First of the Fools


I like fistables.
Dec 20, 2009
New Orleans....Iowa
I wasted no time being the first fool of April last night. I was all the way across town, the full six blocks, at a small gathering when a vehicle went zipping past in the dark with no lights on at all and out a gravel road. This made everyone suspicious as to what the hell was going on so I took off following on an enduro bike. I have lights but no plate on this bike and was across town on it because it's much quieter than the street legal bike and have never had issue with the law in the past while around town behaving on it and both deputies and the Sheriff that live in town know me. Anyhow as I went out and around the curve on the gravel I no longer saw the vehicle that went clear through town with no lights on until suddenly there were lights behind me. Turns out it was a county patrol looking for quads that had been racing around town earlier that pulled me over and gave me the sobriety tests and took me in, blew a .112 and ticketed for unregistered vehicle. It did no good explaining that I would not have went out had he not flew by with no lights creating suspicion. $1000 to set me free and $252 for the bike to be released today. They have yet to find the key to my bike so I can't start it. Court is Tuesday.

Yes I'm an asshat for riding over the limit but so is the deputy for blasting through town with no lights. We even ran stop signs on the way to jail and signaled for curves in the road. Had never met or seen the arresting deputy before. Any advice as to best way to defend myself? My only other OWI was back in '97 yet this was listed as my first on the ticket. :(


I'm Gonna Be The Bestest Pilot In The Whole Galaxy
Jun 1, 2005
You're not Batman.

Motor Head

Jan 23, 2006
Land of hicks and rubes.
Can I get unfucked on an OWI charge is more or less your question. Did some research for you.

Possibly. Under Iowa OWI law, a deferred judgment is available to first time offenders who were not involved in a injury accident, who did not refuse chemical testing, and whose BAC test result was less than 0.15 percent. If you qualify, you plead guilty to the OWI charge and accept the court imposed sanctions. If you complete all terms of the sentence, the OWI offense will not be entered on your criminal record. You will not have to serve jail time; however fines and a license revocation will be imposed.
I think you stand a good chance of getting a deferred judgement and can keep your license. You however will need to get out your checkbook and lawyer up. Otherwise you are going to catch a OWI 1st offense, which is means possible jail, definite suspension, sr-22 insurance and a large fine. Do it again within 12 years, it becomes an aggravated misdemeanor and it only gets worse from there.

No money - You can plead guilty, beg for mercy and ask for weekends in the Dickinson County Jail. Judging by their jail roster that is easy time. It's not like you got popped in Des Moines.


I like fistables.
Dec 20, 2009
New Orleans....Iowa
Thanks Motor Head and screw you other bastards! :action-sm
My original plan was to bang the deputies wife but she's really hot and would just be disappointed.
Aint no way I can shake like the deputies was.

The costs are of little concern but not being able to drive would present a problem. I'm perfectly willing to accept a much larger fine to avoid loss of driving privileges. I don't know if babysitting the judges children and providing labor for his son-in-law helps but it can't hurt right. Also the judge is the person who told me to hang out a shingle years ago.

Mostly I just wanted to share my foolishness with those I know can appreciate it.
If my mother dies I am getting a supple young man as a sidekick though.


as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
Aug 23, 2002
im sure this seemed like a good idea at the time.