"The Girl I Love With All My Heart"

ShooterMcGavin

Go back to your shanties.
May 25, 2005
18,028
1,380
578
#1
:haha7::haha7::haha7::haha7::haha7::haha7:

The phone rings. I pick it up. It is the girl I love with all my heart. 'Hello,' I say.

The girl I love with all my heart replies: Hello. I have just had a triple orgasm. My boyfriend is brilliant in the bedroom. I have never been so satisfied in all my life.

I slam the phone down and start to cry.
I wander aimlessly down the street. Suddenly the girl I love with all my heart appears before me. 'I've stopped smoking,' I shout, 'kiss me now, kiss me now. I smell so sweet'.

The girl I love with all my heart scrunches up her dead cute face and says: You smell of poo. My boyfriend smells much nicer than you. He smells of pheromones and manly things. And he is extraordinarily rich. We are engaged to be married. Look at my ring. Have you ever seen a diamond so big?'.

I look at her ring and start to cry.
I am having a wonderful dream about naked ladies I've only just met. Suddenly the girl I love with all my heart appears at the foot of my bed. She is completely naked. 'Hello,' I say, 'have you come to join us?'

The girl I love with all my heart shakes her head, clicks her fingers, and the naked ladies that once draped across my bed suddenly turn into a hairy-arsed man. 'This is my boyfriend,' smiles the girl I love with all my heart. 'We are going to have sex now. You can watch us if you want, but we could be here all night - having sex with each other in every position known to man.'

After seven hours of utter hell, I finally awake from my torturous dream and start to cry.
My family and I stand over the grave and mourn the loss of Uncle Malcolm. Auntie Dawn is inconsolable. It is a desperately somber Wednesday afternoon.

Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I notice a girl dressed in white, running barefoot through the meadow of the dead. It is the girl I love with all my heart. She is shouting: Boys have never satisfied my inner desires but my new boyfriend is unlike anyone I have met before. He has touched me in places I truly thought were dead. I have never felt so alive. I have never felt so alive.

She waves at me.

I wave back at her and start to cry.
There is a knock at the door. It is a delivery man. He is holding a six-foot seven-inch cardboard cutout of a man. I sign the delivery man's receipt book and take the six-foot seven-inch mystery man into the kitchen. There is a card attached to it. It is from the girl I love with all my heart. The card reads: This is a life-size cardboard cutout of my boyfriend. As you can see, he is very handsome. And quite muscular.

I look at the cardboard man leaning against my freezer, light a cheap cigarette, and start to cry.
I open my curtains and let the sunshine in. It is a new day, I think to myself, it is a new life. But then I notice the girl I love with all my heart sitting in the tree outside my house. She is holding a placard which reads: I am having sex on a regular basis with my boyfriend. I love my boyfriend. He is very handsome.

She waves at me.

I close my curtains and start to cry.
You are beautiful, I say.

The girl I love with all my heart replies: I love a boy. He is my boyfriend. He is very handsome. I think you would like him.

I nod, and start to cry.
:clap:

http://www.abeautifulrevolution.com/blog/the_girl_i_love/index.html
 

BCH

Doesn't need your acknowledgement on Twitter
Wackbag Staff
Jun 9, 2005
9,519
235
513
New York
#2
Is this Stoned Shooter? Because he's not allowed to post new threads.
 

ShooterMcGavin

Go back to your shanties.
May 25, 2005
18,028
1,380
578
#5
Whatever, it made me lol
 

Beeman99

Registered User
Mar 14, 2005
13,787
2
0
#7
what



the




fuck




shooter
 

krisko

Mrs. Fuckin Funny
Jul 29, 2005
28,300
1
191
Cupcake Capital, USA
#9
"whaa"


do i need to smoke to understand this?! i gave that up a long time ago but i'm willing to try it again if it'll give me the time i wasted reading this bullshit back :action-sm
 

BCH

Doesn't need your acknowledgement on Twitter
Wackbag Staff
Jun 9, 2005
9,519
235
513
New York
#10
"whaa"


do i need to smoke to understand this?! i gave that up a long time ago but i'm willing to try it again if it'll give me the time i wasted reading this bullshit back :action-sm
Heh, you should try paltalk some time when shooter's been smoking.
 

mikeybot

SPANAKOPITA!!!
Jul 25, 2005
19,216
3,547
558
philly
#12
why are you reposting an emo fag's blog?
 

krisko

Mrs. Fuckin Funny
Jul 29, 2005
28,300
1
191
Cupcake Capital, USA
#13
Heh, you should try paltalk some time when shooter's been smoking.
i'm sooooooo happy i don't have a webcam :)
some guy likes a girl but the girl likes another guy and all she wants to do is fuck him and tell the guy that likes her about it.
 

BCH

Doesn't need your acknowledgement on Twitter
Wackbag Staff
Jun 9, 2005
9,519
235
513
New York
#14
some guy likes a girl but the girl likes another guy and all she wants to do is fuck him and tell the guy that likes her about it.
Yeah, Welcome to the world as we know it fuckstick. Here's a jar of vaseline and a box of tissues.
 

Angelfuck

Part of the Ronnie B. crowd
Jan 6, 2006
10,838
1
0
Static Age
#16
I need some of what shooter's smokin, I didnt see any humor in that whatsoever
 

WaddleDoodle

Creepy? We're the CIA. It's what we do.
Mar 15, 2005
601
0
0
Arlington, VA
#18
I kept thinking it was a girlsarepretty - type thing, but nope, no humor at all.
 

MAV

Registered User
Nov 23, 2005
10,578
1
368
Denver, CO
#19

FAZ8218

Good eeeeeeeevening.
Wackbag Staff
Feb 10, 2006
11,603
17
443
Oceanside, NY
#21
I wish I still smoked weed so I could laugh with you Shooter. I can't believe I read that whole thing...
 
Jul 13, 2006
12,836
1
0
Arkansas
#23
It's a short of a delusional ex-boyfriend that killed his former girlfriend that was seen as being happier with her new man.

So, the guy is jealous, kills her and then she haunts him with visions of her following him around telling him how happy she was with the other guy and pointing out the old guy's shortcomings.
 
Jul 13, 2006
12,836
1
0
Arkansas
#24
Is this Stoned Shooter? Because he's not allowed to post new threads.
Hey, go easy on the fella. He doesn't know what he's doing. He's from Oklahoma...and they are "special." Don't punish him for his disability.
 

martianvirus

READY THE ANALPROBES!!!!!!!!
Nov 20, 2005
19,062
134
268
Las Vegas, NV
#25
Can we rename the thread to "the girl I never fucked and never will fuck"