Chuck Norris wants evangelical Christians to get out and vote

Falldog

Wackbag's Best Conservative
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May 16, 2007
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#1
[video=youtube;WFLNmThRMNQ]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFLNmThRMNQ[/video]
 

Lord Zero

Viciously Silly
Aug 25, 2008
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#2
I find it hysterical how much of a douche he is in real life, especially when compared to the jokes.
 

LiddyRules

I'm Gonna Be The Bestest Pilot In The Whole Galaxy
Jun 1, 2005
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#3
Only 1000 years of darkness? Compared to a lot of the posters here, that makes him a dirty liberal.
 

Owenay

Those who fail to learn from history are doomed...
May 10, 2007
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#4
I think we should start a thread every time a celebrity makes a political statement. Or better yet how about a 'What Celebrities Are Saying Today' megathread?

I hear Nicki Minaj said something in support of Mitt Romney and has received death threats as a result.

Zachary Quinto thinks HBO's 'Newsroom' is an accurate depiction of how conservatives think.

Jason Biggs tweeted about Janna Ryan and Ann Romney's anuses and his wife tweeted about all the 8th grade pussy they'd get as a result of Biggs winning a teen choice award. Then Nickelodeon posted a link to his Twitter page. Roseanne Barr said most billionaires are pedophiles and consumers of violent pedo porn.
 

fletcher

Darkness always says hello.
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#5
Im sick of both Chuck Norris and the stupid Chuck Norris jokes. There is a new advert referencing the joke that makes me want to hurl my remote through the TV screen.
 

lajikal

Registered User
Aug 6, 2009
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#6
I find it hysterical how much of a douche he is in real life, especially when compared to the jokes.
Never laughed at one chuck norris joke, i would just stare blankly whenever someone would tell one.
 

Lord Zero

Viciously Silly
Aug 25, 2008
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#7
Im sick of both Chuck Norris and the stupid Chuck Norris jokes. There is a new advert referencing the joke that makes me want to hurl my remote through the TV screen.
I never understood how Chuck got famous in the first place. It's kind of hard to act badass when you're wearing mom jeans.

Here's a portion of ol' Chuck's entry at #1 on Cracked's "5 Movie Martial Artists That Lost a Deathmatch to Dignity" list.

http://www.cracked.com/article_15819_5-movie-martial-artists-that-lost-deathmatch-to-dignity_p5.html

Cracked.com said:
The Sad Decline:



After a decade or so of kicking the world's eyeballs in the nuts, anybody is bound to develop an ego. Chuck Norris decided that wasn't enough, and outdid everybody by cultivating arrogance so magnificent it wears a tiny cape and crown of its own.

In his later movies, the fight scenes don't even bother building suspense by letting the bad guys touch Chuck. He holds a foot out, the camera settles itself behind it, and you sit back and watch as a disembodied boot mows down wave after wave of anonymous terrorist. Some actors phone it in when they're not into a movie; Chuck Norris didn't even send a fax. Eventually he decided he may as well write the parts himself, and proceeded to create Walker, Texas Ranger. A show he at various points wrote, produced, directed, starred in and even sang the theme song for. It depicts him as everything from a cop to the messiah.

Chuck Norris focused his steely glare entirely on Walker, Texas Ranger to the exclusion of all other projects. The show rapidly devolved into a masturbatory tribute to Chuck Norris by Chuck Norris, spouting scene after scene of hero worship so out of touch with reality it became the most unintentionally hilarious show on television.

Most Pathetic Moment Caught on Film:

[video=youtube;z2XUgE6g7XU]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2XUgE6g7XU[/video]

In this clip from one of the later seasons of Walker, Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris wrestles a bear and wins. He not only wins, he wins by stare down. The background flutes imply that his stare possesses Native American magic. Honestly, though, no one clip can do the fantastic, science-fiction scale arrogance of Chuck Norris justice. So how about this one where he shoots down an attack helicopter with the bazooka he keeps in the gun-rack on his pickup truck. Or this one, where he wins a French rodeo just to show them how we roll here in America land. Or, if you prefer, the simple elegance of this one, where he just flies away on his jet pack.
 

