Fuck you to the cocksucking bucket of jizz who stole my fucking phone tonight. I'm 99% sure it was our waiter because I forgot it on the table at dinner and there wasn't anyone else sitting near us when we left, so I'm assuming that fucking prick took it when he grabbed his tip after we left. I guess putting it in you lost and found would've been too easy, huh? We were the most polite customers in the fucking world and tipped you over 20% and you had to keep my phone instead of turning it in, you worthless piece of shit. I hope you get stiffed by every fucking customer you wait on from now on and then die of AIDS while your dog eats your face if that phone doesn't turn up tomorrow when I stop by.