FU "Been there, Done that" Guy/Girl

MyKneeGrows

A Mean-Spirited Nothing™
Sep 14, 2006
2,672
1
0
Milwaukee
#1
Ok, So my wifes aunt, her boyfriend is one of these cock suckers.

In a Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggggg Way.

No matter what we yalk about, he has done it, only 10 times better.

I could tell this clueless shitdick that I slept with a chinese, albino, 1 armed midget and he would tell me that he had a 3 some with the same.

I went hunting with this asshole 2 years ago, and all he talked about was how he let 27 deer go by him during Bow season. Yet during gun season, we saw 1 deer, on 200 acres.

Last saturday he comes over with my wifes aunt, for my kids b-day party. First words out of his hole... "where's my beer, If you were at my house I'd have greeted you with a beer". I says to him "Your full of shit douche bag, Anytime I come to your house, I bring my own because you drink shit beer".

Anywho...

Now this fuckstick is on his way over, so my wife can dye her aunts hair. There goes my Friday night. Be in the drinkin thread in no time.
 

Sinn Fein

Infidel and White Interloper
Wackbag Staff
Aug 29, 2002
31,547
2,205
898
Florida's Nature Coast
#2
Tell your wife she owes you a 5-star BJ for having to endure this dude's horseshit which is tainting your weekend.
 

THE FEZ MAN

as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
Aug 23, 2002
42,614
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#3
ahhhhhh, we call those guys "toppers" i hate to admit it but ive caught myself doing that on occasion, but its usually because at the time im surrounded buy dullards, who's big adventure is going to a foot ball game (which ive never been to) or going to the Bahamas (im not a big traveler) but i do all kinds of cool (gay depending on your views) shit, i build race cars, boats, blow glass, love antques music, hunting, fishing, dogs, computers. technolagy, art you name it, as long as its not sports.... yea all gay shit, but i also like to talk, so sometimes im sure i come off like a fucking uppity tool, as a matter of fact i know i do, but i will also admit when the conversation swings into a direction that im not familiar with i'll just say straight up that im in over my head on something, i learned that from my dad, he liked to talk too, but man do i hate the toppers, i run into a lot in bars, it seems to me that the more booze involved the better the toppings get.
 
Feb 20, 2006
8,646
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**** Island
#5
When confronted with this type of douche I usually top his bullshit story with one much more outlandish. Then I act really pissed if he even dares call bravo sierra on it. It's a fun game if you play it right.
 

THE FEZ MAN

as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
Aug 23, 2002
42,614
9,648
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#6
When confronted with this type of douche I usually top his bullshit story with one much more outlandish. Then I act really pissed if he even dares call bravo sierra on it. It's a fun game if you play it right.
oh so you have done a ride along in an F18 also? with a carrier landing:haha7:

i love that game
 

THE FEZ MAN

as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
Aug 23, 2002
42,614
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#8
yea but did you get to fire a weapon?
 

jackjack

Registered User
May 12, 2007
4,994
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Daytona Beach
#9
ride along? I was flying it friend. :D
In what condition? Mine took a direct hit to the left turbine.. Shrapnel from the rotor blades cut the hydraulics.. It was a little hairy, but I got it on the boat in one piece.
 
Feb 20, 2006
8,646
549
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**** Island
#12
In what condition? Mine took a direct hit to the left turbine.. Shrapnel from the rotor blades cut the hydraulics.. It was a little hairy, but I got it on the boat in one piece.

I wish I was that lucky. My plane came apart in mid air but I was fortunate enough to grab onto the shaft of an intact propeller. I held on and eventually floated down to Earth like Mary Poppins holding her umbrella. It looked kind of gay but a man's got to survive anyway possible ya know.


I know.
 
Dec 25, 2005
10,005
172
513
NJ
#13
So where can you beat him? Pick a sport, task, whatever & call him out.

