Is this Weird?

[Jolie]

So I was having a discussion with my husband today, and we were discussing how long it takes him in the morning to get ready for work. In the course of the discussion, it came out that he turns on the shower, and then sits on the can for 10 minutes... doing nothing. Not taking a shit, not reading, not anything - just sits to pee and then stays there for 10 minutes staring at the door.

So question... is this weird, or is this perfectly normal?

[DanaReevesLungs]

What's even more weird is you and your husband had a discussion.:action-sm

I've never sat on the bowl without shit flushing from my intestines. Maybe he's just letting his body wake up.

[Jolie]

how do i make it so people can see the results of the poll or is it too late? or can you? (this is my first poll - thought i would make it a good one ;-))

[Bone Dry]

So I was having a discussion with my husband today, and we were discussing how long it takes him in the morning to get ready for work. In the course of the discussion, it came out that he turns on the shower, and then sits on the can for 10 minutes... doing nothing. Not taking a shit, not reading, not anything - just sits to pee and then stays there for 10 minutes staring at the door.

So question... is this weird, or is this perfectly normal?

Excuse me? "whaa"

[BCH]

Maybe he's jacking off and doesn't want to admit it. Plenty of men even with very active sex lives still feel the need to crank it daily. Maybe he wants time alone with his thoughts without his wife jabbering on and on. I say probably normal.

[Jolie]

Maybe he's jacking off and doesn't want to admit it. Plenty of men even with very active sex lives still feel the need to crank it daily. Maybe he wants time alone with his thoughts without his wife jabbering on and on. I say probably normal.


Blah blah blah.

He doesn't get sex, because he never approaches me for sex. Its a major issue with our extremely fucked up relationship. The discussion started because I told him that both me and my therapist think it takes him so long because hes masturbating, and he swears hes not, that he just sits there doing nothing. He swears hes not masturbating, because about 2 years ago, when I found out he was trying to find women online to have sex with, it also came out that his daily (sometimes 3-4 times daily) masturbating was at least part of the reason he wasn't approaching me for sex. So I obviously had a very major problem with this, as I really didn't think it was fair that my sex life had to suffer because he had no drive left for me after he was done with himself. He agreed (ok, admittedly was probably strong armed in some ways) to stop. Or at least to try to approach ME first, before choosing his hand.

He is also a habitual liar and is constantly telling me what he thinks i WANT to hear, and not the actual truth about things.

So the end result of the discussion this morning, was me posting it here to see if hes normal. :icon_wink

[SatansCheerledr]

I say there is more to it. Not normal or abnormal but not disfunctional.

[SatansCheerledr]

Blah blah blah.

He doesn't get sex, because he never approaches me for sex. Its a major issue with our extremely fucked up relationship. The discussion started because I told him that both me and my therapist think it takes him so long because hes masturbating, and he swears hes not, that he just sits there doing nothing. He swears hes not masturbating, because about 2 years ago, when I found out he was trying to find women online to have sex with, it also came out that his daily (sometimes 3-4 times daily) masturbating was at least part of the reason he wasn't approaching me for sex. He is also a habitual liar and is constantly telling me what he thinks i WANT to hear, and not the actual truth about things.

So the end result of the discussion this morning, was me posting it here to see if hes normal. :icon_wink

Told you there was more to it.

[SimpleSyrup]

Blah blah blah.

He doesn't get sex, because he never approaches me for sex. Its a major issue with our extremely fucked up relationship. The discussion started because I told him that both me and my therapist think it takes him so long because hes masturbating, and he swears hes not, that he just sits there doing nothing. He swears hes not masturbating, because about 2 years ago, when I found out he was trying to find women online to have sex with, it also came out that his daily (sometimes 3-4 times daily) masturbating was at least part of the reason he wasn't approaching me for sex. He is also a habitual liar and is constantly telling me what he thinks i WANT to hear, and not the actual truth about things.

So the end result of the discussion this morning, was me posting it here to see if hes normal. :icon_wink


If I was your husband, I'd sit on the toilet with a .38 in my mouth.

Jesus Christ, leave the tortured bastard alone.

[Jolie]

If I was your husband, I'd sit on the toilet with a .38 in my mouth.

Jesus Christ, leave the tortured bastard alone.

HES tortured? I want sex. Is that so much to ask? He won't let me get it elsewhere and won't give it to me either.

[BCH]

He's masturbating. I'd bet my last dollar on it. Leave him to it I say.

[jackjack]

I'd say if he gets some pleasure out of it, it's not a big deal.
To me, it seems like a waste of time and money. Probably 20 bucks or so a month for water you could save if you're on a municipal supply, and I could be showered, shitted and shaved in that ten minutes and on to something better.

If, on the other hand, it turns out to be his only tolerable ten minutes of the whole day, it's well worth the cost and it would be best not to fuck with it.

[Jolie]

I forgot to mention - he already gets up an hour before me anyway, so he has a lot of time without me jabbering at him.

[THE FEZ MAN]

Blah blah blah.

He doesn't get sex, because he never approaches me for sex. Its a major issue with our extremely fucked up relationship. The discussion started because I told him that both me and my therapist think it takes him so long because hes masturbating, and he swears hes not, that he just sits there doing nothing. He swears hes not masturbating, because about 2 years ago, when I found out he was trying to find women online to have sex with, it also came out that his daily (sometimes 3-4 times daily) masturbating was at least part of the reason he wasn't approaching me for sex. He is also a habitual liar and is constantly telling me what he thinks i WANT to hear, and not the actual truth about things.

So the end result of the discussion this morning, was me posting it here to see if hes normal. :icon_wink


well if i had to listen to that fucking garbage, i would do the same thing.

that being said, i will often sit in my truck for a few minuets before going into my home, for lots of reasons, mainly just to sit and listen to the ringing in my ears. my truck is the quietest place i can find

[kidconnor]

Sitting there for 10 min not doing ANYTHING is strange. Did he give a reason for it?

ANd he doesn't approach for sex, but how many times have you initiated?

[SimpleSyrup]

HES tortured? I want sex. Is that so much to ask? He won't let me get it elsewhere and won't give it to me either.

If the guy is looking for sex elsewhere, there is something you are not doing that does it for him.

Do you have 3 kids and are 60 pounds heavier than when he said "I do".
Does your voice sound as bad in real life as it does when I read it?
Do you talk about your therapist with him as candidly as you do with total strangers?

if you answered yes to any of the above, I wouldn't want to eff you either. And I'll fuck anything. :D

I'm a tortured married man as well. You and your species are always to blame.

[NoSurviivors]

a picture is worth a thousand words.







He's on the can and...








http://i37.tinypic.com/4ln3gj.jpg

[SimpleSyrup]

Sitting there for 10 min not doing ANYTHING is strange. Did he give a reason for it?

ANd he doesn't approach for sex, but how many times have you initiated?

Seriously, he's obviously sitting there saying "how the fuck did my life come to this?". He's a beaten man. Fuck, he sits down to pee.

[kidconnor]

. i will often sit in my truck for a few minuets before going into my home, for lots of reasons, mainly just to sit and listen to the ringing in my ears. my truck is the quietest place i can find

HAd a guy that I worked midnights with that used to buy breakfast every morning and sit in his car around the corner from his house. Now he was a fat bastard with 2 kids and a wife. So I guess; 1)it was the most peaceful time of his day and 2)his fat ass was eating. I didnt find it wierd at all

[Jolie]

Sitting there for 10 min not doing ANYTHING is strange. Did he give a reason for it?

