FU to this foodie hipster horseshit

jnoble

Lingering longer for a longering linger
Dec 4, 2005
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#1
I've had enough of people I know posting on FB the latest liberal fad like a bunch of brainless sheep:

DERP! MONSANTO IS AN EVIL COMPANY TRYING TO GIVE US ALL CANCER!
DERP! GMOS!
DERP! WE DON'T EAT PROCESSED FOODS!!
DERP! ORGANIC! FREE RANGE! FARMERS MARKET!!
DERP! DOWN WITH BIG FOOD!!

Holy shit, I promise you none of these folks have ever done their own independent research into how genetically modified foods work. If they did, they'd know how they're making a big deal of nothing. But that's OK, just blindly follow the herd and waste your money on organic overpriced bullshit that isn't any different from the regular stuff and keep linking politically charged posts to how much smarter yo are then people like me who don't give a care about where exactly the bananas or burger meat I'm buying came from
There's also a lot of people on the planet who are literally starving and don't have the luxury of refusing something because it's not "gluten free" or "pesticide-free" or "grass fed".
FUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!! :mad:
 

LiddyRules

I'm Gonna Be The Bestest Pilot In The Whole Galaxy
Jun 1, 2005
143,044
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#2
You're using caps to evince anger and mock others. Therefore, your point is super-valid. Moreover, you're clearly at the forefront of an issue nobody else has talked about. And, you ended your post as though you were calling into the O+A FU Line.

I surely wouldn't want to get into a debate with you.
 

HandPanzer

O Tempora O Mores!
May 30, 2013
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#4
You're using caps to evince anger and mock others. Therefore, your point is super-valid. Moreover, you're clearly at the forefront of an issue nobody else has talked about. And, you ended your post as though you were calling into the O+A FU Line.

I surely wouldn't want to get into a debate with you.
What a snarky little bitch you are. :haha7:
 

jnoble

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Dec 4, 2005
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#5
You're using caps to evince anger and mock others. Therefore, your point is super-valid. Moreover, you're clearly at the forefront of an issue nobody else has talked about. And, you ended your post as though you were calling into the O+A FU Line.

I surely wouldn't want to get into a debate with you.
I actually was thinking about calling into the FU line with this but decided this format was better.
 

Mags

LDAR, bitch.
Donator
Oct 22, 2004
35,605
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#6
I've had enough of people I know posting on FB the latest liberal fad like a bunch of brainless sheep:

DERP! MONSANTO IS AN EVIL COMPANY TRYING TO GIVE US ALL CANCER!
DERP! GMOS!
DERP! WE DON'T EAT PROCESSED FOODS!!
DERP! ORGANIC! FREE RANGE! FARMERS MARKET!!
DERP! DOWN WITH BIG FOOD!!

Holy shit, I promise you none of these folks have ever done their own independent research into how genetically modified foods work. If they did, they'd know how they're making a big deal of nothing. But that's OK, just blindly follow the herd and waste your money on organic overpriced bullshit that isn't any different from the regular stuff and keep linking politically charged posts to how much smarter yo are then people like me who don't give a care about where exactly the bananas or burger meat I'm buying came from
There's also a lot of people on the planet who are literally starving and don't have the luxury of refusing something because it's not "gluten free" or "pesticide-free" or "grass fed".
FUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!! :mad:
K, your mistake is that you're on Facebook.
 

jnoble

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Dec 4, 2005
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#7
K, your mistake is that you're on Facebook.
how else am I going to find out about what retarded trends the people I know are following so I can rant about it on a radio show message board?
 

Creasy Bear

gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh
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Mar 10, 2006
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#8
My favorite is the big fatso slobs who lecture me on proper diet and nutrition.

I'm looking right at your fat coffee and cancer spewing ass, Quivers.
 

HandPanzer

O Tempora O Mores!
May 30, 2013
46,608
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#9
My favorite is the big fatso slobs who lecture me on proper diet and nutrition.

I'm looking right at your fat coffee and cancer spewing ass, Quivers.
Wrong thread...there's not enough boogaloo here, sir. But you're right, they are the worst.
 

jnoble

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Dec 4, 2005
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#10
I've had friends take me to burger places that only used grass fed organic beef and I honestly could not taste a difference between that and regular. It's all hype to me.
 

SatansCheerledr

Ideologically Unsound
Apr 6, 2005
15,499
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#11
I've had friends take me to burger places that only used grass fed organic beef and I honestly could not taste a difference between that and regular. It's all hype to me.
That's cuz it's all hype.

The only reason this kind of shit exists is because your average joe is a dipshit.
 

Norm Stansfield

私は亀が好きだ。
Mar 17, 2009
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#12
Aren't "foodies" people who seek out gourmet cooking and good wine as a hobby? Why bring them into this? They're the opposite of hipsters.
 

jnoble

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Dec 4, 2005
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#13
That's cuz it's all hype.

