How To Be A More Effective Asshole

MJMANDALAY

Registered User
Jan 26, 2005
13,145
1
0
#1

1. Never respect anyone unless you're sure they could physically beat you up. This includes your own mother, police officers, teachers, the president, your boss and the Pope.

2. Criticize everything, no matter how mundane or pointless it may be. Example: "These fries aren't very fucking crispy!"

3. Always cut people off, whether you’re talking, driving, or having sex.

4. Flick cigarette butts at everything—all the time. Even if you don't smoke.

5. Call everyone you meet by the nickname "Chief." (Always roll your eyes when you say it.) Example: "Yeah, right, whatever you say Chief!" (ROLLS EYES) For extra emphasis, roll your eyes, say "Chief" and flick a cigarette butt at the same time.

6. Always precede the word "man" with either "little," "Mr.," or "old." Examples: "I don’t think you needed that skateboard Little Man, and that’s why I backed over it with my Camaro." "So, Old Man, why don’t you get up out of that wheelchair and MAKE ME!?" "No, I don’t have my license and registration, Mr. Man." (Notice: This is especially useful when speaking to someone you know can not beat you up.)

7. Noogie every small child you meet until they cry--including newborn babies.
 

CM Mark

The East is Ours!
Apr 13, 2005
27,472
856
513
Pretty Pretty Unicorn
#2

1. Never respect anyone unless you're sure they could physically beat you up. This includes your own mother, police officers, teachers, the president, your boss and the Pope.

2. Criticize everything, no matter how mundane or pointless it may be. Example: "These fries aren't very fucking crispy!"

3. Always cut people off, whether you’re talking, driving, or having sex.

4. Flick cigarette butts at everything—all the time. Even if you don't smoke.

5. Call everyone you meet by the nickname "Chief." (Always roll your eyes when you say it.) Example: "Yeah, right, whatever you say Chief!" (ROLLS EYES) For extra emphasis, roll your eyes, say "Chief" and flick a cigarette butt at the same time.

6. Always precede the word "man" with either "little," "Mr.," or "old." Examples: "I don’t think you needed that skateboard Little Man, and that’s why I backed over it with my Camaro." "So, Old Man, why don’t you get up out of that wheelchair and MAKE ME!?" "No, I don’t have my license and registration, Mr. Man." (Notice: This is especially useful when speaking to someone you know can not beat you up.)

7. Noogie every small child you meet until they cry--including newborn babies.

8. Start numerous, pointless threads on a message board entitled wackbag.com
Fixed. :action-sm
 
Nov 29, 2006
3,452
374
523
FL
#6
Nice thread, Chief.:rolleyes:
 

MJMANDALAY

Registered User
Jan 26, 2005
13,145
1
0
#7
I said START threads. Not add to the insanity of said threads. I'm pretty sure you have started more threads than anyone else on this board. :action-sm
1.SOS
2.Zagman76
3.MJMANDALAY



4. NOT EVEN CLOSE :icon_mrgr
 

MrAbovePar

En Taro Anthony
Mar 14, 2005
13,779
3,173
678
Covington. La
#11
I must be an asshole practice tool because I swear I meet more assholes in a day then some people meet all month.
 

sobi

Registered User
Mar 29, 2005
1,437
1
333
#12
In addition to those, I would like to add "type in a yellow colored text on message boards"
 

blakesnake00

The name is Snake.
Jun 5, 2005
658
2
253
peoria Il
#14
Holy shit my 14 yr old son must have written that like a year ago,he has now grown into one of the biggest assholes I have ever had the displeasure to meet.Sometimes I really think there is no way I helped make him.I knew I was a prick,but he has taken it to the next level.
 

THE FEZ MAN

as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
Aug 23, 2002
42,645
9,656
848
#17
Holy shit my 14 yr old son must have written that like a year ago,he has now grown into one of the biggest assholes I have ever had the displeasure to meet.Sometimes I really think there is no way I helped make him.I knew I was a prick,but he has taken it to the next level.
punch that fucker in the balls, that will square his ass right away
 

Sprite

permanent case of the Moooondays
Apr 27, 2005
3,834
2
0
Jersey
#18
Addition....

"Shave your head, smoke cigars, and walk around acting as if you're the coolest motherfucker on the planet."

:action-sm
 

MJMANDALAY

Registered User
Jan 26, 2005
13,145
1
0
#19
Addition....

"Shave your head, smoke cigars, and walk around acting as if you're the coolest motherfucker on the planet."

:action-sm
1. Never respect anyone unless you're sure they could physically beat you up. This includes your own mother, police officers, teachers, the president, your boss and the Pope.

:action-sm
 

THE FEZ MAN

as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
Aug 23, 2002
42,645
9,656
848
#21
1. Never respect anyone unless you're sure they could physically beat you up. This includes your own mother, police officers, teachers, the president, your boss and the Pope.

:action-sm
does beat you up also get covered buy either biting an ear off or shoving a pen in ones eye?

never underestimate your opponent
 

LiddyRules

I'm Gonna Be The Bestest Pilot In The Whole Galaxy
Jun 1, 2005
142,397
50,220
644
#22
8. Post those E-mail forwards everyone hates on a messageboard
 

Plunkies

Registered User
Jun 28, 2006
6,030
2,761
543
#23
That's really more of a douche bag than an asshole if you want to get technical.