Favorite Monty Python lines

Aug 11, 2005
27,637
4
51
#1
And now for something completley different.
 

BCH

Doesn't need your acknowledgement on Twitter
Wackbag Staff
Jun 9, 2005
9,519
235
513
New York
#4
"Skip a bit Brother"

"That's enough merriment for now"

"One, Two, FIVE!" "Three sir." "Right THREE!"

"Quiet! You'll be stone dead in a moment"
 

GoCamels

Hark the sound of Tar Heel voices...
Aug 19, 2005
1,396
0
0
Graveyard Of The Atlantic
#5
Appropriate for today's Hacky Radio DJ Bit of the day...

"I fah-rt in your gen-er-ral DIE-rec-SHUN!!!

[yt]Nsfr670C5CI[/yt]
 

Myhairygrundle

Screw you guys, I'm going home.
Jul 16, 2005
6,797
1,944
543
Texas
#9
Fuck off, Judean Peoples Front...We're the People's Front of Judea!


Love the PFJ.
 
May 14, 2004
960
0
0
Bum Fuck WV
#12
Mr Smoke-Too-Much: I saw your add in the "Bolour" Supplement.
Bounder: The what?
Mr Smoke-Too-Much: The Bolour Suppliment.
Bounder: The Colour Supplement.
Mr Smoke-Too-Much: Yes, I'm sorry, I can't say the letter B.
Bounder: C?
Mr Smoke-Too-Much: Yes, that's right. It's all due to a trauma I suffered when I was a "sbool" boy. I was attacked by a bat.
Bounder: A cat?
Mr Smoke-Too-Much: No, a bat.
 

Chino Kapone

Yo, whats wrong wit da beer we got?
Jun 10, 2005
16,959
2,196
608
#13
"There are those that call me............................Tim?"



WOW! so thats where that shit came from. i never had any clue about that..... Tim for 1.
 

Kris_LTRMa

LoseTheRadio.net's Ma
Nov 17, 2006
9,749
1
333
right where I wanna be
#15
The Lumberjack:

BARBER:
I wanted to be... a lumberjack!
Leaping from tree to tree, as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia. The Giant Redwood. The Larch. The Fir! The mighty Scots Pine! The lofty flowering Cherry! The plucky little Apsen! The limping Roo tree of Nigeria. The towering Wattle of Aldershot! The Maidenhead Weeping Water Plant! The naughty Leicestershire Flashing Oak! The flatulent Elm of West Ruislip! The Quercus Maximus Bamber Gascoigni! The Epigillus! The Barter Hughius Greenus!

With my best buddy by my side, we'd sing! Sing! Sing!
the rest of the skit:

[singing]
I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay.
I sleep all night and I work all day.

MOUNTIES:
He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

BARBER:
I cut down trees. I eat my lunch.
I go to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays I go shoppin'
And have buttered scones for tea.

MOUNTIES:
He cuts down trees. He eats his lunch.
He goes to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays he goes shopping
And has buttered scones for tea.

He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

BARBER:
I cut down trees. I skip and jump.
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing
And hang around in bars.

MOUNTIES:
He cuts down trees. He skips and jumps.
He likes to press wild flowers.
He puts on women's clothing
And hangs around in bars?!

He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

BARBER:
I cut down trees. I wear high heels,
Suspendies, and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girlie,
Just like my dear Papa.

MOUNTIES:
He cuts down trees. He wears high heels,
Suspendies, and a bra?!

[talking]
What's this? Wants to be a girlie?! Oh, My!
And I thought you were so rugged! Poofter!...

[singing]
He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

He's a lumberjack, and he's okaaaaay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.
 

Kris_LTRMa

LoseTheRadio.net's Ma
Nov 17, 2006
9,749
1
333
right where I wanna be
#16
From Monty Python and the Holy Grail:

God: Every time I try to talk to someone it's "sorry this" and "forgive me that" and "I'm not worthy"

Also from the Holy Grail:

King Arthur: [after Arthur's cut off both of the Black Knight's arms] Look, you stupid Bastard. You've got no arms left.
Black Knight: Yes I have.
King Arthur: *Look*!
Black Knight: It's just a flesh wound.
 

