ShooterMcGavin
02-19-2007, 12:26 PM
I had to put this in the FU forum. It's the only place it could go.
This week has begun as a fucking atrocity. I woke up at 5:45, took a shower, and had some breakfast. Nothing fancy, just an eggo and some yogurt. At around 7:00, I started to have some serious stomach cramping.
I thought to myself, holy shit, it's diarrhea. I know what happens when I get this. I feel an extreme pain in my stomach that lasts for 30 seconds, and the pain comes about every 5 minutes. I have a test today, and I better be able to suck it up and hold in my shit during the test. I know if I don't go to class, I won't be able to make up the test since the absence will be unexcused. I have to try and go to class.
So, at 7:15, I went out the door. I felt some cramping on the way to the parking garage, nothing serious. I thought to myself, hey, I think I'm going to be fine. I parked my car, started walking to class, and felt some more painful cramping. Then I started to have doubts. "Why did I fucking do this," I said to myself.
I walked into the classroom and started the exam. This is when the pain just became unbearable. I got those embarrassing internal farts, you know, the kind that feel like your intestines are about to explode and you get that pain in your side. You can't control those internal farts.
About 15 minutes into the test, the pain just became too awful, and I was like, fuck it, I can't take it anymore. As soon as the cramp went away for a brief time, I ran up to the professor and was able to convince her to let me take a DIFFERENT exam later. She told me the only way I could be excused from the absence that she is counting for me is if I can get a note from a doctor saying that I'm sick.
I rushed to the parking garage like a bat out of hell, sped back to my apartment, and just ANNIHILATED my toilet. After flushing, it was clogged, and I still need to shit. What the hell? I can't shit in a bowl topped off with water (brown water, that is, with corn floating on the top)! And there's no way in hell I'm going to run to a neighbor's and ask if I can murder their bathroom.
So now, I need to drive back to the city and grab a note from a doctor. Since my dad heads the E.R up at the hospital, I am always able to see someone quickly. Of course, I couldn't have my dad write the note because that is too sketchy.
The problem with driving back to the city at this time was, as mentioned before, I still had to shit and didn't have a working toilet. So basically I had to hold in my explosive diarrhea during the drive to Oklahoma City. Do you know how hard it is to concentrate on the road for 30 minutes while you have an active volcano for an asshole? And I think we can all claim that we have a certain psychic ability, that is, the closer you get to a known toilet, the worse you have to go. So not only did I have to shit terribly, it got worse as I got closer to home.
So I get home, take a shit, and thankfully I feel better. My sister is home, who went to my school, so I ask her for advice about how I can climb out of a hole I've dug for myself this semester. This has been a stressful semester so far, and I'm doing terribly in all my classes due to some personal issues (50% personal issues, 50% laziness). She told me I should drop whatever classes I am failing, and if possible, speak to an adviser about withdrawing from classes this semester and picking them back up in the summer, so that I'm not as stressed and can deal with classes.
I got a note from a doctor, verifying that I am indeed not feeling well, and drove back to my apartment here in Norman. Time to fix the toilet!
I plunge and I plunge and I plunge. The water level is pretty much the lowest it can be, so I test out my handy work. OK, I flushed, and the toilet bowl is now full of water again. Looks like I didn't fix it.
I wait for the water level to sink a little, and try to plunge again.
I plunge and plunge, and I hear some give in the pipes, so I'm thinking, HEY, I probably fixed it.
I flush.........
It overflowed...and now there is shitty corny toilet water all over my bathroom floor. Perfect.
I don't have much to clean with, so I threw some towels down and right now the water is soaking up. In about 20 minutes or so, I'm going back in with some rubber gloves and some tile cleaners and I will attempt to at least make sure the bathroom doesn't look like a German porn movie set.
Great....I have to piss.
College will be the death of me.
This week has begun as a fucking atrocity. I woke up at 5:45, took a shower, and had some breakfast. Nothing fancy, just an eggo and some yogurt. At around 7:00, I started to have some serious stomach cramping.
I thought to myself, holy shit, it's diarrhea. I know what happens when I get this. I feel an extreme pain in my stomach that lasts for 30 seconds, and the pain comes about every 5 minutes. I have a test today, and I better be able to suck it up and hold in my shit during the test. I know if I don't go to class, I won't be able to make up the test since the absence will be unexcused. I have to try and go to class.
So, at 7:15, I went out the door. I felt some cramping on the way to the parking garage, nothing serious. I thought to myself, hey, I think I'm going to be fine. I parked my car, started walking to class, and felt some more painful cramping. Then I started to have doubts. "Why did I fucking do this," I said to myself.
I walked into the classroom and started the exam. This is when the pain just became unbearable. I got those embarrassing internal farts, you know, the kind that feel like your intestines are about to explode and you get that pain in your side. You can't control those internal farts.
About 15 minutes into the test, the pain just became too awful, and I was like, fuck it, I can't take it anymore. As soon as the cramp went away for a brief time, I ran up to the professor and was able to convince her to let me take a DIFFERENT exam later. She told me the only way I could be excused from the absence that she is counting for me is if I can get a note from a doctor saying that I'm sick.
I rushed to the parking garage like a bat out of hell, sped back to my apartment, and just ANNIHILATED my toilet. After flushing, it was clogged, and I still need to shit. What the hell? I can't shit in a bowl topped off with water (brown water, that is, with corn floating on the top)! And there's no way in hell I'm going to run to a neighbor's and ask if I can murder their bathroom.
So now, I need to drive back to the city and grab a note from a doctor. Since my dad heads the E.R up at the hospital, I am always able to see someone quickly. Of course, I couldn't have my dad write the note because that is too sketchy.
The problem with driving back to the city at this time was, as mentioned before, I still had to shit and didn't have a working toilet. So basically I had to hold in my explosive diarrhea during the drive to Oklahoma City. Do you know how hard it is to concentrate on the road for 30 minutes while you have an active volcano for an asshole? And I think we can all claim that we have a certain psychic ability, that is, the closer you get to a known toilet, the worse you have to go. So not only did I have to shit terribly, it got worse as I got closer to home.
So I get home, take a shit, and thankfully I feel better. My sister is home, who went to my school, so I ask her for advice about how I can climb out of a hole I've dug for myself this semester. This has been a stressful semester so far, and I'm doing terribly in all my classes due to some personal issues (50% personal issues, 50% laziness). She told me I should drop whatever classes I am failing, and if possible, speak to an adviser about withdrawing from classes this semester and picking them back up in the summer, so that I'm not as stressed and can deal with classes.
I got a note from a doctor, verifying that I am indeed not feeling well, and drove back to my apartment here in Norman. Time to fix the toilet!
I plunge and I plunge and I plunge. The water level is pretty much the lowest it can be, so I test out my handy work. OK, I flushed, and the toilet bowl is now full of water again. Looks like I didn't fix it.
I wait for the water level to sink a little, and try to plunge again.
I plunge and plunge, and I hear some give in the pipes, so I'm thinking, HEY, I probably fixed it.
I flush.........
It overflowed...and now there is shitty corny toilet water all over my bathroom floor. Perfect.
I don't have much to clean with, so I threw some towels down and right now the water is soaking up. In about 20 minutes or so, I'm going back in with some rubber gloves and some tile cleaners and I will attempt to at least make sure the bathroom doesn't look like a German porn movie set.
Great....I have to piss.
College will be the death of me.