Force him to the table. Love this shit... even if I get beat.
 

jackjack

Registered User
May 12, 2007
4,994
0
0
Daytona Beach
#14
I wish I was that lucky. My plane came apart in mid air but I was fortunate enough to grab onto the shaft of an intact propeller. I held on and eventually floated down to Earth like Mary Poppins holding her umbrella. It looked kind of gay but a man's got to survive anyway possible ya know.
Ooh, that's a rough one.. It's never easy when you lose your plane. Hope the guys in your unit weren't too hard on you about it. We never let up on the poor bastard that happened to over here. Same thing, almost. Except half way down I pulled up next to him with the canopy open and grabbed him while he was falling. They say I saved his life, but I'm not taking credit for that..
Sorry you lost your ride.
 

MyKneeGrows

A Mean-Spirited Nothing™
Sep 14, 2006
2,672
1
0
Milwaukee
#15
I had to report back, he just told me that to have ALL the features on an iphone, it costs $1000 a month. And that he never loses roll over minutes with cingular(they drop off after 1 year) and he has 20,000+ roll over minutes. What a tool.
 
Feb 20, 2006
8,646
549
521
**** Island
#16
Ooh, that's a rough one.. It's never easy when you lose your plane. Hope the guys in your unit weren't too hard on you about it. We never let up on the poor bastard that happened to over here. Same thing, almost. Except half way down I pulled up next to him with the canopy open and grabbed him while he was falling. They say I saved his life, but I'm not taking credit for that..
Sorry you lost your ride.
:haha7: Your humility is humbling.
 
Feb 20, 2006
8,646
549
521
**** Island
#17
I had to report back, he just told me that to have ALL the features on an iphone, it costs $1000 a month. And that he never loses roll over minutes with cingular(they drop off after 1 year) and he has 20,000+ roll over minutes. What a tool.

Tell him you have a sat phone that allows you to talk to the astronauts on the Endeavourrrrr and they're skerrrred. You'd let him talk to them but your moon minutes have expired.
 

jackjack

Registered User
May 12, 2007
4,994
0
0
Daytona Beach
#18
I had to report back, he just told me that to have ALL the features on an iphone, it costs $1000 a month. And that he never loses roll over minutes with cingular(they drop off after 1 year) and he has 20,000+ roll over minutes. What a tool.
I'm confused, are you playing the game or did he actually say this?
 

MyKneeGrows

A Mean-Spirited Nothing™
Sep 14, 2006
2,672
1
0
Milwaukee
#19
This is not a game, he thinks he is telling the stone cold truth. This guy thinks he knows everything about everything.
 

THE FEZ MAN

as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
Aug 23, 2002
42,614
9,648
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#21
Well, if you consider dropping Fat Man on Nagasaki as firing a weapon then yes.

FOUL!!!!!

you must make it technically plausible, acceptable answers would have been:

as a civi;
fired a gun
fired an inert missle
dropped a bomb
in a non combat situation

as a solder:
all of above +
(over conflict during the time of your life when you would have been in the mitary)
went on a bombing run
fired on ground target with live weapon
fired over an enemy vessel (ship)

if your going to play the game you must weave a plausible web to catch the pray
 
Dec 25, 2005
10,005
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NJ
#22
This doesn't need to involve military experience. just choose your battles wisley.

ahh... the tactics of 'simple conversation'.
 

THE FEZ MAN

as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
Aug 23, 2002
42,614
9,648
848
#23
This doesn't need to involve military experience. just choose your battles wisley.

ahh... the tactics of 'simple conversation'.
oh not at all, one can weave a web thew many different flavors of bull shit, military is actually one of the hardiest ones to pull off, because if the topper has actually been in the service they can pull off a tad more, i like to stick to dazzling them with the diversity of my gay hobbyness
 
Dec 25, 2005
10,005
172
513
NJ
#24
I'm proud to be a slacker. As long as I pay my bills I'm fine.
 

Monstercloud

Registered User
Feb 15, 2005
2,269
87
343
NH
#25
I had one of these douche bags when I was a kid. He took Taekwondo and claimed he knew hundreds of ways to kill a man. He also liked to boast how loaded he was, finally going over the line when he claimed he got a 92" TV (I'm not shitting you) for Christmas.. but he couldn't show it because "It was not plugged in".. again, not shitting you.

Funny thing is, I ran into one of my friends in the mall about 6 months ago, and he pretty much said he was a shitty singer or something in some shit band that was going no where outside of town lines.

....and he's a pimpily/freckled fuck. The only reason he got away with half of the shit is because he was like 6'2" in 6th grade.