Funny Work Experiences

Party Rooster

Unleash The Beast
Apr 27, 2005
40,304
7,454
438
The Inland Empire State
#1
I was watching Leno today to get to the Jimmy bit and he had a joke during "Headlines" about a gross menu item and said, "I'll just have the salad..." After working in restaurants for years, I KNOW that the salad is not necessarily the safest option:

I was waiting on three mid-20's women in a decent upscale restaurant and one of them just wanted our famous Caesar salad, but as a dinner to be served with the other two's entrees.

T)
N
U
U
U
C
(Cheap

For people not in the know, usually restaurants buy their dressings and such in huger than Costco size containers and pour them into more manageable containers to work with. At the end of the night, these smaller containers get wrapped with plastic and are brought out the next day.

So these three chicks are part of the early crowd and the one with the Caesar happens to be first up and the 4 inch square of plastic wrap gets inadvertantly served in her salad. Naturally no one notices except her, when she pulls up her fork and screams, "EEEWWWW!!!" I turn around and it looks exactly what she thought it was, a big used condom soaked and on top of her salad. I run over and attempt to show her that it was just plastic, to no avail. Needless to say, they got all their meals comped, but I'll never forget that scream or the priceless look on her face!
 
Feb 20, 2007
1,082
0
141
#2
I dropped a 32 inch tv from 20-30 feet in the air in the warehouse at circuit city off the fork lift. The manager duct taped it and put it back on the shelf. I dunno if someone bought it. LOL OMGLOLROLF
 

norton23

Opie And Anthony Always Win In The End
Dec 1, 2002
8,998
3
0
TITLE TOWN BABY!!!
#3
Man came into the gym wearing a cowboy hat,,,I was taking somebodys evening shift because they couldn't make it in so I had never seen him before. He goes into a class, (from my expierence mostly women take classes, unless it's yoga and even then there's only a few men). The class begins and I look in and the guy is jumping around and REALLY getting into it, he's wearing spandex, shorts etc the whole nine, anyway, the music in the background is some Christina Augulera stuff or something allong those lines. At one point the class breaks so the ladies can cool down before the next part, and he's yelling "WOOOO," and clapping his hands, pumping his fists "GREAT WORKOUT SO FAR," and another "WOOOOO!!!" "YEA!!"

I almost shit myself
 

thelord68

There's always time for lubricant
Feb 24, 2003
1,277
0
0
Palm Beach Gardens, FL
#5
I arrived at work (a broadcasting company) early one morning to make business calls to Europe. I unlocked the front door, which entered into the waiting room, and was hit with the smell of pot and alcohol.

I flipped on the lights and noticed what I thought was a girl sleeping on one of the couches. I walked over to wake her up to make sure she was OK. Upon rolling over, I realized it was a very wasted Angus Young. I got him some coffee and went to my office to make my calls. As people started arriving for work, nearly everyone stopped by my office to ask me why Angus Young was sleeping in the waiting room.
 

cozzie

head retard
Aug 7, 2005
1,482
1
176
Norristown PA
#7
I used to work as a bartender, just a beer joint. One night a woman came in and sat at the bar and ordered a beer. She was 40ish, maybe 250lbs, rode hard and put up soaking. She had on a jacket, that was zipped up, anyway after 3 beers, off comes the jacket. She was facing me and all I saw was a see fishnet type shirt , showing off some AAA tities. They looked like an abortion that might be considered over easy eggs. After another beer , she turned around, and poked her chest out, so the whole world could see. Four people came up to order beers, saw this disaster and moved over then ordered. She kept trying to ask the men if the wanted to play with her titties, everyone ignored her. Finally after i quit laughing , I walked around to the other side of the bar and told the lady to turn around & drink her beer and quit showing her "TITS". She left after that, but she gave me a $50 tip with here phone # on the bill
 

fkornre

Boogity Boogity Boogity...Let's go racing boys...
Nov 4, 2006
1,744
0
0
monroe twp, nj
#8
i have many but one that comes to mind is when i was a mechanic working at strauss in one day i had 2 great moments...the first one was when i was driving a dodge conversion van onto the alignment rack with no assistance i drove off the rack and the van was sitting sideways between the lift next to me and the alignment rack...it took 3 hours to get the van onto the lift but luckily the customer went shopping and never knew...

