Cop Stories

sniper2323

The true north Idaho P.O.W.
Aug 3, 2006
809
52
388
Far North Idaho is Home
#1
We have a few Law Enforcement officers on the board. This topic isn't for certain types to try to armchair quarterback what happened (cough cough, Zona, Kirk, etc). Just if you have a funny or interesting contact, this might be a place to post it.

I'll post the first story. I was working graveyard on a nuke base about 3am. I had more then a few reports to write that night, so I drove out next to the fence, way away from anything, no houses, roads, etc. I am busy writing reports in my patrol car, and I hear the chain link fence rattle and look up from my report, and looked out the side window and see a Hispanic Male climbing over the fence. I honestly couldn't believe my eyes, I'm parked right next to a sign that states lethal force is authorized, blah blah blah. My light in the car is on and I wasn't paying attention, (I know rookie move). So this fine individual who hits the fence is up to the top in no time and does this wonderful Olympic leap over the top. I would have given him a 7 but down graded him due to his landing... On the hood of my car, on his back, and now cracked windshield do to his head placement. I'm shocked and now pissed as I now have a couple more reports to write. I get out of the car and ask WTF are you doing? He replied, "Where the F&($ did you come from"? Long story, short, He claimed he heard about a BIG party and headed that way. He was an illegal, and he claimed he was a foreign national and wanted asylum, due to the fact he was looking for a good party and Mexico doesn't have good parties.

I had a hard time writing that report.
 

Psychopath

Plata O Plomo
Dec 28, 2008
17,715
3,352
393
hell
#2
Sweet. I can't wait to here more stuff.
 

THE FEZ MAN

as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
Aug 23, 2002
42,145
9,437
768
#3
my buddy blew someones brains out 4th of july
 

Motor Head

HIGHWAY TRASH REMOVAL
Jan 23, 2006
10,385
419
243
Land of hicks and rubes.
#4
I was called out to a pursuit that was being led by a local department that was trying to get a robbery suspect stopped. I intercepted the group and took the third position behind the perps car. I had heard cross chatter that the perp had brandished a pistol out the window of the car and had fired in the air. So I'm rolling with roof lit up and the siren blaring. Obviously it's tense because were not chasing some dip shit with an expired license. The lead car is another trooper, who has taken over calling the pursuit, a local pd car is sandwiched between us and two other locals are behind me with county up a couple miles ahead with stop sticks.

The car directly in front of me is a 'baker' car, meaning that it is a two man car. It turns out it's an FTO (Field Training Officer) and a probationary officer only a couple weeks out of the academy. Well the rookie, obviously excited takes the shotgun out of the holder and gets ready for what could be gunfire exchange. Now I had no idea what was going on in the car in front of me, but about 4-5 miles after I joined the pursuit I see a flash in the car in front of me and my car is showered with debris. I ducked down thinking that the perp had a fucking cannon for a gun and had opened fire on us.
I'm still crouched down and realize that the lightbar on the car in front of me is half gone. Now I'm really going holy fuck and call out to them to see if they are okay, because they are slowing down and drifting towards the shoulder. I hear the mic open up and heard the following:

"You stupid motherfucker, I will never be able to hear with this ear again, you stupid fuck!!!!!"

What had happened was an epic fail. The FTO told the rookie to put the shotgun back in the holder for whatever reason. Well the rookie started fucking around with the shotgun trying to put it back in the mount and his thumb caught the trigger. The exploding light bar was from the shotgun blowing a hole through the roof and blowing up half the light bar.

We caught the perp after taking out his tires and doing a pit. I went back to the baker car and laughed my ass off while they were sitting there with a very upset shift commander, that was screaming at the rookie and then turning to us and winking and laughing. The rookie managed to keep his job, but had to be reassigned to a new FTO. I see him almost every night when I drift up to the northern part of my patrol area. Everyone calls him "sunroof".
 

Poison The Well

Somebody poisoned the water-hole!
Jan 7, 2008
1,683
113
243
Texas
#5
I was called out to a pursuit that was being led by a local department that was trying to get a robbery suspect stopped. I intercepted the group and took the third position behind the perps car. I had heard cross chatter that the perp had brandished a pistol out the window of the car and had fired in the air. So I'm rolling with roof lit up and the siren blaring. Obviously it's tense because were not chasing some dip shit with an expired license. The lead car is another trooper, who has taken over calling the pursuit, a local pd car is sandwiched between us and two other locals are behind me with county up a couple miles ahead with stop sticks.

