My absolute horror.

Turtle

WACKBAGGER
Jun 8, 2005
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#1
Sushi gives me horrid gas. But I love the stuff and indulge a few times a month. Monday I took the family to dinner at our favorite sushi place and indulged myself in a plethora of sashimi and rolls. Tuesday morning I got up and the raw fish was well on its way to wreaking havoc with my lower GI tract.

I stop to get an espresso at the local book store on my way to work. Upon entering the store I could feel a massive fart begging my colon for release. I did what I thought was a thorough but quick check for other patrons and proceeded to expel a muffled but long gurgling fart. I fanned the sides of my overcoat and to my absolute horror I smelled the most vile, repugnant, and heinous gas I have ever come across. I am not kidding; it was beyond comprehension how bad this smell was. I quickly move down the isle of books and to my dismay a young woman (about 25 years old) comes walking toward me in the same isle. She is carrying a cup of coffee and a magazine. I don’t or can’t look her in the eye as we pass… but as she passes me I turn and see her walk into the invisible pestilence I left behind me.

She clearly smelled it because she staggered backward one step, dropped her magazine to cover her mouth and nose and I heard a choking muffled “Oh my god.”


Thoughts?
 

crippledalbino

The God of 42nd Street
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Aug 16, 2006
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#3
I just think it's very sad that poor Turtle has toxic fumes, but what do you expect, you're mixing espresso and raw fish...
 

THE FEZ MAN

as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
Aug 23, 2002
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#6
your my hero
 

Sinn Fein

Infidel and White Interloper
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Aug 29, 2002
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#7
I get some really, really potent fart action whenever I have wings, especially from my favorite place.

That's almost part of the attraction... I know I can give my wife the ol' dutch oven treatment.

I've dropped a few silent gassers in public and got to enjoy a laugh when someone got blasted by it.
 

BCH

Doesn't need your acknowledgement on Twitter
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Jun 9, 2005
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#8
I just had sushi today much to the chagrin of my co-workers.
 

THE FEZ MAN

as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
Aug 23, 2002
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#9
eh, if it makes you feel any better a border line shit my self at work first thing monday morning, i had to do a squishy walk to the can and wash my ass. :action-sm i had the shits all weekend and it followed me to to work on monday
 

Hudson

Supreme Champion!!!!!
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Jan 14, 2002
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#10
I was gonna say, could be worse..coulda shit yourself and had it go down you pant leg.
 

Turtle

WACKBAGGER
Jun 8, 2005
8,863
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#11
Clearly I have not conveyed to you just how horrific this gasser was. This poor young woman almost fell down…she said Oh my god. It was atrocious…I felt bad for her.
 
Feb 20, 2006
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#12
Great story. You should have pointed at her and laughed.



I farted once but then realized I'd shit my pants. Badly. I pulled them off, threw them in the garbage can, covered them with paper towels, and promptly left work for the day. Now I always carry extra underwear in my car trunk.
 

THE FEZ MAN

as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
Aug 23, 2002
42,998
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#13
oh and i took a shit on sunday morning at about 4am that was so horrific that it was still smelling the bathroom up an hour later when i had to go again, even then it was so awful that i almost puked, and i love the smell of my own ass
 

Turtle

WACKBAGGER
Jun 8, 2005
8,863
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#14
I farted once but then realized I'd shit my pants. Badly. I pulled them off, threw them in the garbage can, covered them with paper towels, and promptly left work for the day. Now I always carry extra underwear in my car trunk.
Just the idea of this makes me laff. You are the boyscouts of skivvies.


oh and i took a shit on sunday morning at about 4am that was so horrific that it was still smelling the bathroom up an hour later when i had to go again, even then it was so awful that i almost puked, and i love the smell of my own ass
10K congrats.

I agree the smell of my own for the most part has zero impact on me. This one however...well it was bad.
 

THE FEZ MAN

as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
Aug 23, 2002
42,998
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#15
i keep a spare uniform at work and spare under garments in my car also, it started with a pair of socks but has also came to include a pair of boxer briefs, i have on more than one occasion completely soiled my self at work, usualy with some type of awful substance, either grease, oil or paint, some times mud, and on the rough mornings a little trouser treasure
 

dodisman

Registered User
Feb 20, 2005
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#16
I could almost smell that Spicy Tuna Roll fart in that story
 
Aug 12, 2005
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#18
Thoughts?

You are my fucking hero. I love doing stuff like that to people. What a great story. Told so vividly. I loffed and loffed. Thank you sir. :clap: You are a true pig and I applaud you. :clap: My weapon of choice is BK onion rings. For some reason they do terrible things to me and it makes for great ammo. I plan on unleashing it upon the gf tonight.
 
Jul 13, 2006
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#19
She clearly smelled it because she staggered backward one step, dropped her magazine to cover her mouth and nose and I heard a choking muffled “Oh my god.”
That's fucking hilarious. I would have been terribly embarrassed though
 

Sinn Fein

Infidel and White Interloper
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Aug 29, 2002
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#21
My weapon of choice is BK onion rings. For some reason they do terrible things to me and it makes for great ammo.
X2

I discovered in about 1990 that BK onion rings gave me horrendous gas, practically on-demand. I am not a big BK fan, but every time I have anything oniony it gives me some horrid gas. But, their onion rings are just a cut above.
 

Turtle

WACKBAGGER
Jun 8, 2005
8,863
1
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#22
Thoughts?

You are my fucking hero. I love doing stuff like that to people. What a great story. Told so vividly. I loffed and loffed. Thank you sir. :clap: You are a true pig and I applaud you. :clap: My weapon of choice is BK onion rings. For some reason they do terrible things to me and it makes for great ammo. I plan on unleashing it upon the gf tonight.
BK...well I try and stay away from fast food but I may give that a try one day.
 

Kris_LTRMa

LoseTheRadio.net's Ma
Nov 17, 2006
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#23
I had a stomach flu thing about a month ago. It started out as just a belly ache with some gas. The day before it really hit, I cut one at the office. I was in my cubicle ... I've never smelt anything so vile .. my friends across the aisle smelled it and asked if I'd farted. I denied it and blamed it on the old lady who sits in front of me who as luck would have it, had gotten up from her desk about the same time I let it rip. I could not admit something as vile as what they were smelling came from my ass.

:icon_redf
 

LB75

Registered User
Dec 7, 2007
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#24
X2

I discovered in about 1990 that BK onion rings gave me horrendous gas, practically on-demand. I am not a big BK fan, but every time I have anything oniony it gives me some horrid gas. But, their onion rings are just a cut above.
And I thought I was the only one... My wife can now identify by smell alone that I had BK onion rings for lunch.
 

PDX909

Registered User
May 12, 2007
756
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#25
Bravo sir. You had me at "invisible pestilence" ..great fucking line.