BillyBibbet

Amish Rake Fighting Champ
Donator
Dec 16, 2004
39
4
588
Birdsboro PA
#18
"Have you come to arrange a holiday,,,,or would you like a blow job?"

"Christ!! It's Mr. Creosote!!"
 

LiddyRules

I'm Gonna Be The Bestest Pilot In The Whole Galaxy
Jun 1, 2005
142,408
50,226
644
#19
"Are You The Brain Specialist? My Brain Hurts!"

[yt]http://youtube.com/watch?v=tqyxXX3Ra4A[/yt]
[yt]http://youtube.com/watch?v=cEkT5uspE3c[/yt]

And because none of you has bothered to mention it-- "This is an EX-PARROT!"
[yt]http://youtube.com/watch?v=2H6DSoqZz_s[/yt]
 

bill333

Go Screw!
Mar 23, 2005
8,907
1,193
631
Orange County,NY - Hudson Valley
#20
Pontius Pilate: I will not have my fwiends widiculed by the common soldiewy. Anybody else feel like a little... giggle... when I mention my fwiend... Biggus...Dickus?

Pontius Pilate: What about you? Do you find it... wisible... when I say the name... Biggus...Dickus?
_________________________________________________________________

Mandy: Your father was a Roman.

Brian: You mean... you were RAPED?!

Mandy: Well... at first, yes.
_________________________________________________________________

Interviewer (Michael Palin):Good evening. I have with me in the studio tonight one of the country's leading skin specialists, Raymond Luxury Yacht

Raymond Luxury-Yacht (Graham Chapman):That's not my name!

Interviewer: I'm sorry; Raymond Luxury Yacht.

Raymond Luxury-Yacht:No no no, it's spelled, "Raymond Luxury Yacht," but it's pronounced, "Throatwobbler Mangrove".

Interviewer:You are a very silly man, and I'm not going to interview you.

Raymond Luxury-Yacht: Anti-Semitism!

_________________________________________________________________
Woman 1: Penguins don't come from next door; they come from the Antarctic!

Woman 2: BURMA!

Woman 1: Why'd you say "Burma"?

Woman 2: I panicked.
 

Kris_LTRMa

LoseTheRadio.net's Ma
Nov 17, 2006
9,749
1
333
right where I wanna be
#22
It's more than a line but this whole scene is one of my favorites:



CUSTOMER:
Here's one.
CART MASTER:
Ninepence.
DEAD PERSON:
I'm not dead!
CART MASTER:
What?
CUSTOMER:
Nothing. Here's your ninepence.
DEAD PERSON:
I'm not dead!
CART MASTER:
'Ere. He says he's not dead!
CUSTOMER:
Yes, he is.
DEAD PERSON:
I'm not!
CART MASTER:
He isn't?
CUSTOMER:
Well, he will be soon. He's very ill.
DEAD PERSON:
I'm getting better!
CUSTOMER:
No, you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment.
CART MASTER:
Oh, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations.
DEAD PERSON:
I don't want to go on the cart!
CUSTOMER:
Oh, don't be such a baby.
CART MASTER:
I can't take him.
DEAD PERSON:
I feel fine!
CUSTOMER:
Well, do us a favour.
CART MASTER:
I can't.
CUSTOMER:
Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He won't be long.
CART MASTER:
No, I've got to go to the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today.
CUSTOMER:
Well, when's your next round?
CART MASTER:
Thursday.
DEAD PERSON:
I think I'll go for a walk.
CUSTOMER:
You're not fooling anyone, you know. Look. Isn't there something you can do?
DEAD PERSON: [singing]
I feel happy. I feel happy.
[whop]
CUSTOMER:
Ah, thanks very much.
 

THE FEZ MAN

as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
Aug 23, 2002
42,653
9,662
848
#23
but im not dead yet
 

Arch Stanton

It's all about the funny!
Nov 22, 2004
25,696
374
663
Long Island
#24
Beat me on Lumberjack and It's just a flesh wound

Also loved the diagram by numbers with the underwear.