The car directly in front of me is a 'baker' car, meaning that it is a two man car. It turns out it's an FTO (Field Training Officer) and a probationary officer only a couple weeks out of the academy. Well the rookie, obviously excited takes the shotgun out of the holder and gets ready for what could be gunfire exchange. Now I had no idea what was going on in the car in front of me, but about 4-5 miles after I joined the pursuit I see a flash in the car in front of me and my car is showered with debris. I ducked down thinking that the perp had a fucking cannon for a gun and had opened fire on us.
I'm still crouched down and realize that the lightbar on the car in front of me is half gone. Now I'm really going holy fuck and call out to them to see if they are okay, because they are slowing down and drifting towards the shoulder. I hear the mic open up and heard the following:

"You stupid motherfucker, I will never be able to hear with this ear again, you stupid fuck!!!!!"

What had happened was an epic fail. The FTO told the rookie to put the shotgun back in the holder for whatever reason. Well the rookie started fucking around with the shotgun trying to put it back in the mount and his thumb caught the trigger. The exploding light bar was from the shotgun blowing a hole through the roof and blowing up half the light bar.

We caught the perp after taking out his tires and doing a pit. I went back to the baker car and laughed my ass off while they were sitting there with a very upset shift commander, that was screaming at the rookie and then turning to us and winking and laughing. The rookie managed to keep his job, but had to be reassigned to a new FTO. I see him almost every night when I drift up to the northern part of my patrol area. Everyone calls him "sunroof".
This thread fucking rules.
 

doomvulture

Lord of Jailbait
May 12, 2009
1,221
596
388
Maine
#7
i was called out to a pursuit that was being led by a local department that was trying to get a robbery suspect stopped. I intercepted the group and took the third position behind the perps car. I had heard cross chatter that the perp had brandished a pistol out the window of the car and had fired in the air. So i'm rolling with roof lit up and the siren blaring. Obviously it's tense because were not chasing some dip shit with an expired license. The lead car is another trooper, who has taken over calling the pursuit, a local pd car is sandwiched between us and two other locals are behind me with county up a couple miles ahead with stop sticks.

The car directly in front of me is a 'baker' car, meaning that it is a two man car. It turns out it's an fto (field training officer) and a probationary officer only a couple weeks out of the academy. Well the rookie, obviously excited takes the shotgun out of the holder and gets ready for what could be gunfire exchange. Now i had no idea what was going on in the car in front of me, but about 4-5 miles after i joined the pursuit i see a flash in the car in front of me and my car is showered with debris. I ducked down thinking that the perp had a fucking cannon for a gun and had opened fire on us.
I'm still crouched down and realize that the lightbar on the car in front of me is half gone. Now i'm really going holy fuck and call out to them to see if they are okay, because they are slowing down and drifting towards the shoulder. I hear the mic open up and heard the following:

"you stupid motherfucker, i will never be able to hear with this ear again, you stupid fuck!!!!!"

what had happened was an epic fail. The fto told the rookie to put the shotgun back in the holder for whatever reason. Well the rookie started fucking around with the shotgun trying to put it back in the mount and his thumb caught the trigger. The exploding light bar was from the shotgun blowing a hole through the roof and blowing up half the light bar.

We caught the perp after taking out his tires and doing a pit. I went back to the baker car and laughed my ass off while they were sitting there with a very upset shift commander, that was screaming at the rookie and then turning to us and winking and laughing. The rookie managed to keep his job, but had to be reassigned to a new fto. I see him almost every night when i drift up to the northern part of my patrol area. Everyone calls him "sunroof".
moar!
 

WhiteHonkyDevil

El hombre de los moleculos!
Dec 8, 2004
10,928
959
628
Detroit, MI
#8
I met a "constable" while working as a PI a long time ago. Didn't realize those fuckers were still in existence. A supervisor and I were sitting in a driveway of a house that we had been given permission to use (just the driveway) by the homeowner. Constable man drove by a couple times and demanded to know what we were doing. When we told him surveillance, he pretended to understand the word and left.