The only reason this kind of shit exists is because your average joe is a dipshit.
I'd love to open an all "organic" resturant in Brooklyn with all the right buzzwords on the menu and the prices jacked way up and use all regular ingredients and foods bought specifically from Monstanto and I'm pretty sure I'd be open for years without anyone knowing any difference. Suckers!
 

jnoble

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Dec 4, 2005
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#14
Aren't "foodies" people who seek out gourmet cooking and good wine as a hobby? Why bring them into this? They're the opposite of hipsters.
I guess. I've thought it's more of a generic term for anyone who makes a bigger than normal deal about what they eat and where it came from
 
Apr 30, 2011
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#15
Aren't "foodies" people who seek out gourmet cooking and good wine as a hobby? Why bring them into this? They're the opposite of hipsters.
Yeah, I agree there is a difference. Hippies certainly do push the whole "organic" concept though and the thought that they are more nutritious although that is total horseshit.
 

whiskeyguy

PR representative for Drunk Whiskeyguy.
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Jan 12, 2010
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#17
It's complete bullshit... leave it to fucking humans to bitch when science comes up with a way to feed more people, more efficiently. Monsanto is a terrible company when it comes to some of their business practices, but there's nothing wrong with GMO foods. Point out to these morons that our life expectancy is only increasing, and they ignore you.

Organic food is also bullshit. It's great if you raise your own produce and go out there every day, tend to your garden, process it yourself, and so on. But does it really make a difference in mass-produced food? No. Both sides of my family are in agriculture (mother's side diary/beef cattle, father's side farming), and they both operate organically to one extent or another... for one reason, it currently makes them more money. The minute the public wises up and drops the organic BS, they will go back to spraying chemicals all over that food, and we won't even notice.

The biggest health risk to you when eating fruits/vegetables is whether or not the Mexican that picked them washed his hands after taking a shit. This is universal for non-organic, GMO, or non-GMO organic food.
 

jnoble

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Dec 4, 2005
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#18
It's complete bullshit... leave it to fucking humans to bitch when science comes up with a way to feed more people, more efficiently. Monsanto is a terrible company when it comes to some of their business practices, but there's nothing wrong with GMO foods. Point out to these morons that our life expectancy is only increasing, and they ignore you.

Organic food is also bullshit. It's great if you raise your own produce and go out there every day, tend to your garden, process it yourself, and so on. But does it really make a difference in mass-produced food? No. Both sides of my family are in agriculture (mother's side diary/beef cattle, father's side farming), and they both operate organically to one extent or another... for one reason, it currently makes them more money. The minute the public wises up and drops the organic BS, they will go back to spraying chemicals all over that food, and we won't even notice.

The biggest health risk to you when eating fruits/vegetables is whether or not the Mexican that picked them washed his hands after taking a shit. This is universal for non-organic, GMO, or non-GMO organic food.
This is what I've been thinking. Well put sir. A lot of people are totally oblivious to what pesticides do. Its like they think these big EVIL companies just spray them on everything willy-nilly for no reason other than to try and kill their customers for some reason.
 

whiskeyguy

PR representative for Drunk Whiskeyguy.
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#19
This is what I've been thinking. Well put sir. A lot of people are totally oblivious to what pesticides do. Its like they think these big EVIL companies just spray them on everything willy-nilly for no reason other than to try and kill their customers for some reason.
Yeah, because their consumers dying is really going to help the food industry. It's fucking idiotic.

I also love the argument that "cancer rates are higher than ever". No they're not... medicine is better at diagnosing cancer, and people are living long enough to get it in higher numbers. It's the cost of a long life. When people died at 40, less people had cancer because, well, they died at 40.
 

Buster H

Alt-F4
Wackbag Staff
Dec 6, 2004
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#20
Friend of mine sent me this like today. I loffed

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kelly-maclean/surviving-whole-foods_b_3895583.html

Whole Foods is like Vegas. You go there to feel good but you leave broke, disoriented, and with the newfound knowledge that you have a vaginal disease.

Unlike Vegas, Whole Foods' clientele are all about mindfulness and compassion... until they get to the parking lot. Then it's war. As I pull up this morning, I see a pregnant lady on the crosswalk holding a baby and groceries. This driver swerves around her and honks. As he speeds off I catch his bumper sticker which says 'NAMASTE'. Poor lady didn't even hear him approaching because he was driving a Prius. He crept up on her like a panther.

As the great, sliding glass doors part I am immediately smacked in the face by a wall of cool, moist air that smells of strawberries and orchids. I leave behind the concrete jungle and enter a cornucopia of organic bliss; the land of hemp milk and honey. Seriously, think about Heaven and then think about Whole Foods; they're basically the same.

The first thing I see is the great wall of kombucha -- 42 different kinds of rotten tea. Fun fact: the word kombucha is Japanese for 'I gizzed in your tea.' Anyone who's ever swallowed the glob of mucus at the end of the bottle knows exactly what I'm talking about. I believe this thing is called "The Mother" which makes it that much creepier.



