Show Open
• Ant is once again distracted at the start of the show because of the ongoing problems with his headset. He listens to himself on Op’s headphones to see what he sounds like, and let’s Op hear what is sounds like on his. Ant drops the headphones and sets off one of the clips on the instant replay machine. Op says he was talking to Eric Logan, who was sick with the flu, and explaining to him that the plan is to get everything fixed when they come off the premium channel. Op says that someone suggested that they don’t know how to work the equipment, to which Ant says that person can go fuck themselves. Op shows that he understands how to work the board by adjusting the volume on everyone’s mic. Ant asks why they are bitching to the paying listeners, but trying not to be bitching when they are open to everyone, and Op explains that’s because they already have those listeners, and they need to impress the new listeners.
• Op lets everyone know that starting Monday, the show will be changing to 7 to 11 am, and that this is the first step in getting the band together. Op says that this will be helping him tremendously, and Ant says it really doesn’t make a difference in his commute. Ant starts reading some of the instant feedback from people that hate it. Op says that’s why the Myfi is good, and that eventually some of the replays may need to be eliminated for new shows – and Ant and Jimmy make subtle references as to what these new shows are (Hoo-hah).
• They notice the crash of the day on the news, which involves a minivan – which segues into them talking about how men have to give up their manly SUVs for minivans. The talk about how your hot girlfriend morphs into a mom, by cutting her hair shorter. Op says he remembers taking the train from LI, and seeing women that seemed to have lost touch with their femininity.
• Caller – says his wife did the same thing, but after they divorced she went back to looking hot. Ant says that is why he stays away from seeing ex’s because you don’t want to see that they are looking better than when they were with you. Jimmy brings up the story of his ex, who threw an ashtray through her boyfriend’s plasma TV. Jimmy tells the story of meeting her at the old show at WNEW and his first date with her, when she was robbed in Washington Square Park trying to score coke.
• Caller – has an ex-wife story, where he ran into his wife at a strip club.
• Caller – says she heard a replay of the WNEW show that Jimmy was talking about on a replay website.
• They switch to talking about the news anchors on WABC, Steve Bertelstein (sp) and Bill Evans. They play the audio they had before of Bill correcting Steve’s pronunciation (“Why don’t you do it Bill?”). While Op is switching audio, Ant picks up one of the audio problems that Op has been dealing with. Then they play audio from the show today, with Steve saying that Bill is surfing a weathermen4weathermen chat room.
• Caller – says his wife is getting the same way, and that now he is thinking of going back with his ex.
• Jimmy teases a story after break, and Op and Ant yeccch his teasing skills.
• “Sands through the Hourglass” – Tawny Peaks from yesterday into break.
Break
• Op says that Ben is pissed because they changed the hotline numbers, and that guests that were calling in today won’t be able to get through. Op also says that he was watching the Bernie Goetz surveillance camera video last night, and that people were commenting that the video cancels out Ben’s herky-jerkiness. Op also says the video has been downloaded 5100 times.
• Jimmy tells his story, about a man that slipped on the ice, hit his head and froze to death because 911 couldn’t locate him. It turns out that he lied to his wife about going to work, and that he really went to go drinking.
• They also tell another story about a man smoking and he fell out a window.
• Jimmy also says that the dentist says that his teeth were really clean. He starts explaining the dentist exam, and Op points out that everyone has that done. He also explains that they gave him a foot massage to relax during the cleaning. Op says he went to a dentist that used old style holistic medication.
• Caller – says he can’t hear them really good (which is a common problem). The guy goes on to say he want to know why Jimmy isn’t on XM Comedy 150. Op says the truth is, that they really don’t have a connection to 150, even though there should be because their show is a comedy show.
• Caller – says that his dentist stopped mid-exam and logged on to the New York Radio message board. Op explains what that means – it’s a reference to Allen Sniffen, a full time dentist that runs a message board about New York radio. Ant explains his “board reflections” which is him voicing the major issues on his message board.
• Caller – he says that he does hear Jimmy on the comedy channel. Jimmy says that he doesn’t watch or listen to other comedians, because he doesn’t want to inadvertently pick up anyone else’s material. Op says that he is building his own radio station on his Ipod, which includes Miles Davis music. Ant says that he thinks no one like Miles Davis, but they keep it on their Ipod playlist to seem cool. Ant and Jimmy say that Jazz stinks, and Op says he was with them until he listened to this Miles Davis song. They play a track from Miles Davis that Op was listening to; Ant says this proves his point, it is just horrible. Then they talk about Eric Clapton, and Jimmy says that his song “Layla” blows. Jimmy also starts saying that “Smooth” by Santana also blows. They all disagree with him, but Jimmy says he doesn’t care. Jimmy explains that he likes eclectic taste with music. Jimmy also says he says he hates critics, and he brings up Roger Ebert saying that Morgan Freeman is the best actor in the country.
