Had a Jimmy Moment Today

Ren5150

Linger Longerer
#1
Working in a new office for a while now. COming out of my shell to be the usual asswipe I am. So a woman is talking about another co-worker who is dumping on her with her problems about her kids, life etc. So they laugh a bit and say out loud "what does she want me to do" I absent mindedly say "Pack the family in a truck and drive that fucker into the river".

SILENCE.

Crowd of 3 others dissolves and walk away.

Wow.

Forgot I dont really know these people and perhaps that type of humor is a bit much for them at this point.
 

skione

OA Fan From Way Back!
#2
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!














god I can relate
 

cozzie

head retard
#3
well at least 1 fat fucking cunt won't talk to you
 

FU_Money

Registered User
#5
Working in a new office for a while now. COming out of my shell to be the usual asswipe I am. So a woman is talking about another co-worker who is dumping on her with her problems about her kids, life etc. So they laugh a bit and say out loud "what does she want me to do" I absent mindedly say "Pack the family in a truck and drive that fucker into the river".

SILENCE.

Crowd of 3 others dissolves and walk away.

Wow.

Forgot I dont really know these people and perhaps that type of humor is a bit much for them at this point.

You didn't even get a tussel for that one?

Ponderous, fucking ponderous.:clap:
 

Newmania

**I move away from the mic to fuck your mother.
#6
I bite my tongue at work constantly. Alot of my non-close friends cringe at my jokes all the time. Just last weekend in front of a brand new mother I made a crib death joke. Yeah, she didn't laugh.
 

Hey_Asshole

Man, Beer, Wild
#8
I see nothing wrong with what you said, and I encourage you to do it again and again. Fuck em if they cant take a joke.

Of course you may offend someone, and they may call for your job. :icon_conf
 

topher520

learnings for queers
#9
You could have easily covered with "I'm just saying...":action-sm
Which is what I did when I told my boss and 3 other co workers that that Dakota Fanning looks like a good fuck.

Silence and an Ewwwww came out.

This was the day after I saw Jimmy live in Boston and thought it would be funny to toss in there. I used the Im just saying with a smile to let them all know it was a joke.
 
#10
You should have said, "No, but seriously, a lot of mothers have feelings of depression that make them want to harm their children..."
 

thetick130

Trying hard not to kill my dog
#11
when talking with people about bangable chicks, i occationally let out the ol'

"yeah, id definetly shit in her mouth"

response, awkward as hell
 

LucaBrazzi77

A towel's not a hat! A towel's not a hat!
#12
"I WAS ONLY JOKIN"

there - all better....
 

the_ba

Dierks! Get to the chopper! Daah ahhh!!
#14
I've had those thoughts in my head before, but I've always managed to keep them in at work. Most of the people where I work are older, married, and have kids... There are very few people at my work that actually know what kind of a sick fuck I really am. I would imagine a lot of you guys have the same thing going on at your jobs. And I always have to REALLY watch it when I'm out with people from work and get a couple of drinks in me. Especially if I'm around any clients or partners.
 
#15
I've been there too.

I've gotten deadpan silence when I've made jokes about the hotness of Dakota Fanning.
 

WhiskeyWhispers

I Want To Kill You All
#16
A while back I was fucking around at my job with a ball of tape. So the boss' son comes over, I stick the ball of tape under my shirt like I have one tit.
I say "Guess who I am?".
He stares blankly.
I say "Nancy Reagan" with a stupid smile on my face.
He isn't laughing, just staring at me for a good 30 seconds.
He replies, "My mother has breast cancer", and walks away.

Yeah, sometimes it's better to bite your tongue.
 

blackjacklily

The Black Cobra of WDT
#17
A while back I was fucking around at my job with a ball of tape. So the boss' son comes over, I stick the ball of tape under my shirt like I have one tit.
I say "Guess who I am?".
He stares blankly.
I say "Nancy Reagan" with a stupid smile on my face.
He isn't laughing, just staring at me for a good 30 seconds.
He replies, "My mother has breast cancer", and walks away.

Yeah, sometimes it's better to bite your tongue.
I would pay money to have seen that. I spit coffee all over my desk. Those awkward moments are the BEST!!!
 
#18
Working in a new office for a while now. COming out of my shell to be the usual asswipe I am. So a woman is talking about another co-worker who is dumping on her with her problems about her kids, life etc. So they laugh a bit and say out loud "what does she want me to do" I absent mindedly say "Pack the family in a truck and drive that fucker into the river".

SILENCE.

Crowd of 3 others dissolves and walk away.

Wow.

Forgot I dont really know these people and perhaps that type of humor is a bit much for them at this point.
I know what you mean.

Seems like every time I say "Fuck you, and fuck your mother..... whaddya think of them apples..." I get the same attitude.
 

skione

OA Fan From Way Back!
#19
A while back I was fucking around at my job with a ball of tape. So the boss' son comes over, I stick the ball of tape under my shirt like I have one tit.
I say "Guess who I am?".
He stares blankly.
I say "Nancy Reagan" with a stupid smile on my face.
He isn't laughing, just staring at me for a good 30 seconds.
He replies, "My mother has breast cancer", and walks away.

Yeah, sometimes it's better to bite your tongue.
OUCH!
 

Burger

Fuck ALL Forms of Censorship
#20
A while back I was fucking around at my job with a ball of tape. So the boss' son comes over, I stick the ball of tape under my shirt like I have one tit.
I say "Guess who I am?".
He stares blankly.
I say "Nancy Reagan" with a stupid smile on my face.
He isn't laughing, just staring at me for a good 30 seconds.
He replies, "My mother has breast cancer", and walks away.

Yeah, sometimes it's better to bite your tongue.
The best part of that story is that it was the boss's son.
 
#21
A while back I was fucking around at my job with a ball of tape. So the boss' son comes over, I stick the ball of tape under my shirt like I have one tit.
I say "Guess who I am?".
He stares blankly.
I say "Nancy Reagan" with a stupid smile on my face.
He isn't laughing, just staring at me for a good 30 seconds.
He replies, "My mother has breast cancer", and walks away.

Yeah, sometimes it's better to bite your tongue.


So...how's the new job going? :D
 

thetick130

Trying hard not to kill my dog
#22
So...how's the new job going? :D
let me guess.... imus style

Edit:
oh and just a few minutes ago i went online and the msn.com site came up, the big picture for the main article was of this fat bitch who died waiting in a lobby of a hospital because she was pretty much refused service..
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19207050/?GT1=10056
i laughed so fucking hard that people came over and asked what was going on. when i explained, they were confused and asked what was so funny about that
i relpied "that fat bitch should have died for having ZERO self control. possibly her family too for allowing this"
Needless to say there was just the sound of people walking away
 

Blu Swade

Vajayjay lover!
#25
I've really got to get out of the habit of telling my kids to Flush their XM radio down the toilet, buy a Sirius and go fuck there mother!
 
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