FU to The Univ. Of Alabama Meal and Housing Program

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#1
I will be starting college in the fall and due to academic achievement in High School, I get free tutiton. Today, I decided to look at my costs as to what to expect, considering it to be somewhere in the area of 8000$ (for room and board). Instead, the cost is 12900$. Why is that? Because of a little rule the University of Alabama has, if you live on campus (which I originally planned on doing), you are required to buy a meal plan. Sure, a plan is only 225$, but no -- if you are a Freshman, you have to buy the highest plan possible, which is 1,600$ per semester. Thats right, 5 meals a week, for a semester comes out to 1,600$. Now what do these meals consist of? You either choose a deli sandwich, a slice of pizza, or a piece of grilled chicken with a choice of salad or chips. Lets do the math on this one. The semester lasts 80 days, so that is roughly 11.5 weeks that I will be in school, which gives me 140$ I will be spending a week on this "food". Each one of these meals costs me a grand total of 28$. 28$ fucking dollars.

So I decided to write a little feedback letter to the dean of University of Alabama dining. Enjoy.

As an incoming Freshman, I was excited about coming to UAB. I got a good scholarship to cover my tution costs, which through my hard work, I earned. However, while looking at estimated costs, something struck me as odd. It is part of your policy (which I am sure you are aware of) about meal plans. Now, I planned on living on campus which already entails me paying you 4,100 a semester for a cubicle that I most likely will have to share with a ******, jew, wop, spic, slanty eye kamakize fighter, or whatever other genetic disaster you allowed into the institution due to the need for diversity. Lets be honest here Brent, they are only in the school because due to their abilites in Africa to run quickly and escape from the nets of the white man that they have been genetically crafted into athletic machines. And of course, no matter how awful they do in school, they will be allowed to stay, even though going to a UAB football/basketball game is about as entertaining as playing catch with Terry Shiavio. Now, off to the meal plan! As an incoming freshman, your rule stipulates as following : "For the 2007-2008 academic year, all **freshmen students residing in on-campus housing, will be required to purchase a meal plan and must select either Plan 1 or 2." This is one meal a day, with my choice of either a sandwich, a slice of pizza, or a grilled chicken, with my choice of a bag of chips or a salad. And how much is all this? Cost per Semester : $1,600. Wow sir, for that one meal, I will be charged 28.85$ each time. I recently attended your orientation, which we got to enjoy what food is to come when we fork you over 1,600$ every semester. First off, hire some people that work the counter that can actually understand what I say and not a dumb spic with a hairy mole above her cheek which, sadly enough, didnt get caught in the barbed wire when she hopped the fence into this country. Second, your food, if you can even call it that, is shit. No, excuse me, I can not find a word to glorify what this slop was. As I but into the deli sandwich, it was so raw that I felt as if I was eating out a Laquandateeshas herpes-infested vagina. I would rather have my face planted under the www.meatspin.com twist of death while tubgirl was spewing her juices onto my face, as I wished I was the nun featured in the Church of Fudge video -- all to finish it off with a hot load of a gay man cum, god knows what of the anus of tubgirl, a pastors holy shit, and a shemales love juice. And you want me to believe that not only I have to reside in a place where my privacy is constantly violated, where my belongings can be searched through anytime, where I can't bring a friend in, all for 4,100$ a semester? And it isn't even the living expenses that bother me, it's that I am required to pay 1,600$ for your shit food prepared by Luis and Carlos? Go shit in your hat and foward this to the Housing, I no longer plan on living on campus because of your money sucking tactics, it may work for all the other waterheads, but considering all I want from college is to smoke pot, get drunk, and eat noodles, I dont want to pay another 1,600$ for the abortion that you call food.
 

HummerTuesdays

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#2
I thoroughly enjoyed your letter to the dining department however I'm not sure it's going to get you the response you wanted. :)
 

Myhairygrundle

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#3
I thought illegals got free room and board at any college. :icon_mrgr


That brings back fond memories of the ol' college dining hall. The schwoogies would segregate themselves next to the trash containers (go figure) and the civilized white folks would have to walk through the jungle to take our trays to the dish washing area. They would hoop and holler like monkeys...and then wonder why they get dragged behind...never mind.

Just get student loans like everyone else and enjoy college.

.
 

thetick130

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#4
although very funny. this will probably get you kicked out of school. Any criticism of those animals and the way the school teaches them in anyway shape or form usually gets a hearing or some sort of faggoty punnishment. I've seen people get into huge amounts of shit for away messages that hint about how fucked up the schools affermitive action(racism) policy is.

But once again funny ass shit, though i hope for your sake you didnt send it in.

Good luck bro
 

mikeybot

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#5
It's Alabama, you shouldn't have lofty expectations.
 

ShooterMcGavin

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#6
although very funny. this will probably get you kicked out of school. Any criticism of those animals and the way the school teaches them in anyway shape or form usually gets a hearing or some sort of faggoty punnishment. I've seen people get into huge amounts of shit for away messages that hint about how fucked up the schools affermitive action(racism) policy is.

But once again funny ass shit, though i hope for your sake you didnt send it in.

Good luck bro
I was kicked out of highschool because of an online blog, however...

A law was passed recently that pretty much says unless you are threatening the school, they can't do anything about what you are doing on the internet. He's fine.

Besides, he probably sent that anonymously.
 
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#7
A law was passed recently that pretty much says unless you are threatening the school, they can't do anything about what you are doing on the internet. He's fine.
 
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#8
umm..heads up...colleges usually have a code of conduct/ethics that all students are required to abide by...granted it seems like a funny letter, but until is see the letter informing you that your acceptance has been reconsidered and they are inivting you to apply again in the future I don't actually believe that this is THE letter you sent. Edited down you make some fine points, but as far as college goes, you don't want to be THAT guy...Mr. I challenge the administration all the time maaaaaan....And you are in [forest gump]Alabama Sir![/fg] I really hope you don't expect much...the mere fact you actually managed to write a letter and do the math sets you up for honors courses there :)
 

HerkyJerkyLiz

Posts below off topic.
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#9
i heard that if you go to school in FL you get to live here:




and a girl will not only wash and fold your laundry but cook you dinner a few times a week.
 

Taso

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#10
Why are you going back to college, I thought you were a neurosurgeon already? Or are you going back to further your education?
 

Budyzir

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#11
I went to a state merchant marine academy, you can imagine the slop they served there. Last year the mess deck was shut down after a state sanitary inspection.

Raman noddles rule!
 
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#12
i heard that if you go to school in FL you get to live here:




and a girl will not only wash and fold your laundry but cook you dinner a few times a week.
It can't come soon enough ...
 

thetick130

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#13
thats only if you play football probably
 
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