Pig!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE FEZ MAN

as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
Aug 23, 2002
43,045
9,852
848
#1
ok im thinking of getting a pig for my mom's 65th birthday, i have cooked a few in the past but they were quite large and it took 12-16 hours to do it, we are planning on about 20-30 people tops, now the 300$ question, do i buy a pre cooked porchetta http://espositosporchetta.com/ or try and source a raw suckling pig and go through the aggrivation of building a cooker ect... or my favorite idea get a live one and sell chances to blast it in the head and make a day of cooking the entire thing like some kind of barbaric mid-evil festival of death..... ahhh the choices oh and there is the option of just getting a two or three pork shoulders and cooking them whole we are also planning on ordering a few pizza's and a chick fil-a platter for the less adventurous eaters
 

gleet

What's black and white and red all over?
Jul 24, 2005
22,541
13,853
608
Idaho
#2
We have one gilt in the latest litter who is an escape artist. Every day she is outside the pen screaming to get in at feeding time. All the others have been spoken for or bought already. She isn't growing as fast as the others so I think we will invite her to wife's birthday dinner later this month.

If you get a small enough pig, you can split it down the back and grill it on a regular large charcoal grill since it will lay flat. I've made the homemade cookers for various large sized hogs. It's impressive to have the whole hog roast once in a while but I think it makes more sense to buy the nice roasts and ribs and have a good BBQ instead.
 

THE FEZ MAN

as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
Aug 23, 2002
43,045
9,852
848
#3
Fuck it we are going to buy everything done im getting old and lazy
 

gleet

What's black and white and red all over?
Jul 24, 2005
22,541
13,853
608
Idaho
#4
That works real good.
 

THE FEZ MAN

as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
Aug 23, 2002
43,045
9,852
848
#5
We found an Italian market not far from us that does the porchetta so I won't have to deal with the spaghetti benders in souf Philly http://www.luigiandgiovannicaterers.com/shop/ the price difference is worth not having to fuck around with the italian market on a Saturday morning not to mention all the other shit with cooking
 

NuttyJim

Registered User
Feb 18, 2006
14,125
6,410
638
#6
can i come over? I'll throw ya a few sheckles as long as there's gonna be some alcohol. And maybe invite your boss so I can watch you go off on him! :action-sm
 

THE FEZ MAN

as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
Aug 23, 2002
43,045
9,852
848
#7
Lol beer is what we are telling people to bring and...... My asshole boss is NOT invited my mother dispises him I should invite him as a courtesy but bobs house is too close to his and he is very newsy and new the former owners
 

Sinn Fein

Infidel and White Interloper
Wackbag Staff
Aug 29, 2002
31,704
2,312
898
Florida's Nature Coast
#8
Sounds like a good time. I could have gone to a pig roast today but am not feeling up to it. My fucking back ha been killing me since they yanked the stent out of my kidney through my dick the other day. Plus, it's too fucking hot.

My brother's buddy from work has this every year, a big block party and pig roast. Hopefully next year I can make it.
 

THE FEZ MAN

as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
Aug 23, 2002
43,045
9,852
848
#9
well the party was a success, the pig worked out perfect, except i have about a gallon left over, im going to be eating pulled pork for at least a week, also there was a huge bowl of pasta salad that didn't go, i think people thought it had mayo in it although it didn't, oh well i will be eating that till i cant stand it. the pizzas and the "forbidden chicken" went great, i also have about 4 cases of beer and 4 or 5 gallons of assorted hooch and wine left over, i guess everyone is getting old and doesn't drink anymore, i love throwing partys because i enjoy watching what people eat and dont, i know its weird, but the fruit went first, followed buy the chick fil a, and of course the deserts, we had about 60people show up which was nice, i had 3 the rest were bob's and my moms friends and family
 

SatansCheerledr

Ideologically Unsound
Apr 6, 2005
15,544
7,831
716
I Will Pay Snakes To Bite You
#10
Roasting a whole pig is an art to be mastered and if you don't have a pro to teach you there is a very expensive period of trial and error involved to get it right. One of my wifes dipshit husbands decided he was just going to "roast a pig" and she called my wife to "ask me how to do it". I told her that's impossible, it's a three day process, if he wants i'll come over and show him how. She told her husband that and smarty pants sed, "he'll figure it out". We went to the party and low and behold, no pig. I said to my wife, "I know he totally fucked up and wasted a whole pig, what a tool". The whole point of the party was a roast pig party. She said,"dont say anything to him because he is very embarrassed and upset he totally fucked it up and had to throw it away". I was able to keep my mouth shut but there was smirky looks aimed at him the whole night every time a new person showed up and said,"Wheres the pig!". You made the right choice.
 
