Canadian Man Sorry for Chugging Eight Beers and Swimming to Detroit

Party Rooster

Unleash The Beast
Apr 27, 2005
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#1
Canadian Man Sorry for Chugging Eight Beers and Swimming to Detroit



John Morillo, a 47-year-old Canadian man, apologized today for causing an international incident last night when he drank eight beers and then swam across the Detroit River, just to prove to his friends he could.

Speaking to the Windsor Star after being released from jail this morning, Morillo said in retrospect it was "really stupid" of him to drunkenly swim across the river, but not without adding that he wanted his incredulous buddies to know he'd pulled it off (emphasis ours):

If I’m going to be in the paper, I’d at least like them to say I actually made it, even though I got in trouble and everything. I gotta pay fines and stuff. But I don’t want it to sound like I didn’t make it, because then my buddies are going to say 'ha, ha, you didn’t make it.' Because that was the whole thing, to show them I could do it.

Morillo's stunt launched a joint search mission between the Canadian and U.S. coast guards when his neighbor called the police after losing sight of him in the water. Rescue efforts included three boats and a helicopter. Morillo, who calls himself a "strong swimmer," had made it across the river and was on his way back when the U.S. Coast Guard found him floating on the Canadian side at around 1 AM, two hours after he'd initially entered the water.

Windsor authorities have banned Morillo from all waterfront city property and will fine him $5,000 for swimming in a shipping channel. Exacerbating everything, Morillo, who was ultimately charged with being intoxicated in public, says his mom is very mad at him. "She just hung up on me," Morillo told the Star. "She said 'you’re just so stupid.'"

http://gawker.com/canadian-man-sorry-for-chugging-eight-beers-and-swimmin-888283225
 

HandPanzer

O Tempora O Mores!
May 30, 2013
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#2
8 beers and he's swimming to Detroit!? Canadian beer must be insanely strong or he's a fucking lightweight.
 

the Streif

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Aug 25, 2002
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#4
Wait, he swam to Detroit?
Who the fuck swims to Detroit?
That's fucking insane!
That's how whitey escapes from Detroit, because, well, we all know why..........
 

Mags

LDAR, bitch.
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Oct 22, 2004
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#5
We really need a fence to keep these dirty wetbacks out of our country.
 

Norm Stansfield

私は亀が好きだ。
Mar 17, 2009
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#6
Feat of strength? It's a river, not the fucking Atlantic. How hard could it be to swim across it?
 

BIV

I'm Biv Dick Black, the Over Poster.
Apr 22, 2002
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#7
"Here, hold my beer, eh."
 

Cunt Smasher

Caligula Jr.
Aug 26, 2005
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#8
When I read the headline I tried to imagine what a river bordering Detroit would look like, and why in doGs name anybody would want to swim in it.
 

BIV

I'm Biv Dick Black, the Over Poster.
Apr 22, 2002
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#9
When I read the headline I tried to imagine what a river bordering Detroit would look like, and why in doGs name anybody would want to swim in it.
 

Creasy Bear

gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh
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#10
The canucks should see this story and just be glad that the negro isn't a strong swimmer.
 

Yesterdays Hero

She's better than you, Smirkalicious.
Jan 25, 2007
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#13
The canucks should see this story and just be glad that the negro isn't a strong swimmer.
There was a darkie in my kids Pre-School class. Every Monday/Wednesday was pool day. Fucker was petrified of the water. Screamed blue murder each time.

Wish the 8-beer tard sank. Who's 'Sorry' for things?
 

Creasy Bear

gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh
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#15
There was a darkie in my kids Pre-School class. Every Monday/Wednesday was pool day. Fucker was petrified of the water. Screamed blue murder each time.

Wish the 8-beer tard sank. Who's 'Sorry' for things?
Memory gland oozing...

Back when I was in Navy bootcamp... you had to be able to get from one side of the pool to the other as a requirement for graduation. Not "swim"... just "get". You could like crawl on the bottom if you wanted to, but you had to somehow make it to the other side.

Every white guy just jumped right in and paddled merrily across the pool... while all but like two of the black guys hit the water and panicked and flailed around like drowning cats, or just sunk like stones to the bottom.

My boot camp company commander saw me pass the swimming test they gave for the Navy Diver/SEAL qualification, and that was it... he made me the official company swimming instructor for all the black guys in the company. Holy crap... that was a mission impossible. I learned real quick to stay well out of arm's reach of any black guy who was trying to swim. The first thing they did when they panicked was grab the nearest white guy in a death grip.

The best I could do with most of them was teach them how to bounce off the bottom until they made it to the other side. They all made it eventually, but damn it was an ordeal getting them there.
 

LiddyRules

I'm Gonna Be The Bestest Pilot In The Whole Galaxy
Jun 1, 2005
142,465
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#16
Memory gland oozing...

Back when I was in Navy bootcamp... you had to be able to get from one side of the pool to the other as a requirement for graduation. Not "swim"... just "get". You could like crawl on the bottom if you wanted to, but you had to somehow make it to the other side.

Every white guy just jumped right in and paddled merrily across the pool... while all but like two of the black guys hit the water and panicked and flailed around like drowning cats, or just sunk like stones to the bottom.

My boot camp company commander saw me pass the swimming test they gave for the Navy Diver/SEAL qualification, and that was it... he made me the official company swimming instructor for all the black guys in the company. Holy crap... that was a mission impossible. I learned real quick to stay well out of arm's reach of any black guy who was trying to swim. The first thing they did when they panicked was grab the nearest white guy in a death grip.

The best I could do with most of them was teach them how to bounce off the bottom until they made it to the other side. They all made it eventually, but damn it was an ordeal getting them there.
 

Lord Zero

Viciously Silly
Aug 25, 2008
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#17
his mom is very mad at him. "She just hung up on me," Morillo told the Star. "She said 'you’re just so stupid.'"
That's a good mother.
Holy fuck. I can't stand when they put the credit over wrong picture. How fucking hard can it be to fix that? I know it's not an actual mistake, but it's still retarded.
 

Cunt Smasher

Caligula Jr.
Aug 26, 2005
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#18
Memory gland oozing...

Back when I was in Navy bootcamp... you had to be able to get from one side of the pool to the other as a requirement for graduation. Not "swim"... just "get". You could like crawl on the bottom if you wanted to, but you had to somehow make it to the other side.
We had to learn to use our pants as a flotation device.