ANd he doesn't approach for sex, but how many times have you initiated?

About once a month or so, I get to the point where I can't stand it anymore, so I initiate. Before I stopped initiating, I would initiate 3-4 times per week - then I started feeling bad that I had to start EVERYTHING, so I talked to him about it, told him that I felt unloved and unappreciated, and that it was really demoralizing to always have to be the initiator, and so if he wanted to have sex with me, he knew where to find me... and he just never does. For a long time after that, I still initiated, but it was more like 1-2 times per week, then 1-2 times per month, and now its less often.

We've had sex 3 times in the past 3-4 months, i think... two of them I initiated.

[BCH]

Allright, let's not make Jolie the culprit here.


About once a month or so, I get to the point where I can't stand it anymore, so I initiate. Before I stopped initiating, I would initiate 3-4 times per week - then I started feeling bad that I had to start EVERYTHING, so I talked to him about it, told him that I felt unloved and unappreciated, and that it was really demoralizing to always have to be the initiator, and so if he wanted to have sex with me, he knew where to find me... and he just never does. For a long time after that, I still initiated, but it was more like 1-2 times per week, then 1-2 times per month, and now its less often.

We've had sex 3 times in the past 3-4 months, i think... two of them I initiated.

I initiate almost every single time like 95% to 5%. I don't feel unloved, I just feel like having sex.

[Jolie]

If the guy is looking for sex elsewhere, there is something you are not doing that does it for him.

Do you have 3 kids and are 60 pounds heavier than when he said "I do".
Does your voice sound as bad in real life as it does when I read it?
Do you talk about your therapist with him as candidly as you do with total strangers?

if you answered yes to any of the above, I wouldn't want to eff you either. And I'll fuck anything. :D

I'm a tortured married man as well. You and your species are always to blame.

I have 1 kid and im 16lbs lighter than when we got married.
I dont know what my voice sounds like to outsiders. I only hear it in my head. I hate it, but others have told me they don't.
I talk candidly to lots of people about lots of things and didn't post this without his permission.


Seriously, he's obviously sitting there saying "how the fuck did my life come to this?". He's a beaten man. Fuck, he sits down to pee.

I've asked him if he wants to get a divorce - I've suggested we would probably both be better off with it, since its obvious that theres very little left between us. He doesn't want to, because we have a daughter and he doesn't want to not see her every day. I have extremely strange, but oddly traditional views on marriage, and since I married him, if we HAVE to dissolve it I want it to be a mutual dissolution. He claims that he still loves me, and wants to be around our daughter, and thats why he doesn't want to get a divorce.

[BCH]

I still say normal. The sitting down to pee part, not so much. But the sitting alone part, probably so.

[Tax Kuntz]

We've had sex 3 times in the past 3-4 months, i think... two of them I initiated.


try this:

http://www.ashleymadison.com/

[SimpleSyrup]

Alright, I'll give a realer answer.

I am married. My wife can be bat shit crazy sometimes. I love her for the most part, but this wasn't the contract I signed. We have a son. He is my everything. If we did not, I do not think I'd be around today. I am the child of a divorced family and the shit stings. My guess is that he has as many demons as I and that 10 minutes are the best of his day. Leave the guy alone. Ask him honestly, "if there were 10 things you could change about me, what would they be?". And see if he asks you the same. Communicate but don't annoy. Be patient and maybe the guy will becoem normal. The 10 minutes on the shitter are the least or your worries.

[kidconnor]

I have 1 kid and im 16lbs lighter than when we got married.

250 - 16 = 234.

Just saying:action-sm

Nah all kidding aside sounds like a tough daily grind for the both of you. Give the man his 10 min and I wish you luck.

[Jolie]

try this:

http://www.ashleymadison.com/

I won't have an affair. :(

We've talked about an open relationship and in theory hes all for it - right up until I am interested in someone and thinking about actively pursuing someone, then he changes his mind. He says its because "we aren't in a good place" so hes afraid it wont just be sex, and since the agreement has always been if either of us goes outside the relationship, we have to be open and honest about it before hand, then I can't do anything right now.

[THE FEZ MAN]

If I was your husband, I'd sit on the toilet with a .38 in my mouth.

Jesus Christ, leave the tortured bastard alone.

he turns the water on so you can't here him loading that one bullet into the gun and spinning the cylinder

http://i71.photobucket.com/albums/i145/mikefeathers/THEFEZMAN.jpg

[Jolie]

250 - 16 = 234.

Just saying:action-sm

Nah all kidding aside sounds like a tough daily grind for the both of you. Give the man his 10 min and I wish you luck.


:-P

I'm 5'8.25" and 172lbs (171.5 based on the scale this morning, but its been sustained at 172 lately). Not tiny, but definitely not huge. I've got 36DD boobs.

And to prove I'm not really lying:

This was a year ago:
http://www.insanityplea.net/pics/deb.jpg

This is about a month ago:

http://www.insanityplea.net/pics/deb2.jpg

[CougarHunter]

You're headed for divorce.

[BCH]

:-P

I'm 5'8.25" and 172lbs (171.5 based on the scale this morning, but its been sustained at 172 lately). Not tiny, but definitely not huge. I've got 36DD boobs.

And to prove I'm not really lying:

This was a year ago:
http://www.insanityplea.net/pics/deb.jpg

This is about a month ago:

http://www.insanityplea.net/pics/deb2.jpg

Fez Man would hit it. Oh wait.

You look nice. Tell that husband of yours to get with the program.

[Tax Kuntz]

I think your daughter is hot.

just sayin'....

[Capt.Caveman]

are you a great big fat person

[NoSurviivors]

Seriously.. somehow you both need to come to some kind of conclusion of what is wrong; whether it's something in your relationship or something else.

There are a bunch of different reasons why someone could become depressed at this point in life. It's not necessarily you.

[ddberry]

Have you considered it may be clinical depression?

[THE FEZ MAN]

another issue is how old is your baby? and did you suffer from PPD?

[Capt.Caveman]

did you try bringing a strap on to the bed room?

[weeniewawa]

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k102/ld7x/Funnies/4tth2rp.gifhe is just taking a steam, it's good for his complexion.http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k102/ld7x/Funnies/4tth2rp.gif

[abudabit]

Take showers with him. If he really is jacking in there, cut him off at the pass while he has morning wood.

[Mindslayer]

Maybe he's considering an affair with a dude. That could be why he wont fuck you. Either that or he's not attracted to you anymore.

[PDX909]

http://andersonpooper.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/full-metal-jacket.jpg

Hiiii Jokerrrrr.

[blazin]

Don't try to initiate sex, blow him. Just unzip his pants and go to work. Dont ask, just do. I couldnt imagine any man refusing. Maybe that will spark things up and he'll want to fuck you again.

[Sam_Adams]

:-P

I'm 5'8.25" and 172lbs (171.5 based on the scale this morning, but its been sustained at 172 lately). Not tiny, but definitely not huge. I've got 36DD boobs.

And to prove I'm not really lying:

This was a year ago:
http://www.insanityplea.net/pics/deb.jpg

Is he gay? Seriously.

Or does he feel inadequate sexually like he can't REALLY please you and bring you to climax?

He may just feel imasculated. It's not too common for men to piss sitting down like women.

[ls1speedfreak]

.... (this is my first poll - thought i would make it a good one ;-))

:icon_eek: ha ha ha!!!!!!:haha7: How does nobody else find this as funny a line as I do?

