Got a Gopher in my yard

SwimConnerSwim

O&A Token Midget
Feb 20, 2007
1,260
1
218
New Jersey
#1
The other day I spotted the bastard marching across my back yard. I'm pretty sure he is living under my shed. Any tips on how to get rid of it? The houses are pretty close togther where I live so heavy artilery is out. I have two pellet guns that take a .177 pellet. Would that do the trick? I want this fucker gone so it can't dig up my yard. Any and all suggestions welcome.
 

Mommadeez4u

Bastard coated bastard w/ bastard filling
Mar 26, 2005
4,039
909
608
Washington, DC
#4
Playing for keeps? I guess it's just a matter of pumping several thousand gallons of water down there to teach him a little bit of a lesson!

 

Sinn Fein

Infidel and White Interloper
Wackbag Staff
Aug 29, 2002
31,567
2,217
898
Florida's Nature Coast
#5
Just go buy some mothballs and spread them out under/around your shed. He will relocate himself quickly, as they hate the smell.

Used cat litter works too. We had a monster groundhog living under our shed and I started dumping the used cat litter under there (we use Swheat Scoop - it's just ground up wheat - so it breaks down pretty fast). The smell of cat shit/piss makes them think the area is overrun with predators and they make a hasty retreat. That got rid of him. About 6 months later, a much smaller one made the mistake of coming into our yard and became a victim of our two dogs.
 

WonkaVision

To my Friends!!! To My Friends!!!
Sep 5, 2005
3,059
1
236
HOUSTON
#8
Play "I'm Allright" and watch him dance.
 

Sprite

permanent case of the Moooondays
Apr 27, 2005
3,834
2
0
Jersey
#9
Just go Zelda on it!!!
 

d0uche_n0zzle

**Negative_Creep**
Sep 15, 2004
46,806
6,920
763
F.U.B.A.R
#11
Three bucks of gasoline and box of wood matches should do it just right.
 

Budyzir

There's nothing quite like a shorn scrotum.
Nov 12, 2004
7,307
1
0
Queens, NY
#12
Posted at 4:00 pm;
The other day I spotted the bastard marching across my back yard. I'm pretty sure he is living under my shed. Any tips on how to get rid of it? The houses are pretty close togther where I live so heavy artilery is out. I have two pellet guns that take a .177 pellet. Would that do the trick? I want this fucker gone so it can't dig up my yard. Any and all suggestions welcome.
Replied to at 4:00 PM;
I know a guy named Carl Speckler, maybe he can help you.
When I opened this thread I expected as much. :icon_bigg
 

NotSoFast

Registered User
Apr 23, 2006
5,069
2,702
498
Thibodaux, LA USA
#17
I have two pellet guns that take a .177 pellet. Would that do the trick?
Maybe it you pumped it up about 30 times and put the muzzle against his head and pulled the trigger.

Try a real gun. Won't take much. A good .22 caliber would scatter his brains across your yard. Good fertilizer, too.
 

d0uche_n0zzle

**Negative_Creep**
Sep 15, 2004
46,806
6,920
763
F.U.B.A.R
#20
The shed is protecting those evil-doer gophers and as such, must go.

We will hunt them down no matter where they relocate in the world. This war against gopher terrorism will last ten to twenty years, maybe more. We can not let this evil rest until we have eradicated them evil-doers and the evil they do.

Godspeed on your mission.
 
Dec 25, 2005
10,005
172
513
NJ
#21
The shed is protecting those evil-doer gophers and as such, must go.

We will hunt them down no matter where they relocate in the world. This war against gopher terrorism will last ten to twenty years, maybe more. We can not let this evil rest until we have eradicated them evil-doers and the evil they do.

Godspeed on your mission.
In that case, I hope the foundation of the house is solid...

Go with the shock & awe/scorched earth tactic! Make us proud!

(If I we're in the middle of a divorce, I may actually do it.)
 

tattered

Uber-Aryan
Wackbag Staff
Aug 22, 2002
24,317
8,623
918
JERZ
#22
The other day I spotted the bastard marching across my back yard. I'm pretty sure he is living under my shed. Any tips on how to get rid of it? The houses are pretty close togther where I live so heavy artilery is out. I have two pellet guns that take a .177 pellet. Would that do the trick? I want this fucker gone so it can't dig up my yard. Any and all suggestions welcome.
you sure it just wasnt one of ur baby pictures laying in the grass?
 

tattered

Uber-Aryan
Wackbag Staff
Aug 22, 2002
24,317
8,623
918
JERZ
#23
What good is a pint of gas gonna do? :haha7:
squat bottle.....how else are u gonna chase a flamming gopher and keep putting gas on it......done it with my friends before.....except we threw and m80 in the hole and then filled it with gas with a nice lil line of gas leading pretty far away.....match....BOOM