Help me Jew my cable

[Ari Shaffir]

I don't understand where this is supposed to go. It doesn't seem like it should be on the "friends and guests of the show." So I'm putting it here.

Ever since I've lived in this apartment, I've had free cable. Every time it's gone out in the 5 years I've lived here, some angel goes down and plugs everyone's cable back in. That way nobody gets caught. But this time it went out and it's been 10 days and I'm starting to fear that the cable fairy has moved out of my building.

So I went down there to see if I could do it myself and there are these weird caps on the sockets where the cables are supposed to plug in. These caps don't unscrew and they make it so that the plug can't touch the socket.

If anyone knows how to get around this problem, I'd love to hear it.

I'm reaching out to you, the degenerate Opie and Anthony listener, to help keep an honest Jew from having to forsake his heritage and actually pay for something. No one wants that.

http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c388/arithegreat/0822999999.jpg

http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c388/arithegreat/0822070331.jpg

http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c388/arithegreat/0822070330a.jpg

http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c388/arithegreat/0822070330.jpg

http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c388/arithegreat/0822070329.jpg

[d0uche_n0zzle]

Man up and start paying, you cheap fucker. :action-sm

[Ari Shaffir]

Man up and start paying, you cheap fucker. :action-sm

See, in my culture, manning up involves NOT paying for things. Jews and the Ferengi are really similar.

[Cha94]

There's a switch for it in the shower.

[fuckwit]

if you can find which cable is yours just plug it in any of the empty slots there

[Ari Shaffir]

I found my cable. But those slots don't work. They're just flat on the inside because it's a cap and not the actual slot. The ones with cables already in there are shorter because they don't have caps on them. Those are the fools who pay.

[d0uche_n0zzle]

You could look on the Interweb or e-Bay for a cable tool to remove such cap. Or you could slip the cable guy a few bucks to hook your shit up on the DL, that is, if he isn't some Nazi skinhead.

[Farm Flufer]

.... These caps don't unscrew ....


Have you tried pliers?

[CM Mark]

All the info you need, including what tools will help out immensly, can be found here (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zyklon_b)

[Ari Shaffir]

Have you tried pliers?

Yeah. I think that's my next step. I just wish someone knew an easy way to get those off, because I think pliers aren't gonna work and is just gonna screw up the sockets.

[Ari Shaffir]

All the info you need, including what tools will help out immensly, can be found here (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zyklon_b)

That made me laugh. It was such a switch from what I was hoping for and what it turned out to be. Not helpful at all, but a solid response nonetheless.

[jlhoyt13432]

Where's Lazlow when you need him?

[oppie1]

Yeah. I think that's my next step. I just wish someone knew an easy way to get those off, because I think pliers aren't gonna work and is just gonna screw up the sockets.

pliers will not work on those.. you need a plunger tool. they're locks so people cant steal cable. thats the whole point of them. i have a tool (since i work for the cable company) and no you cant borrow it

[fuckwit]

Yeah. I think that's my next step. I just wish someone knew an easy way to get those off, because I think pliers aren't gonna work and is just gonna screw up the sockets.

i dont know what the tool actually looks like but it probably screws on. conceivably maybe you could go to a hardware store and buy a couple nuts to screw on there and lock them up then use it as a pliers grip

[Buster H]

sorry Ari. No idea how to remove that cap


All the info you need, including what tools will help out immensly, can be found here (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zyklon_b)

very funny sir

[CM Mark]

That made me laugh. It was such a switch from what I was hoping for and what it turned out to be. Not helpful at all, but a solid response nonetheless.

very funny sir

Sorry guys, wrong link. Try this one (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Auschwitz)

[oppie1]

i dont know what the tool actually looks like but it probably screws on. conceivably maybe you could go to a hardware store and buy a couple nuts to screw on there and lock them up then use it as a pliers grip

will not work.. they're made up of 2 pieces that spin independently from each other. you need a tool that goes down the middle hole and locks in the inner spinner to unlock it

but everyones assumptions on how to get them off are comical :)

[fuckwit]

will not work.. they're made up of 2 pieces that spin independently from each other. you need a tool that goes down the middle hole and locks in the inner spinner to unlock it

but everyones assumptions on how to get them off are comical :)

fucking cable company. ok splice into your neighbors line screw this contraption.


its wierd that they dont use these in my building. comcast must not give a shit

[sniper]

http://www.customtoolsupply.com/images/LTT7TP.jpg

[hypes]

Just so you know...

Those thin plugs where you can't plug your coax cable into are used by cable companies to they can detect if someone is using their cable when they shouldn't. If you untwist the plug, it will signal the cable company that someone is tampering with the line (due to a drop in attenuation on that splitter) and they'll dispatch someone to find out who did it.

So someone has clued them in on your appropriation of their service. Also, there's a large fine if your caught stealing their service...but then I Am Not A Lawyer...just an engineer who knows how these things work.