Creasy Bear

gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh
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#8
Walker, Texas Ranger is one of the greatest unintentional comedies of all times. I stumbled upon an all-night marathon some crappy network was running one night when I was half in the bag and I was absolutely riveted. I couldn't take my eyes off it. It is Chuck Norris' unwitting self-parody of his own delusional ego. It is the nuclear option of a backfiring ego stroking gone Hiroshima.

It is the best worst thing you will ever see.
 

Norm Stansfield

私は亀が好きだ。
Mar 17, 2009
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#9
Conan's Walker:Texas Ranger bit was kinda funny. Does that count as a Chuck Norris joke?
 

LiddyRules

I'm Gonna Be The Bestest Pilot In The Whole Galaxy
Jun 1, 2005
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#10
Conan's Walker:Texas Ranger bit was kinda funny. Does that count as a Chuck Norris joke?
That was a Walker Texas Ranger joke, not a Chuck Norris joke.
 

Falldog

Wackbag's Best Conservative
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#11
Walker, Texas Ranger is one of the greatest unintentional comedies of all times. I stumbled upon an all-night marathon some crappy network was running one night when I was half in the bag and I was absolutely riveted. I couldn't take my eyes off it. It is Chuck Norris' unwitting self-parody of his own delusional ego. It is the nuclear option of a backfiring ego stroking gone Hiroshima.

It is the best worst thing you will ever see.
It makes CSI seem logical and well thought out.
 

whiskeyguy

PR representative for Drunk Whiskeyguy.
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Jan 12, 2010
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#12
Walker, Texas Ranger is one of the greatest unintentional comedies of all times. I stumbled upon an all-night marathon some crappy network was running one night when I was half in the bag and I was absolutely riveted. I couldn't take my eyes off it. It is Chuck Norris' unwitting self-parody of his own delusional ego. It is the nuclear option of a backfiring ego stroking gone Hiroshima.

It is the best worst thing you will ever see.
Yup. I actually enjoyed Walker when it was on Saturday nights, but I was like 10 years old. As an adult it's great in different ways.
 

Myhairygrundle

Screw you guys, I'm going home.
Jul 16, 2005
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#13
A great ska band from the 90s in Austin.


[YT]0MIO2W10ma4[/YT]
 

Psychopath

I want to fuck your girlfriend.
Dec 28, 2008
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#14

d0uche_n0zzle

**Negative_Creep**
Sep 15, 2004
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#16
How much pedo pr0n will they find in Chucks storage locker? "whaa"
 

KRSOne

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#19
Chuck should know that Romney isn't any better.
 

KRSOne

Registered User
Dec 8, 2011
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#20
I think we should start a thread every time a celebrity makes a political statement. Or better yet how about a 'What Celebrities Are Saying Today' megathread?

I hear Nicki Minaj said something in support of Mitt Romney and has received death threats as a result.

Zachary Quinto thinks HBO's 'Newsroom' is an accurate depiction of how conservatives think.

Jason Biggs tweeted about Janna Ryan and Ann Romney's anuses and his wife tweeted about all the 8th grade pussy they'd get as a result of Biggs winning a teen choice award. Then Nickelodeon posted a link to his Twitter page. Roseanne Barr said most billionaires are pedophiles and consumers of violent pedo porn.
Good idea, bro.

Gwen Stefani
The No Doubt singer and L.A.M.B. designer hosted the First Lady at her Los Angeles home in August. That event was attended by Nicole Ritchie, Joel Madden, Jeffrey Tambor, Alyson Hannigan and No Doubt member Tony Kanal. Tickets were $2,500 for a family of four, and about 400 people were said to attend.
George Clooney
The charming actor is undoubtedly the campaign's brightest star. Aside from hosting a dinner which ended up bringing $15 million into the campaign's coffers (through the sale of $40,000 tickets and a contest through which fans could enter to attend by donating $3), he has dialed up over $500,000 in Geneva as well. The latter fundraiser featured contributors shelling out $15,000 each for dinner and another $5,000 for a photo with Clooney. The President has said the actor is a true and brilliant friend. He forgot to mention "highly lucrative."
Ben Affleck & Matt Damon
... and John Krasinski, Jennifer Garner, Reese Witherspoon, Zach Braff and Tobey Maguire.

