was the only thing on my mind."
I'm sure I butchered the line but I was laughing too hard and trying to remember the line the whole drive home.

[hwyengr]

Ron: "If you're not selling Old Spice, take off the turtleneck."

[SinA]

About Avril Lavigne: "She looks like she'd just perfectly fit on your dick. You'd even have to pinch her at the top a little to roll her on."

[LiddyRules]

This is more Fez's line but
Ron: When you see the ghost, there is one line you must say three times.
*hands Fez paper*
Fez: Kill me, kill me, kill me?

[Arch Stanton]

Give me a 38...I'm blowing my fucking brains out.

[dilznick101]

john mayer: i actually owned a bear suit before the show.

ron: sure. why wouldn't you?

[pmoney316]

When he went off on that kid that called today:

Kid:'my name is Taylor from Mesa, Arizona...cleveland is beating the yankees 2 to 1'
Ron: 'who helped you with this phone call kid?
Kid: 'I don't know'
Ron: 'I'm flying out to Mesa Arizona, comin to your house, throwin you in the trunk and driving you around the desert, you'll wear a wig and lipstick...and take the lipstick and write 'I'm bad' on your stomach'

just typing it out makes me laugh

[Arch Stanton]

QUOTE=pmoney316]When he went off on that kid that called today:

Kid:'my name is Taylor from Mesa, Arizona...cleveland is beating the yankees 2 to 1'
Ron: 'who helped you with this phone call kid?
Kid: 'I don't know'
Ron: 'I'm flying out to Mesa Arizona, comin to your house, throwin you in the trunk and driving you around the desert, you'll wear a wig and lipstick...and take the lipstick and write 'I'm bad' on your stomach'

just typing it out makes me laugh[/QUOTE]

Well reading it is even funnier. Well done.

[Hardcore Pride]

QUOTE=pmoney316]When he went off on that kid that called today:

Kid:'my name is Taylor from Mesa, Arizona...cleveland is beating the yankees 2 to 1'
Ron: 'who helped you with this phone call kid?
Kid: 'I don't know'
Ron: 'I'm flying out to Mesa Arizona, comin to your house, throwin you in the trunk and driving you around the desert, you'll wear a wig and lipstick...and take the lipstick and write 'I'm bad' on your stomach'

just typing it out makes me laugh

Well reading it is even funnier. Well done.[/QUOTE]


That was the only part of the show I heard today and boy was it funny! :clap:

[Sprite]

On Daves childhood encounter with Keith Hernandez:

"He sees a fucking lightbulb with red hair coming towards him..."


Thank you for posting that one. I LOST it when he called Dave a 'fucking lightbulb'. Beyond hysterical. :clap:


Edit - It would be awesome if someone would photoshop a red wig onto a glowing light bulb and post it here!!!

[LiddyRules]

"Funny wigs and sunglasses in your Ramone's cover band...that's punk."

His entire Triumph spiel was classic:

"Is this the kind of shit you think Dave [not ESD] tells his kids at night when he's drunk?"
"If I was getting *****, this is the song I'd demand the rapist play so I have some place to focus my hate."

[okterrificsk2]

On 6-15 show:
In regards to that tall soccer player on the England world cup team.

"He's so gangly he looks like he should be attacking 9/11 widows!"

Loved that one made me think for 2.5 seconds and then i got it and i laughed and laughed.
:clap:

[RotorHead]

6/16:

Trucker Jay: Blah, blah, blah
Ron: You done Trucker Jay?
(Click)
Ron: There you go.

[I am Sparaticus]

Ron: If this really were a human race, Steven Hawking would finish last. Do you know how slow that fucker is?

[LiddyRules]

Re: The Al Dukes V Earl Flu Fight- "They IVed him as soon as he left the ring. Then the crowd start to rock the ambulence saying 'Die Faggot Die." In hindsight, it wasn't a good thing."

[APortablePhone]

Rocket calls the Ron & Fez show.

Rocket: If you know about Charles Darwin, he came up with that theory before there were cars.
Ron: Rocket, here’s where the real answers are…the bible.
Rocket: That’s what I think too.
Ron: Thank you! I had a feeling that you and I were going to agree on that. That science can’t be proven, but the bible can. And you know why? That’s the word of God.