-h

[oppie1]

Just so you know...

Those thin plugs where you can't plug your coax cable into are used by cable companies to they can detect if someone is using their cable when they shouldn't. If you untwist the plug, it will signal the cable company that someone is tampering with the line (due to a drop in attenuation on that splitter) and they'll dispatch someone to find out who did it.

So someone has clued them in on your appropriation of their service. Also, there's a large fine if your caught stealing their service...but then I Am Not A Lawyer...just an engineer who knows how these things work.

-h

Just

that is only true if they're addressable taps... comcast here in the Philly region does not use addressable taps so that is not true for here..

those do not look like addressable by the looks of the pics and the values... so that doesnt metter here

[sniper]

will not work.. they're made up of 2 pieces that spin independently from each other. you need a tool that goes down the middle hole and locks in the inner spinner to unlock it

but everyones assumptions on how to get them off are comical :)

yeah, i'm getting great comic relief from this thread too.

[jackjack]

that is only true if they're addressable taps... comcast here in the Philly region does not use addressable taps so that is not true for here..

those do not look like addressable by the looks of the pics and the values... so that doesnt metter here

If they are addressable taps it wouldn't matter if you connected your cable to them, they'd be shut off.

[oppie1]

If they are addressable taps it wouldn't matter if you connected your cable to them, they'd be shut off.

exactly.. they will be able to tell the terminator was taken off, but the tap port wouldnt be hot till they turned on. they cannot tell onunaddressable taps that yout took a terminator w/ a 75ohm resister off of it.

its a moot point anyway

[sniper]

tap specs
http://distributor.livas.lv/Motorola%20Cable%20Taps%20&%20%20Passives/FFT-P_Specifications_060903.pdf

[kevtv]

http://www.harrywalker.com/photos/Stein_Ben.jpg

"When you say chew down, it's implied that you mean Jew down."

[CM Mark]

tap specs
http://distributor.livas.lv/Motorola%20Cable%20Taps%20&%20%20Passives/FFT-P_Specifications_060903.pdf

more info here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Resistor (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gas_chamber)

[sniper]

more info here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Resistor (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gas_chamber)

definite resistance :D

[weeniewawa]

Buy the service you cheapo, save the time and cost of a lawyer, but I am sure you are related to one that will do pro bono work, Cable co's go after anyone stealing their crummy service. My bro made jumper devices to go into the descrambler boxes back in the early 80s, the cable co did some kind of test on the lines out on the pole and busted him. Eventually it got thrown out of court but that was just the beginning of their gestapo behavior

[d0uche_n0zzle]

How about talking with a neighbor and agree to pay a portion of the bill for a hook up. That should be acceptable to your elders.

[MJMANDALAY]

Best Thread in Days

[CM Mark]

Found some more info here (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holocaust)

[Juanfartez]

hook up all your neighbors too. then when the cable guy comes buy he won't know who did it. after he leaves do it again. I did that for years.:D

[BullsLawDan]

See, in my culture, manning up involves NOT paying for things. Jews and the Ferengi are really similar.

Yes, but how many Ferengi can you fit in a Volkswagen?




















... and 6 million in the ashtray...

[wasp]

hook up all your neighbors too. then when the cable guy comes buy he won't know who did it. after he leaves do it again. I did that for years.:D

exactly, plus, your neighbors will like you

[Glenn Dandy]

Move here, It's great!
http://img443.imageshack.us/img443/633/freecablepd0.jpg

[ruthlessrl]

everybody knows, even these cable techs, that cable is not the way togo if you want TV anymore

research FTA, its difficult at first since you obviously dont know anything. but the information is out there, all you have to do is read and learn.

[jackjack]

everybody knows, even these cable techs, that cable is not the way togo if you want TV anymore

research FTA, its difficult at first since you obviously dont know anything. but the information is out there, all you have to do is read and learn.

He's in an apartment, and although the laws allow a dish if you are lucky enough to have the proper view angle, it's often a fight. Not everyone is lucky enough to have a balcony that is private space and also in view of the sats.

[wes mantooth]

Don't worry about getting arrested. The worse that can happen is you'll go to jail and still get free cable. Then you'd be surrounded by ni@@ers of course but you could do your act and a good time will be had by all.

[Sprite]

How about talking with a neighbor and agree to pay a portion of the bill for a hook up. That should be acceptable to your elders.

Without getting into various complications, try and find a neighbor who is as cheap as you and is within close enough proximity to your apartment to run a well placed cable line to your apartment. Split the bill with them, and all you need is some RG8 and a splitter. Granted you'll only receive basic cable channels unless you have a hot box, but it's worth it if you're a cheap jew.

Btw, have you had any more patrons puke on stage since that Caroline's show? I'd post the photo of you and I there, but not only do I look like absolute shit in it, I look even worse next to a 10 ft. tall jew who's uglier than rich vos.






