Fuck you, tummy ache

Cunt Smasher

Caligula Jr.
Aug 26, 2005
13,289
3,952
563
#1
There's a bug going around, I finally caught it. Squirting shits, fever, chills, night sweats, and puking. Ugggh, my asshole feels like I used it as a volcano. Not pleasant at all, immodium doesnt work, either. I want my mommy.
 

whiskeyguy

PR representative for Drunk Whiskeyguy.
Donator
Jan 12, 2010
36,424
22,058
398
Northern California
#3
There's a bug going around, I finally caught it. Squirting shits, fever, chills, night sweats, and puking. Ugggh, my asshole feels like I used it as a volcano. Not pleasant at all, immodium doesnt work, either. I want my mommy.
I keep some anti-diarrheal in my first aid kit for when I'm camping... that stuff usually works for me. The Kirkland (Costco) brand stuff is pretty good. Should take care of one end, and more importantly it gives you the confidence to drink massive amounts of liquid again, which will help with everything else.
 

jnoble

Lingering longer for a longering linger
Dec 4, 2005
8,513
4,217
566
New Jersey
#4
at the least be glad that you can be sick at home. Nothing worse than having ass-volcano eruptions while at someone else's house or on vacation etc. There's comfort in stinking up your own bathroom without shame or embarrassment.
 

THE FEZ MAN

as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
Aug 23, 2002
42,199
9,465
848
#5
nothing worse than a burning asshole
 

Creasy Bear

gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh
Donator
Mar 10, 2006
48,750
36,889
628
In a porn tree
#7
Throw some kimchi into the mix and see where that takes you. Don't pussyfoot around... put a match to that powder keg and blow the mess right out of you.
 

THE FEZ MAN

as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
Aug 23, 2002
42,199
9,465
848
#8
Throw some kimchi into the mix and see where that takes you. Don't pussyfoot around... put a match to that powder keg and blow the mess right out of you.
you are an evil man. last time i ate kimchi i had explosive shits and the most horrific gas ive had since my x wife fed me kielbasa and sour kraut that she over cooked and i ate too much of it, i shit so much that night that i fell asleep on the toilet after ruining a pair of boxers
 

Cunt Smasher

Caligula Jr.
Aug 26, 2005
13,289
3,952
563
#9
I just had explosive pepto shits, rocket powered black shit that made the water splash up and get my ass wet. Tummy feels a bit better, not peeing out of my butt anymore, but only eating once a day. Think I'll be fine in a couple days.

Speaking of shit stories, in about 1978, my buddies dad was the manager of the theater, so we used to go all the time, and once when we went there was a dude looked like Stephen Hawking, and my friend went in the bathroom right after wheelchair guy comes out, then he came running out looking a bit odd. He takes me in to go look, and there was shit on the floor, and a turd about a foot long hanging over the toilet seat both outside and inside the bowl. One of the grossest things I ever saw, and mysterious how it was accomplished.