Pregnancy Stories

striker

Why yes, I am an asshole, so what?
Mar 10, 2005
2,603
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263
Colorado
#1
So there have been some discussions on the show about Casey being pregnant, I've heard some callers getting through, but I'm curious if anyone has any horrifc pregnancy stories, one's that make you cringe or sick?

I'll start it off with one that should make every guy cringe or gasp in pain.

Back in '91 I worked as a security guard at a local hospital. Whenever the weather would change we would always expect a rash of child births, so on those nights, L&D would keep a nurse near the front door with a wheelchair to help expectant mothers up to L&D. Well, this one night, my guard post was the front door/front entrance ramp. About 7pm this car came flying up the ramp and skidded to a stop, I was going to tell the guy that he couldn't park there, when he jumped out and said his wife was in labor. I called for the L&D nurse to bring the wheelchair out, the three of us started to get the woman out of the car and into the wheelchair. She was so close to giving birth, the contractions were under 2 minutes apart and her water had broke in the car (horrific and disgusting smell BTW). Just as we put her in the wheelchair a contraction hit, she started to calm down a bit, the nurse was behind the wheelchair, I was kneeling beside it putting the foot plates under her feet, the husband was standing between her and the car trying to keep her calm.

Suddenly, something in my brain clicked (maybe my mental clock ticking off the time between contractions or something) but my subconcious screamed out move. Right at that moment another contraction hit, the women screamed at her husband "you fucking did this to me you bastard" Now remember, he was standing between her and the car, at the point that she screamed this and the contraction hit, she kicked out with her right leg. When she kicked out, she caught her husband square in the balls with all her might with her foot/ankle. The kick was so hard and so violent that he actually lifted off the ground. As reference, the woman was probably 5'6, the husband 5'10 maybe 200 lbs. Upon contact, he yelped, the color left his face, he grabbed his crotch and dopped to his knees on the pavement. The nurse and I looked at him, then each other, she told me to help him and she would get the wife inside. I had to call another guard to come assist me, after about 15 minutes we were able to lift/carry the guy inside and put him in a chair. I grabbed the keys from his car and put them in his jacket pocket.

About 40 minutes later, an older couple came walking up from the parking garage. They pointed out the car that belonged to this L&D couple and asked me where they were. I told them the wife was in L&D and the husband was barely concious in the lobby. The older couple turned out to be the wife's parents. The M-I-L went up to L&D and the F-I-L stayed in the lobby. Two hours later, just before I got off, the M-I-L came down to inform the two men that the woman had just had a little girl and both were fine. The husband tried to get up, but fainted and collapsed on the ground in pain. We called for assitance from the ER for him, they took him down to be checked out. The next afternoon, I found they had admitted the husband for internal damage. The wife's kick had ruptured both of his testicles, as well as caused damage to his urinary tract and bladder.
 

THE FEZ MAN

as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
Aug 23, 2002
42,619
9,648
848
#2
fucking hole....


eh, we did the semi emergency c section, cord wrapped around the baby's neck, complications to the incision, breast feeding issues, PPD, oh and an employer that refused to pay me for the one week that i had to take off...... its long and boring.
 

Creasy Bear

gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh
Donator
Mar 10, 2006
49,252
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In a porn tree
#3
Here's a pregnancy story...

My wife is an obstetrician (baby deliverer doctor), so one night she gets called in at like 10 O'clock on a Friday night to deliver a baby. This is before we had kids and I was like... welp, I'm not going to sit around here by myself... so I call up my little brother and we go out and get liquored up. I probably ate two dozen Buffalo wings and drank a metric ton of beer.

The next morning I come to in my bed at home, my wife is beside me, and I'm like... "oh, I guess she delivered the baby and got home sometime during the night." I was out cold so I didn't even here her come in.

So I'm lying there in a puddle of my own misery with a colossal hangover, my head is pounding and my gut is churning acid. And then I realize that something is making disgusting squishy noises in the room, so I lean over and look over the side of the bed, and there on the floor is my stupid dog merrily licking the blood, amniotic fluid, and placental tissue off of one of my wife's OR clogs. The fucking thing is smacking it's chops and it's got a look on it's face like YUM! Want some?

I didn't make it to the toilet, I barfed all over the bathroom floor... Buffalo wings and cheap beer.

Ahh... good times.
 

Ego

The Only Thing Bigger Than My Head
Feb 15, 2005
4,339
700
628
Elkton, MD
#4
Ooofah. That guy sure got a lesson taught to him. Tee hee hee.
 

Cybouncer

Not Fat, Big Boned!
Feb 26, 2006
1,651
0
216
Long Island, NY
#5
Here's a pregnancy story...