Dec 8, 2004
49,479
21,306
693
Maine
#11
well the party was a success, the pig worked out perfect, except i have about a gallon left over, im going to be eating pulled pork for at least a week, also there was a huge bowl of pasta salad that didn't go, i think people thought it had mayo in it although it didn't, oh well i will be eating that till i cant stand it. the pizzas and the "forbidden chicken" went great, i also have about 4 cases of beer and 4 or 5 gallons of assorted hooch and wine left over, i guess everyone is getting old and doesn't drink anymore, i love throwing partys because i enjoy watching what people eat and dont, i know its weird, but the fruit went first, followed buy the chick fil a, and of course the deserts, we had about 60people show up which was nice, i had 3 the rest were bob's and my moms friends and family
Due to my wife's Irish ancestry we bought a lot of booze/wine/champagne for our wedding. We had a little wine and champagne left and the booze (well less what I drank) was pretty much untouched... weird.
 

THE FEZ MAN

as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
Aug 23, 2002
43,045
9,852
848
#14
Roasting a whole pig is an art to be mastered and if you don't have a pro to teach you there is a very expensive period of trial and error involved to get it right. One of my wifes dipshit husbands decided he was just going to "roast a pig" and she called my wife to "ask me how to do it". I told her that's impossible, it's a three day process, if he wants i'll come over and show him how. She told her husband that and smarty pants sed, "he'll figure it out". We went to the party and low and behold, no pig. I said to my wife, "I know he totally fucked up and wasted a whole pig, what a tool". The whole point of the party was a roast pig party. She said,"dont say anything to him because he is very embarrassed and upset he totally fucked it up and had to throw it away". I was able to keep my mouth shut but there was smirky looks aimed at him the whole night every time a new person showed up and said,"Wheres the pig!". You made the right choice.

it is an art, the first pig that we did was edible but dry as hell because my neighbor is a fucking germ freak and insisted that we over cook it. the second one turned out mildly better because we had a better cooker and i put temp probes in key spots to trick my neighbors into thinking that it hit 190deg.... the last one turned out perfect, i took complete control of the situation, stuffed it with roasted veggies kind of a mr fez mirepoix, 4 or 5 beer cans with holes punched in them i sewed it up and carefully watched the temperature and cut the amount of charcoal buy about 50 lbs and cut the cooking time from 13 hours to about 10, before i started cutting it up, this was for a 175-200 lb pig. i still want to do a whole pig but i need to take some time and build a cooker for about a 100lb pig, also i have to decide how serious i am about it, we discussed getting one on the hoof and slaughtering it ourselves which really appeals to me mainly because we can get some organ meat out of it for sausages and things that and i can feed it some premium feed for a few weeks or get an "heirloom" breed to enhance the flavor, i really love pork. one of the biggest issues with doing an entire pig is the amount of waste that is involved, ironically the smaller the pig the bigger the waste, that's kind of why i want to get one on the hoof they are a hell of a lot cheaper than getting one that is dressed for cooking, it wouldn't be the first large animal i have dressed so its no big deal i can even keep the pig for a few weeks, probably going to try that next summer. gives me plenty of time to source the pig and a nice 55gal drum to build the cooker out of.
 