[DanaReevesLungs]

I understand the mutual dissolution as my ex and I did that, but there are times 1 person has to make the decision that's best for the marriage (or lack there of). He's not going to turn around overnight and be who you married again. If he hasn't changed since you were dating, you know what the future will be, but if he has changed (which it sounds like he has) you're living with a lot of unpredictability. It's detrimental you can't get an honest answer out of him due to his compulsive lying. I'd say he lied about why he won't divorce you either...he knows he'll lose his shirt if y'all divorce. Sad, sad reality unfortunately.

[BeerBelly]

umm he's sittin on the can , He obviously would rather take a shit at
home rather than at work

[Jolie]

Have you considered it may be clinical depression?

Yes. He goes to therapy sometimes, and completely ignores any recommendations the therapist makes and won't do any of the "homework" the therapists give him.

another issue is how old is your baby? and did you suffer from PPD?

Shes 3, and yes I did, but this started long before that.

Is he gay? Seriously.

Or does he feel inadequate sexually like he can't REALLY please you and bring you to climax?

He may just feel imasculated. It's not too common for men to piss sitting down like women.

He swears he isnt gay (I'm not overly sure I always believe him), and yes he does feel inadequate sexually. He had only slept with one person before me (although I thought it was 2, because he told me it was 2, but he made the second girl up and I didn't find out until 6 years into our marriage, 8 years into our relationship), and I've got quite a past sexually. I thought that giving him the chance to initiate would increase his confidence in addition to helping me not feel like such a loser because my bf / husband wouldn't even try to have sex with me.

And he was peeing sitting down before we met too, so I had nothing to do with that one.

I understand the mutual dissolution as my ex and I did that, but there are times 1 person has to make the decision that's best for the marriage (or lack there of). He's not going to turn around overnight and be who you married again. If he hasn't changed since you were dating, you know what the future will be, but if he has changed (which it sounds like he has) you're living with a lot of unpredictability. It's detrimental you can't get an honest answer out of him due to his compulsive lying. I'd say he lied about why he won't divorce you either...he knows he'll lose his shirt if y'all divorce. Sad, sad reality unfortunately.

He has changed, *I* think, but then part of it I wonder if I just thought he was a different person initially - eventually all the little white lies unravel (like, the ex girlfriend he made up). But we've talked about divorce - Our incomes are not entirely dissimilar, although mine SHOULD be more than his except I took a job closer to home and with less lengthy hours so that I could be home more, because I was thinking that the core of our relationship problems were because I was stressed at work. But I don't believe in taking advantage of situations like a divorce to screw a person out of money that isn't mine, which is why I want this to be mutual, so we can come to a mutual, friendly agreement on how to split the assets (house, cars and a couple investment accounts - I wouldn't touch his retirement accounts, they were his before we met, and are still his - the rest we acquired together).

And now, because this poll isn't overwhelmingly in his favor, hes mad that I put it out here. :icon_roll Nevermind the fact that when he thought it would be, he was perfectly fine with me posting it because he wanted to prove me wrong.

[THE FEZ MAN]

well. as far as the poll results, its obvious that there are fewer married middle aged men on the board than you thought. im living the same hell.

[d0uche_n0zzle]

Maybe he's shooting up the big H to deal with his "paradise".

Or he's a queer.

[wes mantooth]

http://www.insanityplea.net/pics/deb.jpg



I'd fuck you. Not sure what his problem is. Give him his morning time though. The most annoying part to me is his leaving the the water running. That's just not right.

[DanaReevesLungs]

He swears he isnt gay (I'm not overly sure I always believe him), and yes he does feel inadequate sexually. He had only slept with one person before me (although I thought it was 2, because he told me it was 2, but he made the second girl up and I didn't find out until 6 years into our marriage, 8 years into our relationship), and I've got quite a past sexually. I thought that giving him the chance to initiate would increase his confidence in addition to helping me not feel like such a loser because my bf / husband wouldn't even try to have sex with me.

So you've been together for close to a decade and you're questioning his sexual orientation. That right there should raise numerous flags. Question his motives of staying married more as well. His sexual inadequencies extend beyond you.

Let's see how long before he's opting for a sex change. Oh Brianna! Y'all can spoon without you being poked, although I wouldn't doubt that's occurring already.

[BigWilly]

Lester Burnham: Look at me, jerking off in the shower... This will be the high point of my day; it's all downhill from here. (American Beauty)

[tysonpunchinguterus]

So he turns the shower on, but doesn't get in for another 10 minutes because he pees sitting down first? He might have a problem pissing. Maybe he's not sitting there after he pisses, he's just trying to piss that whole time and doesn't want to tell you that. Ask him if that's it. He might need to get the ol' prostate checked. It could all be connected. His weiner won't let him pee and he doesn't have a sex drive. His plumbing is fucked up.

It's either that or he sits there with his dick tucked between his legs pretending to be a girl until reality sets in and he starts his shitty day as a man.

[MrBogey]

Men don't pee sitting down unless there's the possibility of more, they're old and need the rest, they want to read, they're jerking off, or they're feminine.

[Stig]

He's probably just getting his first fix of heroin of the day. You know; so he can deal with you.

[enduser]

Doing nothing for 10 minutes... not much to worry about.
Being married with 2 rug rats myself, all I want more than anything in the world is to be left alone.
Plus, look at the post counts from some of us. You will quickly come to realize that most of the people here do next to nothing roughly 240 times that amount in a work-week. :D

But doing 10 minutes of nothing regularly in the bathroom tells me one of a few possible things...
1. He's jerking it
a. to thoughts of another woman
b. to thoughts of another man
2. Maybe he is having trouble peeing
a. kidney issues like stones or something
b. its a self confidence thing
3. Maybe I have no fucking clue what the fuck he is doing in there but i guarantee there are some deeper issues than just wanting to be left alone.

[Sam_Adams]

He swears he isnt gay (I'm not overly sure I always believe him), and yes he does feel inadequate sexually. He had only slept with one person before me (although I thought it was 2, because he told me it was 2, but he made the second girl up and I didn't find out until 6 years into our marriage, 8 years into our relationship), and I've got quite a past sexually. I thought that giving him the chance to initiate would increase his confidence in addition to helping me not feel like such a loser because my bf / husband wouldn't even try to have sex with me.

Yeah, I thought so.

Does he do any "manly" activities? Or is he an accountant or something working a desk?

It may help to make him feel like he's an animal while fucking. It will give him some motivation that he's actually pleasing you and that he's a fuckin man. If it's a dick size issue then assure him that it's not an issue. If it's a lack of technique then get him over the jackhammer move and try other things. Just make him feel like he's a man that's making you his bitch.

And the whole sitting down piss thing most likely comes from his mother ruling the house and making the guys sit to piss so they didn't make piss sounds and dribble on the seat.

Buy him a urinal for your bathroom so he will stand up and piss like a human being.

[lokimanahan]

Your husband's a queer, and you were the one that turned him. Congratulations.

[WOWmagnet]

Your husband's a queer, and you were the one that turned him. Congratulations.

Can't argue there.

Here's the thing; no matter how hot a slit you are, eventually every man will grow weary of you.

I'm already bored. :rolleyes:

[wes mantooth]

Just suck his dick and suck it often. Get on your knees while you do it and swallow his cum like it's the best thing you've ever tasted. He'll be coming back for more soon enough. Every guy loves getting head from a dominant position...I gotta jack off now.

