OMG just read this it's fucking hilarious!

OccupyWackbag

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Dec 12, 2011
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#1
A suburban Chicago police officer used a $132 speeding ticket he issued to track down a woman and ask her for a date, saying the least he could do for costing her so much money was to buy her dinner, a lawsuit filed by the woman alleges. Evangelina Paredes accuses Stickney cop Chris Collins of violating her privacy by searching motor-vehicle records for her address, then leaving a handwritten note on her car windshield outside her apartment two days after she was ticketed.

A copy of the alleged note was attached to the lawsuit, filed last week in U.S. District Court in Chicago. It starts with an attempt at self-deprecating humor, saying, "It's Chris ... that ugly bald Stickney cop who gave you that ticket."
"I know this may seem crazy and you're probably right, but truth is I have not stopped thinking about you since," it continues. "I don't expect a girl as attractive as you to ... even go for a guy like me, but I'm taking a shot anyways."
The note goes on to say he would understand if Paredes did not get in touch.
"But hey," it continues apologetically, "I did cost you $132 -- least I can do is buy you dinner."
Collins, 27, told The Associated Press by phone on Tuesday that he hadn't yet hired an attorney and couldn't comment.
According to the lawsuit, Collins pulled Paredes over on Oct. 22 in Stickney, a village just southwest of Chicago. The note allegedly appeared on her car in a parking lot next to her apartment.
"The letter caused plaintiff to suffer great fear and anxiety," the lawsuit says. "Plaintiff could not believe that a police officer would use his access to her personal information to find her home and stalk her."
The suit, which seeks unspecified payments in damages, also accuses Collins of using his "authority and position as a police officer not to protect the public, but to attempt to manipulate the plaintiff into going out on a date with him."
The lawsuit also names Stickney Police Chief Joseph Kretch and the village of Stickney. A message left on Kretch's voicemail Tuesday was not immediately returned. Stickney Mayor Daniel O'Reilly also didn't immediately respond to a message seeking comment.
OMG how embarrassing! Lets read that again.

"It's Chris ... that ugly bald Stickney cop who gave you that ticket." "I know this may seem crazy and you're probably right, but truth is I have not stopped thinking about you since," it continues. "I don't expect a girl as attractive as you to ... even go for a guy like me, but I'm taking a shot anyways."
The note goes on to say he would understand if Paredes did not get in touch.
"But hey," it continues apologetically, "I did cost you $132 -- least I can do is buy you dinner."
:haha7::haha7::haha7::haha7::haha7::haha7::haha7::haha7::haha7:
 

Creasy Bear

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#4
If that bitch had torn his nuts off and fed them to him, it would've hurt less that that gutstomping.

I almost feel sorry for that poor sadsack cop.
 

lajikal

Registered User
Aug 6, 2009
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#6
WTF, is he 14? Fuck this faggot.
 

Creasy Bear

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#8
You know that cop was sitting home all lonely, wistfully thinking of a bright future where the special gal he was smitten with would be his wife, and they'd tell their adorable story of how fate brought them together over a speeding ticket, and all their friends and family would go "Awwww... that's just precious."

And look at him now... a human puddle of humiliation... probably got the barrel of his service gun in his mouth.
 

mikeybot

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Jul 25, 2005
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#9
Between the title for this and dredging up the FBA thread, they really should ban you.
 

Lord Zero

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#10
You know that cop was sitting home all lonely, wistfully thinking of a bright future where the special gal he was smitten with would be his wife, and they'd tell their adorable story of how fate brought them together over a speeding ticket, and all their friends and family would go "Awwww... that's just precious."

And look at him now... a human puddle of humiliation... probably got the barrel of his service gun in his mouth.
.

Douchebag Cop said:
Douchebag Cop's Thoughts said:
... So I looked her up, asked her out, and we've been together ever since. All these years later, we're still happy.
[Sigh]

[Gunshot]
 

Norm Stansfield

私は亀が好きだ。
Mar 17, 2009
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#12
The letter caused plaintiff to suffer great fear and anxiety," the lawsuit says. "Plaintiff could not believe that a police officer would use his access to her personal information to find her home and stalk her."
But...but...he didn't stalk you, you retarded cunt. All he did was write a (half sweet, half stupid) letter. He's just a guy who did something silly because he's not cynical enough to handle cunts like you the way you deserve to be handled.

AGh, I hate this stinky black hole of a person.
 

d0uche_n0zzle

**Negative_Creep**
Sep 15, 2004
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#14




Did he draw little hearts on the note? Ice water enema chills with this one.
What is your signature move?

Drop some Viagra in their rides and let a non stop stream of sexually suggestive innuendo fly? :xyxthumbs
 

Psychopath

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#18
You know that cop was sitting home all lonely, wistfully thinking of a bright future where the special gal he was smitten with would be his wife, and they'd tell their adorable story of how fate brought them together over a speeding ticket, and all their friends and family would go "Awwww... that's just precious."

And look at him now... a human puddle of humiliation... probably got the barrel of his service gun in his mouth.
What is worse for him is I guarantee every cop in his precinct has stuffed fake romantic letter in his desk and locker. Poor bastard is taking it from both ends.
 

Mags

LDAR, bitch.
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#24
But...but...he didn't stalk you, you retarded cunt. All he did was write a (half sweet, half stupid) letter. He's just a guy who did something silly because he's not cynical enough to handle cunts like you the way you deserve to be handled.

AGh, I hate this stinky black hole of a person.
Yeah see there's the little part about abusing official power to commit an even worse crime, contacting a private citizen. He should lose his job and pension. He's not just a stalking creep, he's a bad cop.

How'd ya think he's gonna get chicks in his new job as a Kmart security guard, accuse them of shoplifting? Yeesh.
 

Norm Stansfield

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#25
Yeah see there's the little part about abusing official power to commit an even worse crime, contacting a private citizen. He should lose his job and pension. He's not just a stalking creep, he's a bad cop.

How'd ya think he's gonna get chicks in his new job as a Kmart security guard, accuse them of shoplifting? Yeesh.
He just looked up her address to write a letter. That's all. Let's not give it fancy names that make it sound worse. He should get a slap on the wrist.