FU to me for being a bad friend

VMS

Victim of high standards and low personal skills.
Apr 26, 2006
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#1
Ok, so in my group of friends I was the first to own my own home and to own my second (not simultaneous) home. I never really thought about it, but I guess there was a certain amount of ego in that.

So when some friends of mine, a married couple, started putting up Facebook photos of their new home (in the middle of construction), I noticed that it was big. Like, really big. It didn't bother me at the time: they're both professionals, with post-grad degrees in pretty lucrative fields, and they should be making a good amount of money to allow themselves to buy their (non-simultaneous, I think) second home.

So why did I feel a little thrill of "I'm better than you" when it turns out the gigantic house they were building was really a block of townhouses, and they're "only" building one of those units?

I really try to be a better friend than that, and I won't ever let them know I felt that way, but what kind of asshole feels that way about his friends?
 

Neon

ネオン
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Mar 23, 2008
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#2
Sounds more like you feeling good because you feel like you can measure up to them. It doesn't sound to me like you said to yourself: "Good. They don't deserve a big house." More like: "Good. Now I don't feel like a piece of shit compared to them."
 

Mikefrombx

Registered User
Jan 13, 2011
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#3
I think that is a fuck off to them in your mind. You feel inadequate in comparison whether it is because of your jobs or education. Now you feel like you have something over them.

If they are close friends than this shit shouldn't matter. I am going to guess that you guys aren't best buds. Also to point something out if they are building a row of townhouses to keep one and sell the rest/rent then you lose because that will pay for their home.
 

Creasy Bear

gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh
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Mar 10, 2006
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#4
So why did I feel a little thrill of "I'm better than you" when it turns out the gigantic house they were building was really a block of townhouses, and they're "only" building one of those units?
Because you're human, and humans are shit.

Next question.
 

whiskeyguy

PR representative for Drunk Whiskeyguy.
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Jan 12, 2010
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#6
Everyone doesn't feel that way? In regards to my really good friends, we were in constant competition over shit like this (although not at the same level, I'm still only 28). Some of it went unsaid but a lot was out there in the open. You're proud of your accomplishments and don't like when they're challenged... that's one of the mentalities that drives this country. 90% of people feel this way, just most of them lie to themselves about it... at least you're honest.
 
Jan 9, 2006
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#7
I think it's more Facebook that fuels these problems. People that post what they have in a "look what I have" manner are going to have some people get annoyed with them because it comes across as bragging. For example, I just bought a new car and the only reason it even got mentioned on Facebook is because my chick wanted to take a picture and share it the day I bought it. Beyond that, not one word except to a few people that asked. Other people I know would have posted pictures of it from every angle and bragged about every option it has.

Bottom line, reacting the way you did is normal. They're asking for it by posting the pictures to begin with.
 

jnoble

Lingering longer for a longering linger
Dec 4, 2005
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#8
yep

I think it's more Facebook that fuels these problems. People that post what they have in a "look what I have" manner are going to have some people get annoyed with them because it comes across as bragging. For example, I just bought a new car and the only reason it even got mentioned on Facebook is because my chick wanted to take a picture and share it the day I bought it. Beyond that, not one word except to a few people that asked. Other people I know would have posted pictures of it from every angle and bragged about every option it has.

Bottom line, reacting the way you did is normal. They're asking for it by posting the pictures to begin with.
Facebook can mind-fuck you if you spend too much time looking at what other people are doing. It can seem like everyone else's life is so much more fun and exciting then yours. This guy is going on a weekend getaway snowboarding trip with (insert names) and this girl just posted 50 pics from her vacation in the Bahamas, here's some group shots of some hot girls you know dancing it up at a nightclub while you just spend the night on the couch alone....You have to avoid comparing yourself to other people's lives, especially if you don't have much going on at the moment. It's really easy to depress yourself thinking about it too much.
 

whiskeyguy

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#9
Facebook can mind-fuck you if you spend too much time looking at what other people are doing. It can seem like everyone else's life is so much more fun and exciting then yours. This guy is going on a weekend getaway snowboarding trip with (insert names) and this girl just posted 50 pics from her vacation in the Bahamas, here's some group shots of some hot girls you know dancing it up at a nightclub while you just spend the night on the couch alone....You have to avoid comparing yourself to other people's lives, especially if you don't have much going on at the moment. It's really easy to depress yourself thinking about it too much.
You want to know who on Facebook probably has the best lives? The people who haven't posted anything in months.

Well, either that or they're in jail.
 

VMS

Victim of high standards and low personal skills.
Apr 26, 2006
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#10
Redux: Then there's my friend posting photos from work. In a 13th century Austrian palace.

He co-founded a Beltway Bandit that was one of the first gov't contractors to use real PC support in the early 90s, retired, then came back and is now with an European supranational that has him giving presentations at the Hofburg Palace in Austria every couple of weeks.

The trick is to use friends like this to push you to do more and accomplish more in life. It just kind of hurts to see a guy do this damn much.
 

