Fuck you skin cancer


South Dakota
Skin cancer, you can go fuck yourself in your fat cancer hole and stay the fuck out of my life until the end of time.

My wife had two of suspicious looking spots surgically removed on December 28, 2011. One on her right shoulder and one on her right forearm. The Dr. called her on the evening of January 3, 2012. A Dr. never calls with good news in the evening. Pathology reports from both spots were done. Both of them malignant.


I was at a basketball game with one of our kids when she got the news. She sent me a text asking me to come home but the steel hull of that building eliminates cell reception inside completely and I did not leave the game for about an hour after she sent that text. She was a mess when we got home.

When your wife tells you she has cancer things inside of your head turn dark really fast. Holy smoking dog shit do they turn dark fast.

We met with the Dr. on January 7th to discuss the diagnosis. There are three kinds of skin cancer: basal cell carcinoma, squamous cell carcinoma, and melanoma. Melanoma is the one you don't want anything to do with and, of course, she was diagnosed with melanoma.

Double fuck.

So we go through all of the fucked up mental shit that you go through after receiving a melanoma diagnosis. During that time we were fortunate enough to set up appointments on relatively short notice for surgery and oncology consults on January 13th with surgery tentatively scheduled on January 17th. Given the size and depth of the spot on her shoulder the surgeon told us that a 2 centimeter tolerance was recommended to remove any potentially impacted tissue. What that meant is an area with a radius of 2 centimeters would have to be surgically removed. A poker chip has a radius of about 2 centimeters.

So my wife needed to have a poker chip sized chunk of skin removed from her shoulder. Unfortunately a circle does not lend itself well to being closed cleanly with stitches so the surgeon told her he would be removing an oval shaped piece approximately 3 times longer than it is wide in order to close everything as cleanly as possible. Feh. The oncologist agreed with the surgical removal of surrounding tissue as the recommended next treatment step and the January 17th surgery date was set.

Side note: the surgeon is a really nice guy in his late 30s while the oncologist is in his late 50s with the personality of a snapping turtle/badger hybrid.

Surgery was completed on the 17th as planned and the good folks at the hospital gave my wife some fantastic drugs to get her through the anxiety. Versed...if you are keeping score at home. This may be one of the best drugs ever made. She went from being on edge to snoozing within 5 minutes after a dose of versed.

Spoke with the surgeon for a couple of minutes after the surgery was complete. He drew a picture of the size and shape of the tissue he removed from her shoulder and it was about 9 centimeters long and 3 centimeters wide. 5 lymph nodes were removed from her right armpit as well. These lymph nodes were removed for testing to determine if the cancer had spread. No skin grafting was required to close the wounds and we were home that evening by 7:00 pm. They gave her a newly released pain medication called nucynta that takes care of her pain, causes drowsiness and puts whatever it is that causes you to dream into high gear.

She talks in her sleep a lot after taking a 50 mg nucynta.

We received the pathology reports from the removed lymph nodes on January 19th. All of the results were clear. The cancer had not spread.

You have no idea how much of a relief this news was.

Now, she is recovering at home for the next week or two from the surgery. Miserable and uncomfortable in general but without the worry of additional cancer treatments hanging over her head.

No chemotherapy. No radiation. No additional treatment required.

So, skin cancer, you can go and fuck yourself.


Godspeed on her recovery.

And don't take the Nucynta for longer then a few weeks. The withdrawl is hell.


PR representative for Drunk Whiskeyguy.
Great to hear it was caught in time. Surgery and recover suck but they're better than the alternative.


Well-Known Member
God bless and good luck. Sorry for your troubles, but at least it sounds like the worst is in your rear view.


Lying causes cat piss smell.
Nucynta is what they hand you when you have a newborn daughter.



Posts mostly from the shitter.
Good luck to you and your wife sir. My sister had me in a panic now after telling her at dinner I have a scab on my head that won't heal after several months. She said I better get it checked for cancer. Thanks for that.

Sent from my PC36100 using Tapatalk


Good luck and glad to hear she's going to be ok.


Humor is reason gone mad
Best of luck o her. I hope they got it all in time!
My dad went through the same thing, but he's doing better now, too. Now I get a skin check every year.


PR representative for Drunk Whiskeyguy.
My dad went through the same thing, but he's doing better now, too. Now I get a skin check every year.
I had four moles removed in high school but like a moron haven't been checked in eight years... and I have a couple odd looking ones also. I really need to get in there sometime in the next six months... but I wanted to see if I get a job with better health insurance after I graduate first.


South Dakota
Thank to all for the nice words.

All is well with my wife. Other than visiting an oncologist and dermatologist a few times each year, no additional treatments are needed. We got really lucky and caught her skin cancer before it spread. She has healed well from her surgery and returned to work this week.

As draining as the last month has been - things could have been much, much worse.

About a year and a half back we signed up for Aflac cancer insurance. Aflac rules. Extremely inexpensive and something we won't be without from this point forward. Should cover a good part of our out of pocket expenses for these cancer related treatments.