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Three Hole Puncher
10-30-2006, 09:14 PM
I'm a fancy man, so I'll be handing out Godiva chocolates and twenty dollar bills. Gotta keep the little extortionists happy... don't want them to TP my trees, shaving creme my hooptie, or egg my crib. Gotta let them wet their beaks.

Does anybody hand out apples anymore? Like the old bat in my neighborhood when I was a kid... I shoulda thrown that shit right back at her brittle old head.

Homemade popcorn balls... fuck that noise, you deserve to have your house torched, or your family pet killed for handing out that nonsense.

We had this one dude in my neighborhood who used to hand out fudgeicles... by the hundreds... that dude rawcked!

Another old goat broad used to toss pennies in our loot bags... one penny per kid... as if. She ran out of pennies at like 7 o'clock and tried the ol' "Turn off the lights and pretend nobody's home" trick. Like we're a pack of retards. Such disrespect. We wrecked her shit... tore up her entire flower bed, and smashed her birdbath.

What 'vig' will you be giving the little bastards when they come around running their little protection racket tomorrow night?
d0uche_n0zzle
10-30-2006, 09:21 PM
Nothing.

You fuck with me or my property and you get 00 buck in the ass.
MONKEY
10-30-2006, 09:40 PM
Crap.... thanks for reminding me. I have to go buy some tomarrow in case anyone show up tomarrow.
Three Hole Puncher
10-30-2006, 09:45 PM
Nothing.

You fuck with me or my property and you get 00 buck in the ass.

Yeah... we used to love guys like that.

Had this one grubby old alchy down at the end of the road who used to sic his vicious dog on us as we trick or treated. A little Drano rolled up in baloney fixed the mutt's ass, and then we stuck the guy's garden hose through the mail slot at three in the morning and let 'er rip. By the time the drunk came to in the morning, he had about three feet of water in his basement... took out his water heater and his furnace. They had an article in the paper about it the next day. We beamed with pride.
SurlyTruckDrivr
10-30-2006, 09:46 PM
Bowls of candy and goodies waiting in store
the sound of cute little footsteps as they approach my front door
letting the children inside to drink beer
razor blades hidden in three musketeers
screams from the basement of kids begging to be set free

a fine song from mr Lynch
d0uche_n0zzle
10-30-2006, 09:48 PM
Yeah... we used to love guys like that.

Had this one grubby old alchy down at the end of the road who used to sic his vicious dog on us as we trick or treated. A little Drano rolled up in baloney fixed the mutt's ass, and then we stuck the guy's garden hose through the mail slot at three in the morning and let 'er rip. By the time the drunk came to in the morning, he had about three feet of water in his basement... took out his water heater and his furnace. They had an article in the paper about it the next day. We beamed with pride.

It's good thing all the neighbors are wary of me. Doubtful, they'd even let the bastards eat any candy I give anyway.
CM Mark
10-30-2006, 09:51 PM
I don't give out candy, I give out life lessons.



Now this is how you suck a cock. Use more tounge you 8 year old whore!!
WhiteHonkyDevil
10-30-2006, 11:51 PM
Wow, I feel like a shmuck now...

3 Musketeers
Mike n Ike
Hot Tamales
Butterfingers
Butterfinger Crisps
Reese's peanurr burr cups, fast break, and pieces
Hersheys regular chocolate bars
Junior Mints
Tootsie Rolls

All in "fun size"...what I don't have for 'size' I make up for in selection.
generoso
10-31-2006, 12:13 AM
I got a bunch of Gummy eyeballs from costco this year. And as always highlighters. Not go off thinking highliters are stupid. This is the 5th year and every year I get more people just for the highlighters..
mikeybot
10-31-2006, 12:32 AM
'candy apples with razor blades'
wes mantooth
10-31-2006, 08:48 AM
Me and the girlfriend go out for dinner and a movie every Halloween. Every savage for miles around descends on our subdivision like a swarm of locusts.

Fuck'em.
DirtyRiderGirl
10-31-2006, 09:38 AM
Chocolate and only chocolate. We used to hate the cheap fucks who gave out nothing but rolls of those Smarties that tasted like flavored chalk, bags of pennies, popcorn balls, etc. And those goddamn Wendy's coupons for frosties, when there isn't a Wendy's within 30 miles.