THE FEZ MAN

as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
Aug 23, 2002
43,045
9,852
848
#16
Too early for a squeal like a pig joke... "whaa"
lol no, we were making "deer hunter" jokes about when it comes time to slaughter the fuck, BoB;) suggested selling chances for 20$ each and all sitting around a round table and spinning my .38 on the table to see who gets to take the shot
 

d0uche_n0zzle

**Negative_Creep**
Sep 15, 2004
46,851
6,936
763
F.U.B.A.R
#18
Why waste ammo, just slit its throat after hanging from its hind hoofs and let him bleed out. Or collect the blood for pudding or something.
 

gleet

What's black and white and red all over?
Jul 24, 2005
22,541
13,853
608
Idaho
#19
Look up Cajun microwaves and also some of the Cuban cookers. I lined an old galvanized horse tank with shiny aluminum siding once, with a stainless sheet for a top. Happened to have the stainless already, I didn't buy it special. I had coals under the bottom of the tank, then the 125 lb hog on a rack setting on bricks about halfway up the tank, then coals on top of the stainless sheet. He cooked really nice and didn't take long, seems like about 6 hours.

There is practically no trichinosis in the US so you are safe to eat rare pork if you want. It damn sure makes it juicier and tastier. You might want to avoid rare bear meat.

We've got a batch of Berkshire heritage hogs going now. We already ate their daddy and as soon as the weather cools, I'll go bust momma in the head with some other caliber than I've used before. I like variety. She's a big old bitch. This winter her kids will be grown and we'll butcher what we don't sell. The Berkshire pork has some marbling in the meat and is real damn good.

The thing about roasting a whole hog, you end up with a whole bunch of roast hog. Butcher a fat hog and you get roasts and chops and bacon and sausage and hams and all the goodies.
 

maz

TRueWDTer
Feb 16, 2005
64,346
2,037
693
abu dhabi,pa.
#20
We found an Italian market not far from us that does the porchetta so I won't have to deal with the spaghetti benders in souf Philly http://www.luigiandgiovannicaterers.com/shop/ the price difference is worth not having to fuck around with the italian market on a Saturday morning not to mention all the other shit with cooking

I pass by the Newtown Square location sometimes on the way to work
Depending on the route I take

Figgered it was just a Restaurant/Catering place
But I see it also has a Take-Out menu for hoagies , pizzas and such
I'll stop in one of these days when I can leave a little early
Prices look better than I woulda thought
 

Bluestreak

This space intentionally left blank.
Sep 27, 2007
4,557
276
398
Mawl-din, MA
#21
Roast Pork is one of the finest things to eat. I stepped out of my comfort zone and ate the pig's brain. So tasty.
Mmmmm braaaaaaaaaaains.
 

d0uche_n0zzle

**Negative_Creep**
Sep 15, 2004
46,851
6,936
763
F.U.B.A.R
#22
Fresh pork is so much better then the store bought shite they attempt to pass off on the unsuspecting.
 

THE FEZ MAN

as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
Aug 23, 2002
43,045
9,852
848
#23
I pass by the Newtown Square location sometimes on the way to work
Depending on the route I take

Figgered it was just a Restaurant/Catering place
But I see it also has a Take-Out menu for hoagies , pizzas and such
I'll stop in one of these days when I can leave a little early
Prices look better than I woulda thought

you MUST get some of the home made salami when you walk in the door its in baskets sitting on the top shelf of the cooler on the right hand side, its the BEST hard salami i have ever had i highly recommend the place. the best part is the old lady with the helmet wig that runs the joint she is a trip, right off the boat from italy

Roast Pork is one of the finest things to eat. I stepped out of my comfort zone and ate the pig's brain. So tasty.
Mmmmm braaaaaaaaaaains.
lol my chick and my sister were laughing there asses off when me and my hobbit brother in law yanked the head off the pig and started eating it off the top of the trash can i wish she got a photo of it
but just as a giggle me and the brother and law and BoB at the wedding
 

maz

TRueWDTer
Feb 16, 2005
64,346
2,037
693
abu dhabi,pa.
#24
you MUST get some of the home made salami when you walk in the door its in baskets sitting on the top shelf of the cooler on the right hand side, its the BEST hard salami i have ever had i highly recommend the place. the best part is the old lady with the helmet wig that runs the joint she is a trip, right off the boat from italy

Will Do
Thanks for the heads up