the second happened later at night when a guy brought in his brand new chrysler something...it was so new we did not even carry the oil filter for it...but he had one cause he was too cheap to let the dealer change it...so i drain the pan and change the filter...pump in 5 quarts of oil and start her up...UH OH...the oil comes gushing out the bottom and the customer was right there to see...i shut the car off and raise it back up...the old filter left the ring on the block and i did not notice so i added the new filter with the old ring still there...the gap was so huge...that customer was pissed not to mention i got oil all over his undercarriage...
 

sued

Now you know
Sep 2, 2004
953
0
276
Montclair.NJ
#10
It must be a joke. Even I know who Angus is. He is legendary. Would some say one of the best in his league?
 

AngryPest

Registered User
Mar 3, 2005
583
5
433
#11
A buddy of mine at work just found out he has to fly to a meeting down south. He has to sit next to a pretty senior guy in the company. He has never met him.

The problem is my friend is very afraid to fly and the boss will test his knowledge during the whole flight. The big boss is a total prick and is from India.

After hearing this today I told him I had the solution to his problem. He needs to slip three books into the boss’s carry-on luggage. They should have plenty of sticky notes attached.

· The Koran.
· A flight manual for a passenger jet.
· A book on close quarter hand-to-hand combat.

My friend gets to finish the trip in peace and the boss goes to Guantanamo.
 

THE FEZ MAN

as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
Aug 23, 2002
41,300
8,971
768
#12
oh i can go on and on, but i have to go fuck up my other computer check out my FU boss thread for some great shenanigans
 

Lil'GlubGlub

You may call me Chef Glub
Sep 3, 2004
2,164
305
578
near philly
#13
I was watching Leno today to get to the Jimmy bit and he had a joke during "Headlines" about a gross menu item and said, "I'll just have the salad..." After working in restaurants for years, I KNOW that the salad is not necessarily the safest option:

I was waiting on three mid-20's women in a decent upscale restaurant and one of them just wanted our famous Caesar salad, but as a dinner to be served with the other two's entrees.

T)
N
U
U
U
C
(Cheap

For people not in the know, usually restaurants buy their dressings and such in huger than Costco size containers and pour them into more manageable containers to work with. At the end of the night, these smaller containers get wrapped with plastic and are brought out the next day.

So these three chicks are part of the early crowd and the one with the Caesar happens to be first up and the 4 inch square of plastic wrap gets inadvertantly served in her salad. Naturally no one notices except her, when she pulls up her fork and screams, "EEEWWWW!!!" I turn around and it looks exactly what she thought it was, a big used condom soaked and on top of her salad. I run over and attempt to show her that it was just plastic, to no avail. Needless to say, they got all their meals comped, but I'll never forget that scream or the priceless look on her face!
dude, I had a burger at a restaurant the other night, and about 3/4 of the way through. I found a bread bag clip melted and curled under my cheese.

the waitress came over and asked how my food was and I showed her the bread clip and she was like Oh my god, I'll get a manager.

I told them I understand things do happen( I am a Cook), but the manager wouldn't stop apoligizing and kept offering stuff to eat, drink, or take home, plus took the burger off the check.
 