Ron: Rocket, how old is the world?
Rocket: 6,000 years.
Ron: TOPS! I’m saying at the outside, 6,000 years.
Fez: Not 400 million?
Ron: No, no, no, no. 6,000.

Ron: The only thing that can be proven is the bible.
Rocket: Right, because the bible is eyewitness accounts…
Ron: Eyewitness accounts of Noah’s Ark, and the giant with the slingshot. That stuff is proven fact.

Ron: I know you want to be a paleontologist Fez.
Fez: Right.
Ron: The dinosaurs…are fake put there by Godless communists.

Ron: Rather than listen to these learned scientists, and their machines and their computers. I’d rather pay attention to some hayseed minister that I just walked into in the Midwest. You know why?
Fez: Why?
Ron: He’s holdin’ the book. You know what that book is called?
Fez: No.
Ron: Bible.

Rocket: Well then call a spade a spade, sorry Earl, but if a theory is a theory call it a theory.
Ron: Right. And what will we call the bible, mythology?

[Arch Stanton]

You know where the Ark was.....57th Street between 6th and 7th Avenues .......THAT'S RIGHT HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Douchebag Listener]

Ron doing the "That's where we are!" thing still has me cracking up.

[faggothawk]

What kind of scientist you want to be, Earl? A black one? :icon_bigg

[DREW]

Fez: "I'd rather see Grim Raper then Grim Ripper"
Ron: "You would take raper over the Stones tickets..."

[thrawn42]

"You've got holes in your shirt like you've been gang***** by stingrays."

[Five Angels]

I don't even know who he was talking about when he said this, but it killed me: "If I ever see that fuckin' guy again, I'll kick him until he's dead."

[Sprite]

no lightbulb with red hair photoshop yet? :icon_sad:

[AlbanyGreatDane]

Any Caller: "Love The Show"

Ron: "Thanks For Judging"

[Legend of Snuka]

About a week or so ago they were talking about the world ending.... I'll probably massacre the qoute but...

ron goes something along the lines "If the world's ending I'm taking out that son of a bitch Tully Blanchard. That guy didn't deserve shit."

Any old school NWA wrestling references are brilliant..

[askewcore]

Rocket calls the Ron & Fez show.

You deserve credit for typing that shit out. That was the best caller of the week.

[thrawn42]

"Hey Dreidle! Put those pictures away before I drop your ass."

[Standby]

I forget what the caller was calling about or the aftermath but it was one of the smarter listeners calling in and saying "Now Ron, I know you have your own radio show, but..." before he makes a statement about something.

Ron... quiet. Didn't know how to respond to that one.

[ProfessorAnt]

Ron's advice to Lenay "When you grow up you can try to trick a man into a marriage. Your mom'll tell you how to do that."

[flyerfan116]

from one day last week...friday maybe? computer was down so i didn't get a chance to post it but...

Ron: Earl you can be the first black scientist

Earl: There already are black scientists

Ron: Name one

Earl: uhhh I can't ....

Ron: see

[Sprite]

Ron's advice to Lenay "When you grow up you can try to trick a man into a marriage. Your mom'll tell you how to do that."

Ron to Lenay about her mother....

"I think it's wonderful what she's been able to do since rehab..."

:clap:

[Ben's Juicy Hog]

caller: my girlfriend doesn't suck my dick because she doesn't eat meat.

Ron: Actually it's probably because when she goes down there, there's already another guys head there.

[LiddyRules]

I said this in the listening thread but it can't go unacknowledge.

Ron and Fez are talking to the Deal or No Deal Girl.
Girl: "I don't want to sound like a dummy, what's AIDS?"
Ron: "Now I really want to date you."

I also laughed when he said to Earl's possible illness "If you say sickle-cell, I'll never stop crying."

[joefrombklyn]

On Shirley Phelps Roeper protesting Fez's funeral.

Ron: I'd give her a microphone,
Fez: What?!
Ron: I'd go to your family and tell them "Wait 'till you hear this nutty song."
LMAO:clap: :clap: by far one of the top threads on wackbag!!

[DREW]

F-n Ron , he is just more vicious then O&A together

Ron: "Once, Fez told me these three guys fucked me up the ass" so I'm wandering what is he trying to say?