Chino Kapone

Yo, whats wrong wit da beer we got?
Jun 10, 2005
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#11
It's normal. I can't stand facebook most of the time. There is one of my facebook friends that always posts to make people envious. She went to Rome earlier this year and the content of her posts were "OMG I'm going to Rome in 6 weeks with my best friend, my boyfriend!" They get to rome "80 pics of our first night in Rome!" "OMG I have the best bf ever!!!! He got me a new iPad, macbook, made my car payment.... " Whatever.

To me, people that have to brag about shit like this live an unfulfilling life, and just use these things for attention and to try to make other people jealous.
 

VMS

Victim of high standards and low personal skills.
Apr 26, 2006
10,309
2,650
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#12
It's normal. I can't stand facebook most of the time. There is one of my facebook friends that always posts to make people envious. She went to Rome earlier this year and the content of her posts were "OMG I'm going to Rome in 6 weeks with my best friend, my boyfriend!" They get to rome "80 pics of our first night in Rome!" "OMG I have the best bf ever!!!! He got me a new iPad, macbook, made my car payment.... " Whatever.

To me, people that have to brag about shit like this live an unfulfilling life, and just use these things for attention and to try to make other people jealous.
My bud isn't living an unfulfilling life. He's worked for everything he has, and smiles while he does it. Or I'd ditch him as a friend. He's a good dude, it's just that once in a while I pull a Caesar weeping at a statue of Alexander.
 

Assholes & Elbows

The Rabbi gets the salary,The Mohel gets the tips
Aug 26, 2013
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#13
For some reason i've really wanted to fuck my friends girl friend lately, it's weird because we've known each other (his gf and i) for about 7 years now and these feelings just started. I'm not going to follow up on them of course but I do think and visualizes scenarios, exchanges, fucking... Then I just tug on my little wiener and cry.
 

VMS

Victim of high standards and low personal skills.
Apr 26, 2006
10,309
2,650
586
#14
For some reason i've really wanted to fuck my friends girl friend lately, it's weird because we've known each other (his gf and i) for about 7 years now and these feelings just started. I'm not going to follow up on them of course but I do think and visualizes scenarios, exchanges, fucking... Then I just tug on my little wiener and cry.
I'm jealous of another buddy's wife, but I'm not into her. The two of them are just too damn perfect for each other. The same sense of humor, the same attitude towards things. He is one of the best guys ever, and she knows this and supports him 100%. They're just right.

Makes me want to kick in a wall.
 

Assholes & Elbows

The Rabbi gets the salary,The Mohel gets the tips
Aug 26, 2013
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#15
I'm jealous of another buddy's wife, but I'm not into her. The two of them are just too damn perfect for each other. The same sense of humor, the same attitude towards things. He is one of the best guys ever, and she knows this and supports him 100%. They're just right.

Makes me want to kick in a wall.
It won't last.
 

jnoble

Lingering longer for a longering linger
Dec 4, 2005
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#18
It's normal. I can't stand facebook most of the time. There is one of my facebook friends that always posts to make people envious. She went to Rome earlier this year and the content of her posts were "OMG I'm going to Rome in 6 weeks with my best friend, my boyfriend!" They get to rome "80 pics of our first night in Rome!" "OMG I have the best bf ever!!!! He got me a new iPad, macbook, made my car payment.... " Whatever.

To me, people that have to brag about shit like this live an unfulfilling life, and just use these things for attention and to try to make other people jealous.
Women are far and away more annoying and self-important on Facebook than most of the guys I know on there. I have the status feeds blocked of so many women that I otherwise like because of the ENDLESS daily stream of meme and baby/children picture shares and inane status posts and "pay attention to me" stuff. I counted 16 of them in a day by one girl I went to HS with and that might not have been all of em. The worst are the girls that won't stop with the flattering selfies. It's just pathetic begging for compliments. OK, you're pretty, WE GET IT!!! And if you're not that good looking, posting these will not suddenly make me find you attractive. It's just sad. I spend a lot of time on FB but it's mostly looking and commenting on other people I personally know and maybe a chat session with someone I hadn't talked to in awhile.

I also know a girl who, going by her FB page, does nothing but go on exotic expensive-looking vacations with who I assume is her boyfriend and uploads literally all 250 photos from each. And food. She really loves taking pictures of her food. As you can probably guess, I blocked her awhile back too.
 
Jun 30, 2005
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#19
The worst on facebook is the person who broke up with a mutual friend and some time later is posting with the new boyfriend dujour....it's the inevitable couples selfie with some sort of "Wow I never knew what love was like until I met XXXX" and it's the same dogshit stuff you posted 3x over the last 3 years....just admit you are a relationship trainwreck and save us all the rehashing of the failure that's coming in 6 months..


As far as houses? We bought low...way low for what we were approved for. We have no problem making our mortgage (even refi'd to even lower with a ridiculous rate) and we enjoy the ability to go on trips and spend cash with no worries....I can invest in stocks etc and buy my toys...I think overspending on a house is a ridiculous waste of money and adds so much stress to your life..I easily have the 'cheapest' home in my family...and it's still a $300k house (Massachusetts for ya)..but whatever..

Yeah I wish I had more space for stuff but the minimalist home means a lot less cleaning...
 

THE FEZ MAN

as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
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#21
You have friend's?
 
Nov 29, 2006
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#23
You bumped your 10 month old thread with 9 posts in it. Shit like this is what makes you a bad friend.