Normal Mourning Time Period

norton23

Opie And Anthony Always Win In The End
Dec 1, 2002
8,998
3
0
TITLE TOWN BABY!!!
#1
Here's the situation. There is a women at work who lost her husband last month, and to listen to her you would of thought it had happened yesturday, and unexpectedly. Her husband was diagnosed with termanal cancer a long time ago and was past the time he was supposed to die. He was living in misery and finially died, as I said about a month ago. Mourning somebodys death is normal especially when it's your husband, but he was in pain, and yes it's still o.k. to mourn but please realize he is in a much better place now and is in no pain.

There was a memorial service where everybody at work showed up, we gave her cards, flowers,etc, to show sympathy. My boss's birthday was a few weeks ago and even spent hours on end at this womens house because she was so upset. So we did show her we care and the sypmathy and attention was there, people were there for her.

I have heard this women ask clients about there husbands passing, and one of them gave her guidence, but I was shocked and appauled that she would do that,,,it wasn't too private, I heard the whole conversation so not cool at all. I have also heard her say, "so and so told me that she had lost her father recently and knows what I am going through! Well she has NO idea what im going through, it's completely differnet losing your husband as oppose to your father!!!" Now I heard that and was again shocked. I mean this women who lost her dad was trying to help for christ sake. And you don't compare especially the way she did. She said it was different because fathers are expected to pass as are mothers...well sorry lady but so are husbands with cancer.

She just came in and has this ho-hum poor is me attitude and it's just sickening because I know she just want's attention. She has stopped to talk with clients etc, and has said certain things in front of them about how upset she is, she did this in front of me because she is begging for a "reaction" from me....well sorry lady it's just not happening. She even wen't so far as to say to me "did you hear what I said to Jane? I was talking about how expensive it's going to be and how hard it's going to be to live on my own now"----now I can sympathize but you know what? This is too much to take.

There is another women who's husband had cancer and recently beat it. He was a part of the Red Sox Dana Farber Cancer thing and was doing really aggressive treatements,,,he beat it and im sure that was hard to hear as well.

Oh another comment she made last week, she said very loudly after somebody said "well I would like to help set up the cape cod marathon but my husband and I love to spend sundays together, we work so much that it's our day",,,oh boy she said "I WOULD LOVE NOTHING MORE THAN TO DO THAT BUT I CANT!!!!! MY HUSBAND IS DEAD HES GONE!!!!!!!":icon_eek:

So is this just me being a deek or is she a lil crazy???
 

Big Dick Mcgee

Registered User
Apr 3, 2005
7,086
1
443
Lynchburg VA
#2
I'm sure it's tough for her but I like you believe it is time for her to shut the fuck up about it. You should go up to her and say" You can act like a man.(smack) What's the matter with you?
 

JoeyDVDZ

That's MR. MOJO, Motherfucker!
Aug 20, 2004
28,866
5,603
693
#3
Different people react to grief in different ways. (This is me, being Mr. Sensible guy.)
 
Feb 20, 2006
8,646
549
521
**** Island
#4
She even wen't so far as to say to me "did you hear what I said to Jane? I was talking about how expensive it's going to be and how hard it's going to be to live on my own now"

Here's how you should've handled it:

You: "What's that? Your husband didn't have an insurance policy?"
Her: "No, we'd thought we'd both live forever...more crying"
You: "Well, I guess your husband was an idiot then. You're better off without him. Better start fucking his richest buddy. Carry on dumb cunt."




Seriously though, you should take it further. If she wants to play the "woe is me" game to get attention you should start delving into really personal details with her; like you're genuinely interested. Start asking her about his final days, the surgeries he went through, what parts they took out of him....etc. Listen to the Golden Mood clip. Opie at one of his finest cringe moments is what I'm driving at here.

If she acts offended just say "Well, you're the one that keeps bringing it up. I thought you wanted someone to talk to, you fucking bitch."

She'll never mention it to you again.
 
Dec 25, 2005
10,005
172
513
NJ
#6
some people just get stuck in that 'rut'. I've kinda been depressed before, & for a rather long time in hindsight.

Oooooor, she's just a lonely attention seeking whore.. up to you if you want to move in on someone like that.
 
Feb 3, 2006
826
0
0
Pennsylvania
#7
Everybody is different. Death doesn't bother me, in fact i welcome it. I lost my father , brother and never really shed a tear, both were terminally ill for a long time and it was better for them. But my wife is petrified of death. Her aunt died years ago and she is still upset.