[ianmagnus]

A gem from Ron right out of the gate today:

"Women can't put together a team or build a bridge. Women can complain about men, but without us they'd never get across a river."

[Arch Stanton]

Earl:I had no way of contacting you guys

Ron: Wht didn't you just jump up and down like a monkey

[Dopie Opie]

I got two for you not direct quotes but it work...

Telling Dave that in his mouth should be a "Dead dogs Dick" Thats right you would be better off sucking a dead dog's dick.

And prior to that he was saying that in previous times he would have gone crazy, but now he is "working with F fucking troop"

Thanks for the laughs Ronnie you are the fuckin best

[DREW]

Ron to Dave: "If it would be a civilised world you would be sucking a dead dogs dick!"

[HumpX]

This probably got posted already but one day last week:

Ron (to Dave): "When they talked about the meek inheriting the earth they were talking about fucking idiots like you!"

[frago]

I'd put my finger in her ass, but I'd lick it first see cause thats the k8ind of person I am.
I aint gonna go around shoving fingers in peoples asses without lubrication.

[SmokePants]

Right now Dave, you smell like boiled potatoes, stale whiskey....and a certain amount of jizz.

[askewcore]

To Dave:

"If there was any justice in this world, instead of talking right now, you'd be sucking on a dead dog's dick."

[Capt'n Obvious]

After hearing Connie Chung singing...

"See Fezzie there are worse things then dying"

[acnessen]

I can't quote it directly yet (hopefully I'll catch it on the replay) but the 4 min. or so when Ronnie was talking about how he conducts himself in job interviews. I haven't laughed that hard in a long fucking time

[OnASouth]

a caller tells fez that he should go out and screw as many women as possible because life is too short...

ron says: "if he had one, i'd be fuckin' shocked"

[expungablerobot]

"Know when you're not nervous? When the other guy's nervous"- followed by the scenario of walking up to the bank teller and his suit with a .38.

[MinusBlindfold]

About the World Cup...

Ron - "The American Dream is over...Ghana over the US 2 to 1...
Fezzie, is this better or worse than 9/11?"

Fez - "uh, better?"

Ron (disgusted)- "Where's your American Pride?"

[weezcase]

anytime ronnie says he is gonna be a widower if fez dies makes me laugh

[faggothawk]

If I won 1600 dollars in cash cab, in 35 minutes I'd be drunk, and in an hour I'd be arrested.

and of course

I'm an operating son of a bitch

great show today

[JOHNNY HAIRDO]

"When I go to the emergency room, I see a lot of things I don't like, but I do see a lot of brests and vaginas which makes up for it."

[dilznick101]

Ron: You know what you do if you find yourself in hell?

Fez: What?

Ron: Say, "Does anybody got a jacket?". JUST FUCK WITH THEIR HEADS A LITTLE!

i love it when they throw on 60's music and ron starts getting all trippy saying weird shit. fucking hilarious.

[boomgoesthedyna]

Ron: "And you thought we had a problems with the blacks....wait 'til we're dealing with fuckin robots"

Earl: "Noone likes an uppity robot"

great line by Ronnie, good follow-up by Earl

[dilznick101]

agreed

[SweetPotatoPune]

I bring up a Woody Allen movie and people look at me like a genuis can't fuck thier stepdaughter

[ChimneyFish]

A fan brings up how God is so unforgiving:

"Yeah, when I see all those African AIDS babies, I can see what an extremely sweet guy he is."

[Kyle]

(During the discussion about the end of the world)

Ron: I want to just wake up one morning and see the Four Horseman riding down the street. And then I'll knock one of those fuckers right off.

[lankytuesday]

*said to placate any listener who might have been offended by the idea of ron advocating the .... of retarded people*

"Now when I say ****** retarded people, I'm not talking about Americans."

hysterical.

[SmokePants]

When talking about Fez getting the boots put to him by altar boys...

Fez: That would really hurt my feelings.

Ron: Hurt your feelings or do you mean you would be lying there in the parking lot with a boner?

At the end of the show talking about Fezzie in Mister Roberts.

"That was the only version of the play that ended with Mr. Roberts gently fucking Ensign Pulver as the boat sailed off into the South Pacific."

[steveperry26]

while talking about getting a feather in your chicken wings....

