FU McGriddle

NikkorTheMonk

Registered User
Apr 26, 2005
1,524
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#1
So I go through the McDonalds drive thru and pick up the usual. Sausage with Cheese McMuffin, no egg. Breakfast Buritto and a Iced Coffee, which is pretty good. But I get my order and take off and find out as usual they fucked up my order again. And this 8 bijillion calorie sandwich called the McGriddle wound up in my bag. I have always sworn this sandwich off and placed it in the same catagory as the KFC Bowl, and made fun of the fat fucks who eat them. Well I was too far away to go back so I unwrapped it and started munching and this thing is fucking orgasmic delicious. It's probably the most tasty thing on the menu and I could actually heart my heart slowing down as I was eating it, but I cound stop. Fuck you McDonalds and fuck you McGriddle. I have now spent three days craving one of these fucking things.
 

ShooterMcGavin

Go back to your shanties.
May 25, 2005
18,029
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#2
So I go through the McDonalds drive thru and pick up the usual. Sausage with Cheese McMuffin, no egg. Breakfast Buritto and a Iced Coffee, which is pretty good. But I get my order and take off and find out as usual they fucked up my order again. And this 8 bijillion calorie sandwich called the McGriddle wound up in my bag. I have always sworn this sandwich off and placed it in the same catagory as the KFC Bowl, and made fun of the fat fucks who eat them. Well I was too far away to go back so I unwrapped it and started munching and this thing is fucking orgasmic delicious. It's probably the most tasty thing on the menu and I could actually heart my heart slowing down as I was eating it, but I cound stop. Fuck you McDonalds and fuck you McGriddle. I have now spent three days craving one of these fucking things.
First of all, the "no egg" won't help you.

Breakfast burrito, also won't help you.

If you're eating your breakfast at McDonalds, it doesn't matter what you get, you're not eating healthy.

Choosing between the McGriddle and the Breakfast Burrito is like choosing between a Twinkie and a Little Debbie. Neither is going to help your health.
 

Mommadeez4u

Bastard coated bastard w/ bastard filling
Mar 26, 2005
4,048
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Washington, DC
#3
First of all, the "no egg" won't help you.
He wants to leave a small amount of bloodflow to the clot can rush unobstructed to his brain
 

FAZ8218

Good eeeeeeeevening.
Wackbag Staff
Feb 10, 2006
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#4
This thread scares my arteries, I'm gonna go have some oatmeal.
 

NikkorTheMonk

Registered User
Apr 26, 2005
1,524
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#5
Coumadin cures evertyhing. Never said i was health concious. The first sentence says everything thats wrong with my food choices.
 

gleet

What's black and white and red all over?
Jul 24, 2005
22,541
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Idaho
#6
I call bullshit. The trained professionals at McDonalds would not make a wrong order, and even if they did, the ponderous failsafe double checking and triple checking of each order would immediately find the mistake and correct it. You wanted a McGriddle and now try to blame the workers for your gluttony.
 

OfficerCornjob

Impossible to walk in this muck.
Aug 7, 2007
553
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Imaginationland
#7
Ive pretty much cut all soda/iced tea out of my diet for straight up spring water. Im skinny but I can tell my metabolism is slowing down, so I try to stay away from fast food now. But McGriddles are amazing.
 

NikkorTheMonk

Registered User
Apr 26, 2005
1,524
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#8
Busted. You caught me. Dams you McDonalds for hiring workers with PH.D.'s from McState University.
 

dodisman

Registered User
Feb 20, 2005
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#9
Coumadin cures evertyhing. Never said i was health concious. The first sentence says everything thats wrong with my food choices.
ha yeah...rely on blood thinners...that'll work until you get into a fender bender and internally bleed to death
 

BCH

Doesn't need your acknowledgement on Twitter
Wackbag Staff
Jun 9, 2005
9,521
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#10
This was a really funny FU thread. I'm a fan of the breakfast burrito myself. McDonald's Eggs aren't any less healthy than anyone else's. If you're having Sausage egg and cheese on a roll from the local deli, it's just as bad. The breakfast burrito is probably healthier than that due to it's diminutive size.
 