Though that list of names reads more like a red carpet tip sheet than a fundraiser guest list, all of the above celebrities lined up and brought out their check books for Elizabeth Warren. The consumer advocate, law professor and creator of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau got a big boost from the stars, who supported her bid to reclaim Ted Kennedy's Senate seat for the Democrats, from Scott Brown and the Republicans. A May event at "Lost" creator J.J. Abram's house was said to net over $250,000 for Warren's campaign. Harvey Weinstein, Jeffrey Katzenberg and Steven Spielberg were said to have sent checks.
Clint Eastwood


It's a bit lonelier on the other side, but Clint Eastwood made Romney proud by endorsing the former governor's fiscal policy -- and handsome mug. At a fundraiser in early August, Eastwood announced he would vote for Romney, the type of candidate the actor said America needed "now more than ever." (Romney's reaction: "What a guy.") That puts Eastwood in the company of Kid Rock, Jon Voight and Kelsey Grammer.
Ryan Murphy

The "Glee" creator was one of many Hollywood figures who brought out their checkbooks in the wake of Obama's support of same-sex marriage. Julia Roberts, Jane Lynch and Reese Witherspoon were among those who took part in a fundraiser hosted at Murphy's home. About 70 people were said to attend, with tickets going for $40,000 per couple. If we assume most came as couples, a cool $1.4 million or more could have been raised.
Anne Hathaway
The "Dark Knight Rises" actress has been spotted at Occupy Wall St. protests, so it's not shocking that she would lean a little to the left. She attended a fundraiser at Harvey Weinstein's house, where the president described her as "the best part" of the Batman movie. ("Newsroom" and "West Wing" scribe Aaron Sorkin also got a plug: "He writes the way every Democrat in Washington wished they spoke.") The dinner, which cost $35,000 per person, was attended by Anna Wintour and Jerry Springer as well.
Mariah Carey
The singer is currently working on a bit of a comeback, but a June fundraiser featuring a performance by Carey was solid enough to bank $2.5 million for the president. Mr. and Mrs. Obama were in attendance, and the event took place the same day as Jessica Parker's. Efficiency is always the aim, it seems.
Barry Meyer
Warner Bros.' CEO (pictured here with Sen. Patrick Leahy and Clint Eastwood) presided over an event at his home, welcoming the FLOTUS into an eager crowd that included WB TV President Peter Roth, Netflix executive Ted Srandos, HBO Vice-President James Costos, DreamWorks Animations COO Anne Globe. Chelsea Handler also attended. Tickets were $2,500 and a photo with Michelle Obama cost an additional $2,500.
How can Obama win when hes such a under dog with the fund raising...

Harvey Weinstein
Back in May, Weinstein's overall contribution to Super PACs pointing Obama's way was already valued at nearly $700,000. Since then, he's hosted a fundraiser at his home and referenced the president favorably in countless interviews. In Hollywood, it's good to have Hollywood on your side. Perhaps the same goes for Washington?
Sarah Jessica Parker
The "Sex and the City" star hosted the president and first lady at the home she shares with husband Matthew Broderick. There were about 50 who attended the highly exclusive event, and guests like Anna Wintour, Meryl Streep, Michael Kors and Aretha Franklin eagerly doled out the $40,000 ticket fee for the chance to mingle with the Commander in Chief. The dinner was said to have raked in $2 million for the campaign.
Spike Lee
The "Red Hook Summer" director hosted the POTUS, who received not only $1.6 million (according to Lee), but also a pair of custom Nikes. Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon were among those who attended. Lee continues to speak favorably of Obama in interviews.
Lady Gaga
Gaga may be busy touring and recording (naked), but the "Born This Way" pop star found time for a fundraiser in Silicon Valley. As always, the singer dressed eccentrically, wearing a floor-length lace dress which she paired with a giant hair-do and a veil hair piece. Gaga had said she wanted to meet with Obama to discuss bullying
The Cast & Creator of 'The Wire'
Obama has shouted out David Simon's "The Wire" as his favorite show, so it's no wonder the cast of the program returned the favor in August. Multiple former cast members spoke at an event in Martha's Vineyard, just a day after Simon ripped into Mitt Romney on his blog. Simon rejected Romney's attempt to calm a growing controversy surrounding his tax returns by assuring reporters that he had never paid below 13 percent, a number Simon found "absurd."