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My least-sexy first female on female nude massage experience yesterday story

Discussion in 'Off Topic Discussion' started by Off-White-Power, Mar 11, 2012.

?

Have you ever had a nude massage?

  1. Yes

    39.1%
  2. No and don't want one

    39.1%
  3. No and DO want one someday

    21.7%
  1. Off-White-Power

    Off-White-Power High maintenance, low tolerance

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    (Thought of you all and little yimmy during this experience and couldn't wait to write this up -- slightly long for goodness)

    So after sleeping 11 hrs yesterday I decided to go get my nails done and then a full body massage. I've been going to this masseuse for about 3 years, every month. She's an old Chinese woman who doesn't speak English.

    I get there and put my purse down at a bed where I normally do and she says no and points to a back room. Immediately I shutter remembering the one time I saw a guy come from there adjusting his clothes. So I didn't want to be rude so I followed her back. She says "take off clothes" so I took off shirt and stood there like an idiot. She laughs and says "pants too" so I did, happy I was at least wearing nice underwear. Then she looks at me and I said "underwear too?!?!" and she nodded.

    At this point I'm thinking of the world of hurt on display -- birthmarks, scars, extra 10 lbs etc. so now she says lie down on stomach, which I do. If you're a female with 40Ds you understand how painful lying braless on a hard table is. Torture. Constant thoughts of "don't fart" and "shoulda shaved today".

    Anyway yada yada massage commences (including butt crack massaging!), she asked me to flip over, which I do reluctantly and she gives me a weird tummy rub. Didn't have to piss when I got there but pressing on bladder is making it
    so. Ended with facial then foot massage and was ready to get the hell out of there.

    What the hell made her think after 3 years I'd want a nude massage all of the sudden?!?! Anyway, if you ever get a nude massage you will be freaked out and will not be able to get lil Yimmy and happy endings out of your head. A bizarre experience I do not wish to repeat, although it was infinitely better than with clothes on I have to admit. $115 with tip, 1 hr 45 min.
     
  2. Jef Leppard

    Jef Leppard 4/5 ths

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  3. Rash Rendering

    Rash Rendering Registered User

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    Good egg.
     
  4. mills

    mills I'll give em a state, a state of unconsciousness

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    I'm so much more confused than when I started....

    I've seen DHRH around plenty, but what the...
     
  5. Yesterdays Hero

    Yesterdays Hero She's better than you, Smirkalicious.

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    That's rarely as bad as you think. Mine thinks she's awful. She's definitely not.
     
  6. mills

    mills I'll give em a state, a state of unconsciousness

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    OK nvm, sorry hun. It was the being bossed into a shady back room that made me uncertain of your gender :)
     
  7. Your_Moms_Box

    Your_Moms_Box Free Shit / Socialism 2016

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  8. Yesterdays Hero

    Yesterdays Hero She's better than you, Smirkalicious.

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    Judging by both her nervousness and being generally uncomfortable, I'm going to say no.

    The size of her undeleted cache didn't help matters either.;)
     
  9. fletcher

    fletcher Darkness always says hello.
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    Jesus christ, man! There are some things you just dont talk about in public!

    [​IMG]
     
  10. Yesterdays Hero

    Yesterdays Hero She's better than you, Smirkalicious.

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    Odd. Image didn't show up except in the quote.
     
  11. NikkorTheMonk

    NikkorTheMonk Registered User

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  12. fletcher

    fletcher Darkness always says hello.
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    You might want to clear your cache.

    I know it was already used here but I couldnt resist the easy setup.
     
  13. Yesterdays Hero

    Yesterdays Hero She's better than you, Smirkalicious.

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    I'll have you know my cache is clean. It's cleanest cache that was ever cached.
     
  14. Mags

    Mags Edgelord
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    People get non-nude massages? Huh. You learn something every day.
     
  15. Buster H

    Buster H Alt-F4
    Wackbag Staff

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    that's definitely odd and her communication didn't help.

    When I went to massage school, we were taught to be much more cognizant of people's natural tendencies to get nervous.

    We would explain how the massage is going to go long before they ever saw the table. It would go something like this "OK, after I lead you to the room. I am going to go wash my hands and give you the time to get ready. Remove your clothing and lay on the table with the sheet over you. Underwear is optional. Throughout the massage, I will be readjusting the sheet to gain access to the part of your body that I am working on while the rest of your body will remain covered."

    After I walk the person to the table that was already set up with two sheets. I go over the instructions briefly and show them the table and a place for them to put their clothing. ALSO, if it was a large chested woman, I'd usually give them a towel folded into a triangle to place on the table in the upper chest area to relieve that pressure. If you are uncomfortable in any way, you aren't going to get the full benefits from the massage

    We also spent a ton of time learning how to manipulate the sheet to work on the whole body without exposing any private areas. Work on the glutes was usually done through the sheets and done with the back of the hand or elbow.


    Yeah, I know I am opening myself up for a ton of abuse here... but yes, I am a certified massage therapist. Went to school for 2 years for it. I'm actually in the process of getting my national certification now.
     
  16. Mother Shucker

    Mother Shucker I'm over here now.

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    You can give me a happy ending any time Buster....
     
  17. Yesterdays Hero

    Yesterdays Hero She's better than you, Smirkalicious.

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    Which leads us to the natural question, any broads make a move on you? Stories motherfucker, give them up.
     
  18. Buster H

    Buster H Alt-F4
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    large majority of my massages were performed at the school so no, that never happened.


    I did end up banging 3 of the girls I went to school with though. That was fun. Nothing like being around a bunch of free minded young girls. I was 33 when I graduated and basically had my pick of any of the 22-25 year old girls at my school
     
  19. lajikal

    lajikal Registered User

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    You know the economy is hurting when an ol' chink is self-willing to change her standard service to a repeat customer of 3 years for extra cash.
     
  20. whiskeyguy

    whiskeyguy PR representative for Drunk Whiskeyguy.

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    My penis is erect.

    Buster's post was that hot. Too bad DHR's had to ruin it. :action-sm


    BTW, for some reason I would never feel self conscious around someone in the "service" industry. Regardless of how bad you think you look, they've probably seen 10x worse. You admitted the massage was better naked, so why the hell don't you keep going? She's not going to un-see you naked, and this board could use a few more sexy stories that aren't limited to fleshlights and cum sampling.
     
  21. bill333

    bill333 Go Screw!

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    How odd is this? I just got back from one and decided to look up to see if anyone mentioned them on the board and BOOM!, you got your thread, you got your hot story, dude.
     
  22. OilyJillFart

    OilyJillFart Well-Lubed Member

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    Why wouldn't a massage table be made with tit holes in it? Supported, padded and comfortable.
     
  23. Papagolash

    Papagolash 24.24.2.2194 [Incarcerated]
    Wackbag Staff

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    You went to massage school? That explains so much....
     
  24. Sinn Fein

    Sinn Fein Infidel and White Interloper
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    That reminds me of your birthday thread... I never got that email, must be something wrong with the internets.
     
  25. Off-White-Power

    Off-White-Power High maintenance, low tolerance

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    Price was the same as previous sessions though
     

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