25 minutes later a Monroe County sheriff showed up, with the constable on his heels. The constable, probably a relic from when constables were a regular occuring thing in the area, was yapping away about how we shouldn't be there and yelling and screaming for us to leave.

The sheriff sent him away and told us not to bother giving a shit what the old hillbilly had to say. Everything was great....right up until the sheriff asked who we were watching. We had always been told by management that we were never to answer the question, and the police shouldn't even be asking it. Usually, that was case. This 5'4" fucker had a full-on hissy fit, that literally involved him turning red and stomping his feet before leaving and screaming that if he saw us "in town", he'd find a way to arrest us.

So, we never went to town.

I dealt with police every day for 5 years doing that job, and I only ever had problems in small towns. Usually the police were really cool, and would actually help out from time to time. Something about the little podunk backwoods hucklefuck towns....we always had the worst time.

Well, until I met Detroit Vice.....

I still love cops, though.
 
Jun 2, 2005
15,516
4
0
Dallas
#9
I met a "constable" while working as a PI a long time ago. Didn't realize those fuckers were still in existence. A supervisor and I were sitting in a driveway of a house that we had been given permission to use (just the driveway) by the homeowner. Constable man drove by a couple times and demanded to know what we were doing. When we told him surveillance, he pretended to understand the word and left.

25 minutes later a Monroe County sheriff showed up, with the constable on his heels. The constable, probably a relic from when constables were a regular occuring thing in the area, was yapping away about how we shouldn't be there and yelling and screaming for us to leave.

The sheriff sent him away and told us not to bother giving a shit what the old hillbilly had to say. Everything was great....right up until the sheriff asked who we were watching. We had always been told by management that we were never to answer the question, and the police shouldn't even be asking it. Usually, that was case. This 5'4" fucker had a full-on hissy fit, that literally involved him turning red and stomping his feet before leaving and screaming that if he saw us "in town", he'd find a way to arrest us.

So, we never went to town.

I dealt with police every day for 5 years doing that job, and I only ever had problems in small towns. Usually the police were really cool, and would actually help out from time to time. Something about the little podunk backwoods hucklefuck towns....we always had the worst time.

Well, until I met Detroit Vice.....
That's the type of story I was expecting!

I still love cops, though.
Until that...
 

Hate & Discontent

Yo, homie. Is that my briefcase?
Aug 22, 2005
15,777
1,343
628
#11
I was called out to a pursuit that was being led by a local department that was trying to get a robbery suspect stopped. I intercepted the group and took the third position behind the perps car. I had heard cross chatter that the perp had brandished a pistol out the window of the car and had fired in the air. So I'm rolling with roof lit up and the siren blaring. Obviously it's tense because were not chasing some dip shit with an expired license. The lead car is another trooper, who has taken over calling the pursuit, a local pd car is sandwiched between us and two other locals are behind me with county up a couple miles ahead with stop sticks.

The car directly in front of me is a 'baker' car, meaning that it is a two man car. It turns out it's an FTO (Field Training Officer) and a probationary officer only a couple weeks out of the academy. Well the rookie, obviously excited takes the shotgun out of the holder and gets ready for what could be gunfire exchange. Now I had no idea what was going on in the car in front of me, but about 4-5 miles after I joined the pursuit I see a flash in the car in front of me and my car is showered with debris. I ducked down thinking that the perp had a fucking cannon for a gun and had opened fire on us.
I'm still crouched down and realize that the lightbar on the car in front of me is half gone. Now I'm really going holy fuck and call out to them to see if they are okay, because they are slowing down and drifting towards the shoulder. I hear the mic open up and heard the following:

"You stupid motherfucker, I will never be able to hear with this ear again, you stupid fuck!!!!!"

What had happened was an epic fail. The FTO told the rookie to put the shotgun back in the holder for whatever reason. Well the rookie started fucking around with the shotgun trying to put it back in the mount and his thumb caught the trigger. The exploding light bar was from the shotgun blowing a hole through the roof and blowing up half the light bar.

We caught the perp after taking out his tires and doing a pit. I went back to the baker car and laughed my ass off while they were sitting there with a very upset shift commander, that was screaming at the rookie and then turning to us and winking and laughing. The rookie managed to keep his job, but had to be reassigned to a new FTO. I see him almost every night when I drift up to the northern part of my patrol area. Everyone calls him "sunroof".

