How To Be A More Effective Asshole

MJMANDALAY

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#1

1. Never respect anyone unless you're sure they could physically beat you up. This includes your own mother, police officers, teachers, the president, your boss and the Pope.

2. Criticize everything, no matter how mundane or pointless it may be. Example: "These fries aren't very fucking crispy!"

3. Always cut people off, whether you’re talking, driving, or having sex.

4. Flick cigarette butts at everything—all the time. Even if you don't smoke.

5. Call everyone you meet by the nickname "Chief." (Always roll your eyes when you say it.) Example: "Yeah, right, whatever you say Chief!" (ROLLS EYES) For extra emphasis, roll your eyes, say "Chief" and flick a cigarette butt at the same time.

6. Always precede the word "man" with either "little," "Mr.," or "old." Examples: "I don’t think you needed that skateboard Little Man, and that’s why I backed over it with my Camaro." "So, Old Man, why don’t you get up out of that wheelchair and MAKE ME!?" "No, I don’t have my license and registration, Mr. Man." (Notice: This is especially useful when speaking to someone you know can not beat you up.)

7. Noogie every small child you meet until they cry--including newborn babies.
 

CM Mark

The East is Ours!
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#2

1. Never respect anyone unless you're sure they could physically beat you up. This includes your own mother, police officers, teachers, the president, your boss and the Pope.

2. Criticize everything, no matter how mundane or pointless it may be. Example: "These fries aren't very fucking crispy!"

3. Always cut people off, whether you’re talking, driving, or having sex.

4. Flick cigarette butts at everything—all the time. Even if you don't smoke.

5. Call everyone you meet by the nickname "Chief." (Always roll your eyes when you say it.) Example: "Yeah, right, whatever you say Chief!" (ROLLS EYES) For extra emphasis, roll your eyes, say "Chief" and flick a cigarette butt at the same time.

6. Always precede the word "man" with either "little," "Mr.," or "old." Examples: "I don’t think you needed that skateboard Little Man, and that’s why I backed over it with my Camaro." "So, Old Man, why don’t you get up out of that wheelchair and MAKE ME!?" "No, I don’t have my license and registration, Mr. Man." (Notice: This is especially useful when speaking to someone you know can not beat you up.)

7. Noogie every small child you meet until they cry--including newborn babies.

8. Start numerous, pointless threads on a message board entitled wackbag.com
Fixed. :action-sm
 

CM Mark

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#5
Total Posts: 18,067 (17.81 posts per day)
Find all posts by CM Mark

pot kettle :action-sm
I said START threads. Not add to the insanity of said threads. I'm pretty sure you have started more threads than anyone else on this board. :action-sm
 
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#6
Nice thread, Chief.:rolleyes:
 

MJMANDALAY

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#7
I said START threads. Not add to the insanity of said threads. I'm pretty sure you have started more threads than anyone else on this board. :action-sm
1.SOS
2.Zagman76
3.MJMANDALAY



4. NOT EVEN CLOSE :icon_mrgr
 

MrAbovePar

En Taro Anthony
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#11
I must be an asshole practice tool because I swear I meet more assholes in a day then some people meet all month.
 

sobi

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#12
In addition to those, I would like to add "type in a yellow colored text on message boards"
 

blakesnake00

The name is Snake.
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#14
Holy shit my 14 yr old son must have written that like a year ago,he has now grown into one of the biggest assholes I have ever had the displeasure to meet.Sometimes I really think there is no way I helped make him.I knew I was a prick,but he has taken it to the next level.
 

THE FEZ MAN

as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
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#17
Holy shit my 14 yr old son must have written that like a year ago,he has now grown into one of the biggest assholes I have ever had the displeasure to meet.Sometimes I really think there is no way I helped make him.I knew I was a prick,but he has taken it to the next level.
punch that fucker in the balls, that will square his ass right away
 

Sprite

permanent case of the Moooondays
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#18
Addition....

"Shave your head, smoke cigars, and walk around acting as if you're the coolest motherfucker on the planet."

:action-sm
 

MJMANDALAY

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#19
Addition....

"Shave your head, smoke cigars, and walk around acting as if you're the coolest motherfucker on the planet."

:action-sm
1. Never respect anyone unless you're sure they could physically beat you up. This includes your own mother, police officers, teachers, the president, your boss and the Pope.

:action-sm
 

Sprite

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#20
I'll kick your ass.
























;)
 

THE FEZ MAN

as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
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#21
1. Never respect anyone unless you're sure they could physically beat you up. This includes your own mother, police officers, teachers, the president, your boss and the Pope.

:action-sm
does beat you up also get covered buy either biting an ear off or shoving a pen in ones eye?

never underestimate your opponent
 

LiddyRules

I'm Gonna Be The Bestest Pilot In The Whole Galaxy
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#22
8. Post those E-mail forwards everyone hates on a messageboard
 

Plunkies

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#23
That's really more of a douche bag than an asshole if you want to get technical.
 
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#24
be canadian
 
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