Next I see the gluten-free section filled with crackers and bread made from various wheat-substitutes such as cardboard and sawdust. I skip this aisle because I'm not rich enough to have dietary restrictions. Ever notice that you don't meet poor people with special diet needs? A gluten intolerant house cleaner? A cab driver with Candida? Candida is what I call a rich, white person problem. You know you've really made it in this world when you get Candida. My personal theory is that Candida is something you get from too much hot yoga. All I'm saying is if I were a yeast, I would want to live in your yoga pants.

Next I approach the beauty aisle. There is a scary looking machine there that you put your face inside of and it tells you exactly how ugly you are. They calculate your wrinkles, sun spots, the size of your pores, etc. and compare it to other women your age. I think of myself attractive but as it turns out, I am 78 percent ugly, meaning less pretty than 78 percent of women in the world. On the popular 1-10 hotness scale used by males the world over, that makes me a 3 (if you round up, which I hope you will.) A glance at the extremely close-up picture they took of my face, in which I somehow have a glorious, blond porn mustache, tells me that 3 is about right. Especially because the left side of my face is apparently 20 percent more aged than the right. Fantastic. After contemplating ending it all here and now, I decide instead to buy their product. One bottle of delicious smelling, silky feeling creme that is maybe going to raise me from a 3 to a 4 for only $108 which is a pretty good deal when you think about it.

I grab a handful of peanut butter pretzels on my way out of this stupid aisle. I don't feel bad about pilfering these bites because of the umpteen times that I've overpaid at the salad bar and been tricked into buying $108 beauty creams. The pretzels are very fattening but I'm already in the seventieth percentile of ugly so who cares.

Next I come to the vitamin aisle which is a danger zone for any broke hypochondriac. Warning: Whole Foods keeps their best people in this section. Although you think she's a homeless person at first, that vitamin clerk is an ex-pharmaceuticals sales rep. Today she talks me into buying estrogen for my mystery mustache and Women's Acidophilus because apparently I DO have Candida after all.

I move on to the next isle and ask the nearest Whole Foods clerk for help. He's wearing a visor inside and as if that weren't douchey enough, it has one word on it in all caps. Yup, NAMASTE. I ask him where I can find whole wheat bread. He chuckles at me "Oh, we keep the poison in aisle 7." Based solely on the attitudes of people sporting namaste paraphernalia today, I'd think it was Sanskrit for "go fuck yourself."

I pass the table where the guy invites me to join a group cleanse he's leading. For $179.99 I can not-eat not-alone... not-gonna-happen. They're doing the cleanse where you consume nothing but lemon juice, cayenne pepper and fiber pills for 10 days, what's that one called again? Oh, yeah...anorexia. I went on a cleanse once; it was a mixed blessing. On the one hand, I detoxified, I purified, I lost weight. On the other hand, I fell asleep on the highway, fantasized about eating a pigeon, and crapped my pants. I think I'll stick with the whole eating thing.

I grab a couple of loaves of poison, and head to checkout. The fact that I'm at Whole Foods on a Sunday finally sinks in when I join the end of the line...halfway down the dog food aisle. I suddenly realize that I'm dying to get out of this store. Maybe it's the lonely feeling of being a carnivore in a sea of vegans, or the newfound knowledge that some people's dogs eat better than I do, but mostly I think it's the fact that Yani has been playing literally this entire time. Like sensory deprivation, listening to Yani seems harmless at first, enjoyable even. But two hours in, you'll chew your own ear off to make it stop.

A thousand minutes later, I get to the cashier. She is 95 percent beautiful. "Have you brought your reusable bags?" Fuck. No, they are at home with their 2 dozen once-used friends. She rings up my meat, alcohol, gluten and a wrapper from the chocolate bar I ate in line, with thinly veiled alarm. She scans my ladies acidophilus, gives me a pitying frown and whispers, "Ya know, if you wanna get rid of your Candida, you should stop feeding it." She rings me up for $313. I resist the urge to unwrap and swallow whole another $6 truffle in protest. Barely. Instead, I reach for my wallet, flash her a quiet smile and say, "Namaste."
 

jnoble

Lingering longer for a longering linger
Dec 4, 2005
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#21
Yeah, because their consumers dying is really going to help the food industry. It's fucking idiotic.

I also love the argument that "cancer rates are higher than ever". No they're not... medicine is better at diagnosing cancer, and people are living long enough to get it in higher numbers. It's the cost of a long life. When people died at 40, less people had cancer because, well, they died at 40.
People who buy into a cause lock stock and barrel are oblivious to anything that contradicts it and believe without question any stat that supports it. Whole Foods is one of the biggest shams going that preys on hipster douchbags and gullible liberal white people. I want to work there just so I can get on the PA and address the store with "Attention suckers..."
 
Oct 4, 2004
6,394
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#25
I go to Whole Foods when I want something that the cheaper, closer Smith's doesn't. I like the idea of organic foods and farmers markets, but no matter how much better their produce may be, people aren't going to go out of their way to pay higher prices for them, for the most part.

I'll say this, too -- what was Opie saying last week about peanut allergies? I see people needing gluten-free this and allergy that at my restaurant all the time. Where were these health issues 30 years ago?