[WOWmagnet]

Just suck his dick and suck it often. Get on your knees while you do it and swallow his cum like it's the best thing you've ever tasted. He'll be coming back for more soon enough. Every guy loves getting head from a dominant position...I gotta jack off now.

Yep. It's amazing that 97.5% of women don't get this.

Wanna be treated better? Suck his dick and don't spit, dummies.

[abudabit]

I like vaginal so much better than blowjobs. Blowjobs feel like I'm fucking a cloud.

Either way you gotta take the initiative, join him in the shower.

[DanaReevesLungs]

I like vaginal so much better than blowjobs. Blowjobs feel like I'm fucking a cloud.

Either way you gotta take the initiative, join him in the shower.

You've obviously never skull-fucked before. Some of my best memories are watching her lay on a bed with her head hanging over the side and seeing my cock reach her throat.

[TreeFortRichard]

I am a dad of a 3yo, happily married, get him this book
http://www.amazon.com/Strong-Fathers-Daughters-Secrets-Father/dp/0345499395/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1219781248&sr=8-1
it is all about how important a father is in a daughters life. My wife said it was the most accurate summary of what every girl needs from her dad.

As far as the bathroom thing, I think he has got some issues. You seem attractive...I am sure you can be bitchy, but he seems like half-a hobbit or something. Try setting up a
"To do" list of things to accomplish in a day/week/month (mostly for him). Spontaneous displays of affection are a good starter. A kiss, holding hands..whatever. SCHEDULE sex. As odd as it may seem set aside time. People do it for everything else, so why should sex be any different. With 2 jobs and a 3yo and laundry and cooking and dishes and daycare..you have to make the time.
Also, if he has never asked you for anything try something a little different. Try dirty talk during sex...but don't be scarry or annoying...just pretend he is making an ice cream sundae and you are watching him load on the toppings...
At least you are trying. If he is pissed that people find his behaviour odd, don't attack him with it because he will just get defensive and see you as unattracive and cunty. Take the "Honey, you see, it's not that weird that i am wondering if anything strange is going on in there..."
I was still wondering the answer to the 'manly' question. Is he worse off than he was when you got married? does he feel unattractive, and is just jacking it to take an easy way out? Is he concerned about another kid? Maybe he's just so lazy he'd rather jerk it than put in the time. Have you thought about getting a toy? You have your needs...


It is very important for you daugther to see that daddy and mommy love each other. Her brain is being programmed every day.

[Plunkies]

Wow, this thread has taken some weird turns.

Anyway, if I have to wake up early and unwillingly I have a tendency to stare off into space. It's like I know I'm not supposed to go back to sleep but I'm also too tired and lazy to actually do anything. I don't do it sitting on the toilet with my pants down though...

[jimmyslostchin]

I'm a 27 year old, healthy male. I like to turn on the shower in the morning, sit on the toilet, take a leak, try to shit and just space out while I'm waking up and let the exhaust fan and the running water white noise out the rest of the world while I start my day.

Now having said that, after hearing everything about your husband and seeing your pictures, I'd say there's definitely more to it. You're an attractive gal, and I was prepared to really smash you in this thread for being a busybody yenta, but you really may be on to something.

I honestly think it stems from his perceived inadequacies. Even after nearly 10 years together he may still feel awkward and shy about initiating sex. Go back to doing the initiating. If you do that and he's all into it perhaps you've found the root of the problem, if he starts turning you down when YOU initiate I would say throw in the towel.

[wes mantooth]

Show him this thread. He'll appreciate the feedback.










:action-sm

[Plunkies]

YI thought that giving him the chance to initiate would increase his confidence in addition to helping me not feel like such a loser because my bf / husband wouldn't even try to have sex with me.

Good call. Guys hate it when girls want to have sex with them. Why would you think making him ask for sex would increase his confidence when it decreases your confidence?

[BCH]

I think I may have figured this out. I bet he's reading the Weekly Standard in there.

[TreeFortRichard]

I think I may have figured this out. I bet he's reading Rent Boys in there.
there ya go

[DanaReevesLungs]

I think I may have figured this out. I bet he's reading Honcho in there.

:)

[SatansCheerledr]

How much for your daughter? I want to buy your child.

[leftybearfan]

The sitting on the toilet in silence part is relatively normal, IMO. I've been known to begin my day in much the same way (some guys need a cup of coffee to wake up, I like to sit in a steamy bathroom). The rest of the issues you guys are dealing with are going to do nothing but get worse unless you both make an effort to resolve them.



And by the way, the lots of head suggestion was spot on ;)

[Jolie]

I'll get to more later when the kid goes to sleep (shes NOT for sale ;)) but I used to give him head often (and swallow) and he still didn't initiate. And then he got off and I didn't, so eventually that stopped too.

[Cunt Smasher]

Sounds to me like the whole relationship is fucked.Everything you've described is a symptom of some deeper issue,the worst one being the fact he can't/won't talk to you about it.

[EarthCrisis]

i think selling your husband down the river on an message board isn't the best solution.

Time alone rules, every man needs it.

[Jolie]

I am a dad of a 3yo, happily married, get him this book
http://www.amazon.com/Strong-Fathers-Daughters-Secrets-Father/dp/0345499395/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1219781248&sr=8-1
it is all about how important a father is in a daughters life. My wife said it was the most accurate summary of what every girl needs from her dad.

As far as the bathroom thing, I think he has got some issues. You seem attractive...I am sure you can be bitchy, but he seems like half-a hobbit or something. Try setting up a
"To do" list of things to accomplish in a day/week/month (mostly for him). Spontaneous displays of affection are a good starter. A kiss, holding hands..whatever. SCHEDULE sex. As odd as it may seem set aside time. People do it for everything else, so why should sex be any different. With 2 jobs and a 3yo and laundry and cooking and dishes and daycare..you have to make the time.
Also, if he has never asked you for anything try something a little different. Try dirty talk during sex...but don't be scarry or annoying...just pretend he is making an ice cream sundae and you are watching him load on the toppings...
At least you are trying. If he is pissed that people find his behaviour odd, don't attack him with it because he will just get defensive and see you as unattracive and cunty. Take the "Honey, you see, it's not that weird that i am wondering if anything strange is going on in there..."
I was still wondering the answer to the 'manly' question. Is he worse off than he was when you got married? does he feel unattractive, and is just jacking it to take an easy way out? Is he concerned about another kid? Maybe he's just so lazy he'd rather jerk it than put in the time. Have you thought about getting a toy? You have your needs...


It is very important for you daugther to see that daddy and mommy love each other. Her brain is being programmed every day.

Thanks. I actually just ordered the book as a "love gift" for him.

I'm a 27 year old, healthy male. I like to turn on the shower in the morning, sit on the toilet, take a leak, try to shit and just space out while I'm waking up and let the exhaust fan and the running water white noise out the rest of the world while I start my day.

Dewd, thats kinda weird. ;)

Now having said that, after hearing everything about your husband and seeing your pictures, I'd say there's definitely more to it. You're an attractive gal, and I was prepared to really smash you in this thread for being a busybody yenta, but you really may be on to something.

I honestly think it stems from his perceived inadequacies. Even after nearly 10 years together he may still feel awkward and shy about initiating sex. Go back to doing the initiating. If you do that and he's all into it perhaps you've found the root of the problem, if he starts turning you down when YOU initiate I would say throw in the towel.