Fez:Lets order some wings I guarantee there will be a pin feather in one of them.

Ron:I'll fuckin eat them up I'll crush those things...I'm starving right now...Earl you got a bucket of wings over there?

Earl:We just ran out.

Ron:......someones been eatin wingssss....

[Cozmik]

My favorite line from a couple of months ago:

Paul O (talking about "Flight 93" opening): People are going to die because of this movie.

Ron: Yeah... that's a little much to hope for.

[MilkmanDan]

Ron to Lenay : The school gave you lice ?

Fez : That's what they give the asian kids for lunch.

[BigBuffaloFan]

A caller with a great line:

Everytime Fez says pussy it always comes out cock.

[BigBuffaloFan]

Ron talking to Lenya:

Ron: So Lenya how old are you?
Lenya : 9
Ron: Have you kissed a boy yet?
Lenya: No
Ron: By the time I was your age I knew my way to the clinic

[jobson]

"The Earth is coming to an end. You know what I say? Dance mother fucker."

[jobson]

Ron talking to Fez about him going to hell:

"You know what you say when you get down to hell? Anybody got a jacket?"

[OnASouth]

From when they were talking about Fez stealing a sopranos story about the surprise party for his mother:

Ron: You stole that from the sopranos, you're throwing a surprise party for Big Pussy.

Fez: It's for my mother!

Ron: Big Pussy!

I lost it.

[MilkmanDan]

Ron - "You know what movie makes me cry? Scarface. Knowing he died with that big mountain of coke just laying there..."

[Tomisgood]

When talking about animal super heroes.

Fez: "What super power would a goat have?, he would just sit there and eat cans."

Ron: "It always comes back to that with you people huh?....gross, fucking gross"

[Garyisajoke]

After slapping Aqua Velva on Dave's newly shaved eyebrow.

Fez: That wasn't gentle at all.
Ron: I tried my best...

And as always, it's all about Ron's perfect delivery.

[RonandFezXM202]

at the very end of the show when talking about actors that try to also sing

caller: ron remeber traci lords the porn star?

ron: yeah your right she did both too sucked dick and fucked...cya

[Jimmy's Dignity]

talkin about burning a flag or a bible....

"Now me, I won't even burn a steak. I'll bring you back a bible, nice grill marks on the outside, but nice and rare on the inside"

[DustBuster]

The whole flag burning discussion is excellent.

Ron: Fez, would you ever burn a cross?
Fez: no, I would never burn a cross.
Ron: Wait, not if Jesus was on it...

[timmykidd2104]

When fez said that he wouldn't kill baby hitler

Ron: You my friend can never be a terminator.

[phillybri76]

"Why would it be harder, you've got a degree AND tits!"

[ChoppedLiver]

" I don't have a degree in anything, and I go home and fuck a bag of money..."

[timmykidd2104]

Ron: I don't have a degree in anything and you know what I do everyday when I get outta here? I go home and fuck a bag of money.

[Pig_Benis]

6-27-06 - "I've got no degrees in anything, and you know what? When I go home I fuck a bag of money."

Speaking about people getting useless degrees.

[Pig_Benis]

WOW 3 of us on that one line. Im still laughing at it.

[ProfessorAnt]

i was coming to post the same line. could be the greatest Ron line of the year.

[Pig_Benis]

that line was so good I have to stay up to hear it on the replay.

[Slow Bollards]

Patronizing Dave about his NY in the Sky idea:

"...it is a good idea, you must be the smartest 5 year-old ever."

I truly love Ron.

[Moose Knuckle]

The line Ron says about letting West Side suck his dick and saying "I hope she likes the taste of piss" had me laughing out loud

[Polack]

Ron talking to Earl..... We brought your people over here for free!!

[thrawn42]

I'm gonna call this guy up right now and tell him I was down at the food court and saw his wife pullin a train near the fuckin schnitzel barn.

[expungablerobot]

(paraphrased)
Ron: "I'd never burn a Bible. I'd fillet that fucker up, and serve it with perfect fuckin grill marks."

Fez: "Real pink around the Psalms."

[Jimmy's Dignity]

Earl: But the N-word has lasted through the ages...
Ron: Yeah...one of the best

[phillybri76]

"Try lickin' the balls once in a while!!!"