Goldfish Cracker is a Prophet

Lord Zero

Viciously Silly
Aug 25, 2008
54,127
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#1
I knew Goldfish were a gift from God.

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sidesho...-sign-god-her-goldfish-cracker-191857159.html
Yahoo News said:
Florida woman finds ‘sign from God’ on Goldfish cracker

By Eric Pfeiffer, Yahoo! News | The Sideshow20 hrs ago


Patti Burke now keeps her "sign from God" inside an earring case (Florida Today)


It’s a fishy story, but the woman telling it believes it's pure gold. The Florida resident says the markings she found on a Goldfish cracker are a direct message affirming her Christian faith.

“I believe that it’s a sign, a sign from God,” Patti Burke told WKMG. “He is still in our life every day, and he wants to show that to his people.”

It's not quite manna, but in Burke's eyes it's a manifestation of her faith.

The cracker in question has two markings, or imperfections, on its surface. Burke says the first marking is of a cross with a circle around it. The second marking, near the head of the fish, represents a golden crown.

“When I picked this one up, I knew he was special,” she said. “Something I've never seen before out of all the Goldfish I've eaten.”

Burke admittedly has been working from a large sample size, consuming between two and three pounds of the crackers per week. She says she eats the small crackers individually, examining each one for the optimal amount of savory coating.

Burke now carries her special cracker in an earring box padded with gauze. But she wasn't immediately convinced it was a sign from God. At first, she thought maybe she had won a special promotion from cracker manufacturer Pepperidge Farm.

“They called me back and said there’s no way this could have been printed like that in the factory,” Burke told KSAT. “They said it sounds like something miraculous happened and we don’t know how it happened.”

(That comment has not been confirmed by Pepperidge Farm.)

No one can say exactly when people started seeing notable figures in their food, but it’s a phenomenon that has made headlines in the modern era. Last year, a Nebraska woman sold a Chicken McNugget on eBay for $8,100 after becoming convinced it contained the visage of George Washington.

After becoming convinced that the cracker in fact possessed a deeper, spiritual message, Burke brought her sign of faith to her pastor, D. Scott Worth.

“I think it’s a sign,” Worth told WKMG. “I think it points to, I would hesitate to call it a miracle, but I think it points to the miracle, which is Jesus Christ defeated death. And that’s what Easter is all about.”

Of course, not every piece of food contains divine inspiration. Just pray you don’t end up with a toaster possessed by the Devil.
 

LiddyRules

I'm Gonna Be The Bestest Pilot In The Whole Galaxy
Jun 1, 2005
141,477
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#2
That looks more like a plus sign than a cross to me. Also, who looks at Goldfish when they are eating them?

“I think it’s a sign,” Worth told WKMG. “I think it points to, I would hesitate to call it a miracle, but I think it points to the miracle, which is Jesus Christ defeated death. And that’s what Easter is all about.”
Maybe I'm giving too much credit to this guy, but I think he realizes this woman's a fool.
 

fletcher

Darkness always says hello.
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Feb 20, 2006
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#3
It looks like it got pressed against a screw before it was baked. I cant stand these kinds of simplistic dickholes.
 

Lord Zero

Viciously Silly
Aug 25, 2008
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#6
Now we know why Goldfish smile; because Christ has risen.
 

whiskeyguy

PR representative for Drunk Whiskeyguy.
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Jan 12, 2010
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#8
So in the year ~30 A.D., when people were much less skeptical about religion, God felt it necessary to raise Jesus from the dead in order to prove his existence... a pretty substantial miracle.

In 2013, which people are extremely skeptical, he decides a vague imprint on a children's cracker is sufficient. Got it.
 

Neckbeard

I'm Team Piggy!
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Oct 26, 2011
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#9
I know it is stereotypical, but they are nice when you're stoned. Never knew that they were the messengers of Christ, though.
 

ShooterMcGavin

Go back to your shanties.
May 25, 2005
18,028
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#11
She believes in the divine qualities of a fish yet not evolution.
 

gleet

What's black and white and red all over?
Jul 24, 2005
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#12
 

Party Rooster

Unleash The Beast
Apr 27, 2005
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#15
The real miracle workers are the folks at Pepperidge Farms. They can turn a pound of leavened dough into hundreds of fish. Hallelujah!
 

SatansCheerledr

Ideologically Unsound
Apr 6, 2005
15,113
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#17
Who in their right mind would want to be within a hundred miles of anyone who believes they can do any fucked up thing they want, say, "sorry jebus," and everything is cool?
 

Lord Zero

Viciously Silly
Aug 25, 2008
54,127
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373
Atlanta, GA
#18
Who in their right mind would want to be within a hundred miles of anyone who believes they can do any fucked up thing they want, say, "sorry jebus," and everything is cool?
It's a bit more involved than that. One has to be sincerely contrite in order to be absolved of their sins.
 

Neckbeard

I'm Team Piggy!
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Oct 26, 2011
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#20
AC is trying to deceive us and take us to Hell with all the other deviants that defile the marriage bed.
 

Neckbeard

I'm Team Piggy!
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Oct 26, 2011
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#24
Makes me think of this...

 

Chino Kapone

Yo, whats wrong wit da beer we got?
Jun 10, 2005
16,959
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608
#25
To me, these vanilla cupcake and smores ones are more of a sign from god that what that stupid bitch found.