Here's the deal. I'm a smoker, and I'm sick of my fingers being brown. I decided to fix the problem recently. I tried finger cots. Then gloves. Then both at the same time. Didn't work, apparently they're waterproof but not gasproof. Makes sense if you think about it- skin needs to breathe, at least a little. I tried all kinds of other shit, didn't work. Then it just occurred to me that I could keep the cigarette out of my hand whenever I'm not using it. I know, simple, right? It worked like a motherfucking charm. My nicotine stains disappeared in just a couple of days. So here I am with this system I need to use. But I have a lot of commute time. And the ashtray built into my car is not helping. It's way too deep. Cigarettes fall into it all the time, and I'm not about to dig them out. It sucks. But I thought of a solution. Sand. Put sand in the ashtray so that the cigarettes won't fall into them. I'm at home depot, buying ... you guessed it ... sand. I don't know wtf they'll charge me for it. It's 2012 and it's America, they might charge $40 for a bag of stupid sand for all I know. They direct me abouts to where the sand is. Home Depot is a huge store. I get to the sand isle, look around quickly, and deduce that the cheapest bag I can see is about 13 dollars. I hike it up on my shoulder and head for the register. It's got a slice in it, but I don't know it. It's sanding all over my hoodie. The cashier sees my pathetic state and decides to have mercy on me and help me, out of the goodness of her Puerto Rican heart. She asks what I want and what I want it for. I actually tell her, about the fingers and the car ashtray and the nicotine stains. She warns me that the type of SAND I'M BUYING IS FLAMMABLE. I'M REPEATING THAT. IN CAPS. BECAUSE HOLY FUCKING SHIT. SAND CAN BE FLAMMABLE. FUCK YOU IF YOU KNEW THIS AND WANT TO LAUGH IT OFF. FUCK YOU AND YOUR UGLY CUNT OF A MOTHER AND CHILDREN. Neesless to say this puerto rican broad (btw it's a weird thing differentiating mexican from puerto rican here. but it happens a lot)- being a moral human being, steered me away from the flammable fucking sand. And I bought the regular sand for four bucks.