My plea to the undecided: Stay home!

BIV

I'm Biv Dick Black, the Over Poster.
Apr 22, 2002
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#1
My plea to the undecided: Stay home!


By Jeff Greenfield

As the momentous day approaches, with epochal consequences for an anxiously awaiting world, I take pen in hand—make that apply fingertips to keypad—to renew a traditional plea I first made more than 30 years ago. It’s a plea I’ve made in print, on the air and, now, through the miracle of digital technology. But its message never changes.

It’s a plea directed to those of you who are still uncertain about which way to vote. And it’s as simple as it is heartfelt: Stay home.

The candidates have been at this for years; both President Obama and Mitt Romney began running for the presidency six years ago. They’ve made speeches, answered (or evaded) questions and raised billions to convince you of their worth—or the other guy’s worthlessness.

The media have been covering their every move and word, even when the candidates thought they weren’t. (Can you say, “Cling to their religion and guns”? “47 percent”?) The coverage has been slanted, scrupulously fair, superficial, in-depth, misleading, dead-on. With the flip of a page or the click of a mouse, you have been able to find out every conceivable piece of information you might want on their backgrounds, families, values, experience, positions taken, positions abandoned, promises made, promises broken, and the music on their iPods.

And after all this time, you’re still trying to make up your minds. The overwhelmingly likely reason is this: You have the reasoning power of a baked potato.

OK, I grant that you may be of the small minority of concerned citizens who are genuinely torn and who have not yet evaluated the relative worth of health care reform notions, the vagaries of the tax proposals or the respective approaches to the increasing power of the renminbi.

But I wouldn’t bet a nickel on it.

The odds are, you’ve just been too busy obsessing about the misfortunes of the Kardashians or the quality of your ringtone, to spend any time thinking about who might be the better president.

Well, that’s your right. Unlike the Australians, we don’t compel people to vote, and it would likely be a First Amendment violation if we tried. A refusal to vote can be seen as a statement that the electoral system is rigged, meaningless or so thoroughly corrupt as to deserve contempt. (“I never vote,” one citizen said long ago. “It only encourages them.”)

And there are other valid reasons for not voting. As a personal matter, I stopped voting more than a decade ago, on the grounds that it helped me as an analyst not to think about making a choice in the voting booth.

So it strikes me as a sound, honest statement for a prospective voter to say: “Look, I haven’t given this election a minute’s thought, and it’s just not fair for me to cancel out the vote of someone who actually gives a damn.”

Indeed, it’s not just sound and honest—it’s the ethically responsible thing to do.

Men and women in my lifetime have died fighting for the right to vote: people like James Chaney, Andrew Goodman and Michael Schwerner, who were murdered while registering black voters in Mississippi in 1964, and Viola Liuzzo, who was murdered by the Ku Klux Klan in 1965 during the Selma march for voting rights. In these days of early voting, we’ve seen people waiting in line for hours to exercise the franchise. Countless others, who have never had to fight for it, have spent real time either trying to decide how to cast their vote or donating their time to persuading others.

So if you’re one of those folks who have stayed utterly disengaged through all of this, do the honorable thing: Honor those for whom the vote really matters by staying home.

You’ll be doing yourself—and the country—a favor.
 

THE FEZ MAN

as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
Aug 23, 2002
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im going to vote a straight libertarian ticket just to piss people off
 

whiskeyguy

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#4
im going to vote a straight libertarian ticket just to piss people off
I said in the Gary Johnson thread I'm pretty sure my vote for him sealed his win in California. My dad pulled the "it's your fault if Obama wins" on me a couple of nights ago when I was talking to him on the phone. I responded "it's your fault we have to pick between Obama and Romney".
 