:action-sm

[Ari Shaffir]

Without getting into various complications, try and find a neighbor who is as cheap as you and is within close enough proximity to your apartment to run a well placed cable line to your apartment. Split the bill with them, and all you need is some RG8 and a splitter. Granted you'll only receive basic cable channels unless you have a hot box, but it's worth it if you're a cheap jew.

Btw, have you had any more patrons puke on stage since that Caroline's show? I'd post the photo of you and I there, but not only do I look like absolute shit in it, I look even worse next to a 10 ft. tall jew who's uglier than rich vos.




:action-sm



Hahaha. No barf directly on the stage since that night. Thanks for asking. That was the day after the baby bird, too. Too much barf.

[Gladys kravitz]

Are you telling me that a Jew is trying to do manual labor?

[Plunkies]

Two words...

"bit torrent"

[Ari Shaffir]

Bit torrents take f o r e v e r. I've currently got 11 days left till Tuesday's episode of Damages is downloaded.

[MAV]

this will get it off there
http://www.northerntool.com/images/product/images/164717_lg.jpg

[ruthlessrl]

He's in an apartment, and although the laws allow a dish if you are lucky enough to have the proper view angle, it's often a fight. Not everyone is lucky enough to have a balcony that is private space and also in view of the sats.

i have seen plenty that will allow a pole in the ground, although im sure some will not.

[ruthlessrl]

Bit torrents take f o r e v e r. I've currently got 11 days left till Tuesday's episode of Damages is downloaded.

are you able to use satellite?

[CM Mark]

look for this sign, it means Free Cable Here

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b8/Camp_ArbeitMachtFrei.JPG

[Myhairygrundle]

I'm confused....you want your cable to run the banks and the media?

Or do you want your cable to leave 5% tips?

Try boxing it up and shipping it to Florida with the rest of the cables.

.

[Ari Shaffir]

I like how this thread gave me the information I needed, that those caps are on there solidly and you need a tool to get them off, and then devolved into a really fun anti Heeb thread.

[fuckwit]

I like how this thread gave me the information I needed, that those caps are on there solidly and you need a tool to get them off, and then devolved into a really fun anti Heeb thread.

they all sorta do.

http://www.wackbag.com/showthread.php?t=47727

[MyKneeGrows]

Stop Stealing Cable You Jew Bastard:action-sm

[Fruit Monkey]

I hate this thread really. when i cant think of a name i just dont substitute it i either flub the shit out of it or just go another route


HOW DO I (((JEW))) MY CABLE?


aint it RUBE OR ROO GOLDBERG IT?

[BCH]

I hate this thread really. when i cant think of a name i just dont substitute it i either flub the shit out of it or just go another route





aint it RUBE OR ROO GOLDBERG IT?

I believe the thread starter is a Jew Joe.

And yes, Rube is short for Rube Goldberg who was famous for those drawings of supurfluously complex machines to do the simplest tasks and coincidentally also a Jew. That's where those terms come from. In this case, the person was looking for somthing for free or on the cheap so Jew would apply in this instance I think.

[MrBogey]

tap specs
http://distributor.livas.lv/Motorola%20Cable%20Taps%20&%20%20Passives/FFT-P_Specifications_060903.pdf

I always understood that cable plant can read loss from the source and that every tap adds loss and that's how they bust people.

Back when Bell used to rent phones they could test the line and find out how many phones you had on the line extremely accurately by measuring the capacitance of the ringer coil. That's why "extra" phones would have people disabling the ringer.

[sniper]

I always understood that cable plant can read loss from the source and that every tap adds loss and that's how they bust people.


Every tap does add loss, it's just like a splitter in a house. But since the deregulation of outlets, and multiple customers per drop, and the advent of the return path, it's not practical to assume that every extra loss is a subscriber stealing cable. Like was said previously it can be done on addressable taps because you can look at individual tap ports and the circuitry can measure impedance. As far as I know addressable taps are only geared toward small cable companies because in large cities it'd be too hard to organize putting a specific customer on a specific tap port, it'd be a pain in the ass. People get busted these days by audit teams, they go from tap to tap with a list of customers' tag numbers and disconnect any inactive tags that are connected, or aren't tagged at all.



Back when Bell used to rent phones they could test the line and find out how many phones you had on the line extremely accurately by measuring the capacitance of the ringer coil. That's why "extra" phones would have people disabling the ringer.

Hey, you answered your own question :D

[NoSurviivors]

I haven't read the whole thread, but why don't you just split off of another tennants drop? The ends are open. 3 Db loss for both of you & they'll never know.

I don't know of any way that the maaaan can measure impedance or distance past a tap or split. AFAIK, you'l have some free basic cable TV.. just don't fuck with the interwebs or digital cable.