It's that time of year again! Have a safe and blessed Turkey Day, baggers!
Here's the proper way to fry a turkey...
-Set up your fryer out back on your wooden deck. You can save some strain on your back by putting the fryer up on a collapsible card table... then you won't have to do all that bending over.
-Actually... it looks like it's going to be cold as a bitch this year, so you'll probably want to go ahead and bring the whole rig inside and set it up in your living room. No reason to sit outside and freeze your balls off, right? Put down a good, thick layer of newspapers to protect the carpet from any little spills that may occur.
-Do NOT cover the hose from the LP tank to the fryer with aluminum foil... this is completely unnecessary.
-Get yourself good and drunk.
-Make sure there are children and household pets running around willy nilly in the area where you're cooking... togetherness adds to the fun.
-Fill your fryer pot right to the tippy top with oil... more oil, more better
-Light 'er up!
-No need to dethaw... a solidly frozen turkey will cook just fine.
-When the oil is scorching hot, gather the family around to share in the fun, and then drop your turkey right in... you'll want to get a good immersion, so drop the turkey from a good 6 to 9 feet above the fryer... use a step ladder. For safety, have a small child holding the base of the ladder to keep it steady.
-Be sure to have a big bucket of water on hand in case you have to douse any little flare-ups.
-Lastly (and most important)... make sure you have a good quality video camera set up to record the whole operation.
Wife got up at 7 am to go run the Turkey Trot 5k Downtown, we went from there to my mom's on the other side of town to say hi a few hours and eat a little, and we just got home so I could throw some casseroles in the oven and then head over to her family's house for dinner. I fucking hate splitting time all over town, and we don't even fucking have kids yet.
I ate a plate of fried turkey with all the fixins that had to have weighed 3lbs. I'm sitting on my couch listening to my digestive system work overtime. I predict a bowl clogging dump of epic proportions.