THE FEZ MAN

as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
Aug 23, 2002
42,935
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#5
i voted "independent" until the moon cricket ran for office, i voted for him hoping for a total down fall of western civilization, so far im totally disappointed , so fuck the ****** and fuck the fan fiction jebuz nut. i will vote the same way i have voted for 20 years right into the fucking toilet. the same place the rest of the votes are going, our system is broke, the ONLY way this country is going to change is if the blood of the entitled flows in the streets like the over flowing storm sewers of jearsy right into the ocean fuck this country
 

THE FEZ MAN

as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
Aug 23, 2002
42,935
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#6
zombies is the only way things will change. i hate all politicians and there mindless fucking followers
 

CougarHunter

Lying causes cat piss smell.
Mar 2, 2006
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#7
If you are undecided, then you are a moron and should be barred from voting based upon mental defect.

Secondly, there will be no change in this country until there is no reason to be a parasite.
 

MayrMeninoCrash

Liberal Psycopath
Dec 9, 2004
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#8
I voted for the fat chick who was a little pitchy during her rendition of that Whitney Houston song. Luckily I got through, the phone lines are always busy.

Title of this article should be "My Plea to the Undecided - Kill yourself"
 

Lord Zero

Viciously Silly
Aug 25, 2008
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#9
fuck the fan fiction jebuz nut.
I've said in the past that the entire New Testament is just fan fiction with an original character in the main role. I don't care about Jesus. I just want to read about more of Moses' adventures like the time he had to go to work on his day off and found about that one of his wives sucked 37 dicks.
 

LiddyRules

I'm Gonna Be The Bestest Pilot In The Whole Galaxy
Jun 1, 2005
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#10
I've said in the past that the entire New Testament is just fan fiction with an original character in the main role. I don't care about Jesus. I just want to read about more of Moses' adventures like the time he had to go to work on his day off and found about that one of his wives sucked 36 dicks (37, including him).
God was the main character in The Old Testament, and it was about him conducting crazy tests for people he talked to over thousands of years. Kind of like the dude in Saw. Cary Elwes.
 

Lord Zero

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Aug 25, 2008
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#11
God was the main character in The Old Testament, and it was about him conducting crazy tests for people he talked to over thousands of years. Kind of like the dude in Saw. Cary Elwes.
God wasn't the stand-out character, though. Moses stole the show.
 

LiddyRules

I'm Gonna Be The Bestest Pilot In The Whole Galaxy
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#12
God wasn't the stand-out character, though. Moses stole the show.
Well he had an entire season to himself. You don't think Abraham would have been a star if he didn't have to share billing with Adam, Noah, Jacob, Isaac, and Mr. Coat?
 

Lord Zero

Viciously Silly
Aug 25, 2008
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#13
Well he had an entire season to himself. You don't think Abraham would have been a star if he didn't have to share billing with Adam, Noah, Jacob, Isaac, and Mr. Coat?
Nope. Between Moses and Noah, no one else has a chance. Moses and Noah would be the ones cast in a spin-off buddy cop movie.
 

LiddyRules

I'm Gonna Be The Bestest Pilot In The Whole Galaxy
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#14
Nope. Between Moses and Noah, no one else has a chance. Moses and Noah would be the ones cast in a spin-off buddy cop movie.
When did King David make his first appearance?
 

whiskeyguy

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Nope. Between Moses and Noah, no one else has a chance. Moses and Noah would be the ones cast in a spin-off buddy cop movie.
Noah doesn't hold a candle to Moses. He took his sweet time building that stupid boat, even though God himself told him it was necessary to live through the apocalypse. Then he sailed around the world with a bunch of exotic pets... typical 1%er if you ask me.

Meanwhile, Moses ended 400 years of slavery, led the Jews out of Egypt (after bringing down God's wrath on their masters), climbed mountains to yell at burning bushes, and parted a fucking sea.
 

LiddyRules

I'm Gonna Be The Bestest Pilot In The Whole Galaxy
Jun 1, 2005
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#18
I disagree about Noah being Moses' partner. If anyone it would be Aaron. But if Atlanta doesn't want to make Moses' partner his actual OT partner, then maybe Aaron could be the kid that follows them around. You know, the newsboy who has his ear to the grindstone.

But still. I can't see Moses and Noah making a good partnership. Now Lot's daughters got him drunk and fucked him after seeing their mother turned into salt. That's kind of trippy, right?
 