• Op starts playing audio from a Clint Eastwood Movie - (“Play Misty for Me”), and this segues into them talking about poetry.
Op says he really hates that Footprints poem, and they play a country song about the poem. Jimmy says the only poem to song he has ever liked is a song by Bob Marley called “War”.
• They go back to the audio from the Eastwood movie.
• Wheelchair Fred on the phone, thanking them for his stage name – “Wheelchair Fred”. Fred explains that the reason he is calling in today is because he will be doing the news later in the show.
• Op reiterates that he really hates that Footprints poem, and he wants to know who was being carried during the Tsunami tragedy.
• “Sand through the Hourglass” – Bernie Goetz goes nuts into break.
Break
• Ant is reading from the Enquirer, which has pictures of stars smoking weed.
• They talk about Dan Rather signing off for the last time last night, and no one really cared. Op plays audio of Rather reminiscing on his career. They discuss the effectiveness of news anchors, and Op says he likes Peter Jennings because he gave them a fair shake when they got fired. Then he plays Dan Rather’s final words before signing off.
• Caller – calls in to explain why Dan Rather is good *crash*
• They start comparing Dan Rather to About Schmidt.
• Ant and Jimmy discuss their political ideologies, while Op eats.
• They check on Wheelchair Fred, and Op says they will take a quick break and go to him next.
• Ant sees the IF sending in the CNN telling dick jokes comment, and he says that’s it he is officially canceling that joke, because he is tired of it.
Jimmy remembers while he was at Comedy Central, and being censored, and Op says that’s why they have said that it isn’t the FCC that it is the biggest problem, it’s the management.
• Caller points out that Wal-Mart is hypocritical with their standards.
• Audio of Jay Leno, with Roseanne Barr into break.
Break
• Ant welcomes everyone back. Op says that the Penthouse reporter is outside the studio to do an interview with them.
• Lizzie Grubman calls in. Op says he remembers meeting her during their hiatus. She says that she worked at WNEW while it was Blink, and she tells them about her show coming up on MTV. Op says that Lizzie always has hot women around her constantly. Jimmy asks her about the advertising for their show, which has been nonexistent so far. She says that they should hire her. They also ask her how they can get invited to her parties. They mention her accident, and they play the laugh track.
• They talk about how out of place they would be at celebrity parties, and that Ben is just natural at parties like that.
• Comedian Bill Bailey joins them in studio. They talk about the Happy Days/Mork crossover show. Bill says he is glad he can just talk without censoring himself. He also triggers the C word alert, by saying it multiple times - Opie hits the wrong button on the instant replay and plays the “Midget Sighting” promo sound. Bill talks about how in England the men use cunt a lot.
• They explain Wheelchair Fred to Bill, since he is calling in to do the news next. Wheelchair Fred on the phone, and he explains that he will not let guys do anything to him, but he will let a woman use a strap-on on him. He thanks them again for inventing his name (hoo-hoo). They point out that it really wasn’t a stroke of genius to think up a name for him.
• He starts doing the news - (during which Op mispronounces subpoenaed). In the middle of his news, Opie suddenly has an idea (strap in folks) – He thinks that Wheelchair Fred should give a demonstration of what he does with a dildo to get off. He doesn’t get it at first, so they explain it better. At first, he says he has too much class to do that, but they finally convince him to roll into the bathroom and get his dildo. As he rolls in he explains that he keeps the dildo in a toolbox. Once he gets it, they ask him to tap it on the phone and he complies. He hesitates again, and Opie tells him if he doesn’t do it, he will be off the show. He says he will think of Ant’s ex wife while he does it, and Ant says they have something in common because she stuck something up his ass too. Finally he does it, and his voice gets noticeably higher, which the boys point out. Bill points out that this might be a good time to do the news. He continues doing it while describing to them what he is doing, and finally Op decides they should play the silent game on him, which they do. He notices the silence and starts asking if they are there, and then he eventually hangs up, but not before letting them know that he needs to clean up, and asking girls “Just do me, for God’s sake” - (Ugh, that just may be the worst paragraph I’ve ever had to type…)
Jimmy jokes “Does anyone else have a hard-on?” ; Op says he is speechless, and Ben says it’s a good time to plug his CD.
• FU Line into break
Break
• Ant starts reading some on the instant feedback on the Fred segment before (“Turn it off”, “Good to see that he is doing the news O’Reilly Style”), and then they take some calls from listeners talking about it. Ant reads another IF, which says that was the scariest tub scene since “The Shining”, which leads to them doing Shining references. Op says tomorrow they will replay that audio and put music behind it.
• Op plays audio from the Brady Bunch of Mike Brady explaining the first time he kissed a girl.
• Ben Bailey tries to give a quick plug but…
Program Complete
Photoshops by: cigarsandscotch and freak8
March 10th 2005 – “For God’s Sake, say something!”
