Lab Riot - Post your science and engineering jokes here

Atomic Fireball

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Jul 26, 2005
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#1
Q: What do you call fifty black men with syphilis?

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A: The Control Group



See how easy? Now you try!
 

whiskeyguy

PR representative for Drunk Whiskeyguy.
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Jan 12, 2010
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#2
What do you call 50 black men with herpes?

Bufferrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Niggers
 

Atomic Fireball

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#3
Hmm tough crowd as usual


Bartender says "We don't serve your kind here."
A pair of tachyons walk into a bar.
 

Buster H

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Dec 6, 2004
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#4
Neutrino walks into a bar. Bartender asks "what'll it be?"

Neutrino replies "nothing, just passing through"
 

Buster H

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#5
An atom is crying and tells a friend he lost all his electrons. Friend replies "are you sure?"

Atom replies "I'M POSITIVE!!"
 

Buster H

Alt-F4
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Dec 6, 2004
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Lower Bucks Co, PA
#6
Neutron walks into a bar and orders a shot and a beer. After the bartender delivers it, he asks how much?

bartender: "for you? NO CHARGE'"
 

Neon

ネオン
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Mar 23, 2008
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#7
A cop stops Heisenberg for speeding. Cop says: "Do you know how fast you were going?" And Heisenberg says: "No, but I know exactly where I am."
 

Neon

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#8
Ever hear about the statistician who drowned in a pool? Its average depth was 6 inches.
 

BIV

I'm Biv Dick Black, the Over Poster.
Apr 22, 2002
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#9
Man says to a beam of light "are you sad?"
The beam says "nah, just moving toward you."
 

CM Mark

The East is Ours!
Apr 13, 2005
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Pretty Pretty Unicorn
#12
A Higgs Boson walked into a church. The pastor said, "Get out of here! We don't like your kind around here!" The Higgs responds, "Why? Without me you couldn't have mass."
 

Atomic Fireball

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#13
Laymen are so dumb they think Carbon-14 dating is illegal in 48 states
 

Atomic Fireball

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#16
What's the difference between natural Bacillus anthracis and DARPA's latest strain?

You can't teach natural anthrax to "go fetch".
 

Hudson

Supreme Champion!!!!!
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Jan 14, 2002
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#17
Two scientists walk into a bar. The bartender asks them what they want..the first scientist says" I'll have H2O". The second scientist says " I'll have H2O too".
The bartender goes away and comes back with their drinks. Both scientists gulp down their drinks. The second scientist died.
 

SatansCheerledr

Ideologically Unsound
Apr 6, 2005
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I Will Pay Snakes To Bite You
#18
Hmm tough crowd as usual


Bartender says "We don't serve your kind here."
A pair of tachyons walk into a bar.

I love making Mrs. SC squirm by telling these kind of jokes to people them just standing there in the awkward silence afterwards. Never saying a word or explaining anything.

I am an ass.
 

mills

I'll give em a state, a state of unconsciousness
Jan 30, 2005
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Flea Bottom
#19
I love making Mrs. SC squirm by telling these kind of jokes to people them just standing there in the awkward silence afterwards. Never saying a word or explaining anything.
My first bio prof was the nerdiest person I've ever known. He told the Fungi (fun guy) joke in the first minute of the first day of class. No one laughed (except him), or spoke, or breathed, and everyone wanted to see him gassed.

Most awkward and most fun moment I can remember happening inside a classroom.
 

Atomic Fireball

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Jul 26, 2005
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#20
Cop: Hey buddy, you know there's a dead cat in that box?
Schrödinger: I do now, asshole

Schrödinger: You sperled my thought experiment
 

LiddyRules

I'm Gonna Be The Bestest Pilot In The Whole Galaxy
Jun 1, 2005
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#21
Two scientists walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "Are you guys physicists?" And one of the scientists responds, "No, we're chemists."
 

Atomic Fireball

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Jul 26, 2005
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#22
Two scientists walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "Are you guys physicists?" And one of the scientists responds, "No, we're chemists."
[/threadkiller]


But wait, there's more!


Why did James Van Allen wear a charged-particle belt around his waist?
To hold his theories up!


What does the FDA call butylated hydroxytoluene?
Safe!