You can't compare how people handle things, she may never get over it. Just let her go. Every situation is different.
While all other death doesn't bother me, if I ever lost my kid, I'm history.
 

norton23

Opie And Anthony Always Win In The End
Dec 1, 2002
8,998
3
0
TITLE TOWN BABY!!!
#8
hmmm...I think a lot of it has to do with something I once heard and really stuck with me= "People who mourn death are selfish" I was shocked at that and then realized,,,,,it's true. Are you upset because the person suffered and is now dead and doesn't have to suffer anymore? No, unless you hated that person. Are you upset because that person is missing out on life? Chances are that's not your thinking...your thinking is "im alone. we won't be able to do anything together anymore, WE won't be able to take trips, WE won't be able to watch the kids grow, WE won't be able to see our grandchildren grow old, WE WE WE = ME ME ME

And it's the way she's going about it that makes it even more selfish. She's here now becuase she's lonely, she doesn't have to work today, and she's not even working. She's an overweight aerobics instructor and nobody can stand taking her classes because she sucks at her job, SHE'S FAT, YOU CAN'T BE FAT AND TEACH AEROBICS GET A NEW JOB LADY. It boggles my mind,,,,she's mostly an aerobics helper but all she does is get in the way. Words cannot describe how much she is bothering me...she just now opened the door to the room with a class going on and asked if we have an extra fan....why you twat there's air conditioning and there are allerady two fans,,,nobody is hot but you fatso,,,,,she's now bringing in a fan getting into peoples way HOLY FUCK SHE MUST BE CORRREECTED!!!
 

jpc165

Through the Fire and Flames
Jan 6, 2004
7,896
0
0
Flipsville
#9
She should stay home from work if shes that fucking annoying.

Don't come to work if you're not emotionally ready.

Stay home and contemplate joining your husband sooner rather than later.
 

cigarsandscotch

Smoke and drink up.
Jan 13, 2005
4,795
3
453
Middletown NJ
#12
Is she hot? Shouldn't the real question of this thread be "How long should you wait before you start seriously hitting on her?"
 

Angelfuck

Part of the Ronnie B. crowd
Jan 6, 2006
10,838
1
0
Static Age
#13
umm, isn't grieving something your supposed to do privately and quietly? respectfully even... it seems like she's using her husbands death to get attention. it seems like a hard situation bc it must really suck for her, and if she just wanted to vent about it for a few months, maybe she doesnt have anyone else to talk to, thats cool, but from what you said she just wants a reaction, its pathetic. Ive seen it before, you sympathize with her and she'll turn it around, like 'no no you just dont understand' 'well then why the fuck you tellin me?'
 

Hudson

Supreme Champion!!!!!
Donator
Jan 14, 2002
32,840
4,566
898
Land of misfit toys
#16
I can understand your frustration..that is annoying as hell..but try to be more understanding..losing half of your life is kinda a big deal..
I grew up being told 6 months to a year is the normal and proper mourning period..but you might want to ask:
http://emilypost.com/index.htm
 

Kris_LTRMa

LoseTheRadio.net's Ma
Nov 17, 2006
9,749
1
333
right where I wanna be
#17
Yeah, people mourn in their own ways. Some do it privately while others feel the need to share their pain.

Next time she starts to talk to you or you overhear her crying to someone else, tell her that you know she's very upset and probably misses her husband very much. Then ask her if she's thought of getting professional help. When she says no, suggest she look to her church/temple for some sort of bereavement counseling or if she doesn't belong to a religious organization you'd be very happy to look in the yellow pages to find a counselor nearby for her. Each time after that, just ask her if she's spoken with anyone yet.

Don't be too sarcastic - if you know how to do saracharine sweet (fake nice) then do that. She's gotta believe that you're really concerned or else she's going to turn it into this big thing where you're the most inconsiderate ass on the planet etc etc etc

That's how I've handled the old ladies at work who lose their husbands and just let it go for too long.
 

AngryPest

Registered User
Mar 3, 2005
583
5
433
#18
From what I have seen its about a year. You need to cycle through all the holidays. I'm not saying your a wreck the whole year, but their birthday or Christmas brings back sad memories. But thats shit you don't share. You deal with it privately.
 

HummerTuesdays

Another girrrrl!!!
Apr 24, 2005
7,347
0
261
On the road to ruin
#19
I think it's time to get human resources involved. If I'm a client & I gotta hear her talk about her dead husband, I'm going with another company. Also, her dwelling on his death is distracting you from your work and destroying the office morale.
 

striker

Why yes, I am an asshole, so what?
Mar 10, 2005
2,603
9
263
Colorado
#20
my parents were married 36 yrs when my mom diedvery suddenly following surgery. That was in Nov. '03, my father is still, at times a wreck because of it. He occasionally goes for counseling, but it effects everyone differently.
 

JimsInfectedEye

That's very hurtful, sir.
May 21, 2005
3,526
2
323
Philadelphia
#21
If, in the afterlife, I hear my wife talking like that, I'd make my corpse claw its way through the pine box and rip her head off.

Whats next, is she going to hear about someone's honeymoon and whine, "WISH I COULD HAVE SEX, BUT MY HUSBAND IS DEAD..."
 

nolajersey

Miss Wackbag Cleavage 2006 & 2007
Jun 2, 2006
5,359
26
263
Dirty Jerzee
#25
Everyone deals with death so differently. I'm not married so I can't imagine what it would be like to lose someone you've made your whole life. Maybe what she is feeling now is guilt. Maybe she feels guilty if she goes on with her life normally after his death. Ashamed to feel happy because he is dead and she shouldn't feel happy with him gone. I think the only answer is that she needs to see a grief counselor. Unfortunately I don't think there is any tactful way to bring this up to a co-worker with out looking like the office douche.