Mass Effect = SEX SIMULATOR!!

HumpX

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Oct 30, 2004
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#1
One of the biggest douchebag journalists calls Mass Effect a sex simulator....and thats one of the milder things. He's a right-wing uber conservative who is actually calling for government intervention. Don't bother responding because the Penny-Arcade forum army has swarmed the comments area. Just read the article, its sooooo inaccurate and repugnant it almost seems like a hoax.

go Here.
 
Dec 12, 2007
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#2
I'd like to take a pick ax to that old out of touch shit bags face.
 

Dark Reyule

Heaven is a nice book and Bea Arthur's vagina.
Mar 18, 2005
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#3
Funny how this ad accompanies this drek...



Kind of undermines your wholesomeness when some partially stripping, barely-of-age tart is haucking shirts on your site.
 

ruckstande

Posts mostly from the shitter.
Apr 2, 2005
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#5
This is another enraging article. One of the biggest detriments to the game industry and game consumers is that stores insist on labeling game consoles as "toys" instead of calling them and "entertainment console" like a dvd player or stereo. I think this misnomer keeps giving pricks like this the room to say that games are geared toward's kids. Although during the 80's this was probably true, the same kids that were being encouraged to purchase gaming system's back then are still the core focus today. The Nintendo generation is all grown up now and the game industry knows this. It is a shame ignorant assholes like this guy can actually have a column in a publication regardless of whether or not he has any actually proof or knowledge of the topic at hand.
 

BIV

I'm Biv Dick Black, the Over Poster.
Apr 22, 2002
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#6
Maybe I'm not far enough in the game yet, but there is a section where I can design a chick and get it on with her? What the hell planet is that on?
 

Plunkies

Registered User
Jun 28, 2006
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#7
I'd bet money that that guy is a pedo.
 

Blue Heeler

Uber Listener / Asshole
Aug 24, 2007
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#8
I stopped reading right here: "But it IS marketed for the X-Box 360, perhaps the most visually stimulating gaming system ever made. "

La la la la la la lie lie lie
 

Warfarer

I can't think of anything funny.
Jun 20, 2005
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#9
Maybe I'm not far enough in the game yet, but there is a section where I can design a chick and get it on with her? What the hell planet is that on?
I have beaten it twice and haven't happened across the design a chick and fuck her planet yet.
 

Vyce

Light-skinned, with no Negro dialect.
Feb 11, 2006
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#10
Maybe I'm not far enough in the game yet, but there is a section where I can design a chick and get it on with her? What the hell planet is that on?
I think you can hook up with one of the blue alien chicks.

Whether your character is a guy or girl.

Which I guess leads to some HOT ALIEN LEZBO ACTION.






[in reality, I think the game just has some basic romance subplots.....it's not like this is a Japanese romance hentai game]
 

ruckstande

Posts mostly from the shitter.
Apr 2, 2005
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#11
Hey the paranoid closet homosexual comes back for more!
http://kotaku.com/344873/mass-effect-political-dickery-corrected

Mass Effect Political Dickery "Corrected"


Ah, yes. Clueless columnist Kevin McCullough (pictured) is back. After spewing utter lies and nonsense from his piehole, he was met with the brunt end of the internet. He's decided that making a fool of himself once is not enough. He'd like to do it again! So, he goes through point-by-point and tries to correct and explain claims he made about a game he obviously knows nothing about. From his site:


1. "The most realistic sex acts..." - from the YouTube footage I saw, I still concur, to me these acts are the most realistic put in video games - that I have seen. In the lesbian version one woman's hand appears to stimulate the crotch of the other passing between the legs. Today many of the more perv-oriented gamer-nerds took delight in describing for me the detailed description of games they claim are MORE realistic... Ok fine, I'll take them at their word, but for me the statement stands...

2. "One can custom design the shape, form, bodies, race, hair style, breast size of the images..." Evidently the only thing I got wrong on this was the breast size, though I would like someone to explain to me how the female characters end up having different sizes again on the YouTube footage I witnessed with my own eyes... But the rest of it was true. race, hair style, color - etc.


Holy crap! You can customize their race, hair style and color? Un-believable! Bet you can even customize the character's name. More of this nonsense after the jump.

3. "...the video game "persons" hump in every form, format, multiple, gender-oriented possibility they can think of." Again true (not that there are that many combinations of human sexuality to begin with.) But since the makers of Mass Effect decided to throw in a little alien booty both hetero and homo it seems to me that they covered the range. Would these gamer-nerds have preferred that the game included bestiality? Later in the column I make a reference to being able to perform sex acts, homo and hetero, with whomever... Ok - you can't have sex with every single character in the game... But between copulating with Aliens, girl on girl, guy on guy, and according to my gamer-nerd friends who I checked with - it does not take a great deal of manipulation to add a few extra "kinks" to the mix for those who know a little bit about such things.

4. They (the gamer-nerds) also took outrageous umbrage to the claims I made in the column that the game is marketed to teen-age boys. (Though many of those giving me feedback happened to be under the age of 17/18.) The common argument is that because the game is marked "M" that means that no kid under 17/18 (depending on your state) would be allowed access to it. Asinine thinking through and through though. Simply like the fact that movie theaters are this night allowing children underage to purchase tickets, refusing to ask for ID, these games are being sold over the counter by the major chain stores with no enforcement of the age limit suggestions posted on the games themselves. The Gamer-Nerds act as though the packaging itself is all the responsibility that needs to be taken. Of course they themselves probably started hiding their collection of Hustler Magazine under their beds when they were eleven and have thus a good idea of how the "letter of the law" differs from the "intent." Thus the explanation of why they were so sore with me for pointing out the obvious. The silly "M" label stands for, and accomplishes precious little.