So, other than initiating and hoping, is there anything *I* can do to help him with these issues? I've told him I really don't think there is anything *I* can do and that he needs to work on some of his own issues before we ever have a hope at working on our combined issues, but I don't know if he either doesn't want to, or is scared to, or thinks I'm just using this as an excuse to blame him for the fact that our relationship is so stagnant, but my take on it is, as long as he is constantly trying to tell me what I WANT to hear instead of what he really thinks, and as long as he has these intimacy issues, we can't work on whatever is breaking our relationship. Because those two issues are going to be prevalent in absolutely every interaction we have, which will worry him and anger me. But if I'm way off base, and there IS something I can do to help, what is it?

[blazin]

Its still weird why he pisses sitting down. I've never even thought about doing that, except when I think I have to shit, but nothing comes out.

I say go smell your underwear for man ass.

[Sct Ptersns Twn]

I got nothing. I really need to read this thread again. Just when I think I have something........I lose it.

[THE FEZ MAN]

i think selling your husband down the river on an message board isn't the best solution.

Time alone rules, every man needs it.

i have to agree on this one, if the guy wants to rip one off in the morning whilst listening to the white noise of the shower so be it.

also posting this kind of stuff on the board can get you in trouble.... been there done that.

[jackjack]

i think selling your husband down the river on an message board isn't the best solution.


Got to agree there.. You've said a lot of things in a very public forum. If a relationship is growing apart, that's not going to make it any better.
Maybe he doesn't care, but I would.

[Sct Ptersns Twn]

Ok, I have read this thing twice. I honestly think he is depressed, how old is the fella?

[Jolie]

Ok, I have read this thing twice. I honestly think he is depressed, how old is the fella?


Hes 32. I'm 33.

[SatansCheerledr]

I think you to should just call the whole thing off and start from scratch. I think an excellent start to your new, fresh life would be to sell me your daughter.

[BCH]

I think you to should just call the whole thing off and start from scratch. I think an excellent start to your new, fresh life would be to sell me your daughter.

You can't BUY children no matter how much you want them!!

[SimpleSyrup]

You can't BUY children no matter how much you want them!!

That's why you have to steal them.

[krunk]

Are you from the niagra Fallas area and is your husband's name Todd by any chance?



Maybe he's just a member of the asexual club with Earl and Fezzie?

I'd say there's nothing you can do. you can;t make someoen do something they don;t want to do. As 12 steps as it sounds..it's still true. No one can make someone change their behavior if they don't want to. if he wants to change and improve what he does he will. If he doesn;t..he won't.


As for the sitting on the toilet with the water running..liek oither have said....there's "more" there. it's not normal to me. But it's not me doing it. If he's doing it and it's what he does, then it's nomral to him. And he'll continue to do it until it's not normal for him

[SimpleSyrup]

And for the record, based on the limited knowledge I have read here, you guys may be better off alone. As I mentioned before, my concern is always the well being of my son, but I think a child growing up around the mounting tension of their parents is as bad as growing up with only one in the house.

[THE FEZ MAN]

That's why you have to steal them.

yep cut those buns right out of the oven and leave the carcass

[Sct Ptersns Twn]

.........fresh life would be to sell me your daughter.


[talking real fast] Enough about the daughter. [/talking real fast]

[Capt.Caveman]

1 of 3 Things are going on:

a He's got a piece on the side
b He's gay
c He doesn't find you attractive anymore.


the fact that you've asked him if he's gay is a lil disturbing, and talked about having an open relationship is a lot of times a deal breaker. what is he jacking too? did you check his history?

[THE FEZ MAN]

what i find so funny is how many people have no respect for silence.

[Sct Ptersns Twn]

what i find so funny is how many people have no respect for silence while a man is in the shitter.


Fixed it for ya. :action-sm

[BCH]

I know a lady whos husband hides in some weird creepy basement labratory and fashions glass dildos over some enormous bunsen burner. Now that's weird.

[Capt.Caveman]

I know a lady whos husband hides in some weird creepy basement labratory and fashions glass dildos over some enormous bunsen burner. Now that's weird.

you know patrices girlfriend?

[DanaReevesLungs]

I know a lady whos husband hides in some weird creepy basement labratory and fashions glass dildos over some enormous bunsen burner. Now that's weird.

It's only weird if he's sticking them up his ass after wards. Otherwise, he has a great source of 2nd income.

[krunk]

I know a lady whos husband hides in some weird creepy basement labratory and fashions glass dildos over some enormous bunsen burner. Now that's weird.


you say weird....I say entrepreneurial

[THE FEZ MAN]

I know a lady whos husband hides in some weird creepy basement labratory and fashions glass dildos over some enormous bunsen burner. Now that's weird.

HEY! thanks for the plug..... and there marital aids :action-sm
http://www.wackbag.com/showthread.php?t=46458

http://i71.photobucket.com/albums/i145/mikefeathers/swirl.jpg

[lock cool jock]

Wow, this thread has taken some weird turns.

Anyway, if I have to wake up early and unwillingly I have a tendency to stare off into space. It's like I know I'm not supposed to go back to sleep but I'm also too tired and lazy to actually do anything. I don't do it sitting on the toilet with my pants down though...
Howard Johnson is right! When I wake too early I stare off into the distance like a fucking Dave,ah, I mean retard all the time. It's just your bodies way of collecting it's bearings.

[Zona992006]

Maybe he's jacking off and doesn't want to admit it. Plenty of men even with very active sex lives still feel the need to crank it daily. Maybe he wants time alone with his thoughts without his wife jabbering on and on. I say probably normal.

Exactamundo.

[DanaReevesLungs]

HEY! thanks for the plug..... and there marital aids

So do you stick them up your ass after wards?

[kidconnor]

First off you are very nice looking indeed. But no matter how attractive a person if you are having problems like you described, then maybe having sex is the last thing he wants to do with you.

which will worry him and anger me

Now why would he be so worried about what he says to you. Maybe nit picking, a little nagging, always quick to criticize him? I have no idea what I am talking about this just jumped out at me.

I suggest, as it seems divorce isnt in the near future, that you both try to make yourselves happy first. Share the child raising and household stuff but you each have to get out and do your own things apart from each other. Your happiness shouldn't depend on if the other is happy. I don't suggest cheating but friends, hobbies, maybe gym, whatever you like to do. I know thats VERY hard with the kids though.


I dunno made sense when I was thinking about it but made the 2 foot stupidity trip to my fingers.

[THE FEZ MAN]

So do you stick them up your ass after wards?

no, i have never shoved one of my dildo's up my ass. :rolleyes:

[Capt.Caveman]

no, i have never shoved one of my dildo's up my ass. :rolleyes:

only use the real thing?:action-sm

[leftybearfan]

1 of 3 Things are going on:

a He's got a piece on the side
b He's gay
c He doesn't find you attractive anymore.





I'm thinking it may be more like 3 of 3 things are going on.......

[Shaggz]

I sometimes sit on the edge of my bed or in my chair and be all zombie-ish pretty much just slowly waking up.
But this is before I even get up to do anything, if he is getting up, prepping his shower, then goes into zombie mode, meh, every has their ritual I guess.

[WOWmagnet]

"When it's over. That's when I fall in love again......."

C'mon. everybody!

"All the thing that she used to bring..."

What, no Sugar Ray fans?

[Jolie]

First off you are very nice looking indeed. But no matter how attractive a person if you are having problems like you described, then maybe having sex is the last thing he wants to do with you.



Now why would he be so worried about what he says to you. Maybe nit picking, a little nagging, always quick to criticize him? I have no idea what I am talking about this just jumped out at me.

