WMB
08-09-2006, 03:36 PM
Saw this bullshit on MSN today and thought what a bunch of sugar coated drivel. So, I thought I would add truth to the list. Feel free to add your own input.
11 "Don't-Tell-the-Wife" Secrets All Men Keep
By Ty Wenger (http://lifestyle.msn.com/Relationships/CouplesandMarriage/ArticleRB.aspx?cp-documentid=604574)
Secret #1: Yes, we fall in lust 10 times a day -- but it doesn't mean we want to leave you
If there was a way to act on that lust without causing a divorce, I'd be a fucking man-whore.
Secret #2: We actually do play golf to get away from you
And go to strip clubs and stare at tits for a couple hours to forget about your bitching and tantrums for no apparent reasons. Somehow looking at another woman's tits and ass takes blood from my brain and uses it elsewhere so I don't have to think (about you).
Secret #3: We're unnerved by the notion of commitment, even after we've made one to you
You betcha. A lifetime with one person is a hell of a long time, and I haven't shied away from telling you that before.
Secret #4: Earning money makes us feel important
"My wife and I are both reporters at the same newspaper," says Jeffrey Newton, 33, of Fayetteville, South Carolina. "Five years into our marriage I still check her pay stub to see how much more an hour I make than she does. And because she works harder, she keeps closing the gap."
But if you can bring home serious cash, don't let me stand in your way. Shit the more money the better. So I say if we work harder together, we're all better off then, right? Who the fuck cares.
Secret #5: Though we often protest, we actually enjoy fixing things around the house
*sarcasm*Yep. I love fixing shit you and the kids break. I live for it! There's nothing better I can think of doing than unclogging the toilet you flushed two tampons and a half a roll of toilet paper in.*sarcasm*
Secret #6: We like it when you mother us, but we're terrified that you'll become your mother
Sorry, I lived with a mother for 23 years, and I didn't move away from her so you could talk to me like I'm a ten year old. Save it for the kids and leave me for the adult arguments.
Secret #7: Every year we love you more
Every year is one year closer to death.
Secret #8: We don't really understand what you're talking about
I'm not affraid to admit this, and I do on a regular basis. It's probably because I'm not listening to a word you say most of the time.
Secret #9: We are terrified when you drive
Unless you're by yourself and I'm not in the driveway when you're backing up.
Secret #10: We'll always wish we were 25 again
25 and single so I can fuck your hot friends and maybe a sibling or two.
Secret #11: Give us an inch and we'll give you a lifetime
I was on a trip to Mexico, standing on a beach, waxing my surfboard and admiring the glistening 10-foot waves, when I decided to marry the woman who is now my wife. Sure, this was three years before I got around to popping the question. But that was when I knew.
Why? Because she'd let me go on vacation alone. Hell, she made me go. This is the most important thing a man never told you: If you let us be dumb guys, if you embrace our stupid poker night, if you encourage us to go surfing -- by ourselves -- our silly little hearts, with their manly warts and all, will embrace you forever for it.
And that's the truth.
Sure, she let you do this before you were married. Try it now shitdick. When they're girlfriends not only will they suck your dick, they'll let you cum in they're mouth. Once the "I Do's" are over, the "I Dont's" are right around the corner.
11 "Don't-Tell-the-Wife" Secrets All Men Keep
By Ty Wenger (http://lifestyle.msn.com/Relationships/CouplesandMarriage/ArticleRB.aspx?cp-documentid=604574)
Secret #1: Yes, we fall in lust 10 times a day -- but it doesn't mean we want to leave you
If there was a way to act on that lust without causing a divorce, I'd be a fucking man-whore.
Secret #2: We actually do play golf to get away from you
And go to strip clubs and stare at tits for a couple hours to forget about your bitching and tantrums for no apparent reasons. Somehow looking at another woman's tits and ass takes blood from my brain and uses it elsewhere so I don't have to think (about you).
Secret #3: We're unnerved by the notion of commitment, even after we've made one to you
You betcha. A lifetime with one person is a hell of a long time, and I haven't shied away from telling you that before.
Secret #4: Earning money makes us feel important
"My wife and I are both reporters at the same newspaper," says Jeffrey Newton, 33, of Fayetteville, South Carolina. "Five years into our marriage I still check her pay stub to see how much more an hour I make than she does. And because she works harder, she keeps closing the gap."
But if you can bring home serious cash, don't let me stand in your way. Shit the more money the better. So I say if we work harder together, we're all better off then, right? Who the fuck cares.
Secret #5: Though we often protest, we actually enjoy fixing things around the house
*sarcasm*Yep. I love fixing shit you and the kids break. I live for it! There's nothing better I can think of doing than unclogging the toilet you flushed two tampons and a half a roll of toilet paper in.*sarcasm*
Secret #6: We like it when you mother us, but we're terrified that you'll become your mother
Sorry, I lived with a mother for 23 years, and I didn't move away from her so you could talk to me like I'm a ten year old. Save it for the kids and leave me for the adult arguments.
Secret #7: Every year we love you more
Every year is one year closer to death.
Secret #8: We don't really understand what you're talking about
I'm not affraid to admit this, and I do on a regular basis. It's probably because I'm not listening to a word you say most of the time.
Secret #9: We are terrified when you drive
Unless you're by yourself and I'm not in the driveway when you're backing up.
Secret #10: We'll always wish we were 25 again
25 and single so I can fuck your hot friends and maybe a sibling or two.
Secret #11: Give us an inch and we'll give you a lifetime
I was on a trip to Mexico, standing on a beach, waxing my surfboard and admiring the glistening 10-foot waves, when I decided to marry the woman who is now my wife. Sure, this was three years before I got around to popping the question. But that was when I knew.
Why? Because she'd let me go on vacation alone. Hell, she made me go. This is the most important thing a man never told you: If you let us be dumb guys, if you embrace our stupid poker night, if you encourage us to go surfing -- by ourselves -- our silly little hearts, with their manly warts and all, will embrace you forever for it.
And that's the truth.
Sure, she let you do this before you were married. Try it now shitdick. When they're girlfriends not only will they suck your dick, they'll let you cum in they're mouth. Once the "I Do's" are over, the "I Dont's" are right around the corner.