FU To Non Standard Hand Shakes

Jan 25, 2006
33,621
4,413
578
Saint Louis
#1
Fuck anyone who wants to give a stranger a handshake that isn't the standard 'I extend my hand openly and you slide your flat-open hand in to mine' way.

Playing pick up basketball or meeting a friend of a friend type of thing is too awkward. I don't like shaking these filthy animals hands to begin with, but I don't want to be the guy that doens't shake hands. But tonight there was the guy who "Pounds" ,the guy who just wants to shake fingertips (What is that!?), the fish-shake, and then the "We're in a treehouse, we have a secret shake" guy... who shook normally but then grabbed my fingertips and then did some sort of a pound thing.

All shakes went just insanely awkward, I was like what are we doing here..

Just stick to the simple classic shake for gods sake.
 

SatansCheerledr

Ideologically Unsound
Apr 6, 2005
15,349
7,733
716
I Will Pay Snakes To Bite You
#2
I agree, you go to shake someone’s hand and suddenly YOU are the awkward douchbag fumbling about because you don’t know there flimy-flamy lame-ass secret handshake of the week.
 
Jan 25, 2006
33,621
4,413
578
Saint Louis
#3
Exactly, some guy I've never worked with at work today gave me a finger-tip shake. He only wanted fingertips, meanwhile I grabbed his whole hand and it ended up in a split second boyfriend-girlfriend hand holding thing and then an awkward release.
 

Angelfuck

Part of the Ronnie B. crowd
Jan 6, 2006
10,838
1
0
Static Age
#4
"the pound" its the standard handshake around these parts, you hardly even have to touch hands, you just slap the other persons hand. I dont know what this other shit is about, whats a fish shake? we used to do the stupid skin it handshake from Stand By Me as a goof
 
Jan 25, 2006
33,621
4,413
578
Saint Louis
#5
"the pound" its the standard handshake around these parts, you hardly even have to touch hands, you just slap the other persons hand. I dont know what this other shit is about, whats a fish shake? we used to do the stupid skin it handshake from Stand By Me as a goof
The fish-shake is like when a girl would put their hand down in a limp flimsy fashion for a guy to kiss or something.
But it's a guy doing this, basically making the other person grab his limp hand and shake it for him.
Imagine shaking a hand that had no bones in it, just lying their all limp and fishy.
 

Angelfuck

Part of the Ronnie B. crowd
Jan 6, 2006
10,838
1
0
Static Age
#6
hahaha, vinny (the guy who owns the stress factory) does that to people when he first meets them just to freak them out, I thought that was hysterical
 

Glenn Dandy

THE ONLY WHITE PRESIDENT LEFT.
Mar 21, 2005
19,758
35
298
Wackbag Whitehouse.
#7
WAke up white people... I had an old friend try the pull in the other day, i freaked and chastized him.
I said Whoo, Whoo are we in jail or somethin, WTF was that?
 

Hudson

Supreme Champion!!!!!
Donator
Jan 14, 2002
32,840
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Land of misfit toys
#8
Thing that freaks me is when you do the standard handshake and you notice without looking, that the person is missing a digit or two.
But the pull in and hug thing almost equally so.
 

Mommadeez4u

Bastard coated bastard w/ bastard filling
Mar 26, 2005
4,038
909
608
Washington, DC
#12
I hate the 'Early Grabber'. This is the retard who, as yours and his hands are coming together for the standard gentleman's handshake, latches down like a fucking beartrap on your fingertips, so you're left shaking with your crushed together fingertips.
 

Joe Avezzano

Registered User
Jul 9, 2006
1,000
1
0
#13
I hate the 'Early Grabber'. This is the retard who, as yours and his hands are coming together for the standard gentleman's handshake, latches down like a fucking beartrap on your fingertips, so you're left shaking with your crushed together fingertips.
Yeah, I hate that one too. I guess they're trying to display some dominance or something.

Also, I hate when you go fo the standard shake and the other guy goes for the 45 degree angle arm wrestling grip. That's awkward as hell too.
 

Salem

Midgets = funny
Jul 3, 2006
1,346
0
311
Buh Buh Buh Boston
#14
Or the "Ok thats enough holding hands there buddy" shake. A standard shake should only last 10-20 seconds (general shake) im sure there are situations, maybe funerals or reunions where it can last longer but what is with the guy who holds your hand after you try to release it 2 or 3 times while chatting? If thats not awkard i dont know what is. You kinda look around the room giving the other person the sign that youve had enough with the greeting and he doesnt get it. Drives me nuts.
 
Nov 29, 2006
3,452
374
523
FL
#16
Or the "Ok thats enough holding hands there buddy" shake. A standard shake should only last 10-20 seconds (general shake) im sure there are situations, maybe funerals or reunions where it can last longer but what is with the guy who holds your hand after you try to release it 2 or 3 times while chatting? If thats not awkard i dont know what is. You kinda look around the room giving the other person the sign that youve had enough with the greeting and he doesnt get it. Drives me nuts.
A 20-second handshake? Who the fuck shakes hands for 20 seconds? I won't hold hands with my chick for that long.
 

weeniewawa

it's a man, baby!!!
May 21, 2005
12,076
1,267
593
Hell,California
#17
Or the "Ok thats enough holding hands there buddy" shake. A standard shake should only last 10-20 seconds (general shake) im sure there are situations, maybe funerals or reunions where it can last longer but what is with the guy who holds your hand after you try to release it 2 or 3 times while chatting? If thats not awkard i dont know what is. You kinda look around the room giving the other person the sign that youve had enough with the greeting and he doesnt get it. Drives me nuts.
10-20 seconds?:icon_surp most conversations shouldn't last that long
 

Hudson

Supreme Champion!!!!!
Donator
Jan 14, 2002
32,840
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Land of misfit toys
#19
The other thing that grosses me out are sweaty/greasy/wet palms....handshakes like that are totaly gross especially when you know they just came out of the men's room....Conversely(sp), I am a dick, and intentionally don't dry my hands all the way before leaving the restroom if I know I am going to have to shake hands with a person I don't like.
 

gleet

What's black and white and red all over?
Jul 24, 2005
22,541
13,853
608
Idaho
#20
Am I the only one who lives in a part of the country where men still shake hands like men?
 

mikeybot

SPANAKOPITA!!!
Jul 25, 2005
19,291
3,590
623
philly
#22
The first sign of a fishy handshake makes me want to crush their hand.
It isn't so much the male dominance thing as its just disrespectful.
 
#23
not shaking hands is fine with me. if anything just wave or something. Last thing I need is a fucking cold, or whatever else is out there.

I'm perfectly fine with the fist pound thing. Quick painless and over with. I hate getting sick because of other peoples germs.
 

NuttyJim

Registered User
Feb 18, 2006
14,058
6,381
638
#24
dont fags do the fingertip shake? give a real fuckin handshake people..put some fucking grip behind it.
 

Chino Kapone

Yo, whats wrong wit da beer we got?
Jun 10, 2005
16,959
2,196
608
#25
fist pound should be the standard now unless in a professional setting. then the common hand shake. I do the grip and snap with my friends, thats when you give a half down low high five pull away with friction and snap your fingers like your black.

the hand shake half hug is tough with people who go in for that and you barely know them. i hate that

or what about the chick that tries to break your hand as you shake it. it comes as a surprise and you dont expect the hand shake to hurt but it does. I'm like bitch, do you want me to try and break your fucking hand??!?!?!?!oone11one!?!? ( no Homo)