THE FEZ MAN

as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
Aug 23, 2002
41,300
8,971
768
#14
i have two today, hell all day every day is a new experience......
i sent my boss to "harbor freight" (its a tool store, its like heaven for people that like to build shit and buy tools, yea most of them are junk chinese shit but they work http://www.harborfreight.com/ ) he was sent there to purchace a welding blanket, now he has been in the buisness for 40 years, and had no idea why we would need one, he calls me up from the store, and tells me all they have is "safety wool blankets" when i told him that those were fine because wool doesn't burn, ( it burns but not quickly or well). he refused to believe me, and called the other guy that i work with and asked him. when he brought them back to the shop i pulled one out and put my lighter to it, just to prove it to him, he just walked away
 

Party Rooster

Unleash The Beast
Apr 27, 2005
40,304
7,454
438
The Inland Empire State
#15
Man came into the gym wearing a cowboy hat...

...At one point the class breaks so the ladies can cool down before the next part, and he's yelling "WOOOO," and clapping his hands, pumping his fists "GREAT WORKOUT SO FAR," and another "WOOOOO!!!" "YEA!!"

I almost shit myself
You have to be in pretty good shape to pull this off...

 

Hudson

Supreme Champion!!!!!
Donator
Jan 14, 2002
32,840
4,566
898
Land of misfit toys
#16
Well I have alot but probably my favorite was the young woman I was coaching in college..now it is customary for for women to pull the suit straps down under their armpits, or put on a top and pull it down to their waist, since competition suits are really tight. Well this young lady walks up to me after her race to discuss it. While I am talking to her she takes her straps, pulls them off her shoulders and takes the suit down to her waist. DAMN, THAT WAS ONE TIGHT SUIT! ...I looked at the ground and pointed at her and said "you might want to cover those up". Well she had nothing near her and started to panic.. but my captain jumped up with a towel and covered her. My entire team saw it, the athletic director saw it, and I got razzed about it until the end of the season..At the end of the year Athletic department dinner the Atheletic Director remarked.."Sometimes I wonder how many times we see something truly fantastic at a sporting event...well this year I can assure you, at least One coach did!" The entire room burst into laughter..I was mortified.
 
Jun 2, 2005
15,516
4
0
Dallas
#18
Well I have alot but probably my favorite was the young woman I was coaching in college..now it is customary for for women to pull the suit straps down under their armpits, or put on a top and pull it down to their waist, since competition suits are really tight. Well this young lady walks up to me after her race to discuss it. While I am talking to her she takes her straps, pulls them off her shoulders and takes the suit down to her waist. DAMN, THAT WAS ONE TIGHT SUIT! ...I looked at the ground and pointed at her and said "you might want to cover those up". Well she had nothing near her and started to panic.. but my captain jumped up with a towel and covered her. My entire team saw it, the athletic director saw it, and I got razzed about it until the end of the season..At the end of the year Athletic department dinner the Atheletic Director remarked.."Sometimes I wonder how many times we see something truly fantastic at a sporting event...well this year I can assure you, at least One coach did!" The entire room burst into laughter..I was mortified.
Was she hot?
 

Mule Spanker

I like to smack my junk around like it owes me $$$
Jul 31, 2006
312
0
0
Ashland, MA
#19
My first year out of college I got a sales job in the Boston area. The senior sales person in the office was a 45 year old MILF who not only had a great ass but could sell like nobody's fucking business. She knew her shit and was an amazing closer.

She took me under her wing and became my mentor - I learned a lot from her. We ended up going on an overnight sales call to DC to meet with a prospect. The thing of it was, it wasn't a sales call at all. She fly me to DC, on the company's dime, to fuck my brains out and fuck my brains out she did.

This went on for 6 months. Being a good soldier I kept my mouth shut. I knew better than to open my trap and ruuuuin a good thing.

One day I got called into the big boss's office. He's all serious. Sits me down and says, "I understand you've been fucking my wife. Get your shit and get the fuck out of here."

Best job ever!
 

SurlyTruckDrivr

You've got a friend in WDTv2.0
Apr 28, 2005
4,975
0
441
Westport, Mass
#24
I was a bagger working at Stop and Shop when I was just out of high school, I saw an old man shit himself on line.