HummerTuesdays

Another girrrrl!!!
Apr 24, 2005
7,347
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On the road to ruin
#12
OMG. I love McGriddles but will have to wait a couple weeks to get one. I'm trying the Hollywood Cookie Diet, and McGriddles aren't part of it. :)
 

Mommadeez4u

Bastard coated bastard w/ bastard filling
Mar 26, 2005
4,048
915
608
Washington, DC
#13
The McGriddles come in three varieties, with one of each shown above. You've got "Sausage," "Sausage, Egg & Cheese," and the almighty heart-stopper, "Bacon, Egg & Cheese." The wrappers have all become translucently oily, which is a great way for illiterate people to tell the three kinds apart. Like I said, most of the ingredients are standard McDonald's fare. The sausage patties still look like frisbees for tiny people, the eggs look like nothing else I've ever seen in my entire life, and the bacon, yes, the bacon still appears like fried strips of canine ear. The peculiar treats aren't being sold on those merits, but rather some enormously honeyfied pieces of superbread... The rumors are true -- each bun top is stamped with McDonald's trademark golden arches, pan-fried into perfectly legible branded perfection. If you don't want to eat something that looks so promotional, pretend they're "Ws," or if we're really reaching, a "3." The claims that the maple syrup is cooked right into the buns ain't no lie -- they're practically sticky. There's even some "bits" of brown, sugary stuff of unknown origin, kind of like raisins that got run over, or conversely, some pretty gross piles of employee snot.

It's a Kodak Moment, my friends. McDonald's says that these McGriddles are now a permanent part of the breakfast menu "in selected areas," but I just don't see these things staying for the long haul. Maybe McD's past exploits have made me cynical -- the McLean Deluxe, Mac Tonight, that stupid commercial where Ronald gets fifteen different haircuts -- these are follies that instill a bit of doubt in those poised to judge something from Mickey D's. Experience it now, because it might not be around for too long. If I had to make a wager, I'd say that there's going to be a small problem with purchases from males. Think about it -- most guys are pretty self-conscious when delving into any kind of femmy territory. They're probably not going to want to speak the word "McGriddle" in a public setting, much less when the damn things arrive with a cute little 'M' imprint on 'em. I'm practically a girl, and I know even I have a hard time saying the word "McNugget" while there. I think that's why everyone orders those combo meals -- you can get away with just saying a number and getting the Hell out of there.

Don't let another food fall by the wayside before you've gained the right to say "I TRIED THAT!!" in conversations years later. Here's a look at each of the three varieties, complete with photographic evidence of their potentially lethal dosages of everything you're not supposed to intake. Choose wisely -- pick the wrong McGriddle, and you'll be firing off a fucking asteroid field.
 

Creasy Bear

gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh
Donator
Mar 10, 2006
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#14
Those McDonalds breakfast sammiches are pure evil. Once, every other month... that's all I allow myself to indulge. I love to get the sausage biscuit, and smother it in Frank's hot sauce... yummy nummy in my motherfuckin' tummy. I'm afraid to even try that McGriddle bastid'.

My old boss eats those things every single morning... 7 days a week. Needless to say he's bigger than a house, and his heart has to work like a bilge pump on the Titanic just to get him up out of a chair. His blood pressure is such that you could tap his vein and power wash your deck.

I give him two, three years tops, before his gravy pump seizes up and he topples over like a felled redwood.
 

LiddyRules

I'm Gonna Be The Bestest Pilot In The Whole Galaxy
Jun 1, 2005
144,459
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#15
Damn them for giving you the bazillion calorie breakfast the McGriddle. They should have given you the billion calorie "Sausage" and "Cheese" Mc"Muffin" (oh with no egg, do you order diet cokes with your big mac too?) And breakfast burrito.

This was a really funny FU thread. I'm a fan of the breakfast burrito myself. McDonald's Eggs aren't any less healthy than anyone else's. If you're having Sausage egg and cheese on a roll from the local deli, it's just as bad. The breakfast burrito is probably healthier than that due to it's diminutive size.
Except those eggs look like, taste like and are eggs and not some flat bizzare yellow tasteless foam.
 

NuttyJim

Registered User
Feb 18, 2006
14,157
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#16
if you want a diet...you could always try Aids. :action-sm



ps...never would've happened with snack wraps.
 

Mother Shucker

I'm over here now.
Oct 13, 2004
20,450
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Your Mom's box.
#18
The cheese and sausage thing is OK, but put a pancake in the mix and all the sudden it's a problem? Oh, those Cheese and sausage things are from Jenny Craig.
 

Sct Ptersns Twn

Looking 4 a New 1st Mate
Dec 4, 2005
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#19
I am absolutely loffing and crying over here.
I would have done the same fucking thing.
It is the plan of the Manager there to give out that goodness.
It prolly costs more and they throw in a few "mistakes" to lure you in.