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Opie's Shitty BBQ Steak

Discussion in 'Wackbag's Mean Cusine' started by DR. Jimcy M.E., Sep 11, 2013.

  1. DR. Jimcy M.E.

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    Who the fuck puts BBQ sauce on a steak?

    God dam savage.
     
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  2. Creasy Bear

    Creasy Bear gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh
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    Steak sauce on a steak is ham and eggerish enough. BBQ sauce on a steak? That's just pure white trashery.

    Might as well slather his steaks with ketchup and then sit on the porch and play a banjo.
     
  3. BIV

    BIV I'm Biv Dick Black, the Over Poster.

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    Trying to come up with a scenario where a steak is shitty enough to use BBQ that I'd still eat. Failing.

    BBQ is for low and slow, hot dogs and dipping. Also acceptable for grilled chicken and an occasional burger.

    As a little kid, my brother would put Miracle Whip on his steak. Only way he'd eat it. He eventually graduated to ketchup.
     
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  4. gorram

    gorram ;)

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    The worst part of that break was the only rational one there when it comes to cooking a steak was Derosa.
     
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  5. BIV

    BIV I'm Biv Dick Black, the Over Poster.

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    I really need to find my XM power cord.
     
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  6. DR. Jimcy M.E.

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    What pissed me off was he tried to make it a health issue. Like dumping a bottle of brown sugar (90% of BBQ sauce is some sort of sugar normally) is healthier then a pinch of kosher salt on either side to promote searing on the grill.

    I rather eat my shoes then ruin a perfect 1.5" thick new york strip with a bottle Kentucky Sweet Nectar or whatever bullshit he slathered on there.

    And rule one of BBQ, SUGAR BURNS! What a moron.
     
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  7. BIV

    BIV I'm Biv Dick Black, the Over Poster.

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  8. BIV

    BIV I'm Biv Dick Black, the Over Poster.

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    [​IMG]
     
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  9. Creasy Bear

    Creasy Bear gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh
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    Wait a minute... I guess I missed that. That maroon slathered the high fructose corn syrup sauce on the steak BEFORE her put it on the grill?

    Holy shit... that is a BBQ 101 'No No' lesson you learn on day 1 of class... in the first 10 minutes.

    Opie clearly has no business preparing real food of any sort. He should stick to tearing open oatmeal packets and pouring in the hot water an intern prepared for him. That's about his level of culinary preparation prowess.
     
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  10. fletcher

    fletcher Darkness always says hello.
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    He called it a "marinade".
     
  11. somnarium

    somnarium deftones or somefuckin' body

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    This is why I can't listen to the show much anymore. This kind of stupidity drives me up a wall.
     
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  12. d0uche_n0zzle

    d0uche_n0zzle **Negative_Creep**

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    Opie should have enlisted one of the fatsos to man the grill.
     
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  13. Creasy Bear

    Creasy Bear gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh
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    Ugh... I just threw up in my mouth a little.
     
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  14. Creasy Bear

    Creasy Bear gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh
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    I blame Roland. The fact that he didn't slap Opie's face and grab the spatula out of his hand is inexcusable. What self-respecting, food-obsessed glutton could sit idly by and watch such culinary blasphemy taking place?
     
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  15. BIV

    BIV I'm Biv Dick Black, the Over Poster.

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  16. weeniewawa

    weeniewawa it's a man, baby!!!

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    to plug it in or to cut it so you don't have to listen to Opie's cooking tips?
     
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  17. Creasy Bear

    Creasy Bear gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh
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    You see... this is where Opie fails miserably. He's obsessed with 'goin' viral' and he spends hours wasting his time with basketball 'trick shots' and stormtroomping videos.

    The viral video is right there in front of his face. The title...

    "Rich Hamptons Asshole Ruins Expensive Steak by Dousing it in BBQ Sauce"

    A million hits by the end of the week... guaranteed.
     
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  18. LiddyRules

    LiddyRules I'm Gonna Be The Bestest Pilot In The Whole Galaxy

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    Does the wealthy dowager faint with the back of her hand to her forehead and a man's monacle fall in his soup? (I'm talking as a legitimate reaction, not as some sort of routine.)
     
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  19. Creasy Bear

    Creasy Bear gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh
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    The dowager would land on the swooning couch and the man would be dressed like the Monopoly guy... sure as shit.
     
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  20. Mother Shucker

    Mother Shucker I'm over here now.

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    Roland likes to eat food prepared for him. I don't think he can cook.
     
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  21. Creasy Bear

    Creasy Bear gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh
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    I doubt he could've done worse than Opie. At least sweet Roland knows good food when he sees it.
     
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  22. DR. Jimcy M.E.

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    That pissed me off too.

    His father is a chef, so he must know how to cook a little. He did say the sugar burns on the grill to opie but that just made retardo go into his rant again.

    I'll grab tongs out of someones hands if there doing my steak wrong. That's an infamia.
     
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  23. stevethrower

    stevethrower Got Sig?

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    That's all I do... kosher salt both sides... and then on a wicked hot charcoal grill (I have a gas grill as well but like the charcoal one better)... flipped once... then rested.

    Oh rib eyes/Delmonicos only btw... as we know fat=flavor.
     
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  24. d0uche_n0zzle

    d0uche_n0zzle **Negative_Creep**

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    How many minutes per side for medium rare?
     
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  25. Creasy Bear

    Creasy Bear gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh
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    I can just see Opie... slathering on the Kraft Original BBQ sauce... slapping them on the grill... and then opening the lid every 30 seconds and fiddling fiddling fiddling... flipping half a dozen times and cooking waaaay too long until the gelatinous sugary sauce is an incinerated black crust of ash and the steaks are overdone to shoe leather.

    Like watching my Mother-In-Law practicing her dark arts in the kitchen and sacrificing up good food to Satan on her funeral pyre.

    I swear... these things pain my soul.
     
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