I suggest, as it seems divorce isnt in the near future, that you both try to make yourselves happy first. Share the child raising and household stuff but you each have to get out and do your own things apart from each other. Your happiness shouldn't depend on if the other is happy. I don't suggest cheating but friends, hobbies, maybe gym, whatever you like to do. I know thats VERY hard with the kids though.


I dunno made sense when I was thinking about it but made the 2 foot stupidity trip to my fingers.

Well, of course, theres some nitpicking, some nagging and some criticizing... I'm a guurrlll...

But honestly, hes always been afraid that if he tells me something I don't want to hear, I will hate him. Unfortunately, the only thing I DON'T want to hear is a lie, and that's generally what he tells me. I could go into a long history of the stupid little white lies he tells for no apparent reason, but it gets really lengthy really fast.

Your advice is actually very much in line with my therapists advice. She says I should just lead my life however I want at this point, and share duties in the home. She pointed out that he may not do the same (he basically won't do anything without me or our daughter involved), but that I should find friends, or associations or something to be a part of, so at least I'm not sitting at home all the time being cranky about this.

[Stig]

This is about a month ago:

http://www.insanityplea.net/pics/deb2.jpg

I see the wedding ring is long gone. :rolleyes:

[TreeFortRichard]

I see the wedding ring is long gone. :rolleyes:
nice catch columbo...just one more question...


a common thinking is that he's jacking it in there...and that's fine...as long as he's getting things done in bed as well...which he isn't...Guy's will jack to jack, but if the wife wants it...the wife should get it. It's some kind of a problem if you are never having sex and just jacking it, esp when the woman you married is asking for it. Have you ever checked his status after one of these episodes? Can he even get hard, or does he have a droopy abused cock. A little investigationing will reveal if he is out of service due to use. Then you have one of your questions answered

[Stig]

a common thinking is that he's jacking it in there...and that's fine...as long as he's getting things done in bed as well...which he isn't...Guy's will jack to jack, but if the wife wants it...the wife should get it.

Perhaps he could jack into a baby food jar or something so she can have it later. For a snack.

[buxotica]

I understand the mutual dissolution as my ex and I did that, but there are times 1 person has to make the decision that's best for the marriage (or lack there of). He's not going to turn around overnight and be who you married again. If he hasn't changed since you were dating, you know what the future will be, but if he has changed (which it sounds like he has) you're living with a lot of unpredictability. It's detrimental you can't get an honest answer out of him due to his compulsive lying. I'd say he lied about why he won't divorce you either...he knows he'll lose his shirt if y'all divorce. Sad, sad reality unfortunately.

A nail hit squarely on the head.

When your husband is on the shitter in the morning, he has what's known as the Thousand Yard Stare. It's experienced by combat veterans who have been through too much awful shit and married men who have accepted the reality that their life is fucked beyond repair. Take the advice of others here and suck his dick often and WELL. Also, ditch that fucking useless therapist. " Just live your life, Jolie. Find some friends. That will be $250, please." I HAAAAATE therapists. Used to work in a hospital full of them. Fucking windbags are like chiropractors. She'll have you coming back for life.:arrrh:

[lokimanahan]

Thanks. I actually just ordered the book as a "love gift" for him.



Dewd, thats kinda weird. ;)




So, other than initiating and hoping, is there anything *I* can do to help him with these issues? I've told him I really don't think there is anything *I* can do and that he needs to work on some of his own issues before we ever have a hope at working on our combined issues, but I don't know if he either doesn't want to, or is scared to, or thinks I'm just using this as an excuse to blame him for the fact that our relationship is so stagnant, but my take on it is, as long as he is constantly trying to tell me what I WANT to hear instead of what he really thinks, and as long as he has these intimacy issues, we can't work on whatever is breaking our relationship. Because those two issues are going to be prevalent in absolutely every interaction we have, which will worry him and anger me. But if I'm way off base, and there IS something I can do to help, what is it?

OK, now for the serious answer:

Is he uncircumcised? If so, that might explain while he pees sitting down, as some uncircumcised men can be a bit sloppy when they pee standing up.

Whatever's going on, it doesn't sound like it has anything to do with you, or that there's anything that you can do about it, beyond encouraging him to seek some professional help. I wouldn't be remotely surprised if he's experiencing depression and/or anxiety, because that's what it sounds like, really.

[TallBaby]

1.) Sits there and does nothing
2.) Doesnt want sex
3.) Lies all the time for no reason


are you married to Earl Douglas?

[jimmyslostchin]

Dewd, thats kinda weird. ;)

Thanks, I'm a weird kinda dude. ;)




So, other than initiating and hoping, is there anything *I* can do to help him with these issues? I've told him I really don't think there is anything *I* can do and that he needs to work on some of his own issues before we ever have a hope at working on our combined issues, but I don't know if he either doesn't want to, or is scared to, or thinks I'm just using this as an excuse to blame him for the fact that our relationship is so stagnant, but my take on it is, as long as he is constantly trying to tell me what I WANT to hear instead of what he really thinks, and as long as he has these intimacy issues, we can't work on whatever is breaking our relationship. Because those two issues are going to be prevalent in absolutely every interaction we have, which will worry him and anger me. But if I'm way off base, and there IS something I can do to help, what is it?

Well, if you go back to trying to initiate for awhile and it doesn't work out, if that doesn't snap him out of his doldrums or cheer him up, then perhaps he needs to be hit with an ultimatum. Either he starts talking to you about why he's so interested in reversing the stereotype of marriages and being in one where the husband doesn't want any sex, or that's it, it's over. Seriously, do you wanna waste the rest of your life living that way? Like others have said, do you really want to just stay together for the kid while there is all that tension between you two in the house?

Of course on the other hand, he's 32, you're 33, perhaps he just sees your snatch like Afghanistan. Barren, dry, inhospitable, unforgiving and depleted. :action-sm

[flyerfan116]

Could it be some kind of OCD or ritual or something? Just sounds very odd...and the whole sitting down to pee thing is kind of disturbing....can't help but to thing of Norton's bit in GTA IV..def. odd

[fuckwit]

The man probably has secrets and alot on his mind. And he probably has a confidant since he cant talk to you.
Ive heard this kind of thing alot from both sides of marriages, and they have ended in divorce. You can end it, deal with it, or attempt to fix it. I read someone say patience in this thread. Thats good advice if you really want to help your relationship I think. Dont force him into anything and stay off his back about negative things. Dont nag him or give him another reason to get down on you.
Anything positive like sex initiate yourself if he isnt. If you seriously think hes gay than dont bother. But if your just using that against him for not initiating with you hes going to fucking hate your guts.
The secrets and lies I remember being a big deal for a woman I knew who was a good friend of mine. She eventually left her husband who was my best friend. He kept some secrets from even me and we were friends since childhood. But he had one person he did tell. Think about it and if you really want to know what it is that he feels he cant tell you try opening up to him yourself. (they might not be very big at all, or they might be, dont be surprised by either) Tell him some of your secrets but dont demand anything in return. You probably have your own. My friend (the wife) did. He might not immediately tell you and he might never. But as it is now if hes hiding something hes probably not going to spontaneously open up about it.
And be careful forcing him into counseling. Maybe ask your counselor for advice in your private sessions about how to approach him yourself. He might not be the kind of person who can open up about everything to a stranger.

