Opie's Shitty BBQ Steak

DR. Jimcy M.E.

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Dec 12, 2007
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#1
Who the fuck puts BBQ sauce on a steak?

God dam savage.
 

Creasy Bear

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#2
Steak sauce on a steak is ham and eggerish enough. BBQ sauce on a steak? That's just pure white trashery.

Might as well slather his steaks with ketchup and then sit on the porch and play a banjo.
 

BIV

I'm Biv Dick Black, the Over Poster.
Apr 22, 2002
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#3
Trying to come up with a scenario where a steak is shitty enough to use BBQ that I'd still eat. Failing.

BBQ is for low and slow, hot dogs and dipping. Also acceptable for grilled chicken and an occasional burger.

As a little kid, my brother would put Miracle Whip on his steak. Only way he'd eat it. He eventually graduated to ketchup.
 
Apr 30, 2011
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#4
The worst part of that break was the only rational one there when it comes to cooking a steak was Derosa.
 

DR. Jimcy M.E.

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#6
What pissed me off was he tried to make it a health issue. Like dumping a bottle of brown sugar (90% of BBQ sauce is some sort of sugar normally) is healthier then a pinch of kosher salt on either side to promote searing on the grill.

I rather eat my shoes then ruin a perfect 1.5" thick new york strip with a bottle Kentucky Sweet Nectar or whatever bullshit he slathered on there.

And rule one of BBQ, SUGAR BURNS! What a moron.
 

BIV

I'm Biv Dick Black, the Over Poster.
Apr 22, 2002
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#7
 

BIV

I'm Biv Dick Black, the Over Poster.
Apr 22, 2002
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#8
 

Creasy Bear

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#9
What pissed me off was he tried to make it a health issue. Like dumping a bottle of brown sugar (90% of BBQ sauce is some sort of sugar normally) is healthier then a pinch of kosher salt on either side to promote searing on the grill.

I rather eat my shoes then ruin a perfect 1.5" thick new york strip with a bottle Kentucky Sweet Nectar or whatever bullshit he slathered on there.

And rule one of BBQ, SUGAR BURNS! What a moron.
Wait a minute... I guess I missed that. That maroon slathered the high fructose corn syrup sauce on the steak BEFORE her put it on the grill?

Holy shit... that is a BBQ 101 'No No' lesson you learn on day 1 of class... in the first 10 minutes.

Opie clearly has no business preparing real food of any sort. He should stick to tearing open oatmeal packets and pouring in the hot water an intern prepared for him. That's about his level of culinary preparation prowess.
 

somnarium

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Aug 24, 2012
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#11
This is why I can't listen to the show much anymore. This kind of stupidity drives me up a wall.
 

Creasy Bear

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#14
Opie should have enlisted one of the fatsos to man the grill.
I blame Roland. The fact that he didn't slap Opie's face and grab the spatula out of his hand is inexcusable. What self-respecting, food-obsessed glutton could sit idly by and watch such culinary blasphemy taking place?
 

Creasy Bear

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#17
You see... this is where Opie fails miserably. He's obsessed with 'goin' viral' and he spends hours wasting his time with basketball 'trick shots' and stormtroomping videos.

The viral video is right there in front of his face. The title...

"Rich Hamptons Asshole Ruins Expensive Steak by Dousing it in BBQ Sauce"

A million hits by the end of the week... guaranteed.
 

LiddyRules

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Jun 1, 2005
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#18
You see... this is where Opie fails miserably. He's obsessed with 'goin' viral' and he spends hours wasting his time with basketball 'trick shots' and stormtroomping videos.

The viral video is right there in front of his face. The title...

"Rich Hamptons Asshole Ruins Expensive Steak by Dousing it in BBQ Sauce"

A million hits by the end of the week... guaranteed.
Does the wealthy dowager faint with the back of her hand to her forehead and a man's monacle fall in his soup? (I'm talking as a legitimate reaction, not as some sort of routine.)
 

Creasy Bear

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#19
Does the wealthy dowager faint with the back of her hand to her forehead and a man's monacle fall in his soup? (I'm talking as a legitimate reaction, not as some sort of routine.)
The dowager would land on the swooning couch and the man would be dressed like the Monopoly guy... sure as shit.
 

Mother Shucker

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Oct 13, 2004
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#20
I blame Roland. The fact that he didn't slap Opie's face and grab the spatula out of his hand is inexcusable. What self-respecting, food-obsessed glutton could sit idly by and watch such culinary blasphemy taking place?
Roland likes to eat food prepared for him. I don't think he can cook.
 

DR. Jimcy M.E.

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Dec 12, 2007
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#22
He called it a "marinade".
That pissed me off too.

Roland likes to eat food prepared for him. I don't think he can cook.
His father is a chef, so he must know how to cook a little. He did say the sugar burns on the grill to opie but that just made retardo go into his rant again.

I blame Roland. The fact that he didn't slap Opie's face and grab the spatula out of his hand is inexcusable. What self-respecting, food-obsessed glutton could sit idly by and watch such culinary blasphemy taking place?
I'll grab tongs out of someones hands if there doing my steak wrong. That's an infamia.
 
Dec 8, 2004
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#23
What pissed me off was he tried to make it a health issue. Like dumping a bottle of brown sugar (90% of BBQ sauce is some sort of sugar normally) is healthier then a pinch of kosher salt on either side to promote searing on the grill.

I rather eat my shoes then ruin a perfect 1.5" thick new york strip with a bottle Kentucky Sweet Nectar or whatever bullshit he slathered on there.

And rule one of BBQ, SUGAR BURNS! What a moron.
That's all I do... kosher salt both sides... and then on a wicked hot charcoal grill (I have a gas grill as well but like the charcoal one better)... flipped once... then rested.

Oh rib eyes/Delmonicos only btw... as we know fat=flavor.
 

d0uche_n0zzle

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#24
That's all I do... kosher salt both sides... and then on a wicked hot charcoal grill (I have a gas grill as well but like the charcoal one better)... flipped once... then rested.

Oh rib eyes/Delmonicos only btw... as we know fat=flavor.

How many minutes per side for medium rare?
 

Creasy Bear

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#25
I can just see Opie... slathering on the Kraft Original BBQ sauce... slapping them on the grill... and then opening the lid every 30 seconds and fiddling fiddling fiddling... flipping half a dozen times and cooking waaaay too long until the gelatinous sugary sauce is an incinerated black crust of ash and the steaks are overdone to shoe leather.

Like watching my Mother-In-Law practicing her dark arts in the kitchen and sacrificing up good food to Satan on her funeral pyre.

I swear... these things pain my soul.