Al Sharpton says he wants to be buried in a porch shaped coffin

Sinn Fein

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#1
Al Sharpton says he wants to be buried in a porch shaped coffin

New York, NY - Rev. Al Sharpton, professional who-knows-what, stated to members of the press today that his final resting place will be a wooden coffin shaped like an old fashioned house porch.

His face softened as he recalled the days of his youth and the time he spent with his 17 brothers and sisters, "Yes, it sure will bring back old memories of when I was a younger man and had nothing else to do but sit on that porch!"

Al Sharpton, long lost relative of Strom Thurmond, a racist white US Senator, grew up on a South Carolina cotton plantation where he and his siblings were made to work 23 hours a day picking cotton, often at night by the light of a flashlight. He recalled, "Yes sir! We done worked those fields everyday seven days a week for $1.78 a day! Now, that was a lot of money in those days. But I saved it all and got me an education!"

Rev.Sharpton, a two-time Presidential candidate, race baiter, crook, and sometimes leader of a mysterious church that has no members, agreed that his time wasn't quite up yet, but wanted everyone to know that his final wishes were his alone.

Activist, and porch monkey Al Sharpton telling reporters about his final resting place....A porch shaped coffin!



Pssst... This is a gag, kinda like The Onion.
 

caniseeyourtaint

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#2
"Yes, it sure will bring back old memories of when I was a younger man and had nothing else to do but sit on that porch!"
Memories.....after hes dead....why is he a leader of an entire race again?
 

dodisman

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#4
somebody photochop this visual please
 

TheDrip

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#5
Al Sharpton, long lost relative of Strom Thurmond, a racist white US Senator, grew up on a South Carolina cotton plantation where he and his siblings were made to work 23 hours a day picking cotton, often at night by the light of a flashlight. He recalled, "Yes sir! We done worked those fields everyday seven days a week for $1.78 a day! Now, that was a lot of money in those days. But I saved it all and got me an education!"
Um, granted I'm on the West Coast so my New York geographical knowledge is lacking , but where were those Brooklyn cotton fields at?

Pssst... This is a gag, kinda like The Onion.
Goddammit! I missed that line at the first read.
 

Sprite

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#7
The only thing that would make this story better, besides it being true, is if he requested chicken grease be injected into his body instead of embalming fluid.
 
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