Canada Tightens Border over fear of illegal Americans

Psychopath

I want to fuck your girlfriend.
Dec 28, 2008
19,156
3,685
393
Constant sate of misery
#1
http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2012/10/canada-tightens-border.html
October 9, 2012
Canada Tightens Border

Posted by Andy Borowitz

OTTAWA (The Borowitz Report)—Canada announced today that it was tightening security along its border with the United States amid concerns that there could be a mass migration of illegal Americans after Tuesday, November 6th.
According to Randolph McTavish, Deputy Commissioner of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, border patrols are on alert due to an “increase in chatter” indicating that a threat to Canada’s border might be imminent.
“We’ve been intercepting troubling comments from some very freaked-out people,” he said. “Most of it has been on NPR call-in shows.”
Stating that the R.C.M.P. is patrolling every kilometre of the Canadian border, he issued this warning to Americans who might try to cross into Canada illegally: “If you drive a Prius, you will be stopped.”
He also warned Americans against trying to slip across the border in the hopes of passing as Canadians: “It is very difficult, if not impossible, to pretend to like hockey.”
Mr. McTavish said that he was sympathetic with those who might flee across the border in search of a new life and socialized medicine, but added, “At the end of the day, forty-seven per cent of Americans is more than Canada can handle.”
I really can't stand the people who threaten to do this. Fucking scum.
 

KRSOne

Registered User
Dec 8, 2011
13,127
3,031
258
Sunnydale
#2
I thought Canadians were so loving and liberal and so much better than dirty hateful Americans.
 

mr. sin

Registered User
Mar 30, 2005
28,149
14,371
643
RALEIGH, NC
#6
sorry i will not be stepping foot into that country unless i was on vacation! fuck them!
 

MagicBob

Registered User
Dec 2, 2010
2,171
15
88
#7
cant figure out who got hooked harder by the story.... psycho, mr. sin or KRSone.
 

whiskeyguy

PR representative for Drunk Whiskeyguy.
Donator
Jan 12, 2010
36,555
22,220
398
Northern California
#8
After reading the thread title the first thing I thought was "The Onion?"
 

OccupyWackbag

Registered User
Dec 12, 2011
3,416
188
98
#10
What a bunch of dopes in Canada. Every election people go one about how if so and so gets elected I'm leaving the country. And every election they just go on living their lives.

Oh literal, late to the party Canada.
 
#11
I thought Canadians were so loving and liberal and so much better than dirty hateful Americans.
You know this is satire right? Borowitz Report. Think about it.
By the way, I cross that border into Canada at least 3 times a month for work. A Canadian border guard was shot last night by an American at the crossing I use. So they would have reason to tighten up.
 
Last edited:

Yesterdays Hero

She's better than you, Smirkalicious.
Jan 25, 2007
16,620
3,999
571
Canada. Land of the Fat.
#12
Meh. I'm not a hockey fan. Not really a fan of much, come to think of it.

I do enjoy the ire raised by other members when anything 'Canada' is brought up though.
 
Nov 29, 2006
3,452
374
523
FL
#15
Take off to the Great White North. It's a beauty way to go.
 

mascan42

Registered User
Aug 26, 2002
19,039
5,840
848
Ronkonkoma, Long Island
#17
Um . . . seriously?
Stating that the R.C.M.P. is patrolling every kilometre of the Canadian border, he issued this warning to Americans who might try to cross into Canada illegally: “If you drive a Prius, you will be stopped.”
Come on, guys . . .
He also warned Americans against trying to slip across the border in the hopes of passing as Canadians: “It is very difficult, if not impossible, to pretend to like hockey.”
Anybody getting it yet?
 
Nov 29, 2006
3,452
374
523
FL
#19
They're not even a real country anyway. With all that hockey hullabaloo and that bitch Anne Murray too.