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Five cocktails only a dickhead would order

Discussion in 'Wackbag's Mean Cusine' started by BIV, Jul 1, 2013.

  1. BIV

    BIV I'm Biv Dick Black, the Over Poster. Donator

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    http://blogs.westword.com/cafesociety/2013/05/five_cocktails_only_dickheads.php
  2. fletcher

    fletcher Darkness always says hello. Donator

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    No bikini tinies?

    /obligitory
  3. Three Hole Puncher

    Three Hole Puncher gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh Donator

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    Agree with all the frufru bitch drinks... but a classic Martini? What kind of shitheap dive is this guy going to that considers a vodka Martini too complicated and exotic?

    Bars don't bother carrying dry vermouth? Yes... I'm sure biker bars and flophouse bars don't. Any bar that doesn't have a bottle of dry vermouth on hand is officially a dive.
  4. Three Hole Puncher

    Three Hole Puncher gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh Donator

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    True about the Old Fashioned... I make them at home as a rare treat... a well-prepared Manhattan is a wonderful thing. But I would never order one out at a regular bar. A high end bar... maybe.
  5. BIV

    BIV I'm Biv Dick Black, the Over Poster. Donator

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    Read it. it's about ruining the alcohol, not the other way around.
  6. Ballbuster1

    Ballbuster1 Super Moderator Wackbag Staff

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    Beer and virgin drinks aren't cocktails and who
    the fuck is bothered by making a vodka martini?

    Kind of a lame article.
    LZMF1 and VicVinegar like this.
  7. Three Hole Puncher

    Three Hole Puncher gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh Donator

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    It's bullshit.

    Vermouth isn't just a "masker'... it's just as valid a mixer as any other mixer. The point of all mixers used to be to cover the horrid taste of shitty booze. By this guy's logic... all mixers should have been done away with when booze got better. Nonsense.

    Gin tastes a fuckload better now than the turpentine gin of the 1920's... so am I being stupid when I drink a gin and tonic nowadays?
  8. LiddyRules

    LiddyRules Mr. Sarcasm is The Answer to Everything Donator

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    Hah hah. Someone can't get laid at a bar.
    CougarHunter likes this.
  9. VicVinegar

    VicVinegar Registered User

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    I guess it is classier in the author's book to order a Yagerbomb than a dirty martini. Nevermind you order a classic drink like an Old Fashioned. What about mojitos? Isn't that also too much work for these poor bartenders?
  10. Stormrider666

    Stormrider666 Hell is home. Donator

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    Sounds like it was written by some lazy bartender that doesn't want to do his job.
  11. Hudson

    Hudson Supreme Champion!!!!! Donator

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    Grew up with my family drinking Old Fashioneds, Grandad Old Fashioned's to be specific. Many a time I have heard my grandfather say to the cocktail waitress: "Grandad Old Fashioned...but not too much water because Old Grandad can't swim". It is a classic mixed drink, like a Dirty Martini,...If a bartender gets fits when asked to make one, they shouldn't own the moniker bartender.
    Now Grasshopper, Lemondrop, or Oatmeal Cookie...those are queer drinks. And that picture is of a Whiskey Sour, another breakfast or queeb drink.
  12. Cunt Smasher

    Cunt Smasher Caligula Jr.

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    Tequila sunrise.
    NeonTaster likes this.
  13. Mother Shucker

    Mother Shucker I'm over here now.

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    So I am guessing the hipster douche that wrote this just orders shots?
  14. LiddyRules

    LiddyRules Mr. Sarcasm is The Answer to Everything Donator

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    Only if it comes with a PBR. Not a sissy drink like lime beer. That the guys with muscles drink. The ones who the chicks go for. They're all meanies. I mean, he doesn't hate that sort of beer. Bartenders do. Because they're making sales?
  15. Mother Shucker

    Mother Shucker I'm over here now.

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    I hope this guy gets killed by a drunk driver that is smashed on strawberry daiquiri's.
    DonTheTrucker likes this.
  16. whiskeyguy

    whiskeyguy PR representative for Drunk Whiskeyguy. Donator

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    I don't really care what anyone orders at a bar, but girls that ask to see a drink menu at the bar itself should be killed. Get a fucking booth if you want to do that, there are serious drinkers waiting in line behind you.

    Thankfully, I rarely drink at establishments classy enough to actually have a drink menu, but that seems to always happen whenever I'm on vacation in places like Tahoe or wherever.
  17. Neckbeard

    Neckbeard I'm Team Piggy! Donator

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    The Old Fashioned one is preposterous. Maybe if you order one in Nebraska or Georgia you're kind of a twat, especially if you insist on proclaiming the "right way"
    to make one, but they are popular in California and institutions in the Midwest. I'd love for this bartender to work in Minnesota or Wisconsin and try to make a living
    without mixing highball Old Fashioneds. Half of the money you make in the Midwest is selling whiskey and brandy Old Fashioneds.

    They are a great Barometer Cocktail. I've never had good service and good food from a bar that served me a shitty, half-assed Old Fashioned.

    Edit: Sugar cube, bitters, rail whiskey, top it off with soda in a rocks glass. There is NOTHING ritzy about an Old Fashioned. The grimiest bars I've been in my life have made me Old Fashioneds.

    P.S. DENVER COLORADO wants to give me alcohol advice? Fuck you, lady.
  18. NeonTaster

    NeonTaster ネオンテイスター Donator

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    Sex on the Beach. Orgasm. Any drink with a sexual name is the mark of a douche.

    And I do enjoy a good Manhattan or Old Fashioned, but only if it's at one of those restaurants that only have 4 or 5 drinks and that's the best one.

    And you get a pass on frozen drinks if it's at a party where they are being blended. Ordering it off the menu is pretty douchey.
  19. DonTheTrucker

    DonTheTrucker I talk on the radio. No, really, I do.

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    Nothing wrong with a fruity drink if you're in the tropics. Basically if a linen suit is ok, so is a fruity drink.
  20. Hudson

    Hudson Supreme Champion!!!!! Donator

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    Only if Native booze is involved....
  21. Hudson

    Hudson Supreme Champion!!!!! Donator

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    While anyplace can give you an Old Fashioned...I can name 4 places that I have had a truly great one: Rods in Florham Park, NJ. Publick House in Sturbridge, Mass. Bookbinders Philly, Pa. and Queen Mary in Long Beach Ca.
  22. SatansCheerledr

    SatansCheerledr Ideologically Unsound Donator

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    I love a good Old Fashion but I would never order one at a bar because I know they would not make it right. It's that little touch of raw egg white you shake the fuck out of till it emulsifies and gives you that foam on the top that makes it sublime. A lost art in the modern age.
    Arch Stanton likes this.
  23. NuttyJim

    NuttyJim Well-Known Member Donator

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    Dickhead drinks:

    Basically anything that you need Red Bull to mix it.
    BIV, Stormrider666 and Arch Stanton like this.
  24. Gorilla Pimp

    Gorilla Pimp Popped a molly i'm sweatin, WOO

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    The writer of this article is a douchebag.
    Arch Stanton likes this.
  25. Hudson

    Hudson Supreme Champion!!!!! Donator

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    Neckbeard likes this.

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