Good Luck Jolie

[Capt.Caveman]

1.) Sits there and does nothing
2.) Doesnt want sex
3.) Lies all the time for no reason


are you married to Earl Douglas?

:haha7::clap::clap:

[THE FEZ MAN]

I see the wedding ring is long gone. :rolleyes:

ive never worn a wedding ring

[Jolie]

ive never worn a wedding ring

Even before all this, it was rare for me to wear it - i cant sleep in it, cause I move around too much and scratch my face with it, so i stopped wearing it at night, and never remember in the morning.

[lokimanahan]

Even before all this, it was rare for me to wear it - i cant sleep in it, cause I move around too much and scratch my face with it, so i stopped wearing it at night, and never remember in the morning.

That's weird. Justin sayin'.........

[Jolie]

That's weird. Justin sayin'.........

Yes, I know it is.

Besides, I generally wear an emerald / diamond ring or a ruby / diamond ring when I wear jewelry at all. And he bought me both of those too, so that has to count for something right?

ok, maybe not

[THE FEZ MAN]

i just see no reason to ware one, hey im married, i know it, my wife knows it, that and in my line of work it could cost me a finger so fuck it i ware no jewelry

[Stig]

Even before all this, it was rare for me to wear it - i cant sleep in it, cause I move around too much and scratch my face with it, so i stopped wearing it at night, and never remember in the morning.

I just hate wearing jewelry of any kind.

[Shootr]

My .02...

The ex felt "neglected" because I didn't constantly praise her for: not having to work, only having to take care of the home and two kids - that were at school 7 hours/day.

But she couldn't take care of the house, didn't provide any discipline to the kids, and didn't appreciate that I worked 12hrs/day with NO COMPLAINTS to provide for her/them.

It was either divorce or my brains on the wall - and bitches aren't worth the latter. I see my kids twice week (incl. weekends) and they are better off now than when we were married.

After a year or two, met another gal that actually showed me what normal is. Isn't mental, doesn't ask for false praise, grabs my ass as much as I grab hers.

Bottom line - I (we) don't need to be praised for providing because it's in our DNA to do so anyways. Some of us appreciate their women, but don't verbalize it because that is just the way we are - deal with it. If you start to do shit that pisses us off (consciously or not) then expect us to grab sanctuary whenever we can - and yes, you can disgust us enough that we wouldn't touch you with a 10' pole.

[Jolie]

My .02...

The ex felt "neglected" because I didn't constantly praise her for: not having to work, only having to take care of the home and two kids - that were at school 7 hours/day.

But she couldn't take care of the house, didn't provide any discipline to the kids, and didn't appreciate that I worked 12hrs/day with NO COMPLAINTS to provide for her/them.

It was either divorce or my brains on the wall - and bitches aren't worth the latter. I see my kids twice week (incl. weekends) and they are better off now than when we were married.

After a year or two, met another gal that actually showed me what normal is. Isn't mental, doesn't ask for false praise, grabs my ass as much as I grab hers.

Bottom line - I (we) don't need to be praised for providing because it's in our DNA to do so anyways. Some of us appreciate their women, but don't verbalize it because that is just the way we are - deal with it. If you start to do shit that pisses us off (consciously or not) then expect us to grab sanctuary whenever we can - and yes, you can disgust us enough that we wouldn't touch you with a 10' pole.

did you read any of this thread? I think even most of the people who thought I was just being a nagging cunt in the beginning either a) decided it wasnt worth it to keep posting or b) read what I've posted and see that I'm not really THAT much of a nagging cunt after all, and have some rather good points.

I'm not looking for "praise". I'm looking for sex.

This whole debate between us started because I, like most of the MEN in this thread, think hes actually jacking it in the bathroom and just not admitting it. Which would be FINE if I ever got sex. But since I don't, its troubling. And whats more troubling is that if he IS jacking it (he swears hes not) then hes lying about it. The whole conversation between my husband and i was based on, if hes in the bathroom doing absolutely nothing, like he says he is, then that's kind of weird. If hes doing what most normal, well adjusted men would be doing and cranking one out to start his day, that's not so weird, but then its annoying cause hes not having sex with me.

And well, on the other points - I work as many, if not more hours per day than my husband and still find time to pay all the bills and manage all of our finances (my husband has no idea how much he actually brings home each pay period, has no idea how much is in his 401k, and probably doesn't even know how much hes contributing to his 401k because I take care of all of that for him), cook dinner 3-4 nights per week (the rest is generally eating out because of our schedule), take care of my daughter (he helps a LOT here), and occasionally do laundry. In return, because of my schedule, my husband gets our daughter ready for school and drops her off (I pick her up), cleans the kitchen (since I cook) and does the rest of the laundry. He and my daughter generally do the majority of the straightening up on maid days, because generally we forget they are coming until that morning, and my schedule is such that I have less time in the morning to help. I also do 90% of all disciplining, because I'm the *strong* person in the household.

I get paid less, and have a more demanding job in a higher position than my husband (hes a principal administrator at his company, i'm a director responsible for the work/output of 13 people at mine).

And in spite of all that I do, I'm not looking for praise. I'm looking for honesty, and sex.

[Stig]

I'm looking for honesty, and sex.

I'm sure there are a few fellas around here willing to help you with half of that. :action-sm

[whiteknight2084]

So I was having a discussion with my husband today, and we were discussing how long it takes him in the morning to get ready for work. In the course of the discussion, it came out that he turns on the shower, and then sits on the can for 10 minutes... doing nothing. Not taking a shit, not reading, not anything - just sits to pee and then stays there for 10 minutes staring at the door.

So question... is this weird, or is this perfectly normal?
I start the shower also but I sit and shit, but sometimes a guy needs a some time to get himself ready for the day or decompress after work

[Shootr]

Yeah, I read every painful post. That's why I put "my .02". But you didn't have answers to my theory until your last post - so back off.

New theory - he hates you but is too much of a pussy to move on because it's "safe" to stay put. Give him the ultimatum, kick his ass out if he doesn't straighten up, and find someone that appreciates you.

Again, my situation - it would appear that I found someone like you on my second try, and am glad for it. Head is screwed on straight, confident in herself, and is turned on whether she is pursued or pursuing. You deserve it and someone out there will appreciate what you bring to the table - 'cause he doesn't.

[Three Hole Puncher]

Okay... I skimmed through your journal, and I think I see something there that may shine a little light on your husband's behavior, and here it is...

Jaysus tap dancin' Christ on the TEEVEE looky box, woman... but you're beyond obsessed with every hair on your child's head.

I mean, good on you for caring about your child, but jeez... it's creepy, almost alarming, how fixated you are on your kid's every fart and hiccup.

If someone showed me your journal and told me it was the journal of some crazy broad who killed her child while in the grips of Munchausen by proxy mania, I'd be like, "Yep... chick was wacked. You can see it in her writings, clear as crystal."

I'm not saying I think you'd harm your kid, and I'm sure you're a great mother... but damn, girl. Your kooky preoccupation with your kid's every move and mood has got to be spilling over into your relationship with your husband.

You also seem to have a bit of that there hypochondria... and not just for yourself, you seem to project it on everyone around you too. I lived with a hypochondriac... and it can get beyond frustrating.

I think I'm beginning to understand your husband's dryshitting ritual... the man just wants some peace and fricken quiet from the drama that hangs around you like Pigpen's dirt cloud.

[Jolie]

Okay... I skimmed through your journal, and I think I see something there that may shine a little light on your husband's behavior, and here it is...