That's fucking hysterical.

My neighbor growing up was a detective with the local SD, and had some truly hilarious fuckup stories on fellow cops. Unfortunately, I don't remember any of them well enough to share them here.
 

kidconnor

55gallon hog
Mar 16, 2005
5,351
1,136
678
brooklyn
#13
hopefully with a tazing story
I don't carry a taser... only sgts do.

Driving along with my partner and a robbery with a gun comes over. We get to the area and are looking around when a foot pursuit of the guy comes over the air. The block he is running down leads to an ave where one side is water (sheepshead bay). Its like a 10-15 foot drop to the water. We missed cutting him off by 2 seconds before he had tossed his gun on the grass and jumped over the rail into the water. (why he doesn't toss the gun into the water where we may never find it, and keep running on land is beyond me)

We get out and look over the rail. Being a young person he can't swim, and is at the bottom of the wall, or whatever you want to call it, holding on to something. I hop over the rail and am trying to figure a way to get down there, thinking of jumping in.. when a boat comes sailing close. I get the guy over and tell him we need the boat. He says sure so me and my partner hop on the front of it (the bow), which is in front of the wheel house. The boat wasnt that big but there was enough room for the two of us on there. He guides us over to the young 'un and we drag him on the boat. The ipod he just robbed is hanging from his sneaker by a strap. We cuff him and I am telling him to lie flat. My partner is standing by his feet while I am kneeling on him. He keeps lifting his head and trying to roll over. The last thing I need is a young person, rear cuffed, that can't swim, falling into the water. Having nothing to hold onto and no leverage I stand up and place my foot in the back of his neck while I hold on to the wheel house.. He asks why I am stepping on him and I tell him because he wouldn't stop moving, which he agrees I am right and lays still.

I literally look like washington crossing the Delaware (standing on a young person) as we sail over to the closest dock. There were a lot of people that gathered around by now, and figured someone thook a picture or filmed it. I would love to see what this looked like...... As we are walking him to the guys who started the pursuit (their collar) he says thank you. I ask for what? He said for not kicking his ass.
 

Hate & Discontent

Yo, homie. Is that my briefcase?
Aug 22, 2005
15,777
1,343
628
#15

Just picture an NYPD uniform on Washington and his foot on a cuffed schwoogie.
:haha7::haha7::haha7:
:haha7:

You should have told him to stop fucking squirming, or he was going back in the water - handcuffs and all.
 

NuttyJim

Registered User
Feb 18, 2006
14,009
6,364
638
#16
We were working in and around Jersey City and we busted this dude for assault or some shit. Anyway we are at the jail and the group before us did a vice sweep and brought in a bunch of hookers. Well when you do a booking form in a jail it asks you all these questions about where you live and job history. Well the Officer soon the form asks the Hooker if she has a job. She says no and Officer turns to the Desk Sergeant as says "hey Sarge, is sucking dick a job?" we all fucking lost it at this point. It was then does he turn back to the hooker and tells her "see, you do have a job". Can't do that shit anymore.
 

NuttyJim

Registered User
Feb 18, 2006
14,009
6,364
638
#17
The funniest motherfuckers I ever worked with are the NYPD. They are also some of the best fucking guys on the Planet when it comes to working with and dealing with visiting cops. The only other group that treated me and the guys I work with better were Irelands National Police aka The Garda. Every September I work the UNGA in NYC and always get paired with Narcos from Brooklyn North. They are the craziest and funniest fuckers on the planet. Only Kid would get this reference but I remember when i first found out what a "land pirate" was. Fucking Hilarious.
 

kidconnor

55gallon hog
Mar 16, 2005
5,351
1,136
678
brooklyn
#18
Yeah brooklyn Narco guys are crazy.. gotta be to work in that boro doing narcotics. Those cats are good people (they love calling people cats)

land pirates..ha ha. It's calmed down a lot from what it used to be. I heard a lot of stories from the 93 trade center bombing. Body bags filled with computers. Axe marks to the atm machines.. On tape too.. I almost got jammed up because of some shit that went missing from a call we went on. The shit miraculously reappeared before any trouble came down and I was spared.

The UNGA is a good to work depending on what hotel you get assigned to.. makes those really long days easier.
 