5. The major criticism the Gamer-Nerds had for me in their reaction was this challenge: "Unless you've spent the 20 hours of game time it takes to get to the explicit scenes, keep your fat mouth shut!" Many challenges stated that unless I played it myself then I had no business pointing out its objectionably content. Would they say the same of a strip club at the end of their block or hookers knocking at their door? (Well maybe sexually repressed gamer-nerds would...) Normal people would not. There is an innate instinct that tells us right from wrong, it's called a conscience. Did I play the game? No. Did I talk to some gamers who had and who knew the possibilities of the game. Yes! Does it make the lesbian, alien, hetero, homo sex that a player arrives at in the game a proper thing for teenagers to be tantalized by? Absolutely not!


There's a whole page of this uninformed side-stepping over at Townhall.com. Read it if you like. Next week, Kevin McCullough writes about the pains of child labor, the plight of minorities and a buncha other stuff he knows fuck all about. Good for him.
Life Lessons [Townhall Thanks to all who sent this in!]
 

HumpX

Character Assassin
Oct 30, 2004
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#12
Hey the paranoid closet homosexual comes back for more!
looking at that picture something tells me he's taken more than a few loads on the chin.

The guy is simply trying to emulate Anne Coulter with the name calling and the manufactured outrage. At least Coulter is entertaining. What he's accomplished is a few thousand page hits and a reputation as a complete and utter douchebag.
 

FellowTraveler

Frank Reynolds is my hero
Jul 24, 2005
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#13
he should comb what is left of his hair with a shotgun...fucking retard
 
Dec 12, 2007
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#14
The Games A Sex Simulator Sam! You Can Make A Woman, Use Different Color Hair And Skin Colors Whos To Stop You From Creating A Negro Alien Sex Orgy Sam! The Kids Are Busting Nuts All Over Their Tv Screens And Homework Isn't Getting Done Sam!
 

Plunkies

Registered User
Jun 28, 2006
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#15
I just watched the scene. You see a blue ass in a dark room for 2 seconds, the equivalent of a pg-13 movie. At least God of War had tits and a threesome.

I still don't understand how movies can have an actual sex scene without a problem but a video game implying sex causes such phony outrage.
 

Vyce

Light-skinned, with no Negro dialect.
Feb 11, 2006
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#16
I'm disappointed that this comes from Townhall.com, an otherwise fairly decent conservative website.

Mary Katherine Ham should have never let this nonsense get published, but then again, I suppose this is red meat for the specific audience this website caters too.
 

BIV

I'm Biv Dick Black, the Over Poster.
Apr 22, 2002
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#17
And this guy is even more of a retard. The blue "chick" is actually genderless. So lesbian sex with her isn't even possible.

This guy still fails to mention that the only character you can design is the main one and that this sex come after an entire game of building a romantic relationship.

I do want to thank him though. I didn't even know about this and now I'm choosing my conversation options far more carefully.

Do I want the human chick or hot alien sex? Hmmmmm......

And I'm so running through the game a second time with a female character.
 

Vyce

Light-skinned, with no Negro dialect.
Feb 11, 2006
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#18
I've seen the sex scenes in question on Youtube, and man, it's nowhere near as racy as this guy is making it out to be.
 
E

espy_es

Guest
#19
And the Kotaku article is only half of his response. The rest of the response can be found here:
http://kevinmccullough.townhall.com/blog/g/ad4fece3-3a1e-42bd-8546-295599024191


That quote in the begining? Guess what? Its missing the final line. I(the original author of the misquoted comment) posted a comment regarding this:


Out of context.

Way to go. The quote in your post is misrepresented. You left out the final line that explained the severity of the comment.

"See, I can make up silly, uninformed obscene nonsense, too."

It was intentionally obscene and based in fantasy, just like your original article. A little unwarranted? Perhaps. But I, an individual gamer(not a fair representation of the gaming community, mind you), found your article just as obscene and ill-informed as you no doubt found my comment.

I shouldnt be surprised though. You mention all the things you saw on YouTube(always a reliable source) and the secondhand opinions of your "gamer-nerd friends". Yet, you dismiss people who argue that you didnt play the game for 20 hours. That you saw it all with your own eyes. Again, you fail to recognize the lack of context. If you see just the sex scene, of course youll find the game gratuitous and obscene. However, when you play the game, youll find that its all put within the context of a relationship, not arbitrary sex. If you tell me that sex within the context of a developed relationship is obscene, then I will know that it is you who doesnt know the difference between fantasy and reality, not the "gamer-nerds".

What a douche.
 

HumpX

Character Assassin
Oct 30, 2004
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#20
Penny-Arcade, in typical form, made this douchebag the subject of their entire days update. As per usual it's spot-on.


 

Garyisajoke

I created FRED, fuckface. Show some respect.
Nov 20, 2005
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#22
I stopped reading right here: "But it IS marketed for the X-Box 360, perhaps the most visually stimulating gaming system ever made. "

La la la la la la lie lie lie
Yeah - 3DO was way more visually stimulating...