Lord Zero

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Aug 25, 2008
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#19
Noah doesn't hold a candle to Moses. He took his sweet time building that stupid boat, even though God himself told him it was necessary to live through the apocalypse. Then he sailed around the world with a bunch of exotic pets... typical 1%er if you ask me.
Noah is a good slacker character. He'd be a good fit for any Generation X indie flick.
Meanwhile, Moses ended 400 years of slavery, led the Jews out of Egypt (after bringing down God's wrath on their masters), climbed mountains to yell at burning bushes, and parted a fucking sea.
Moses was like Rocky in Rocky IV, except more awesome and less functionally retarded.
 

LiddyRules

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#20
I want to know why Esau is considered the bad brother when Jacob made him sell his birthright and fooled his blind father into thinking he was Esau to get blessed.

And Noah wasn't a slacker. Jesus Christ. He built a boat that could hold two of every animals, especially stink beetles.
 

whiskeyguy

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Noah is a good slacker character. He'd be a good fit for any Generation X indie flick
Yup, I agree with that... just lounging around until some new cause (saving every species of animal on the planet) snagged his interest, and then he was motivated for a few months.

Moses was like Rocky in Rocky IV, except more awesome and less functionally retarded.
There's also an aspect of him being unappreciated. He rescues the Jews from centuries of slavery, steps out to make a quick phone call to God, and comes back to them dancing around a giant golden cow, worshiping a false god.
 

whiskeyguy

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And Noah wasn't a slacker. Jesus Christ. He built a boat that could hold two of every animals, especially stink beetles.
Yeah but it took him waaay longer than the original agreed-upon time table... must have been a union job. Not to mention God told him the exact length of time he would be at sea (40 days and 40 nights), and he still fucked up by not packing enough food & water.

Oh yeah, and what else is associated with Noah? Rainbows. RAINBOWS! Moses had plagues, tsunamis, and tablets with God's commandments carved into them.
 

LiddyRules

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#23
Yup, I agree with that... just lounging around until some new cause (saving every species of animal on the planet) snagged his interest, and then he was motivated for a few months.



There's also an aspect of him being unappreciated. He rescues the Jews from centuries of slavery, steps out to make a quick phone call to God, and comes back to them dancing around a giant golden cow, worshiping a false god.
Not only that, but Moses couldn't even enter the holy land. Something about after wandering the desert for 40 years he gets frustrated at a rock and then God was like "fuck you, there was water in that rock. I told you so. Now you can't enter Israel."

That was another one of God's bizarre tricks. Like telling Abraham to sacrifice Isaac and then being all "Gotcha!" If I was Isaac, I'd be all "what the fuck was that dad?"

Yeah but it took him waaay longer than the original agreed-upon time table... must have been a union job. Not to mention God told him the exact length of time he would be at sea (40 days and 40 nights), and he still fucked up by not packing enough food & water.

Oh yeah, and what else is associated with Noah? Rainbows. RAINBOWS! Moses had plagues, tsunamis, and tablets with God's commandments carved into them.
Moses fucked shit up with Egypt. Noah fucked shit up with every place on Earth. Everyone descended from Noah. It's like Adam didn't even matter. And the Rainbow was the flowers got sent to humanity after the bender that got him to destroy humanity. It wasn't like "rainbows are pretty" it was "yeah...I killed every motherfucker. So come on baby, here's a rainbow. It shows I care about you."

Though maybe Lot and Moses would make a better pairing.
 

Lord Zero

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#24
And Noah wasn't a slacker. Jesus Christ. He built a boat that could hold two of every animals, especially stink beetles.
And the spideys.

(Points to whomever catches the reference.)
Though maybe Lot and Moses would make a better pairing.
I still say that Moses and Noah is the way to go. It could be like Beverly Hills Cop, but in the Biblical world.
 

LiddyRules

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#25
I still say that Moses and Noah is the way to go. It could be like Beverly Hills Cop, but in the Biblical world.
Who's Axel and who's Judge Reinhold? Neither of those guys were uptight squares. And Charlton Heston played one and Russell Crowe played the other so obviously, there's some masculinity behind both of them.

I think if anything, we're looking at Biblical Lethal Weapon.