My wife is an obstetrician (baby deliverer doctor), so one night she gets called in at like 10 O'clock on a Friday night to deliver a baby. This is before we had kids and I was like... welp, I'm not going to sit around here by myself... so I call up my little brother and we go out and get liquored up. I probably ate two dozen Buffalo wings and drank a metric ton of beer.

The next morning I come to in my bed at home, my wife is beside me, and I'm like... "oh, I guess she delivered the baby and got home sometime during the night." I was out cold so I didn't even here her come in.

So I'm lying there in a puddle of my own misery with a colossal hangover, my head is pounding and my gut is churning acid. And then I realize that something is making disgusting squishy noises in the room, so I lean over and look over the side of the bed, and there on the floor is my stupid dog merrily licking the blood, amniotic fluid, and placental tissue off of one of my wife's OR clogs. The fucking thing is smacking it's chops and it's got a look on it's face like YUM! Want some?

I didn't make it to the toilet, I barfed all over the bathroom floor... Buffalo wings and cheap beer.

Ahh... good times.

Anybody who has a dog HAS to appreciate that story.

I also love the "baby deliverer doctor". I think that's how I'll refer to them going forward!:action-sm
 

Creasy Bear

gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh
Donator
Mar 10, 2006
49,252
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In a porn tree
#6
Anybody who has a dog HAS to appreciate that story.

I also love the "baby deliverer doctor". I think that's how I'll refer to them going forward!:action-sm
I also call her Ob/Gyn Kenobi.
 

Don the Radio Guy

G-Bb-A-D
Donator
Mar 30, 2006
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Wyoming
#7
I pretty much gave away everything I have on this subject on the air the day they were discussing whether to take drugs. My ex-wife literaly worked up until the day she went into labor, had the kid in less than 12 hours, the kid came out without a drop of blood or goo, and the drugs prevented all the pain. I don't think things could have worked out better for the whole thing unless you consider that we got divorced less than a year later. lol
 

CougarHunter

Lying causes cat piss smell.
Mar 2, 2006
10,594
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KC Metro
#8
Im hoping someone will step up to the plate with a story that involves a Pete Rose haircut and a 7 inch thick skull.

It would conclude with taking care of the above monstrosity until it freaks out on your 83rd birthday, breaks both your hips, and the resulting diabetus infection has taken both your legs.

I love a happy ending.
 
Jun 30, 2005
10,823
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outsiddah Boston
#11
long...short...Wife's water broke at like 6am. I am SOUND asleep next to her...She YELLS "wake up!" and hits me..."Get a towel quick" now I am just barely awake, I don't have my glasses on, and I have no idea why she needs a towel. I sprint to the closet and return with a towel and I slow down by putting my hand on the bed...right in the middle of the warm, gelatanous goopy sticky uterine water...That was pretty nasty...

Also, I was going to do the cut the cord thing and they noticed it might be tangled so they were ready for it...and it was around her neck 1x and the doc is taking her out and says "I'm sorry, but becuase of the tangle we already had to cut the cord" and I said "Fuck the cord, make sure she is breathing".... :)

Luv my kid!
 

Hudson

Supreme Champion!!!!!
Donator
Jan 14, 2002
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#12
There were about 5 calls I went to on the dark side of town where a woman gave birth on the shitter...My favorite was a 14 year old girl who did so. The entire way to the hospital she was insisting to her mom that she was not pregnant. To whit, her mom replies:.."Then that's the first screaming piece of shit I ever seen!" I was never gladder to be driving the rig in my entire life!
 

shakespear

Registered User
Nov 17, 2006
122
0
0
#14
I cant wait for Dave to meet post-partum. Thats when they go psychotic..


Oh, and drinking with a baby will be hard.
 

striker

Why yes, I am an asshole, so what?
Mar 10, 2005
2,603
9
263
Colorado
#15
There were about 5 calls I went to on the dark side of town where a woman gave birth on the shitter...My favorite was a 14 year old girl who did so. The entire way to the hospital she was insisting to her mom that she was not pregnant. To whit, her mom replies:.."Then that's the first screaming piece of shit I ever seen!" I was never gladder to be driving the rig in my entire life!
Hudson, I forwarded your story on to a friend who is director of operations for an ambulance company, he cracked up laughing. He forwarded me this story....

when I was still just an EMT I picked up this 20 something that was in labor, it was a 47 miles ride to the hospital, half way there she decided to give birth. The Medic told me to pull over and come assist him, the father (he wishes) who had been following us stopped behind us. After a few minutes the kids comes out.......................

and well let's just say it wasn't his.