And if any of these neighborhood hoodlums fucks with my shit, they're getting stabbed in the eye. Two years ago, my husband caught some little bastards smashing our pumpkins in the driveway. He chased them down and made them clean up every last bit of it. They went home crying, the little fags. But we haven't had that problem since.
Sinn Fein
10-31-2006, 12:25 PM
We live on a main road (speed limit 40 but everyone does at least 50, and there are no sidewalks), so we really dont get any trick-or-treaters.
DoughBoy
10-31-2006, 12:56 PM
We live on a main road (speed limit 40 but everyone does at least 50, and there are no sidewalks), so we really dont get any trick-or-treaters.

My entire life I've lived on main roads like this and I've NEVER gotten a trick-or-treater.
Sct Ptersns Twn
10-31-2006, 12:58 PM
Homemade icing in the face.
stevenle
10-31-2006, 01:06 PM
Chocolate and only chocolate. We used to hate the cheap fucks who gave out nothing but rolls of those Smarties that tasted like flavored chalk, bags of pennies, popcorn balls, etc. And those goddamn Wendy's coupons for frosties, when there isn't a Wendy's within 30 miles.

And if any of these neighborhood hoodlums fucks with my shit, they're getting stabbed in the eye. Two years ago, my husband caught some little bastards smashing our pumpkins in the driveway. He chased them down and made them clean up every last bit of it. They went home crying, the little fags. But we haven't had that problem since.


I so bought smarties just for the kids with crappy or no costume at all. Peanut butter cups for the rest.
UnOriginal
10-31-2006, 01:44 PM
Kids going to my door get harvested organs and pro-stem cell research pamphlets.
Beeman99
10-31-2006, 02:05 PM
I had 130 bastards last year, and I'll probably have more this year (although it is colder than shit here today). I spent $150 on candy, only for the fact that I don't want to wake up in the morning to any surprises.
25133WhooOoAH
10-31-2006, 05:16 PM
shit im not doing shit today and fergot, i never bought candy for th elil fuckers i hope noone comes around........
d0uche_n0zzle
10-31-2006, 05:26 PM
Put a pedophile notice in the door or window and watch the li'l fuckers parents whisk them off.
Hudson
10-31-2006, 05:28 PM
Soup and a box of tissues
Maki
10-31-2006, 05:35 PM
I'm handing out lit firecrackers. :icon_mrgr
blee
10-31-2006, 06:16 PM
Reese's PeanutButter Cups
Junior Mints
Caramels
Pixie Stix
Bubble Gum
M&Ms
and other sugary treats
SurlyTruckDrivr
10-31-2006, 06:45 PM
nothing, I hate kids and I hate Halloween
tar_baby
10-31-2006, 06:53 PM
vodka
B54
10-31-2006, 06:57 PM
vodka

I am stopping by.
Ploppy
10-31-2006, 07:15 PM
Snickers, Peanut Butter Cups..etc for the kids and a bowl of mini bottles and ciggarettes for the adults. I'm Mr. Popular.

I got a bunch of Gummy eyeballs from costco this year.

I just tried one of those today. They are quite tasty.

Every savage for miles around descends on our subdivision like a swarm of locusts.


I can't stand that shit. The darker the kids, whiter the neighborhood they get dropped off in. Don't these "people" understand that that candy was bought with earned taxed money for white children? I have kicked around the idea of employing the "shwoogie bowl" that was brought up on the show a couple of years ago.

I so bought smarties just for the kids with crappy or no costume at all. Peanut butter cups for the rest.

I don't even give the little fuckers that don't wear a costume that much. Last year some fat kid in about the 6th or 7th grade came up to the door and started salivating at the bowl of Snickers and Reeses Peanut Butter Cups in my hand. I said "You're not even wearing a costume." He said, "So?" I said, "Next year put a little more effort into it." and closed the door. It doesn't take much effort to put a costume together. I don't care how poor you are. A tube of lipstick and some powder and voila...you're a vampire.

I have to finish getting the yard ready. I put out a projector and show "Simpson's Halloween Specials" in the driveway while the kids are out.
ShavedLebaneseBear
10-31-2006, 07:15 PM
In my household, we refer to Halloween as "Happy Razor Apple Day". :action-sm
Major Burns
10-31-2006, 07:28 PM
Nothing. The advantage of living in a tourist magnet is that the town is fricking deserted now.
Hudson
10-31-2006, 08:57 PM
Necco Wafers....fun to play priest with....oops! I shared too much!
vice86
11-01-2006, 12:35 PM
I ain't home from work yet so the kids get NOTHING!