Jaysus tap dancin' Christ on the TEEVEE looky box, woman... but you're beyond obsessed with every hair on your child's head.

I mean, good on you for caring about your child, but jeez... it's creepy, almost alarming, how fixated you are on your kid's every fart and hiccup.

If someone showed me your journal and told me it was the journal of some crazy broad who killed her child while in the grips of Munchausen by proxy mania, I'd be like, "Yep... chick was wacked. You can see it in her writings, clear as crystal."

I'm not saying I think you'd harm your kid, and I'm sure you're a great mother... but damn, girl. Your kooky preoccupation with your kid's every move and mood has got to be spilling over into your relationship with your husband.

You also seem to have a bit of that there hypochondria... and not just for yourself, you seem to project it on everyone around you too. I lived with a hypochondriac... and it can get beyond frustrating.

I think I'm beginning to understand your husband's dryshitting ritual... the man just wants some peace and fricken quiet from the drama that hangs around you like Pigpen's dirt cloud.

I'll grant you the hypochondria thing.

As for the journal, most of its related to my kid because thats all I write about. I could write about firing people at work, or the fact that I'm getting reorged - again - and its a stupid reorg this time, or other things like that, but the stuff about her is safer than the other stuff.

And these problems existed before the kid (the lack of initiating sex, etc...). He always told white lies. The major lies that I found out about were ones I found out about after she was born (the fact that he had accounts at a number of dating sites, and was using adult chat rooms to try to find people being the most prominant), but they started before she was born.

And I dont buy the peace and quiet thing - hes up 45 minutes before me every weekday, and I tend to go out a lot more in the evenings than he does, so he gets his peace and quiet then too. Seriously, I find myself guilty for the number of times I'm not at the house, because he doesn't do the same thing (his choice, not mine, I would gladly throw him out of the house for an hour to get a break).

[wes mantooth]

You should have dumped him before the kid came along. Just saying.

[DanaReevesLungs]

I must say this board is definitely thorough when it comes our thought process.

[Three Hole Puncher]

I'll grant you the hypochondria thing.

As for the journal, most of its related to my kid because thats all I write about. I could write about firing people at work, or the fact that I'm getting reorged - again - and its a stupid reorg this time, or other things like that, but the stuff about her is safer than the other stuff.

Yeah... you DO have to be careful about posting workplace shit online these days. There are always little workplace spies and nazis who are monitoring everyone else's business... looking for some shit to bust you out on.

And these problems existed before the kid (the lack of initiating sex, etc...). He always told white lies. The major lies that I found out about were ones I found out about after she was born (the fact that he had accounts at a number of dating sites, and was using adult chat rooms to try to find people being the most prominant), but they started before she was born.

Dating sites and chat rooms? That's bullshit... you sould've thrown his weasel ass out in the street.

My wife "caught me" chatting online with slutty whores last week. I walk in the house and she pounces on me... "Is this what you do all day? Chat online with your sluts?" I was like "The fuck?" I haven't 'chatted' with anyone online since like 1997... when the interwebs was new and I didn't know any better. So my wife shows me some RealPlayer messaging center robospam crap on the computer from a porn site... "Hey, stud. My name's Tina, and I want your thick, veiny cock."

I was like... "Um, honey... that's robotic spam, and I never even loaded Real Player, because I WOULD never load Real Player, because it's all spamming crap. Did YOU happen to load Real Player by any chance?"

She gets an "Oh yeah" look on her face... "Last week, I wanted to watch this video of a surgical procedure, but it said I needed to download a video program, and maybe..."

At about that time I walked out the door laughing and yelled over my shoulder, "Hey, tell Tina I'll be right over with my thick, veiny cock!"

Adult chat? :icon_roll Like I'm a pathetic loser who needs that sorry ass drama in my life.

And I dont buy the peace and quiet thing - hes up 45 minutes before me every weekday, and I tend to go out a lot more in the evenings than he does, so he gets his peace and quiet then too. Seriously, I find myself guilty for the number of times I'm not at the house, because he doesn't do the same thing (his choice, not mine, I would gladly throw him out of the house for an hour to get a break).

Yeah... fuck 'em. He's a tool.

[Jolie]

Yeah, so I get the stupid robot stuff too - but he was intentionally going into the adult chat rooms, just to "observe" he says (and hes uncomfortable enough with himself that i might believe that). His job put him in a place where he had easy access to some of these (he was the admin for one for awhile) and he would use early morning installs as an excuse to go to the adult rooms for fun. He swore up and down he never used one, until I saw that he had, and then had to come clean. Also swore up and down he didn't have an adult friendfinder account, until i found it and he had to come clean.

I know I should probably not still be with him, but as of yet, I still haven't left. That's my biggest weakness. Partly its because (and heres where you can all start hating me again) we've both grown accustomed to a certain way of life, financially, that we would both have to give up if we got divorced, and I'm somewhat comfortable in this life.

I think what we really need to do is come to an understanding where we may not LOVE eachother, but if we can at least like eachother enough to stay together for the kid, and have our lives and possibly playthings on the side, that it will either be enough or one of the playthings will turn into something more and we can do something about it then.

God, we are pathetic.

[WOWmagnet]

God, we are pathetic.

Yep.

You need side-dick....come to NYC ;) .

p.s. leave the kid with Spanky...just sayin'.

[DanaReevesLungs]

Yeah, so I get the stupid robot stuff too - but he was intentionally going into the adult chat rooms, just to "observe" he says (and hes uncomfortable enough with himself that i might believe that). His job put him in a place where he had easy access to some of these (he was the admin for one for awhile) and he would use early morning installs as an excuse to go to the adult rooms for fun. He swore up and down he never used one, until I saw that he had, and then had to come clean. Also swore up and down he didn't have an adult friendfinder account, until i found it and he had to come clean.

I know I should probably not still be with him, but as of yet, I still haven't left. That's my biggest weakness. Partly its because (and heres where you can all start hating me again) we've both grown accustomed to a certain way of life, financially, that we would both have to give up if we got divorced, and I'm somewhat comfortable in this life.

I think what we really need to do is come to an understanding where we may not LOVE eachother, but if we can at least like eachother enough to stay together for the kid, and have our lives and possibly playthings on the side, that it will either be enough or one of the playthings will turn into something more and we can do something about it then.

God, we are pathetic.


So you'd rather put in all of this extra effort to find a "play thing" just to stay in a financial comfort zone? I don't know if I could ever live my life second guessing everything the person I'm committed to is out there getting something on the side or pretending to be someone they're not. Much respect if you can pull it off successfully, but I'd be at odds with my self hourly. If he agrees to it mutually, I wouldn't have such a problem with it, but it seems like he wants his cake, M&Ms and ice cream, but all you get is the frosting, if that.

I'm curious, how many times a day does he even tell you he loves you?

[kidconnor]

(and hes uncomfortable enough with himself that i might believe that).
.

So you think your husband is a weak spined, less-than-average-man? And you stilll want him to F*** you?
1)he probably knows you see him as weak. and
2)You would be excited/satisfied by a man like that?


I think what we really need to do is come to an understanding where we may not LOVE eachother

I think if your saying it then you don't love him.

Either agree to bang outside the relationship or go look for a happy monogamous relationship, after the split.

Do you honestly think things can change? And, if yes, how long do you think that will take? Long enough for you to be too old to even feel like finding a new relationship?

[Capt.Caveman]

I think it's your liberal mentality.

[THE FEZ MAN]

she sounds like my wife