MayrMeninoCrash

Liberal Psycopath
Dec 9, 2004
24,435
8,604
693
Silverdale, WA
#21
Working on the highway, I usually get to know the local law enforcement pretty good. Normally they show up to clean some drunk driver out of the middle of our work area, but one time we were working on I-15 about 75 miles south of Vegas. We had just (a week earlier) opened a new set of lanes to traffic, with new bridges and guardrail. We heard that there was a hot pursuit of an armed robbery suspect coming, so we cleared the highways to let them through. The idiot criminal made it halfway through our jobsite before wiping out and destroying about 200 feet of our brand new guardrail and jumped out of of the car and started running. The CHP were right on his ass, and the one officer jumped out brandishing this



I guess in the wake of North Hollywood, the cops don't mess around with pea shooters anymore. Dude made it 50 feet into the desert before getting caught on a rancher's fence. We had to install new guardrail the next day.
 

Hate & Discontent

Yo, homie. Is that my briefcase?
Aug 22, 2005
15,777
1,343
628
#22
Working on the highway, I usually get to know the local law enforcement pretty good. Normally they show up to clean some drunk driver out of the middle of our work area, but one time we were working on I-15 about 75 miles south of Vegas. We had just (a week earlier) opened a new set of lanes to traffic, with new bridges and guardrail. We heard that there was a hot pursuit of an armed robbery suspect coming, so we cleared the highways to let them through. The idiot criminal made it halfway through our jobsite before wiping out and destroying about 200 feet of our brand new guardrail and jumped out of of the car and started running. The CHP were right on his ass, and the one officer jumped out brandishing this



I guess in the wake of North Hollywood, the cops don't mess around with pea shooters anymore. Dude made it 50 feet into the desert before getting caught on a rancher's fence. We had to install new guardrail the next day.
Yeah, the North Hollywood robbery really brought the need for patrol carbines to the fore for LEOs. Ironically enough, even though the cops were trying to borrow some ARs from a nearby gun store, they were never used against the robbers. One turned the gun on himself, and the other was brought down with aimed fire from the SWAT team's MP5s.
 

CougarHunter

Lying causes cat piss smell.
Mar 2, 2006
10,590
2,570
566
KC Metro
#23
I was a Deputy Sheriff for a year in a small MO county before I went to work at the pen (Liked the 6 mo jail work more than the 6 mo on the street).

My TO, who was a fairly senior guy, managed to fuck up every single car in the county fleet over a three year period, with the exception of the Sheriff's personal ride. The Sheriff was his wife's half-brother, which explains how all this craziness went unpunished.

In one car, he was fucking with the wiring of the grill lights and some how toasted the computer. He left a car neutral, where it rolled into a deep ravine. In another, he blew an engine after hitting something in the roadway (a car rim) and not stopping to check for damage (dont worry about those dash lights, kid). He clipped a building while driving down an alley. He was fucking around one night and shot his car, and claimed someone took a shot at him. A deer jumped on to the roof of his car once knocking the light bar off. He tried to close an ASP on the hood and knocked a nice hole in it.

Those are the ones I remember, there's at least a few more incidents that I can't recall. Thank Christ I was only was witness to the engine and the deer attack.

Funny part is that after he was retired upon the election of a new Sheriff, he ended up working for me at the pen for a rotation.
 

Motor Head

HIGHWAY TRASH REMOVAL
Jan 23, 2006
10,385
419
243
Land of hicks and rubes.
#24
My first badge job was a deputy over in Iowa. I was on patrol and was driving in a blinding rainstorm at about 45mph and a pickup (I think) came up in the lane next to me, hooked my bumper and spun me into the median. It was by far one of the most bizarre encounters I have ever had. I saw his headlights, he slowed up and then he pitted me like he was a CHP pursuit specialist. I was stuck in the mud, pouring rain and had to call for a tow truck to get me out. The sheriff, my boss, with raised eyebrows had me explain exactly what happened a half a dozen times.

I guess if the opportunity presents itself; a good PIT is socially acceptable to some people.
 
Jun 2, 2005
15,516
4
0
Dallas
#25
So you're saying the dude realized he'd clipped a cop, so he turned around and pushed you into the mud so he couldn't get caught?

I guess I don't understand what "pitted" means in this context.